 Even if I'm a wizard, I still can't apply embarrassing tattoos to the NPC. If we run out of cannonballs, armadillos will not do it a pinch. Fine familiar scrolls are not a substitute for the hunting skill. I cannot have any gun mentioned in the Geneva convention by name. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes no-misch poetry slams. Even if this is an adventuring party, I can't show up to the adventurer drunk and wearing only a toga, lampshade, and half-elf stripper. If my superpower is super growth, that includes my skin. An in-scale tuba player is not an appropriate miniature for my gnome bard. The answer to who's got point is not the fireball. No deity will let me use my nipples as holy symbols. I cannot name my character Dred Pirate Wobberts. No initiating social challenges based only on the color of the werewolf's shoes. Every time a PC takes themselves out through its own stupidity, it does not let me sing the Oompa Loompa song. I can't have a magic item I can't request with a straight face. My superhero tank must be height and weight-proportionate. One closed call with a mimic does not give me the right to attack every door I come across. Even if they are the same cliched ass for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder. The forehead is not an appropriate place for a kill count hollow tattoo. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not a substitute for a bayonet. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a fourth-gen vampire with a pump-action loaded with buckshot in a single round. My blessed does not have the hindrance alien, Stigmata. No offering the old man and the farm kid a better rate to Alderaan. Dwarves make poor Vikings and vice versa. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a dire gummy bear. When asked what my character is doing, it had better not be the vita kinetic. I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way. Dwarves are not a proper substitute for pufferfish. The GM decides my character dies from a stroke, not me. I can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark. Just because they are all on the rock, metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers. Replacing a solo's bullet with blanks so he comes in dead last and body count isn't funny. Medicine cabinets are not the best place to stash spare squeezed tubes of explosive putty. When asked to tutor someone on his defensive trait, can't keep punching him until he gets it. When told to choose my weapon in a duel with the assassin, can't pick his weapon. Cannot recreate any scene in 2001 of space odyssey involving women's lingerie. Arguments cannot end with the statement, alright, we'll settle this like penguins. Recon means tell them what I saw, not slaughter all the monsters without them. German characters do not get four racial bonus to intimidate French characters. The DM is not impressed with me spoiling his well-planned ambush by just casting glassy on the door. Before hiding with all the werewolves ambushed a setite, make sure he didn't leave the lark four hours ago. Even if he loves me too, chitty-chitty bang-bang is not an appropriate choice for the romance background. Casual attire does not include shoulder holsters. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain one million XP with one forged check. No matter how much mousse I use, my hair will never have damage resistance. No matter how high my face skill, still can't take God as an ally. If the game store owner goes into vapor lock, the adventure is over. Any answer to a question involving the words wizard, station wagon, and wood paneling is no. Can't marry off another PC more than half a dozen times. Zero body count does not mean just the ones they can find. Games don't fall for the fake ball trick more than once. My alignment is not sarcastic good. My fighter cannot take the flaw addiction stabbing things. Cannot wish for the party to have common sense, even the wish spell has its limits. If the party goes into my room and finds a deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts, and spurs, they can start the module without me. When asked my position in the party, it's not whatever's closest to Bangkok. A crayon is typically going to cause a penalty to my forgery skill. Can't put a glass bottom on my tank just so I can see the looks on their faces. Changing sex is restricted to male or female. Quoting ministry lyrics is not SOP for the gladiast D. Walmart is not my one stop shopping place for hunting vampires. The line on my character's sheet for sex is not for keeping score. My paladin will stop referring to their detect evil power as Evildar. Even if I just rolled 832d6 for damage, still can't get a bonus to my Intimidate check. Unlike real life, I don't gain the whirlwind attack to smack all my back talking children. My WWII era of mad scientist will pick a new target for his project other than Manhattan. When offered a Drakkenzian item of my choice, can't pick nunchucks. No matter what the dice say, can't decapitate an aberrant with a straight razor. ATST soccer games are strictly against Imperial Army protocols. Cannot name Boba Fett as a godparent to any of my children. While I'm fixing the X-Wing, the brash pilot is still miffed about the Y-Wing loner. House Carita of mech warriors do not appreciate posters of Godzilla taped over their optical sensors. Teleport without pants is not a real spell. It is not necessary to install a portacus in every single room in my castle. When deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifact we discovered, eBay is not an option. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the identical twin advantage 22 times. My character's primary purpose in the party is not just to leech 1-6th of all the XP. Elves do not have the racial trait no gag reflex. Extract the bad guy to not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing. I do not have time into black ops for breakdancing, Greco-Roman wrestling or phone sex. My axe does not go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it. Even if he's a total blast, can't channel Baron Samedi at a coming out ball. Can't make a cold shot with a flamethrower. After finishing the cliched new boss's villain adventure, can't file for unemployment. My mummy can't take out multiple life insurance policies on himself and name himself the Prime Beneficiary. The game of chicken does not involve the Polymorph spell. My vampire hunter does not take the Un out of Undead. I cannot backstab anybody with a Burek Skylark. Even if the rules allow it, my paladin cannot have the flaw, hatred, all living things. The combat feats I can use with a batter and ram are extremely restricted. The Burek and Kynan's dysfunctional family is not a real spell. No matter what the kids say, animated balloon animals are the poor use of the Karei Golem feat. The Dr. Jones School of Swordfighting is not an appropriate swordsman school. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnomes' contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble. Bind the elf babe a trampoline and tell her to boost her dexterity isn't fooling anybody. Any plan involving strapping puppies to my armor is vetoed. No accidentally cross-wiring the X-Wing's fire control and ejection seat switches. During the black-off, no accessing the target's HR files and getting babes' phone numbers. FedEx does not deliver to the keep on the Borderlands.