 Because they're packed to go out to the Connie Haynes and listen to Gaurav, tonight's special guest from Gaurav. And sorry, whatever that is. Hope in their tanks. To pick up my wife at the big bond rally at Hollywood and Vine. She was at the kissing booth. People wife doesn't have to buy kisses. Why, she has lips like nails. Ken tells me that you've been doing some charity work lately. Oh yes, Miss Abbot. That's just what I came to see you about. You see, our club is putting on a big benefit concert tonight. You know our West Side ladies gin and rummy clubs? We're remodeling our clubhouse. The girl's room, the wallpaper and the boy simply must be plastered. Well boys will be boys. Mr. Abbott, would you and this fat thing like to entertain the ladies tonight? Why, he'd be glad to Mrs. Niles. You may be Abbott, but I'm not. I ain't gonna entertain a bunch of old hens. Oh, you're hurting. There is no woman in my club older than I am. That's old enough. Remember that remark, Costello? I won't forget it if I live to be a hundred. That's two more years. Costello, stop fighting, please. Oh, here comes the chairman of our entertaining committee. Mr. Abbott, I'd like to have you meet the famous movie star, Miss Janet Blair. Mrs. Niles. Hello, Mr. Abbott. And don't forget me, Miss Blair, the name's Costello. Oh, oh, so you approve of Miss Blair, eh, Costello? You never look at me like that. You never look like that. I'm committing, I'm a little disappointed now that I've seen you face to face. What'd you expect? A face? Let me know. Get away, Costello. I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with the club. You said they were a bunch of old hens. Yeah. But you just presented new evidence. Costello. To ask you to entertain an art charity concert. You see, I've been looking for talent high and low. How come you didn't find me? I never looked that low. Low? Oh, my God, he has such a complex. Well, from where I'm standing, it looks more like a duplex. You might as well know, Costello, that I just want Mr. Abbott to be master of ceremonies. And the only other act I need is a concert pianist. Oh, so you're going to have a piano solo, Janet. Oh, I love the piano. Oh, Beethoven is my favorite. I'll bet you were his favorite, too. Yeah. Set out, Costello. I don't like it. Open the entertainment with Janet Blair. You know why? Because I love you, Janet. All right, Costello, you met Janet solo. Oh, but I can't play the piano. Oh, but Costello, you must play. You see, I'll get very close to you. I can't play the piano. My arms around you like this. I'll get it. I can't play the piano. But Costello, don't you see? I'll kiss you like this. Comes a landing bar. And standing upright in her stern, guiding her in is the Coast Guardman. They've got what it takes, these helmsmen of the invasion barges, and so is their cigarette, camels, first with men in all the services according to actual sales records. Yes, and wherever our men land, we're sending camels often by the ton, and when they get there, camel cigarettes are fresh, cool smoking and slow burning, because they're packed to go around the world. Yes, freshness is one reason why more people want camels now, and another is more flavor, the result of camel's expert blending of costlier tobaccos. So remember, if your store is sold out today, try tomorrow. Camel cigarettes are worth asking for again. C-A-F-E-R-S. Camel cigarettes. Camel tobacco standard is the same, for soldier, for civilian, anywhere in the world. Many a rich in the orchestra with a lovely new song, Speak Low. Try to teach you something. Now, first we start with the scale. Of course, you know the scaling. Now, do you know what goes from dough to dough? Okay, now the first note of the scale is dough. Now, if there's dough, then comes ray, and after ray comes me. What are you doing in this? I don't mean the me, that means me. No? No, I mean the me, that means me. Now you're talking, scale starts with dough. Then comes ray, me, and so. From dough to dough. There's dough on the top and dough on the bottom. I send for a music teacher to give you a lesson. And he should be here any minute. I can play a minute. Come in. Ah, Professor Nazarro. I was just talking about you. I want you to meet my friend Lou Costello. So this is why little pupil, eh? Why? But he has nice feet, white feet. You're looking at the piano. Professor Costello has to learn to play the piano in a hurry. Yes, in a hurry. You know, because I promised you, I can teach you a no sign. Now, just sit down here at the piano. I'll place your right hand over the black keys. Good. And when you start to play, you bring out all the little salad faucets every day. And if the keys go through them, I will solve. You just have her over the same remark with me. So that's why you come over. You take your left hand, place it over the white keys, and simply run your melodies up with the cost of salad being the best. Now, as you come back and start playing, those little melodies will bring out the cost of the bellard faucets. And strike for the bass. Not