 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as a job as a comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic How to touch a guy five ways men like to be touched how to touch a guy five ways men like to be touched Really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please do me a favor and hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call Heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart Occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence and if f-bombs aren't your thing then I highly recommend logging off right now Lastly, I just want to say this. This is merely my perspective although. I'm a dating a relationship coach I do not consider myself a expert by any stretch of the mean So I'm just simply offering perspective if it resonates with you great, and if it doesn't that's okay, too I'm here to hopefully expand your horizons a little bit more than the average person does in these mediums All right, let's talk. Let's just jump into those five ways men like to be touched So if you're not familiar with the book the five love languages the five love languages Here's a copy of the book it's written by Gary Chapman and he talks about the five primary love languages How we're able to give and receive love? with another human being and It's a fascinating book and if you've never read it I highly recommend it if you've never taken the quiz I highly recommend doing it You can type in five love languages on your laptop right now and or your smartphone or your tablet or your desktop and Take a quiz if you don't know what your love language is, but the five primary love languages are words of affirmation Although for us Leo's it's words of adoration Or at least I can say that for myself number two is quality time Number three is physical touch number four is acts of service and number five is Gips my brain there for a second So I would highly recommend each one of you finding out what your love language is now. What's interesting is I suspect Most people in their top three Include physical touch. I'm gonna repeat that. I believe that most people either it's number two or number three Is their top love languages physical touch? In fact for many people physical touch is their top-level language Now I'm gonna open up the book in a moment and share some things that are in the book However, I want to say this There are plenty of people and I mean a significant number of people where physical touch is very Uncomfortable for them. I'm repeat that physical touch is very uncomfortable for them And chances are it's probably stems from a childhood wound or trauma a Childhood wound or trauma that makes it very difficult for them to actually get physical with another human being And I don't mean just physical in the sense of sexual I mean simply hugging another person for some people is very uncomfortable And yet the vast majority of people do truly appreciate physical touch certainly especially in the area of Faciality right especially in the area of physical intimacy with another human being physical touches rather an important thing And if you follow my channel, you know since men are often driven by lust or limerence in the early stages of dating Mostly that lust is I want to have sex with you kind of feeling in the early stages of dating It's not uncommon that physical touches is probably one of the top three love languages for most men Now what I'm going to share with you those five things that men like but I want to I want to open up the book for a second Because what's interesting if you haven't read the book I highly recommend it But there's obviously there's a appropriate appropriate touch and inappropriate touch and we're not going to lean into that today And then there's implicit or explicit touch, which we're not going to lean into that. There's sensitive forms of touch We're not going to get into that. There's certainly physical touch versus sexuality But I really highly recommend reading this book so you can get a better understanding of learning how to maybe even touch in a better way I'm gonna repeat that learning how to touch in a better way And again as I said before a lot of people are not touchy feely people. They feel very uncomfortable with physical touch So this isn't singular to men. This isn't singular to women. This is human beings However, as I said a moment ago and what we're going to lean into today Is most people who seek romantic relationships are actually doing so because they want to connect with another human being You want to physically touch another human being and especially coming off of this pandemic where many people have been Isolated for so long Many people are just craving touch with another person So i'm going to share today What I think are five of many different type of touches men like Okay, I thought this would be a fun video for us to explore today before we get into our usual q&a So I hope you enjoy what i'm about to share. So I have my trusty notes there You can see my notes. You can see my notes for those who are watching on instagram and number one Is touching his arm touching his arm touching his arm Now I want to share with you a couple stories here that illustrates this A couple years back. I met a woman through facebook And we were facebook friends. We hadn't been facebook friends for that long And we end up communicating a number of times and when we decided to meet for a drink and it was very Platonic, it wasn't necessarily a date per se I will say though though I will say though that when we immediately met each other there was strong mutual attraction There was strong mutual attraction. So when we sat down the bar We were really kind of hitting it off because again It was platonic to some degree And yet it was a quasi date if you will And I remember as we were talking and I guess she was sitting next to me at the bar And I remembered noticing her just lightly touching my arm while we were talking And I suspect it was even unconscious for her that she was doing it and while she was doing it It it didn't feel sexual in any sense. It didn't feel inappropriate But I remembered at that moment. I go, you know what? physical touch Is probably my number two love language and why I say that I always thought quality time was my number two Love language after words and again as I said before I'm a leo and we leo's love words Words of adoration as I said But um Not but and I I just remembered that physical touch was very intoxicating to me And while that relationship didn't go anywhere, um for a number of different reasons and there's no need to get into that I I've witnessed this on a couple different occasions even with friends of mine. Let me repeat that I've witnessed a couple different times with even friends of mine in relationship, and I'll never forget one of my friends Who's in a relationship with a woman? I guess it was there I guess they'd been dating for a few months and we