 Chapter 17 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Geeson. The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett. Chapter 17. He is concerned in a dangerous adventure with a certain gardener. Sublime's his ideas commences gallant and becomes acquainted with Miss Emily Gauntlet. He and some of his companions one day enter the garden in the suburbs, and having indulged their appetites, desired to know what satisfaction they must make for the fruit they had pulled. The gardener demanded what, in their opinion, was an exorbitant price, and they with many approbrious terms refused to pay it. The peasant, being surly and untractable, insisted upon his right, neither was he deficient or sparing in the eloquence of vulgar abuse. His guests attempted to retreat, a scuffle ensued in which Peregrine lost his cab, and the gardener, being in danger from the number of his foes, called to his wife to let loose the dog, which instantly flew to his master's assistance, and having torn the leg of one and the shoulder of another, put the whole body of scholars to flight. Enraged at the indignity which had been offered them, they solicited a reinforcement of their friends, and with Tom Pipes at their head marched back to the field of battle. Their adversary, seeing them approach, called his apprentice, who worked at the other end of the ground to his assistance, armed him with a mattock while he himself wielded a hoe, bolted his door on the inside, and flanked with his man and mastiff, waited the attack without flinching. He had not remained three minutes in this posture of defence when Pipes, who acted as the enemies for lawn hope, advanced to the gate with great intrepidity, and clapping his foot to the door, which was none of the stoutest, with the execution and dispatch of a patard, split it into a thousand pieces. This sudden execution had an immediate effect upon the apprentice, who retreated with great precipitation and escaped at a postern, but the master placed himself like another Hercules in the breach, and when Pipes, brandishing his cudgel stepped forward to engage him, levelled his weapon with such force and dexterity at his head that had the skull been made of penetrable stuff, the iron edge must have cleft his paint in twain, casemated as he was the instrument cut sheer even to the bone, on which it struck with such amazing violence that sparks of real fire were produced by the collision. And let not the incredulous reader pretend to doubt the truth of this phenomenon until he shall have first perused the ingenious Peter Colburn's natural history of the Cape of Good Hope, where the inhabitants commonly used to strike fire with the shin bones of lions, which had been killed in that part of Africa. Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far from being disabled by the blow, in a trice retorted the compliment with his truncheon, which had not his antagonist expeditiously slipped his head aside, would have laid him breathless across his own threshold. But happily for him, he received the salutation on his right shoulder, which crashed beneath the stroke, and the hoe dropped instantly from his tingling hand. Tom, perceiving and being unwilling to forego the advantage he had gained, darted his head into the bosom of this sun of earth and overturned him on the plane, being himself that instant assaulted by the mastiff who fastened upon the outside of his thigh, feeling himself incommodated by this assailant in his rear, he quitted the prostrate gardener to the resentment of his associates, who poured upon him in shoals, and turning about, laid hold with both his hands of this ferocious animal's throat, which he squeezed with such incredible force and perseverance that the creature quitted his hold. His tongue lulled out of his jaws, the blood started from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless trunk between the hands of his vanquisher. It was well for his master that he did not longer exist, for by this time he was overwhelmed by such a multitude of foes that his whole body scarce afforded points of contact to all the fists that drummed upon him. Consequently, to use a vulgar phrase, his wind was almost knocked out before pipes had leisure to interpose in his behalf and persuaders offenders to desist by representing that the wife had gone to alarm the neighbourhood and in all probability there would be intercepted in their return. They accordingly listened to his remonstrances and marched homewards in triumph, leaving the gardener in the embraces of his mother earth, from which he had not power to move when he was found by his disconsolate helpmate and some friends whom she had assembled for his assistance. Among these was a blacksmith and farrier who took cognisance of his carcass, every limb of which having examined, he declared there was no bone broken and taking out his fleam, blooded him plentifully as he lay. He was then conveyed to his bed from which he was not able to stir during a whole month. His family coming upon the parish, a formal complaint was made to the master of the school and Peregrine represented as the ringleader of those who committed this barbarous assault. An inquiry was immediately set on foot and the articles of impeachment being fully proved, our hero was sentenced to be severely chastised in the face of the whole school. This was a disgrace, the thoughts of which his proud heart could not brook. He resolved to make his elopement rather than undergo the punishment to which he was doomed and having signified his sentiments to his confederates, they promised one and all to stand by him and either screen him from chastisement or share his fate. Confiding in this friendly protestation he appeared unconcerned on the day that was appointed for his punishment and when he was called to his destiny, advanced the scene attended by the greatest part of the scholars who intimated their determination to the master and proposed that Peregrine should be forgiven. The superior behaved with that dignity of demeanor which became his place, represented the folly and presumption of their demand, represented them for their audacious proceeding and ordered every boy to his respective station. They obeyed his command and our unfortunate hero was publicly hoarse in terror of all whom it might concern. This disgrace had a very sensible effect upon the mind of Peregrine who having by this time passed the 14th year of his age began to adopt the pride and sentiments of a man. Thus dishonorably stigmatized he was ashamed to appear in public as usual. He was incensed against his companions for their infidelity and irresolution and plunged into a profound reverie that lasted several weeks during which he shook off his boyish connections and fixed his view upon objects which he thought more worthy of his attention. In the course of his gymnastic exercises at which he was very expert he contracted intimacies with several youths who were greatly his superiors in point of age and who pleased with his aspiring genius and address introduced him into parties of gallantry which strongly captivated his inclination. He was by nature particularly adopted for succeeding in all adventures of this kind. Over and above a most engaging person that improved with his years he possessed a dignified assurance an agreeable ferocity which enhanced the conquest of the fair who had the good fortune to enslave him unlimited generosity and a fund of humour which never failed to please. Nor was he deficient in more solid accomplishments of youth. He had profited in his studies beyond expectation and besides that sensibility of discernment which is the foundation of taste and in consequence of which he distinguished and enjoyed the beauties of the classics he had already given several specimens of a very promising poetic talent. With this complexion and these qualifications no wonder that our hero attracted the notice of the perfections of the young Delias in town whose hearts had just begun to flutter for they knew not what. Inquiries were made concerning his condition and no sooner were his expectations known than he was invited and caressed by all the parents while the daughters vied with each other in treating him with particular complacency. He inspired love and emulation wherever he appeared. Envy and jealous rage followed of course so that he became a very desirable though a very dangerous acquaintance. His moderation was not equal to his success. His vanity took the lead of his passions dissipating his attention which might otherwise have fixed him to one object and he was possessed with the rage of increasing the number of his conquests. With this view he frequented public walks, concerts and assemblies became remarkably rich and fashionable in his clothes, gave entertainments to the ladies and was in the utmost hazard of turning out to most egregious cockscomb. While his character thus wavered between the ridicule of some and the regard of others an accident happened which by contracting his view to one object detached him from those vain pursuits that would in time have plunged him into an abyss of folly and contempt. Being one evening at the ball which is always given to the ladies at the time of the races the person who acted as master of the ceremonies knowing how fond Mr Pickle was of every opportunity to display himself came up and told him that there was a fine young creature at the other end of the room who seemed to have a great inclination to dance a minuet but wanted a partner the gentleman who attended her being in boots. Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this intimation he went up to reconnoiter the young lady and was struck with admiration at her beauty she seemed to be of his own age was tall though slender exquisitely shaped her hair was urban and in such plenty that the barbarity of dress had not been able to prevent it from shading both sides of her forehead which was high and polished the contour of her face was oval her nose very little raised into the aquiline form that contributed to the spirit and dignity of her aspect her mouth was small her lips plump, juicy and delicious her teeth regular and white as driven snow a complexion incredibly delicate and glowing with health and her full blue eyes beamed forth vivacity and love her mean was at the same time commanding and engaging her address perfectly genteel and her whole appearance so captivating that our young Adonis looked and was overcome he no sooner recollected himself from his astonishment than he advanced to her with a graceful air of respect and begged that she would do him the honour to walk a minuet with him she seemed particularly pleased with his application and very frankly complied with his request this pair was too remarkable to escape the particular notice of the company Mr Pickle was well known by almost everybody in the room but his partner was altogether a new face and of consequence underwent the criticism of all the ladies in the assembly one whispered, she has a good complexion but don't you think she is a little awry a second pitted her for her masculine nose a third observed that she was awkward for want of seeing company a fourth distinguished something very bold in her countenance and in short there was not a beauty in the whole composition which the glass of envy did not pervert into a blemish the men however looked upon her with different eyes among them her appearance produced a universal murmur of applause they encircled the space on which she danced and were enchanted by her graceful motion while they launched out in the praise of her they expressed their displeasure at the good fortune of her partner whom they dammed for a little finical cox-cum that was too