 Craft presents the great gildersleeve Company who also bring you ving-cross be every Thursday night present each week at this time Harold Perry is the great gildersleeve written by Leonard L. Levinson And now it's time to join that busy businessman that's solid citizen and that Unxious uncle truck Morton P. Gildersleeve who's arrived home from the office an hour earlier than usual today because of a splitting headache Oh Good afternoon my tree. I close the office early on economy splitting headache. Oh, that's too bad. How are you feeling just wonderful? What about the headache? Oh, she went home She yes, I didn't have the headache. It was my secretary miss rep Vogel I kept telling the girl a poor girl to get glasses, but she thinks they'll spoil her good looks that girl ever wore glasses She could see that she hasn't any good looks That's probably why she doesn't wear them Anyhow after she left I guess I got a touch of spring fever Oh, yes, you know in the spring a young man's fancy a lightly turns at the thoughts That's from loxley's hall at Tennyson Into our backyard just now. Hi, Uncle Mort. There's a goat in our backyard. Here's a goat So a real-life billy goat with all the accessories appeared at one end of the tail at the other if And two horns. Oh, well and a very good bumper too. I'll bet What's it doing in our yard? Well, it pulls up some of those onions you planted and right now it's having dinner onions I never planted. Oh good heavens. Those are my crocus bulbs. Oh, why didn't you stop him? Hey, Uncle Mort? Please come along and help. Yes, certainly my dear come along Leroy. Oh gee crocus. Do you think it'll croak the goat? Leroy, I can see you don't know very much about a goat's suggestion Now you get right out of my flower garden you old dick Make himself eating my flowers. It's not time to quit. Yes. All right, my dear no see here What's the goat's name Leroy? I don't know we just can't call him anonymous. Oh, I know let's call him Horace after Judge Horace Hooker There's quite a resemblance between those two old goats anyway Uncle Mort you don't really mean that no Leroy the goats more intelligent looking Hurry Uncle Mort. Well, you've been talking that goat's eating four crocuses all the nasturtiums and now he started on my lilies. Lilies he has has he? You get away from those lilies Horace quickly now before you wind up holding one of them the radishes too Leroy help me drag him out of there. Well, maybe I can handle it myself. Oh come on. Come on out of there Horace Oh boy nice little goat. Look Uncle Morty, look. Here he is. Stop that Horace. Let go. Unhand me, sir Yes, Horace, don't you uncle sleeve you might choke on the buttons Be nice to your Uncle Mort. I'm not that goat's Uncle Mort Now Leroy you take this silly Billy back to its owner I don't know who he belongs to nobody around here keeps goats. You must have wandered in from out of town Well, you can wander right back out again. You hear that goat beat it skidoo. It's a moose. That's Spanish for scram Leroy Vipercasa. What's that? That Portuguese for vermoose Ah jeepers, couldn't we keep him for just a little while? Leroy we're not running a by-the-wee for belligerent Billy goats But he'd make a keen pet. Young man your pets have been my peeve We've let you keep rabbits turtles and frogs and chipmunks, but goats are more than I can stomach Then goodness knows I can stomach a lot I agree Uncle Mort. Now how can we get rid of him? I'll call the city hall. The city hall? Yes, there must be some department down there that handles runaway goats. But gee uncle, why can't we just keep him? I'll tell you why my boy in the first place He doesn't belong to us the second place whoever owns him might want him back in the third place I won't have him tearing up our place in the first place Quiet you Why shouldn't I lose my temper been on this telephone till I've gotten a cauliflower ear Well, maybe no one that's down at city hall wants a goat There must be some department that handles them down there Leroy by George. What are we paying taxes for? Operator wake up. Did you have a nice nap? This is still Flock Morton P. Gillersley. Oh, yeah One moment, please. I'd like to see Hitler hold his breath for one of her moments Leroy did you tie that goat to the tree like I told you to? Yes, I did uncle. He chewed through the rope. Oh dear What's he doing now? Oh nothing just standing there eating the rest of the rope Well, let's give him enough rope and maybe he'll operate her. I want somebody to come and get my goat Mr.. Int was a line calling about a goat, but this goat isn't sick Hello, mr.. Botkin we've got a goat down at our house. I know it hasn't any nose How does it smell? It's a perfectly healthy goat that look it's straight into our yard We want you to come and take it away, but I just the inspector a goat smell. This isn't an anti goat It's a bill didn't mislead it. I found it because it isn't mine. Oh, it's a goat a Goat use what on the lake what the planning commission? I just want to find out how to get rid of a goat I'll be glad to then what happens Time for you to trot off the bed. Oh, but gee it's early on can't I read to the end of the chapter? No young man before you go to your room I want you to go outside and chase that miserable goat out of our yard You mean tonight right now and lock the gate so we