were just sitting at dinner or we were sitting at a bar We were talking There was the three of us and I just noticed she was lightly touching his arm And I later asked her I go Do you do you realize you were touching his arm? She was completely unaware she was doing it and I asked him later how he felt about and he said oh my god I loved it. So I guess this is a common practice for her and he certainly loved it. So that's number one touching a man's arm Okay, number two is um Is running your hair through running your fingers through a guy's hair Okay, now obviously for many of us in midlife a lot of guys don't have hair That's certainly the guys that do and even the bald guys that we like our head to be touched I mean it feels rather sexy It reels feels rather playful when someone is running their fingers through your hair if you've ever done this before to a guy And again, let me just preface this what i'm about to share This isn't first date second date kind of stuff This is where you feel comfortable being somewhat intimate with another human being I repeat that you feel comfortable being intimate because physical touch Is a very intimate thing and I don't mean intimate in the sexual sense. I mean intimate in that personal sense So running your hand fingers through a guy's hair, whether it's the back of his head Whether it's the front I mean most likely wouldn't be the front of his head It would most likely be the back is something a lot of guys love and appreciate So that's certainly a physical touch that many men really do love Okay, number three And and this is something I witnessed uh with a female friend of mine She was in relationship with a guy and I remember we were out uh, we were out drinking one night Not that i'm a heavy drinker. I guess we were just out socializing. I should say And while she was with them she just playfully slapped him on his arm She playfully slapped him on his arm for something he said And I just remembered the two of them giggling and laughing over the whole thing but this playful action Of just physical like hitting someone and if you think about this in grade school It was very common for boys or girls to hit one another So this really leans into something in our childhood with those playful things that happen in our childhood And certainly hitting a guy on his arm in a playful manner in a flirtatious manner is something that we like Provided that you're both on the same page. I mean, certainly I'm not suggesting going off and smacking some guy for no good reason whatsoever But as a way to just say hey, we're playful for one another. We're we're flirting with one another It's like it's like looking at life and not taking it so seriously Oh my god And on just a complete side note. I mean, it seems like everybody is so darn uptight these days Especially with the cancel culture and everything that's happening in the world. We need more levity We need more comedy We need more play and a nice way to have fun with your guy is simply Slap him on the arm in a playful way when you guys are disagreeing about something or being Being or at least or maybe you're not even disagreeing. You're just you know having fun over something you just simply smack him Now number four is something I talk about at the end of every one of my videos And it's really important to talk about this today And I want to lean into the hug hugging someone You know Most of the time people give very passive hugs to one another and one thing I've learned through my spiritual community And my my circle of friends the importance of a genuine long Six seven eight nine ten second hug, you know even longer Holding someone. I don't mean cuddling with them. I'm not talking about in bed or anything like that I'm talking about when you greet one another to actually hold one another in a very long Hug with one another a very long hug with one another. In fact, let's I'm just going to do it right now one two three four five six seven eight nine See, I mean there's a power in hugging One another and I'm here to say that I'd love to see people hugging each other more In relationship. In fact, I see so few couples at least in my circle of friends I see it frequently, but I'm going to say to you I wonder how many couples are genuinely Hugging one another from a compassionate loving place And this is what I want to encourage everyone to incorporate this physical touch in their repertoire Of a hug because there is nothing more loving than giving another human being a hug Is this sinking in is this resonating? I hope it is. Please hit that like button All right, and lastly And this is a personal favorite of mine Whether I not all men like this But most men do is when a woman grabs a guy on the butt when a woman grabs the guy on a on their butt That is a very sexy thing to do. It's a physical touch thing I mean we could even incorporate that slap on the butt But something in a playful fun way To say a matter of fact even when kissing, you know when you grab someone's butt when you're kissing them these are very Very playful fun ways to really connect with your partner and that's what physical touch is all about Let's face it the primary reason to even one of the primary reasons to be in romantic relationship with someone else Is the capacity to be able to physically touch one another on a regular basis Because it's no fun sitting at home. You know for lack of a better word touching yourself touching yourself um, and I'm here to say That physical touch is an important aspect in relationship So if you haven't again coming back to the book the five love languages If you haven't read the five love languages, I highly recommend reading this and especially the topic on physical touch because Again, it's a very important aspect of relationship And my hope is these five little playful ways I've talked about physical touch today Might shift a little bit in your current relationship or what you're about to do in a future relationship All right. I hope you found value in this now since this is a live stream. We're going to jump on to the q&a so Just a reminder if you're on live You can write in the in the live chat You can write the word question and then post your question there after so I can see the word question and post your question Thereafter also if you'd like to purchase a super sticker super chat This is only on the live stream on youtube super stickers and super chats all the monies that you Pay into the super stickers super chats go to a scholarship fund that's in the name of my son Connor The scholarship fund is to help defray the cost of personal development. By the way my son Connor There's a picture of him right there. There's a picture of him right there That's my son who passed away a few years ago So in his honor in salty's honor if you do purchase a super sticker super chat It goes in his name for a scholarship fund for those who need a little bit of support when it comes