much engrossed by the contemplation of his own person to discern or deserve the favour of his fate he did not hear therefore could not repine at these invectives but while they imagined he indulged his vanity a much more generous passion had taken possession of his heart instead of that petulance of gaiety for which he had been distinguished in his public appearance he now gave manifest signs of confusion and concern he danced with an anxiety which impeded his performance and blushed to the eyes at every false step he made though this extraordinary agitation was overlooked by the men it could not escape the observation of the ladies who perceived it with equal surprise and resentment and when Peregrine led this fair unknown to her seat expressed their peak in an affected titter which broke from every mouth at the same instant as if all of them had been informed by the same spirit Peregrine was netdled at this unmanly mark of disapprobation and in order to increase their chagrin endeavoured to enter into particular conversation with their fair rival the young lady herself who neither wanted penetration nor the consciousness of her own accomplishments resented their behaviour though she triumphed at the cause of it and gave her partner all the encouragement he could desire her mother who was present thanked him for his civility in taking such notice of a stranger and he received a compliment of the same nature from the young gentleman in boots who was her own brother if he was charmed with her appearance he was quite ravished with her discourse which was sensible, spirited and gay her frank and sprightly demeanour excited his own confidence and good humour and he described to her the characteristics of those females who had honoured them with such a spiteful mark of distinction in terms so replete with humorous satire that she seemed to listen with particular complacency of attention and distinguished every nymph thus ridiculed with such a significant glance as overwhelmed her with chagrin and mortification in short they seemed to relish each other's conversation during which our young daemon acquitted himself with great skill in all the duties of gallantry he laid hold of proper opportunities and expressed his admiration of her charms had recourse to the silent rhetoric of tender looks breathed diverse insidious sighs and attached himself wholly to her during the remaining part of the entertainment when the company broke up he attended her to her lodgings and took leave of her with a squeeze of the hand after having obtained permission to visit her next morning and been informed by the mother the young daemon was Miss Emilia Gauntlet all night long he closed not an eye but amused himself with plans of pleasure which his imagination suggested in consequence of this new acquaintance he rose with the lark adjusted his hair into an agreeable negligence of curl and dressing himself in a gentile grey frock trimmed with silver binding waited with the utmost impatience for the hour of ten he struck when he hide him to the place of appointment and inquiring for Miss Gauntlet was shown into a parlour here he had not waited above ten minutes when Emilia entered in a most enchanting undress with all the graces of nature playing about her person and in a moment riveted the chains of his slavery beyond the power of accident to unbind her mother being still a bed and her brother gone to give orders about the shares in which they proposed to return that same day to their own habitation he enjoyed her company a whole hour during which he declared his love in the most passionate terms and begged that he might be admitted into the number of those admirers whom she permitted to visit and adore her she effected to look upon his vows and protestations as the ordinary effect of Gauntlet and very obligingly assured him that were she to live in that place she should be glad to see him often but as the spot on which she resided was at a considerable distance she could not expect he would go so far upon such a trifling occasion as to take the trouble of providing himself with her mama's permission to this favourable hint he with all the eagerness of the most fervent passion said that he had uttered nothing but the genuine dictates of his heart that he desired nothing so much as an opportunity of evincing the sincerity of his professions and that though he lived at the extremity of the kingdom he would find means to lay himself at her feet provided he could visit her with her mother's consent which he assured her he would not fail to solicit she then gave him to understand that her habitation was about sixteen miles from Winchester in a village which she named and where as he could easily collect from her discourse he would be no unwelcome guest in the midst of this communication they were joined by Mrs. Gauntlet who received him with great courtesy thanking him again for his politeness to Emmy at the ball and anticipated his intention by saying that she should be very glad to see him at her house if ever his occasions should call him that way End of Chapter 17 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 18 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 18 He inquires into the situation of this young lady with whom he is enamored Elopes from school is found by the lieutenant conveyed to Winchester and sends a letter with a copy of verses to his mistress He was transported with pleasure at this invitation which he assured her he should not neglect and after a little more conversation on general topics took his leave of the charming Emilia and her prudent Mamma who had perceived the first emotions of Mr. Pickle's passion for her daughter and been at some pains to inquire about his family and fortune Neither was Peregrine less inquisitive about the situation and pedigree of his new mistress who he learned was the only daughter of a field officer who died before he had it in his power to make suitable provision for his children that the widow lived in a frugal though decent manner on her pension assisted by the bounty of her relations that the son carried arms as a volunteer in the company which his father had commanded and that Emilia had been educated in London at the expense of a rich uncle who was seized with the whim of marrying at the age of 55 in consequence of which his niece had returned to her mother without any visible dependence except on her own conduct and qualifications This account though it could not diminish his affection nevertheless alarmed his pride for his warm imagination had exaggerated all his own prospects and he began to fear that his passion for Emilia would be thought to derogate from the dignity of his situation The struggle between his interest and love produced a perplexity which had an evident effect upon his behaviour He became pensive, solitary and peevish avoided public diversions and grew so remarkably negligent in his dress that he was scarce distinguishable by his own acquaintance This contention of thoughts continued several weeks at the end of which the charms of Emilia triumphed over every other consideration Having received a supply of money from the Commodore who acted towards him with great generosity he ordered pipes to put up some linen and other necessaries in a sort of knapsack which he could conveniently carry and thus attended set out early one morning on foot for the village where his charmer lived at which he arrived before two o'clock in the afternoon having chosen this method of travelling that his route might not be so easily discovered as it must have been had he hired horses or taken a place in the stagecoach The first thing he did was to secure a convenient lodging at the inn where he dined Then he shifted himself and according to the direction he had received went to the house of Mistress Gauntlet in a transport of joyous expectation As he approached the gate his agitation increased He knocked with impatience and concern The door opened and he had actually asked if Mistress Gauntlet was at home before he perceived that the fortress was no other than his dear Emilia She was not without emotion at the unexpected sight of her lover who instantly recognising his charmer obeyed the irresistible impulse of his love and caught the fair creature in his arms Nor did she seem offended at this forwardness of behaviour which might have displeased another of less open disposition or less used to the freedom of a sensible education But her natural frankness had been encouraged and improved by the easy and familiar intercourse in which she had been bred And therefore instead of reprimanding him with a severity of look great good humour rallied him upon his assurance which she observed was undoubtedly the effect of his own conscious merit and conducted him into a parlor where he found her mother who in very polite terms expressed her satisfaction at seeing him within her house After tea Miss Emy proposed an evening walk which they enjoyed through a variety of little coxes and lawns watered by a most romantic stream and chanted the imagination of Peregrine It was late before they returned from this agreeable excursion and when our lover wished the ladies good night Mr Scauntlet insisted upon his staying to supper and treated him with particular demonstrations of regard and affection As her economy was not encumbered with an unnecessary number of domestics her own presence was often required in different parts of the house so that the young gentleman was supplied with frequent opportunities of promoting his suit by all the tender oaths and insinuations that his passion could suggest He protested her idea had taken such entire possession of his heart that finding himself unable to support her absence one day longer he had quitted his studies and left his governor by stealth that he might visit the object of his adoration and be blessed in her company for a few days without interruption She listened to his addresses with such affability as denoted approbation and delight and gently chided him as a thoughtless truant but carefully avoided the confession of a mutual flame because she discerned in the midst of all his tenderness a levity of pride which she durst not venture to trust with such a declaration Perhaps she was confirmed in this caution by her mother who very wisely in her civility to him maintained a sort of ceremonious distance which she thought not only requisite for the honour and interest of her family but likewise for her own exculpation should she ever be taxed with having encouraged or abetted him in the imprudence sallies of his youth Yet notwithstanding this affected reserve he was treated with such distinction by both that he was ravished with his situation and became more and more enamoured every day While he remained under the influence of this sweet intoxication his absence produced great disturbance at Winchester Mr Jolte was grievously afflicted at his abrupt departure which alarmed him the more as it happened after a long fit of melancholy which he had perceived in his pupil He communicated his apprehensions to the master of the school who advised him to apprise the commodore of his nephew's disappearance and in the meantime inquire at all the inns in town whether he had hired horses or any sort of carriage for his conveyance or was met with on the road by any person who could give an account of the direction in which he had travelled The scrutiny though performed with great diligence and minuteness was altogether ineffectual they could obtain no intelligence of the runaway Mr Trunnion was well distracted at the news of his flight He raved with great fury at the imprudence of Peregrine whom in his first transports he dammed as an ungrateful deserter