the real faucets. Don't bring your bass to salad. Just lay out the board to say it. You're held by a piano griddle with a counterpittle with a hit mist at McMagdinde's and the forklift to the right. Do you see what I mean? Yes, I see what you mean. It's very plain, but I mean, why don't you pay attention? He's trying to teach you something. Certainly. After all, I just told you to sit down at the piano and merely tender for a break. Now, I don't care if you play bass or music or other, or even a silver bill到了 bill. But I want you to be sure to play for for the counterpike and bring out the counterforce to step. That's my method and it's my secret. Okay, Costello, I'll have you know that I played the piano by ear. You want to get caught between the cracks? Costello, will you please stop instilling the man? Professor Nazello is a great pianist. Oh yes, I've played for that great artist, El Sinetti. Did you ever hear him sing our sweet mystery of Taliban in most of the suburb of the suburb? Or Genie with a light-bound, flat-fangin' vessel, but Genie, all of us are about to see the truth. Dislead and done. Shorten and split. You mean short and split? No, split. Well, I'll move over and let the professor sit down and teach you something. Yes. Now, the fundamental of playing the piano was three chords. The first chord is wind. The second chord is my first. And the third is Guadeloupe. It's as simple as frying an egg. I don't like the way you're squabbling. Now, Costello, suppose you try the same chords. The first is wind. You've been made for false phonometric groups. You've been made for false phonometric groups. Why do you fight with a man? He knows what he's doing. Yes, I can make that piano talk. I'm teaching the piano. I've never heard of a person telling him he was supposed to play with pipes. You take me and think that I was following me instead of the feeling of playing all my things? Fuck it, babe. Fortune for politics. Play for Jeanette Bland and I. Get camels. They've gotten more flavor. The result of expert blending of costlier tobaccos. And more flavor is what helps camel cigarettes hold up pack after pack. Prove that in your T-zone. T for taste and throat. Your own proving ground for camel's rich flavor and smooth extra mildness. And remember, camel cigarettes stay fresh. Cool smoking and slow burning because they're packed to go around the world. Camel cigarettes. They're first in the service. They've got what it takes. Pistol packing mama. Pistol packing mama. Mm-hmm. Is that a new song? There you go. Look, I'll tell you what I can do. There are two pianos here. I'll put a screen around one of them and then get behind the screen in our place. You will be able to see me. And she'll pick at you. All right, kid. Then I'll sit at the other piano and Janet will think that I'm playing. That's it. Are we gonna fool her? Hey, place some number. You know, let me hear how it sounds. Go ahead. All right. What I can do, take it or leave it. How are we gonna know when to start and stop? When you say all right the first time, I'll start playing. And when you say all right the second time, I'll stop playing. Oh, now let me get it. All right, that means the first time you start. That's right. Then the second time you say all right, that means you're gonna stop. That's when you say it. Would you mind having one rehearsal? All right, we'll try it once. Yeah, let's do it. All right. You're here. You don't know what your piano playing is going to do to my concert. Oh, yes, I do. Now, Costello, I think I'll just sit down here beside you on the bench. I want to wash your fingers. Don't shake beside me, kids. First, I want you to play Prokofius Prelude in A minor. She made it. What's that? During an amphibious assault at the Mediterranean, the infantry landing craft from which stewards made Jefferson was serving, grounded on an unchartered sandbar. Although subjected to continuous enemy fire from machine guns, mortars, and artillery, Jefferson volunteered to swim through the surf with lifelines and anchors and contributed materially to the successful landing of the troops. In your honor, Stuart, mate David Jefferson, the makers of camels are sending to our Navy men in the Atlantic 300,000 camel cigarettes to make of the week, send 300,000 camel cigarettes overseas. The total of more than a million camel sent free each week. In this country, the traveling camel caravan to thank audiences of more than three and a half million yanks with free shows and free camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States four times a week, a short way to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Gary Moore and Jelly Durante, Saturday to Bob Hawkin thanks to the yanks. Monday to Blondie, and next Thursday to Aberdeen Costello with their guest, Miss Carmen Miranda. We're a little late, folks. So, good night. See you next week. Be sure to tune in next week for another great Aberdeen Costello show with our special guest, Carl Sinaugh and Gary Grant, and remember, camel cigarettes are packed to go around the world.