to personal development All right, so if you have any questions post the word question and then write your question out This is time for our q&a. This is the best part of this So I hope you're finding value in the content so far. So let's see what we have here today bum bum bum Catherine says I'm a huge quality hugger love love love hugging wimpy hugs are just blah. Yes, I agree wimpy hugs are just blah If you have a question post the word question. Okay, here we go from Nicole question On a first date. Is it appropriate to touch or hug your date on a first date? Is it appropriate to touch or hug your first date? I believe From the perspective of first and foremost feeling comfortable and feeling safe So I wouldn't do anything unless I felt comfortable and safe Now here's the challenge with a lot of first dates is most the time we're meeting total strangers We're meeting total strangers So it's going to be very difficult to feel safe With to touch or hug someone that you don't know really well Now as I shared in the previous story That woman who was that facebook friend of mine. We had actually communicated with one another quite a bit We had a number of mutual friends So when we physically saw each other one of the first things we did was give each other a hug Now that's oftentimes a common thing even for people who are meeting total strangers to give them a hug when you first meet them So But I wouldn't recommend this if you don't feel safe if you don't feel comfortable You know sadly The dating process is rather dysfunctional because we are no longer meeting people who we know Let me repeat that we're no longer. Well, let me reframe that we're rarely meeting people We know or have some sort of familiarity or at least a degree of separation with others we know So when we feel safer with somebody because there's some level of familiarity We can feel safer to physically touch them So coming back to the first date if you feel comfortable by all means, you know And you might need to now quite frankly I will tell you ever since the me too movement I have been more selective in my circle of friends when I'm with a group of women Oftentimes ask permission is okay if I give you a hug Or it's okay if I give you a you know kiss on the cheek or something like that Especially when I've done a personal development workshop where there's a lot of Of intimacy that's or excuse me vulnerability Involved where there's been some deep transparency authenticity vulnerability happening I've learned now to ask permission. So I think from the male perspective. It's better to ask for permission Um and from the female perspective you can do the same. Hey, can I give you a hug? Hey, can I give you a hug? Hey, can I give you a hug? I think that's a sexy thing to ask of a guy and most likely most men are going to say yes And I'd be shocked if one doesn't but if he does there's a good chance that physical touch might not be his love language And he might have some trauma related to touch That might be something worth exploring later on down the road. So, um, Nicole, thank you for that question question. That's great All right, let's see what other questions we have here. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming Bump bump bump. If you have a question post the word question Um makes it easier for me to find All right, here we go Cole says really enjoyed today's live chat. Sorry to hear about the loss of Connor I'm sure he's smiling at you feeling very proud of his dad. You sound like an amazing dad. Oh, thank you so much Cole. I really appreciate that. Yes folks All right, I'll probably get emotional now um Thank I just want to say thank you. I'm gonna hold back right now. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, let's take another question Vanessa question says I don't like being touched. I start to panic my partner loves being touched How can I feel not so vulnerable and open up a little more? I wasn't hugged a lot by my parents That's a great question. So Vanessa. That's not my area of expertise now I would highly look into emotional release work I would certainly consider doing the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into your childhood wounds and traumas Uh specifically in relationship to your parents and you might want to start by doing some Emotional release work and some forgiveness work when it comes to your parents. That's certainly one way I might consider uh googling workshops where with maybe with just women That um involve physical touch. I know some of my circle of friends here in los angeles. There's the red tent event Just a name of uh one. Um, I'm sure there's others. I I can't think of it right now But I'll try to come back to you on that later Um, I would highly recommend doing some forgiveness work and looking at maybe doing a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas That have caused this um Emotional release work or semonic therapy look up semonic therapy as well. This is all based on Physically excising all of that negative energy that retains in our body Folks, do you realize we we can retain so much negative energy that we can actually be causing a A sabotaging event In our dating life because of so much residual negative energy It bleeds into almost every area we operate and sadly in this particular case She's even expressed because of this childhood wound It's made it difficult for her to really connect on a physical level with this man She's seeing so those would be some of my recommendations at this point um To move forward. Um, did that help? I I so hope that did. Um, Vanessa and definitely I would check out reading the book as well as the recommended um Work that I'd suggested for you. So thank you so much. Great question all right Kerry ask question. Why do you think It's amusing or normal just out Wait, why do you think well now? Why do women think it's amusing or normal just out of Right flirt with other people's boyfriend just started two months ago from strangers Okay, so if I understand why do some women think it's amusing or normal to flirt with someone else's boyfriend Now I guess the question is is it genuine flirting or is it a perception or is it a projection on your part? Let me repeat that is it genuine flirting is your friend Really trying to steal your boyfriend. Okay, let's get down to what's really happening Is your friend really trying to steal your boyfriend? Or are they just being playful? Or are you being triggered by this action of a friend? Okay, now I don't know the answer to that because you're gonna have to look at that for yourself However to the fact that someone might think it's amusing I mean, certainly there's sociopathic women who are are absolute. By the way, if you have a friend Who's that is mean? And uncaring for you and would try to steal your boyfriend. I've kicked the living shit out of her okay, that's maybe an exaggeration but I would have a talk with her By the