 W E A F New York of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir Just a moment sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess but Avalon cost you less This is Del King saying welcome to Avalon time with Kurt Massey Edna still well Jeanette the Avalon chorus Bob strong and his Orchestra and radio's redheaded ragamuffin Richard Redskjelton So what one thing makes Avalons entirely different from any other cigarette on the market Do you know why Avalon stand in the class by themselves? Simply one reason Avalons are quality cigarettes that sell for three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands Three to five cents less mind you a repeated saving that will net you many many extra dollars in very short order and Certainly you can use a few extra dollars now and then but bear this in mind friends without knowing you'd never guess Avalons cost you less their union made from a perfect blend of the finest Turkish and domestic Tobacco's that money can buy in fact you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette regardless of price regardless of brand Truly friends Avalons offer you advantages money saving advantages that you will certainly want to take advantage of Why not try a pack of Avalons tonight? In the Fountain of Uselessness We bring you headline hokum as compounded cold cornered coaxed and concocted from current questions by that querulous quixotic quinn duck redskjelton Thank you very much. What a quinnuck. What? Thank you and good evening ladies and gentlemen and now for the gossip news from coast to coast washington dc a famous educator Said that children should be taught more about birds and bees. I agree with them I think that the mother should tell the kids about the bees my mother told me about the bees When I went into vortival, I found out about the birds Building booms in the united states seemed like everybody's building a new house In fact, I just built a little place out in the suburbs the suburbs That's french for a long bus ride I built a very modern home though. In fact, it's so modern. We even have a playroom for the termite Chicago Illinois experts say that women are better drivers than men. They should be they don't have to look at those hats But you know women are getting to be better drivers the other day I saw a woman hold out her hand to make a left turn and so help me. She actually turned left In fact three cops dropped dead I sent it to Ripley. He sent it back says I don't believe it The price of food going up, you know, that's really a fact the other day I bought a t-bone steak It cost me a 50 cents for another dollar. I could have had meat on it Atlantic City, New Jersey a well-known group of child psychologists Decides that if a child is naughty at the dining room table do not spank them on an empty stomach I mean on a full stomach rather turn them over Washington DC the president of the united states called special session of congress One senator was hurrying to washington got indignant because the pulmon porter didn't have his birth ready The porter says how was I to know I thought senators made their own bunk News in the world of sports chicago cubs wins four straight games. That's a misprint if I ever saw one philadelphia, tony galento wins the heavyweight battle from lou nova Last night after the fight tony galento was walking up market street in philadelphia That's havern and one keg neds the other keg and just there's the one with legs. I was telling you about Well, that does about take care of the news for tonight So I'll step aside and let jeanette pour her heart into a song sing it pretty jeanette, but pretty I put my heart Never play in the hit group. It will still contain our Judgment we come to our slice of life a short playlist about things that happen in everyday life Things that you're doing that I do in fact everybody does what's this one about tonight red Well, it's about a young fellow that's in love and he's going to call on his girl She's fixing dinner things and it's their first time alone You set the scene delt all right red the place somewhere in your hometown the time seven o'clock the girl edna stillwell The boy red skelton the dinner haish The girl is at her house fixing the boy is at his house drooling The scene opens at her house Richard's coming over and I think he's gonna ask me to marry him. You mean that goon with a haunted look Or that guy should get married. He's the most married looking single man I ever saw Hey sis, yes, what is it? I think the wrong answer to a maiden's prayer is here Well, let him in I'm putting supper on the table. Okay Hello, darling. How are you sweetheart? Oh, pardon me Yeah, I thought you were edna now. I always look this way after I take a hot bath Look edna said we were going to be here alone. Are you going to eat with us? No, I don't think so I'll be right out Richard. Okay, honey Well, roger. You better be going now. You'll be late for your scout meeting. Oh, there ain't no scout meeting Ain't no scout meeting tonight. Oh besides I quit the boy scouts last week. What's matter? My knees got cold Anyway, I think I'll stick around my sister's a nice girl and I don't like that glint you're trying to get in your eye Ah, come on take a walk or something. Gee, you know how it is. Here's the time a time Hey, listen the price is one dollar to everybody. Yeah What's the idea used to scram when I give you a dime? What's the extra 90 cents for I just heard about the amusement tax Yeah Oh, here's a dime take it or leave it. Now listen, I need a buck And uh, by the way, who is that girl you were talking to yesterday, huh? Oh, well, it wasn't anybody in particular Yeah, this sure would be sore if she found out about that. She sure you wouldn't dare