 I'm an everyday woman, woman, woman Welcome to Everyway Woman They're all the major series happening in the hospital I'm living my life, life, life Living day by day Live from Los Angeles, here's Everyway Woman I tend to baby their kids too much But then again, I don't have children It's actually now But if I did have children, I would too But you know what? But it's not just parents, it's the whole institution of anything our kids touch Like for example, the sports teams where everyone gets a trophy Everyone is not awesome Everybody's got that great How long have they been on this? Seven years old, though So? We need to be sad about it They have to learn disappointment Yes, there's always going to be someone on the team Learning to be as gracious as a loser Exactly And if you don't ever lose, then What's that going to teach you guys? Real life hits you and you actually do lose You have to learn at some point that you're going to be judged At some point someone is going to stand in front of you And judge you We hate to use that word, judgment But it's not a negative thing But it's inevitable It doesn't have to be a negative word Absolutely, judgment is inevitable I mean, you're raising children I'm raising children, like boy and a girl Do you think that they're prepared for the real world? You know what? I feel bad My son knew I was working And he stubbed his fingers in the door And I was like, that's what you get Because I'm working I'm working I'm working I'm working You're not working at your group But that's me Because I know life can be hard But what I do is I try to make sure That they have a balance And I think as a parent You need to give them a balance You need to let them still be a child And still give them that balance of reality There's this new parenting technique That you can't let the child cry Anytime No, no 24-7 Physical touch I'm not trying to carry groceries To the car They have to earn a little dollar Or five dollars that I give them And when they have a birthday party We go to a party together You pick your cake You pick what color you want Because I don't want them to be lukewarm And confused all the time I want them to know Directly what it is that they want So when the time comes They can go after it Everybody else has to make the decision for them I have a point where my daughter She was very picky And we're trying to get her to start to choose clothes Now she's really super picky now But when we took part in that But we would lay stuff out and go Pick something And she had to pick something She had to pick what I put on her Anna has an interesting question What about what's on TV though? What is the TV showing? Our children Oh my gosh The TV show And I won't say the name But it was showing the kids How to lie to their parents See what I mean? The mom will say Timmy, go clean your room I'm going to do it in a minute They're texting Right And then they say Give me five minutes And I was like tonight Turn that off right now What happened to the magic school bus? I don't know I don't know Some science I mean that's Because TV is changing a lot of things anymore It is But I was talking Our comedian Who was here And I was talking to a friend Who was telling me That they use television shows For learning moments Like okay this is a prison show And I was like You watch that with your kids And they're like yeah But I tell them If you do this and this and this This is where you end up This is what you want to happen to you So in some of those cases So it's just like that comedian Yeah it's exactly Earlier in their stay I was like Oh yeah I've heard that before But I have to say I have been exposed to The results of what happens When parents don't When kids are not told no I'm a human resource professional And I run an internship program Particularly for high school students And I distinctly remember We have program guidelines And they are very clearly communicated And we had one student Who was selected for the internship And they couldn't fulfill One part of the preliminary requirements Because they were going out of country And you need to be present for it So they had their parent call First the workforce development center That we work through They had the parent call there And ask for an exception And when they said no there The parent called me And asked for an exception And I said First of all If it's the parent calling And not the student I already know Who's driving it That's an automatic turn off But then when I told her no And now mind you I'm a program facilitator The book stops with me When I told her no She politely asked me Well is there anybody else I could talk to I let her know I said You know what It's your guys' decision Whether you take this trip Or you don't But I let you know Your son has a difficult decision In front of him And ultimately He didn't do it That's the outcome No no no I see a lot What's wrong with that Biggest section Well no no I would call anybody Who I need to call To get my child into a program And you know what Understandable But when we have 500 students Who all wanted to Be present And who tried To compete for this And weren't selected And we're willing To fulfill the requirements You know We have to draw the Line somewhere And that is something That when we hear no It's a good thing I remember reading a book And someone told me How your child know And I remember thinking What do you mean Life is about know They need to learn How to hear it How to accept it How to process it Right So I mean Life to be a land Of limitless opportunity So you must Got out of yes Yes And I know I mean I know who Called the producers To get you on We'll be back With more Everyway Woman Stay tuned Coming up next More Everyway Woman Are you in Everyway Woman Over the years I grew up without a father My mother had to play Both roles as a mother And a father With us today Is a single parent Who is not only making A difference in the lives Of his children But also in our community Stay tuned to Everyway Woman First in a voice And today we're Focusing on fathers We'd like to welcome Marcus Ham to the show And I want to know What it's like to be An active participant In your son's life While being separated From his mother I think the concept Of a co-parent Is one that You don't really hear About in society But when things Don't work out Between the parents I think it's always Important for those parents To, you know, Just still work To take care of the child How do you do that? Well, you just have To become a daily Active part Of the child's life You know, it's It's mandatory, you know And you have to be Motivated to do that You know that this Child needs structure They need this, you know Both parents in their life It makes such an impact On every stage of their Development from birth All the way up into adulthood How do you... What if one partner Is not willing to be An active parent? How do you work over that To stay to, as you said Be in part, because it's mandatory How do you work through that? You know, unfortunately You know, everyone has Different circumstances It really does take That individual to kind of Step up and really look At themselves and ask The question, why? Why do I not want To be involved in this child's life? You know, is it because of The mother or the father? Or is it because I'm afraid, you know Maybe it's just I don't know what to do No one knows what to do When they first step into A child's life Were you afraid of that? I was afraid, but You know, the way that Certain people handle fear You know, the flight or flight I think it was the fight You know, it was Okay, this is here I can't do anything about this You know, this... You know, I can't Change it, I'm not Going to try it You embrace it It's interesting though Because so many single moms Right now are not letting Fathers participate They're saying I've got this I can do it all I don't need you And I'm so glad that You're really giving a face To the father and saying You know, you do need me Yeah, we all have Our roles in a child's life What does your role look like? My role for my son I think really has a lot to do With giving him a Mirror image to look at You know, he emulates A lot of the things that I do Like what? You know, from a kid's standpoint You know, we love superheroes My son, he's a big Batman fan Alright, okay And he calls me Superman Wow, that's so cute Yeah, so... Marcus, where did you learn Where did you get this concert from Where did you learn The importance of being a father? Well, thankfully I had both parents in my life And my father played a very strong role And continues to to this day What did he teach you? I mean, really, what did he teach you That you've transferred over To your son now? Especially since you're Superman I mean, Superman He taught me the importance Of being a man in the household You know, he... Even at a younger age He kind of warned against the potential Of, you know, being in a situation Where the relationship may not work out And how important it is that No matter what, you know You need to be a father to that child And Joseph made a good point That oftentimes single mothers Say it can do it all Talk a little bit about the notion That the only man who can teach a man To be a man is a man What are your thoughts about that? Is the Superman? I do agree to the extent And of course I understand That this isn't always possible In everyone's life And there's nothing to be held against Any child that doesn't have A father figure in their life But I have to say that, you know Being a father and seeing the difference In what my role is in my son's life I know that my role is necessary to him And I know that it's going to make A very big difference in the outcome Of his future And I think that more fathers Need to take on that position And be a daily part of their child's life So what would you say to those Deadbeat dads? I would say, you know It's time to man up You know, it's time to put aside Whatever your personal issues are No matter what they are Whether they're personal From your childhood Or whatever is going on Between you and the person in your life And just focus on that child You know, I love what you said About the roles And traditionally the role of the mother Is the nurturer What would you say is the role Of the father in a child's life The specific role? I think educator, structure builder You know, children Especially at an earlier age You know, they're wild We all know that They learn so much in such a short amount of time When they're children Yeah, absolutely They learn so much And I mean, they're following your daily routines And routine is a very important part Of being a parent on a daily level How has it affected you personally Being a father? I mean, before you were a father You were Marcus Right, I was Marcus I moved to Los Angeles From the East Coast And I came with the dreams Of film and fame Having a son, you know It became more about him Than it did about me And my focus went towards What can I do That's going to work for both of us What's going to guarantee That he has a future And give me the opportunity To grow as well So were you the same man now That you were then? I can say, you know In a lot of ways I'm not And I say that because For the better? Yeah, definitely for the better Because it's not just me anymore I don't make any decisions for myself I make decisions for the both of us You know, Marcus, what's the one thing That you want your son to always Remember about you? What's the one thing? I think That he's grown in I just want him to remember That I was always there And I want him to know that That came with the choice That I made And that he's going to have That choice in his time as well Wow, that's powerful That you are always there Thank you for always being there For being that superhero dad And I hope that serves to An example to the fathers that are watching And the mothers let him be a father Stay tuned with more Everyway Woman when we come back We'll be back with Everyday Fitness Are you an Everyway Woman Are you an Everyway Woman Coming up next We have Carly Who's going to be talking to us About benefits of weightlifting I better see you at the gym Later after this Stay with us here at Everyway Woman We're going to set the record Straight on women lifting weights Our fitness expert is here To explain You know, I've always I'm actually excited Your hair First off, I'm loving your legs Well, this comes from weight training So this is why I'm here I saw you walking I'm like, I wish I had those legs Yeah I've always wondered though Me, you know A bit chunkier So I don't want to turn My fatness into, you know Muscle like I mean So you're trying to Like bulking up Yeah, bulking up That's what it's called I'm glad that you brought that up Because that is a misconception A lot of women are very afraid of Of doing You have to lose weight first, right? No, but the thing is The thing is Muscle helps you lose Body fat Okay Oh, I didn't know that So imagine your muscles Being an engine And they're the ones And body fat becomes The thing that it burns So the more muscle you have The higher metabolism The bigger the engine The more calories And more fat that you're going to burn And more leaner you become So you're not going to bulk You're actually going to actually help Lean out when you add muscle Right Bulking comes from when you have Increased body fat And little muscle tissue So it's actually the opposite Well, all these words Muscle tissue Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm sorry No, no, no But I'm getting it You're trying to understand Because, you know I don't think I've ever I mean For me And when I go to the gym It's like I exercise I exercise, you know But it's mostly on the treadmill So this whole new, you know Lifting weights thing Is a bit different for me Right, but think about this So when you're going on the machine On the cardio machine The more muscles you have The more calories you're burning Does that make sense? But then you kind of said that Lifting weights You kind of burn calories too Lifting, oh yeah Lifting weight I didn't know that Lifting weight You're adding to your engine Which is your muscles Lean mass Muscles that you have to your body So the more muscles you have That's why guys have a high metabolism Because they have more lean tissue Or muscles What's metabolism? It's when basically Your body is using the food Or anything that you have Storage of what you eat And burning it up That's your metabolism So you have metabolism Just to keep you alive right now To breathe Your body is burning calories Okay And then when you exercise It's even higher And you're burning more calories So what's going to make a difference Is you have more lean tissue Such as men have bigger engines For the fact that they have more muscle They burn more calories Such as like I know women get frustrated When they do like a boyfriend Let's say My boyfriend and I are going to have A little contest And lose body weight And the women are working harder But the men are barely doing anything And they're losing so much faster Right For the fact that they're naturally Natural composition Is that they have more lean tissue And they have more testosterone To make them burn faster So then for example Let's say I go to the gym What kind of weights Would you recommend for me to do? Are you a beginner right? A total beginner So if you were a beginner You want to start maybe like 12 to 15 reps So that's how many times you're going to live Such as like if you're going to do Some ice curls Oh these are reps Right But let's say for women They have problems with like The rear The back of the arm So tricep exercise is very important So you could do maybe 12 to 15 reps Times With the weight Where you feel comfortable That you can do it 12 to 15 times So you kind of have to play a little bit So and you want to make sure That you're always pushing yourself A little bit So you can be stronger And you're building muscle So you can burn calories So do maybe The last few reps of those You should start feeling a little resistance You should feel a little tough What do you do for your legs? This comes from squats Lunges And heavy by the way Heavy lifting So I'm not going to get I think I look okay right? You lift heavy ones Yeah but in order to get these legs I have to push myself Challenge my body Challenge Exactly To get where I need to go So that's from heavy lifting And consistently Now that we're talking about heavy lifting What is too much lifting For anyone Maybe somebody that's watching right now Too much lifting I don't know if there's too much I mean if you're doing improper form So then you don't want to do too much Where you're doing improper form You get heart You will see that in the gym as well Let's say that I don't want to knock the guys But sometimes the guys Their yoga comes with weight training right And then you'll see them doing crazy Like swinging and what not And you know That comes with you know They just have this challenge And they want to be able to lift that weight But if they do that They can also get hurt So proper technique is very important In training How can they get hurt though From weight training You could throw your back out You know If you're swinging If you're doing let's say A heavy dumbbell curl Right Swing your body Right And then you couldn't be like Oh my back Right And you didn't even use The muscles to do the exercise You used your back Is it true that like This is one fear I've always had As you get older You can't exercise as much And I'm thinking like weights Right You Well people it's a little bit harder But actually it's more important That you exercise when you're older Because when you get older Your muscles actually atrophy Or get smaller And that's your metabolism decreases Thank you So much I learned so much Thank you for your advice And we will be right back With EveryWay Woman This has been an EveryWay Woman production Every day woman Woman Woman In every way Yeah Living day by day