way, my coffee mug says swear a little you'll feel better. Swear a little you'll feel better. So Yeah, I would I would I would have a chat with her Um, because it's not amusing to actually try to steal someone's boyfriend Let's face it You know people are insecure and sometimes flirting with by the way, I my best friend I kind of flirt with his girlfriend the other day I was complimenting her and I was telling her how what a great girlfriend she is to my my friend Is that flirting or is that just being a kind loving human being to another? I mean depends on how you look at it. So again, I invite you to look inward Is it a projection on your part or were they actually trying to steal your friend? That's just my quick perceptions on that But to the extent someone thinks it's amusing Again, if it's legitimately trying stealing that's bullshit All right, great question. Carrie. Thank you so much All right, we are rocking and rolling Let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming Jenny says the Hoffman process has daily meditations on instagram. Yes The Hoffman process has daily meditations on instagram highly recommend checking that out. Thank you for pointing that out Jenny, I really appreciate it. Jenny also says I like physical touch with men. I like yes I like physical touch with women. I like I actually do like hugging my my male friends as well, but mostly I would prefer physical touch from a partner Um where we can run the gamut of physical touch. So thank you so much. Jenny. I appreciate that Um All right, Suzanne says Question I like being touched too. Is there something wrong with me? Suzanne, of course not just as we talked about physical touch one of the top five Love Lang one of the five love languages physical touch is a very Uh important part of a romantic relationship to touch your partner By the way, I did a video a while back We talked about the four a's that are required for a healthy happy juicy delicious relationship and that is attention affection appreciation and acceptance affection attention affection Touching one another is so important to actually spend time Exploring each other You know, here's the thing most people date very passively and they date without any intentionality I recommend so many different books when I shoot my videos to encourage everyone to look beyond the surface Of just having a good time and men are the proprietor protectors and men are hunters and women are nurturers And that's all you have to do is just sit back in your feminine energy And everything will magically work out because if you sit in your feminine a guy is just going to naturally Climb to the tallest tower the highest room in the tallest tower and he will claim you because he's chivalrous folks Most humans are fucked up We are riddled with insecurities We are by the way dating triggers the number one emotional health issue Most folks are faced with this. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. This is what we're faced with So we have to at least my invitation for everyone is to stop creating ridiculous Expectations from another human being and just show up the way you want to be treated I'm gonna repeat that show up the way you want to be treated I shared this in the last livestream But I I heard some terrible dating advice from someone that that was telling women If a guy Took you out to dinner and treated on a date, but he didn't pay for the valet. Don't accept a second date Don't accept a second date and I'm thinking to myself Wow This is how bad it is that that's going to be the reason why by the way he treated for drinks He treated for dinner or whatever it was and then he didn't pay the valet my my My argument is why didn't she offer to treat his? Why aren't we showing up the way we want to be treated? But no jonathan men are the leaders and men are supposed to do all the work And we just sit back on our feminine energy and it's just going to magically work out Folks that's bullshit if you want to be in a healthy happy relationship It has to be on a two-lane street two cars in a two-lane street driving together making effort mutually Don't be careful of this narrative that men are supposed to do the work And you just sit back in your feminine energy and everything's just going to magically work out Folks i'm a big proponent of men and women alike being empowered in their own Sovereignty their own self worth their own self-esteem. It's why I wrote the book What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. I wrote this book Not based on masculine and feminine energy and it's not a dating book. It's about being empowered within yourself And said sadly the vast majority of human beings are emotionally immature or stunted at best It's because the ego is doing all the work And it comes the ego is coming out in a very expectation based way So going back to that woman's advice. It's I expect you to pay my valet that way. I know you're worthy Folks that is not a demonstration of worthiness That's just a demonstration of someone's ego saying I need you to do something for me Where is it? Can I do something for you? By the way, I recognize that men are just as well as jackasses in the dating process as well as women are Same, okay? We have a lot of clueless people which is why it's a fucking clusterfuck out there Do you know I did a post in my youtube community today? And I said what percentage of people do you believe are actually emotionally mature enough to be in relationship? And I think over two-thirds 66% thought that it's less than 20% of the population is actually mature enough to be in a healthy happy relationship Think about that And that's men and women alike So this is what we're dealing with this is why I recommend reading books like eight dates by doctors john and julie gotten And so you can learn the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship This is why I recommend reading the book non violent communication by marshall rosenberg So you can learn how to communicate in a healthier happy way because most people are communicating in a very violent way By the way, this book book should have been titled compassionate communication But the vast majority of people are communicating with one another in a very lack of compassionate way Because there's so many fucking expectations in the dating process. I'm sorry I've gone on in a rant, but this is what happens sometimes. I scream at the top of my lungs Because it's like touching you're trying i'm trying to tell children not to touch fire stop touching fire Start approaching the process from a place of love and compassion for yourself first And then love and compassion for others and expectations is the mother of disaster and desperation is her twin sister All right, I went off on a total tangent there susanne. Thank you so much for sharing your question. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming. Here we go. Gina Question hi jonathan when it comes to pda. Do you like do you consider kissing a little bit rude to others? Okay, first and foremost folks. I love i'm a pda guy. I love You know not too well to the extent i'm not bashful when it comes to making out with my partner now Do I think it should be groveling one another or groping one another and like get a room? No, I'm not a big proponent of that I remember um, I was at the hollywood bowl with a my friend just last weekend And I was just watching him and his girlfriend just hugging and kissing each other while we were listening to music And and I just thought how adorable that is and I watched other people doing the same I love it when I see women running their fingers through guys hair I love it when I see men holding their partner's hand the way he did with her I mean, that's just my own personal preference. Everybody has their own personal preference Not everybody feels comfortable with pda and that's okay, too Intimacy is sometimes only reserved for those private moments for some people And yet I believe well again, this is just my own preference. So I shouldn't say it's a belief. It's just a preference I love pda. Um, if you like pda, uh, hit a thumbs up button or post a comment saying I love pda And if you don't post a comment why you don't love pda, I'd like to read it All right, let's just keep going here All right Let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming All right bump bump bump Something's happening with my live stream. It looks like There is a spammer. So sorry about that Okay question Face uh friends with benefits doesn't show touch Okay, a friend with benefit doesn't show touch me when we're in public But I can't keep his hands off of me when we're at home Should I ask him why or leave it alone because we're not in a committed relationship? Okay, so it's a friends with benefits My instincts tell me that this is a strictly physical relationship with another human being And that's all it is. So um in that particular case, he probably doesn't want to Even show physical attention. Basically my my instincts tell me Um, he may basically doesn't want other people to know he's in a relationship with someone I certainly would be open to asking him what that is for him I'm a big by the way coming back to my book chapter one Speak your truth do it with kindness And remember if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person So in this particular case, um, yeah, I would definitely talk to him about it and see how he feels about it I mean, it's just simply a conversation is all so yeah, have a chat with him and see how he feels about it All right All right, let's keep Um, I've got to scroll through a lot here because we have a spammer Um All right, let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming Okay, if you have a question post the word question so I can see it. They'll write the question there after Grace says I give myself hugs tickle myself stroke my own hair It feels good to self-care and love yourself this way I caress my skin fantasize that the man I want is with me and always giving me a big Orgasm. Yes grace. Yay. Yay. Yay. I love love love that By the way folks, you might notice I do this with my hair a lot Um, I I can't tell you why I do it and by the way now my hair is all messed up But it's something I like to do. Maybe it's my way of physically touching myself. Um But yeah, um, I do it and I think it's great that grace you do that for yourself as well So thumbs up and a way to go. All right. Let's just keep going here Um All right question from angie My question my Okay question why My ex keeps contact me while he's dating while he's on a dating site busy dating new people Why does my ex contact me while he's on it? Well, because listen Men a couple reasons why men tend to be territorial So the minute we've been in relationship with someone we we we tend to actually Kind of treat them like their own our own property. I don't mean this from a conscious perspective But certainly from a subconscious perspective that might be true for a lot of men now with that said Um, it's you know, he's acting very childlike In this particular case most likely if you're either if you're are you are you friends with one another? Or is the relationship over and he's just reaching out on occasion because If if you're friends with one another it's understandable to reach out But if you're not friends with one another and communicating, he's just treating you know He's being quite unfair to you in my particular opinion So I'd have a chat with him try to get a sense of what's going on for him And if it's crossing a boundary for you then establish your boundary that this is not okay for you And lastly you can always block him on the phone if it's you can block him if it's not acceptable to you But the why because subconsciously a lot of men treat women like property From a subconscious perspective. So we feel like we have the right to go back whenever we want I'm not saying it's right, but that's what happens for a lot of men All right, let's keep going here All right, all right Question oops, sorry Where did that one go? Tessa writes question. How do I get my boyfriend to get off his phone and touch me? Uh grab his phone throw it in the pool and uh, tell him to touch you now. I'm just kidding. Um, make a request By the way, one of the things I like about the work of okay It isn't in this book But john and julie doctors john and julie gotman who wrote the book eight dates Talk about making requests or bids. So I would simply make a request Hey, you know would simply say hey tim, you know what? I know you have a lot of important things to do on your phone And I want you to know i'm here and I want us to have some quality time together Which would include touching one another and just be very forthright I mean, you know, you don't you can make it as simple as what I just said But you make a request now he might not agree to your request and that's okay because for him that might not be okay Your boundary is saying what's okay and what's not okay for you and then you have to ultimately decide Is this the person I want to be in relationship with do they spend more time on their phone? Um, especially when you're together or do they spend more time investing in you? So you make a request a bid for love and then you see how he responds. Did that help? I hope it did So thank you so much for that one tessa. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep swimming. All right we jen Question may you please tell us a little of what a little bit? A little what are the love coaches or youtube channels that completely opposite? Then your theory or what you would or what are good ones you recommend us to learn from You know, I don't want to necessarily publicly criticize. I i'm gonna say this I do follow well first off There's a hundred thousand dating coaches right now. If not a million out there I mean everybody has got an opinion about relationships and dating folks I started off as a dating relationship coach simply to give women advice on how to improve their online dating profiles From the male perspective what I didn't realize is after over 20,000 hours of coaching that I've accumulated in the last 15 years as well as over 3,000 hours of personal development workshops training self-help Videos books that I've read. I've amassed a lot of knowledge in the area particularly about human behavior mostly when it comes to childhood wounds and traumas including love attachment and amago If you're not familiar with the books love attachment Or excuse me attached and the amago I Or excuse me getting the love you want and attached amago as we choose people like our parents and attached is We're either anxious mostly either anxious or avoidant attachment styles I highly recommend reading these two books reading these two books Reading these two books reading these two books to learn about this The reason why I don't there's one book in particular I can't stand the book the rules the rules and the reason why I don't like this book It's a very manipulative short term methodology using ego and reverse psychology and manipulation To get someone to like you. I'm not a big proponent of that for example I was listening to some coach say you should wait four hours before you ever text a guy really Look it. I'm a I'm a communicator if someone waited four hours to communicate with me. I'm off to three other women I'm just joking. I'm not really but if someone's playing that game Let me tell you something folks. We got a strike while the irons hot We weren't prepared to have the smartphones in our lives So the stupid narrative of playing games by waiting to respond to someone back to show you have a life That's bullshit at least in my opinion. Anyway, and again, these are just my opinions. So So anyways we gin going back to your original question. I don't want to publicly share other than the book the rules But there's a couple people I do like I like Matthew hussy. I like matt boggs Just to name a few people. I like susan winter. I love susan winter She is phenomenal. So if you haven't checked out her youtube channel susan winter She's very much comes from it from a psychology perspective Again, I like p. I like coaches that look at it here first off So most dating advice is centered on three primary principles We're going to get into something deep here three primary principles here And that is our instinct which is hunter provider protector And nurturer our biology, which is our home owns testosterone and estrogen and our social as Socialization basically how we were socialized as boys and girls. Okay, that's where most dating advice comes from those three areas My dating advice comes from the next eight areas eight areas which includes the imprinting that happened in our childhood Our childhood wounds and traumas Okay, which includes going back to Getting the love you want and attached. Okay number two the age of a person 20 year olds are a lot different than 50 year olds You can't apply 20 year old advice to a 50 year old and you can't because look at 50 year olds Most likely have been through alimony child support visitation rights family court erectile dysfunction Estrogen deficiency menopause just to name a few things that happen at midlife So age is a big difference then life experience again a 20 25 year olds a lot different than a 50 year old that's gone through divorce and and marriage and that sort of thing They might have gone through a divorce a job loss kids baggage all these sorts of things And then your culture and religion how someone was raised plays a big part in this equation as well And our socioeconomic if we're rich if we're poor that plays a part in the dating process and our physical health our fitness Our attractiveness plays in the dating process our emotional intelligence our ability to communicate with one another In a healthy way and lastly people who are introspective that do personal development work So when you take all of this into the equation you can't boil it down to well They're providers men are hardwired to be provider protectors. And so that's all you need to know That's bullshit By the way, nearly one third of men in their 20s don't want to be a provider protector And nearly one third of men in their 50s after going through divorce The last thing they want to be as a provider protector to another human being Doesn't mean that they're not capable of it, but they're gun shy So we can't use dating red to apply certain principles as a generalization to dating advice's crock You have to look at the big picture and that's what I think differentiates me from a lot of other coaches So again highly recommend checking out susan winter I love matthew hussey for the younger demographic and I also like meant matte vlogs for the younger demographic I like me for the midlife demographic, which is after baby making years and before retirement I hope you find value in my content. So please let me know Okay We are rocking and rolling All right, let's keep swimming Matbogs is good Yes, I agree author of attached the book the author of attached is dr. Amir Levine and rachel heller Amir ravine amir levine and rachel heller Okay Let's keep swimming Sally says is this a question? What do you think? What do men think if you friend them on facebook and message them? How do you get their attention to get to know them more? Oh, this is a great question because I get a lot of facebook requests um I would certainly say hey, you send a message saying hey Uh, you you know, we have a mutual friend you came on my radar However, you initiate the contact and say you look like someone interesting that I'd like to get to know better And I just want to I'm sending you my friend request and hopefully we can interact with one another on our post to get to Know one another that's a way to start if he's not interested in you He probably won't I mean from a romantic perspective He probably won't accept the friend request or even if he does accept the friend request doesn't mean he's going to engage romantically But that's certainly a start Just say hey, I I came across you through a mutual friend You seem like someone interesting and I wanted to be friends so I can follow your post and interact with you Is that okay? Is that okay? Is that okay? remember folks Speak your truth do it with kindness if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person all right I'm 26, but you're valuable my demographic too. By the way someone on instagram just said clarity just says I'm 26, but you're valuable for my demographic too. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, we're gonna take a couple more questions Let's keep swimming. Let's keep I just keep doing that Nemo thing Sadie says Jonathan What puts men off can a woman can a woman appear to keen can a woman appear to keen? I don't think I understand the question all that well, but can a woman be too keen You know, here's the thing folks Not everybody is everybody's cup of tea. I've gone on dates with women I was very attracted to and I wasn't their cup of tea I've gone out with women who are very attracted to me and I wasn't their cup of tea That's just part of the process. You know, there's no one-size-fits-all The reality is is energetic connection and connecting with someone on an energetic level Sometimes it's just strict strictly a roll of the dice. So my invitation for everybody is just put yourself out there And just do your best to show up in a loving compassionate way folks. I always recommend the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer the untethered soul by Michael Singer Why I recommend this book is it's a book about really Learning that it doesn't matter what other people think by the way, I'm going to talk about another book But it doesn't matter what other people think of you. What matters most is what you think of you That's why I always recommend the book Before agreements the four agreements. This is a book that should be on your nightstand You should know these four agreements backward forward upside down I highly recommend that so To answer your question Sometimes people, you know beat last you know, it's funny. Let me say one more thing I had a one woman said Jonathan, who's a friend of mine? She reached out to me on the dating site. She was asking for my advice She's a friend proxies. I'm sorry. She reached out on facebook And she was telling me how she feels like she has to dumb it down for men And I'm like, no, it's the opposite Be who you are the right guy is going to appreciate who you are And by the way, the the idea of dumbing it down is because I'm actually believing she projected that that wasn't a real She doesn't have to do anything But what she needed was permission for herself to just be herself Folks, I'm here to encourage you all to just be yourself. That's what matters most in this process. Look it Look it a lot of dating advice is manipulative. Okay. I don't give dating advice. I give it human behavior advice There's a big difference Okay, human behavior is really more about loving on yourself. That's the most important thing in this conversation I'm not a dating a relationship coach I'm a coach to encourage you to love yourself so much That it doesn't matter whether or not you have a relationship a romantic relationship with someone else Because I want you to have that romantic relationship with yourself Your self-worth your self-esteem your self-reliance Your self-confidence your sovereignty That's what I want to encourage everyone to do and if you need some love and support out that Check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Check out the links below to my podcast to my book all these places All right Let's keep looking. By the way, if you now we're going to spend the last few minutes if you have a personal question of me If you have a personal question of me Post the question say personal question post personal question and then write a personal question if you have a me I'm going to spend the last 10 minutes A lot of times I get a lot of personal questions. So this is your chance to ask those personal questions of me Um, and we'll go from there all right Here's a personal question. Nicole. Where can we find your podcast? Well, Nicole in the okay? My podcast is called the what would love do podcast. It's on apple. It's on spotify It's on google and it's on my website under podcast you can go to my website or you can click the little link in the description when this pot when this Livestream finishes and it's the what would love do podcast. So it's on my website all right Janet says you're becoming a great friend to me. Thank you so much janet I appreciate that and again if you have a personal question for me Go ahead and post the word personal question and write the question out so I can follow it All right Let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming bump bump bump bump bump We're going to take this question. That was a few minutes ago question. I'm dating a guy I'm sexually active with but he won't say we are exclusive but he treats me as such He checks off the good qualities in your video. Should I stay or should I go folks? I'm a big proponent if the penis ever gets to go inside the vagina that the relationship is monogamous And exclusive let me repeat that the relationship is monogamous and exclusive If he doesn't call you his girlfriend, that's uncool. That's bullshit If you're having regular sex with someone if you don't feel Proud look it If a guy doesn't feel proud enough to call you his girlfriend to the people in his life Then is this really the man you want to be with that's my invitation for you Do you really want to be a man who's not proud to call you his girlfriend and to say we're in exclusive exclusive relationship? That's a guy that's in it for the casualness of it and I'm not a big proponent of that so people you all know Matter of fact make him that before he gets to have sex with you again Make him read this book how to be an adult in relationship How to be an adult in relationship how to be an adult in relationship before the penis gets to go back in the vagina Make him read this book and let's see how legit he is After you put him through some hoops folks I'm so saddened to hear how many women are in Having sexual relationships with a guy who they think they're in a committed relationship, but they have no clue whether the guy is is Saying that out loud And it saddens me when I say this because Folks, I'm a big proponent be upfront If you want to be have sex if you want to fuck me dude, and I'm you wouldn't say it that way but remember I said Swear a little you'll feel better if If you want to fuck me on the regular basis you better call me your girlfriend otherwise go fuck someone else because I'm not your girl Excuse me. I'm not your woman. Okay Listen, I know that's a little bit crass, but it's time to stand in your power Ladies be in your you don't have to be in feminine power. You have to be in your individual empowerment Set a boundary This isn't okay for me and it doesn't matter because the right guy will come around the corner when you dump the wrong guy Much quicker. At least that's my invitation for you. All right Let's keep going um Paula says I love that you encourage self-love and compassion something. I try to be yes Goddess says right we older people going through midlife changes divorce lost loved ones and many baby or Jobs and such. Yes, exactly um Clarity says I will totally have my next partner read these books with me and he and if he's not for me And he's not for me if he doesn't exactly clarity way to go Didi says how young are you? Didi As of this year, I am perpetually 49 for the rest of my life. I am perpetually 49 for the rest of my life I'm actually though