 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic the five Secret thoughts a man has when he's totally into you when he's totally in you. This is what he's thinking Already really quickly if you're brand new to my channel Please do me a favor hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content And if you like this video, please smack that like button Some more people get to see it because the more likes the more YouTube share So I hope this resonates with you All right We're gonna jump into our topic really fast because that's the way I like to roll and we're gonna talk about the five Secret thoughts a man has when he's really really into you when he's totally into you so um and Some of what I'm about to share is from my own personal experiences as well as experiences. I've heard from other men So I think the first one we should address which is one of the most popular topics That's talked about when it comes to understanding men Is that when we really like you we want to be your hero? We want to be your hero We want to do things so you can look at us with Respect with admiration with adoration. I'm a Leo So if you're familiar with the five love languages one of the I think the first first one mentioned is words of Affirmation and as Leo's kind of like at the word of adoration Really quickly if you're on right now, please post a comment So I know people are here and smack that like button All right So we want to be your hero and I'm thinking of a particular case where I was in a relationship with a woman a significant relationship after my divorce where You know relationship is going good I'm really into her and I wanted to like I said be her hero and there was a case where She had two big dogs and her she had two big or not big dogs, but she had golden retrievers pretty good sized dog I think they were like 65 80 pounds could have been a little more than that and when she got dog food They were 50 pound bag dog food So one of the things I did early on in our relationship is I knew she was running low on dog food I went to the pet store and bought two big bags a hundred pounds of dog food. She didn't know about it I just wanted to surprise her because I knew this was you know, it was heavy for her to bring them in You know, I'm not that she couldn't do it Maybe there were 25 pound bags. Now they think about 50 pound would have been pretty heavy But I think there were 25 pound Bags of food and when I delivered it she was so happy. She was so excited. I could be her hero I could be the one that says oh Jonathan, thanks so much for being my hero You know carrying these in for me and doing this for me And when a man is totally into you these are the kind of things he does to demonstrate that he genuinely cares about you. I Think this is an obvious one. You've heard this before now I know a lot of you ladies are going where is this guy? Where is this guy who wants to be my hero like it? We're going to talk about that in the Q&A so we can we can address that But let's just focus on those guys who are into you and I know you're frustrated as hell because you're so used to the Opposite guys who aren't into you. So we're going to turn this around as well And what I mean to say is we're going to cover this as well in today's live stream So that's number one number two um What did I write down? I got to look at what I wrote down. Uh, so There's a there's a seek these are secret thoughts These are thoughts that we don't necessarily share Is that we might have a fear that you're going to leave us? This is a secret thought we don't share this Publicly, but we have this fear that if especially when we were with a woman that we're really excited with We might have even put her up on a pedestal if you will We have this fear that she might leave us And what this causes us to do is try a little bit harder Try a little bit harder when this fear is activated Now sadly a lot of dating advice is centered around reverse psychology and creating tension in the relationship So a lot of women have been told to keep their distance Keep their space from a guy to make him wanting to crave you and want more But what that's doing is activating his fear of loss Okay, his fear of loss and while we might try harder temporarily in those cases I'm talking about genuinely men who are into you not the men that are pulling away and you have to play this Game of pulling away from him to bring him back. I'm talking about men who genuinely care about you We have this innate fear that you might leave us and that does make us try a little bit harder Ideally though a healthy happy relationship is one of a two lane street Both people are traveling at the same pace. It's not one ahead of the other You're kind of on the same train track if you will at traveling at the same pace of liking each other getting to know each other Learning about each other and there doesn't have to be this game playing But I will tell you secretly speaking When we really like someone we're afraid they're going to leave us By the way, I notice a bunch of people are on right now Please hit that like button if oh and I'm sharing with you is resonating with you. I'd really appreciate it that way more people get to see this Okay, the third thing and this is something I've heard from a few men And and I know I've kind of been in this boat myself So this is not something that's just mine. I've heard this from a number of men Men are well men inherently are territorial. We're very Territorial when we have a partner Now sadly, this is because from a caveman perspective. We were literally conditioned to treat women as property I mean throughout history women were considered chattel or property throughout history So we are very territorial from a biological sense And one of the things that happens when we're territorial Territorial is that we might be jealous of your friends. We might be jealous of your friends And what that means is if you're if you're if you're spending time with your friends And that's taking away from a relationship from someone that we really like we might be internally feeling fear Now that's all on us. That's not your responsibility I'm just sharing with you. This is what might be happening inside a guy Who is totally into you and so you might have seen where they might stalk your social Media pages and such just to see what's going on with your friends Certainly if it's male friends, this could be even more problematic But I will tell you that men are territorial and we might secretly be jealous of your friends It's not