 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. Exhibit A, Lucky Strike. Fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette. And day in, day out. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Lucky Strike presents The Man Who Knows. Mr. Lucian Purdom, ace tobacco auctioneer of Springfield, Kentucky, said not long ago. At every auction I've attended, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by a fine quality tobacco. That fine, ripe smoke and leaf that smokes makes a smooth, mild smoke. Smoke luck is myself for 22 years. At market after market, independent tobacco experts like Mr. Purdom can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Remember, LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And fine tobacco means real, deep down, smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. Yes, next time you buy cigarettes, ask for Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. And now, ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills. It's morning and Rochester is preparing the bath for his boss. There, that's enough water. When Mr. Benny takes a bath, he wants everything just right. I better check. Bath mat, bath towel, bath salt, soap, rubber duck, celluloid boat, and life-preserver. Better tie the life-preserver to the faucet. Last time the plug came out, Mr. Benny had to fight his way upstream like a salad. Trouble that man goes through to take a bath. I'm glad he don't do it often. He showers most of the time. Well, I guess that's... Good morning, Rochester. Good morning, boss. Your bath is ready. Well, I'm in a hurry this morning, so I'll just take a shower. But, boss, the tub is already. I don't care. I'm going to take a shower. The bath mat, the towels. I'm going to take a shower. The bath salt, the soap. I'm going to take a shower. The rubber duck, celluloid boat, the life-preserver. Well... You going to take a bath? No. Give me the rubber duck. I'll hold it in the shower. And, Rochester, next time, don't blow the duck up so high. The way its eyes pop out, it looks like Eddie Cantor. I'll fix that. No. You better put the air back in. Now it's so wrinkled, it looks like Fred Allen. Never mind. I'll blow it up myself. You better hurry with your shower, Professor LeBlanc. You're a violin teacher waiting in the library. Oh, yes. I have to take my violin lesson today. Well, Rochester, you go downstairs and get the house cleaned up. Okay. Get the house cleaned up. Every day the same thing. Dusting, washing, cleaning, scrubbing. If I could have guessed who Mrs. Hush was, I'd have... No, I'd only had more things to dust. And I was so sure it was Lena Horne. Well, I better go in the kitchen and... Oh my goodness, what's that? Mr. Belly. Mr. Belly, what happened? I broke my rubber duck. See? Shall I take it down, have it vulcanized? No, let's wait and see what Christmas brings. Now, Rochester, tell Professor LeBlanc I'll be right down. No, no, Mr. Belly. Please, tune up the violin. I will make the A on the piano. No, no, no. You are flat. Pull the string up a little tighter. Okay. Tighter. Tighter. Oh, darn it, the string broke. Good. That's one down and three to go. Well, you better put a new string on, Professor, while I open the window. It's kind of hot in here. There. Hey, Stevie, kick it to me. And then I'll... Look, there's Mr. Benny in the window. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Joey. Hello, Stevie. Hello, Mr. Benny. Say, Mr. Benny, some of us kids are going to play football. Can you come on and play with us? Oh, gee, I can't, Joey. I got to take my violin lesson. But I'll maybe a little later. Mr. Benny, you better close the window. It will be quieter. Okay. Here's your violin. We will start with the piece I gave you last time. Uh, uh, what was it again? The, uh, the glow worm. Oh, yes, Mr. The glow worm. It is very pretty. It commenced. Okay. Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny. It is such a small worm. Do not kill it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take it again. Mr. Benny. What are the plink plinks? I'm stepping over the worm. Mr. Benny, leave the jokes to the comedians. Yes, sir. And perhaps we better limit up a little more with the exercises. As you wish. Play it softer with emotion. Dip your bow in Jurgen's lotion. Nero played while Rome was burning. Right now, for a match, I'm yearning. No, Mr. Benny, you are sounding worse than ever. But, Professor, I've been practicing two hours every day. How can you stand it? What? No, look, that is enough of the exercises. Let us go back to the lesson. This time, give the tempo right. We will use the metronome. Okay. Tick tock, tick tock. Mr. Benny, what is that? Eastern Columbia, Broadway at night. And what is that? Farley's burlesque, Main Street at 6. Oh, wee-wee, the third girl from the end with the red hair. Professor. Professor LeBlanc. Excuse me, I hope you will not say anything to my wife. Your wife? Why? She is the third girl from the other end. Oh, she's the one with the... Oh, your wife! Well, anyway, Professor, let's get on with the lesson. I want to go out and play football. Wee-wee, commence. Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny, please. The lesson, she is older. Will you please pay me my money now, and don't keep me waiting like always? Oh, yes, yes, Professor. I'll go down my vault and get it. Oh, excuse me, there's the door. The money for the lesson, please. I'll be right back. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. Come on in. Say, Dennis, didn't I see you at the Notre Dame USC football game yesterday? Yeah, I was there. Well, I had an awful time getting my tickets. How'd you get yours? From my cousin. He plays for Notre Dame. Notre Dame? Oh, of course. Certainly, you're Irish. Now, what's your cousin's name? Kazakowski. Kazakowski? His real name is McNulty. What? He changed it to get on the team. Well, anyway, there was a lot of excitement, and I thought Notre Dame played great. So did UCLA. Dennis, UCLA didn't play yesterday. USC sent for them in the third quarter. Dennis, what are you taught? Mr. Benny, please. I am waiting for my money. Oh, yes, yes, Professor. I'll go and my ball can get it. Well, I'll run along, Mr. Benny. I got to go to the recording studio and make a record. A record? You know, Dennis, I made a whole album of records, a lot of comedy with my cast, and a couple of violin solos. You did? Yeah. You know, you can get them in any music store. Is there anything else you want to advertise before I leave? No, no, no, that's all. Well, I got to run along. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. So long, Dennis. Oh, by the way, kid, is your mother going to have a Christmas tree? Yeah, but this year she's going to buy it from somebody else. Well, if she changes her mind, I'll be at sunset in Fairfax. Okay. Goodbye. Gee, I better start a week earlier this Christmas. I had to burn 10 of them last year. Mr. Benny, you haven't paid me for your missile. Oh, yes, yes, Professor. How thoughtless of me. I'll go into my vault and get your money. Gee, I wonder who keeps it further underground. Me or Fort Knox? I must ask him someday when I'm there to collect the rent. Who goes there? Friend or foe? Friend. What's the password? The British are coming. Oh, it's you, Mr. Benny. Yes, yes. We've had that password a long time now, haven't we, Ed? Yes, ever since that night you hung the lantern in the old North Church. Oh, yes. By the way, Mr. Benny, did that fellow on horseback ever make it? Why? I had two dollars on him. Well, excuse me a minute, Ed. I'm going to open the vault. How much money are you putting in? Oh, nothing. I'm taking some out. Oh, sickness in the family? Oh, no, everything's all right. Well, I'm going to open the vault now. Shall I take a sleeping pill? No, no, Ed, you can watch. It's all right. See, the combination is right to 45, left to 60, back to 15, and left to 110. And there. Why be half safe? Let's see. One violin lesson, a dollar and 50 cents. There it is. Well, see you later, Ed. All right. Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, I meant to ask you. How are things on the outside? Oh, it's December. Winter is nearly here. And the leaves are falling. Hey, that must be exciting. No, no, no, Ed, people are wearing clothes now. Well, goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye, Ed. Well, I'll hear you out, Professor, a dollar and a half. Here's your dollar. And here's a old darned, it was so dark down there, I got the wrong coin. Professor, have you got changed for a Spanish doubloon? No, no, no, please, Mr. Benny, go back to the vault and give me the other 50 cents. Okay, okay, I'll do it right now. Mr. Benny. Excuse me, man, I want to answer the phone. Sacre bleu. Hello? This is the Palm Springs operator, Ms. Livingston calling Jack Benny. Oh, good. This is Jack Benny. Hello, Mary? Just a minute, I'll have to ring her back. All right, I'll wait. Gee, I'm sure glad that Mary's calling. Oh, Don, that there's someone at the door. Come in. Oh, hello, Don. I'll be with you in a minute. Jack, I've got the quartet here, and we're in an awful hurry. Well, Don, you'll have to wait until I get the phone call. Will you hold the line, Mr. Benny? Yes, yes, I'm waiting. Mr. Benny, my 50 cents. Just a minute, Professor. Jack, as long as you're holding the line, I want you to hear the number of the sportsmen that prepare. Don. It'll fit beautifully if you ever do a Western play. Well, wait until I'm through on the phone. Mary is calling me. You'll only take a minute. I'm ringing Ms. Livingston. Good, good. I knew you'd want to hear it. Don, I wasn't talking to you. Anyway, if you want me to hear the quartet, make it fast. Mary will be on the phone any minute. Okay, hit it, boys! He always sings, Raging music through the cattle as he swings, Back and forward in the saddle on the horse, A pretty good horse that is syncopated, And is such a funny meter to the roar of his repeatedly, And smile. He's been spoken lucky strike for quite a while. That's the one he likes. He will never roll his own again, For what is he used when he can send for good old luckies? Good old luckies. Good old lucky strike. Oh, and let's hurry. I can't hear you. What? Boys, I'm trying to talk. Shut up, will you? Mr. Benny, would you like 50 cents, please? I'll give it to you later. Hello? Hello, Mary? Boy! Mary? Boy! Hello? Boys! Mr. Benny is talking. Wait a minute. Hello? Wait a minute. Mary! Wait a minute. Mary, I can't hear you. Mary! No, darn it, she must have hung up. Well, I'll call her later. Now look, Don, did you have to go out? Mr. Benny, they went out. Oh, gee, and I wanted to tell them something. My 50 cents, please? In a minute, Professor. Oh, Don! Don! Well, I guess they've gone. Gee, they got away so fast. Say, Mr. Benny, we're still waiting for you to play football with us. Yeah, come on out. Well, I can't yet. I got, okay, I'll tell you, I'll do what I have to do later. Come on, Stevie, but we better choose upsides first. Well, how can we? There are five of us. Yeah, and that won't come out even. Now, let's see. Two and a five. Yeah, it won't come out even. Well, look at that. Since I'm the biggest, I'll take Joey on my side and we'll play the three of you. Now, come on, let's do it. Hey, Jackson! Hey, Jackson! Huh? Oh-ho, Phil! Come on out here a minute. Okay, here, fellas, here's the ball. I'll be right back. Say, Phil, that's the most gorgeous new car I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, just picked it up, and I wanted to show it to you. I'm giving it to Alice for her birthday present. Oh, when is Alice's birthday? January the third. January? You're a month early. No, I'm a year late. Well, with a present like that, I'm sure Alice will forgive you. Certainly is the nicest-looking car I've ever seen. Yeah, come here, Jackson. Come over here just a second. Look, hey, read this. Let's see. To Alice Faye from her handsome, ever-loving, curly-headed joyboy, Phil Harris. Ain't that beautiful? Yes, but you should have written it on a birthday card, not painted it on the door. That's terrible. What's wrong with writing it on the door? Well, Phil, everybody sees it there. So what? I ain't ashamed of Alice. Oh, fine. Phil, is this a 47 model or a 48? I don't know, but it's the latest style. Look at them fender skirts. They're two inches longer. Yeah, General Motors sure gave it that new look. Boy, I can't wait to see the expression on Alice's face when I give her this car for a present. Oh, is it a surprise? Well, I wanted it to be, but they already sent her the bill. Well, so long, Jackson. I gotta beat it home. So long, Phil. I hope Alice likes the car. Hey, Mr. Benny, we're still waiting for you. Oh, boys, come on over here. I want you to meet somebody. Hey, boys, this is Phil Harris. Hello, Mr. Harris. Hi, fellas. Say, Mr. Harris, you're married to Alice Faye, aren't you? Yes, sir. She sure is beautiful. Yes, sir. Say, Mr. Harris. Yeah? If you ever get tired of her, let me know. Come on, Joey. Joey, how can you say a thing like that? Yeah, Joey, me and Alice are a happy married couple. We got two beautiful little daughters. Well, if you ever get tired of them, let us know. Alice. Hiya, gang. Oh, hello, Terry. Well, who's this boy? Oh, he's a new kid that moved into the neighborhood. Terry, this is Mr. Jack Benny and Mr. Phil Harris. Hi. Hello, Terry. You know, Terry, Mr. Benny was all American fullback when he played football for Yale. Yale. And Terry, during the war, he once shot down 46 Jap Zero planes in one day. She wins. Hey, Jackson, did you fight? Mr. Benny was the first man to swim the English Channel. Oh, I was lucky. The tide was with me. Say, Mr. Benny, tell Terry about the time you beat Notre Dame in the Rose Bowl. It was nothing really. You see, there were 10 seconds left to play in the game. We were behind seven to six. I got the ball behind our own goal line and started down the sideline. I twisted, squirmed, stiffed on my arm, my arm way down the field. Then I saw standing between me and the goal, Notre Dame's famous five horsemen. Realizing. Mr. Benny, don't you mean the four horsemen? Five. They were making it tough for me. Realizing that they might be hard to get through. I stopped and dropped, kicked a field goal from the 50-yard line, which won the game for us nine to seven. The shoe I wore that day is now in the Smithsonian Institute. What an honor. God, she wins. Wow. Well, fellas, you go back and warm up a little and I'll join you soon, huh? Okay, let's go, gang. Hey, Jackson. What? Come here. Huh? You dog, you. Well, I was just... Look up in the air. Is it a bird? Is it a bullet? Is it a plane? No, it's super many. I'll never mind. See you later. So long, Phil. So long, Lou Jack. Lou Jack, who's he? Must be the drummer in Phil's band. All right, boys. Up on your feet. Show a little pep. Now, let's get the game started. Yeah, let's go. Come on. Now, let's see. Joey's on my side. We'll play the three of you. Stevie, you kick off and we'll receive. Okay. Attaboy, I'll run interference for you. Keep behind me, Joey. Keep behind me. Keep behind me. I'm 10 feet ahead of you. Oh, well then, they got you, Joey. Okay, it's our ball. First down 10 yards to go. Now, let's go in a huffle, Joey. Yes, sir. Now, look. UB Center passed me the ball and I'll take it around left end. Okay, let's go. Signals. 38. 38. 38. Back on kids. Around left end. Better not get them. Yeah, and you knocked his helmet off. Hey, I never saw a helmet like this before. It's got a part in the middle. I bet he was running with a ball and Stevie tackled him. He must have hit his head. What do we do? What do we do? Oh, just let him lay there a second. He'll come around all right. Oh, no, no, waiter. Give me the check. This, this party's on me. Let's get him in the house, boys. It's worse than I thought. Okay. Well, fellas, I think we better get going. Gee, I sure hope Mr. Benny will be all right. Yeah, he's a swell guy. Don't worry, boys. I'll go down the hall with you. I want to get him a cold towel. Oh, what happened? Where am I? Oh, I'm in my bed. Wait a minute. Who's, who's this in bed with me? Mr. Benny, please pay me my 50 cents. Oh, it's your own professor. Good night. Ladies and gentlemen, here is a final message from our government. As cold weather nears, the food situation in Western Europe grows steadily worse. Widespread crop failures in that area of Europe bring its people closer and closer to actual starvation. In order to protect our own freedom, prosperity, and peace, all Americans are urged to back the president's food conservation program. Remember, save wheat, save meat, save the peace. Thank you. Back will be back in just a moment. But first, quality of product is essential to continuing success. And lucky strike means fine tobacco. LSMFT. Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. And fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette. Remember what happens at the tobacco auctions? Year after year, independent tobacco experts can see the makers of lucky strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Lucky strike presents The Man Who Knows. Mr. Garland Tilley, veteran independent tobacco buyer of Durham, North Carolina, recently said. Season after season, I've seen tobacco bought by the makers of lucky strike. And believe you, me, that tobacco's really ripe, smooth, and mild. I've smoked luckies myself for 17 years. So for your own real, deep down, smoking enjoyment, remember, LSMFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. And lucky strike is the ideal gift on every Christmas list. So say Merry Christmas 200 times with a carton of 200 lucky strike cigarettes in their beautiful holiday wrapping. And for the specials on your list, a special handsome gift box of 500 lucky strike cigarettes. Each so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Hello, Mr. Belly's resident. Starve, stage, screen, radio, and the Rose Bowl. Oh, hello, Mr. Livingston. Oh, he's in bed. No, that's not serious. He just sprained his ankle playing football. Huh? Yeah, I guess the phone will reach over his bed. Boss, it's Mr. Livingston. Oh, hello, Mary. How are you? Well, I'm all right. It's just a little sprain. Are you going to be on the show next week? Good. Well, I'll be all right. Thanks for calling. Goodbye. Boss, what are you whispering about? Shh, the professor's asleep. Good night, my jester. Good night. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.