 The Jack Benny program Lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw LS MFT LS MFT LS MFT Why sure yes, sir you said it lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw it takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette and lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, first last and always lucky strike means fine tobacco at markets now open in the south Independent tobacco experts present at the auctions can see the makers of lucky strike Consistently select the riper the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco with men who know tobacco best It's lucky's two to one The lucky strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester and yours truly Don Wilson Now we take you to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills It's Saturday night and Jack has invited Mary over to spend a pleasant evening Gee Mary, I'm glad you came over to help me straighten out my household expenses These bills have accumulated all summer while I was away Jacks is a Saturday night. I want to go dancing. Let's go to the palladium the palladium Mary with all these bills I'm paying gee Jack It doesn't cost much to go to the palladium they charge a dollar and a half for men and 75 cents for women I know for you, it's cheap Think of me a dollar 55 just to go dancing a dollar 55. It's only a dollar 50 Mary only a chief's gate Doesn't check his hat Now let's get out with these bills. Okay, let's see $12 and 85 cents for vitamin pills $12 and 85 cents for vitamin pills $9 and 72 cents for Samson's concentrated iron capsules $9 and 72 cents for Samson's concentrated iron capsules $10 and 35 cents for dr. Berman's bodybuilder $10 and 35 cents for dr. Berman's bodybuilder $7 and 96 cents for dr. Horton's health tonic $7 and 96 cents for dr. Horton's health tonic $22 and 50 cents for muscles Muscles yes 16 dollars imagine buying muscles again. What happened to the one you bought last year. Oh I warm in the shower and the buckles rusted I wish I could get some of that pre-war stuff Now let's see Mary, what are you laughing at? Remember the time you bought those build-up shoes to make you look taller. Oh Boy, did you overdo it over do it those shoes didn't lift me so high. Then why was your nose always bleeding? I'll never forget how silly you look patting Gary Cooper on the head Very stop being ridiculous. Now. Let's get back to the bills here. Read this stack to me here. Okay Homeway dry cleaners $18 for cleaning rug $18 for cleaning a rug. How could a rug get that dirty? I was away all summer. There was nobody here, but Rochester. I can't understand it Jack here's another bill signed by Rochester. It's from scratch match and patch interior decorators Interior decorators $78 for patching ceiling and repapering living room Patching ceiling repapering living room. I'm gonna ask Rochester about this. You don't have to here's a bill that explains it $7 for 18 bottles of gin 18 bottles of gin, let me see who that bill is from Hmm the Central Avenue personality shop I'm gonna find out about this. Oh Rochester Rochester take a look at this rug cleaning bill Now take a look at this bill for repapering the living room Hmm, and this bill for 18 bottles of gin Well say something what a swary And you don't that you don't have to tell me in that party almost ruined my house. What happened? Well boss, it was kind of a dull evening. So I invited a few friends over uh-huh, and some of them got well to use the medical term coagulated Well that explains the rug and the wallpaper what happened what about the ceiling some of them were higher than others Rochester that still doesn't explain the ceiling. How did those how did you get those holes in it? I told you my friends did that. Oh the ones that were flying. No the ones that were shooting them down Rochester this is the last straw. I'm gonna punish you. Oh Jack put down that hairbrush. He's too old for that Okay, anyway, it always hurts me more than it does him Now Rochester this is a final warning. I don't want your friends holding those kind of parties in my house anymore My goodness in their condition. How do they get home? Oh it was easy You know that white line down the middle of the street. You mean they followed it I don't doubt it and I'm gonna talk with you later about your come in Telegram for mr. Benny. I'll take it boy. Yes, sir. Thanks. Here's a tip for you. Mr. Benny these blue tokens aren't good anymore Well, I'm all out of red ones. Goodbye Jack who's the telegram from let me see Look Mary's from my sponsor George W. Hill. It's a dear Jack Please forget about what happened in my office last week. You have nothing to worry about You have a three-year contract and my lawyers told me I can't get out of it Unless you breach clause number 3a regarding a singer Sincerely yours George W. Hill see Mary. Isn't that a nice telegram, but Jack? He said if you don't get a singer, you'll break your contract. I'm way ahead of Mary I've not only got a singer in mind But I wrote him a letter asking him to come over for an interview tonight. Oh you and your singers Who is it this time? Well, if you must know smarty, it's Frank Sinatra Frank Sinatra What you mean won't you tell me when we will meet again? That's him, right? Before Sinatra gets So that's enough Harry. Let's let's finish these bills. All right, but next Saturday night You got to take me to the Palladium the Palladium the Palladium. Oh Jack. Don't be Mary It's a matter of principle Why should they charge a dollar and a half for men