a healthy thing. I'm just pointing out something that does happen Now the fourth piece that we're going to lean in today really piggybacks on the other two because what I just demonstrated is fear or insecurity Very insecurity and what's happening there is neediness is coming out So one of the secret thoughts that happen within us when we're when we're in this needy space Whether it's you're with your friends or you know, you know, we like you a lot and whatever and we want you all to ourselves Is we a secret thought is we're we are also being conditioned Internally not been conditioned, but we're we do our best to condition ourselves to play it cool play it cool Which is so hard when we're into someone in fact when we're really into I know when I'm into when I'm excited about someone when I'm You know enthusiastic about someone when I'm feeling limerence. I'm incredibly demonstrative and I'm effusive And that might come out as a lot of enthusiasm Which might seem needy so I have to balance the space of Showing my enthusiasm that I like you a lot and trying to play it cool at the same time Now players people who naturally are playing off of women. They just operate from a place of holding space. In other words, they they're not even feeling needy They're not even feeling enthusiasm. They might demonstrate some levels of enthusiasm But they're playing it really close to the vest because they don't want to show any emotions because when They leave you and I'm talking about players in particular They can be honest to themselves saying hey, I didn't show her any enthusiasm. I was into her. I didn't let her on You know, although players are often incredibly charming and charismatic But what they're doing is playing they're playing it cool because They're really not that into you. They're just expressing it to get that initial um Conquest And then once they're finished with that conquest, they're on to the next one the next one the next one I know you're very familiar with players and we can certainly teach you how to spot those guys much quicker That's what I do in my private coaching So if you're interested in that I would check out the link to a free discovery call in the description To schedule a call with me to learn I can teach you how to vet for those emotionally available men versus those men who are Most likely going to play you and I don't like even saying that but I think you get the gist All right. I hope you're liking this so far. Please hit that like button. I'd truly be grateful So excited for the amount of people here. I can see the comments I don't have my glasses on so i'm not reading yet But I really appreciate and we're going to take questions in just a few minutes And now we're going to share the fifth secret thought and by the way, I came up with five today. There's hundreds, okay So there's a variety of different ways of looking at this just happens to be one of them Oh, by the way, since it's uh five o'clock, it's happy hour and this is my moscow mule So I hope you have a cocktail right now hmm oof Wow, okay our fifth one. What did I write down? Oh Now this is a secret thought but when we're really into you We are definitely thinking this on the inside and that is Can I or will I will will high? Can I or will I be able to please her in bed? Can I or will I be able to please her in bed? This is so Engrained in us that are really into someone because when we really like someone we want to be able to please them in the bedroom and we're thinking about it and Hopefully if you're with a man who's actually learned some sexual techniques other than pump and oh my god I didn't want to I was going to say pump and dump that just sounds so crude But I think you know what I mean and a lot of men are literally only in their own pleasure But when a man really likes you we actually want you to be pleased. We want you to have an orgasm We want and we're going to do whatever we can to make that happen And those are the five secret thoughts just some of the secret thoughts men have when they're really into you Now I'm sure you have a lot to say about this so we're going to take questions in a second In fact really quickly. I'm going to read the board to see what's coming up. Absolutely right Players are just the men who treat you like another notch on the bed post exactly. That's true cherry Thank you all The dog food bags are way more than I can lift and I can't even lift a bag Big package of drinking water. Thanks. I appreciate that. All right Now it's time for our q&a. Please post a question for the next depending on how many questions we come in I'm going to be answering questions right now for you. That's the fun part of these lives Is to have a dialogue and let's just jump into it now before we do we have a Movie quiz. Oh, it looks backwards. Um movie quiz Um, can I talk more about needing this? I will okay, so our movie quiz question is Which film contains the line you should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how I'm going to repeat that Which film contains the line you should be kissed and often by somebody who knows how For someone who knows this is an older film. So let's see who gets this right All right, let's talk. Kathy asks. Can you talk more about neediness? When is it a red flag? And beth no, it's not bolder. Um, okay, so but it's close. I think there is something very close to that in bolder um so When is it? Well, when is re well a red flag merely means Ask more questions. So when you're experienced something that creates doubt in you That's a red flag and a red flag means so I want you different green flag go yellow flag Kind of like a pause red flag ask questions And then the fourth is deal breaker. So for example, for me, one of my deal breakers is someone who's a smoker That's just a deal breaker. It's not a red flag. That's a deal breaker um Someone who smokes marijuana. Listen, I live in california. That's not a deal breaker for me Now if they're a habitual person that does it 24 7 that's a deal breaker So the red flag would be to watch i'm using that as an example watch the habit and see How that manifests itself in their daily life. So for me, I'm totally cool with the occasionally of it again I live in california But if it's a habitual thing that might be a deal breaker for me the red flag it would be just to notice What they're, you know, just notice what they're doing. I'm picking a really obscure one. I'm trying to think of other red flags um red flags for men Ladies you're just gonna have to post what upsets you because everybody