 Hey, she'll cancel my two o'clock golf meeting. I'm gonna do this conference call instead. I'm pitching a new movie Thanks for joining me. I'm Jonathan cross and I've got a doozy for you today Perhaps you've heard about the hit sensation going around everywhere these days called Pokemon Go. It's time for a movie I have the director. I have the cast and I'm ready to pitch it to you The director is a no-brainer three words Michael fucking Bay He is at the helm. He's leading the charge think explosions think saturated colors think cameras spinning around Pokemon looking up at American jets as they're flying overhead American flags bald eagles the whole works half of it's gonna be filmed in China for the tax breaks and just to oversee appeal We're gonna have one Chinese person in the film to make them feel right at home as well Now I want to get to the cast right out of the bank Ash Ketchum. This role has to be absolutely crushed And I think there's nobody better than do it nobody that's shony has stained power and presence like Andrew Garfield Fiery redhead misty. I think she's red-haired. I don't I don't really give a shit. It doesn't matter We can change your hair color. We can make her black It doesn't matter, but we're not going to because we want to sell tickets So who are we gonna bring in? We're bringing in the big guns J-Law her no-nonsense Crasstalking attitude of I don't need a man to help me out is perfect for the role J-Law will kill this film Brock is one of my favorites from the show and I love the guy I got for him Dwayne the rock Johnson playing the ladies man Brock or or so he thinks he's gonna be more badass than Brock was We're gonna make this Brock a little bit more grown-up. He's gonna have some great one-liners He's gonna lift the eyebrow a lot and he's just gonna have some fun with the cast him and misty will eventually Have sex in later films. Oh Jesse and James aka team rocketer in the picture. They're gonna be the bad guys giving Ash a hard time Why don't they just let the kid be all he wants to do is catch them all Train a bunch of random animals and captivity fight to the death bloodsport sort of situation I don't really see the problem with the whole thing, but I have the solution Daniel Radcliffe Emma Watson Jesse and James come on the Harry Potter kids me out. He's gonna be fully CGI'd Mew he is gonna be in the film as an Easter egg You'll be floating in the background somewhere teasing for an upcoming movie where we eventually do the mew-two thing and that hold nonsense This one's just really gonna be about Ash wanting to be the very best. I know whatever was we're gonna have the theme song Redone by fallout boy. It's gonna suck. I don't care We're just having them on here because we want to have that cross synergy promotion They sell some albums. We make some money off of their popularity Bada bing bada bang bada boom money cash penis Professor Oak we gotta have professor Oak. He's the one that gets the pokeballs delivered He's the one that teaches Ash his vast knowledge of Pokemon such as throw the ball to catch the Pokemon and Beat the living shit out of you know strange animals to the point where they can barely breathe and then capture them for your own They claim them as your own pet He's gonna be played by Samuel L. Jackson get a little color into the film Have his wise cracking no nonsense personality in there. We might keep the eye patch even. I don't know. Well, we'll see Ash's mom hmm Susan Sarandon every one of these movies has a big kind of blockbuster name Attached to it kind of an Emmy Award winner Associated and that's what Susan Sarandon's gonna bring to the table Huh There's there's some coffee I spilled earlier. I was gonna have you clean it up, but we'll talk later Gary, okay This is a Michael Bay film We're gonna have Shia back just we saw this work before Michael Bay got in a fight with Megan Fox Booted her ass out of his films. She was in a ditch somewhere for a while. Then he brought her back He picked her up. He dusted her off. He said you can be in my produced teenage mutant Ninja Turtles movie We're gonna do the same thing for shy who's gone off the goddamn deep end Michael Bay is gonna come back to shy He's gonna say you want to be a star again. Here's your movie Pokemon go recap time bullet points Michael Bay director 250 to 300 million dollar project Another 200 in marketing. We are gonna have Pokemon go trading cards. We're gonna have sippy cups We're gonna have napkins. We're gonna have everything under the sun an amiibo for the Nintendo Wii They'll that that's not a thing anymore for the net and X or whatever they're gonna call that as for the Pokemon themselves I already mentioned they're gonna be CGI'd Pikachu's of course gonna be front and center Maybe I'll have Howie Mandel voice all of them or something. It doesn't matter Nicki Minaj cameo is jinx Everybody's gonna be looking for it might as well be there. There you go billion dollar idea again late right at your front door By Jonathan Cross we have a movie Yeah, we have a movie. Hey, you know what I can make that gulf meat after all this didn't take as long as I thought