and only 75 cents for women well Jack you got in for 75 cents That was an accident. I just happened to go to the Palladium right from the studio and I was made up as Charlie's aunt That's what I mean. You still got that dress here. Why couldn't you Mary? I'm not dressing up like a girl again I'll never forget what happened last time Guy buys you a drink. He thinks he owns you But I went through It was bad enough being dressed like a girl to get in but you didn't have to let a fella buy you a drink Well for goodness sake Mary. I danced with him all evening. I deserve something What a rotten dancer he was Say Mary, I wonder what he'd have thought if he knew who I really was Especially when he tried to put his arm around me. He tried to put his arm around you well gosh Jack Why didn't you tell him? I didn't have the heart to he was a marine and he was going overseas in the morning Let's get back to these bills Say that must be Frank Sinatra come in please hi you Jackson. Hi you Mary. Hello, Rod Oh, it's you Phil. Yeah, Jackson. I dropped in to talk to you about a new singer Phil. Don't worry about it I got one lined up. Yeah, but who've you got you can't get just anybody. I ain't gonna let you hurt the dignity of my band The dignity of your band Phil I don't want to disillusion you but just because your boys were taken off parole doesn't mean they're dignified And here's another thing about your band that you that ought to make you ashamed of yourself. What's that? Well, when I was in the South Pacific, I saw 15 natives with rings in their noses Banging on hollow coconuts with overripe bananas. Well, what's that got to do with me? They were singing That's what I like about the Solomon You and your dignity Phil don't worry about it Jack has a singer in mind who will lend plenty of dignity to your band like who like Frank Sinatra Jack's expecting him over tonight. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is a trick Jackson You're just trying to get my band to wear bobby socks Well, I'd be happy to those guys wore any kind of style So just take my advice and don't Come in Oh I'm fine with he bothered the insurance salesman. Oh, hello Herman Herman, I'm glad to see you, but I'm busy. I wish you'd come over some other time. I'm expecting someone Okay, but before I go I'd like to leave this folder with you folder Yeah, it tells all about a new life insurance policy. We're putting out. Well, thanks Herman I'll read it when I get a chance Costs $2 a month and you only have to pay on it until you die I'll I'll read it when I get a chance After you die, you only have to pay 25 cents a month That's ridiculous after you're dead and buried. Why pay 25 cents a month for that We keep the weeds out of your daisies That's the silliest thing I've ever heard of I don't think so just because you're dead You don't have to stop being neat All right, Herman, I'll let you I'll let you know about this policy as soon as Should I answer the phone boss? That's all right. I'll get it Rochester Hello, hello Jack. This is Don Wilson. Oh Don right now I just thought of a terrific idea for a contest boy. You'd be crazy about it Well, look Don right now get this Jack. Why don't you give a prize of $5,000 to anyone who knows the meaning of LS MFT? Don are you crazy? Why if I gave $5,000 to everyone who knows what LS MFT means I'd have to pay out $800 billion dollars Now Don don't be silly everybody knows that LS MFT stands for lucky strike means fine tobacco Well, you know it and I know it But I'm going to phone some people at random and find out if they know I'm suggesting I should give away $800 billion dollars see fellas. I'm getting kind of worried about sonata. It's time. He got here. Yeah, I'd like to audition the kid Bill believe me. He won't hurt the jack wait a minute. I just thought of something what Frank's and not isn't even in town He's in New York. All right, so he'll come a lot Hey Jackson Marys right sonata is in New York. This is Saturday night and he's doing the hit parade program But that's impossible his program is on right now tune in the radio and see Okay, I will and in the fourth race at Bay Meadows the winner was That's the wrong station. Maybe this is it Ladies and gentlemen, do you suffer from upper plate wobble? Friends avoid meeting you because your uppers avoid meeting your lowers If so try a bottle of sympathy soothing syrup remember folks sympathy spelled backwards is your tap emits P.A. P.M. Y.S. Of research in our own private laboratories has established the fact that when you pass the age of 35 you will be 36 Mary don't fool with the dial. I'll get Sonatra Here here. I think I've got it And now for his final collection on tonight's lucky strike hit parade Frank Sinatra sings All the things you are That makes the lonely wind you are the angel glow that lights a star The dearest things that I know that lie I see that was wonderful. You know, he'd be great on my show. I'm gonna phone New York right now Maybe I can catch Sonatra before he leaves the studio. Hammy the phone. Mary. I want to speak to New York I'd like to get Frank Sinatra. So what I hope see Look miss. Will you please ring mr. Sonatra for me person to person? He's on the hip parade in New York Just a moment, sir. I'll try the New York circuit Los Angeles calling New York San Francisco's got water under the bridge I want to speak to Frank Sinatra. Now, please hurry Congratulations. Get me my number When you call back when it's clear, okay, call back. Goodbye The kids the line is busy, but I'll get