is different what their deal breakers are and what they're red You know, what is a red flag for you? I think what's going back to neediness though is It's natural for men to be enthusiastic. Okay, and even the coolest guy is enthusiastic It's needy When you're feeling pressure when you're feeling overwhelmed from them That's when it's most likely needy when you're feeling overwhelmed From their actions. That's a time to take a step back and ask yourself and have a dialogue really Neediness is really from a place of insecurity because they don't believe and ladies you you're the queens of neediness Okay, so it's that belief that it doesn't there the trust hasn't been built So what's most important is to build the layers of trust So someone feels safe. So they don't have to feel insecure and or needy. All right Hope I answered that. Thank you so much. Um All right Yes, jane got it right gone with the wind Uh, is there okay? Jess writes is there any technique that a woman can use to help or suspend judgment? When first meeting a guy and he says something that makes her uncomfortable example guy has a 24 year old nanny so Well, first off, I think most nannies are younger people. So I don't Understand the judgment around that what I think is I actually would be more concerned of Well, I'd be concerned about the judgment in and of itself But I'd also be concerned of what's your fear going around around someone who has that So there's two things going on a judgment about the person's age Who's the nanny but then the fear that you might be experiencing that they have a nanny that age Um, so let me read that question a little bit. So how do we suspend judgment? That's a really tricky one because judgments are I once did a facebook post. Why am I so judgmental of people who are judgmental? You know judgments are comparisons judgments are I think judgments are quite frankly our ego's way of trying to be superior to another human being So how do we suspend that? Superiorness to another human being is actually see that human being as an equal to ourselves Let me repeat that seeing that human being as an equal to ourselves And that way when we see them as an equal, we don't have you know, I I just don't I think And this is just from my own perspective as we see them as an equal There's nothing to judge because we see ourselves another human being and quite frankly We can oftentimes be judgment judgmental of people because we see things in them They don't we don't like which is really something within ourselves that we don't like Let me repeat that we see something in them We don't like which is really a reflection of ourselves is something we don't like today This is why I highly recommend the book Reading the book the untethered soul by michael singer the untethered soul by michael singer This will so help you when it comes to judgments. I can't begin to tell you how valuable this book is And while you're at it, if you're going to be buying books, you got to check out my book called what the heck is self love anyway by Jonathan Asley By the way, links are below to all the books I recommend Why recommend this book is because it's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can actually start breaking down those things that cause judgment and makes us more compassionate Compassionate to human beings. In fact, there's a new book. I'll be sharing with everybody That I highly recommend called self-compassion It piggybacks on my book because through self-compassion We can actually avoid judging other human beings because judgment of other human beings in my perception Is most likely making ourselves out better than them Hence we judge them and oftentimes we judge them for the things we don't like in ourselves All right. Hope I answered that question all right Christine Christina wait Christine right right Christina How to interact with a partner who may not be as intellectually compatible lol well Goes back to what I just said Intellectually compatible You know, it's interesting. I worked with a woman years ago who was a smart strong successful You know banker type woman and she had a high IQ and she dated a man who was Basically, he was a white collar person in a blue collar job He had a white collar job in a blue collar company And so she looked at him very blue collar and she didn't look at him very intellectually stimulating You know what's fascinating was By the way, the best relationship she ever had he was attentive. He wanted to be her hero He wanted to please her in bed, you know, he had some of the insecurities we talked about But what was most important is it wasn't about his intellect. It was about his heart That's what she appreciated most and so at the end of the day You know, I I'm a big believer of just evaluating someone's heart and while it's important to be Um, you know intellectually stimulated you don't have to be with a servant to be happy And quite frankly most people have opinions and thoughts about people when we just invoke the conversation And that's really my invitation for you is just invoke conversation and see where it takes you doesn't have to be You know, it doesn't have to be like at some like I said servant level You just have to want to talk to one another and that's the most stimulating conversation of all in my book. All right um Smoking and heavy drinking. Yes lisa Drinking every night red flags smoking a deal breaker. Those are certainly ones for me Um, how do you deal with men who make assumptions about me without even knowing anything about me? It seems I keep running into men who want to dismiss me before even knowing much about me so First off We all have innate filters You know, it's manner women are like we in the dating realm. We will pass on look at I can go on my I can go on my bumble lap And I can make snap judge. This is bumble. Look at that I think you could see it. There's bumble. I can swipe right or swipe left without knowing anything about this person It's just instantaneous, right? So oftentimes we make snap judgments snap comparisons Based on how we feel and so we don't really know a person in fact. I get judged Significantly based on the you know, the rhetoric that comes out of my mouth and they don't even know me personally They don't know about the loss of my son Connor. They don't know about You know have it was at a point in my life where I almost wanted to commit. Oh, well I was at a point in my life where I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up They don't know anything about me. They just see the surface This