 In Hollywood well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the evidence of fellow show Abandoned car fellow show produced and transcribed hollywood tonight for your listening play with Susan Miller and the music of Maddie Mallet Hold on your tears for here. They are U.S. Mail and all the letter carrier bags, but I could buy it. Why did it buy you well one day? I listed up to me four hundred meal carriers walked around with bags that said You may you'll never make any money though. Oh, yes, I will. I just told I just told Tom Dewey 30,000 old herbert Who was campaign for what was what you do they do governor do it? Well, you see they fasted just my station sense and he's gonna give me all the mothers for the baby for babies Yeah, what good is that? Well on the front of do we slow them? It's time for a game I'm not gonna bother with you from now on I'm going to the beach to relax and forget about you. Well, I'll see you down here at the bus I am didn't like that Well, you can't even die. Yes, I can. I practice this morning I go way up on top of the pier and I put on my terraces, then I come up. I count as a tent and pull the cord What happened? My trunks fell off. You mean you're in the water with no trunks on? What did you do? I had to spend the whole day running in and out with the tide Always get any further involved in nonsense. Here's about that makes good sense Before Lucas teller became a lifeguard He almost drowned the water that only came up to his knees of course his head was stuck in the mud Now don't you be a stick in the mud about entertainment that is on Wednesday night Just listen to the lively shows offered you on ABC from early to late For example, look at the entertainment still on top of your listening pleasure tonight There are lots more laughs coming up with bud and Lou Then our fabulous new quiz show go for the house follows over most of these ABC stations After go for the house be sure to hear the great thing cross the show things guest star will be vivacious musical comedy queen Ethel Merman and together they'll bring you the latest addition of the cross big flop parade Following being a listen to the star theater. Yes for wonderful entertainment. Stay tuned to ABC tonight Now back to ABC's Abbott and Costello show This thing with service cross you idiot that means the department of street cleaners Give me that phone the white shoot with the three cleaners. I don't think no wonder he gave me the brush That's only we've got a cut out. It's not last week. You bought a dog this week. You buy a horse the next thing The next thing I know you'll be buying an elephant. I did. I bought an elephant But I had to give back That's a nice You have a great big You're cool you're gonna take that horse outside and turn him loose. Oh, yeah Look, I can't do that. I gotta see them. What is it for? What is the horse eat out of the horse. He's just bought it By the way, that's fine. What does the horse is funny? He's just bought it He's just bought it So what do you know and what is the horse's money? He's her father What are they a bunch of cannibals every horse has to eat his father? Oh, I see he's just bought it in a spot. He's just bought it and then it's money to father the next thing You know, there won't be no father's left for father's day Now now you dummy to feed a horse you take your bag and put his father in it You put a spot on the bag that's right then you hang his father on his nose No, we got a pretty picture horse walking around with his father hanging on his nose You with your old man hanging on yours And you've got the nose to hang on all right all right never mind that love Let's talk sense you intend to keep that horse around here. You'll have to take care of yourself. You're gonna be the horse's room. Okay, I'll I'll be the horse's what his room. You said you love the horse didn't you? I love him, but I don't want to marry him When I say groom I mean you have to carry the horse. Why should I carry him? He's big enough to walk Okay, but I'm gonna take Tina put her off the Hollywood park, and I'm gonna enter him in the race Well, the track is pretty muddy. Do you think you'll be able to race? What is your mother? What I said is the a mother How can I be the a mother? Ain't it she always a mother? Well, certainly not sometimes he makes a better mother than a she Look at it suppose a mama horse has little horses. Don't that make her a mother? That depends on her feet Mother's awesome like to run in the mud on a kind of having Well, in that case I guess Tina put us a mother because I saw a woman on a soup of feet. Oh, I see having trouble with the four legs Mm-hmm I said he's having trouble with his four legs have a couple of four legs. I just told you you only live for the two foot legs Got jelly your horse's four legs are in front four legs are in front. Yes. What are those things in the back? Your horse has four legs in front and hind legs