 Now, Anacin, the tablet's thousands of physicians and dentists, recommend for fast relief of pain of headache, neuritis, neuralgia, and bisonol mints. That quickly rid stomach of gastric distress, present Armist Brooks starring Eve Arden. It's time once again for another comedy episode of Armist Brooks, transcribed. But first, here is something you should know if you ever suffer from the pain of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. It's an incredibly fast way to ease the pain. It's Anacin, a way countless numbers of people have found superior. Anacin acts so promptly to relieve pain. Anacin is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anacin contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in convenient tablet form. Thousands of persons have been introduced to Anacin through their own physicians or dentists. But today these tablets are in such widespread use that all drug counters have them, and everyone can have the benefit of their incredibly fast action. So if you want to relieve the pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia, by all means, try Anacin. On this guarantee, if the first few Anacin tablets do not give you all the relief you want, as fast as you want it, return the unused portion, and your money will be refunded. I'll spell the name for you, A-N-A-C-I-N. Easy to take Anacin tablets, come in handy boxes of 12 and 30, and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. Ask for Anacin at your drugists today. Well, it's spring cleaning time throughout the country, and Armist Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High, is not one to sit idly by as her landlady cleans the house. No indeed, I can watch better standing up. Not that I'm lazy, but Mrs. Davis, bless her heart, refuses to let me help, and for a very good reason. She says she knows exactly where to find the dirt she's been pushing around all winter. Last Thursday morning, as I entered the living room, she was already hard at work, and I hated the interrupter. Oh, Mrs. Davis! Mrs. Davis! Mrs. Davis! What is it, Countie? Please, turn that thing off! Well, that's better. Mrs. Davis, did you make breakfast for me this morning? Because, if not, why I could just... Why, of course, I did, dear. Don't you see it? I just finished waxing the table, so I put your bacon and eggs on the sofa. Where? I don't see any bacon and eggs on the sofa. Why, they're right over there on... Oh, my. Connie, as soon as I empty my new Jiffy vacuum, I'll give them to you. No thanks. By that time, they may be a little too well done. Well, I'll simply have to get breakfast. Mrs. Davis, did you say your new Jiffy vacuum? You just bought a new clean-all three weeks ago. What did you need a Jiffy cleaner for? Oh, I really don't need it, dear. But you should see this salesman. Any woman would gladly put a down payment on the cleaner with Mr. Murdock. I've never seen anyone like him before. Besides, he said you had recommended me to him as a prospect. Well, that's true. Several weeks ago, in an unguarded moment, I recommended 20 names to the Jiffy vacuum cleaner company at $2 a name. But that was before you'd bought your clean-all. Now, don't you feel badly, Connie? Mr. Murdock is due back here at 8.15 sharp. Any minute now to collect his $10 down payment. And if you think you can resist him, you handle him, dear. I'm just a lump of soggy putty in his hands. You'd better un-sog, Mrs. Davis, because I'm going to throw him out just as soon as he... Oh, Connie, Connie, that's him. Is my hair knit in place? Are my sneakers on straight? Oh, be still, my foolish palpitating heart. Davis, please. It's going to be hard enough to throw him out without you hanging onto his legs. Now, just keep quiet, and I'll do all the talking. I'm very sorry, my good fellow, but... Hello, baby. Connie. Hey, where'd you get those great, big, beautiful, blue eyes, honey? Doesn't the gorgeous blonde doll talk, Mrs. Davis? Oh, yes, but I think she's in the state of shock. Won't you come in, Mr. Murdock? I certainly, Mrs. Davis. What do you say, baby? Mrs. Davis, lock the doors. Oh, that is, by all means, come in, Mr. Gable. Mr. Peck, Mr. Brando. Murdock, Mrs. Gable, honey. Harry Murdock, and I'm regional sales manager for the Jiffy Vacuum Cleaner Company. But when I came by last night, Mrs. Davis never told me I'd run into anything as completely ravaging. As you. Yeah, get me, honey? Dear, close your mouth and answer the man. No, that would never work. Connie, I thought you were going to do all the talking. I'm too busy listening. Won't you sit down and have some hot