 And now, our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arthur. Now with the Christmas holidays so close at hand, our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, is faced with a few problems common to many of us. First, she still has all her Christmas shopping to do, and second, she has very little time to do it in. And third, she has no money to do it with. At least I have very little money. $20 to be exact. And considering the people I usually give presents to, I knew that wouldn't go very far. After thinking it over for a while, however, I arrived at the only possible solution to my dilemma, which I conveyed to my landlady at breakfast last Wednesday morning. Then you're going to spend the entire $20 on a gift for Mr. Boynton County. Yes, it's the only thing I can do, Mrs. Davis. I think I should be able to get him a nice gift for $20. It's better than giving a number of my friends a lot of trash, don't you agree? I, uh, I... Oh, so dear. I know I certainly didn't expect anything from you. Well, I'm glad. After all, what difference does it make that I cook your meals all year round, that I make up your room every day, that I never badger you for the rent when you get six weeks behind, or that I'm constantly helping you with your problems as if you were my own daughter? I do it out of the goodness of my heart. And I certainly don't expect anything in return. If I crawled under the rug, I wouldn't even make a bump. But, Mrs. Davis, we agreed we wouldn't exchange presents this year. Of course we did, Connie. So you stick to our agreement. After all, what difference does it make if I happen to forget and ordered you a beautiful gift? You ordered me a gift? Oh, dear, it slipped out. I'll flip it back in. Perhaps it wasn't as much of a sacrifice for you as... What difference does it make that I far exceeded my budget to get it for you? So I'll just eat a little less for the next six months. Just because the spirit of the season has swept me away, doesn't mean it has to sweep you, too. Sweep me? It might easily clean me out. Well, I suppose I actually should give you a gift, too, since we're so close. Now, dear, you'll do no such thing. Don't give it another thought. Well, all right. I'm going along perfectly well, squeezing oranges by hand for another year. Just because I can hardly straighten out my poor fingers when I'm through with no concern of yours. Then you want a finger, straightener. An orange juice, squeezer. Why, Connie, how did you know? This is just a wild guess. I mean, but the $10 they wanted share, he's as much more than I'll let you spend. Well, then I won't. So if you'll just give me $7 cash, I'll get the squeezer at McGinty's sales company. I happen to have an exclusive introductory credit card there. It's the only thing that lets you in, and it entitles you to a third off on everything. As I say, I should be able to get Mr. Boynton a nice gift for $13. I'll give you the money as soon as I get my bag. Thanks, dear. Now I'll tell you what I got for you. It's something I felt was very personal. Something personal? What is it? A chess set. A chess set? Yes. I know how Mr. Boynton loves the game, and it'll give you two something to do together on those long winter evenings. That is, if you know how the game goes. Certainly, right out the window. It was very thoughtful of you, Mrs. Davis. Oh, there's Walter to drive me to school. Be right out, Walter. I'd better be going, Mrs. Davis. All right, dear. Well, I intend to do the rest of my shopping this morning, so I'll drop off your present at school. Maybe only Mr. Boynton can use it in the cafeteria at lunch. We might as well. Those chessmen ought to taste a lot more tender than the rest of the food. Walter, is it my imagination, or are you driving more carefully today? I was hoping you'd notice, dear teacher. I'm driving particularly carefully today. You see, as part of her Christmas present, my mother gave me new bumpers for this car. What happened? Did Estrin finally wear out your old one? Well, that was a thoughtful gift, but isn't it a little early to be receiving Christmas presents? Oh, no, ma'am, no, indeed. Now, I must have received three-quarters of my gifts already, particularly for my close friends at school. Oh, yeah, they've already given me their gifts. Three-quarters of them. Maybe even seven-eighths. Matter of fact, I can only think of one or two who haven't. In fact, I think I'll get out and walk. Oh, nothing like the spirit of giving at Christmas, is there? You know, of course, a kid like me who operates on a limited budget can only exchange gifts with his nearest relatives and his closest and most intimate friends. Isn't that so, Miss Brooks? It certainly is, stranger. In essence, I agree with you, Walter. But the truth of the matter is, I only have $13 for my Christmas shopping. That leaves me with just enough money for a gift for Mr. Boynton. Now, do you understand? Well, I guess I do. Well, I certainly didn't expect anything from you, Miss Brooks. I'm glad. After all, what difference does it make that I pick you up and drive you to school every day all year long? Or did I spend half of my time at school running errands for you? You do whatever you want to, Miss Brooks. But no one else is going to receive the beautiful presents that I selected for you. You bought me a present already? Now, please forget about it, will you? All right, then. After all, I'm getting enough gifts without that $7 briefcase of cherries that I've wanted more than anything else in the world. Walter, I'd like to buy the briefcase for you, but $7 is rather high. Oh, much too high, Miss Brooks. I wouldn't let you spend that much money for anything. Good. So if you give me $5 in cash, I'll get the same thing at McGuinty's. As I say, $8 ought to buy a fine gift for Mr. Boynton. I have an exclusive introductory credit card at McGuinty's. Everything at a third off. It's the only card that'll let you in. At the moment, that isn't what worries me. No? What does then, Miss Brooks? Does McGuinty print a card that will let me out? Walter, there's no reason to sneak past Mr. Conklin's office even if we are five minutes late. But, Miss Brooks, you know how Mr. Conklin feels about such things. What would you say if he suddenly did step out of his office now? Good morning, Miss Brooks. I wonder your question. I realize we're a little late, sir, but if you'll only... Tut, tut, tut, my dear, don't give it a second thought. I'm delighted to give my students and faculty a little latitude this time of year. It's the Christmas season, and I'm filled with the spirit of peace on earth and goodwill to all men. Well, it's nice of you to extend it to females and young boys. Now, is all, Miss Brooks? Now, will you come into my office, please? I have something to ask you. But, sir, I'm five minutes late now. It's later into my office. Yes, sir. See you later, Walter. Yeah, bye, Miss Brooks. Now, sit down, my dear. Sit right down, and I'll get directly to the point. I want some advice from you, Miss Brooks. Some advice? Yes, about a gift. I'm doing my Christmas shopping this afternoon. I want you to be sure to tell me what you want before I leave. But, sir, I didn't think you approved of faculty members exchanging gifts. Oh, I don't, Miss Brooks. It's just that I happen to be imbued with the spirit of giving the spirit of Christmas. And if I choose to remember my teachers, I certainly don't expect any loot, a gift in return. Of course, if my teachers insist on showing their appreciation for the many little favors I've done for them in the past, I'm powerless to stop them. I'm hooked. Uh, I was wondering what I could get you for Christmas, sir. Could you give me a suggestion? Something you particularly needed or wanted for about 50 cents. My dear, I want you to forget we've even mentioned the word gifts this morning. Dismiss it from your mind. Besides, I smoke too much anyway. Smoke? Yes, and $10 is too much for anyone to pay for the alligator tobacco pouch I've always wanted. Well, sir, I'd certainly like to get it for you, but that is rather expensive. $10 is far, far too expensive. I wouldn't dream of letting you spend that much money. Well, I'm glad, because I... So, if you have the money with you, I know just where I can get it for seven. Murdered again by McGinty's. Here we are, Miss Brooks, my dessert and coffee, and I brought you a piece of pineapple pie a la mode. Why, Mr. Boynton, what a thoughtful Christmas present. Christmas present? Well, it's exactly what I've always wanted. I shouldn't have gone to all that extra expense. What extra expense? The pineapple pie would have been enough. You should have kept the a la mode for my birthday. Pineapple pie a la mode. As I always say, Mr. Boynton, let the other women get their mink coats and pearl necklaces. Just give me a gift that touches you right in the heart. Oh, I got it now. You're joking. I was afraid you'd see it that way. But, Mr. Boynton, this actually would be enough. After all, it's the spirit of giving that counts, rather than the gift itself. Not entirely, Miss Brooks. True, the spirit must be there, but the gift is important, too. I've ordered you a beautiful gift. I know how you are about giving gifts of equal value, and I wouldn't want to disappoint you. You picked a fine time to start. That is, it's very thoughtful of you, Mr. Boynton. Very thoughtful. Particularly since I joined the Christmas Club a year ago and put away a dollar a week just for your gift. 52 dollars for my present? 52.75, they pay interest. But just because we've given each other gifts of equal value in the past, I don't want that to influence you this Christmas. 52 dollars? Uh-huh. And that, combined with the 30 dollars I borrowed from Mrs. Davis, ought to buy you a very nice gift. Miss Brooks, I've just been thinking. I hope you've been thinking what I think you've been thinking. Yes, Mr. Boynton. After all, it really is the spirit of giving that counts, rather than the gift itself. You've convinced me. Here, this package is for you and Merry Christmas. For me? You got this for me? Must I wait for Christmas or may I open it now? What's inside, Miss Brooks? Yes, yes, no, yes, chess. Our chess set. What a wonderful present. Well, I was going to get you a few more gifts, but since you convinced me... Hi, Miss Brooks. Hi, Mr. Boynton. Hello, Harriet. Mr. Boynton, Daddy wants to see you in his office right away. Something about signing a requisition for some test tubes you wanted. Thank you, Harriet. And Miss Brooks, your landlady called, and she wants you to call back when you can. Now, let's see. Is there someone I've forgotten? Better look under the table to make sure. Did Mrs. Davis say what she wanted me to call her about? No, but she said she'd keep a receiver off the hook so her line would be open when you call. There's something wrong with that, but offhand, I don't know just what. Well, I'd better get up to Mr. Conflict's office and get that requisition signed. Thanks again for the gift, Miss Brooks. It really was quite unexpected. Yes, for both of us. I mean, both of us may use it. Of course. Well, see you later, Miss Brooks. I'll walk to the phone with you, Miss Brooks. All right, Harriet. Well, how has Santa been treating you so far, dear? Oh, not too badly. Walter gave me a slave bracelet, but I don't think I'll wear it. Why not? You should see what he had engraved on it. I wonder, please return this girl to Walter Denton. I think that's cute, Harriet. If a certain party gave me one of those bracelets, I think I might enjoy getting lost. Now, excuse me, dear, while I make this call. Okay. Bye, Miss Brooks. Hello? Hello, Mrs. Davis. Connie. Oh, Connie. Well, how did you like the gift I gave you? Oh, it's lovely, Mrs. Davis. Simply lovely. I knew you'd be enthusiastic about that black silk negligee. Well, certainly. It's something Mr. Boynton and I can... black silk negligee. Oh, no. It was a yes, sir, Connie, just to throw you off the trap. And you did, right into the path of a screaming locomotive. Was the negligee the wrong size, dear? Well, I'm not sure, but I think Mr. Boynton takes the 38. Sounded almost as though you said Mr. Boynton. I've got to hang up now, Mrs. Davis. I just gave somebody a gift, and I've got to get it back before he opens it. Why? Do you think he won't like it, Connie? Oh, not exactly, Mrs. Davis. It's something that all men like, but on somebody else. Come in. Oh, come in, Boynton. Come in. Sit right down, my boy. Thank you, Mr. Boynton. I came in to sign that requisition for those test tubes. I know it'd need both our signatures. Ah, yes, yes. Here, use this fountain, then, Boynton. A Christmas gift from Miss Enright, a fabulously generous person, and not that I expect gift from my faculty, mind you. By last year, there were three teachers who gave me nothing for Christmas, and one of them is still with us. Uh, yes, sir. Merry Christmas, Boynton. And a merry... Merry Christmas to you, sir. Is that all, Boynton? No, sir, and a happy New Year. I had a feeling you'd say that. Mr. Boynton, if you'll pardon my curiosity, just what is that gaily-wrapped parcel you're carrying under your arm? Oh, it's nothing, sir. Just a little present. Oh, thank you so much. But, sir... So you were teasing your old principal, eh, Boynton? No, sir, it's only... Never mind what it is, Boynton. It's not what a gift is that counts, but the spirit in which it is given. What is it, Boynton? It's a chess set, sir. Blend it, just what I need. I know just where I can exchange it forever. It's exactly what I want. Now, go right ahead, Boynton, sign that requisition, and we'll put it in the works at once. All right, and thank you, sir. Don't forget it, Boynton. Just consider those test tubes as my Christmas present to you. Oh, Mr. Boynton, I'm glad I finally found you. I missed you right after lunch. Goodness, Miss Brooks, you're breathless. Please, this is no time for fluttery. Oh, you mean I'm winded. Oh, well, I've been looking for you after every period since noon. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to return that gift I gave you. There's been a slight mistake, and I have to exchange it. The gift you gave me? Well, you can't exchange it, Miss Brooks. I used it during my free period. Wasn't it a little skimpy around the hips? I mean, you opened it already? Well, I haven't exactly opened it, but, well, I like chess. It's my favorite game. Believe me, Mr. Boynton, in this thing, you couldn't make a move. Look, I really must have it back. You see, I gave you the wrong present by mistake. Oh, then I may as well tell you the truth. I gave it to Mr. Conklin as a Christmas present. I hadn't intended to, but before I knew it, he seemed to take possession of it. You gave him the gift I gave you? Mr. Boynton, I'm shocked. How could you bring yourself to give away a gift someone else had given you? If you knew the time and thought and effort I put in to select a gift that would suit your personality, I'm saying. Really, Miss Brooks, it all happened so quickly. I had no alternative, but... Please, Mr. Boynton, no excuses. I still think you were quite negligent. Well, I've got to get it back at once, so here goes. Well, good luck, Miss Brooks. Come in. Why, Miss Brooks, come in, my dear. Well, have you decided what little gift you would like from your principal this year? Well, frankly, I'm undecided, sir, between a little diamond wristwatch and a little alligator handbag. How about a little psychoanalysis? Remember, this is Arsgood Conklin you're talking to, Miss Brooks, not Daddy Warburg. Well, fortunately, Mr. Conklin, I managed to obtain one of those exclusive personal discount cards from the McGinty sales company. A little boy was handing them out in the street. And if you gave me the cash, I think I could get a certain watch for well under $50. $50? Miss Brooks, I am just as susceptible to the infectious generosity of the season as the next man, but I do not intend to allow that infection to kill off my entire life saving. Well, Mr. Conklin, next to the watch and the handbag, the only thing I want is a chess set. A chess set. Here, Miss Brooks, exactly what I got for you. Take it, it's yours. Merry Christmas. My, what a delightful surprise. I'm glad you like it, Miss Brooks. You just can't imagine the time and the thought I put into the selection of your gift. Truly, my dear, it was quite a struggle to get it. Well, I'm glad he didn't give it up without a fight. And now you certainly have a lovely collection of presents in here, Mr. Conklin. There's still one teacher I haven't heard from yet. Mr. Perkins in the math department. Come in and bring it with you. Mr. Stone. Hello, Conklin. Miss Brooks, seasons greetings to you both. And the same to you, sir. Ah, here, Conklin, I brought over this gift for you. Oh, thank you, Mr. Stone. Oh, forget I'm the head of the board today, Conklin. Get into that old Christmas spirit, enjoy yourself, relax, smile. Have you given out all of your gifts yet? Are they good? Oh, yes, Miss Brooks just finished wrapping yours, Mr. Stone, here. Oh, but, sir, that package... Yes, Miss Brooks, you were saying... Do you get many years of use out of your gift, Mrs. Stone? And for longer life, rinse it out every night and hang it up in the bathroom. Oh? Is it a shirt, Conklin? Oh, no, sir. Handkerchief? No. Socks? No, but I'll give you a hint. Two people can use it at the same time. If they're midgets. You can use it at the same time, eh? Or is it something that can be used outdoors on an athletic field? Possibly, but it might be a little chilly for night games. Miss Brooks, Mr. Stone, why don't you open it and see for yourself? Oh, you don't have to ask me twice, Conklin. I'm just as curious as a little child at Christmas. Hey. Oh. Hi, Conklin. I don't understand. Well, what could be nicer than a black silk negligee? It's the perfect gift for you, sir. And I know you'll get many years of pleasure and use it. What could be nicer than a black silk negligee? Oh, Mr. Stone. Mr. Stone, believe me, Conklin. I have heard of asinine practical jokes before. But pulling a trick like this on Christmas is an absolute insult. Mr. Stone, I can explain. It was a simple natural error. You see, when I got this from Mr. Boynton... Mr. Brooks, why did Mr. Boynton give me a black silk negligee? I can't understand either, sir. Pale blue is much more your color. I can't understand at all. Conklin, I'm still waiting for an explanation. I mean, Mr. Davis wanted to see Miss Brooks on an urgent matter, sir. That's right, Osgood. Oh, hello, Mr. Stone. Hello, Mrs. Davis. Oh, Conny, there's the negligee I gave you. I see you've opened it. What? Miss Brooks, you mean you gave me a gift that someone else had given you for Christmas? Well, you see... Boynton, do you mean you gave me a gift that someone else had given you? Conklin, you mean you gave me a gift that Nightgown has more mileage on it than the 1928 Ford. I don't quite understand what's going on around here, but if your idea of a joke is to hand me a cheap Nightgown, that is not a cheap Nightgown. It costs $22.50. $22.50? Hmm... See, it is rather pretty. It's fine. Conklin, perhaps I've been a little hasty. I think Mrs. Stone will be delighted with your thoughtful gift. Well, I'm afraid I did give you the wrong gift, Mr. Stone. I had really intended that for Mrs. Conklin. But, Mr. Conklin, I was going to give it to my mother. If you were, she'll have to come down and take it off my back. That gift was originally given to me by Mrs. Davis. That's true, Conny, but I'm afraid I'll have to take it back, dear. Take it back? But why, Mrs. Davis? My sister, Angela, gave it to me as a gift, and she's coming over tonight to see it on me. So if you don't mind, I'll take it home. Well, see you all again soon. Well, there goes Mother's Negligé. Who's Negligé, Boyden? I might ask you the same question, Conklin. Really, Mr. Stone, I... Gentlemen, please, we shouldn't argue. Let's try to remember it always as our Negligé. It has been a presentation of the Armed Forces Radio Service.