can't get back in again Okay, but it's a pretty tough break for the old fella no place to turn to late at night I thought you just said it was early sure for me, but not for a goat. Yeah, it's pretty sad No, no, let's not get sentimental about a billy goat. Yeah But how would you feel if it was a cold night and you were all alone in a strange city and you were a goat? Well, I'd feel too hot. Oh, I know I'm not a goat Just suppose and you were Horace Is Leroy sit down we're going to have a little man-to-man talk She like Andy Hardy Just sit down young man. I don't want to appear hard-hearted But we've got to look at this entire goat problem from the practical standpoint understand. Yes, sir Now first of all am I this goat's keeper? Did I invite him to come here and live with us? No, but you never told him he couldn't come either uncle. What's that got to do? Let's be calm about this Leroy The problem with you young man is that you're too impulsive. I am yes You should carefully consider what you're jumping into and then don't jump Why what business would we have owning a goat? Oh, it's well business. We can run him out to the neighbors as a lawnmower. Yes, oh That's not the point Leroy. Let's get down to cold bear facts. Sure poor old Horace is cold and bear and that's a fact And homeless and lonesome too, but you've got to realize my boy that that isn't our fault Oh, I do want and I realize it wouldn't be our fault either if we threw him out and it started to rain And he caught cold and wound up with double pneumonia. Yes doubles. Oh, yes That's perfectly true. If you think it's gonna rain. What are we care if it does? I never heard of a goat catching double pneumonia before Well, suppose it doesn't and he may starve to death or get run over by a truck Oh, I'd hate to think that it's Leroy. Maybe I've been too impulsive. Oh, no, well, I guess I better go out and chase Horace Out of our backyard. Yes, sir. If you needn't bother my boy. I'll take care of those things myself Never mind Leroy it might rain and if that poor old goat hasn't got anywhere else to go It won't hurt us if he spends the night under our mulberry bush She presumpting we're gonna keep it. There you go acting impulsive again But he hasn't given us any trouble since he had his dinner. Yeah, do you remember what he had for dinner a delicious set of Grandma gilder sleeves lace curtains But he won't do it again. I'll watch him on how about it. Well, we'll see Leroy I'm gonna see that you get straight to bed. Come on I'm going to my room anyway, there's no blanket in my closet I'm gonna take outside for that goat in case it gets cold tonight, or if he gets hungry Well, I don't think you need to bother up. He'll be just fine without that. Well, seeing that I'm the host of course. I might as well You know what's going on in your room Nothing a well, let's take a look macros. That's the last straw Do you think that was the last straw judge hooker? No, I put that Horace Horace. I mean that gold I put him outside after that and he spent the night bleeding his brains out Yeah, what have you done about it today? Well, I placed an ad in a lost and found section of the newspaper My goodness, Dottie, what's happened now? Well, your goat has developed the worst habit. He's playing games with everybody. What sort of games? Well, there's one called button button who's gonna get the button. Oh My goodness, yes, it usually starts with somebody playing drop the handkerchief And then the goat plays hop, skip and bump and then bingo, you're it. Great jumping jeeps. Come on judge Let's go. Thank you for telling us Dottie. Well, that's all right Well, the neighbors say they're gonna sue you for damages, but for the life of me Shake a leg judge before that goat bust me into bankruptcy who by George there he is now He's a cute-looking fella. Yes, there are people who think you're cute-looking to judge and for the very same reason What do you mean? Oh any similarity between you and that goat is purely coincidental, but there's still definitely a similarity After you Mr. Gil please afternoon to you too judge. I don't suppose the owner of that goat showed up No, so he didn't he's a powerful smart man that man is However, there was another man around here looking for the buy that goat. Well, why didn't you sell it to him? Well, I suppose not dead and the owner showed up. That's how people get their cells in the pokey in But we have a legal right to sell this animal now, haven't we judge? That's right The decision was handed down in state of Nebraska versus to unclaimed guinea pigs later amended to Nebraska versus unspecified number of guinea pigs That's fine judge now pretty do you remember the name of the man who wanted to buy that goat? No, sir I don't know what a pity, but he left his card here. Oh, it's card. Good. Let's have it. Thanks. You I'll pick it up And never mind ready. I'll get it. Look, I'll tell you get up. Here comes that vote. What'd you say judge? Here, let me help you up. You aren't hurt. Are you guilty? No, no, of course not judge. I'm just practicing forced landings Where is that goat? You better get rid of him. That's guilty. That's just what I'm gonna do I'm gonna sell him right now. Where's that man's card I dropped when it was on the grass a minute ago Yes, it was right away. Oh, somebody stopped that goat. Yeah, it's too