him in a minute. Hey, mr. Benny When you talk to mr. Sinatra, will you let me say hello to him? All right, Herman. All right, but don't bother me now Gee whiz. Well, my wife finds out I talked to Frank Sinatra. Gee whiz I'll bet she'd be thrilled a Herman. No, she'll beat the stuffings out of me. She likes Crosby Herman I wish they could oh that must be him now quiet kids Hello, how do you do sir? I'm conducting a survey. Do you know what LS MFT mean? Hey kids kids, it's Don Wilson. He called my number by mistake. I wouldn't have some fun with him a Hey, what was that? I said, I'm conducting a survey. Do you know what LS MFT means? No can't say that it do Well LS MFT stands for lucky strike means find the back all well imagine that Yes, lucky strike means find the back oh so round so firm so fully packed do tell So free and easy on the draw. Well, I'll be dirt. Thank you sir and give my regards regards to who? Mary who else your dope? Waiting for Sinatra's call. I'll go in the kitchen make some lemonade. Good. I'd like them me too Jackson Okay, I'll be right back Say Mary Jackson must really be excited. This is the first time he ever offered us anything for nothing Bill we're not out of a house yet Anyway, Jack isn't quite as bad as he I'll answer it. That's Mr. Sinatra in New York now Put him on I'll talk to him and please limit your call to three minutes Don't worry if you talk over three minutes on Benny phone a time bomb goes off Okay, here's your party go ahead. Mrs. Sinatra. Hello Kingston. Oh, hello, Mary. How are you? Fine? She thank you your voice sounds just as nice over the over the phone as it does on the radio Well, thanks, Mary, you know the reason Jack put in this call for you He'd like to have you as a singer on his program. Gee that would be swell. I'd love to be on Jack's show Then I'd get to see you a little more often. Oh Frankie's a good thing. I'm not the type of girl that gets excited because if I was I'd be so so excited Mary who in the world are you talking to Frank Sinatra Sinatra. Give me that phone. Hello. Hello Frank This is Jack Benny. Hello Jack now Frank. I won't beat around the bush How would you like to sing on my program? Well, Jack it sounds interesting, but of course, there's a question of money money this call ain't gonna last no three minutes Quiet Phil what what did you say Frankie? I said Jack that I'd like to sing on your program, but there's the question of money money Oh a minor matter to be sure a Minor matter. Yes, I know but unfortunately I'm not a minor No kidding Frank you come on my program and you'll go places You know when Dennis day left me to join the Navy. He was doing okay Although I will admit he started for a modest salary Jack that's how he wasn't modest. It was just ashamed of itself Now Frankie look after Dennis was with me for five years He worked himself up to thirty five dollars a week now I'm willing to give you the same money to start with that he got the hard way How is that? Thirty five dollars a week Frankie look all you have to do for that thirty five dollars a sing a song that takes two minutes Which means you get paid seventeen fifty a minute or twenty five thousand dollars a day Which means I'm paying you a weekly salary of 186 thousand dollars I know Jack I know all about that you see there were lots of times that Dennis told me about you paying him 186,000 oh really when did Dennis tell you that every time he borrowed lunch money from me Well Frankie I can't help it if Dennis didn't know how to handle his finances. What do you say Frank? Is it a deal? Well, I'm sorry Jack, but I can't accept that salary. You see a man gets into the habit of eating three meals a day What what did you say Frankie? I said I'm in the habit of eating three meals a day Well brother, I've seen you and you know, I'm not going to say Frankie why don't you say okay and accept the proposition? Well, look to clinch the deal. I'll send you five dollars in advance and remember there's plenty more where that What do you say kid? Just give me the word and we'll have I'm sorry mr. Benny your three minutes are up. What do you mean three minutes listen operator? It's only two minutes and 41 seconds. I got my watch right here in my head. Well, I've got a watch too and it's three minutes You're wrong. It's two forty one It's two forty Darn it there goes that time bomb I must have said it a little too early Jack will be back in just a minute, but first here's mr. F.E. Boone at 48 All right In a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco the riper the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco So the next time you buy cigarettes remember lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw the famous tobacco auctioneers heard on tonight's programmer Mr. F.E. Boone of Lexington, Kentucky And mr. L.A speed rigs of goldsboro, north carolina This is basilarized ale speaking for lucky strike ls mft ls mft ls mft for real deep down smoking enjoyment smoke lucky strike for lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw jack. Where are we going to do our broadcast from next sunday next sunday? Well, mary will be broadcasting from the army air base at gardener field Well, what are you going to do about a singer? You didn't finish talking to frank sinatra No, i'll get somebody gosh mary if i hadn't set that time bomb so early i might have gotten sinatra Well, there's no use talking about it now so hang up the receiver I would but there's nothing left to hang it on good night folks This is kfi los angeles