is very true in the dating realm We make quick judgments men or women alike based on how we feel and it's not a judgment of you It's just not a feeling of alignment for whatever reason So Lisa, I just want to shift the narrative and looking at it as a and I'm not suggesting you're a victim But I want you to be careful because it feels like victim consciousness People make quick judgments. You make quick judgments. Everybody watching this is making quick judgments all the time in their life It's just very natural So What do you do about it? You you talk to the people that you feel aligned with and they talk with you Because here's the thing you could you could swipe right to a hundred people And not one of them be interested in you for one reason or another and then the next day you get 10 people are interested in you Sometimes it works that way. I just wouldn't necessarily characterize it that they are You know, they don't know anything about you because it's very natural to make quick sap judgments In this dating realm. Okay. By the way, if you're enjoying this, please hit that like button and please share this with friends All right, uh next Karen writes if a guy Does things for me yet doesn't ask me out? Is he just doing things for me because it gives him validation when I thank him and compliment him Okay, well Why aren't you asking him out? Why is it that the why is the expectation the man has to do it? You could simply say, hey, would you like to go out for coffee? Hey, would you like to grab a drink together? Now? Why is he doing things? He likes you Does that mean he wants to be in relationship with you? You have no idea This is why if you want to go out to dinner with them If you want to have a drink with them if you want to have coffee with them It's absolutely okay for you to do that Can I tell you that nearly one third of women in happy healthy relationships have literally initiated the dating process? one third So it's now two thirds men initiate, but it's okay to initiate. It isn't one percent of women It's a significant percent of women. So make the effort. See what he says and go from there by the way, Jen The new you know the kids of today women are very You know empowered today. I love the 20 and 30 year old women today because they're empowered They're not caught up with the old bullshit of the of the baby boom gen X you know Generation where we were from society Stereotype into how things should be there are no rules By the way, if you want to read a great book, where is my book? Oh here read this book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated This is a no rules way of dating Throw out the penis and gina gender rules and date from the heart. You can ask him out That's my invitation for you. By the way, I'm only yelling just like a drilled sergeant yells to make sure you hear everything I'm also yelling because just like a child about to touch fire. I want to make sure you hear this All right Heart and soul that was very helpful, thank you And there is at least nine types of intellect. I did not know that that's rights Lisa writes by the way, thank you. That's true. Jonathan. We all judge others exactly. How can I get a 33 year old guy? Take me seriously as a 20 year old. He makes our conversation He makes our conversation sexual towards the end, but I never give in. How do I make him take me seriously? You know I'm gonna guess at a 33 year old. We'll look at a 20 year old and probably not take them seriously in general just because um, you're literally not even an adult yet I mean, yes, you you're 20 years old. You're legally an adult, but think about it I was thinking about when my son was 16 He wasn't an adult when he was 18 He was legally adult, but he didn't have much adult experience in his life He's now 24 and he's got what I consider He's not even been an adult. He graduated college at age 22 and he's still dependent upon us It takes a half a decade or so to really become into our own So it's not uncommon that we look at significantly younger people That way, especially when they haven't had much life experience doesn't necessarily mean you're not an old soul or anything like that It's just the inherent the more years you've been on the planet the more we you you get You know, it's it's being that adult space Means you have to be out there for a while. So how do you get them to take you seriously? By treating him seriously and if you treat him seriously now if he's more focused on sex You know, what do you why do you want him anyway? I guess that's my question Why do you want him tell me that answer or ask answer that question? All right Okay, I hope that answers your question All right, captain writes I prefer common sense Life intelligence over book smart. I do too. So which oh captain writes talks about common sense versus book smart I know lots of people who are book smart that I can't stand because they're more focused on You know being right than having a real dialogue with me. That's the one thing I've noticed about people who are overly intellectual. They always have to be right. That's just my perception of them I'm not saying that's true, but that's I like people that are more common Common sense smart if you will that that was connor connor look at it's interesting So there's calling my oldest graduated magna cum laude Connor Struggled by the way for those who don't know I lost my 19-year-old son connor in an accident a couple years ago He wasn't book smart He was a genius. He could put things together. He had a brilliant mind, but he struggled mightily in school That actually now breaks my heart because I know he would have struggled as an adult Because he would have been judged for not being smart and yet he was brilliant in so many different ways And it breaks my heart because he struggled reading and writing Not because there was anything wrong with him. It's just that was the way he was born and so It it really breaks my heart to think how much we judge human beings based on their intelligence And for some like colin was blessed, you know, I can't it's interesting how god gave me kind of From this perspective to I don't even want to say opposites, but differences and And it just hurts me how much we judge people based on intelligence when most people we should judge them on their not judge them but Evaluate them based on their heart And not by whether or not they know how to spell your your your your I fucking I screw that up all the time I screw up your your your your okay I'm a human being I make mistakes and yet We you