and back four legs of foot and hind legs and back. That's right Well, I got a canopy Look got jelly your horse has only four legs. I know putting only races on freedom What did you do with the other leg? That's broken down the horse doesn't belong on a race back Who would ever bet on a nag like that? I would I'm gonna take all the money out of my piggy bank I'm even gonna sell my erector set my team found cattle, and I'm gonna bet every set of my money on my horse That's ridiculous. I'll put it all your money on a horse the gamblers don't do that on all Well, the biggest gamblers that ever lifted it and just who was the biggest gambler that ever lived lady to dive up Lady good diver was a gambler. He put everything she had on a horse I'll get this horse out of the studio at once okay Put on a blanket and he's back again habit don't look now, but that's your wife How dare you call me a horse? Yes, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Your wife doesn't look like a horse Quiet honey, I apologize to me you are the most beautiful woman in the world That's more like my buddy Remember you once did I have a face that launched a thousand How did they launch them slide them down that big nose do walkie-win bag? Hold on honey. Oh, look, I tell you what he's been through a lot in his brain What do you mean my brain is too tense it's too tense the size of a normal brain I We can I would understand that mrs. Abbots because I was out I was going out of my way to get you a beautiful present My looks like a pair of nylon stockings. Well, I couldn't get nylon stockings in your thighs Please it's just a sheer and quite the strong and they'll fix your legs perfect. What are they alarming? That's the little I can't understand you You do everything wrong you and some of my wife you brought a race horse into the studio Tell me idiots running your family. Oh, no, they all drive their own cars I'm getting out of here rabbit I gotta go over to the race back and end up being a putter in a handicapped idiot that horse hasn't got a chance Oh, no, I see them running. He runs rings around the other horses. Where did you see him run rings around the other horses on America round? I'm gonna take them in the big way six-four. It's a new kind of race And there's a lot of money in it all the money goes to the first force what raises that Frank put her handicap Frank for the handicapped. Yeah, we need to take all Well, it's Susan Miller. Well, I've got news for you. Castella just bought a race horse Oh, that's wonderful. Yes, just think of it. You'll be seeing my name on a 40 page of the paper Louis S. Costello, 13. Louis S. Costello? Mm-hmm. What is the S then for? Nothing. My father dropped a piece of spaghetti on my birth certificate Well, Castella, now that you're a big race horse owner You should dress the pot. Yes, you should wear sport clothes. Oh, I got plenty of sport clothes. Do you have gabbages? Oh, yes You have ties here. Uh-huh. You have twills. Do I have what? You have twills? You know I have twills. Every time you fix me, I have twills I'm talking about clothes. If you want to know the proper time to close the wear, you should look in Esquire and see what the men are wearing There's a switch that time. I should look in Esquire to see what the men are wearing That's like going to a burler show them what's in a uterus You idiot, this is right. Esquire tells you what to wear. It gives you the proper color combination Oh, yes, I saw that. A guy with gray eyes supposed to wear a gray hat. Maybe he's got blue eyes He's supposed to wear a blue hat. Maybe he had brown eyes and brown hats. Oh What are you laughing at? You tell her you're going to look awfully funny walking down the street in the blood shop derby So long, Castell Getting me no place now. I've got to get over to the race back and get my horse peanut butter ready for the race No, wait a minute. What's that you've got under your arm? Special saddle I made for peanut butter out of one of my mother's old girdle Oh, now what good is this saddle it's made out of a lady's girdle Well with this on if he gets in a tight spot, he can always come from behind and let himself out in a stretch Just as many left you have to come but first listen to this Here's the hot tip we got right from the horse's mouth Lou Costello's horse if you want a good entertainment set stick to abc wins tonight Now there's the horse that makes sense He knows you'll go for the fun on go for the house which follows Abbott and Costello over most of these abc stations Farm and hearing contestants try for a beautiful honeymoon house And since he's a horse he should know about being caused by whose great show is on the air tonight at nine After you've listened to Bing and his special guest Ethel Merman Stay tuned for the scintillating melody of the star theater featuring singers Gordon McRae and lovely Evelyn Knight And the sparkling music of Victor Young's orchestra