 Okay, so in today's bite-size CPD, we're going to be thinking about how you can develop some stock phrases to help you communicate calmly at times when you don't feel very calm. So we're thinking about those times when a child's having a bit of anxious or angry meltdown and tempers are kind of rising and you know that what you really need to do is to communicate calmly, but actually you feel like this. So what we know about calm communication, you can watch my other video on that should you wish to, is that essentially we want to talk low, so kind of quieter and lowering the kind of pitch and slow. So I always like to think of those lovely audible narrations, so when you're listening to audiobooks and these people have those lovely velvety voices and they kind of almost like we'd love you to sleep. So be thinking about communicating like that and then we're going to think about developing some phrases that you can use because if you develop some stock phrases you can practice saying them. You can practice saying them when you're walking the dog or when you're in the shower or whatever and you can practice saying them in your low, slow, calm voice so that then when you're feeling like this you're able just to roll with those phrases because you've practiced it and you can tune everything else out and you can be the adult that that child needs you to be rather than the adult that you feel like inside so sometimes we fake it so we make it right. Okay so the kinds of phrases that might work this really can vary massively and it's great if you develop your own and we'll give you a couple of pause moments slightly later in the video for you to do that but just to kind of get you on board with the sorts of thing I'm thinking about. The sorts of things that people have often told me works well for them are things around the fact that you're listening and things around the fact that the child is safe so we know that like anger and frustration likes to be heard so a child needs to know I'm listening there's no need for you to kind of rant and rave and shout I'm listening I'm ready to listen or you know if they're anxious and really really struggling and don't feel safe they need to know it's okay you know I've got this you're safe so phrases that people have shared with me in recent training that they have found to be effective for them I care and I'm listening so I care and I'm listening I'm ready to listen when you're ready to talk that for me sounds a little bit passive-aggressive I'm ready to listen when you're ready to talk but actually in the right circumstance it's exactly what a child needs to hear you know once you're calm enough to communicate I'm going to be here and listening so I'm ready to listen when you're ready to talk next you're safe I've got you a teaching assistant in a recent twilight session I was teaching told me how her colleague always said this to a particular child and that it always soothed this child and she would just hold and say it's okay you're safe I've got you you're safe I've got you and the colleague had no idea that she did it she just did it on automatic pilot and so that was a really lovely moment so you're safe I've got you and then the simple it's going to be okay sometimes that's what we all need to hear so it's going to be okay so our kind of suggested phrases you can pick them apart maybe you hate them but so I care and I'm listening I'm ready to listen when you're ready to talk you're safe I've got you and it's going to be okay so I want to pause for a moment and give you a chance to have a think about the kind of phrases that you can imagine using that might work for the children and young people in your care so what feels right to you okay take a moment what phrases might work for you okay so once you've had a think about the kind of phrases that might work for you then it can be really useful to share them back and maybe actually agree on a few that you might use as a team because it can be really helpful sometimes for children to have that kind of predictability on consistency and also if you've got these kind of agreed phrases that you all feel comfortable using whether that's kind of across the board or with a specific child that can be really helpful so maybe have a think if there are like two or three phrases that you might all share as a staff body that you might all try to use okay and then the other thing is that as well as having kind of stock phrases for kind of use with everyone it can be really helpful to identify if there are individual pupils who might need specific tailored input here now you might want to think about what phrases work well for them and what can work really well here is actually asking them so at a time of calm you can ask them what kind of things help for you to hear when you're feeling kind of overwhelmed what things help you or what things have helped in the past and if the child's not able to articulate that then maybe kind of talking amongst colleagues and noticing what's works well or less well in the past so what I want you to do now is just to have a think about if there are any individual children that you want to do this for and what is your plan with them do you have an idea about the phrases you might use already is there anything that's working well that you can share or do you think that there's a way that you can work with them to work out what those phrases might be so identify the child or children and think about what your next steps are going to be to work out the phrases for that child okay so hopefully that gives you some ideas some food for thought remember that this will work best if you develop a few stock phrases if you practice them regularly so remember in the shower walking the dog whatever you practice saying your phrases in a low slow calm voice remember thinking about these lovely dulcet tones of our narrators of audio books and so on and so forth imagine that you are narrating something on radio 4 and so practice saying them at times of calm and then when you need those phrases then you have practiced this already and remember that when a child is distressed that what they need more than anything is for you to be kind of supportive and calm and yes you might not feel like that but if you are able to use this stock phrases idea to enable you to appear supportive and calm then that enables you to be the adult that that child needs at that time and hopefully will help both you and the child to be better able to manage those moments when things go a little bit interesting good luck I would love to hear what stock phrases you are using and whether you're developing team phrases or if you're doing individualized let me know how you get on with it leave it in comments below and do remember that lots of different people watch these videos so if you share your ideas of something's working well for you or things that aren't working so well leave them in a comment below because it's a great gift to others who are using this to thanks so much for watching I hope it was helpful and please do subscribe and you will be kept up to date with my new videos every Tuesday and Friday cool see you next time bye