Then he cursed Hatchway and Pipes who he swore had founded the lad by their pernicious councils and lastly transferred his execrations upon Jolte because he had not kept a better look out Finally he made an apostrophe to that son of a bitch, the gout which for the present disabled him from searching for his nephew in person that he might not however neglect any means in his power he immediately dispatched expresses to all the seaport towns on that coast that he might be prevented from leaving the kingdom and the lieutenant at his own desire was sent across the country in quest of this young fugitive Four days had he unsuccessfully carried on his enquiries with great accuracy when resolving to return by Winchester where he hoped to meet with some hints of intelligence by which he might profit in his future search he struck off the common road to take benefit of a nearer cut and finding himself benighted nearer village took up his lodgings at the first inn to which his horse directed him having bespoke something for supper and retired to his chamber where he amused himself with the pipe he heard a confused noise of rustic Jolte which being all of a sudden interrupted after a short pause his ear was subdued with the voice of pipes who at the solicitation of the company began to entertain them with a song Hatchway instantly recognised the well-known sound in which indeed he could not possibly be mistaken as nothing in nature bore the least resemblance to it he threw his pipe into the chimney and snatching up one of his pistols ran immediately to the apartment from whence the voice issued he no sooner entered than distinguishing his old shipmate in a crowd of country peasants he in a moment sprang upon him and clapping his pistol to his breast exclaimed, damn you pipes you're a dead man if you don't immediately produce young master this menacing application had a much greater effect upon the company than upon Tom who looking at the lieutenant with great tranquility replied, why so I can master Hatchway what safe and sound cried the other as a roach answered pipes so much to the satisfaction of his friend Jack that he shook him by the hand and desired him to proceed with his song this being performed in the reckoning discharged the two friends adjourned to the other room where the lieutenant was informed of the manner in which the young gentlemen had made his elopement from college as well as of the other particulars of his present situation as far as they had fallen within the sphere of his comprehension while they sat thus conferring together Peregrine having taken leave of his mistress for the night came home and was not a little surprised when Hatchway entering his chamber in his sea attitude thrust out his hand by way of salutation his old pupil received him as usual with great cordiality and expressed his astonishment at meeting him in that place but when he understood the cause and intention of his arrival he started with concern and his visage glowing with indignation told him he was old enough to be judge of his own conduct and when he should see it convenient would return of himself but those who thought he was to be compelled to his duty would find themselves egregiously mistaken the lieutenant assured him that for his own part he had no intention to offer him the least violence but at the same time he represented to him the danger of incensing the Commodore who was already almost distracted on account of his absence and in short conveyed his arguments which were equally obvious and valid in such expressions of friendship and respect that Peregrine yielded to his remonstrances and promised to accompany him next day to Winchester Hatchway overjoyed at the success of his negotiation went immediately to the hostler and bespoke a post-chase for Mr Pickle and his man with whom he afterwards indulged in a double can of rumbo and when the night was pretty far advanced left the lover to his repose or rather to the thorns of his own meditation for he slept not one moment being incessantly tortured with the prospect of parting with his divine Emilia who had now acquired the most absolute empire over his soul one minute he proposed to depart early in the morning without seeing this enchantress in whose bewitching presence he durst not trust his own resolution then the thoughts of leaving her in such an abrupt and disrespectful manner interposed in favour of his love and honour this war of sentiments kept him all night upon the rack and it was time to rise before he had determined to visit his charmer and candidly impart the motives that induced him to leave her he accordingly repaired to her mother's house with a heavy heart being attended to the gate by Hatchway who did not choose to leave him alone and being admitted found Emilia just risen and in his opinion more beautiful than ever alarmed at his early visit and the gloom that overspread his countenance she stood in silent expectation of hearing some melancholy tidings and it was not till after a considerable pause that he collected resolution enough to tell her that he was come to take his leave though she strove to conceal her sorrow nature was not to be suppressed every feature of her countenance saddened in a moment and it was not without the utmost difficulty that she kept her lovely eyes from overflowing he saw the situation of her thoughts and in order to alleviate her concern assured her he should find means to see her again in a very few weeks meanwhile he communicated his reasons for departing in which she readily acquiesced and having mutually consoled each other their transports of grief subsided and before Mistress Gauntlet came downstairs they were in a condition to behave with great decency and resignation this good lady expressed her concern when she learned his resolution saying she hoped his occasions and inclinations would permit him to favour them with his agreeable company another time the lieutenant who began to be uneasy at Peregrine's stay knocked at the door and being introduced by his friend had the honour of breakfasting with the ladies on which occasion his heart received such a rude shock from the charms of Emilia that he afterwards made a merit with his friend of having constrained himself so far as to fervor commencing his professed rival at length they batted due to their kind entertainers and in less than an hour setting out from the inn arrived about two o'clock in Winchester where Mr Jolte was overwhelmed with joy at their appearance the nature of this adventure being unknown to all except those who could be depended upon everybody who inquired about the cause of Peregrine's absence was told that he had been with a relation in the country and the master condescended to overlook his indiscretion so that Hatchway seeing everything settle to the satisfaction of his friend returned to the garrison and gave the Commodore an account of his expedition the old gentleman was very much startled when he heard there was a lady in the case and very emphatically observed that a man had better be sucked into the Gulf of Florida than get into the indraft of a woman because in one case he may with good pilotage bring out his vessel safe between the Bahamas and the Indian shore but in the other there is no outlet at all and it is in vain to strive against the current so that of course he must be in bade and run chuck upon a lee shore he resolved therefore to lay the state of the case before Gamaliel pickle and concert such measures with him as should be thought likely as to detach his son from the pursuit of an idle amor which could not fail of interfering in a dangerous manner with the plan of his education in the meantime Perry's ideas were totally engrossed by his amiable mistress who whether he slept or waked was still present in his imagination which produced the following stanzas in her praise adieu he streams that smoothly flow he vernal airs that softly blow he planes by blooming springer aid he birds that warble through the shade unhurt from you my soul could fly nor drop one tear nor heave one sigh but forced from Celia's charms depart all joy diverts my drooping heart O fairer than the rosy mourn when flowers that dewy fields adorn unsullied as the genial ray that warms the balmy breeze of May thy charms divinely bright appear and add new splendour to the year improve the day with fresh delight and gild with joy the dreary night this juvenile production was enclosed in a very tender beyer to Emilia and committed to the charge of pipes who was ordered to set out for Mistress Gauntlet's habitation with a present of venison and a compliment to the ladies and directed to take some opportunity of delivering the letter to Miss without the knowledge of her mamar End of Chapter 18 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 19 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 19 His messenger meets with a misfortune to which he applies a very extraordinary expedient that is attended with strange consequences As a stagecoach passed within two miles of the village where she lived Tom bargained with the driver for a seat on the box and accordingly departed on this message though he was but indifferently qualified for commissions of such a nature Having received particular injunctions about the letter, he resolved to make that the chief object of his care and very sagaciously conveyed it between the stocking and the sole of his foot where he thought it would be perfectly secure from all injury or accident Here it remained until he arrived at the inn where he had formally lodged When after having refreshed himself with a draft of beer, he pulled off his stocking and found the poor billet sullied with dust and torn in a thousand tatters by the motion of his foot in walking the last two miles of his journey Thunder struck at this phenomenon he uttered a loud whew which was succeeded by an exclamation of Damn my old shoes, a bite by God Then he rested his elbows on the table and his forehead upon his two fists and in that attitude deliberated with himself upon the means of remedying this misfortune As he was not distracted by a vast number of ideas he soon concluded that his best expedient would be to employ the clock of the parish who he knew was a great scholar to write another epistle according to the directions he should give him and never dreaming that the mangled original would in the least facilitate this scheme he very widely committed it to the flames that it might never rise up in judgment against him Having taken this wise step he went in quest of the scribe to whom he communicated his business and promised a full part by way of hour Having taken this wise step he went in quest of the scribe to whom he communicated his business and promised a full part by way of gratification The clock, who was also schoolmaster proud of an opportunity to distinguish his talents readily undertook the task and repairing with his employer to the inn in less than a quarter of an hour produced a morsel of eloquence so much to the satisfaction of pipes that he squeezed his hand by way of acknowledgement and doubled his allowance of beer This being discussed Arcuria betook himself to the house of mistress Gauntlet with the haunch of venison and this succidaneous letter and delivered his message to the mother who received it with great respect and many kind inquiries about the health and welfare of his master attempting to tip the messenger a crown which he absolutely refused to accept and consequence of Mr Pickle's repeated caution While the old gentlewoman turned to a servant in order to give directions about the disposal of the present Pipes looked upon this as a favourable occasion to transact his business with Emilia and therefore