late. He just chewed up the card with the customer's name We'll hear from the great gilded slave again in just a moment But first I want to spread the good news All you busy homemakers will be tickled pink to know that there is a way to make delicious macaroni and cheese fast In fact, you can make fluffy light macaroni drenched in cheese goodness in just seven minutes cooking time The product called craft dinner holds the secret of this speed in every craft dinner package There's a quick cooking macaroni that needs no baking at all Also some craft grated that in a twinkling gives you a grand cheese flavor through and through Just seven minutes at the stove and you have a marvelous main dish fluffy tender macaroni drenched in cheese Goodness the family will say craft dinner is just about the best macaroni and cheese you ever made and you'll say craft dinner is a Positive treasure on days when you have to work fast to get lunch and on time or for dinners when you've spent the afternoon shopping or working late On your defense job. So stock the emergency shelf tomorrow with several packages of craft dinner Now let's return to the great gilded slave who's putting the finishing touches on a temporary goat pen to hold Horace until he can be sold given away or just tied to some fans and ran from There we are Leroy and there you are mr. Goat But I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap in the hammock Leroy Okay, you take it easy. I'm going over to piggy bank house and see if his mother will let him take horse All right only don't wake me up unless she's foolish enough to say yes Gee poor Uncle Morton. He's getting to the eggway. He can't take these things Oh My gosh James We've been looking for you haven't we girl We just come from my first day lesson We need to do some quick to practice on before we forget everything we learned just now So come on little man. Let us bandage you up. Nothing doing Sally the last time you guys wrapped up my leg My foot was asleep all afternoon Besides, I never see a lady about a goat Now it looks like we'll have to practice on each other. Oh, no, let's see if birdie's here Oh birdie, would you like to come out here and be a victim a victim of what miss Marge circumstance? Of a broken leg brain burns everything no ma'am I have absolutely no inclinations in that direction. Oh, we just want to practice for a stay down you We're just going to pretend that you're hurt. Can't you do it? Just pretending. I'm bad, too I've got a pressing engagement to press that dress. She wants to wear tonight But if you want me to leave that's a goal. No, no, no birdie. No, we'll we'll find someone else Doesn't your uncle over there in the hammock? He'd make an awfully jolly patient wouldn't he? Oh, I don't know. You think we've gotten enough bandages to go around Choose a dummy to practice our first aid on and the kind of nobody else will you have to disturb yourself in the least because we Can go right ahead this shoe flies away He's asleep. We shouldn't disturb him daddy. If Uncle Mort's asleep, I don't think even daddy can disturb him Do you mean it's all right to proceed? Sure. Just as long as we don't treat him too roughly or push him out of the hammock Oh goody. I've just been waiting for a chance like this to practice my journey could now just also mr. Gilder see Well, this would be a good time to work on chess bandages. No, I'm afraid we'd have to get him up for that Well, couldn't I just roll a bandage around here man to hammock? Oh, yeah Yes, I would seem logical Well, what are you going to do Margie? Oh, I think I'll work on that treatment for burning rub some of this sav and uncle's face We'll probably keep him from getting sunburned, too This sad is certainly strong Your uncle is certainly a sound sleeper. Yes, just listen to that sound I never thought it would take so many mad bandages to go around your uncle's circumference Margie Yeah, that takes in a lot of territory doesn't it? Gosh, is this stuff a sticky? Anyone have an extra handkerchief? Mm-hmm. Just a second and I'll be through. Then? Oh Dottie dobson, what do you do the time you get on the nest? I can't get up. Who typed? Well, why'd you do it? You'll get away from me. Oh, your nose is cold. Quit licking my face. Hehehehe I think you'd better figure out some way to get rid of that goat Because the animosity against him on the outside is beginning to penetrate on the inside What do you mean, Brady? Well, I happen to know a certain very reliable and capable cook Who has been offered the most lucrative position in a completely goatless household Oh, should I be more pacific? Yes No, no, no, I think I understand, Brady, and I'm trying to get rid of Horace, too Well, I sure hope she does, and instantaneously too. I'm tired of flying a kite from the second floor every time I got close to dry, and ran a skillet whenever I have to bustle out into the yard. And you folks ain't had it so easy either. You can have buffet dinners every night standing up. Well, that's not doing to that birdie. It's a painful subject there. Oh, excuse me, Uncle Lord, I didn't know you were here. Come here, young man. Oh, man. Of course you. Leroy, did you have anything to do with Horace chasing the postman down the street and then eating our morning mail? Well, only indirectly, Uncle Moore. You see, I was trying to train him