You know, you're a regular troublemaker you are Gee, you make anything out of nothing. All I did was ask the girl what time it was You must be off laps and minded. I saw you write it down Hey, here's your buck now beat it before I give you a buck on your head So long fella. I hope you enjoy your dinner and whatever happens. Keep your chin up. Why we just put on a clean tablecloth But so long says I'm going down to the drugstore. All right, but remember no gambling Oh, hello dear. Are you hungry? Yeah a little bit. Gee. How are you? She ain't it wonderful alone at last there's you me and my appetite Oh, Richard, you're so romantic. Yeah, I hope you like it here. I want you to act just like you're at home You mean I can't smoke Don't be silly now take off your coat and let's see. All right, but we have a tough time trying to digest those buttons Oh We're always making jokes sort of Now come on. I hope you like my dinner. I'm not a very good cook though. I'll bet you're a good No, not very here taste the coffee and see if it's all right. Okay Is the coffee good? Just a little chewy Hey, what kind of soup is this that's chicken chicken. Yes chicken must have walked through with stilto Here try one of my biscuits. Did you bake them all by yourself? Yes But of course brother had to help me lift him off the stove Oh, I think I'll try one. Gee. Who is your brother Charles Atlas? Say, what are those things over there? They're stuffed peppers. What stuffed peppers, you know meatballs and solitary confinement I'll bet you're not enjoying your dinner. You've stopped eating. Yeah, I gotta get my breath once in a while Besides there's something I want to ask you if you don't mind. Yes. Well, you know, I've known you for about two years and And uh, as you know and and uh, as you know, I Well, there's a woman in back of every man's success except if she's a fan dancer And well look a ring for all an engagement ring. Yeah on a clear day, you can see the diamond Beautiful. Are you liking it? Yes, but do you think you can support a family? Oh, I guess so. How many's in your family? Oh gee, it's starting to rain Oh gee, what am I gonna do? I catch cold every time I get wet and every time I get wet I get pneumonia Every time I get pneumonia, I stop at a few minutes And besides you just proposed to me. Yeah, I know Of course, I've had a lot of chances to get married, but I figure why take chances Why only yesterday I was asked to get married and I said I would oh gee who asked you my mother and father Well, I guess I'll just have to give up you mean wait you you'll marry me Certainly silly. I've been waiting for you to ask me for a whole year. Well, I didn't get over my water on the needle yesterday Oh gee, this is wonderful. We'll get married tomorrow. Huh? Look, I'll go home and I'll pick you up early Gee, it's raining awful hard out though, isn't it? Well, we have a spare room if you don't mind sleeping in the attic Oh, I wouldn't mind the attic. I spent some of the happiest years of my life in the attic Well, I wouldn't want you to get pneumonia. No, I don't look so good in an oxygen tent Well, uh, it is kind of raining kind of hard. I hope I won't be putting you out Oh, not at all. I'll go right up and fix it. You wait here. I'll be back. All right Oh boy, I want to steal Gee, I just happen to remember something Look at you. We're you're all wet. I know. Where have you been in the rain? Well, you said I could stay here all night So I went home after my pajamas Beale street blues really had something and we think that we've really got something here and bob's strong arrangement of it Heading for beale street bob working at my house if he ever smoked avalanze cigarettes and he said Sure, brother. I smoke avalanze. They say me plenty ado They plugged up the leak that was draining my parka book You know when I go on a job, maybe I forget my tools see but I never forget my avalanze Yes friends millions upon millions of people from coast to coast know that they've really found something in avalanze A cigarette that positively cannot be surpassed in quality But costs three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands You'll certainly want to give avalanze cigarettes a trial They're union made from extra select turkish and domestic tobaccos Masterfully blended to give you a smoke that wins the highest praise from those people who are hardest to please Now judging by the quality you'd never guess avalanze cost you less three to five cents less per pack A saving that will mean many many extra dollars to you So the next time you need cigarettes remember avalanze give you exceptional quality outstanding money-saving economy Buy a pack of avalanze tonight The grand boys of curt massey backed up by the intriguing harmonies of the avalon chorus in one of the sweeter melodies of the day If I had my way If I Had my way to Forever There'd be a garden of roses for me A thousand things There are just four would never Like a queen like a queen Now if anybody wants a day off they send for skelton this week It's a golf pro who's taking a day off while our juvenile jug head takes his place We pick up edna still well and read as they approach the not-sure golf course How do you think my car runs? I've often wondered You ought to put two handles on this thing and call it a wheelbarrow. Well, here we are at the club. That's the brakes Well grab your club dub and get ready to give some golf lessons Uh-oh looks like rain Well, I'll have to get a caddy to carry these things. Oh, here comes the caddy now Well, are you a caddy? Well, I ain't a carpet bagger Hey, Lisa golf club toaster. Oh goodness. Yes, mr. Skelton. I'm just a pasture pool porter And do these scamps make me tramp. I get the hardest job. It's all good experience, but in my case Experiences the greatest archer Well, keep it up, or you'll get there. Oh, sometimes I wonder I keep my nose to the grindstone my air to the ground my eye on the ball My shoulder to the wheel and hold my future in my hands and heaven's above if opportunity ever knocks on the door I'll be too busy to answer it I'm here to take a uh golf pros place today. You know, are you surprised taking the golf pros place? Yeah Oh, I certainly am But I knew it was you mr. Skelton. You did just as soon as I saw this car driving here and stopped with a jerk My uh first sucker. I mean pupil is a guy by the name of philty lucre philty lucre Why he's that millionaire eccentric an eccentric. Hey, well they call him eccentric But if he didn't have 10 million dollars, he'd just be a screwball And believe me he belongs in an eccentric asylum Do you know what he goes around this course in the low 80s? No, he's low on D Well, I don't get it for you anyway, mr. Skelton right away. Okay, her keep boy that shower is coming up fast Well, I guess I'll take a few practices through it swings. Watch Edna notice my form your form looks like two sticks stuck in a potato My golf form notice my back swing. It's your swing I mean the club I'm just taking my stance now. I'll wiggle around a little bit The way you wiggle it looks as if you had ants in your stance Oh, here comes my pupil. Hey that guy looks two years older than McPherson's family's golf ball Well, here he is mr. Skelton. Mr. Philty lucre. Oh, how do you do mr. Lucre quiet quiet? Well, I'm putting okay Putting haven't he started to play yet. I'm putting this cigar in my mouth Oh However, it's pretty good out here yesterday got a home run. Oh, that's a home run Yep, bad as the ball way over there to tall grass and run all around the course before they could find it Well, first I'm going to teach you how to hold the brassie. I'd rather start by holding the caddy Caddy, that's not a golf club. I don't know what that. Yeah, it's a caddy, ain't she? No, that's miss still well my secretary Howdy pretty neat little package. Well, just remember you're no parcel postman Well, now let's get on with this first golf lesson here now. Look you take your stance you bring your club back like this and I hit it. I mean, uh That's pretty good went right out of sight. Don't look now, but if you move your left foot you'll kick it Yeah Well, no wonder I can only drive a few feet at a time. This is my sunday driver Let me try it now quiet Look at that thing go about 240 yards right over the green all over the beautiful drive Oh, right. Look at things rolling right up in the cup About two inches from going in the hole Shucks missed it again Well, let's go Uh-oh, it's starting to rain. Yeah, let's run for the clubhouse. All right, go on What are you a little afraid of a little rain? I'm gonna hurt you a little rain It's raining pitchforks and hammer handles. Oh, stop exaggerating Oh, what hit me on the head? A hammer handle I'm getting out of here. Okay, go ahead. Come on. We'll play this course rain or no rain There's 16 holes in this storm. Look where my ball has seven strokes already. Boy, what a lie. You're telling me Yeah, okay. Okay, nine strokes. Say how many shots did you take getting out of that sand trap eight shots? Four with mashy and four shots, right? Yeah Oh, good heavens, I've captured my death at cold Oh Would you like a snark son? Oh, well, I guess a good snark wouldn't hurt me. All right. Here's a handkerchief And while he hit my ball I said quiet. Oh, that was a thunder I think I'm on the green. I'm gonna run on up ahead there Say herky, this guy's kind of tight, ain't he? Oh heavens. They say when he pays off He never pays off with anything but $50 bill. Yeah. Well, there's only one drawback. What's that? He never pays off Well, I'm gonna settle this right now. Uh, hey, mr. Luker. Yes, I'd like to talk to you just a minute I charge $10 a lesson and it's uh, pay as you play. Yes. Well, don't forget I'm playing very poorly Oh my stars look where the balls are a dead timing. Well, drag the thing away and bury it Boy, look at this golf course. It's flooded. Well, you can't see anything but this green Say tomorrow they'll be looking for the missing links Say the water's coming up higher and higher. Well, I'll say that water as well We'll be drown like rats in the sand. No, wait a minute. I got an idea I know how I can save you here. Take your putter now putt Putt putt butt butt butt butt butt putt butt butt butt butt butt butt Okay gang, I'll just step for this outboard mortar boat we'll put put putt right out of here Well Dell, that finishes another one. Is about time for us to make way for the nbc Good chime charlink. Yes Red And don't forget that next week we're going to broadcast from the Auditorium Theatre here in Chicago. And for special guests, we're going to have about 3,500 delegates to the American Legion Convention. Oh, boy. You know, I got a warm spot for the legionnaires. Yeah? I guess it's because my uncle was a dough boy. He was, Red? Yeah, he was a cook in the Army, you know. He was wounded twice. It was a good thing the war ended when it did as those fellows he was cooking for would have killed him. Well, good night, everybody. We'll see you next week. Remember, friend, during the week when you asked for Avalon cigarettes? Don't forget your change. Yes, you'd never guess, but Avalons cost only $0.10 plus city or state tax. Be with us next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon time. Del King speaking. Good night. This is the National Broadcasting Company. W-E-A-F, New York, 9 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watch Time. Boulevard, masterpiece of fine watchmaking.