 here's a clipboard sound let's watch the whole thing first you have no idea what it's like to be a card see these horrors and they do nothing you'll know all right so first of all fantastic sound choice that is an episode this is from this best line uh i don't know my favorite star trek shows and duet the episode is so good there's so many good lines i have i don't know how many saved including this one uh in my audio folder to animate one day it's so good um now looking at this the general note would be i don't think you need this guy unless he is a bit more prominently featured and then you can do this and then after that moment we punch in oh wait i can't pan down uh we would go like that cut to something that's maybe more like this see these horrors and do nothing and just finish it like that the reason being i don't let me go back in it's just at the very beginning with the guy there um it just feels really imbalanced the thirds are good i'm all for that but then he's so at the edge here like i don't know am i supposed to look at him like he's just i guess leave it a bit there for context but it's just so awkward and then as we cut out it's just it's just he's barely there just a kind of an arm and a nose type of thing so it could be either more and he's really listening he could also be sitting you know knee out this way and the head here so you don't have to really show too much into some head animation and he's listening he could be stage where he's maybe standing you know just there like shadowy like blurry feature just for balance or just cut him out completely and then we just have to you know imagine that he talks to someone else i don't want to throw out those things um so we thought we can safely assume he talks to someone and in terms of body mechanics i don't mind stuff like that that's a neat detail and he definitely has you know a broader look but i think after that there's not much going on and you have it's you know it's always still rough but you're going to have a lot in the face this is definitely facial performance and that's why i feel like why not just have this guy more probably in frame and then you know when looks over there he addresses him and again you could have him uh from its back and you know maybe just the seating range is different maybe this could be the chairs like this you know and the guy's just is sitting there listening that's the guy that's his back and he's on another chair and maybe it could be like a counseling session or something right that could be one thing the other thing is careful about this the moment the moment there's text as an audience you go in and you try to read it but it's kind of hidden and you're guessing it and now you have it and during all this time someone might be distracted and not look here um you could just have like a patch you know some some army symbol or something that potentially just tells the story and i'm not sure you need this because again the the line where you know like you have no idea what it's like to be a coward to see these horrors and do nothing if you don't have this it could be then interpreted into all kinds of you know different situations which might also be a good idea so personally subjectively i would take that out maybe do a symbol um i would stage it so that we have that for for bigger balance and then you can address them like that but then that way you show everything but then after that personally i will cut like i said and then really focus on a shot like this but he is still in that third giving him less space here than here which makes it more uncomfortable which adds to that uneasy feel of the line and everything you know so like he is like this and he has all this to look forward to maybe that makes a bit more harrowing to have to have him like this and this you know his future is limited blah blah blah however you want to interpret the composition and how you play with that um that would be my main comment you have no idea what it's like to be a coward see these horrors and do nothing yeah and i think the rest is okay because once because there's so much in his voice his horrors especially here during the pauses this is the moment he remembers all this do nothing and then that's doing all of this pause you could have those little micro expressions of pain and horror of fear of guilt you know it's just you can have maybe a tear me whatever you want to do but it feels like there's so much where you want to really see this and zoom in um and that's why i would cut otherwise this kind of reminds me of goodwill hunting where you know they're seated like this and it's kind of that which you know you can you can go through things where you know like there's different camera angles the whole thing has the whole camera turning around maybe that could be something to emulate maybe but i feel like i don't want to be super distracted by that i mean again it could be something where the character is like this and then once we zoom in and we leave that character like this they could still be something potentially here um you know blurred out foregrounds and then you can have that whole element but i feel like we just want to be alone on that guy just then his expressions i don't know that's that's mostly that i feel like because it's potentially broader change and i don't want to dictate you know it's your shot you're gonna do whatever you want to do um and look at your email it's general notes and body mechanics and then in terms of the i darts i'll write that in the email get some questions about that i think as a general thing since you are okay with um this being put online i think for everybody watching this for i darts i think you just have to be mindful of when you dart and darts go go over one frame two frames sometimes bigger moves three frames but then they become very linear and you don't want to spline them keep them stacked or at least you know post to post from like one frame or two frames and i mean careful how you go especially when you go from like looking over there and then you pop all the way over there like you don't want to do that it's just too jarring we'd have to have a blink or half blink in there in your terms of for your shot for context you have no idea what it's like to be a card see these horrors like see these horrors to me you can play this in two ways even here especially with the inhale exhale you could be darting around a lot because he's he it's not staring off into the distance of my memory maybe it's all those memories are flooding back and he is he's still you know deconstructing that memory he's processing all of this and that's we have all those darts see these horrors and see these horrors and then you have maybe one or two darts and then you hold do nothing and uh and then to me would be go up here one or two darts for the last two memories and then he's just locked probably on that one last image of potentially someone dying in his arms whatever it is or him killing someone he didn't want to and then imagine from that that moment on right up one two darts now the rest is just this so imagine i mean i would do a version of that just to see how it feels but i feel like that ends no darts so the the ending is just you know lots of pain and stuff in here in terms of expressions and like twitches potentially but just eyes i do nothing that could totally work just the hopelessness unless at the end right there do nothing that you can have one more dart where he looks up and he like there's so many ways you can do this but i think there's definitely a pitch to be made of of the ending with no darts whatsoever he's just lost there's that whole beginning it's basically you have movements in the body and in the in the head and the eyes where it's almost like movement movement movement movement movements there where you just you know he's wrestling with everything he looks at him maybe looks at him for approval for forgiveness whatever it is and at the end he's just bam that's the old memory and he can't escape that horror and that's why everything comes to just a stillness and that's your contrast i know that could also be the the cliche way of doing it i don't know but that's my my initial inclination of and this is why you go from a full body to show all this and then you push that contrast into a close-up where really at the end it's just that you know and you can do that all last end thing within at the very end the tear might come in or or you can also do this where see these horrors and see these horrors that and right here and then you close his eyes and the rest eyelids are closed do nothing and do nothing and then just that with instead of instead of this it's a frown it's just the pain he has to close his eyes was so painful could also be just painful with a big squint where he's trying not to cry i mean this there are many ways there are many ways to interpret this um again don't want to dictate this was such a great line and maybe in the future you'll see a shot uh of mine through the same thing don't worry i'm not copying yours but it's just it's such a great episode anybody uh into Star Trek watch this episode duet so great same thing with like the visitor like disney has a lot of really really great episodes anyway i will leave it at that hopefully that's helpful not to rambly um just definitely get me pumped to animate this as well such a good line anyway that's it let me know what you want to do how you want to proceed if this is helpful if you need more tips or anything and that is that all right there's an email you can sign up you can start whenever you want you can submit whatever you want you get 16 submissions either way a like and subscribe would be awesome all right thank you