shutting one eye with a jerk of his thumb towards his left shoulder and a most significant twist of his countenance he beckoned the young lady into another room as if he had been fraught with something of consequence which he wanted to impart She understood the hint how so ever strangely communicated and by stepping to one side of the room gave him an opportunity of slipping the epistle into her hand which he gently squeezed at the same time in token of regard then throwing a side glance at the mother whose back was turned clapped his finger on the side of his nose thereby recommending secrecy and discretion Emilia conveying the letter into her bosom could not help smiling at Tom's politeness and dexterity but lest her momasha detect him in the execution of his pantomime she broke off this intercourse of sighs by asking aloud when he proposed to set out on his return to Winchester When he answered, tomorrow morning Miss Gauntlet recommended him to the hospitality of her own footmen desiring him to make much of Mr Pipes below where he was kept to supper and very cordially entertained A young heroine impatient to read her lover's BA which made her heart throb with rapturous expectation retired to her chamber as soon as possible with a view of perusing the contents which were these Divine empress of my soul if the refulgent flames of your beauty had not evaporated the particles of my transported brain and scorched my intellects into a cinder of stolidity perhaps the resplendency of my passion might shine illustrious through the sable curtain of my ink and in sublimity transcend the galaxy itself though wafted on the pinions of a grey goose quill but our celestial enchantress the necromancy of thy tyrannical charms hath fettered my faculties with adamantine chains which, unless thy compassion shall melt I must internally remain in the tartarian gulf of dismal despair vouchsafe, therefore, o thou brightest luminary of this terrestrial sphere to warm as well as shine and let the genial rays of thy benevolence melt the icy emanations of thy disdain which hath frozen up the spirits of angelic preeminence thy most egregious admirer and superlative slave Perry Green Pickle never was astonishment more perplexing than that of Emilia when she read this curious composition which she repeated verbatim three times before she would credit the evidence of her own senses she began to fear in good earnest that love had produced a disorder in her lover's understanding but after a thousand conjectures by which she attempted to account for this extraordinary fustian of style she concluded that it was the effect of mere levity calculated to ridicule the passion he had formally professed irritated by this supposition she resolved to bulk his triumph with effected indifference and in the meantime endeavoured to expel him from that place which he possessed within her heart and indeed such a victory over her inclinations might have been obtained without great difficulty she enjoyed an easiness of temper that could accommodate itself to the emergencies of her fate and her vivacity by amusing her imagination preserved herself from the keener sensations of sorrow thus determined and disposed she did not send any sort of answer or the least token of remembrance by pipes who were suffered to depart with a general compliment from the mother and arrived at Winchester the next day Periguin's eyes sparkled when he saw his messenger come in and he stretched out his hand in full confidence of receiving some particular mark of his Emilia's affection but how was he confounded when he found his hope so cruelly disappointed in an instant his countenance fell he stood for some time silent and abashed then Thrice repeated the interrogation of what not one word from Emilia and dubious of his courier's discretion inquired minutely into all the particulars of his reception he asked if he had seen the young lady if she was in good health if he had found an opportunity of delivering his letter and how she looked when he put it into her hand Pipes answered that he had never seen her in better health or better spirits that he had managed matters so as not only to preserve the BA unperceived but also to ask her commands in private before he took his leave when she told him that the letter required no reply this last circumstance he considered as a manifest mark of disrespect and gnawed his lips with resentment upon further reflection however he supposed that she could not conveniently write by the messenger and would undoubtedly favour him by the post this consideration consoled him for the present and he waited impatiently for the fruits of his hope but after he had seen eight days elapse without reaping the satisfaction with which he had flattered himself his temper foresock him he raved against the whole sex and was seized with a fit of sullen chagrin but his pride in a little time came to his assistance and rescued him from the horrors of the melancholy fiend he resolved to retort her own neglect upon his ungrateful mistress his countenance gradually resumed its former serenity and though by this time he was pretty well cured of his phoppery he appeared again at public diversions with an air of gaiety and unconcern that Emilia might have a chance of hearing how much in all likelihood he disregarded her disdain there are never wanting certain officious persons who take pleasure in promoting intelligence of this sort his behaviour soon reached the ears of Miss Gauntlet and confirmed her in the opinion she had conceived from his letter so that she fortified herself in her former sentiments and bore his indifference with great philosophy thus the correspondence which had commenced with all the tenderness and sincerity of love and every promise of duration was interrupted in its infancy by a misunderstanding occasioned by the simplicity of pipes who never once reflected upon the consequences of his deceit End of Chapter 19 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 20 of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Giesen The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 20 Peregrine is summoned to attend his uncle is more and more hated by his own mother appeals to his father whose condescension is defeated by the dominion of his wife but waving these reflections let us return to Peregrine who received the summons to attend his uncle and in a few days arrived with Mr. Jolter and Pipes at the garrison which he filled with joy and satisfaction the alteration which during his absence had happened in his person was very favourable to his appearance which from that of a comely boy was converted into that of a most engaging youth he was already taller than a middle-sized man his shape ascertained his well-knit, his mean greatly improved and his whole figure as elegant and graceful as if it had been cast in the same mould with the Apollo of Belvedere such an outside could not fail of pre-possessing people in his favour the Commodore notwithstanding the advantageous reports he had heard found his expectation exceeded in the person of Peregrine and signified his approbation in the most sanguine terms Mr. Estranyan was struck with his gentile address and received him with uncommon marks of complacency and affection he was caressed by all the people in the neighbourhood who while they admired his accomplishments could not help pitying his infatuated mother for being deprived of that unutterable delight which any other parent would have enjoyed in the contemplation of such an amiable son Diver's efforts were made by some well-disposed people to conquer if possible this monstrous prejudice but their endeavours instead of curing served only to inflame the distemper and she never could be prevailed upon to indulge him with the least mark of maternal regard on the contrary her original disgust degenerated into such inveteracy of hatred that she left no stone unturned to alienate the Commodore's affection for this her innocent child and even practised the most malicious defamation to accomplish her purpose every day did she abuse her husband's ear with some forged instance of Peregrine's ingratitude to his uncle well knowing that it would reach the Commodore's knowledge at night accordingly Mr. Pickle used to tell him at the club that his hopeful favourite had ridiculed him in such a company and dispersed his spouse on another occasion and thus retail the little scandalous issue of his own wife's invention Luckily for Peregrine the Commodore paid no great regard to the authority of his informer because he knew from what channel the intelligence flowed besides the youth had a staunch friend in Mr. Hatchway who never failed to vindicate him when he was thus unjustly accused and always found argument enough to confute the assertions of his enemies but though Trunnion had been dubious of the young gentleman's principles and deaf to the remonstrances of the Lieutenant Pere was provided with a bulwark strong enough to defend him from all such assaults this was no other than his aunt whose regard for him was perceived to increase in the same proportion as his own mother's diminished and indeed the augmentation of the one was in all probability owing to the decrease of the other two ladies with great civility performed all the duties of good neighbourhood and hated each other most piously in their hearts Mistress Pickle having been disobliged at the splendour of her sister's new equipage had ever since that time in the course of her visiting endeavoured to make people marry with satirical jokes on the poor ladies' infirmities and Mistress Trunnion seized the very first opportunity of making reprisals by invading against her unnatural behaviour to her own child so that Peregrine, as on the one hand he was abhorred so on the other was he caressed in consequence of this contention and I firmly believe that the most effectual method of destroying his interest at the garrison would have been the show of countenancing him at his father's house but whether this conjecture be reasonable or chimerical certain it is the experiment was never tried and therefore Mr Peregrine ran no risk of being disgraced the Commodore who assumed and justly too the whole merit of his education was now as proud of the youth's improvements as if he had actually been his own offspring and sometimes his affection rose to such a pitch of enthusiasm that he verily believed him to be the issue of his own loins notwithstanding this favourable predicament in which our hero stood with his aunt and her husband he could not help feeling the injury he suffered from the caprice of his mother and though the gaiety of his disposition hindered him from afflicting himself with reflections of any gloomy cast he did not fail to foresee that if any sudden accident should deprive him of the Commodore he would in all likelihood find himself in a very disagreeable situation prompted by this consideration he one evening accompanied his uncle to the club and was introduced to his father before that worthy gentleman had the least inkling of his arrival Mr Gamaliel was never so disconcerted as at this re-encounter his own disposition would not suffer him to do anything that might create the least disturbance or interrupt his enjoyment so strongly was he impressed with the terror of his wife that he durst not yield to the tranquility of his temper and as I have already observed his inclination was perfectly neutral thus distracted between different motives when Perry was presented to him he sat silent and absorbed as if he did not or would not perceive the application and when he was urged to declare himself by the youth who pathetically begged to know how he had incurred his displeasure he answered in