know, we get judged for little things like that And this is why we're in a stupid fucking cancel culture and all this other crap because of heavy duty judgments And a lack of compassion For humanity in one another and I'm getting on a political rant here, which I'm going to stop in a second But I'm really I'm really fed up with the amount of ridiculous judgments human beings Let's start operating from loving ourselves first and then loving everyone else. It's one of the chapters in my book Chapter six about loving humanity. Let's start with loving humanity. Okay. I'm done with my rant. I hope you don't mind All right, uh, thank you Taking care, okay, so um Carrie writes, uh Talking of the younger people. Why are they so needy to dating sites? Why are they so needy to the dating sites rather than going out and meeting people? Um, so I'm just let's go back to my son Colin So he his professional life. He's not surrounded by any single eligible people He doesn't go out to bars. That's not his thing um And so in his daily life, he meets nobody For the most part. He works with children. He's a tutor by the way If you need a tutor for your child, please let me know. He does zoom tutoring for children ages, uh, six to 21 he does tutoring. He's also a master at french. Remember I said magna cum laude. Okay, so um Look at he uses dating sites because it's the only vehicle to meet people the reality is is Unless you're surrounded by single eligible people these days. It's rare that we're going to meet someone Organically, I know it sounds really sexy and everybody talks about it and yet nearly I want to say if not more than 50 of all new relationships for people over 45 years old are happening through an online connection So let's just understand that this is the way we meet people and rather than judge it. Let's just accept it It's not good or bad. It's just a spoke in the wheel. Okay Um Evelyn writes which dating sites would you recommend to a professional female who just turned 60 yet looks significantly younger So match.com happens to be the biggest and most popular They own almost every other site anyway, so there's okay cupid match.com. Um, there is uh I'm not a fan of plenty of fish just because I'm not a fan of it Um, I just didn't like how it the functionality of the site was Certainly e harmony is a is a good site. The problem is there's so few people to join it. I'm a I use bumble I use hinge. I'm on tinder. Everybody says well jonathan. They're pickup sites No, they're just a spoke in the wheel and if you're 60 years old There's plenty of 60 year old people on the dating apps as well as match.com And our time and there's another app called stitch stitch for people over 50 years old Um, so google that you might want to check that out. Hope I answered your question Um, jenna writes jonathan. I I made a comment the other day. Why is it that sometimes when a man When men get to know me they panic and say you're too good for me How do I help people with low health self-esteem? Well So you're too good for me First say thank you. Thank you now I'm starting with thank you because rather than criticize or judge Let's lean into it. Thank you for feeling that way Can I ask you what's coming up for you that makes you feel that way that i'm too good for you Has is it something is there something in my personality that's making you feel that way? Or is that something within yourself and let's talk about it? Use our lips. Use our mouth. By the way highly recommend. Where is it this book? Nonviolent communication by marshall rozenberg. It should be noted as called compassionate communication Ask questions. What's coming up for you? What's coming up for you that causes you to say that because I think you're a wonderful human being and I consider us you know Contemporaries I consider ourselves equal now Sometimes men say that as their escape clause to exit out of a relationship later on down the road It's an excuse to say that that way because they're pre-planning their exit That's all that can be the case Or they genuinely I was in a relationship where I put a woman up on a pedestal who she was a doctor You know, she had her own television show. I did feel insecure Now I didn't show it just like when I shared the what did I say that the The number fifth thing is how to play it cool. Don't show your neediness. I did my best not to show it But inside I was feeling that way and that's not an uncommon feeling for men Um How do I help people with low self-esteem? Encourage them be their cheerleaders. Tell them how wonderful you think they are If it's sincere and from the heart do not bullshit someone just for the sake of making them feel good I did a I did a youtube video called stop being nice to guys and nice means telling People not what you really think and I'm here to say speak your truth as I talk about in my book speak your truth Just do it with kindness And do it from the heart, okay Lisa writes and then you get into your 50s and guys your age want younger women So it is not uncommon that men in their 50s want younger women It's not uncommon for women in their 50s to want younger men. This is a very common thing Okay, my last significant relationship. She would kill me She was 10 years older than me. She'll kill me for saying this um so My last relationship was older than me. I had relationships younger than me Not all men want younger women not all women want, you know, older men or younger men or whatever This is just what we feel attracted to now Sometimes we want younger people because they come to the table with a lot less luggage The older people get they sometimes come with luggage. So that might be a reason. Here's the thing You can focus on what's wrong Or you can focus on what you want Rather than focusing on what you don't like or what you don't want focus on what you do want I'm going to give you a perfect analogy Um, sadly tiger woods gotten a car accident literally a few miles from where I live Okay, tiger woods one of the probably the greatest golfer that ever lived Okay. Now when he goes up and plays golf, he doesn't think to himself. Oh god I hope I don't have a shitty round. I hope I don't have a shitty round. I hope I don't have a shitty round He's thinking how I'm he's thinking in his head. How am I going to have the best round? How am I going to have the best round? He doesn't focus on what's wrong He doesn't focus on. Oh my god. There's water in front of me. Ah He's like, how can I get it on the green? That's so you have a choice lisa and everyone else you can focus on