to fetch the mail inside every morning the way Piggy Bank's dog does. Well, he fetched it inside, all right. Buy him a muzzle. What's the use? He'd eat that, too. What we should do is saw off his horns, trim off his beard, and then tip off the dog catcher. You can't do that, Uncle Moore. He likes you. Every time he sees you, a look stails into his great, big, beautiful blue eyes. Too bad I couldn't see that look when I was bending over to find the keyhole last night. You knocked me clear into the sitting room. Now what, as if I didn't know. Mr. Gilersleeve? Yes, that's me. I'm from the city hall. Do you keep a goat on these premises in violation of the city's owning code? Of course you do. I can see him from here. If you have county license to conduct a goat dairy is provided for on the civil statute of this state, I thought not. As a foresight goat proven a nuisance to server to the peace and minister life, limb, and real estate values, I thought as much better get rid of him at once, Gilersleeve, that goat is putting into everybody's business today. All right, that's enough of me. Get your cap, Leroy, and come along. OK. Where are we going, Uncle? You heard the man. We're going to take that backyard battering ram out to the country and get rid of him. Hey, here, Horace. Come on, nice little goat. It's your, you lead him around to the car, Leroy. All right. Careful, Uncle, you'll trip your shoelaces untied. Shoelace untied? Oh, thank you. I've got to take a bow. Oh, forgot to un-kick those hollers. I don't see him, where is he? Right back here, no, no. I fooled him that time. How old? I'm wearing my air raid warden helmet, where it'll do the most good. At Farmer, oh yes, but this is our eighth stop, Leroy. I never thought there were so many goat haters in this part of the country. Hello there, neighbor. Well, hello there. How would you like to buy a dandy goat at a cheap price? No, thank you, gentlemen. Gee, why not? This goat's as too stubborn. They're used like yak asses, sir. But just look at this animal. He's a genuine gem. A genuine gem? He looked more like a york by the end. You can have him for only $2. No, no, too high. All right, I'm tired of hauling him around the countryside. You can have him for nothing. That's still too high. Well, and suppose I give you $3 or $4, how about that? Oh, no, you're joshing me. I'm not joshing you, joshing you. Well, what do you say? No. But why not? That goat is worth $10 for sure. Have you asked last something then wrong? Sure. You get along now, get off my property. I don't want no dealings with hot goats. Well, for the hot goats. Horace, what have you done? Gee, look at the upholstery in the back seat. The upholstery? Oh, where is it? I got the haters. All right, brother, this is the end of the line. Do what? Open that back door, Leroy. Now get out, Horace. Shut the door quickly, Leroy. All right. Goodbye, Horace. Yeah, goodbye, Horace. Well, let's get home, Leroy. This is cool. Ah. My goodness, look, we're out of gas, Leroy. Horace, get away from those tires. It's 7 o'clock this March. You still want to wait dinner for Mr. Gil's leaving, Leroy? Oh, yes, Bertie, just a little while longer anyhow. Oh, I do hope they come back without that goat. Yes, ma'am, and so does everybody else who's ever come in contact with him. So to give the devil his dues, that Horace had the most personality I ever saw in a goat. Too bad it was all negative. Oh, I don't know what we'll do if they're bringing back again. You think we could hide him someplace where the neighbors wouldn't find out? No, ma'am, they shall get the wind of it somehow. I guess you're right. Well, here we are. Oh. Is it dinner ready, Bertie? Yes, sir. How about that Horace goat? Oh, we found out who owned him and gave him back. You did? Who does he belong to? Summerfield Railroad Yards. The Railroad Yards? Well, I've heard of donkey engines and car catchers, but what of goats do all the railroad? Well, that Horace works down at the stockyards. He leads the sheep out of the pens and into the boxcars. Yeah, when he ran away, they thought he'd been shipped somewhere by mistake. Yes, they were terribly glad to get him back again, because it's practically impossible to move the sheep unless he leads them. Oh, thank goodness that's all over. You said it. Well, now if you both get all cleaned up, I'll put dinner on right away. Oh, dinner and if I got an appetite. Yeah, me too. Come on, Uncle Morton. Yes, sir. You don't know what a load this is off my shoulders. Why, I feel like if, uh, I feel like something's wrong. What's that noise outside? Come on, come on, man. It sounds like you better go to the door, Uncle. Yes, I'll soon find out. Ah! Oh, great jumping sheets. Horace has come back again, and he's brought all his little sheep friends with him. The great yellow slave will be with us again in just a few minutes. Meanwhile, I'd like to mention that macaroni and cheese is one of America's favorite dishes. 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Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randolph. This is Jim Vannon speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company and inviting you to be with us again next week at this same time. For the further adventures of the great Gildersley, the program has come to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.