Remember still to be heard tonight our go for the house Bing Crosby and the star theater Yes, even horses talk about the outstanding entertainment people enjoy every Wednesday night on abc And now back to abc's Abbott and Costello show But a kick out of you is the choice of our singing star Susan Miller as she joins Matty Malnick and his orchestra One of the officials are in register your horse. Why should I register me too young to boast? You tell me in order to enter your horse in a rage you've got to show his pedigree Well, uh, what'd you say? You've got to show his pedigree. Can't have it. Why not? You tell me I'm talking about his pedigree Who was he fooled by? He wasn't fooled by anybody. He's a very smart horse You've got to tell him all about your horse his age his weight and your horse's height You know your horse's height. I don't very well. He's a friend of mine. Who's a friend of yours? Horse's height the band leader Cut out this nonsense you've got to get a jacky, you know to ride your horse Have it. I'm gonna write you a foot of myself. You don't you've never rode a horse in your life I just know I rode a horse once when I was out west. What kind of horse did you ride? Did you ride a Mustang? Well, I used to have a Mustang, but I shaved it off, right? Make my girl jealous. It was bigger than hers I'm talking about a Mustang, not a mustache. You ride on a Mustang, but you can't ride on the mustache Well, you could ride on mine. It had handlebars But I don't mean you can ride at all. Oh, I can Didn't you make your horse do a cannon? Yes. I make him do a jolson too He could start on one knee and he sings many Trying to tell me that your horse sang many Oh, sure. Sure. Not all the way through. He whistled the last course Godzilla that's impossible. How can a horse whistle? I put my fingers in his mouth Well, never mind that. What about your horse's feet? To beat him today. Well, this morning I gave him a bucket of whiskey He gave the horse a bucket of whiskey? Yeah, because I felt sorry for him. The man just told me He told me he said he's got to go back on a wagon tomorrow Tell me you better get over with the stable right away. The first race starts in five minutes Good evening racing fans. The races will start in five minutes We hope you have a wonderful time here at the kitties and gentlemen I came from the stable. They won't let my horse run But he says he's not in condition. Who told you that? The track's vegetarian You don't think it's veterinarian? Veterinarian. That's what my brother is Your brother's a horse doctor? He's a veterinarian. A veterinarian of world war two Who does doctor say was wrong with your horse? I think he's got bugs. The doctor said he had to crick it. He didn't say crick it He said your horse had rickets. Rickets. That's what my uncle might think every night Your uncle grates rickets. Floorkin rickets Castello, here comes the doctor now Good afternoon gentlemen. I'm dr. Mellonhead the racetrack veterinarian. Well, I'm glad I'm glad to meet you, doctor Is it true that castello's horse can't run this afternoon? Yes, it is true Castello's horse is the most peculiar horse I ever examined. Castello It's obvious that your horse is suffering from double endiocardomy I said double endiocardomy too hard Too hard? Three feet. I passed Be sensible, Castello. You'll have to go to the drug store. Get this prescription filled here. Take out a pencil. Got it? Now write this down Now, dear druggies Dear druggies, give Mr. Castello 40 milligrams of salamander sodium carcane solution for civic industry to soften under my solutions Combined with super hard middle to cellar, cellar, cellar acid Have you got that down? Oh, but one part One part is that. The parts that come desert, dear druggies How are you going, gentlemen? Well, gotta leave now. What's the hurry, doctor? Well, don't tell anybody, but I'm running in the third race today Don't forget the bet on me to win Castello, you're not going to be fooling up the bet on the doctor to win, are you? Don't be ridiculous I'll bet on the show Abbot, was that guy real or am I dreaming? I know it seems silly, but I'm pinching myself Young man, you all are pinching me. I'm not so silly after all Well, Abbot, this girl is beautiful. Allow me to introduce myself to you all. Me all? Yes. Is that all you? Please accept me. Are you from the south? Yes, I'm from the solid south You didn't you didn't tell us it ain't miss, but I've got a very odd name. I mean that's a bunch of southern flowers It's magnolia, violet, jasmine, honeysuckle, swatts That's a pretty flower A swatts You are here to bet on the horses, miss. You know my friend Castello here's a lot of horses Oh, would you would you all help me load me? I bought this paper, but I don't know much about it Look over my phone I'm looking Do you see how it doesn't look good to you? Lady, it all looks good to me, but don't you think we ought to pick out on horses first? Castello, do you want you to give her a winner? Yes, if you give Paul a winner Addison, we say yowth If you give Paul a little me a winner, right out to the races, you can get Paul a little me to my Paul a little heart And Paul a little you can sit with me on the Paul a little cat And there you'll put my Paul a little arms around me We'll call up the poor little electric company and tell them to turn off the poor little old lights I'm going to go now, but before I go, I'm going to give you a father and a kiss that'll curl your head Castello, Castello, what's the matter? Is there anything I can do for you? Yes, the home to tell my mother that you think we'll be home for dinner tonight Come on, Castello, your heart doesn't run until the last race, but let's make a few bets on the other race That's a good idea, Rabbit. I like to bet two dollars on the first race Okay, I'll take your bet. Keep eating the money They're off, you lose Wait a minute, whoa! Now on the next race, I want you to double up Double up? I ain't even straightened up from the last one I want you to bet four dollars Four dollars for my eye My eye, that's a good horse, it's a bet They're off, the race is over, you lose This will happen Maybe the horse got dust in his eye You know what dust is Dust is smart, but the juice squeezed out Now in the next race There ain't got to be no next race Jelly bean and lollipop You bet on these horses you can't lose Hey, that's right I bet on these horses I can't lose Okay, here's twenty dollars on jelly bean And here's twenty dollars on lollipop Good, the horses are at the post now They're off, lollipop is first Jelly bean is second Come on, jelly pop You mean lollipop I mean jelly pop, I'm betting on a post up They're on the return Lollipop first, jelly bean second Generals of the wire and the winner Hershey bar That's a nut Now just a minute, in the last race I was my last race But wait a minute, Coachella Don't bring this to a stall There's only one horse in the last race Yes I bet you sound like one of them race facts But I wouldn't make another bet If there was no horses in the race It's your own horse Peanut butter? I'm going to bet everything I can on peanut butter Put ten dollars on the nose Ten dollars on the nose Ten dollars on the tail Put it under the saddle What for? It's a one horse race They're off, in a bunch Off in a bunch Peanut butter Come on, peanut butter That's a three quarters of peanut butter Peanut butter Total finish, one horse in the race Lollipop Roy Rogers horse That's Jackie, we're speeding him with a guitar We bring you one more thought on this subject Next week, be sure to tune in early for our full Wednesday night lineup of shows Don't miss the lone ranger, Lionel Balamore on Mare of the Sound and the newcomer to the lineup Paul Whiteman's on stage America Whiteman who in the past discovered such stars as Bing Crosby, Morton Downey the Dorothy Brothers and the host of other show World Great will give you the opportunity of hearing his latest discoveries performers who may be tomorrow's big names Yes, next week tune in early for the lone ranger Mare of the Town on stage America and Aberton Costello Then tonight and next Wednesday night stay tuned for the fascinating quiz program which follows next over most of these ABC stations Go for the House which is followed by the wonderful Bing Crosby show guest starring Ethel Merman Then after Bing here the sparkling star theater featuring the voices of Gordon McRae and Evelyn Knight and now back for a final word from ABC's Aberton Costello show Our Aberton Costello with a final word Hope, we want to remind you of the big contest on our Saturday morning Aberton Costello Kid Show You can win over $20,000 in prizes including a $5,000 airplane a $3,000 automobile a $5 baby elephant a $3,000 house trailer and thousands of dollars more in big prizes You can win them all by entering this contest and at the same time you'll be doing your part to fight juvenile delinquency It's really a worthwhile project folks so remember to tune in Saturday morning That's over ABC Saturday morning The Aberton Costello Kid Show You can hear it over most of these same ABC stations See you Saturday, you next Wednesday night too Good night folks Good night everybody and part of things It's time for another great Aberton Costello show It's been prescribed in Hollywood by Charles Vander and featuring Susan Miller and Matty Malnick Orchestra This is Michael Roy saying goodbye until this same time next Wednesday Be sure to stay tuned for the Outstanding Entertainment which follows throughout the evening on this ABC station Next go for the house The exciting audience participation show that gives studio contestants an opportunity to win a brand new honeymoon house in one little furniture So stay tuned Go for the house follows in just one moment over most of these same ABC stations That's the ABC The American Broadcasting Company