chocolate with us, Mr. Murdock? Oh, uh, before you do, Mr. Murdock, there's something Mrs. Davis and I have to tell you. Yes, sugar. Well, three weeks ago, she bought, and as we already have. Yes, honey. We have. What do you have, baby? Well, we have hot chocolate, coffee, soda, fire, yummy yogurt. You can have your choice. Some other time, honey. I haven't got the time right now. I've got to close the sale. Oh, yes, that's just it, Mr. Gable. Mr. Murdock, and Mrs. Davis had something she wanted to tell you. See, I wanted to tell you that. What did you want to tell me, gorgeous? Here's your ten dollars. Where do I sign? Where's the paper? Where? Where? Where? Right here, beautiful. Now, here's my pen. That's the girl. That's fine, Mrs. Davis. Allow me to congratulate you, sugar. You've made a wise investment. And our girls, I should bring in the attachments to show you how they work, but I'm a little rushed. So what about tonight at eight? Well, this evening at eight would be all right with you, Mrs. Davis. Honey, how about you, Angel? I'll see you, sweethearts, tonight then. Oh, if I were only twenty years younger. Connie. Oh, Connie. Yes, baby. What, Mrs. Davis? Dear, why did you let that beautiful man sell me a second cleaner? I wonder if it's legal for a man to have five dimples on one face. And you told me you had plenty of sales resistance. Connie, I simply can't afford to pay for two cleaners. Not that I hold it against you for sending Mr. Murdock to me in the first place, but after all, it does make you a little responsible. I know it, Mrs. Davis, and I'll get back the money and the contract for Mr. Murdock tonight. I'd thought of a way to resist him. But how, dear? I'll just meet him at the door blindfolded with my ears plugged up, and if I keep twenty feet away, his thought waves won't mean a thing. You wanted to see me, Mr. Conklin? I didn't get a charley horse chasing you down the corridor for nothing. Can I have my office, please? Yes, sir. Now, uh, now then, Miss Brooks, to come directly to the point. Why did you send that vacuum cleaner salesman to my poor befuddled spouse last night? Oh, did your wife buy a jiffy cleaner for Mr. Murdock, too? She almost signed up for one with the passionate pitchman. But as luck would have it, I ducked between them just as she was about to sigh. Really? Yes, and it took me an hour to wash her signature off the side of my face. Now, Miss Brooks, I am on the verge of selling my old car today for sixty dollars, and Mrs. Conklin was on the verge of spending that sixty dollars toward the purchase of that jiffy cleaner. You mean you finally got a customer for that decrepit old car of yours, sir? Why, it's hardly run in ten years. Hardly run? Well, it's the cleanest Stutz Bearcat on the market. Move over, Mr. Murdock. I've met your master. I suppose that's how the world goes, Miss Brooks. The men sell the women by. And that's the main reason I asked you in here, Miss Brooks. I asked the jiffy people to send their salesman here to my office at 8.50 sharp. He'll be here any minute now. And I want you to see how Osgood Conklin has developed his sales resistance to a point where it is a veritable walls of Jericho. Mr. Murdock here? Oh, no, please, sir. Even if he doesn't sell you, the ricochet may trap me for twelve months. Now, if you'll excuse me. One moment, Miss Brooks. You need this little lesson in sales resistance? Come in, sir. Hello, Hanson. You would know where I could find Mr. Conklin, would you, brown eyes? Well, he's out right now, but could I be, could I be, oh, why, I'm Mr. Conklin. Well, I wasn't expecting anything as wonderful as this. I'm Lola Perry, sales representative for the Jiffy Vacuum Cleaner Company. You're the salesman they sent over? Why, yes, you were expecting me, weren't you, Hanson? Oh, yeah, yeah. But not quite so much of you. That is, I was expecting you, but in a slightly different shape. Oh, maybe you were expecting a taller person. It was a different difference entirely. Miss Brooks, haven't you something to do? Well, I could push your eyeballs back into this. Not right now, sir, not a thing. I'll just sit here and watch your sales resistance. Josh, if it's the battle of Jericho, Jericho. The Miss Brooks, I'm certain you have a class that you could go to. Oh, pardon me, brown eyes. If I'm interrupting anything, I can leave. Interrupting anything? Oh, you're not interrupting anything, my dear, not a thing. No, no, no. Sit right down, my dear. Sit right down here. Let me help you. Oh, there we are. Are you confused? You'd make any woman feel comfortable, Hanson. Oh, good, good, good, good, good. And