a peevish strain why good now child what would you have me to do your mother can't abide you if my mother is so unkind I will not call it unnatural said Peregrine the tears of indignation starting from his eyes as to banish me from her presence and affection without the least cause assigned I hope you will not be so unjust as to espouse her barbarous prejudice before Mr. Pickle had time to reply to his expostulation for which he was not at all prepared the Commodore interposed and enforced his favourites remonstrance by telling Mr. Gamaliel that he was ashamed to see any man drive in such a miserable manner under his wife's petticoat as for my own part said he raising his voice assuming a look of importance and command before I would suffer myself to be steered all weathers by any woman in Christendom you see I'd raised such a hurricane about her ears that here he was interrupted by Mr. Hatchway who thrusting his head towards the door in the attitude of one that listens cried hey there's your spouse come to pay us a visit Trunnion's features that instant adopted a new disposition fear and confusion took possession of his countenance his voice from a tone of vociferation sank into a whisper of sure you must be mistaken Jack and in great perplexity he wiped off his sweat which had started on his forehead at this false alarm the lieutenant having thus punished him for the rhodomontard he had uttered told him with an arch snare that he was deceived with the sound of the outward door speaking upon its hinges which he mistook for mistress Trunnion's voice and desired him to proceed with his admonitions to Mr. Pickle it is not to be denied that this arrogance was a little unseasonable to the Commodore who was in all respects as effectively subdued to the dominion of his wife as the person whose submission he then ventured to condemn with this difference of disposition Trunnion's subjection was like that of a bear chequered with fits of surliness and rage whereas Pickle bore the yoke like an ox without repining no wonder then that this indolence, this sluggishness this stagnation of temper rendered Gamaliel incapable of withstanding the arguments and importunity of his friends to which he at length surrendered he acquiesced in the justice of their observations and taking his son by the hand he promised to favour him for the future with his love and fatherly protection but this laudable resolution did not last Mr. Pickle, still dubious of his constancy and jealous of his communication with the Commodore never failed to interrogate him every night about the conversation that happened at the club and to regulate her exhortations according to the intelligence she received he was no sooner therefore conveyed to bed the academy in which all notable wives communicate their lectures when her catechism began and she in a moment perceived something reluctant and equivocal in her husband's answers aroused at this discovery she employed her influence and skill with such success that he disclosed every circumstance of what had happened and after having sustained the most severe rebuke for his simplicity and indiscretion humbled himself so far as to promise that he would next day annul the condescension he had made and forever renounce the ungracious object of her disgust this undertaking was punctually performed in a letter to the Commodore which she herself dictated in these words Sir, where is my good nature being last night imposed upon I was persuaded to countenance and promise I know not what to that vicious youth whose parent the misfortune to be I desire you will take notice that I will revoke all such countenance and promises and she'll never look upon that man as my friend who will in such a cause solicit Sir, yours et cetera Gam pickle End of chapter 20 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 21 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 21 Peregrine is enraged at the conduct of Pickle Peregrine resents the injustice of his mother to whom he explains his sentiments in a letter He's entered at the University of Oxford where he signalizes himself as a youth of an enterprising genius Unspeakable were the transports of rage to which Trunnion was incensed by this absurd renunciation He tore the letter with his gums and teeth he had none spit with furious grimaces in token of the contempt he entertained for the author whom he not only damned as a lousy, scabby, nasty, scurvy, skulking, lubbly noodle but resolved to challenge to single combat with fire and sword but he was dissuaded from this violent measure and appeased by the intervention and advice of the Lieutenant and Mr Jolter who represented the message as the effect of the poor man's infirmity for which he was rather an object of pity than of resentment and turned the stream of his indignation against the wife whom he reviled accordingly Nor did Peregrine himself bear with patience this injurious declaration the nature of which he no sooner understood from Hatchway then equally shocked and exasperated he retired to his apartment and in the first emotions of his ire produced the following epistle which was immediately conveyed to his mother Madam, hath nature formed me a bugbear to the sight and inspired me with a soul as vicious as my body was detestable perhaps I might have enjoyed particular marks of your affection and applause seeing you have persecuted me with such unnatural aversion for no other visible reason than that of my differing so widely in shape as well as disposition from that deformed urchin who is the object of your tenderness and care if these be the terms on which alone I can obtain your favour I pray God you may never cease to hate Madam, your much injured son Peregrine Pickle this letter which nothing but his passion and inexperience could excuse had such an effect upon his mother as may easily be conceived she was enraged to a degree of frenzy against the writer though at the same time she considered the whole as the production of Mistress Trunnion's particular peak and represented it to her husband as an insult that he was bound in honour to resent by breaking off all correspondence with the Commodore and his family this was a bitter pill to Gamaliel who through a long course of years was so habituated to Trunnion's company that he could as easily have parted with the limb as have relinquished the club all at once he therefore ventured to represent his owning capacity to follow her advice and begged that he might be at least allowed to drop the connection gradually protesting that he would do his endeavour to give her all manner of satisfaction meanwhile preparations were made for Peregrine's departure to the university and in a few weeks he set out in the 17th year of his age accompanied by the same attendants who lived with him at Winchester his uncle laid strong injunctions upon him to avoid the company of immodest women to mind his learning to let him hear of his welfare as often as he could find time to write and settled his appointments at the rate of 500 a year including his governor's salary which was one fifth part of the sum the heart of our young gentleman dilated at the prospect of the figure he should make with such a handsome annuity the management of which was left to his own discretion and he amused his imagination with the most agreeable reveries during his journey to Oxford which he performed in two days here being introduced to the head of the college to whom he had been recommended accommodated with gentile apartments entered as gentleman commoner in the books and provided with a judicious tutor instead of returning to the study of Greek and Latin in which he thought himself already sufficiently instructed he renewed his acquaintance with some of his old school fellows whom he found in the same situation and was by them initiated in all the fashionable diversions of the place it was not long before he made himself remarkable for his spirit and humour which was so acceptable to the bucks of the university that he was admitted as a member of their corporation and in a very little time became the most conspicuous personage of the whole fraternity not that he valued himself upon his ability in smoking the greatest number of pipes and drinking the largest quantity of ale these were qualifications of too gross a nature to captivate his refined ambition he peaked himself on his talent for railery his genius and taste his personal accomplishments and his success at intrigue Norway has excursions confined to the small villages in the neighbourhood which are commonly visited once a week by the students for the sake of carnal recreation he kept his own horses traversed the whole country in parties of pleasure attended all the races within 50 miles of Oxford and made frequent jaunts to London where he used to be incognito during the best part of many a term the rules of the university were too severe to be observed by a youth of his vivacity and therefore he became acquainted with the proctor be times but all the checks he received were insufficient to moderate his career he frequented taverns and coffee houses committed midnight frolics in the streets insulted all the sober and pacific class of his fellow students the tutors themselves were not sacred from his ridicule he laughed at the magistrate and neglected every particular of college discipline in vain did they attempt to restrain his irregularities by the imposition of fines he was liberal to profusion and therefore paid without reluctance thrice did he scale the windows of a tradesman with whose daughter he had an affair of gallantry as often he was obliged to seek his safety by a precipitate leap and one night would in all probability have fallen a sacrifice to an amber skade that was laid by the father had not his trusty squire pipes interposed in his behalf and manfully rescued him from the clubs of his enemies in the midst of these excesses Mr. Jolter finding his admonitions neglected and his influence utterly destroyed attempted to wean his pupil from his extravagant courses by engaging his attention in some more laudable pursuit with this view he introduced him to a club of politicians who received him with great demonstrations of regard accommodated themselves more than he could have expected to his jovial disposition and while they revolved schemes for the reformation of the state drank with such devotion to the accomplishment of their plans that before parting the cares of their patriotism were quite overwhelmed Peregrine though he could not approve of their doctrine resolved to attach himself for some time to their company because he perceived ample subject for his ridicule in the characters of these wrong-headed enthusiasts it was a constant practice with them in their midnight consistories to swallow such plentiful drafts of inspiration that their mysteries commonly ended like those of the Bacchanalian Orgia and they were seldom capable of maintaining that solemnity of decorum which by the nature of their functions most of them were obliged to profess now as Peregrine's satirical disposition was never more gratified than when he had an opportunity of exposing grave characters in ridiculous attitudes he laid a mischievous snare for his new confederates which took effect in this manner in one of their nocturnal deliberations he promoted such a spirit of good fellowship by the agreeable sallies of his wit which were purposely leveled against their political adversaries that by ten o'clock they were all ready to join in the most extravagant proposal that could be made they broke their glasses in consequence of his suggestion drank healths out of their shoes, caps and the bottoms of the candlesticks that stood before them sometimes standing with one foot on a chair and the knee bent on the edge of the table and when they could no longer stand in that posture setting their bare posteriors on the cold floor they hazard, hallowed, danced and sang and in short were elevated to such a pitch of intoxication that when Peregrine proposed that they should burn their periwigs the hint was immediately approved and they executed the frolic as one man their shoes and caps underwent the same fate by the same instigation and in this trim he led them forth into the street where they resolved to compel everybody they should find to subscribe to their political creed and pronounce the shibboleth of their party in the achievement of this enterprise they met with more opposition than they expected they were encountered with arguments which they could not well withstand the noses of some and the eyes of others in a very little time bore the marks of obstinate disputation their conductor having at length engaged the whole body in a fray with another squadron which was pretty much in the same condition he very fairly gave them the slip and slyly retreated to his apartment foreseeing that his companions would soon be favoured with the notice of their superiors nor was he deceived in his prognostic the proctor going his round chanced to fall in with this tumultuous uproar and interposing his authority bound means to quiet the disturbance he took cognizance of their names and dismissed the rioters to their respective chambers not a little scandalised at the behaviour of some among them whose business and duty it was to set far other examples for the youth under their care and direction about midnight pipes who had orders to attend at a distance and keep an eye upon Jolta brought home that unfortunate governor upon his back Peregrine having beforehand secured his admittance into the college and among other bruises he was found to have received a couple of contusions on his face which next morning appeared in a black circle that surrounded each eye this was a mortifying circumstance to a man of his character and deportment especially as he had received a message from the proctor who desired to see him forthwith with great humility and contrition he begged the advice of his pupil who being used to amuse himself with painting assured Mr Jolta that he would cover those signs of disgrace with a slight coat of flesh colour so dexterously that it would be almost impossible to distinguish the artificial from the natural skin the rueful governor rather than expose such appropriate tokens to the observation and censure of the magistrate submitted to the expedient although his counselor had overrated his own skill he was persuaded to confide in the disguise and actually attended the proctor with such a staring addition to the natural ghastliness of his features that his visage bore a very apt resemblance to some of those ferocious countenances that hang over the doors of certain taverns and ale houses under the denomination of the Saracen's head such a remarkable alteration of physiognomy could not escape the notice of the most undiscerning beholder much less the penetrating eye of his severe judge already whetted with what he had seen overnight he was therefore up braided with this ridiculous and shallow artifice and together with the companions of his debauch underwent such a cutting reprimand for the scandalous irregularity of his conduct that all of them remained crestfallen and were ashamed for many weeks to appear in the public execution of their duty Peregrine was too vain of his finesse to conceal the part he acted in this comedy with the particulars of which he regaled his companions and thereby entailed upon himself the hate and resentment of the community whose maxims and practices he had disclosed for he was considered as a spy who had intruded himself into their society with the view of betraying it or at best as an apostate and renegade from the faith and principles which he had professed End of Chapter 21 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 22 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 22 He is insulted by his tutor whom he lampoons makes a considerable progress in polite literature and in an excursion to Windsor meets with Emilia by accident and is very coldly received Among those who suffered by his craft and infidelity was Mr Jumble, his own tutor who could not at all digest the mortifying affront he had received and was resolved to be revenged on the insulting author With this view he watched the conduct of Mr Pickle with the utmost ranker of vigilance and let slip no opportunity of treating him with disrespect which he knew the disposition of his pupil could less brook than any other severity it was in his power to exercise Peregrine had been several mornings absent from chapel and as Mr Jumble never failed to question him in a very peremptory style about his non-attendance he invented some very plausible excuses but at length his ingenuity was exhausted he received a very galling rebuke for his profligacy of morals and that he might feel it the more sensibly was ordered by way of exercise to compose a paraphrase in English verse upon these two lines in Virgil Juan e Ligur fustraco e animi selate superbis ne qui quampatri as tentas di lubricos artes The imposition of this invidious theme had all the desired effect upon Peregrine who not only considered it as a piece of unmanally abuse levelled against his own conduct but also a retrospective insult on the memory of his grandfather who as he had been informed was in his lifetime more noted for his cunning than candor in trade exasperated at this instance of the pedant's audacity he had well nigh in his first transports taken corporal satisfaction on the spot but foreseeing the troublesome consequences that would attend such a flagrant outrage against the laws of the university he checked his indignation and resolved to revenge the injury in a more cool and contemptuous manner thus determined he set on foot an inquiry into the particulars of Jumble's parentage and education he learnt that the father of this insolent tutor was a bricklayer but his mother sold pies and that the son in different periods of his youth had amused himself in both occupations before he converted his views to the study of learning fraught with this intelligence he composed the following ballad in doggerel rhymes and next day presented it as a gloss upon the text which the tutor had chosen come listen ye students of every degree I sing of a wit and a tutor per die a statesman profound, a critic immense in short a mere jumble of learning and sense and yet of his talents though laudably vain his own family arts he could never attain his father intending his fortune to build in his youth would have taught him the trowel to wield but the mortar of discipline never would stick for his skull was secured by a facing of brick and with all his endeavours of patience and pain the skill of his sire he could never attain his mother a huzzif neat artful and wise renowned for her delicate biscuit and pies soon altered his studies by flattering his taste from the raising of walls to the rearing of paste but all her instructions were fruitless and vain the pie making mystery he ne'er could attain yet true to his race in his labours was seen a jumble of both their professions I wean for when his own genius he ventured to trust his pies seemed of brick and his houses of crust then good mister tutor pray be not so vain since your family arts you could never attain this impudent production was the most effectual vengeance he could have taken on his tutor who had all the supercilious arrogance and ridiculous pride of a low-born pedant instead of overlooking this petulant piece of satire with that temper and decency of disdain that became a person of his gravity and station he no sooner cast his eye over the performance than the blood rushed into his countenance and immediately after exhibited a ghastly pale colour with a quivering lip he told his pupil that he was an impertinent jackanapes and he would take care that he should be expelled from the university for having presumed to write and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous libel Peregrine answered with great resolution that when the provocation he had received should be known he was persuaded that he should be acquitted by the opinion of all impartial people and that he was ready to submit the whole to the decision of the master this arbitration he proposed because he knew the master and jumble were at variance and for that reason the tutor durst not ventured to put the cause on such an issue nay when this reference was mentioned jumble who was naturally jealous suspected that Peregrine had a promise of protection before he undertook to commit such an outrageous insult and this notion had such an effect upon him that he decided to devour his vexation and wait for a more proper opportunity of gratifying his hate meanwhile copies of the ballad were distributed among the students who sang it under the very nose of Mr. Jumble to the tune of a cobbler there was etc and the triumph of our hero was complete neither was his whole time devoted to the riotous extravagances of youth he enjoyed many lucid intervals during which he contracted a more intimate acquaintance with the classics applied himself to the reading of history improved his taste for painting and music in which he made some progress and above all things cultivated the study of natural philosophy it was generally after a course of close attention to some of these arts and sciences that his disposition broke out into those irregularities and wild sallies of a luxuriant imagination for which he became so remarkable and he was perhaps the only young man in Oxford at the same time maintained an intimate and friendly intercourse with the most unthinking as well as the most sedate students at the university it is not to be supposed as a young man of Peregrine's vanity inexperienced and profusion could suit his expense to his allowance liberal as it was for he was not one of those fortunate people who were born economists and knew not the art of withholding his purse when he saw a companion in difficulty thus naturally generous and expansive he squandered away his money and made a most splendid appearance upon the receipt of his quarterly appointment but long before the third month was elapsed his finances were consumed and as he could not stoop to ask an extraordinary supply was too proud to borrow and too haughty to run in debt with tradesmen he devoted those periods of poverty to the prosecution of his studies and shone forth again at the revolution of the quarter day in one of these eruptions he and some of his companions went to Windsor in order to see the royal apartments in the castle whether they repaired in the afternoon and as Peregrine stood contemplating the picture of Hercules and Omphale one of his fellow students whispered in his ear as soon as pickle there are two fine girls he turned instantly about and in one of them recognized his almost forgotten Emilia her appearance acted upon his imagination like a spark of fire that falls among gunpowder that passion which had lain dormant for the space of two years flashed up in a moment and he was seized with a trepidation she perceived and partook of his emotion for their souls like unisons vibrated with the same impulse however she called her pride and resentment to her aid and found resolution enough to retire from such a dangerous scene alarmed at her retreat he recollected all his assurance and impelled by love which he could no longer resist followed her into the next room where in the most disconcerted manner he accosted her with your humble servant Miss Gauntlet to which salutation she replied with an affectation of indifference that did not however conceal her agitation your servant sir and immediately extending her finger towards the picture of Duns Scotus which is fixed over one of the doors asked her companion in a giggling tone if she did not think he looked like a conjurer Peregrine netled into spirits by this reception answered for the other lady that it was an easy matter to be a conjurer in those times when the simplicity of the age assisted his divination but were he or Merlin himself to rise from the dead now when such deceit and dissimulation prevail they would not be able to earn their bread by the profession oh sir said she turning full upon him without doubt they would adopt new maxims it is no disparagement in this enlightened age for one to alter one's opinion no sure madam replied the youth with some precipitation provided the change before the better and should it happen otherwise retorted the nymph with a flirt of her fan in constancy will never want countenance from the practice of mankind true madam resumed our hero fixing his eyes upon her examples of levity are everywhere to be met with oh lord sir cried Emilia tossing her head you'll scarce ever find a fop without it by this time his companion seeing him engaged with one of the ladies entered into conversation with the other and in order to favour his friend's gallantry conducted her into the next department Tom pretends of entertaining her with the sight of a remarkable piece of painting Peregrine laying hold on this opportunity of being alone with the object of his love assumed a most seducing tenderness of look and heaving a profound sigh asked if she had utterly discarded him from her remembrance reddening at this pathetic question which recalled the memory of the imagined slight he had put upon her she answered in great confusion sir I believe I once had the pleasure of seeing you at a ball in Winchester Miss Emilia said he very gravely will you be so candid as to tell me what misbehavior of mine you are pleased to punish by restricting your remembrance to that single occasion Mr. Pickle she replied in the same tone it is neither my province nor inclination to judge your conduct and therefore you misapply your question when you ask such an explanation of me at least resumed our lover give me the melancholy satisfaction to know for what offence of mine you refused to take the least notice of that letter which I had the honour to write from Winchester by your own express permission your letter said Miss with great vivacity neither required nor in my opinion deserved an answer and to be free with you Mr. Pickle it was but a shallow artifice to rid yourself of a correspondence you had deigned to solicit Peregrine confounded at this repartee replied that how so ever he might have failed in point of elegance or discretion he was sure he had not been deficient in expressions of respect and devotion for those charms which it was his pride to adore as for the verses said he I own they were unworthy of the theme but I flattered myself that they would have merited your acceptance though not your approbation and been considered not so much as the proof of my genius as the genuine effusion of my love verses cried Emilia with an error of astonishment what verses I really don't understand you the young gentleman was thunderstruck at this exclamation to which after a long pause he answered I begin to suspect and heartily wish it may appear that we have misunderstood each other from the beginning Premis gauntlet did you not find a copy of verses enclosed in that unfortunate letter truly sir said the lady I am not so much of a connoisseur as to distinguish whether that facetious production which you merrily style as an unfortunate letter was composed in verse or prose but me thinks the jest is a little too stale to be brought upon the carpet again so saying she tripped away to her companion and left her lover in a most tumultuous suspense he now perceived that her neglect of his addresses when he was at Winchester must have been owing to some mystery which he could not comprehend and she began to suspect and to hope that the letter which she received was spurious though she could not conceive how that could possibly happen as it had been delivered to her by the hands of his own servant however she resolved to leave the task of unraveling this affair to him who she knew would infallibly exert himself for his own as well as her satisfaction she was not deceived in her opinion he went up to her again at the staircase and as they were unprovided with a male attendant insisted upon squiring the ladies to their lodgings Emilia saw his drift which was no other than to know where she lived and though she approved of his contrivance thought it was incumbent upon her for the support of her own dignity to decline the chivalry she therefore thanked him for his polite offer but by no means consents to his giving himself such unnecessary trouble especially as they had a very little way to walk he was not repulsed by this refusal the nature of which he perfectly understood nor was she sorry to see him persevere in his determination he therefore accompanied them in their return and made divers efforts to speak with Emilia in particular but she had a spice of the coquette in her disposition and being determined to whet his impatience artfully baffled all his endeavours by keeping her companion continually engaged in the conversation which turned upon the venerable appearance and imperial situation of the place thus tantalised he lounged with them to the door of the house in which they lodged when his mistress perceiving by the countenance of her comrade that she was on the point of desiring him to walk in checked her intention with a frown then turning to Mr Pickle dropped him a very formal curtsy seized the other young lady by the arm and saying come cousin Sophie vanished in a moment End of Chapter 22 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 23 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Geeson The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle Volume 1 by Tobias Smollett Chapter 23 After sundry unsuccessful efforts he finds means to come to an explanation with his mistress and a reconciliation ensues Peregrine disconcerted at their sudden disappearance stood for some minutes gaping in the street before he could get the better of his surprise and then deliberated with himself whether he should demand immediate admittance to his mistress or choose some other method of application peaked at her abrupt behaviour though pleased with her spirit he set his invention to work in order to contrive some means of seeing her and in a fit of musing arrived at the inn where he found his companions whom he had left at the castle gate they had already made inquiry about the ladies in consequence of which he learnt that Miss Sophie was daughter of a gentleman in town which his mistress was related that an intimate friendship subsisted between the two young ladies that Emilia had lived almost a month with her cousin and appeared at the last assembly where she was universally admired and that several young gentlemen of fortune had since that time teased her with the dresses our hero's ambition was flattered and his passion inflamed with this intelligence and he swore within himself that he would not quit the spot until he should have obtained an undisputed victory over all his rivals that same evening he composed a most eloquent epistle in which he earnestly untreated that she would favour him with an opportunity of vindicating his conduct but she would neither receive his biais nor see his messenger balked in this effort he enclosed it in a new cover directed by another hand and ordered pipes to ride next morning to London on purpose to deliver it at the post office that coming by such conveyance she might have no suspicion of the author and open it before she should be aware of the deceit three days he waited patiently for the effect of this stratagem and in the afternoon of the fourth ventured to hazard a formal visit in quality of an old acquaintance but here too he failed in his attempt she was indisposed and could not see company these obstacles served only to increase his eagerness he still adhered to his former resolution and his companions understanding his determination left him next day to his own inventions thus relinquished to his own ideas he doubled his acidity and practised every method his imagination could suggest in order to promote his plan pipes were stationed all day long within sight of her door that he might be able to give his master an account of her motions but she never went abroad except to visit in the neighbourhood and was always housed before Peregrine could be apprised of her appearance he went to church with a view of attracting her notice and humbled his deportment before her but she was so mischievously devout as to look at nothing but her book so that he was not favoured with one glance of regard he frequented the coffee house and attempted to contract an acquaintance with Miss Sophie's father who he hoped would invite him to the house but this expectation was also defeated that prudent gentleman looked upon him as one of those forward fortune hunters who go about the country seeking whom they may devour and warily discouraged all his advances chagrined by so many unsuccessful endeavours he began to despair of accomplishing his aim and as the last suggestion of his art paid off his lodging took horse at noon and departed in all appearance for the place from whence he had come he rode but a few miles and the dusk of the evening returned unseen alighted at another inn ordered pipes to stay within doors and keeping himself incognito employed another person as a sentinel upon Emilia it was not long before he reaped the fruits of his ingenuity next day in the afternoon he was informed by his spy that the two young ladies were gone to walk in the park whether he followed them on the instant to come to an explanation with his mistress even in presence of her friend who might possibly be prevailed upon to interest herself in his behalf when he saw them at such a distance that they could not return to town before he should have an opportunity of putting his resolution in practice he mended his pace and found means to appear before them so suddenly that Emilia could not help expressing her surprise in a scream our lover putting on a mean of humility and mortification begged to know if her resentment was implacable and asked why she had so cruelly refused to grant him the common privilege that every criminal enjoyed Dear Miss Sophie, said he addressing himself to her companion give me leave to employ your intercession with your cousin I am sure you have humanity enough to espouse my cause did you but know the justice of it and I flatter myself that by your kind interposition I may be able to rectify that fatal misunderstanding which has made me wretched Sir, said Sophie, you appear like a gentleman and I doubt not but that your behaviour has always been suitable to your appearance but you must excuse me from undertaking any such office in behalf of a person whom I have not the honour to know Madam answered Peregrine I hope Miss Emmy will justify my pretensions to that character not withstanding the mystery of her displeasure which upon my honour I cannot for my soul explain Lord, Mr Pickle, said Emilia who had by this time recollected herself I never questioned your gallantry and taste but I am resolved that you shall never have cause to exercise your talents at my expense so that you tease yourself and me to no purpose Come, Sophie, let us walk home again Good God! Madam cried the lover with great emotion why will you distract me with such barbarous indifference Stay, dear Emilia I conjure you on my knees to stay and hear me by all that is sacred I was not to blame you must have been imposed upon by some villain who envied my good fortune and took some treacherous method to ruin my love Miss Sophie who possessed a large stock of good nature and to whom her cousin had communicated the cause of her reserve seeing the gentleman so much affected with that disdain which she knew to be feigned laid hold on Emilia's sleeve saying with a smile Not quite so fast, Emily I begin to perceive that this is a love quarrel and therefore there may be hopes of a reconciliation for I suppose both parties are open to conviction For my own part, cried Perrigan with great eagerness I appeal to Miss Sophie's decision but why do I say appeal though I am conscious of having committed no offence I am ready to submit to any penance let it be never so rigorous that my fair enslave herself shall impose provided it will entitle me to her favour and forgiveness at last Emily, well now overcome by this declaration told him that as she taxed him with no guilt she expected no atonement and pressed her companion to return to town but Sophie who was too indulgent to her friend's real inclination to comply with her request observed that the gentleman seemed so reasonable in his concessions that she began to think that her cousin was in the wrong and felt herself disposed to act as umpire in the dispute Overjoyed at this condescension Mr Pickle thanked her in the most rapturous terms and in the transport of his expectation kissed the hand of his kind media tricks a circumstance which had a remarkable effect on the countenance of Emilia who did not seem to relish the warmth of his acknowledgement After many supplications on one hand and pressing remonstrances on the other she yielded at length and turning to her lover while her face was overspread with blushes Well sir, said she supposing I were to put aside the difference on that issue how could you excuse the ridiculous letter which you sent me from Winchester This expostulation introduced a discussion of the whole affair in which all the circumstances were canvassed and Emilia still affirmed with great heat that the letter must have been calculated to affront her for she could not suppose the author was so weak as to design it for any other purpose Peregrine who still retained in his memory the substance of this unlucky epistle as well as the verses which were enclosed could recollect no particular expression which could have justly given the least umbridge and therefore in the agonies of perplexity begged that the whole might be submitted to the judgement of Miss Sophie and faithfully promised to stand to her award In short, this proposal was with seeming reluctance embraced by Emilia and an appointment made to meet next day in the place where the both parties would desire to come provided with their credentials according to which definitive sentence would be pronounced Our lover, having succeeded thus far overwhelmed Sophie with acknowledgments on account of her generous mediation and in the course of their walk which Emilia was now in no hurry to conclude whispered a great many tender protestations in the ear of his mistress who nevertheless continued to act upon the reserve until her doubts should be more fully resolved Mr Pickle having found means to amuse them in the fields till twilight was obliged to wish them good even after having obtained a solemn repetition of their promise to meet him at the appointed time and place and then retreated to his apartment where he spent the whole night in various conjectures on the subject of the letter the Gordian knot of which he could by no means untie One while he imagined that some wag had played a trick on his messenger in consequence of which Emilia had received a supposititious letter but upon further reflection he could not conceive the practicability of any such deceit then he began to doubt the sincerity of his mistress who perhaps had only made that a handle for discarding him at the request of some favoured rival but his own integrity forbade him to harbour this mean suspicion and therefore he was again involved in the labyrinth of perplexity Next day he waited on the rack of impatience for the hour of five in the afternoon which no sooner struck than he ordered pipes to attend him in case there should be occasion for his evidence and repaired to the place of rendezvous where he had not tarried five minutes before the ladies appeared Mutual compliments being passed and the attendants stationed at a convenient distance Peregrine persuaded them to sit down upon the grass under the shade of a spreading oak that they might be more at their ease while he stretched himself at their feet and desired that the paper on which his doom depended might be examined It was accordingly put into the hand of his fair arbitress who read it immediately with an audible voice The first two words of it were no sooner pronounced and he started with great emotion and raised himself upon his hand and knee in which posture he listened to the rest of the sentence and sprang upon his feet in the utmost astonishment and glowing with resentment at the same time exclaimed, Hell and the Devil! What's all that? Sure you make a jest of me, madam Praise her, said Sophie Give me the hearing of a few moments and then urge what you shall think proper in your own defence Having thus cautioned him, she proceeded but before she had finished one half of the performance her gravity foresoaked her and she was seized with a violent fit of laughter in which neither of the lovers could help joining notwithstanding the resentment which at that instant failed in the breasts of both The judge, however, in a little time resumed her solemnity and having read the remaining part of this curious epistle all three continued staring at each other alternately for the space of half a minute and then broke forth at the same instant in another paroxysm of mirth From this unanimous convulsion one would have thought that both parties were extremely well pleased with a joke yet this was by no means the case Emily imagined that notwithstanding his affected surprise her lover in spite of himself had received the laugh at her expense and in so doing applauded his own unmanally ridicule This supposition could not fail of raising and reviving her indignation while Peregrine highly resented the indignity with which he supposed himself treated in their attempting to make him the dupe of such a gross and ludicrous artifice This being the situation of their thoughts their mirth was succeeded by a mutual gluminess of aspect and the judge addressing herself to Mr. Pickle asked if he had anything to offer why sentence should not be pronounced Madam answered the culprit I am sorry to find myself so low in the opinion of your cousin as to be thought capable of being deceived by such shallow contrivance Nay, sir, said Emilia, the contrivance is your own and I cannot help admiring your confidence in imputing it to me Upon my honour, Miss Emily, resumed our hero you wrong my understanding as well as my love in accuse me of having written such a silly, impertinent performance The very appearance and address of it is so unlike the letter which I did myself the honour to write that I dare say my man, even at this distance of time will remember the difference So saying he extended his voice and beckoned to Pipes who immediately drew near His mistress seemed to object to the evidence by observing that to be sure Mr. Pipes had his cue When Peregrine begging she would spare him the mortification of considering him in such a dishonourable light desired his valet to examine the outside of the letter and recollect if it was the same which he had delivered to Miss Gauntlet about two years ago Pipes having taken a superficial view of it pulled up his breeches saying may happiness but we have made so many trips and been in so many creeks and corners since that time that I can't pretend to be certain for I neither keep journal nor logbook of our proceedings Emilia commended him for his candour at the same time darting a sarcastic look at his master as if she thought he had tampered with his servant's integrity in vain and Peregrine began to curse his fate for having subjected him to such mean suspicion attesting heaven and earth in the most earnest manner that far from having composed and conveyed that stupid production he had never seen it before nor been privy to the least circumstance of the plan Pipes now for the first time perceived the mischief which he had occasioned and moved with the transports of his master for whom he had a most inviolable attachment frankly declared he was ready to make oath that Mr. Pickle had no hand in the letter which he delivered All three were amazed at this confession the meaning of which they could not comprehend Peregrine after some pause leapt upon Pipes and seizing him by the throat exclaimed in an ecstasy of rage Rascal, tell me this instant what became of the letter I entrusted to your care The patient valet half strangled as he was squirted a collection of tobacco juice out of one corner of his mouth and with great deliberation replied Why burnt it you wouldn't have me to give to the young woman a thing that shook all in the wind in tatters would you The ladies interposed in behalf of the distressed squire from whom by dint of questions which he had neither art nor inclination to evade they extorted an explanation of the whole affair Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence of intention appeared in the composition of his expedient that even the remembrance of all the chagrin which it had produced could not rouse their indignation or enable them to resist a third eruption of laughter which they forthwith underwent Pipes was dismissed with many menacing injunctions to beware of such conduct for the future Emilia stood with a confusion of joy and tenderness in her countenance Peregrine's eyes kindled into rapture and when Miss Sophie pronounced the sentence of reconciliation advanced to his mistress saying Truth is mighty and will prevail then clapping her in his arms very impudently ravished a kiss which she had not power to refuse Nay such was the impulse of his joy that he took the same freedom with the lips of Sophie calling her his kind media tricks and guardian angel and behaved with such extravagance of transport as plainly evinced the fervour and sincerity of his love I shall not pretend to repeat the tender protestations that were uttered on one side or describe the bewitching glances of approbation with which they were received on the other suffice it to say that the endearing intimacy of their former connection was instantly renewed and Sophie who congratulated them with the happy termination of their quarrel favoured with their mutual confidence In consequence of this happy pacification they deliberated upon the means of seeing each other often and as he could not without some previous introduction visit her openly at the house of her relation they agreed to meet every afternoon in the park till the next assembly at which he would solicit her as a partner and she be unengaged in expectation of his request by this connection he would be entitled to visit her next day and thus an avowed correspondence would of course commence this plan was actually put into execution and attended with a circumstance which had well nigh produced some mischievous consequence had not Peregrine's good fortune been superior to his discretion End of Chapter 23 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey