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There are the prevention of cruelty to poor, unfortunate lover. Poor, unfortunate lover. Poor, unfortunate lover. You go to jail for the maximum penalty. They got protection laws for the dumb animal, but nobody cares about me. When I get beat, though I repeat, protection of cruelty to poor, unfortunate lover. Beat up the chimpanzee. They got the iron cage and the keeper to poop. The monkey is better than me. They grin at me. Say he agrees. They're poor, unfortunate lover. While it cleans your teeth, no other toothpaste does a better job of cleaning teeth than Colgate Dental Cream. For Colgate Dental Cream has a safe polishing agent that cleans your teeth both gently and thoroughly, brings out their natural sparkle and beauty. You can actually see and feel the difference. And scientific tests prove that Colgate Dental Cream cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. 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Well, as you needn't be told, there are numerous ways for people to get into trouble. Some folks go out looking for it, others can see it coming but can't avoid it, and still others fall into it unconsciously. It's to this third or unconscious group that our young hero Dennis Day belongs, which is only reasonable considering the head start he has. Now, take what happened to him yesterday morning, for instance. He was walking down Oak Street quite unconcernedly, minding his own business when suddenly. Good morning, young man. Good morning. I'm the inquiring reporter of the Weaverville Bugle, and I'd like to ask you a question for my column. Do you mind? Well, no, not if I can. Good. What's your name and address? Dennis Day, 324 Elm Street. Gee, I thought it was gonna be tougher than that. That isn't the question, my boy. What I want to know is your opinion of women. Women? Yes. Do you think the women of today are prepared for motherhood? Gee, I hope so. If they're not, I don't know who to tell to get ready. You don't understand, sir. I'm looking for a good controversial statement on the subject of women. Now, do you happen to be in love with more than one woman? Me? Of course not. That's what I want. I have no love for the overwhelming majority of women, says Mr. Dennis Day of 324 Elm Street. Hey, wait. What's a little housework cooking, washing, and baby-minding continues, Mr. Day? It's the man who do the real work in this world. Women should get out on their knees to them. What do all I... What a statement. Mr. Day, you took the words right out of my mouth. Well, maybe we still have time to put them back in. We're not gonna print this, are you? Well, I'm only quoting what you said, Mr. Day. Tell me, do you think women have good reasons for always whining and complaining? But they don't. Women have no good reasons for always whining and complaining. Now, look, Mr. You... Do you know why women should be treated as your equals, Mr. Day? No, why? Dennis Day doesn't know why women should be treated as their equals. Please, you can't do this to me. Why not? You believe the man should be the head of the family, don't you? Well, yes, but I... You think if a man asks his wife a civil question, she should answer him, don't you? Well, sure. And a boy, women should speak when they're spoken to, says Mr. Day. Now, you're talking. I must be doing it in code. Mr. Day, I congratulate you. There isn't one man in a thousand who'd come out to say the things you have. Including me. Everything I say, you twist around. I demand that you print my exact words. Oh, all right, if that's the way you feel. I'll use a direct quotation from you for my lead line. Do you wear perfume, Mr. Day? Perfume? Of course not. Why not? Well, it makes a person smell. Well, women wear it, don't they? Well, sure, but... Wonderful! Goodbye, and thank you for a great lead line. What lead line? Dennis Day says women smell. What happened? Back our hero slunk to the Anderson boarding house, where he knew it was the better part of Valor to say nothing of his interview, especially to his landlady, Mrs. Anderson, and his girlfriend, Mildred. But he also knew what would happen when the paper came out the following morning, and sure enough, just after he had risen... Oh my golly, here it comes. Oh, it's you, Mr. Anderson. Dennis, you doll face, you dream boat, you joy boy. This article of yours in the paper. This emancipation proclamation for husband. Women should not be treated as equals. They should get down their knees to the men. Where'd you ever get such magnificent ideas? Gee, I don't know, but every time that reporter opened his mouth, I seem to have another one. You're a hero, my boy. Why, there isn't a husband in this whole town who doesn't feel like a different man toward his life this morning. Gee, even you? Five phone calls from friends this morning, and they all feel like I do. My boy, this could develop into a crusade. You mean we men are gonna demand equal rights with women? Dennis, please, I said we were crusaders, not radicals. Oh, thank pardon. There's a feeling inside me this morning that I never had before, and I wouldn't be surprised, but what, it's courage. Courage? Certainly seems to be from the descriptions I've read of it. Oh, gosh, Mr. Anderson, how are the women gonna take this? Oh, jiggers, here comes your wife. Good morning, Mrs. Anderson. Thank you. Good morning, me, Dennis Day. Are you responsible for this article in the newspaper? You're darn right he's responsible. You wanna make something out of it? I ain't addressing me. I ain't addressing John L. Lewis, kiddo. I knew women learned a little respect for us men, you understand? Now, drag those big feet of yours to the stove and get me some breakfast. See what my friend wants here, too. It's for Dennis Day over my dead body. Look out, kiddo, that can be... What would you like, Dennis? Hey, Mrs. Anderson, ma'am, I... Dennis, stop fumbling around. Climb on the bandwagon. Enjoy. Okay, I'd like a couple of three-minute eggs. Very well. And make it fast, understand? I want you back here with them in two minutes. Oh, my gosh, it's the millennium. Didn't I tell you? It's that interview. All over town men are acting just like me. Son, we owe you a debt of gratitude we can never repay. Gee, imagine. Why, I had no idea. I never... So there you are, Dennis Day. Oh, hello, Mildred. Don't... Did you hear what she called you? Yeah, even I've been promoted. You and your interview. Hoppin' at her, Dennis. Remember, this is the revolution. Yeah, watch your tone, Mildred Anderson. Just remember your sex. Your party is no longer in power. What? Turn in your belt, kiddo. You're not wearing the pants anymore. I had this note for you. Keep women at a distance. That's our motto. Gee, I don't know. Do you think we'll enjoy them just as fully that way? More. Well, now, who's the note from? Aren't you going to open it? Huh? Oh, oh, yeah, of course. Gee, it's from some man I don't even know. Dear Mr. Day, read what you said about women in this morning's paper. If you are still alive when this letter reaches you, I have a job open for you. But if you are not available, at least send me your autograph. Sincerely yours, H.R. Norwood, owner of the Bantan shoe store. Wow, isn't that great, Mr. Anderson? I'll go see him right away. Didn't I tell you, my boy? You're a hero. You've finally become a name in this town. Oh, I always was, but at last I'm becoming one you can say in polite company. Pardon me, Mr. H.R. Norwood. Yes? I'm Dennis Day. You wrote me a letter. Oh, oh, I did. I did. Sit down, Mr. Day. Sit down. My goodness, let me look at you. Boy who said all those glorious things about the opposite of your pardoned expression sacked. Yes, sir. I guess I am. Oh, my goodness. I've never met a man with your courage in my life. I just never did this all. No. When I read your article, my hair just stood on a fuel pardoned expression end. What courage I said to myself? What courage? What courage? Your heart of hearing? Just a few things was a while. Well, I suppose you're wondering about the job I mentioned. Oh, yes, sir, I am. Well, you see, I sell shoes here. Women's shoes. You know why? No, why? I hate women. Then why do you sell women's shoes? Can you think of a better revenge on them? No, sir, but where do I come in? Oh, I can see you've never waited on a woman in the shoe store, my boy. Box after box you pull down from the shelf and still they're not satisfied. This was the wrong color. That one's the wrong style. These don't fit. Up the ladder down the fact. By noon I am such a nervous track that you can hear me puff and if you'll pardon the expression, pant all over the place. Just sound kind of wearing. Oh, yes, but it won't be for you. Oh, no, no, no. You'll make them buy the shoes they ought to have and right away. Me? Well, certainly. You're not afraid of women. You will, if you'll pardon the expression, gird up your if you'll pardon the expression, loins and fights. But, nor would I. Now, the pay on this job I might add is excellent. Hey, how much is it? Well, it used to be $22 a week. But I'll take her $22 a week. Boy, that's the best offer I ever had. In that case, the dickering is over. It's either deal, my boy. Gee, how can I turn it down? Good lad, good lad. Now all you have to do, good gravy, here comes the customer now. Go to work, my boy. Crash already? Don't you worry, this is one of the sweetest customers we have. Good morning, Mrs. Harris. Good morning. Welcome, dear lady. If my clerk will take excellent care of you, I am sure. Very well. I'd like a pair of black puffs, young man. Sit down. You heard me squat as you take, Fatso, and these will be just your size. Here, eight feet. I know, and it's about time you started. Get the shoes now. Give me the money. Come on, give me the money. Yes, of course, here. Look, I knew you weren't scared of any woman who ever you did. Oh, my goodness, gracious me. The boys fainted. We'll continue this day in the life of Dennis Day in just a moment. Meanwhile, here's Dennis to sing, You Were Meant For Me. A reporter to the effect that women have a sense in that the men do all the work. To the men, of course, he's a hero, but to the women, well, let's listen to a meeting of the distant side now taking place at the Anderson boarding house. Dennis, actually talk to you that way, Mr. Harris. Why can't hardly believe? Since that interview of his appeared, all the men are talking that way. I'll say they are. Do you know what your father said to me this morning, Mildred? What? He told me to shut my big mouth before he kicked it shut. He's spoken to me like that since I fell off a horse in 1922 and had both arms in a cast. It's got to be done. Why don't we show the men how easy our job is? Let them do what we've been doing for a while and we'll leave the lives they've been leaving. Golly, Mrs. Harris, that sounds wonderful. Not to me it doesn't. I'd have to go back to doing the housework around here. But not the cooking mother. Oh, I think it's a marvelous idea. We'll call every woman in town and get them started right away. Yes. Let's see how the men like doing women's work for a change. And it'll certainly be fun for us doing what the men do. Yes, I've got a slight head start. A head start? You've been enjoying my husband's cigar. Right, I guess. Gee, Mr. Anderson, wasn't it kind of peculiar your wife leaving a note saying she and Mildred wouldn't be home for supper? And if we wanted any, we should cook it ourselves. Well, it is a little peculiar. But we'll show them that we can cook just as good a dinner as they can. Did you taste that soup yet, Dennis? Yeah, the soup over here in this pot is cooler, but it tastes better, I think. That's the dishwater from lunch. Are the baked potatoes nearly ready? Mashed potatoes. I thought you said we were going to have baked potatoes. We were, but they fell on the floor and I stepped on them by my face. Say, do you suppose those steaks of mine are done by now? Well, how long have you had them on? Well, let's see. It's 8.15. Oh, about an hour. Give them a little longer. We don't want them raw. No, I guess not. Did you take a look at those muffins? No, I guess I better. Yeah, we've got to watch them. I don't like them dark brown. How do you feel about jet black? Had poops, he didn't see those. Take them out, Dennis. Okay. Dear, dear. Well, don't you worry, we'll show those women that us men can take over. You bet we will. Sure. Why not? Men can do anything that women can do. They're on right they can. Oh, say, isn't that someone coming up to walk Mr. Anderson? Yeah, so it is. It's Mr. Harris. Why, good heavens, he's carrying a baby. Gee, you don't suppose he. Oh, of course not. I'll let him in. Hello, Mr. Harris. She's foolish. Look what I had. What? Take care of my wife and daughter. It went out and left him with me. Got kind of lonely. He's only four months old and doesn't say much. I came over here for some company. Well, good. You're just in time for dinner. I'll have it on the table in a jiff. Gee, you're lucky the little fella sleeping so nice and peacefully, Mr. Harris. Most babies, don't you know? Yeah, I know. But I gave this one a little shot of whiskey before. We're fine. See, there's male brains. I'll guarantee a woman never would have thought of that. No, but I wish I knew what to do when it's time to change him. They didn't leave me any instructions on that. Oh, I can show you that, Mr. Harris. I don't go to the movies twice a week for nothing, you know. Hand me a napkin. Here you are. Let's see this. Well, first you take this end and crisscross it to the other side and pin it like this. Then you crisscross the other side over to this one and pin it. Now you take the underflap and pull it over here and pin it like this. No, what? Well, if I could think of a way to get my hand out, it'd be perfect. Better just let him sleep, Mr. Harris. And then there's all set. Sit down, boys. OK. Dig in, everybody. You first, Mr. Harris. You're the oldest. What's there got to do with it? You've lived your life already. Fine, but to tell the truth, I'm not very hungry. You know something? I kind of wish I had my wife back. Yeah, this isn't very much. Hey, isn't that somebody outside? Our wives. They've finally come home to apologize. Oh, so that's what she said. Really? I thought you said itching. Well, guess where have you three been until this hour? A pool room and shot a little snooker. Snooker? Yes, and then we stopped in at the fight for a few minutes. And we wound up with a burlase show. Whoa! Me and you together? We kind of missed you, ladies. Oh, you'll get used to it in a few months. No, Poopsie. Don't say that. You did this to us, didn't you, say? Me? Yes, with that pool interview of yours. Please, ladies, reconsider. Take us back the way we were. Give us men our happy slavehood again. Well... Please, Mrs. Anderson. I was wrong to talk about women the way I did. There's room in this world for two sexes. In fact, in many ways, it's a very nice arrangement. Well, do you really think you've learned your lesson, Herbert? Oh, I have. I do, because I do. Take me back, please. Very well. If you're truly sorry, we'll forget this ever happened. Oh, thank you, Mrs. Anderson. Oh, Poopsie, you darling. Come here and let me clasp you to my manly stomach once again. Dennis Day will be back in just one minute to sing song and song. But first... Dream girl, beautiful luster green There that gleams and glistens From a luster cream shampoo Yes, for soft, glamorous green girl hair, try luster cream shampoo. Now, in convenient tubes or jars, whichever you prefer. Luster cream shampoo leads hair with new three-way loveliness. Fragmently clean, glistening with sheen, soft, easy to manage. Not a soap, not a liquid, but an utterly new, rich, slathering cream shampoo, a blend of secret ingredients plus lanolin. Four ounce jar, $1. Smaller sizes, tubes or jars, 49 and 25 cents. Be a dream girl, a lovely luster cream girl. Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to the luster cream shampoo. Here now is Dennis with the music of Charles Vant and the orchestra, singing Song of Songs. Recall that night in June when first we met. You forgot. Pull by Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous green girl hair. This is Vern Smith speaking. Good night, everyone. The National Broadcasting Company.