A little bit older, but I don't like to say it publicly Would you relocate for love? Would you relocate would you relocate for love? interesting, so I my son lives here. My family lives here. Um I would have a really looking folks after losing conor though. It's hard enough To want to like have every second of every moment with my son callin I'd have a real hard time relocating if he wasn't around At least this point in my life However, if I met that perfect partner where we were a true partnership a real partnership Folks, I grew up watching a tv show called heart to heart heart to heart Jonathan and jennifer heart. So my fantasy is the woman i'm with is jennifer and i'm jonathan Because we have big heart together And jenny you're a jennifer um I'm here to say that I would love to have that kind of relationship and I would travel anywhere for that The challenge is the reality is is I live where I live I don't want to I'm not going to jump on a plane for a total stranger just on the roll of the dice So I the reality is it's going to have to happen here for it to work And by the way, I live at the beach. I live in one of the best places in the country So why would I want to move? I mean and not that I would want someone to move unless they didn't feel comfortable But ultimately I do believe But by the way, you folks know I talk about the relationship iceberg the relationship iceberg and the only reason why it's an iceberg is The top is attraction the top is attraction and at the top it says chemistry The low chemistry is shared values blendable lifestyle and emotional maturity And as you feel more comfortable with Shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity the water line drops So what you're left with is a mountain a mountain of a relationship Look at blendable lifestyles is an important part of a healthy happy relationship And if we can't blend our lives together Um, I'd want to know that sooner rather than later and that's just how I feel about that question Thank you so much for asking. I really appreciate it Really quickly. I want to thank the super sticker from tie, baby. Thank you so much in the super chat From Beatrice. She says oops that super chat just disappeared Beatrice. I'm sorry about oh, here we go It says has anyone at some point in your life tried to sabotage a relationship through gossip or malicious tactics Thankfully No, maybe in my teens or my night my 20s maybe but thankfully no I choose emotional. I do my best to choose emotionally grown-up people Beatrice. Thank you for that question and the five dollars By the way before we wrap up if I provided value for you today, please purchase a super sticker super chat I'm trying to build up that scholarship fund Even if it's a couple dollars. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart your generosity And again, this defrains the cost of personal development for those that are struggling paying for the cost of personal development all right Ann says explain what blendable lifestyles are to you. Okay, great question So let me give you examples of non-blendable lifestyles You live in new york. He lives in la. He works 24 7 you work 24 7 It's gonna be hard to blend your lives if you have fully functioning lives where you live, okay Then ultimately another thing about blendable lives is can your lives really blend together some for example A lot of people in midlife want to date empty nesters So if someone's raising children their lifestyle may not be Compatible with the other person's lifestyle. I know a lot of women who don't want to date men who are raising young children That's an example of an incompatibility with lifestyle It could be lifestyle with health and fitness I know some women who are total jocks and they need to be with a jock type And i'm a guy that likes to ride my bike on the beach and keep it casual So that might be of not fit or lifestyles might not be blendable I like to do spiritual journeys doing plant-based medicine ayahuasca psilocybin just to name a few if a person isn't into those things And this is something really important to me to want to do with a partner Our lifestyles might not be blendable. So i'm just giving you a few examples of where lifestyles might not be blendable And I hope that helped All right I want to thank julia for the super sticker. Thank you so much. I want to thank susan for the super sticker of $20 Thank you so much. That's very kind all right This is going to be our last question of the day Question what is your answer to the question you posted about the percentage of men who are emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship? So I posted a question in my community. It wasn't about men Barbara it was about human beings Folks, I truly believe that the vast majority of human beings are emotionally stunted emotionally stunted at best Okay, so I believe this is one of our biggest challenges in relationship is people who are not Emotionally mature enough or stunted to be in relationship because they have weak communication skills This is true of men and women alike. I think that's the real challenge with dating and relationships today All centers around emotional maturity. This is why i'm such a big proponent of reading the books I continually recommend over and over and over again So my invitation for you is do the work yourself and Become a magnet for attracting someone else who's done the work as well And that puts your chances a greater chance of success because the vast majority of people are emotionally stunted at best All right, I think I think this would be a good place to wrap up right here I hope you found value in this live stream today I want to thank dorthy for the super sticker. Thank you so much Um Clarity says my dream to hear you talk more about your experience with ayahuasca Uh, maybe someday I'll do that. I I just did a psilocybin journey and I had a great visitation from my son connor So, uh, it was a very fun journey. Uh tessa. Thank you so much for the super sticker. I really appreciate it We gin. Thank you so much. Uh hugs big bro. Thank you so much Folks, this would be a great place to wrap up today. I want to thank everyone that was on the instagram live and certainly on YouTube live as well. Thank you for the super sticker super chats. I love you all from the bottom of my heart Um Well, I shouldn't say I love you all but I do my best to be loving of everybody and for those of you who are On live. I just want to thank you so much. All right. This would be a great place to wrap up today If you found value in this please share it with your friends. I'm going to share those Five ways men like to be touched really quickly Touch him on his arm run your fingers through his hair Playfully slap him on his arm Hug him deeply and grab his butt Again, I hope you found value share this video with your friends And we're going to wrap up today as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye