 Hahahaha. Ribbed outside, outside. And now we're back and let's get straight into the diaries entry of one of the most twisted freak legends that lives on the north side of Brisbane. I have him. have them. It's Julian James Tennyson Woods. 40-60 till a f***ing NOOOOOO! This is Galperna, don't drop it! Holy f***! Holy s***, there are so many of you f***ing ringworms, holy s***! Who the f***'s been up a good night tonight? Okay, honestly, we thought we were gonna sell four f***ing... Okay, thanks mate. We thought we were gonna sell four f***ing tickets, three of them going to the partners of the boys, one to Matt Brancas, f*** that c***! He's gonna send some skype to the website and he lives for free! We don't owe him s***! F*** him! But the boys asked me to come warm you guys up and I thought, f***, I've gotta set the bar high. So, bring it out, f***ing, come here! Alright, so here, here! Let's just arrange the hands. Who's been to Thailand? Anybody here been to Thailand? Alright, so, in Thailand I have a little thing called a ping pong show. Little thing called a ping pong show. There's three things you need for a ping pong show. The first thing being ping pong balls. The second thing being a girl. The third thing being consent. Obviously, you f***ing consent. Pride to me and the Queensland bad districts thinking I then weren't, you need consent. Okay, so right now, Bruce. Actually, what's your name? Sapphire. Sapphire. That's definitely a f***ing made-up name, guys. Julie, you're wasting our money. Alright, so it turns out you can't do a live sex show at the Queensland Multicultural Centre. Multicultural? I'm a corner Indian. She's Aussie. That's f***ing tired. Bull s***! How about we just get this to the show? Who's can you see, buddy, or Michael? Who's can you see, mate, brown? Stab, stab, kick, push, dim the f***ing lights, cunt. See, website members. Hands up, not website members. Come on, guys. Yeah. We're going to bring a wild show today. As you know, shoot is going to come on. Your music saved my life. Sorry. I don't know what that means. You safe, brown. Alright, so we're going to try and make this as normal a podcast as possible, and it's just going to, our normal segments, we're going to try a prank call at the end, and it's just, so just this is our first live show, so just bear with us, okay. Now, Julie, you don't know this, but we've organised a very special someone to come. I want very, very special. You're f***ing kidding. Oh, yeah. Here she comes. Here she comes now, Julian. It's the most special. Oh, my God. It's my f***ing mum. It's Tracy! Oh, my God, mother! Oh, my God, it is. Take a seat, ladies. Take a seat on the ground. Oh, f*** sake. Down on the ground. And they're drinking wine, too. Oh, shoot. You f***ing... Push up, push up, push up, man. We're going to get them in before the strip a bit, but we do want to do that. I think Tristan is our end. Josh, if you move across, then they can sit together. Yeah, that's perfect. No, you might have to go. That's what I'm talking about. All right, so... This is to keep Julian in check. Oh, God. So, first of all, thank you everyone for coming. Shhh. Second of all, bear with us if there's any mistakes, all right? Just f***ing... I don't know what's going to happen. We have no idea what we're doing. All right, we're going to get on shooting. Now, Julian's going to introduce him and, yeah, he's... All right, guys, you all know him as the Aussie's Looses Blok. He is the reason I started making videos. He's a pioneer in Australian comedy. Make some noise for Alex Shooter, Williamson. Where is he? Brown's working. Where is he? Brown's doing sh**. Oh, sh**. Brown's doing things. Look at Matt. Matt works in... Here he is, here he is, here he is. Come and have a seat now. Welcome. Come and have a f***ing seat. He just had some ninks. All right, now, this is our first night meeting Alex as well. So, how the f*** are you, dude? I was just seeing if you got a stiffy. No. That's a bit wet. Yeah. I had a piss, and I, yeah, sorry. Sorry about that. So, how are you, dude? We first saw you, right, on Instagram many years ago. Back when Instagram was cool and not a children's social media platform. It was right when you get the little red notification and you'd be like, all could be some sh** on a root. Yeah. Those are the days. But it's now it's just memes and stuff. Yeah, exactly. So, you were pumping out heaps of vids back then. Is that what grew your career, the Instagram vids? Yeah, you know what? I guess I've skipped a whore from thing to thing as they sort of come out and develop. You started with YouTube. And with YouTube, I guess the way I phrase it to people is that I started with trying to capture a very particular niche which was the dream team, the fantasy football. And when those cunts got obsessed there was only like 15,000 of them that were doing the competition at the time. 15,000 can't sit again. Yeah, that's fast. That grew from me to do the Ben Cousins thing, which you might not be too familiar with. You want to say it, which is more of an Australia-wide thing. So, that sort of opened it up to not be such the niche of the dream team comp, but the actual comp itself. So, everyone who watches that fell. And then I went to the soccer, the ones at World Cup going, yeah, f**k, can't. And that, the world took notice of the get f**k, can't. As they should. I said it pretty loud. And then you, so when's your next, have you got any stand-up or are you going to start turning again? No, at the moment I'm looking to, I'm just having a break. I'm actually doing an album. I'm actually doing some music as well. Bullsh**t, were you singing? I pianist. What the f**k? We should have brought the piano, I didn't know that. There would be one back there, right? No, f**k. Someone should go and look. Yeah, the music's been a good thing to sort of, yeah, just take a bit of a break. I guess you sort of, f**king hit a bit of a wall in life itself, in whatever form that may come. F**king oath. Yeah. But, you know, I seem to have climbed it. I seem to have, I seem to be peering over the edge, hanging on to your life at the moment. And no, you boys might be able to just f**king cling me on and pin me on and hold me. We can save each other. I'll suck you dick for 20 bucks. That's why he's here. 50. 40 for you, cunt. Yeah, so what we like is, because something we share in common is that, you know, we used to, not so much now, we used to go f**king hard and, you know, branded ourselves as bender boys. And we love getting bender boys or ex-bender boys on just because we've always got the best f**king stories. So do you have any f**king f**ked up stories that you'd be willing to share? Like something just f**king outrageous that happened on a Ben. Like kick on s**t. No, I have, you know, as I said before, me doing the Ben Cousins stuff, who based on... Did he ever see that Ben Cousins? Yeah, apparently he was put on the, when he was at Richmond for that year. They put it on the TV at some point when he was in the room but no, I'd never really acknowledged it. But having said that, I had a mate that played for the West Coast League. So I guess I could tell, I actually know a pretty ultimate Benny Cousins bender story just purely from him. He reckons that f**king Benny had been up for like four days just on the paper. And no sleet, four days. After a game on a Saturday night was a game and he'd been up for like... He won it too. And he was here and he f**king, he was with a bunch of you know... Children. Suspect characters actually. Suspect characters. You know, they're like, hang out with bikies, a lot of the AFL f**king stuff, you know. So he's rolling around with them and they're all sort of just sitting out in the lounge room. It's been four days. And anyway, out of nowhere, Cousins just sitting there with the cunts and he just gets up with no shirt on. He puts his bag on his shoulder and he's like, oh, I'm off to the footage right now. He just walks out the f**king door. And all these f**king hardcore cunts are like, oh Jesus f**king, these cunts are cool. We thought we were hardcore. And then he apparently comes back f**king six hours later. He just walks through the door, no shirt on still. And he's like, broke the club swimming record. Oh my God. So he was built for it. He was made for it. Meth helps with sports, I guess is what we're trying to say. Yeah, do drugs if you want to do sport. If you're an aspiring athlete, do meth, maybe. But I think that's a good inspiration. Mine are probably more depressing. That's a good inspirational one. Wow. Yeah, so you guys, obviously, I brought the nangs along today in the dressing room. I brought my bong along. With my bong, it's the one I'm renting from off your tree. I'm gonna throw it back through there. We know when I go on my... But what was your drug of choice? We've gone through phases, haven't we? MD was good for a while. Acid a little bit, you guys. But when we were younger, no one was really into drugs and sh**. It was all just piss. And I think the rich, older people could afford coke. You do pingas every now and then. How old are you guys? I'm 33. You would have been 10, 11 when you were hearing about Red Mitty's killing cunts and you're like, I want one of those. Exactly. How many caps have you done in one night? Caps, caps, I actually had a bit of a... I get a bit of almost like a Vietnam war. No good flashback when I think about that. Oh, you've got two now. That's exactly what it is to me. It's happened for a bit of an obscure reason. We had some bad come downs and sh**. But this was the mother f*****g of this house party. We were in Canberra and they were like, do you want to go to a party? I'm like, yeah. So we were in New South Wales now. I was like, what? But you know, it was not far. I was like, 10 minutes across the border. I was like, why are you going to flip down already? And then this mother f*****g who's having the party is just wearing his mum's dress, walking around his mum's dress. He's an MDMA dear, all right? And he's got all this sh**. I'm sitting there and I'm watching these cunts with a vodka or something, puffing the liquid vodka with a pump and puff and I don't know what's going on. Cunts standing in the doorway wearing his mum's dress. He's just looking at me and he just pulls out a f*****g rock of MDMA, right? About that big, like a fist. And just like it's an apple in the schoolyard. Oh! And it had a very similar crunch to the apple in his mouth. I'm getting them now, man. He's f*****g like, ooey. Goosebumps, man, like literally. And then he died. I had to bury him in his mum's dress, actually. It's a bit embarrassing. Holy f*****g. They want a sight to see this freak wearing a f*****g dress. It's stuck with me, bro. What was he like after that? After that, he'd come over and his family had this massive, real full-size pool table. A really impressive one. He's dressing in his texture. He's like, f*****g sign it. I'm like, where? On the Feltown. And I'm like, oh, he's pooled over. He's like, I'm like, go to do it. He's like, no! F*****g big one. All right, you got it. Have a dick in there for good news. We'll be f*****g news. But yeah, so don't do MDMA. Don't do that much anyway. You know, you guys f*****g, I do find my Queensland shows would go off because you can't just f*****g love drugs. You can't, yeah. And I will say, yeah. People ask me. I'd love to see how many drugs there are. If we could, to get everyone to put all of their drugs on the floor. I bet you there's f*****g, there would be so many drugs here. I'd say you guys, and it's pretty good effort to be in competition with, like, Melbourne for drug and drug. But you guys are, it's the YouTube. Yeah, f*****g, they're flying the flag. Um, yeah, no, but that's my that's my story there, the Ben Cousins one. Yeah, that's good. So, when did you... Was there a moment, like, you knew that you were, like, funny? Like, was there a, like... So you said that I was gay? I was like, I'm all gay. Well, that too. Yeah, why not? You know, it goes through high school, primary school. Okay, people ask you that. Do you remember, like, yeah, starting to make people laugh and thinking, f*****g, that's like... And did you ever make a teacher cry? No, I watched another couple of boys make a teacher cry, and I was a little uncomfortable with it. I kicked you in the head when you were choosing to go back. No, what was your initial question? When did you know? The teacher crying really affected me. When did you know? Oh, yeah, people often ask me, and yes, I guess in hindsight, I was somewhat... Did he, what did he do to pull his cock out? He just saw a bum. We just saw a bum. Yeah, very impressive. He's a f*****g... Sorry, now the cock's throwing me off. And I knew, I didn't think I was funny per se. I knew people would say to me, you're funny, you know, in school, but I wouldn't think of it, I'm funny. I used to think I'm good at talking to people. And I was able to talk to everyone. I never judged, I never was like, I'm not talking to those guys that we're making. Whatever it might be, I never did that. I was always talking to them. And I felt that weaponising me in a way that it opened me up to a whole readying me for the world as well as different people's opinions, aspects, whatever the situation is. I wasn't judging, I was willing to listen and talk and just treat normally. And that's probably the difference that stood out more than being told. You don't need uni's and shit, eh? Yeah, nah, that's fucked up. Nah, I did go to uni too. I went to uni, I did a fucking master's of teaching. I'm a teacher, I went to did teaching. Oh yeah, I did half a teaching degree as well. Oh yeah, I had to fucking just go and do like a master's course where it was like, I was the only con in there that was underlocked, 35, and they were all sort of like mums that had gone out and had a kid and they'd maybe got time to get back to work or whatever it might have been, what a change of career. It was all those sort of people so I couldn't just go in there and just be like who had pills in her threesome on the weekend? You know, but I wanted to be a fucking sata because they're just all looking at their favourite soups and shit. Nah, that's just going to kill the mood if I go talking about penguins. Marty goes to uni, goes there for six months then doesn't quit for the whole term. Now he has to pay off the whole uni degree. His hex set is so fucked up. And he didn't even go to it just because making that email is something that I regret. That stings you. I'm constantly paying for little things that they know people will not be fucked doing, people like me. Bunch of fuck. My parents should have told me to do that. I think I did tell you a few times but you're like, I'll do it tomorrow. Then we laugh at the fact that you were paying for it but not going and then it stung him like two years ago. Did you learn anything? I had to pay like 50k. Didn't learn anything. You know how they make you do the month where you have to go to work at a school? Yes. I did that. And that's fucked. It was full on man because I was in the same situation. Because you don't get paid either. I hid in the library. I didn't realise I was hiding in the special needs room. I'm hiding out there because it was this spot in the library where the teachers didn't fucking really go that far into it to look where I was if I was off saying I was doing something. I'm not in class, I'll be there. I'm hiding out there and then one day this teacher comes in with like a couple of motherfuckers you know and I'm like, oh well What's going on? This is the room, the special needs room and we use it so I'm like, oh we haven't been here or there's like everything. Did you just say I belong here? No, I'm a student. I'm not going to help. I remember doing the social society environment fucking topic where I was having to teach the kids about sanitary drugs and everything and then I remember just going having the fattest pipe in the car. I was like, here in the car, fuck! If you're the sweetest one ever, after saying it's not good then gone. Are you hypocrite? Have you ever nearly died? When I was in Edinburgh for my 30th birthday in August I was in Scotland for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I got so much fucking coke and it was this good pure Spanish shit that was so pure fucking and so for that reason my housemate Daniel Muggleton he just like every day just over my 30th weekend because I was just by myself doing coke and he just like poked his head in and he was like you're dead, yeah. And then I went to on the last day we were there I said I went to the fuck and I went to the shop so I was trying to find you like a hallmark card and said thanks for checking in with O.D. but there was not one. If you're an O.D. you should start talking having cars and say thank you for making sure I didn't know D. Because it's important. There's friends that need to do it. Get ups bro. I feel like I missed the memo. This can't be cut in bodies. I thought it was raining. I thought it was a real baby. Because it was a real baby before. Out the back. Yeah, there was a real baby. They flip. It's the reality. Wearing something similar. So what do you do because we have our parents hated what we did when we started what do your parents think about everything? My parents had both drug and alcohol doctors. My father was a specialist in South Australia for the heroin epidemic of the 90s and he faced more so. But oddly I'd have other people what do you do on film videos for? Don't even do it in my house. Don't do it on a weekend. But my dad bought me the things I needed. He was like have a camera. Bag of cocoa. Whatever you think. Even I was 16 or whatever. He was supportive. He always was like that's what the teaching was. It's a good safe backup. So that was pretty much he was probably on the more supportive side which I'm very thankful for because very easily could someone who's had that background and a private school boy scholarship would go no none of that. Especially when all his fucking friends went to Science Boys their kids now are like biomechanical engineers at Oxford Uni fucking pongs. Smoked 30 the other day actually. In one thrill. What's your drug of choice? What do you like to do? You lucky mother fuckers with a medicinal thing. And fuck you every single when I'm looking for cones on an insta it's like just move your queens in medicinal it's like oh fuck it's that easy can't fuck you can't rubbing it in. Obviously a lot of people have made that choice. I wouldn't even consider weed a drug anymore. It's a natural herb. And yes, you know yes combusting plant matter into your lungs is cancerable but but you can fake the shit and maybe stick it up your asshole. Exactly right. Edibles? Yeah that's right. That's it. That's it. In the lift. In the lift. If you had to if this is a weird question but we'd just like to ask you. If you had to fuck Mary kill me, Michael, Matt let's hear it. Be mindful of your choices. I'd probably obviously you guys have that pairing together the Marty and Michael thing I would probably have to make one of I'd probably kill one of you first and make the other one watch and cry and I'd get I'd fucking just whack into that. I don't care whose tears, one of them. You you're a friend as well and you've come on the adult, the baby and have the butcher out for you. So I reckon I want to get to know you. Kids are essential. It's the first time anyone's ever seen you. That fuck's not dead. And you will marry me. Saturday by noon. That's hot. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. This is fun. It's a fun show. Good on you guys. Hurrah for us. Hurray for us. I wanted to find out this. I've got a Vandetta Star Wars. Are you like just a second. Hands up. There is shit. Do you like that shit? I can I can speak for both sides of that spectrum if you will because I was I could almost say it was inspirational to me instead of me getting into the movies and I wanted to film and played that sort of effect on me being shown it by the school care guy who turned out to be a Vandetta. Did he really? No. He never fucking did anything to me or my brothers or anything. He got caught years after it was about and I'd worked there for the washes and everything. I'd been there since I was year one. There was a sting about eight years after high school and I was pretending to be chicks to cops. So I was pretending to be kids and they got a couple of locals and then he got he got repeat offender. He went and wrote a weird short story about raping kids or something like that after and he got after he got out for the first and that's really weird for me to even process and think about. That's the pedo alarm. There's one in here. That's me. Is that real life? What's that part of the show? Guys, apparently the vaping has set off the fucking smoke alarms and honestly that's fucking you feral fuck. Apparently we all have to evacuate the building. It's only temporary though. Apparently we have to evacuate everyone. This is temporary though. We'll fix this. You are so dumb. You are so dumb. If we'd have a smoke alarm go off we've disabled them all. Oh my God. But it is intermission though. So everyone can go buy some merch, have a piss buy a beer. We're back in 15 minutes guys so fuck off if you want to. So easy. It is now time for manscaped. I'm not so much angry. I'm just more worried than anything. You're not getting it. Oh yeah. Every week you sit there and you listen to what I have to say and still nothing gets done. You think I'll worry about it later. It's not so bad right now. I'm not that fat. I'm not that hairy. One more bad meal. 10 more beers. It doesn't matter. I'll start this tomorrow. Well let me tell you something. All you have is today. If you don't start today you will die. Time is going fast. It's going to speed up and keep going. You need to go to manscaped.com and see what they have. It's the only way to fix you. It's the only way. Look at him. It's the only way to fucking look at you man. I just can't go fully actual 20. You get 20% off. You can go and fix yourself up. Go and make yourself look presentable. It has to be today. It has to be right now. Now is all that matters. Fucking lazy cunts. Again you sit there and go. He makes a lot of sense. Makes a lot of sense what he's saying. I'll do it next time. No! No. Do it now. Save yourself. Stop the decline. Stop the decline. Also for women. This segment is called Bachelor Brown. If you can watch it, there's been many ups, many downs. He's a fucking freak. Matt you're a fucking freak. But tonight we have two finalists and this bachelor will finally be coupled up with his partner in crime. So Matt what I need you to do is I need you to close your fucking eyes. Freak. Alright. Our two bachelorettes. Could you please come to the stage? Here we go Matt. Make some noise. Come closer to me Matt. Come here. I won't lie. I'm a little bit nervous. Alright. As you all know this has been a segment. It's become a bit stale at the end of the season. Let's be honest. But here we are. We're going on like 35 dates with our bachelorettes. And sitting on the other side of that wall are the top two selections. Aren't they Matt? Yeah. Look how awkward he is. Matt doesn't know which of his top five are over there. So Matt's going to ask some questions. We're going to give them a chance to answer each question. And then Matt will finally decide who his life partner is forever. They will be moving into his house. Yes! This is pretty much married at first sight. They're not moving. We'll talk about it. Alright Matt. Here we go. Your first question to your future partner for life partner. What do I say? That's the fucking point Matt. Who his value looks Matt. So we've done this on purpose. What do I refer to Matt? Person one and person two. I will... Fuck you Matt. Just ask a question something that would make you want to be with that person forever. Give them a scenario. Ask them if they suck you off under a bridge. I know that's important to you. Person number one. We are under a bridge right now. Yeah we are the story bridge. Alright first question is Person number one. What is your ideal date with me? Person number one. Person number one. Under a bridge giving you a BJ. Whoa! Holy shit! That wasn't me Matt. That is a wife! Alright that wasn't too bad. Alright. What does contestant number two say? Contestant number two. What is your ideal date with Matthew Gregory Brown? Oh fuck. You're gonna have to suck him off as well I think. Yeah fuck it. Yeah I'll suck you off. You're a good sloppy knobby eh? Dude that's sexy. There seems to be a lot of flash here happening here but... You got fucking Ethan in? Yeah you gave it away! Ethan is hot. It's a different Ethan. How did you actually feel about hearing a man's voice just in his number two? He does have a little quarter chop through his fucking overalls doesn't he? Alright question number two Matt. Alright let's get this done. Alright if we were going overseas where would you like to go? Who do you want to go first? Person one or person two? Person one. Probably to Venice I've got some nice bridges there. Whoa! Common theme is bridges Matt. Not bad. Thoughts? Alright that's enough. Person number two. I would actually like to take you on a nice holiday Matt. I'll take you to Bali. Oh Bali Matt! No one's done that. No one's ever done that. Oi Oi that's not in Bali. That's in Thailand as I fucking showed before. But anyway who's... Ethan Bali. So make sure you're considering these answers as we go along alright. So you've got person one person two. Question number three Brown. If I was going to propose you what would you be ideal proposal? If I was going to do it what would you like? What would you be happy with? Are you asking what the bare minimum is you're a pig Matthew? A ring? Alright do you want me to ask that? Or do you want to think of another one? Okay person number one what would your ideal proposal be from Matthew Gregory Brown? Obviously under a bridge. Okay there seems to be a lot of fucking bridges happening. Person number two please do not say anything about a fucking bridge or I will cut my upper thighs. I've been there. Under a concrete bridge. After a blow job. That's a pretty good answer. Okay. All we have to do is take him under a bridge and toss him a ring and they'll get engaged to you. Is there any person you want to get to know deeper or like ask anything more intricate than these fucking shit questions? About the Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings? That is a really good question. Our last question Matt. Alright person one. Have you seen Lord of the Rings? What the fuck Matt? Have you seen Lord of the Rings? No but I'm willing to watch. Still shit Matt. This is why you get bullied. Honestly. Okay just for me can you please come up with a question that's just like a bit like edgy bit dirty. What does person two say to the Lord of the Rings? It's important. Make sure it's an extended cut. Fuck no. This is more a question for Michael. Alright come on. Just for me. One more question. A bit more intricate. A bit more dirty. Lord of the Rings Matt? Talk about it. It's important. Alright last question man. Here we go. Dig deep. Something that really tells us something about you. Alright person one. What is your star sign? Fuck you Matt. Honestly Matt. Fuck you. Fuck shit. Sorry. Is that your final answer? That is. We all express love in different ways everyone. This is Matt's way of asking. Person number one. What is your fucking star sign? I'm an Aquarius. Yuck. Person number two. What's yours? Taurus I think. Taurus. Taurus and an Aquarius. You have your answers. It is now time to choose your final partner from the whole fucking season of James. Can we get a drum roll? It's a must fuck. And the winner for the Bachelor of Brown is... The winner is... Oh for fuck's sake. Listen to him. James! The winner is... No actually talk over him. Fuck it. Say sorry. I have chosen a bachelor. Okay. But it is not one of these two. Who is it then? Greg Smith was tempting. Greg Smith is always tempting. I would have chosen him. This isn't in the script. He's not around. When we were doing our Bachelor of Brown segment one of my ex-girlfriends actually came on. Oh fucking! He's talking about Leah. Leah. And we actually went on a date and I actually said on the podcast but you guys didn't react so I left it. But I've actually been seeing her ever since. Okay look. As fucked as that is. I want to fucking hit you so bad right now. That has still chosen one of the Bachelorettes that we have organized. We did it. So the segment was a success. Matt is now dating one of the Bachelor Brown ladies. Hurrah! We did it! Hurray! So we've been dating but I haven't really asked her if she'd be my girlfriend yet. Oh! Ask her now. She's actually here. She's in the corner there. Pointing to my mum! Fuck you! Tracy. Yeah Tracy's hot. Tracy's so hot. No! Fuck off! No! Sit down! Stop trying to kiss her Julian! I came out of that. Alright Julian would you mind telling our two people on that side that they've both been horrifically rejected by 200 people? Person one I am so sorry but it's just not going to work out. Person two fuck off. By the way There you go guys. Matt you are so dumb. Do you want to see who you said no to? I do. Definitely Eila. Oh Eila! Well there you go lads. Eila is still single and on the market. Oh Ethan! Fuck off! Ethan's hot! Yeah there you go. A bit of a kiss maybe. Everybody make some noise for the Bachelorette. Alright thank god that segment is over and now Matt has a partner so we can all move on happily. Can't we? So what are we going to do next season? We're going to have to just find someone for him to cheat on her with. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Alright next segment as most of you know in every 40 and every 10 episodes Matt receives a brand new chair. Oh yes. Alright so Julian if you wouldn't mind taking Matt off the fucking stage! Get outside! We're going to set Matt's new chair up live in front of you all. Oh wow I'm excited for this. Alright James come on over. Make sure he's outside. You can look at me in the meantime. Everybody make some noise for James's biceps by the way. James flex! Yes! They're fucking huge. Make some noise for this. Do that. Show us your abs. Should we get Michael to vomit on it? Good boy James. This will be his chair. Alright everybody. Bring Matt in but cover his eyes as he comes in. He's a little bit sick. Just walk forward. I'm having him technically. Come on over here Matt. Alright, place him in front. I'm so excited. Matt keep your eyes closed. Julian's about to remove his hands. Three two one remove the hands and open your eyes. It's your new chair! But you don't have to sit on the vomit. You can just sit on it. You've got babies and shit. There's any more man. Matt I'm so sorry. I had no idea that was going to happen man. Sorry. But we thought it'd be good for your back and shit to sit on the ground. It's sort of sexy. Shut up Michael. Matt the people who usually sit on this in the age group that you like so I was thinking maybe connect to the roots. That's a pedophile joke. It is a pedophile joke. Straight up. You're my brother brother. Let's let Matt get used to his new chair. Sit in the centre. Sorry about that Matt. What do you think of the new chair? Fuck you. Do you think it's better than the milk stool? No the milk stool is nice. It's an actual chair. You can relax now. You can lie down. I'll hang out with you a bit. Look at that. I'm so jealous. Shut up. This is so good. It's such a good chair dude. Yeah that's it. And look you've got an abacus and your favourite Barbies. That song is how we entice his abs. I'm just so upset because I have to do 10 episodes of this. But at least you get a break and the vomit will dry by episode 1 season 5. It's just quite comforting sitting down with everyone above you. I had a feeling you'd like that one. He's flirting with the crowd. What the fuck is that? That's the new chair. It's every 10 episodes. There you go. There's cars I think too. Alright guys. Matt can you move over a little bit? I feel so far away. Just like avoid the vomit. That wasn't me. I was already like that. It's the second hand. Alright guys. As you all know maybe Mother has sponsored a brand new segment. Last episode they hated what we did. It was too fucked up. Your confessions were just too fucked up for him. Do you have the $500? So the new segment lies in one truth. So we're all going to tell you a story about us and then we're going to leave it to you to guess which one is the truth. And if you can guess it right you win $500 for bags. That's pretty good. That's really good. Alright so Julian once we pick someone run the mic to him and let's see if anyone can get it right first. Alright so this is sponsored by Mother. So drink mother energy drinks. Cut that Connor. We only say this for the money but please don't ever Cut that Connor. Please cut that Connor. Make some noise for Connor. Stand up Connor. Stand up Connor. Right. So Michael you go first. So this could be a truth or a lie. No one knows. I remember it. What is it? When I was an Uber driver I did 10,500 trips and I got in the Queensland paper I was number one. I had the highest rating. You say this nearly every week. Anyway that's my claim to fame. And this is many stories but I used to I know I hit a family at Ducks The whole crew died instantly. All of them died. I didn't stop because I had a passenger. I wonder what started with you. I've actually killed a family of Ducks accidentally. With your bare hands. Accidentally with your bare hands. It was a hired car. So the first thing is Michael ran over a family of Ducks while Ubering. Mine is I urinated in a cinema and whilst urinating I got caught by one of the staff there. That's mine. Matt, here's yours. Top one there. What's your name? My lungs are c**ks. So Matt's is my lungs are c**ks. Could be truth. All right. Let's see hands up. Who wants to have a f**king crack at $500? Can you give him your come up here f**k it. That was his friend. All right, Josh. So out of what you heard then Michael hitting family Ducks me pissing in a cinema and getting caught Matt's lungs are c**ks. Which one is the truth? This is for $500. I have that in my hand. All right, Josh. My lungs are c**ks. That is such a... I love it. That's what I would do. He just sacrificed... He didn't even get a laugh. Josh didn't read the instructions. F**k off, Josh. F**k off. You can't read the instructions. Josh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He had a go. In fact, Josh, come here. Have a free shirt, man. Well done. There you go. All right, next. Michael, do you want to pick someone? Yeah, I do. Remember, you're picking the truth out of those three. All right. Come in here, Bree. All right, here you go. All right, Bree, so which one out of those three is the truth? Come on, Bree. So I took out a family of ducks. They were ducks. They were family of ducks. Just a little baby ducks. Yeah. But then he's... I was in a cinema. And got caught during that. In a cinema. Yeah. Simena. Killing ducks. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Have you heard, Matt? It's clearly not my lungs are s**t, Bree. All right, I got this. All right. Which is the truth? You did take out a whole duck. I actually aimed for them. No, you... It actually is a lie. Everyone. It seems like something he would do. Should we get a third person who might or may get it? A third person, all right. Julian, you pick. Take one of our best friends, Julian. All right, what's your name, buddy? What the f**k is this? Dane. All right, we got Dane here. All right, Dane, which out of those three is the truth? My 10. Yes, he's correct. $100. Thanks to Mother Energy Drinks. Make some noise for Dane, everybody. Come on. It's vomit all over my hand. Vomit all over my hand, Zoe. I think he's on drugs. All right, guys, there you go. $500. Thanks to Mother. Drink it as much as you can. Moving right along to some podcast favourites. What's that mean? What's that mean? For On This Day? Diaries? And, of course, the conclusion of Matt's black book. Oi, oi. I want to... All right, that's my vomit hand. Oh, yeah. We can't, f**k. It's a good thought, though. On This Day, as you all know, Matt comes in really early and he researches like a historic event that happened On This Day in history. And they're very interesting. Very interesting, aren't they, Matt? You put a lot of effort into these. F**k and say something. Say sorry. Anyway. Thank you. On This Day in 1990 the Wiggles brutally assaulted Captain Feather Sword during a bender. It's believed an argument broke out between little cunt Jeff that sleeps heaps and Captain Feather Sword when Captain Feather Sword was flirting with Dorothy as a dinosaur. Jeff had just swelled a few points of meth to try and stay away and started feeling jealous. Dorothy had slept with every Wiggle member except for Jeff, and Jeff felt that tonight should be his turn. Jeff confronted Captain Feather Sword and told him to f**king back off. Captain Feather Sword backed up straight away and said, she's yours. Dorothy pushed Jeff away and said I don't do purple. Jeff lost control and King hit Captain Feather Sword. The other Wiggles ran in and started stomping Captain Feather Sword. They beat him senseless and ripped all his clothes off. They fractured his skull and punched out all of his teeth, even his wisdom teeth. They gouted one of his eyes out and then pissed out pissed in the eye socket. Captain Feather Sword was never the same. He survived, but suffers from severe mental health issues. My name is Matt Brown and I would like to ask everyone to please stand with me and share a moment's silence for Captain Feather Sword. It's a moment's silence, please guys. Remember him. I can't believe that happened. It's two birds, one stone. Sorry. Shut up. Thank you guys. Everyone may be seated. Sorry about that. Alright guys, as you know, sometimes I just read a random diary when I was a little German boy with a massively long neck. My neck made up about 80% of who I am and I just found another one randomly the other day. Alright. The entry number 484,848,000. Yeah! Supportive this time. Michael forgets to talk into the bike. Sorry. Anyway, thank you. Straight up yuck. Mum and dad said bikes are a waste of money. So today I built myself a bike with my imaginary friend, Gunther. We tied some car board on top of two rocks. I put a stick at the front as my handlebars. Me and Gunther dragged my bike to the top of our big hill and got on our bike. Are you ready Gunther? I said. Gunther said, you go first Martin and I will help you if something goes wrong. I said okay Gunther and kissed him, kissed me on the cheek. I started rolling down the hill and then things got really scary. I sped up so quickly and lost control. I screamed for Gunther's help but he didn't help. Big speed near the bottom of the hill and my bike tore to pieces and sent me flying into a steel fence. My long neck was twisted and I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up I saw Gunther. He was laughing and even pissed on me. Then he ran away and I never saw my imaginary friend again. It was a pretty good day. Yes! Holy fuck. Yeah, rough time. Yeah, that is rough. It's not nice. It's not nice what happened. Oh no. Michael's Bible is full of so much wisdom. It makes me shit-blood. Get ready. Beezus! Beezus! Julian's grandfather is dead. Are you reading that, Bob? No, no, no. Sorry, Tracy. That wasn't me. Oh my god. It's not her father. Her dad died fucking ages ago. Oh, it's not her dad. Don't worry about it. It's just Julian's grandfather. Sorry, I think. I'm trying to be apologetic. You are a fucking dude. Alright. Chapter chapter. I am here and I can hear. I am there and I can stare. If I can, then I can't. If I shit, then I shant. Reading is good. Believing is bad. I have a bomb strap to my body. Don't fuck with me. Seriously, I'm unstable and I will blow everyone up right now. Just back the fuck off. Sorry. That wasn't me. Be more bee. Oh, beautiful. Sorry. I thought that was Marty. Dude, what the fuck? Alright guys, it's time. It's time for the most the conclusion to the most fucked segment in all of podcasts. It is time for Matt Brown's black fucking book and he has detailed all of his sexual experiences in this book in grotesque detail and I will now read a random excerpt out of them. Here we go. That bit too. Borders. The spine of the book is important. Here we spot him. That's fucked. Sit still Matthew. I'm scared something's gonna happen. It was time. It was sunrise and I just applied a thick layer of lipstick and put on a fresh nappy. I trimmed my foreskin for extra efficiency. I stared at myself in the mirror and did some self talking. You're the man Matt Brown. This is your time. Take it. Take what's yours. Once it was efficiently hyped up I stepped outside and eagerly sniffed the crisp morning air to try and find quest and scent. In the direction of the scent and powerfully bound backwards. I bound backwards over parked cars to try and find some. I tensed for them as I glided through the suburbs with ease. Quest and scent was getting stronger. I'd bounded through to the outskirts of town and to the edges of a forest. I was close. I stopped bounding and started stalking. I silently crawled through the long grass like a large cat. I see a house just through the tree line. This must be quest and layer. I reached the beginning of the clearing and stay in the long grass to remain hidden. This is Queston's house which was roughly 100 metres in front of me now. I see movement at the side of the house. It's Queston. He's hanging his washing out. And the fool has his headphones on. Perfect. He won't even hear me coming. I move out of the grass and start hammering towards my target exactly like a jacked up Gawanna. I was closing in. 70 metres, 50 metres, 30 metres. I load my back legs and launch myself flying as my skull slams into the middle of Queston's back. I hear the air leave Queston's lungs and watch his body crumple to the floor. I stood and watched Queston squirm on the ground in pain. My back, my back you can't. I let Queston recover and get to his feet. It's time, Queston. Let's finish this. Queston stares at me and nods. We both start advancing on each other. As soon as Queston is within reach I throw a punch straight into his gut. Queston turns fire with a punch of his own and lends it flush on my jaw. I stagger backwards as Queston charges forwards and lends a left punch right in my throat. I can't breathe and fall to the ground and Queston immediately starts stomping my legs. I sling my arm at him and crash the palm of my hand straight through his shin bone. His shin snaps in half like a breadstick and Queston screeches in agony. He falls down and I grab his snapped legs and start jerking it up and down over and over again. Queston is howling in pain but manages to sit up with his elbow in my face. He connects and smears my nose bone across my cheek. I drop Queston's broken leg to hold my broken nose and Queston stands on his good leg and sinks his teeth deep into my scalp. I feel his teeth puncture my skull before feeling the skin on my head being ripped away like a cheap sticker. I uppercut Queston and toe-punt his nutsack. I feel his testicles pop on impact as I drive up with my kick. Kick. I see Queston's eyes widen as he realises his nutsack is torn and I grab his left arm and drive my knee through his elbow joint completely snapping his other fucking arm. Queston fires a punch with his right arm and it dislocates my jaw. Again I stumble backwards as a one-armed and one-legged Queston hops at me and drives his knee into my chest. I hear my ribs break when he lands and I fall back. Queston mounts me and starts to choke me with his one arm. I place both my hands on the arm he's choking me with and slowly start to twist. I twist and twist until Queston starts to scream again. And by a fucking right arm off, he leans back in pain. I sit up and drive my thumbs deep into his eyes until my thumb split his eyeballs in half. He's defenceless, no arms, no eyes and only one functioning leg. I stand over him and watch him slowly die. Just, please. Just kill me. Queston is bleeding to death. I adjust my dislocated jaw and my nose bone back into the center of my face. I was injured. A fair few broken ribs, but nothing serious. One last have before I kill you, Queston. I slide my baby Matt into the hole where his arm used to be. I start slowly thrusting forward and savoring my victory. I salivate with pleasure and let the fleas that infested my body bite me as much as they wanted. Queston had gone quiet. I look down at him and something makes me stop having. I look deep into his destroyed bleeding eyes and feel utter despair and I enjoy it all. Something wasn't right. This should be the greatest moment of my life. But while I feel his darkness I extract my little brown and begin sobbing. Queston! What have you done to me? Why am I so sad? Queston weakly replies. This is what he wanted, Matt. I get off of Queston. No! Something isn't right. I instinctively start bounding backwards. I bound backwards the fastest I've ever gone before. I leap over rivers. I leap over mountains. And the faster I go, the clearer my mind becomes. I was missing something. I push off even harder and bound faster again. Everything becomes a blur and I bound faster again. Time itself stops, then it dawned on me. I can stop what I've done by never starting it. I must turn back time to stop my father quark shift from conceiving us with my mother choir. I begin to bound even faster and I notice time slowly starts to rewind. I start bounding back through time. One year passes. Two years. Five years. Twenty years. I bound until I reach my destination. The exact moment when Queston and I are being conceived. Suddenly I stop bounding and I'm standing in the bedroom of our old family home. Mum is laying with her legs spread on the bed and my father is standing over her with a clearly throbbing little brown. They are both drunk. Absolutely wasted drunk. Before my father jams his meat cylinder into my mother another man enters the bedroom. It's me. Past me. And I'm also completely smashed and holding a toly. To my utter horror I watch me go to my dad. Then we both start having my mother. What? How can this be? I thought me and Queston were twins. I watch on as me and my father completely destroy my mother's sleep in a drunken stuber. Then I see the most horrific thing that I've ever witnessed. My father pulls out and sprays his mints all over me and my mother. But I do not pull out. I come with my seat. Then it all dawns on me at once. This is the moment Queston is conceived. Conceived by me. Queston is not my twin brother. Queston is my son. That's why I feel such despair at his dying. This whole time I've been having my son. Not my brother. None of us could remember because we were so drunk over a 20 year period. I'm a father. I have to save my son. I start bounding backwards the other way so I'm going forwards now. Time starts going forwards and I'm bounding as tears squirt from my eyes. I can't believe Queston has been my son all along. I arrive back at the present time. Queston, I'm taking you to a hospital. I pick him up and race him into town. Hang in there, Queston. He's in and out of consciousness. They take him straight into surgery and manage to save Queston's life. He was in a critical condition. He was in a critical condition. He was in a critical condition and almost certainly was going to experience severe mental trauma but he was going to make it. While waiting in that waiting room I decided there and then that I would change my ways. I learned that there's more to life than having. Life is about loving and I truly felt sick for the pain I had caused. I decided I will no longer keep track of my haves and the love I have for my son. The love for my son has cured my heart and mind. I am no longer What the fuck? I am Matt Brown. Matt Brown transforms Matt Brown to unbelievable Matt. Remember when you and me beat Hitler in hell? His son is blind! At least he's alive though. You can mend bridges I think. Wow. So there you go. That's how you came to be who you are now. Right? You minced in your own mum. I'll mince in your mum in a sec. Mince in my birthplace! I was born there! I was born there! What do you think? A little bit of a mincing Tracy? Oh my god. Oh my god. That is very good. Anyway that is the end of the black book for this season. I'm sure there will be something fucked next year that we find in his wardrobe of shit fucking weird shit skulls and corpses and shit there. Sorry dude. Dude me and Maitland did a video where we were robbing your place while you guys were camping and the amount of shit that we found in your bedside table. I can't say. Say it Gillian. This is all confidential. There was used condoms with the knots tied and then test true babies slowly growing inside like little sea monkeys. Yeah for science. That's true. No good on ya. Artificial. Alright guys. I've still lost a cum bottle. He genuinely had cum bottle and he's genuinely lost it. Do you want to explain this man? Cause fuck me it would have been good. Michael would have sculled it tonight. I genuinely thought that you guys took it when you were robbing. Dude me and Maitland actually looked for it. I was like I said to Maitland he has a bottle of cum that he's been saving. It's gonna be there cause we packed it when we moved house and it's gotta be in there. What have you ever even invented? I reckon it's bullshitting. I believe him. I believe him. If it did exist what would you feel like when you were moving that you were so focused on it that you just left it on the table you fuck that you're from it and you Matt it was a 600ml bottle right? Yeah it was a Coke bottle. So how full was it? Show everyone how full it was on this bottle. That's bullshit. So let's hear him out. So how many loads did it take to get you there? The average human does 5ml per load. So we kept count of the loads and we're up to like 180. Okay 180 loads. I believe him because when he was moving house he said he accidentally left it out on the table. Oh I've got a photo of it. And he has a photo of it. I haven't got my phone but I do. Well I'll show it to you guys. We'll post it to our stories. I've got a photo of it. You hurt me. Dude you rubbed your fucking vomit hand on my shirt. Just be with it Julian. Look at me I'm sitting in it. That's so true. Just be one with the vomit. Now as you all know guys we have a comment competition. Sorry about that one. The comment of the week just turned into the shitest segment we've ever had. We filmed it yesterday. We have the winners of the comment competitions. It could be any of you. Anyone that's commented on this season is in the running to win $1000 right now. Should we do comment of the year first? Comment of the year? Yeah let's do comment of the year first. Well it's comment of the week cow. But yeah this is double what we gave away before. Which is $500. That's good math. Which means now it's $1000. That's good math Michael. That's heaps. Good math. Alright here we go. Alright everyone. It is time to announce the comment competition. Winners of season four. Four. Can I do a jingle for you? Nope. Okay. And we've added all 39 of the comment of the week entries to it. This wheel once pressed will randomly select the winner of the comment of the week. Making it the comment of the year. It is the cow. C-O-W-C cow. Moo. Fuck yeah you're right about not doing the jingle. Alright everyone are you ready? Here we go. Alright fuck man. Alright I'm about to spin it. Ready? Here we go. $1000 and it goes to it's spinning. It's spinning. It's still going. It goes to 9. Number 9. Read out number 9 and who it's from. There it is. It's got the numbers next to it. Okay Wade Mitchell 72. The comment is is brown feeling okay. He's looking like the maker wish kid. Oh that is the comment of the year. Outfitting. And it's about Matt's appearance. Oh that is so perfect. Holy shit. Well done Wade Mitchell. I don't know how we're going to get into contact with you but we will alright. Wade if you see this please comment and we will find you. Okay comment your email and we will find you but Wade Mitchell is the winner of comment of the year. Well done Wade. Now it's the other comment competition. It's just a shit. I can't believe you did this. See how my hat was like forward there. Yeah that was so good. Did you guys see that? Matt Michael's hat was up. Optical illusion. Alright guys it is now time for comment competition number 2. A competition you are all involved in if you've ever commented on any of the podcasts in season this is for everyone. We're in this as well. We comment on the video so if this lands on a Michael comment we are keeping that money. Alright first what we're going to do. I've got episodes 1 to 38 in the spinning wheel of destiny. I've only done up to 38 because 39's not out yet. Okay so there's no comments on 39 and 40 obviously is this one. So we're going to spin whatever number it lands on that is the episode number then we will see how many comments in that episode then I will enter that number of comments into the spinning wheel of destiny and then we will find out what number comment wins. Count it down and off we go can't here we go. Get your phone ready to see what episode number here we go episode number 20 episode number 20 we are now going to see how many comments it's being accessed right now as we speak this is Michael is right now accessing it. He's hacking into YouTube to find out how many comments episode number 20 very quick at accessing. Okay I'm at episode 20 I've just accessed it. That was so fast. Not that many. That's good. We got 1.5K comments. Oh that sucks. Alright guys Julian has actually hacked the main frame and he has come up with a much better way to pick the winner than we thought so there's this website we've added the link of episode number 20 which has been selected and all of the comments come up minus the replies so now I will click this button and it will randomly pick one of the 771 comments that you guys commented originally it was 1.5K but that was our replies so this is all of your ringworms. Minus replies. Julian hacked the main frame. Holy shit dude. We could win a thousand dollars right now. No we can't because we're out of the game. Of course we can. I commented as well on every podcast. Alright here we go. I really hope it's us. Alright everyone. Good luck everyone. Also fuck. Alright here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Dammit. Tom Sheba and the comment is the number 50. It's one of those dudes who's just gone 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Told you it would pay off man. He is the winner. Alright we're going to pick some back up cunts in case Tom is uncontactable but Tom Sheba you have won. Get into contact with us. Email james at martyandmichael.com You've won a thousand dollars dude. Congratulations. What if someone randomly just emails and says I'm Tom Sheba? Have proof. Yeah don't do that. If you're not Tom Sheba. Yeah exactly. That's how we prove this. Sorry about that. Tom and the other one well done. You've won a thousand dollars. Fucking hell. Alright. Guess what it's time for everyone. What is it? It's time for a little prank call. Look at Matt. Matt's going to do a dance first and then Michael's going to do it there. Get up stand up stand up. Fucking Christ. Control yourself. Alright now live prank calls. We've never done it before. You might not know this but on the podcast when we do prank calls sometimes it just rings for like fucking two minutes and then someone hangs up after ten seconds. So bear with us. This is a live prank call. We've never done this. Alright so we're going to call Julian's dad off a proven number. I'm going to pretend to be a policeman and Tracy's going to be like agreeing with what I'm saying. Alright here we go. I'm going to pretend to be a policeman. Alright let's hope he answers. What's his name again? Dave Vasra. Gida is this Dave Woods? Yep. Yeah mate it's Constable Ben Hodgins here. We've just got Julian down at the CBD police Prinscent. We've just got a call at the end of a live show and he has been involved I think Tracy and yeah we're just calling you to let you know and someone's going to have to come and either bail him out or come and pick him up in the morning. So what are you telling me? Because we're going to need someone to either bail him out or come and pick him up in the morning. Do you want me to just put Tracy on? Yep. Jill says go into some sort of altercation after the show. Well what are you doing still there? I thought you were coming straight home. No I'm at Mackiston Street at the watch house. So where's your car? I've driven it in they'll lay out me the parking on the side street. So where the fuck are you? So what can you bail him out? Because I didn't bring my credit card. Oh fuck it we can stay there tonight. What? Dad it's a prank call. It's a prank call. You can fucking stay there tonight. Holy shit. That was nearly a fucking domestic holy shit. Oh my god. Fuck you. That's the prank call for the night. That is what I live for. What a hot head. Well you can fucking stay there tonight. Oh my god that is fucking good. Holy shit. Alright guys. The final segment of the evening. We're going to open up a little Q&A to you guys alright. We've got like 15 minutes. So hands up. If anyone wants to ask a question just like we do the Q&A's in the podcast. Julian's going to come around and slam a mic down your teeth. Can't fucking ask away. Alright. I just want to ask Michael. Fucking loving. Machine elves. Real. Machine elves. Mechanical elves. Oh yeah. Anyone who's ever done DMT. Yeah man. A million percent. Only people who know. They're real. There's other life forms out there. Imagine we're in a frequency. You don't tell me this shit man. You tell these guys this shit. 100% if you want to do DMT you'll find. Right now in this space there's other shit going on. You can do it. Alright who else has got a question. Put your hand up. A simple one. Can I get a kiss from Michael? Come up here. Oh shit. You have to go to him. Go to him Michael. You cheated on Emma. You cheated on Emma. For the boys. Alright up here. Social justice warrior. Oh yeah that's me. Actually I was going to ask you about that. How fucking clang did you get before you came on stage to be honest? We were alright. We had a few beers. I've been sipping out of them. Usually we definitely would but we thought we'd better stay semi straight. It was me who was getting fucking cunts. You guys better have lines for me. I thought we're going to get... Do you know what the worst thing was? I was getting fucked backstage and then came out and did that little intro and then they told me my mum was here. And I was like okay act normal. Fucking normal procedure. Who else? I'm just wondering why Michael hasn't shit on stage yet. Because there's protocols that say we can't do that. It's hard to do that in front of your fiancé. That's so true. Alright who else? I did do a vom. What's the next big step for the mighty Michael Brand? We got... We built a chamber. Like a small basement. Make comedy without shit videos in there. We're going to keep children there and then just slowly... But help them. It's about helping kids. Just teaching them. Not anything sinister. Did you ever hear back from the guys that you kidnapped? Remember when you kidnapped that guy? I lost his contact details and that was it. That was the photo of him. I've seen the photo but it's so funny. Because no one would have believed it. When I told the story to people everyone was like just thought I was just talking shit and then I showed them the photo and then things turned from... All our friendships flipped. We became like these dudes trying really hard. To like are you okay? It became like a fucking something's wrong with us. You know these... I'd guilt showers. We'd just sit in the shower and go I'm sick. Dude we feel guilty after every video we filmed for the website. We sit there for five minutes on the couch. But that was rough and I still feel bad to this day but like he said we did it for money and it was his fault. He didn't pay though. Matt Brown. Yes. Throughout the whole podcast these boys have been asking if you're going to smoke meth. Are you going to do it? Meth Brown! We can get him to smoke a bit on the blue shirt. It's just a cheeky little smoke. Marty and Michael on prescribed are Pruslim so Xanax do you want to have one each? No. Probably not. I'll take one later on but not right. Nothing ever has happened good on Xanies. We've had some of their most fucked nights. I've never ever seen it. Our boys have been held captive up here. What's your name? Levi. Marty and Michael what is your best bender story? Give us a fucking good one please. I don't think we get it. The time we kidnap that dude is like always a standout but what's something I haven't told him before? Let's break that down honestly when he didn't pay up we're at the car at the boot and he's going ruffling through the money trying to pretend there was money in the back and he started going see his and starts running off. Didn't we do a website video where we did a it wasn't even like nice about it he was just pretending to go through the boot to look for money and then he's like look to see her and then just started jogging off not even running hard. We've pissed on him and he's calm as we've pissed on him. And then as he's jogging off with the arrogance I've never seen Marty turn because we had tennis rackets in the back he grabbed a racket and he was yelling at him I'm going to fucking kill you. So he's got a head start and he saw me sprinting and he started realising and then I'm screaming that I'm going to kill him and I'm catching up and then he tripped over right at the end and I stood over him and I grabbed him and I was like what do you have give me your phone he starts breaking down I'm broken oh god it was ruff no shit he's broken this is why you don't do valium and alcohol like that guy who just said zeny that's what makes you go to these points alright guys before we wrap it up can I just I just want to send a video to my stepdaughter so on three can everyone just say hey Esther just wait three two one hey alright guys James come over here James yeah this guy is getting the middle James none of this would have been so shit it's only water it's only water and as much shit as we give Matt Brown he's just a normal kind poor soul that has been thrust into this life and he's barely out of choice so everyone please standing ovation for Matthew Gregory Brown all the shit we give him thank you Matt we love you you know we all do alright guys before we do that let's finish the podcast like we do every podcast that is on our story now remember what we are we are the best we're the best we're the best we're the best we're the best