 Everybody you welcome to Psychic Medium Tony Green relationship edition. So today I have a very special co-host and we are going to be discussing all sorts of relationships, dues, don'ts, wills, won'ts, and remember I'm not the boss of you, whatever makes you comfortable, go ahead and do it. But these are just suggestions, just little things that might help you on your journey to finding what everybody likes to call the one, that one person that makes you, you know, drop your panties without thinking about it, the one, I don't know, or that one person that you think is going to fulfill all of your, all of your everything. Okay, so let's, let's go to my very special co-host, Scott, Kevin Scott. How are you today? I'm good. I appreciate that you were looking for someone who's made every mistake in relationships to come on the show to learn from my errors. That's so funny, because when I told my sister that I was doing a relationship show, she looked at me with like this shocking look on her face and said, you're not giving relationship advice, are you? And I pretty much had the same use. Yes, go ahead, I'm sorry, yes. Because once you've been through the good, the bad and the ugly, I think you can draw from that to give to people and help them out in some sort of way, right? Oh gosh, please learn from our mistakes. Do not, do not, if you don't have to go through something, definitely don't do it. So Scott, I want to start off today by talking a little bit about when is it appropriate to ask those questions in a dating scenario? Whether you meet somebody online, whether you meet somebody organically, whether you're just having coffee, whatever it is, when is it appropriate to ask, you know, the more, what would we call these questions? Scott, the questions that are more telling about where each person is going, when do you feel that that's an appropriate, it's an appropriate time to do that? My experience is not that online, it's generally been more organic. And so you're getting to know each other. But I think it's a person that's either not what you're looking for, or maybe you weren't looking for them and they just came in your life. And it's a lot more than you ever expecting. But I think it's critical for yourself to respect. Right, exactly. And I agree 100%. At this point in life, and at any point in life, you going out with someone, whether it's a male or female, if you're going out with someone, and you are knowing for yourself what you want. If you're looking for something serious, something not so serious, if you're looking for the one, and you should be able to ask that of the other person. Now, it doesn't mean you're asking that person, do you think I'm the one? That would be awkward over the first cup of coffee. That would be a little like, don't be sipping your cappuccino. Go ahead. That's a critical distinction, though, is, you know, are you open to something like that? This is my ring size. Exactly. So one of the best ways I've heard it put, and there's a couple different ways you can say this, without making it personal, without making it like about me. But if I'm sitting with somebody, and we're having a conversation, we're on what I think is a date. First of all, established is this a date. Because there are a lot of people that will go, no, I'm just looking for friends. So established before the date that it is a date, maybe, with some of these people out here. Second, one of the things that I, one of the ways that there are several different ways you can ask, if you don't want to be too blunt and to the point, you can just say something as simple as, so why, why are you dating? What's your purpose for dating? That takes a lot of pressure off, because then somebody can say, I just want to get to know people. I want to meet people. I'm not looking for anything. And it's not personal. It's not like I'm saying, why are you dating me? Where is this going? Right? What do you think about that? I don't do online dating, but I do think or sort of blind date kind of thing. So there's sort of some build up for it. And so you're not really confused. But I do think, and I would think regardless of your gender, that's something you would want to get out there immediately. Yeah. And I'm going to, and thank you for saying that. I think the only person, people who wouldn't want to get that out there, regardless of your gender is our people who might be trying to play you. And I just want to say one more thing. If you're afraid to ask a question, you shouldn't be dating or you shouldn't be dating that person. I agree. 100% right? I agree. And you, yeah. And you can't be afraid of that response. You just have to be like that. So I'm, thank you next. Like I want to find out before I invest feelings in a person where it's going. I want to know, like, if you're just looking for friends, that's great. At this point in time, I don't have time for friends. I barely have time for, you know, well, we won't talk about what I personally have time for, but I'm just saying, like, no, it is for a whole another show. So let's, let's go to the first caller. How about that? Okay. So, okay. When I call out your area code, please have a specific relationship and or dating question ready. Take us off of speakerphone. That means put your phone to your face. If you're using Bluetooth or anything else, it will catch the noise around you. So please put the phone to your face and we will have a conversation area code 917. What's your name? Where are you calling from? 917? All righty. Maybe that was, are you there? Okay. So what's your name? Where are you calling from? Okay. Stacey, what's your relationship question for us? So let me ask you, why don't you have a relationship until next summer? Is the person out of town or what's your deal with that? I can get into a relationship. Okay. I get that. I get that. That sounds, that sounds fair. Stacey, I want to ask you, when do you think, so I'm going to turn this sense, you don't have a relationship question. I'm going to ask you to participate with the relationship questions. When do you feel like it's appropriate to ask those, those questions, those really telling questions about where the relationship is going? When do you feel like it's, it's a good time for that? The appropriate time to ask those questions? Yeah. Like not, not like, and we're not saying, where do you think this is going with me? But more so just like, yeah. Even though I might kind of take it seriously, I would just treat him like popcorn just to see, they kind of just go out with him at least a few times by the Thursday to by the fourth date. Then I, okay. Now one of the things like, and here's Scott, here we go. I've heard, I'm going to put this out there. There's this expectation or this thing about the third date. The third date is the date where a lot of people are like, well, this is the third date, you know, what happens on the third date? I don't prescribe to that because you know, it takes a lot more than three dates to whatever. So if it is a third date thing, if somebody's thinking, and this is, this is the irony of our society, if somebody's thinking, if there's this preconceived notion that by the third date, it's pants down, why is it wrong to ask on the first or second date, where is this going other than the third date pants down? Okay. Who wants to answer that first, Scott? And again, you've already established. I was not aware of the third date rule. I'm curious about what it would be like popcorn is. I'm preaching a lot of salt and butter. Yes, I don't, I don't subscribe to the third date rule. Do you? Do you, Stacey, correct? Do you subscribe to the third date, third date rule? Okay. I get that. I understand that. Very good. Very good. Okay. Well, thank you so much for calling in. And I want to tell you, you have the potential to meet somebody in March, but I do feel like you're going to wait until June. Now I feel like wherever you're, I just, I feel like I keep hearing March for you. There's going to be a lot of changes in your life in March, but I feel like in June is when everything is going to take off for you. Okay, love. You are so welcome. Thank you so much for calling in. Thank you. So you are welcome. So then I want to ask Scott, now that we've established, you know, the sooner you ask the questions, the better. Let's talk about how to ask those questions, because sometimes I think for women, it's a little bit different than men. I think there are a lot of women that in our society and in many other societies, it's a male dominated, whatever it's called, that men, men make the decisions in relationships, nine times out of 10 in most societies. So women are always waiting on a man to like ask those questions, to ask us out to make the move or to, you know, propose or whatever it is, we wait in many instances for the man to make that move. And I'm traditional, I do. I won't. I would be that person that would wait. So if a woman is in a situation with someone and she's waiting, what do you feel like is, I don't want to say an appropriate amount of time to wait because it's each person is individual. But if you're with, if you're dating someone, and this is the biggest question I get from a lot of women, he hasn't proposed yet, when is he going to propose? Or when are we going to get married? And there is a lot of concern around that as far as that situation. And I think those, those sorts of things should be discussed early on and then held to, right? There's, there's a point where you have to really hold to those things. And what I mean, I go ahead. I would say most that the men get to make the decisions. But I understand that was the premise of your question. At least once the marriage starts, but 90%, but a man or a woman is you have value. Nothing is more important than your happiness. And it doesn't mean it's more important than anybody else's, but you deserve to be treated like you have value. And if you're in a relationship, they held valuable, but why that's anybody's goal, the goal will be to find the right person and let it sort of progress where it's going to progress, which may be marriage or married to people they shouldn't be married to. But I do think you can say, look, that's not changing. It's just giving you the knowledge. Right. And absolutely, I agree 100%. And I would even go so far as to say is, if you're pushing for, you know, if something goes wrong in a relationship, or you don't feel secure in the relationship, you shouldn't be pushing for the next step, because the next step isn't going to change the personality of that person. It isn't going to change the way they behave. It isn't going to change their character or how they treat you. It's just the next step. That's something they may not have wanted to be in. Yes. And they're, you know, they're, I don't want to say survival instinct, but it's just going to be worse. It's certainly not going to change it for the better. You know, I agree 100%. And I'm going to tell you, sometimes you're in a relationship with somebody who just doesn't want a commitment for whatever reason, if it's because they want to play the field, or they're terrified of commitment, whatever it is, find out what the reason is. And if you can live with that, live with that. If you can't move on, but the sooner you find these things out and move on, the better off you are going to be. Because inevitably, if you're with somebody who doesn't want a commitment, if you're with somebody who is in a third party situation, if you're with somebody who's whatever your personal situation is, the sooner you find out the truth, the sooner you take yourself out of denial, the sooner you can move on to something that's much better. And I think we've all been in situations with people who are maybe weren't the best people for us. They, they taught us a lot. They weren't our ever after person. Right? And then we get to, once we get out of that situation and Scott, I think Scott, Kevin Scott, that always reminds me like Bond, James Bond. I don't know why I call it. I'll just call you Kevin now or I'll keep calling you Scott either way. I think that the sooner, and we've all had this experience where once we get out of something, and we look back, we can go, oh my gosh, I can't believe I went that long or it got that bad. But then it really does open the door to something better. And would you like to speak on that? Yes. You want to cherish and you want to be recognized to go. It certainly has been relationships where you look over. Gee, I thought I ended this two years ago. What was I thinking? Yeah. And every, every day, a little bit of you just sort of, you know, you settle and you take the rejection or you, you take the slight or you're not valued and a little piece of your self-esteem goes away. And then it's horrible. And then, you know, the next step is just to get out of that relationship. And then if you stumble into a really healthy one, it is like, you know, the heavens open up and all that time being unhappy and feeling less about myself when nothing is out there. Yeah. 100%. And I think that people get stuck in. Like we, once we get into something, we get stuck in, but I love them. But if I hurt them, I'll hurt them. If I leave them, I'll hurt them. Or we have any number of reasons not to leave someone. But the real thing is we're afraid. We're afraid that maybe we won't find somebody better. We won't find somebody else because that's the other biggest question that people ask me. Will I meet someone else? Will I meet somebody better? Well, for the love of God, let's hope you don't meet the same person again or somebody worse because I can't imagine that like what you've been going through, right? Like, it's got to get better. And the fact that we don't even believe there might be somebody better out there, how defeated are we at that point and love the fact that? Well, that's because you've been conditioned because every day you wake up unfilled or unsatisfied or unappreciated and you start to believe it. Exactly. And I'm going to say this. If you love this person, that's great. You can love somebody up close and you can love them from a distance. But if you're loving somebody who isn't giving you back that same level of love, that same level of respect, that same, if they're giving you false promises or not even promises, love them from a distance. It's much easier and it's better for your personal soul. It's better for your heart. And find somebody who's on your level. Find someone who can give you that same level of love and respect that you're capable of giving. And they are out there. Listen to Scott. Listen to the way Scott's talking. He is a very amazing man, first of all. And this is a... I'll walk around saying it, but you don't have to because it's true. Here's women. Here's a man who is telling you who's straight out of his own mouth that you deserve to be cherished. You deserve to be appreciated. And if you're not, go because there is somebody out there. And Scott is not the only man like this. I mean, you know, I'm just saying there are a lot of really healthy, loving and caring men and women out there that are single. You just can't settle. Would you agree with that, Scott? Obviously you would. And if your affection is unequal, the relationship will not work and should not work for you because you just deserve better. Yes. Yes. And I want to go back to where we started at the beginning for a quick second and say, you know, again, if you're afraid to ask relationship questions, if you're afraid to ask that person, if they're looking for something serious, if they, if they're seeing other people, how long their last relationship lasted. These are folks, let me tell you something. These are normal conversations. These are normal questions that people ask people. I ask them to my female friends. If you're afraid to ask that to a potential partner, stop dating and don't take this personally. And if this upsets you, I'm sorry, stop dating, get maybe set up an appointment with a counselor or read some books on relationships and being healthy in relationships because you deserve to know from the beginning where it's going. And I'm going to tell you, if you're afraid, the person's going to get upset and answer the question harshly or get angry with you. Number one, then you've been programmed or trained not to ask uncomfortable questions. Is that the right way for me to say that? Like some place in your class. Yes, but you don't know that the person across from you is going to be uncomfortable with that question or get upset with that question. You're presuming that based on your last experience and big, big hello here. If this person does get upset with that question, get up and walk out. Get up and walk out because nobody should get upset about a question. Right? Nobody should be upset if you ask them a question. Right? Am I am I right? Well, certainly don't go back for a second one. You know, maybe the dinner was really good or something. You can hang around and finish. But yeah, I don't invest any more time. Okay, I would get up and walk out. I'm very practical, Tony. I know. I'm so dramatic. If somebody gets upset with me for asking a question, I just know at that point, like, well, it's not going to work out. Let's not waste anybody else's time. And you can take mine home with you. I'm done. Thank you. Have a have a nice life. No, I don't hate you. I just don't want to be treated like this. But thank you so very much. And I'm, oh my goodness. But I have, you know what? I have very different views. Like I, I don't necessarily always believe in marriage, right? I don't believe in the piece of paper. If you want to have a ceremony and say you're committed to each other, go ahead and do that. But I don't think if I want to break up with somebody that I have to go get permission from a judge, like I just don't, I don't feel like, like, okay, we're not getting along. Please, Mr. Judge, sir, can we please get a divorce? Please, sir. I mean, that's my personal view. So this is who you're taking relationship advice from at this point. Well, the existence of marriage shouldn't be the goal. The defining the right person is the goal. And if that manifest in marriage, great. But too much only to risk of being cliched is the goal. Yes. 100%. I agree. And a lot of people think if they can push it to that next level and make it, they can change that person. And I'm going to tell you 100%. The only person you can change in this world is yourself. So please. But they're going to be the same and you're not going to be happy. And I love your sense of humor. Oh, yes. No, it's true, though. It's true. Like it's 100%. 100%. It's true. Okay. Scott, thank you so much for being a guest. It was such an honor and so much fun having you on today. I want to thank you. My pleasure. And I I hope so. I'm going to, I'm going to hold you to that. I'm going to bring you back again. And I do hope that you have a very merry Christmas along with everybody else listening. Please have a very, very merry Christmas. And I hope if I don't see you before New Year, happy New Year. I'll be back Monday at noon. And you can call in and ask any questions you want about life, love, career. Thank you so much for joining us.