I'll sit right near you on the tippy-tippy end of my desk. Now then, what can we do for you today? What can we do for you? You just name it anything, anything at all. And the wall came tumbling. That will do. Miss Brooks, I'm talking to Miss Perry. You certainly are, Hanson. And Lola can tell by talking to you that you're the strong protective type of man who likes to make it easier for us women. Oh, I do, I do, I do, I do. Just one of those was enough to get hooked her life. I know you do, honey. That's why your signature on this paper and a teensy down payment isn't going to keep you from giving your wife a jiffy cleaner, is it? Well, no, indeed it's not going to keep me. Oh, just a moment. There's something I wanted to say. Yeah? What did you want to say to me, brown-eyed? Here's your ten dollars. Where do I sign? Where, where, where, where? Right here, big boy. On this line here. That's it. And thank you so much. Well, I guess I'll be going now, Hanson. Oh, let me float you to the, uh, walk you to the door. Goodbye, brown-eyed. Goodbye, Miss Perry. Oh, Lola. You just bought a hundred and twenty dollars worth of ooh-la-la. Miss Brooks, what's a mere hundred and twenty dollars when a strong, protective man tries to make it easier for women all over the, what's a mere hundred and twenty dollars? Oh, yeah, I've been Shanghai. Well, I suppose that's how the world goes, brown-eyed. Well, let me circumvent. The women sell and the men buy. Miss Brooks, since you sent the jiffy company to my household in the first place, I hold you completely responsible. Now, I want you to get back my ten dollars and I want you to get back my contract. Now, let's see if there's anything else I want you to do. No, sir, there I draw the line. Draw the line? Yes, sir. If you want to get back Lola Perry, you're on your own. Friends, if you suffer from acid indigestion, I hope you didn't miss reading this wonderful news, a headline that says, New mints medically proven, quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. That headline is talking about new, bisodol mints. Doctors recommend bisodol mints because the bisodol medication acts at once to make painful acid harmless and gives you fast five-way relief. One, speeds relief from gas. Two, sweetens your breath. Three, gives complete longer lasting relief than baking soda. Four, relieves stomach upset from too much eating, drinking, smoking. Five, lets you sleep when acid indigestion strikes at night. So don't suffer acid indigestion all night. Four, relieves stomach upset from too much eating, drinking, smoking. So don't suffer acid indigestion, heartburn or gastric distress from excess acidity. Remember, new mints medically proven, quickly rid stomach of gastric distress. And remember the name, bisodol mints. B-I-S-O-D-O-L. Get bisodol mints for fast relief. Well, when I recommended them as prospects, I had no idea Mrs. Davis and Mr. Conklin would be charmed into buying Jiffy vacuum cleaners, which both of them needed like a hole in the rug. Anyway, they both managed to make me feel like the finger girl for a vacuum cleaner mob. I tried to forget my troubles at noon when I went down to the cafeteria to meet Mr. Boyden. He had promised to treat me for lunch, and from his first remark as I sat down at our table, I knew he would be the soul of generosity. I hope you had a big breakfast today, Mrs. Brooks. Yes, and I plan on having an even bigger lunch, Mr. Boyden. Breakfast was four hours ago. I know, but living a highly sedentary life as we do, much of our caloric intake turns to nothing but flabby blubber. If we have more than a symbol full of cottage cheese, we're absolute pigs. And frankly, as far as I'm concerned, if there's one thing that makes a woman attractive, it's a nice, slim figure. And frankly, as far as I'm concerned, if there's one thing that makes a man attentive, it's a nice, fat wallet. Mr. Boyden, if you don't want to treat me to lunch, today, why keep beating around the bush? Just come out and say it. I don't want to treat you to lunch today. That is, I want to, Mrs. Brooks, but I can't. You remember a week ago, I was saving to put $10 down on a new suit? Oh, well, why didn't you say so? Then you bought a suit. Not exactly a suit. Oh, a sport jacket? Not precisely. And what did you buy? A Jephy vacuum cleaner. Well, I know you look perfectly stunning in a Jephy vacuum cleaner. Oh, I know what you're going to say, Miss Brooks. I live in a rented apartment. The landlady cleans my place once a week and I have no earthly use for a vacuum cleaner. Then why did you buy it? Oh, la, la. French, for even a biologist, sometimes deserts his frogs. So, Lola Perry paid you a visit, too. I still can't figure out what happened. Phew, all I know is I committed myself for a vacuum cleaner which I don't need and can't afford. Not that I hold you personally responsible because you sent her to me, Miss Brooks, but... But you're convinced you saw my face last week on Racket Squad? Well, actually, Mr. Boyden, if you'd shown a little more sales resistance... Hi, Mr. Boyden. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hello, Alder. Oh, what an entrancing sight. The fairest flower of Madison's faculty seated next to Madison's most generous, big-hearted, philanthropic... Forget it, Alder. All his money is tied up in ooh-la-la. But all I wanted to borrow was half a buck. I'm in a little financial jam, Mr. Boyden. You see, I invited Harriet to lunch and now I find out she hasn't got the money to treat me. Couldn't you just advance me 50 cents till next Wednesday? Well, uh, you see... I hope you two had a big breakfast, Walter. Don't you usually get your weekend allowance about this time, though? Usually, but right now there's a big economy wave at my house. It started last night when my father balled out my mother for being extravagant. For being extravagant? Yes, she bought a Jiffy vacuum cleaner. That, Mr. Murdock, is really sweeping the country. But, Walter, if your mother actually needed a vacuum, why did your father ball her out for extravagance? Because an hour before, Dad had bought a Jiffy vacuum cleaner from a beautiful doll. Oh, you should see that, Miss Perry. Ooh-la-la. You can't look at her without... Hello, everybody. Oh, hello, Harriet. Well, Walter, did you get the O-day for the unslay? No, he didn't get the O-day, Harriet. Hey, but I can let you have an up-fay until A-day payday. Okay? Gosh, decoded! That means we eat! Come on, Harriet, let's dive into the Navy Bean soup. Let's sail her. Harriet, is your father still angry with me? Oh, awfully angry, Miss Brooks. All morning, he's had me on the phone arguing with the Jiffy people. But it seems they only cancel contracts with unreliable customers. They seem to feel school teachers always pay their debts. And we've got the pawn tickets to prove it. Hey, wait a minute, Harriet. You've given me a thought. I think maybe I can persuade them to take back all those cleaners. Well, but where can you rent a Tommy gun in this town? No, I'm serious, Walter. Bring both of your cleaners to my place before eight o'clock tonight. Mr. Boyden, you do the same, and you too, Harriet. Now here's what we're going to do when Mr. Murdock arrives at my house. Oh, I think I understand. You're going to convince him how low your sales resistance is. Oh, say, that's pretty good. Especially a woman with your resistance. Yes, Casanova? How would you know? Mr. Murdock will return in a moment. A few months ago, a great entertainer came back to radio, the medium most responsible for his rise to fame over two decades ago. In this short time, Rudy Valley has quickly re-established himself as one of the nation's favorites. He holds forth in his New York hotel suite for one solid Sunday night hour of pleasure on the Rudy Valley Music Hall, a program that has become a mecca for top figures of the entertainment world. The roster of personalities Rudy Valley personally introduced to radio in the past reads like a who's who of show business. It includes such names as Burns and Allen, Rhett Skelton, Fanny Bryce, Joe Penner, Kate Smith, Eddie Cantor, and Bob Hope. In the new Rudy Valley Music Hall series, Rudy has already gone to work to compile a brand new list of great stars. Make the Rudy Valley Music Hall a Sunday night habit for fun, for surprises, for musical and vocal entertainment from those familiar words, and to make sure that everybody write down the line to the end of the hour. Later tonight at the stars address, it's the Rudy Valley Music Hall. Well, I thought I had a pretty foolproof way to persuade Mr. Murdoch to take back his vacuum cleaners. And since I needed her help, later that evening, I explained my idea to my landlady. Now, are you sure you understand my plan, Mrs. Davis? I think so, dear. We've got to convince that gorgeous Mr. Murdoch that we've loaded ourselves with debts of those resistance. That's the idea. We've got to convince him we're such an unreliable family that he'll take back all the cleaners around here. Well, we're at it. Maybe we could convince him to take me back with him. Mrs. Davis. Well, girl can dream, can't she? But Connie, I only hope your plan. Oh, Connie, Connie, that's him. It's him. Oh, my goodness. Oh, that's it. Self-control. Now is my lipstick comb, my head on strip. I'll take it. All right, dear. I'll be right back. Hello, baby. Where do I sign? Where? Mr. Murdoch, please come in. I was just helping Mrs. Davis finish our spring cleaning. Your spring cleaning? Yes, I always do my housework in the morning. Yes, so I... Wait a minute, honey. If your Jiffy is here, what's that? That sounds like a vacuum, too. Oh, I know. That's what's wonderful about your Jiffy. You can tell their sound from a carpet sweeper in a second. What I meant was I had no idea you had two Jiffy vacuums. Connie, I... Oh, hello, dear Mr. Murdoch. Oh, did you just buy another Jiffy from him, Connie? The whole thing we bought this morning. Well, dear, the bag in my Jiffy is full. Do you want to empty it out for me? Why bother, Mrs. Davis? Just put that one aside and use the Jiffy that's in the bedroom. You've got another Jiffy vacuum in the bedroom? Oh, yes, indeed. But, Connie, I just dread walking up all those stairs to get it. Oh, you're right, Mrs. Davis, and why not use the one in the dining room? Wait, girls, wait. I'm counting the one we purchased just to loan out to the neighbors. Five vacuum cleaners? Mr. Murdoch, when we spring clean, we spring clean. Someone said there's a recession going on. No, no, no, look, ladies, maybe we oversold you slightly, after all, making payments on five cleaners. Six, we also bought a clean-all vacuum. A clean-all? Please don't be angry with us, Mr. Murdoch. We only use the clean-all to clean the Jiffys. Six cleaners? Oh, I know just what you're thinking, Mr. Murdoch, that we're an unreliable family, but please don't think that. We've met many a second payment. Goodness, yes. Sometimes months roll by before we get those darling little reminder notes from the collection agency. Yeah, well, look, girls, maybe I ought to take back a couple of the cleaners. Oh, but we always make our payments, Mr. Murdoch. True, we don't have much sales resistance on smaller things, but we weigh very carefully before we buy the really expensive items. How true. Only this morning, we ran an ad in the paper to buy a used car. A man came over, and we looked at the car a full three minutes from this very window before we bought it. Yeah, well, maybe I ought to take back three cleaners. Oh, no, please don't, Mr. Murdoch. I've made a resolution not to buy one solitary thing the rest of this month. Oh, excuse me, please. Yes, sir? Hello, baby. My name is Phil Boyton, and I'm selling. I'm buying. What are you selling? I'll tell you're beautiful. I saw your ad in the paper and I happened to have a 1929 Chevrolet big, baby blue eyes. And I think he's been wasting all this on frogs and white rabbits. I would have been glad to consider your offer, but only this morning I... Only this morning... Yes, honey? Yes, baby. Where do I sign? Where? Do you have something you want me to sign, like a bill of sale, a promissory note, a marriage contract, auto contract? Oh, here. I bought a card this morning. Quiet, small fry. Now I'll just sign your little paper, Mr. Boyn. There you are. Now I own. Who is this coming up the walk behind you? Hello, baby. Mr. Conklin, who are you, sir? Ozzy Conklin is the name gorgeous. I saw your ad in the paper for a used car. Are you still in the market, luscious? Since I was 18. You mean for a car? Well, you see, I... Money, I have a car outside that's a perfect match for those great big glorious baby blue eyes. Where do I sign? Where? Where's the paper? Where is it, sir? This is fantastic. Miss Brooks, you told me you people weighed carefully, all major purchases. Oh, that's true, Mr. Murdoch. Mr. Conklin, do you mind if I ask you a few things first about your car? Certainly, sugar. Do you have an engine? Yes. I'll buy it. Now, how much is it? How much? How much is it? Would 50 be too much, baby? Oh, no. Then make it 75. All right, it's a deal. Now, I sign here, right? Now, there you are. That does it. Miss Brooks, you people here are the most unreliable customers my company has ever dealt with. We're taking back all of our cleaners in the morning and tearing up each and every contract. But, Mr. Murdoch, we're really a reliable family. Oh, yes, I know. In two minutes, a man could send you the Brooklyn Bridge. Really? What is he asking for it? I'm Miss Brooks, starring Ibarge and transcribe. This is directed by Larry Burns, written by Arthur Olesburg in New German with the music of Charles. Be sure to be with us next week for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks.