 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program coming to you from Western Women's Club in San Francisco, California, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with San Francisco from the picture of the same name. The hardest game of questions and answers is really easy compared to one question that every woman has to answer every day. What will we have for dessert tonight? Well, here's a tip. In every package of Jell-O, you'll find delicious recipe suggestions. There are different recipes on the different packages, so the variety is almost unlimited. Every sort of delicious Jell-O dessert and lots of attractive Jell-O salads that you'll find especially helpful at this time of year. Look them over at your grocers. You'll be surprised and delighted at the recipes on the Jell-O package. But remember, there's only one Jell-O, and only Jell-O brings you that delicious extra-rich fruit flavor, that full-flavored true fruit goodness that simply cannot be topped. So don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. San Francisco played by the orchestra, and now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who has been in San Francisco a whole week and has just found out that the gold rush is over, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, I think that was a very thoughtless introduction. I know perfectly well that the gold rush is over. It was in 1849. Well, Jack, then, why did you bring a pick and a shovel up here with you? Because of history repeats itself, I want to be prepared. But you know, Don, there's still a feeling here in San Francisco of the rugged frontier days. Take the money, for instance. When you get a big bill change, you don't get it back in paper. You get it back in good, solid silver dollars. You know, it makes you feel like you've got something. Yes, yes, I've noticed that, Jack. I tell you, Don, my suspenders have been so overworked, I had to take out pants insurance. As they, Don, another thing about this town, have you noticed how friendly and courteous everyone is? So hospitable. Oh yes, Jack, I've seldom seen people so polite. Why, Don, only yesterday when I was out driving I happened to go through a red light, and a policeman walked up to me and said, pull over to the curb, Mr. Wise Guy. Now, in what other city would they say, Mr.? And of course, Don, there's another great thing about San Francisco, and that's the climate. It's so invigorating, you know, it really peps you up. Well, that's quite true, Jack, but they do have foggy weather here once in a while, don't they? Well, Don, it isn't exactly foggy weather. I mean, you really wouldn't call it fog. Oh, you wouldn't? No. Of course, when you go out for your morning walk, it wouldn't hurt to wear a neon necktie. Now, Don, Don, you know, the fog, the fog here is like our Los Angeles rain. It's just a vicious rumor. Only last week I had a pump 80 gallons of rumor out of my cellar. Oh, I know how it is. Jack, I wonder where the rest of our gang is. Yeah, I hope they know we're broadcasting from the Western Women's Club. Well, I'm sure Phil Harris does. Oh, I know Phil does. He tried to get a room here. You know, Phil used to go to school in this town. He has a lot of friends here, but that's no excuse for being late. Oh, come in. Mr. Benny, on behalf of the Chamber of Commerce, I want to welcome you to San Francisco. Well... Now, if there's anything we can do to make your stay here pleasant, please call on us. Well, thank you very much. Now, is there anything I can do for you? Yes, keep that Maxwell off our new bridge. Hmm, how do you like that? Now, if you want to know something, Don, I already drove my Maxwell on the new bridge, and I got across almost to Oakland. Oh, you did? What happened? Well, the car broke down and took 12 seagulls to pull it in. You know, I drove it up from Los Angeles. Or is that the phone, Jack? It ain't the Oakland ferry. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Gladys. Gladys? Yes, I'm calling for Phil Harris. He'll be over in 15 minutes. Oh, thank you. Say, by the way, are you the Gladys I used to know? I was, but I moved. Phil certainly goes around with intelligent girls. Oh, hello, Mary. Welcome to San Francisco. Hello. Hey, that's a nice hand you got there, Mary. They kind of like you in this town, huh? Oh, I've got a lot of friends here, Jack. I know so many people. Oh, sure. I almost forgot, folks. Mary's a local girl. She was born right here in San Francisco. Weren't you married? Well, not right in San Francisco. Oh, you mean not in the city itself? That's right. Oh, well. Where were you born? Was it Berkeley? No. Alameda? No. Thosalita? No. Where? Seattle. Well, that's only two inches away on a small map. Well, tell me, Mary, have you been having any fun here? I mean, what have you been doing all week? Oh, I've been all over. I went to the zoo and see all rocks. And yesterday I went to Chinatown. Oh, Chinatown? Do you do any shopping? Did I? I bought some pajamas and a kimono with a dragon on it and some chopped suey. And, oh boy, am I sorry I told the man I was in a hurry. Why? He wrapped everything in one bundle. Hey, chopped suey and a kimono. I mean, the kimono must be all spotted. No, but the dragon gained three pounds. No, I didn't know they liked chopped suey. And, oh Jack, I must tell you something that happened to me last night. It was awful. What? Well, I was sitting in the lobby of my hotel, minding my own business. And all of a sudden my eye winked at the cutest fella. Oh. She was, I embarrassed. Well, don't feel bad about it, Mary. That could be a nervous twitch, you know. And then to make things work, I had to go and drop my handkerchief right in front of him. Oh, well, that was just an accident. That's all. Yes, but when I said hello, I could have slapped my face. Oh, I see. So you were flirting with this fella in the lobby of the hotel, huh? Yeah. We had more fun all evening. We laughed and talked and had as well as time. You did. Where'd you go? No place. He was the bell captain. Well anyway, I'm glad you're having a good time here, Mary. I really am. I certainly am. But, oh, Jack, you know what? What? I forgot to write a poem about San Francisco. Oh, isn't that tragic, Don? Yeah. Oh, now, Mary, you go over there in the corner and work on it. Write a poem. OK, Jack. Say, Don, did the rest of the gang get here yet? Well, Kenny just walked in. Where? There he is. He's going out again. Kenny, come back here. Gosh, was that for me? Certainly, Kenny. What were you running away for? Oh, I feel silly broadcasting from a woman's club. That's nonsense, Kenny. Don's here. I'm here. Do I look silly? You mean from where I'm standing? Yes. Yes. That last yes wasn't my echo. You're fired. Well, Kenny, what have you been doing, seeing the sights like the rest of us? Oh, I've been getting around. Yesterday I saw the new bridges, and this morning I took a boat and went over to the World's Fair. You did? Yeah, and you know, Jack, there's hardly anyone over there. Gosh, they're not doing any business at all. It's terrible. Kenny, they're still building the World's Fair. It won't be open until 1939. Oh, then that fan dancer I saw must have been a carpenter. Well, tell me, Kenny... Oh, Jack, I'm getting along swell with my poem. That's good. Tell me, Kenny, now that you've seen them, what do you think of those two new bridges? Oh, they're pretty. Pretty? Is that the way to describe those engineering masterpieces? Why, those two bridges are the result of men working and slaving and sweating day and night. Pouring thousands and thousands of tons of concrete, erecting miles and miles of mighty steel cables, employing mechanical skill that will never be surpassed or even duplicated in the history of civilization. Honeyfell crab meat. P-R-A-P-N-E-A-P. And you, Kenny Baker, you stand there and say those bridges are pretty, those mighty triumphs of engineering. Now what do you say? They're very pretty. That's fine. I yell myself horse and get a very. Oh, well sing your song, Kenny, and redeem yourself to our San Francisco friends. Wait a minute. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Gladys. Oh, you again, huh? Yeah. Phil Harris will be over in about ten minutes. Well, he better. Phil thinks he can go running around all his girlfriends while the program is on. He's crazy. Oh, shut up. What are you going to sing, Kenny? I'm going to sing when the organ played or promised me. That sounds all right. That's fine. Now hold it a minute, Kenny. Come in. Mr. Benny. Yes? Is this the Western Women's Club? Yes, it is. Well, where are they? Woo-hoo! I must have packed him in my bag. He's got a head like an old shaving brush. Oh, hey, boy. I must be sung by Kenny Baker. And you see, Kenny, you have nothing to worry about. You weren't a bit nervous. Well, at first I was going to fly to pieces, but then I said to myself, Kenneth, take hold of yourself. And I did. Oh, well, it sounded like it, Kenneth. I thought your voice was pretty. Pretty? Is that the way to describe my voice when it took thousands and thousands of tons of concrete? Oh, quiet. Concrete, huh? Jack, my poem is all finished. I think I've got something here. Well, Mary, this is one time we'd all like to hear it. Wouldn't you, Don? Yes, Jack, I think it would be very apropos. Oh, you do, eh? Kenny, stop showing off. Go ahead, Mary. Let's hear your poem now. Okay. San Francisco. Oh, San Francisco, San Francisco. You're the town I can't resisto. I like your parks and civic center. It's cool and summer, warm and winter. Winter? And your harbor fills with water. Wait a minute, Mary. Oh, darn it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Gladys. Tell Phil to get right over here to work. All right, slave driver. Go ahead, Mary. Go ahead, huh? Uh, where was I? In the harbor. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. And your harbor fills with water. And your good old fisherman's war. With its lobster and its crab meat. Gee, I cannot get a norf. A norf? Boy, that was a torf one, wasn't it, huh? Wasn't it Horwitz? I climbed your hills and cars on cables. I would have walked if I was able. Able? And after that, I took a boat and sailed right through your golden goat. Goat? That's golden gâté. Goat. Is that all? Is that all there is to the poem? Yes. Now, wait a minute, Mary. Wait a minute, wait a minute. What about our, you know... Oh, yes, John, I'm sorry. Last verse, all out. San Francisco off reminds us footprints in the sands of time. Jello, six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, lime. Boom. Well, that was a surprise to me, Mary, and I think you did very well considering the time you had to prepare it, you know? And now, folks... Hello, Jack, old boy. Here I am. Am I late? I don't know, Phil. Where are you going? Am I late? Well, I'm sorry, Jack, but we were playing an engagement in Sacramento last night, and we had to drive in. Well, the boys in your orchestra got here on time. I know, but I had to stay and sweep up the dance floor. Now, Phil, that's a lie. And then to make things worse on the way in, I had to stop and have my car fixed. I know, Phil, the mechanic called up three times. His name is Gladys. And when you can't put anything over on me, I know where you were, and it's not to your credit to be seen with every girl in town. You don't see me running around. Well, it's your own fault. I wanted you to go out with me and meet some of these girls, didn't I? I could have gotten you a swell date. Oh, sure, like the girl you fixed me up with on New Year's Eve. That Dolores Del Schmutz. Boy, was she a mess. Have you seen her since? Yes, Phil, last Wednesday I had a nightmare. The last time I'll ever go to sleep. And another thing, Phil, why do you always mix pleasure with business? Does Castellanos let his social life interfere with his work? Does Takowski come in late on account of girls? He would if he had my little red book. You and your little red book. I've got a book, too, haven't I, Mary? Yeah, it came with a telephone. Yeah, it came with a telephone. Nah, it came with a telephone. Nah. Next time you want me to read a poem. All right, Phil, now that you've finally got here, you might as well do your stuff. What's it gonna be? We're gonna play by Mir Bist du Shane. Had a little trouble with that. Yeah, you did. Well, Slipperman had a hard time teaching it to you. The little Norwegian did he there. Oh, well. Oh, wait a minute, Phil. There's a phone. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Gladys. Well, what do you want now? I'm calling for Phil Harris. He says he'll be over in a little while. Now, wait a minute. Phil Harris is standing here right now. Then who's this guy? Ah, you see, Phil, competition. Think that over while you're playing the next number. By Mir Bist du Shane. By Mir Bist du Shane. Again, I'll explain. It means that you're the fairest in the land. I could say Bella, Bella, even say Boonderbar. Each language only helps me tell you how grand you are. Again, I'll explain. By Mir Bist du Shane. So kiss me and say you understand. Bist du Shane, played by the orchestra with a vocal refrain by Phil Harris. That was swell, Phil. You ought to sing more often. That's what they tell me. Oh, didn't you think Phil did a great job, Don? Oh, yes, Jack. I thought he handled it with unusual esprit. And what was that? I say I thought he handled it with unusual esprit. Oh, yes, yes, yes, quite. Well, that means spirit. Well, why didn't you say so? Esprit has a ring in Spanish on me, you know? Now esprit is a French word, Jack. A French word? Of course. Certainly. Yeah. Well, so much for our trip to Europe, huh? Now, fellas, not meaning to change the subject, but as long as we're here in San Francisco, come in. Hello, fellas. Hiya. Landy, I didn't expect you up here in San Francisco. You told me you couldn't make it. Well, I didn't think I could, Buck, but Ma and Paul wanted to come, so I thought I'd treat them to a little vacation. Oh. What did you do, motor up? No, we took the night train. Paul slept in the lower berth, and Paul and me shared the upper. Well, the two of you in an upper berth, you must have had trouble getting undressed. Undressed? We couldn't even get our hats off. Oh, that must have been awful. Well, we wouldn't have minded that so much, but our dog wouldn't get off the pillow. Oh, your dog was in there too, my goodness. Now, she sure picked a fine place to have pop. Hey, that must have been uncomfortable. Are you going back on the train? Oh, I don't think so. Paul got in the crap game with the porter and lost her return ticket. Well, don't worry, Andy. I'll lend you some money. What are you doing up here? Tell me, Andy, have you been having any fun looking over the town? Yeah, I've been all over. Say, Buck, before I leave, I'd like to go to Chinatown and get some of that Chinese hash. Chop suey, huh? Well, that's a coincidence, Andy, because I was just going to invite the gang down there and treat them to a real dinner. How about it, fellas? Mary, call up and reserve a table. I know a swell place. I've got the address here somewhere. Oh, here's that card. Ling Fu, chop suey like mother used to make. See, my mother never made any of them. Call them up, Mary. What's the number? Okay. Operator, get me Ling Fu's restaurant in Chinatown. Hold the line, please. Now, fellas, remember, the whole party's on me. I'm buying. Here's your party. You better talk, Jack. Okay. Hello? Hello. Now, listen, I want to reserve a table for six. We'll be over in about 15 minutes. Who is this, please? This is Jack Benny. Jack Blinney? Blinney? No, Benny, Benny, the Ellis Slyland. In there. Now, look, we want you to fix us up some real Chinese dishes. You know, just give us enough chow mein and chop suey for six. Mix them up, you know. Oakley, oakley. Now, what can we have for dessert? Oh, we've got nachinat, nice cookies, kumquat, sing pao poo, and jello. Oh, jello? Yes, slopelele, less pelichele, and lemon and lime. Look for the big letters and the blocks. Hey, hey, Don, did you hear that? You sledded. Well, all right, we'll be over in a few minutes. Now, look, by the way, how much will all this cost approximately? Uh-uh, the party's off. Mary, I'm just asking. How much? Six dollars for chop suey, why I never heard of that. Now, listen, Ling Fu. Oh, me no Ling Fu. Me plush boy. Oh, well, let me talk to the Bloss. Ling Fu. Oakley, hey it. Hello, Ling Fu. Hello, Slinger. Quiet, you're talking to Ling Fu. Well, tell me, Slep, what are you doing in China, Tommy? How do you happen to be running a restaurant? Well, I'll tell you, Jackie, I figure like this. Everybody likes chop suey. I look good in a kimono, so what am I waiting for? Time marches up. Oh, I can... I can just picture you with a kimono. Say, you must look like a real china, my lad. Yeah, but there's only one thing wrong. What's that? A pigtail I wouldn't wear. You know me, Jack, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dendy. Yeah, I went to town. I don't blame you. Now, look, Slep, we're all coming over for chop suey. Now, what else have you got there that's good, you know? Oh, Jackie boy, have I got a special dish prepared for you? You'll love it. A special dish? Now, what is it? Egg Fu Yong with Matcha Balls. That sounds tempting. Let's see, what else have you got? Well, we got some nice gefilte Yakamine. And listen, Jack, if you want a real A number one delicacy, you must try our Hua Su Ying Lu Tao. Hey, I've never heard of that. What is it? Confidentially, it's herring. Oh, well, look, I slept smuggle, slept smuggle a little of it on my plate. Look under the rice. Okay, now we'll be right over. Wait, I've never seen you play, Slep. How will I find it? Oh, you can't miss it, Jack. There's a big sign in the front. A sign? What does it say? Cleaning, pressing a chop suey. Oh, fine, we'll be right over. Goodbye, Slep. Goodbye, goodbye, sign it down, my sign it down. You eat so much before I die. Well, fellas, come on, fellas, let's go. It's almost over anyway, come on, fellas. Here's one swell dessert to give any meal a happy ending. Serve jello chocolate pudding for dessert and listen to the family cheer. For jello chocolate pudding is downright delicious. It has a real full chocolate flavor, a tempting rich chocolate color and a smooth consistency that's creamy and luscious. Jello chocolate pudding is made with the same wholesome ingredients you'd use yourself in your own homemade chocolate pudding, but it's far quicker and easier to prepare. Just combine the contents of one package with milk and then cook and stir over a low flame until it's thick and smooth. It takes just a few minutes and you have a perfect dessert. If you like, you can vary it with toasted nut meats, raisins or crisp shredded coconut. Directions are in every package. Jello chocolate pudding sells for the same low price as jello, so ask your grocer tomorrow for jello chocolate pudding. Hey, Link, who's got great food, isn't he? Give me some more tea, Don. Oh, here you are, Jack. That was the last number of the 15th program in the new jello series. A lemon or cream? A lemon, Don. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time broadcasting from Hollywood. Cheetah chops, do we taste good? Yeah, I like it, too. Yeah, man. Ouch, Kenny, look out for those chopsticks. Oh, look, Jack, I found a sardine under my rice. Give me that. Good night, folks. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Friar production. Jubilee is from the start of every day for holiday. Billum, Mr. Shane is from Love, Honor, and Behave. This is the National Broadcasting Company. KFI, Los Angeles.