 Welcome again. Narc Survivor Live video. And in this one, we're going to be talking about how narcissists provoke you to react. Narcissists will manipulate your emotions. They will do anything to upset you. Anything to get under your skin. But first they have to work out your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They have to figure out what gets to you. Maybe you don't like it when they lie to you. When they gaslight you. When they triangulate you. When they cheat on you. And once they find out what it is that affects you emotionally. They're just going to do it again and again. Now with a normal person it's very different. If you realise that something you're doing or saying is upsetting someone and you notice their reaction to it you can tell that they feel uncomfortable. You're going to stop doing it. Because if you're a normal functional person and you still have that correct human wiring which stops you from doing these things then of course you're going to notice that it's affecting them and you're going to stop. And this is really what separates us from Narcissists. This is really what separates them from the rest of us. Because when they realise that something is getting to you they're just going to do it even more. And it's going to get worse and worse. Because they are not normal people. A normal person would stop to believe you alone. But Narcissists many of them are sadistic. They're intentionally trying to cause pain to you. They're intentionally trying to get under your skin because your emotional reaction to the abuse is what fuels them. That's their supply. That's what keeps them going. It gives them a little high. And if they don't do these things to you then they begin to feel low. They feel down. And they don't like how that feels. They experience constant misery and pain every day. It never ends. And the only thing that subsides pain and misery is when they distract themselves by abusing you. By manipulating you. Misleading you. That's what helps them to survive. And you can know that this is true by seeing that they really can't stop themselves. It's like they have to do it. Even though it may be favourable for them to stop they still keep going. It never ends. Because it's really like their life support. They can't live without it. And of course they are self-absorbed. And they lack empathy. So they really only care about themselves. Why would a person who is self-absorbed take the time to give a damn about how it's affecting you? Unless they can use that to feel better about themselves. And that is why they just know that this really is a sickness. It's an illness. Because it's like they just can't stop. No matter how favourable it may be for them to just stop hurting you and trying to make things work they just can't do it. But then you may notice them with other people and then you may wonder why aren't they provoking them? And really the real reason for that is because they're not around them all the time. They're only there on occasions and they don't want it to affect their image. So they wait until they see you and then they take it out on you. It's much easier for them to do that. To reserve all of that anger and frustration for the person who is not only the closest to them but also the person that they're deeply envious and jealous of. Because you've got to think that narcissists target us because of our good qualities because of what they like about us. But by nature they're very envious and jealous people. So it's only a matter of time until the very person that they idealized is the very person that they compare themselves to. They become envious and jealous of you. And at that point they just want to mess with your mind they just want to play with your emotions they want to screw you up because then it's like maybe you're not so special after all if they can get reactions out of you even normal rational reactions which are appropriate to the circumstances in their minds that's like I'm better than you oh I got one over on you. Because they don't really care about the truth they don't respect reality in their minds their feelings are facts. The one who knows asks do nox know they are feeling envious and jealous so I do believe that these emotions are largely unconscious remember they haven't got the capacity to deal with these emotions the very weak fragile people and that's why they're always on your case because a strong confident person doesn't need to tear anyone down but they do tend to project these emotions onto you whenever they're feeling envious or jealous of you or someone else they will try to make you feel the same way however you feel is how the narcissist wants you to feel and however you feel it's likely to be how the narcissist feels. Just remember any time that you were around the narcissist you couldn't even think your own thoughts you couldn't hold on to your own beliefs the things that you've valued you couldn't hold on to any of that so how could you hold on to your own feelings and emotions if you can't hold on to your own thoughts and beliefs while you're around them and that's how you should know that whatever you think feel or believe while you're around the narcissist that's not really you remember narcissists are very dominant and overbearing if you had your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs they wouldn't be able to coexist with you they specifically target people who are moldable people who are susceptible to manipulation if they cannot manipulate your thoughts, emotions and beliefs there's no use in them being around you because everything has to be molded into what they want it to be and if you haven't been programmed or conditioned from childhood to be this sponge that soaks up other people's thoughts, feelings and beliefs they wouldn't target you because that is really the number one thing they look for can I make you think what I want you to think can I make you feel what I want you to feel can I make you believe what I want you to believe that's really the criteria for a narcissist victim if you fit that criteria then they will target you they will be provoking you every day because they know it works they know you're just an emotional sponge you're going to soak up all of their garbage and even better you're going to identify it as if it was your own you're going to resonate with it because your entire life by the narcissist parent you were told what to think you were told how to feel about certain people or situations you were told what to believe so it's like there's no room for you but then we wonder why they see us as objects we wonder why they see us as their property of course they would see us that way because they've just invaded our minds they've taken over and that's why they see us as emotions which is parts of them like components they will turn you into whatever they want you to be if you just look at who you are towards the end of the relationship that's just the result of their work that's just who they want you to be because remember they take control of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs so there's no room for any of your own stuff because you're constantly being dominated day after day it's sad I know this is what these people do this is how they survive you just have to go no contact that's the only way and then you need to take some time to discover who you really are not who they find you as not who they caused you to become from the manipulation and abuse that's not you you were erased at a core level when you were involved with a narcissist that's a scientific fact because they just wipe you out completely your memory perception and sometimes even your sanity that's what gaslighting does to you you gaslight someone enough times eventually they won't even know who they are but when you spend some time away from the narcissist you will start to know who you are again just by trying different things seeing what feels good for you what you like and at first you may find yourself being pulled towards things that you know the narcissist likes things that they programmed in you but you just need to identify that's not you that wasn't you before you met the narcissist you only became that way after being involved with them and you can become yourself again but this time you can be stronger you can start from the beginning by re-parenting yourself you can teach yourself the values and beliefs that you would like to have rather than it being dictated to you start discovering what you're passionate about give yourself some time to experience love love for yourself love for what you do love for your ethics and morals and maybe you can get a pet love your pet take care of it because that's really what heals us when we not only do things for ourselves but we do things for others without expecting anything in return and we give others the freedom to think however they want to think to feel whatever they want to feel to believe whatever they want to believe instead of telling them what's right what's wrong what's good what's bad let them figure it out on their own but that doesn't mean you have to leave them out in the cold you can be there to guide them but don't be so overbearing that's really a healing thing whether it's a child or a pet you give them what they need without dominating their lives and then you see mental and emotional food you give to them make some grow make some blossom into something beautiful it's a beautiful thing I mean we've only got to look at nature to realize that we don't need control just look around outside all of the beautiful trees and flowers the animals birds fruits vegetables these are all natural things there was no one there to control it too much control things just die away because you need that space it needs room to grow it's like with a plant you can water it now and again make sure it has sunlight but other than that you leave it alone to do its thing because nature knows best it's been around for hundreds of millions billions of years before us before any humans so why should we think that we know better than what is natural for us and we know that it's natural because there's so much research on it there's so much evidence that you just have to leave things alone let people do what they want to do instead of trying to control them control has been around for a long time but it's really worse today at this age I think it's having an effect on us there's so much advertising so much brainwashing social media telling you who you are what you should be we never had any of this stuff before just look at it if it wasn't for our ancestors we wouldn't be here today so we should really look back whether it's 50 years ago 100 years ago we should take what they were doing and try to apply that to our lives to see how we can become better because all of this control it isn't helping us it's making everyone depressed and things like social media it makes you compare yourself to other people people who you never would have even known existed 10, 20 50 years ago but this is what it does to us I think you could say that control isn't always about security sometimes it causes insecurity if there is an unhealthy balance of it control is like death because it limits your freedom it limits your existence and I don't think that God or the universe ever intended to control anyone we were given free will but with narcissists no they have to control you because that's what provides them with their sense of self it provides them with that sense of importance it's always about them they don't control you to help you they will tell you that they're helping you but just look at what they're doing how does that serve you in any way does it really look like they have your best interest in mind and they're controlling you of course not it's all about them it's always about making themselves feel more comfortable because they never cared about you that's why you just have to get away from the provocation because it's self-serving it's not there to help you it's there to break you down that's their intention when they're doing it it serves two purposes one is to break you down and two is to fuel themselves to make themselves feel more comfortable it has nothing to do with anything because whenever they do have an opportunity to make a difference from the very things they profess to support or believe in they never attend to it because they don't really care all they care about is breaking you down and getting supply and you can really see that in their actions their actions tell you everything you need to know when they provoke you too many times you look at yourself and you think what's wrong with me maybe I'm not enough when really when they provoke you you should be looking at them and thinking that's who you are that's what you're like that's what you're about that's what the behaviour should reveal to you rather than it revealing things about yourself but at the same time if they provoke you you could also see that maybe you do have something to work on narcissists are haters and haters can be your motivators they can show you what you need to correct but if it's something you can't change change the way you think about it there's no point in stressing over things you can't change but yeah narcissists provoke you to react that's what they do if this video resonate with you please give it a thumbs up helps the youtube algorithm and share your thoughts in the comment section I do read the comments every day and click that subscribe button as well if you haven't subscribed yet then you'll receive the notification then you'll receive the notifications for all of my future videos I'd just like to thank you all for joining me on another Narc Savarelai video you know I do appreciate all of you and my family and I love you all really appreciate the support so yeah thank you all for watching and have a great day