what's wrong Or focus on what you want because it definitely takes one man and let me tell you something If I date an older woman, there are plenty of men who dated older women as well or women their own age Or women one year younger two years older. It doesn't matter focus on what you want and not What you think men want In fact, let me stop there for a second. By the way, if this is resonating with you hit that like button Hit that like button hit that like button um ladies Stop giving your power away to men it who gives a shit if men want younger women What matters most is what you want Don't focus on what they want focus on what you want. Sadly, I shoot these videos based on helping you understand men Because you wouldn't watch videos if they were empowerment for you You guys are fascinated with men. Why do men do this and why do men do that? I'm like, who gives a fuck what men do care about what you're doing Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please post a comment below. All right. We're going to do another movie quiz All right, this is going to be an easy one Which film contains the line you had me at hello Which film contains the line you had me at hello that one's an easy one All right, let's see our next questions. Um He says we're both adults and insinuates to us going out that wait because I like him Sorry, I don't get your questions, sarah um, all right jonathan Sorry, there's lots of oh my gosh, you know, you might have to buy a super chat because there's a lot coming in right now And this way I get to see it um Okay kim writes, what do you think of a guy that wants to go out? But not but you wants to go out with you But all he talks about is sex but says he wants to find love outside of sex Why do you care? Why do we care about guys who do this if a guy only cares about his sex? Why do you care about him? That's the question I have kim. Why are you can care about him? Okay Why not care about you? self-love Sorry, I get kind of uh, stop caring about what they're thinking care about what you're thinking Okay, most of those okay christian writes most of those who judge others have been judge themselves. Yes Well, you know, we are human beings are judgmental people And we gotta stop putting our you know because it's superiority that causes us to judge others You know, I'm here to say, you know, we're all on the same playing field. We're all fucked up It's just a matter of degrees In fact, I highly recommend reading this book how to be an adult in relationship This is how you learn how not to judge by becoming an adult in fact You know, I've got this little chart here. It says parent adult child parent adult child You know A parent, you know an adult treats people with love and compassion A child is always me me me me me and the parent is being superior to a child This is why this this narrative of Of judgment is always based on some ideology that we're superior to someone else. Let's just stop that fucking rhetoric Okay, that's just how I feel about it By the way, I do curse yes, and it's just to enhance a sentence I watch, you know, I watch john oliver on sunday night He curses all the time and he doesn't get any complaints or maybe he does. I don't know. All right. Ari, right? I had many great video dates with a guy, but after our first in-person meet. He said there's no chemistry He was into me. What is it? What is this chemistry men speak up? ooh I I don't if I'm a little worried that you don't know what chemistry is because all right every lady here knows what Chemistry is chemistry is that feeling you get when you're excited around someone and you could by the way ladies You can talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and face time All you want to a guy before you meet until you actually meet it isn't real And even then it takes a hundred hours of face-to-face time before you even enter the first layer of a Relationship so all this talk and zoom and everything It's not going to amount to about this by the way never do this in front of a guy Don't do this in front of a guy do this You want this? It amounts to about this okay so Ari um what that means the chemistry I You better talk to your girlfriends because everybody knows what chemistry means and if you don't then you have to do a little bit of research on your um Okay, I'm not cherry rights I'm not judging in any way my two youngest sons use dating sites and I want to understand their needs more Okay, again cherry what I said is most likely they're not surrounded by single eligible women And so they're using dating sites is their opportunity to meet them That's what I said before and I don't I pretty much feel that way is why younger people do it While older people will do it why everybody does it Uh Bobby says I love your big brother approach. Thank you. Yes. I'm your big brother I'm here to protect you from the bad guys and get you married as soon as possible so I can move into the family estate That's mine. That's what I say in my coaching. It's called heart centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of hearts all right Generites mostly it's within themselves lately Latest guys having a lot of troubles with his parents nothing to do with us per se Just a lot of family drama. Hey, look at part of the dating process as we age is All of our luggage and our family is a part of that luggage. So it's not uncommon That people are going through some chaos in their life that they make the ground underneath them doesn't feel very stable So it's not uncommon that they act in a chaotic way That is why it's it makes sense to date people who have at least a solid foundation underneath them And if they're going through a lot of chaos in their life, they're not necessarily the best person to be in relationship I'm not saying you're not capable of being in relationship with them You just have to be mindful that if the ground underneath them isn't solid Then it's hard to build a house on a weak foundation all right Jonathan, how do I deal with a grumpy man all of his friends and family like me and say they don't understand why he's being like this you know, I think grumpiness is um Is a lack of self-love when someone's grumpy. There's probably something going on inside of them Most likely there's a childhood wound and trauma that hasn't been healed Let me repeat that there's been a childhood wound and trauma that hasn't been healed This is one of the reasons why I recommend doing the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas given this book and see if he's still grumpy Um, all right, let's take our next question Um, they say there was chemists. They saw there was chemistry with us Wait, oh, let me go back They okay, this is jane's a follow-up says okay. They saw that there was chemistry with us I know he's got a childhood issues to work out. I didn't read that and he goes to therapy Which is really good, but I backed off a lot. Am I doing the right thing? You know checking with your heart jane it's not your job it's it's I'm a big proponent that if you're gonna if the penis gets to go inside the vagina on a regular basis Okay, if the penis gets to go inside the vagina on a regular basis Then I'm a big believer of two people Co-creating the relationship Let me repeat that co-creating in other words being intentional Co-creating the relationship that I grabbed the book. No, I didn't But I do recommend this book Eight dates by dr. John Gottman If you guys if he gets to have sex with you then the two of you should be reading this Together and this is how you co-create a relationship Stop leaving it up to the guy Take charge of your life. You're in charge of your destiny Don't leave it up to the guy and if he doesn't want to do it Then he doesn't get to get the penis doesn't get to go inside the vagina on a regular basis Read this book together if this is resonating with you. Please hit that like button. I'd really appreciate it. All right Um, I hope that helps jane Jennifer writes, how do you date more than one person without feeling deceitful? I don't want to get too focused on one person too quickly. I don't want to feel like i'm doing something wrong Jennifer great question You're not going to like my answer. I am not a big proponent on dating multiple people. Let me tell you why I think it'd be really disingenuous if a woman I meet on a first date And I like her and she likes me and I ask her out on a second date And I like her and she likes me and I ask her out on a third date She likes me and I like her but then on the fourth date. I let her know by the way I'm dating five other women at the same time. Are you okay with that? She'll be pissed. She'd be pissed. She just invested three dates with me. She thought I was serious somebody I'm now I think I'm a big proponent of giving one person a chance one person at a time now Not I'm talking about dating not meeting you can meet as many people as you want at the same time But the minute you begin dating someone date one person at a time because here's the thing How will you feel if the same thing happened to you? That's my answer to that question And if it feels wrong if you you would feel shitty that a guy did it to you Then why would you do it to a guy and I understand you've been taught to duty date and circular date? I think that's fucking bullshit advice. I think it's the most unhealthy advice out there But that's my perception. You have to do what's best for you Oh, wow, okay We have lots and lots and lots jerry maguire. Yes, everybody got that right Uh, thank you. Jenny. You like my bluntness. Um All right Beatrice writes my daughter's teacher texts me almost every day. I'm not sure if he doesn't ask Ask me out because he is my daughter's teacher or because of covet. How do I ask without scaring him away? He texts me almost every day. I'm not sure if he doesn't I'm not sure if he doesn't ask me out How do I Well, just ask him out for coffee. I mean, I'm not sure if that's inappropriate or not just say Would you like to meet for coffee? And if he says no, then you got your answer It's as simple as that Although I don't know about the professional legalities of this. I don't think teachers are precluded from dating a student Parent but ask him out say hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime? Simple as that Okay, um someone wrote if harry met Sally that is not the answer Okay, ac writes I've been with someone for almost a year and we've had not had success in the bed I'm afraid it will be our demise. Please help. I feel such a soul connection with him so That's a really tough one And I'm a big proponent of being in by the way, so there's a chapter in the book eight dates There's a chapter in the book here. Let me find it It's called Let's get it on sex and intimacy right there. Look at these are the chapters of the book Okay, sex and intimacy number date number three So I'm a big proponent of doing tantra Doing kamisutra. Maybe even seeing a sex therapist. I I've known couples that have seen a sex therapist I'm a big proponent of having conversations and talking about this ladies. I want you to imagine something What if this is the other way around the man doesn't feel satisfied in the bedroom with you? What would you want? What would you want? Reverse it Ask yourself that question But my invitation is to have a conversation talk about your sex life like two adults adults Talk and have a conversation about it And see if you can move past it and there are plenty of people that can help you with this Just google it because that's not my area of expertise Jennifer writes yes, I want I went out with a man one date had known what? Yes, a man I went out with one date had the nerve to judge older unmarried women Yet he's 53 never married no kids before you judge make sure you are perfect. See again judgment is arrogance meaning superiority Everyone needs them slap them in reality exactly Del Figo writes my da former person my da former person We had never dated has reappeared by watching my ig stories and leaving reactions and likes This is seven months after he deactivated and welcome. How should I approach this? Why are you caring about it? Again ladies, this is why do you care if you want to do? How do you deal with it? Tell me how you want to deal with it. You know what the best way to learn is to ask your higher self I'm sorry. I'm yelling. I'm not trying to be mean it's just How do I approach this? Well, what do you want? Tell me what you want if it bothers you tell them to f off if you want to lead them from your profile If you want to ask them out on a date ask them out on a date Why is it that we're rather than? You know because I get it it's confusing men's actions are confusing But what you're doing is equally confusing take empowerment of your life and not leave it up to him and say what do I want? Those are the questions your questions. You should be leaving for me. Christina writes. Jonathan. How do we deal with people? wait a minute John how do we deal with people who interject in conversation even when it's been brought up as an issue? This is a really good one Get a bullhorn. You know one of those little things that beep, you know they go beep Like and when someone does that fucking stick in their face and do that and say stop interrupting me Does anyone remember watching the debates and how much interruption was going on? I think we should carry little tiny fog horns with us and when someone's being a jackass just put it in their ear Though by the way, how do you train a dog? It's the same way. How do you train? I know that doesn't sound very kind But why not try it? You know like let's stop being so What's the word I'm thinking of dainty around people now? I mean literally use a fog horn and Tell them. Hey, you're interrupting me. Stop it Believe me you do that 10 times with the fog horn. They'll stop Him being da. He's not likely to make the first move. Would he would I be wrong to get the ball rolling? I think I already answered that Bobby Bobby writes friends for over 20 years in and out of each other's lives lost his job broke up with me After an intense six months his mom had marriages Um, and he has a baby boy from marriage three now question. What the heck now? I don't understand your question I completely agree date one person at a time. Thank you Evelyn Elisa writes I agree with you about dating lots of men at once quantum dating is what what feminine energy coaches teach. Yeah Do quantum dating do circular dating and guess what? I will never date a woman who's dating multiple men I will never ever ever date a woman who's dating multiple men if if she can't give me Three if she can't give me um a few dates to decide if we want to explore a relate not a few dates If she can't give me 10 dates to explore a relationship with me Look, let me just be clear if after the third date a woman still needs the field to date other men remember I said men fear of you know I will never put someone on that much of a pedestal that I'll be needy to try to get them to like me If you don't like me on the first second or third date Then go fucking date someone else because I ain't going out with you and guess what I'm not the only guy who feels this way Only needy men or men who have something to prove will chase a woman who's dating multiple people That's my opinion. Anyway, I just tried to check out your website book recommendations list is blank Is there any books on dealing with codependency and would you what would you recommend? Yeah, hold on one second By the way, are you saying my link to the jonathan recommends books doesn't work? I'll fix that Check out the book codependent no more great book on codependency Okay You know, we're coming up on the hour So we're gonna we're gonna do one more trivia question then we're gonna wrap up with one more question I know we've got great questions. I want to thank so much one more trivia question Which three countries does elizabeth? Oh Does elizabeth travel in e pray love in the movie of e pray love elizabeth gilbert What three countries does she travel to in e pray love? Let's see if you get that one right All right, let's take a few more questions Um Okay, jay writes. I have a friend with benefit. He's a high He is high sensitive when we're together. We act like a couple has a lot of things on his mind He's a pilot during covid Finance his kids when do I drop the bomb on the next step? So I I'm assuming you're you're interested in something more serious than friends with benefits Although it sounds like the ground underneath him is rather weak or struggling. He's got financial issues kids everything else So the fact that you even think of it as dropping a bomb Means most likely the two of you aren't on the same page He's wants friends with benefits. You want something different It's simple. You have a conversation with them. I'd like to explore a more deeper Relationship than what we're currently doing. Where are you at? Oh, I just like to keep things friends with benefits Okay, I'm gonna move on You have a choice. This is the you get the choice the red pill or the blue pill you get to decide what road you're traveling So it's not up to the man It's up to you what you want if you want a serious relationship and he doesn't Then why do you want to invest time in someone who doesn't want you what you want? Lady stop giving your power away to men and start taking charge of your life. This is what i'm trying to implore you all to do um Someone says uh 100 agree. Thank you. I joined late. Hope it's yes. It is recorded. Um All right, so italy india and indonesia correct italy india indonesia correct That's the answer to the question So this was an impromptu live That I thought of doing I may start doing this by the way I'm doing a live every friday at two o'clock pacific coast time I might start doing lives on wednesday night because more people get to join seems like it's more fun Uh, this is a blast for me to get to share listen I recognize that I curse I recognize that I shout I recognize that i'm opinionated especially in the area Of the rules based way of dating which is reverse psychology. Oh, I hate this. I want to throw it and beat it up I don't like this reverse psychology doesn't work. What matters most Is falling deeply in love with yourself Falling deeply in love with yourself because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the relationship with yourself And the quality of our as ester parel says the quality of our lives relationships and that starts with yourself I'm here to encourage personal development self-help and spiritual work hence my book what the heck is self-love anyway There's a link below to my book. You can go to self-love the book. I hope you order it I hope you give this to friends. I'd be truly grateful. I hope you share my youtube channel with your friends I would be too so grateful for that and if you'd like some love and support check out my link to my My group called midlife love mastery You can have direct access to me for 20 bucks a month joining my private group And if you want to work with me privately check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with his coaches Right for you. Please hit that like button one more time And we're going to wrap up as we always do. Hey, hold on one second. Stay stay stay For those that know that connor's nickname is salty. I brought salty out to say goodbye to us all I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic draft the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pat or a teddy bear Or stuffed animal and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now Bye. Bye. We love you. Bye. Bye