 The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Mack Benoff, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spear Mint while you're working, shopping, listening to your radio, or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spear Mint gum tastes good, it's refreshing, and the good, easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now, Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. They've got five seasons, the winter season, the fall season, the spring season, the summer season, and the worst season of all, the in-come-attacks season. Right now is in-come-attacks season. That's the time when everybody is busy figuring out how much money they've got to send to the government, how much they're going to live on and what they've got to left. But to me, I'm going to try to be extra good American. I'm going to wait for March 15th. Last January 1st, I'm going to make out my in-come-attacks and send it right in. I'm going to get empty pockets three months before everybody else. But I've got a good reason for not sending my money so fast to my mamma mia. It's because I'm no one to be guilty of what's called, with the holding of tax. By the time you receive this letter, mamma mia, that's going to be your birthday again. Happy birthday, mamma mia. I'm only wish I can send you silver candlesticks. I promise you when I left for the other country to come to America. But, well, is it going to have to wait for a little while? Anyway, I'm going to close you. Find a birthday card which I'm buying a store specially for you. They don't have the kind of card they want, but you know with us the feeling is a counter more than anything else. So don't look at what I just say. Happy Father's Day. Anyway, I'm still going to try to get you something nicer for you, mamma mia. But right now I'm leaving to my antique shopper for my night's school assignment. Hello, Mr. Basko. I've got a registered letter for you. Oh, thank you, Mr. Postoffice. Oh, Mr. Basko, well, you got any new stands for Middle-Ear for my kid? No, but when I get it some, I'm going to save it for you. Well, thanks. Hey, this letter is to say, Internal Revenue Department. What's it after? Trouble. Trouble, dear Mr. Basko. An Internal Revenue agent will call it to see you tomorrow, 4 p.m., in a reference to your 1951 attacks return. Mamma mia, where did they want it from me? I go right and I'll ask my night's school to teach you Miss Paulding. All right, class, let's come to attention. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko? Present. Mr. Harrowett? Present. Mr. Olsen? Present. Mr. Schultz? Mr. Schultz, you're here. What's that to say? I'm here and that's all. Please, Mr. Schultz. Now, class, our lesson for today is on government. Who can tell me the three main branches of our government? Hey, I can't teach you. Good, what are they? Main branch, uptown and downtown. No, Mr. Schultz, that's completely wrong. That's not even anywhere near- Oh, I thought I thought, don't rub it in. Will someone else volunteer to answer that question? The three main branches of the government. Now, if you recall, I gave you a simple formula for remembering it. Think of Washington and three branches of one tree. I'm aspiring, I try. Fine. And the three branches. Legislative, executive, executive, executive. Luigi, get off that branch before you break the tree. Please, please, Mr. Schultz. Legislative and executive are correct, Mr. Basko. Now, I'll give you a hint. The third department has to do with court. Now, remember, legislative, executive and judicial. Well, that's perfect, Mr. Basko. For that, you get a good mark. Never mind a good mark, give Luigi a refrigerator. Mr. Schultz, please. Oh, yes, Mr. Olsen. The legislative department is to make the laws. The executive department is to carry out the laws. The judicial department is to try the laws in court. Well, that's very good, Mr. Olsen. You're right. I stayed up really late last night with Spaulding and I stood there very hard. And that's why I always answer your questions right. Ooh, what a show-off. I hate a man who knows everything. Mr. Spaulding. Yes, Mr. Basko? I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm a like of Tasky something, uh, something, uh... Well, a little while ago I-I'm receiving this letter from, from internal, uh, uh, revenue department. Ah, internal revenue department? That's bad. Why didn't you pay your income tax? Not sure, sir. Ha-ha-ha. I-I'ma pay my tax in Indianaway. I-I said two months ahead of this time. But, Stephen Voice, Luigi, they suspect you if you're too anxious. California Limited leaves at four jump on it. Mr. Schultz, please. They do not suspect you, Mr. Basco. The government is very grateful to anyone who sends in his tax money before the big rush. Well, if they're grateful, Miss Budding, then why the government has sent in a special amount to see me tomorrow? Luigi, maybe they want to thank you for being an early bird. Well, if they want to thank me also, then why they don't send me letters of thanks? Why they send in a man? I'll tell you why, Luigi, because they can't fit handcuffs into an envelope. Luigi, ooh, ooh, my rheumatism. Oh, listen to me, Luigi. Ooh, ooh, I couldn't get $30 for my body on a used car lot. I should say, huh? I should say the income tax amount is a come of the matter for a clock. You think he's going to make a trouble for me? Ah, my Luigi, maybe you just made a little mistake and nothing will happen. You know what happened when I first came to America? I sent in my first income tax without anything written on it. Why? Because on the top it said, return this income tax blank. Yeah, but it should say, is there going to be some about the present for my mom if she's a find out I'm going to travel with the government? Ah, don't worry, Luigi, smile. What can they do to you? Can they take away your money? Can they take away your clothes? Can they take away your business? Sure, sir, can they? Tomorrow night you'll know if you ain't got it, they took it to V. My friend. Hello, post quality. Ooh, that's a matter for you, Luigi. You're walking around like a chicken with its tail between its legs. Post quality is a long story. You see, I'm going to get a letter from the income tax department and say, man, is it coming to an antique shop tomorrow. So I'm going to take it tonight to school for help. Ms. Barling, as she says, is there nothing to worry about. But also, as I say, maybe trouble in the shoots is he's going to make it sound even worse. Oh, so go to everybody but your friend who's going to bring you from the older country, post quality. Luigi, why are you always running around every place of information when you could come right here and get the dope? Ah, you're so right, post quality. And nobody's a bigger dope than you. That's a funny thing. When I say it, it's a come out of different. Luigi, you always are going to have a trouble with tax department because you ain't got what they call dependent. Dependent and what's that? Dependent, that's something a fellow's a marry so he should pay less taxes. Oh, I didn't know. Now I'm going to show you, I'm your best friend, Luigi. I'm going to give you one of my dependents a free of charge. Oh, you will it, post quality? Who? My daughter Rosa. What do you say, Luigi? No, post quality. Rosa's a tool factor for me. So what if she's away 250 pounds? You marry ordinary girl, you've got one dependent. You marry Rosa right away, you've got two dependents. Oh, post quality, please. And don't talk about Rosa just to tell me why is the income tax a man are going to come up to see me. Why they come to see everybody? To get them all money? My big business man, how much of money you send to government in January? Ten dollars. Ten dollars as you trouble. You violate in a very big law the e pluribus eunum attacks. E pluribus eunum attacks? Sure, sure. For men is the e pluribus eunum for ladies is the she pluribus eunum. Yeah, but post quality, if this is American law why is it written in a foreign language? This is especially for foreigners. They've got to pay you extra hundred dollars. Hundred dollars? Post quality, when this law was passed? Just a half hour ago. Sure, didn't you hear it on your radio? No, I'm a dinner herit. Oh, it's a no wonder. You ain't got FM. FM? Sure, that's the mean they broadcast all about a foreign money. It always is AM. That's the mean they broadcast only about American money. Yeah, but post quality, what am I going to do? I'm going to get a hundred dollars to pay this eunum attacks. Well, I'm not such a bad fellow. You know, post quality's got a big heart. Always taking care of people he's like. Luigi, I'm ready to give you hundred dollars and keep you out of alcatraz. All you've got to do is marry Rosa. What do you say, my son? Post quality, where is the alcatraz? All right, go ahead and be stubborn. You ain't got no credit at the bank. Where are you going to get a hundred dollars? Well, I'm going to go to the loan company. I read advertisement and all the papers are to say we'll lend you money. All you need is a co-signer. Well, I'm going to get a shoot so he's going to sign it for my co. Get shots. You see what a loan company, eh? Luigi's got a hard feeling between us. What do you want to shoot so far? I'm your best friend. I'll sign it for you. Oh, Pascal, you don't listen to me? Sure, sure. I know a fine loan company, the happy finance company, Dearborn Street, 800 block. You get down a fresh thing in the morning. I'm going to take care of everything of you right now. Now go ahead, take a little walk. My boy, stop worrying. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Pascal. You're a real friend. Goodbye, Pascal. Goodbye, goodbye. I'm going to figure out what to do. I'm going to figure out what to do. I'm going to figure out what to do. I'm going to figure out what to do. Hello? Happy finance company? A fella by the name of Luigi Baskos is coming in tomorrow for a loan. I'm his co-signer. So give him all the money he's asked for. A hundred thousand, even a million dollars. I'm good for it. Oh, pardon me. I've got to hang up now. My keeper is coming for me. What's my name? Pascuali. But around here everybody's a call to me, Napoleon, a peep-eep. We'll return to life with Luigi in just a few moments. In the meantime, you know friends, clean, bright teeth and a winning smile are mighty important in making a good impression on people. That's one reason it's such a good idea to chew a few sticks of delicious wriggly spearmint gum every day. You see, chewing is more than just a pleasant pastime. When you sink your teeth into a piece of wriggly spearmint gum, the natural chewing action helps cleanse your teeth, helps keep them looking bright and attractive. In this way, chewing wriggly spearmint may help to improve the appearance of your smile. And that's a real advantage to you in your business or social life. So do what millions do. From time to time, every day, chew a stick of refreshing, delicious, wriggly spearmint gum. Get a few packages and always keep some handy. Now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother in Italy. And so, Mamma Mia, although income attacks a man is a comment this afternoon to see me, I'm not that so worried because I'm going to the loaner company to buy a hundred dollars. Everything is a depend on the loaner, so I'm a fix myself up to look like a real rich man. I'm going to wear it for the first time, what do you give me when I left the home? The blue ear muffs and the red tablecloth. Tablecloth is going to make a nice muffler. Also, I'm going to get a haircut. It's a cost of me 20 cents. And I'm biting my fingernails all nice and even. Also, Barbara is selling me special perfume. Very expensive. It's a cost of me 10 cents. I have a milk bottle. Mamma Mia, believe me when I say, with my haircut, the shave of my nails and of my smell, nobody we ever buried is a looker so good. Well, Mamma Mia, I'm going to have to go now and get the money for the government. Excuse me, please. It's the happy finance company, no? That's right. Well, I'm a comment to make a loaner from you. My name is Luigi Vasco. Vasco? Say, were you recommended by your friend Mr. Pascuali? That's right. How am I going to get outside? I think I was a push to. No, please, please, Mr. Maverick. Maybe you heard the wrong. I wasn't talking about a fellow who's a guarantee this is a loaner for you. What did you say his name was? Vasco. This is the time I'm sure he's a push of me out. I think a man with Vasco isn't all helping me. He's a throw monkey into my wrench and. Mamma Mia, that was the last chance to get $100 or $40. Pluribus, you know my tax. What am I going to do now? What am I going to do? I know. I know. I'm going to go right down to the income tax department. I'm going to wait for them to come to get me. I'm going to give them myself up. Mamma Mia. Hey, what's the bigger building? On the top is a, say, Treasury Deputy. Such a bigger building. Adjust for that. Must be everybody is in a debt put to the Treasury. Well, a Louis, you always a good citizen of tech. You know, hands are going inside, explain everything to them. And I'm supposed to pay $100. I'm only pay 10 is a $90 a short. Look at all of those girls. How hard they working and all the people is rushing around. There must be turning a whole place upside down and looking for my $90. Pardon me, please. I'm Mr. Sadie. Yes. I'm Luigi Basko. I give up. What? I'm not used to looking for the money. You won't define it. Why not? I'm not to send it. What are you talking about? Please, Mr. Taximan. Take a look at this. It's a fine overcoat. It's got a little beaver collar with a pile of buttons. It was my Uncle Pietro's. Tell me, how much you think is a worth? I'd say about $90. $90. Take it. We're even up. What? Goodbye and God bless you. Hey, wait, wait. I don't want this coat. I think you're all mixed up. Now just who are you looking for? For my... Income of Taximan. Do you know the ink? No. Just go to room 202. Right over there. Oh, thank you. Help you? Oh, look at Mr. Taximan. I've got a lot of trouble with my taxes. Well, everybody does. I'll try to help you. Now, did you make out a long form or a short form? I don't remember. It was about the 10 inches along the 6 inches. Oh, no, no. Now, when you filled out your form, do you remember? Was it a 10, 40? I'm not sure, but I think it was a closer to 12 o'clock. Never mind that. Did you use a tax table? Oh, no. I'm going to use a clinic kitchen. Mr., let's use this form as an example. Now, did you fill out something like this? Oh, that's the one. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Okay. Now, are you a worker or are you in business? Well, I'm a worker, but it's not too much of business. Well, that's not what I... Okay, let's take item two. Income. Now, just how much did you say you took in? $800. Eight? You were in business and you made $800 all year? Did you tell the truth? I didn't tell the truth. Well, $800 isn't what you took in. How much did you take in? I'm only taking it for $400. I'm ashamed to put down so little. Sounds very good, but I warn you. The department checks on everything. I don't know why people have trouble figuring out their tax. It's all down and black and white. Here, I'll read it. If your income was less than $500, you may find your tax in the tax table on page four. This table, which is provided by law, automatically allows about 10% of your total income for contributions, interest taxes, casualty losses, medical expenses, and miscellaneous. But if your expenditures and losses of these classes amount to more than 10%, it will be advantageous to itemize them and compute your tax on page three. Do you understand that? If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you one question. Certainly, go ahead. Do you understand that? Let's read it again. If your income was less than... exactly what did you come here for? Well, Mr. Taximan, I'm going to save a distillate. Well, let's see. It might be a clue. Hey, Mr., you better go right home. An internal revenue agent is coming to talk to you in about a half hour. No, that's it. That's why I'm coming to see you. I'm always trying to be a good American citizen. What government is it going to do to a man who has no paid taxes? What kind of punishment is that? Hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Hello, Pascuali. What's the matter, Lelika? But you posted you didn't get your loan? I mean, I can't understand why. What is the worst than that, Pascuali? Well, I'm going to go to the income of the tax department. And the manager mixes me up with his shorter form along the form at 10 or 40 o'clock. I'm going to tell him a kitchen and a table, and he says a table. And then we have argument. Pascuali, what do you think he's going to say? What? That's the matter with you, Luigi. That's the matter. You swallow a nannagot? Pascuali, I'm going to swallow nothing, but I'm in the most terrible trouble of my life. I think I'm going to disgrace everybody, American government, because I'm not going to pay my tax, and my mom, I'm here because I'm not going to send a birthday present. Everything is not good. Everything is useless. I'm not even going to get a friend. Oh, what are you talking, Luigi? Don't talk like there's no got a friend. You've got to me. I'm the most useless friend you've got. Now, look, you stop worrying because I'm going to pay you tax and I send you mom a nicer birthday present. Pascuali, are you going to do all of this for me? Sure, little banana nose. Pack up your troubles and your old bag in a smile. For anybody who's a my son-in-law, I'm old money bags of Pascuali. Money's going to flow like a wine. Pascuali. And a watcher for somebody who's a not-to-you son-in-law. Pepsi-Cola. Well, what's going to be your pleasure? Disgrace on my rosa. Remember, revenue man's are going to be here in a minute. Come on, speak up. All right, Pascuali. Oh, you make me so happy. Luigi, you are a real fine Italian boy. You ask your father's permission before you run away with the girl. All right, Luigi, I'm going to call into the happy bride. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! Little pigeon, say hello to Luigi. I'm going to get her off the ground. Hands up for the honeymoon now. I'm Mr. Wallace from the Treasury Department. I'm looking for Mr. Basko. Is he here? That's me. It's all right. All right, Mr. Treasury Department. I'm going to take care of everything. Luigi, you want a rosa? Go in the kitchen and bake a cake. Go on. I'm going to pay all you taxes. Pay? Just a minute, Mr. Basko. I'd like to talk to you. You know, ordinarily, when there's a tax discrepancy, we send out a letter. But in this case, we decided to contact you personally. You know, but I'm going to pay my e-pluribus eunum tax. Luigi, go bake. What? Mr. Basko, there's no such thing as an e-pluribus eunum tax. Has it a... what? A... Revenue man has arrived to Luigi. A half hour ago, this tax law was repealed. But, Baskali, will you find this out on AM or FM? Television. Now go on, Luigi, go. No, just a minute, please. I'd like to finish my business here. Mr. Basko, you don't owe the government any money. We owe you money. Here's a check for the $10 you overpaid. I'm... I'm going to get the money back. Ha-ha! Imagine Luigi's overpay as a tax. That's a stupid thing, eh? What about the dickens? He's a good-hearted little fella. You know, something, if I, for Squally, was to get the money back from the government, I'd like this little fella so much I'd give him ever a penny. Oh, are you Pascuali of Pascuali Spaghetti Palace? Yes. Well, I was just about to contact you, Mr. Pascuali. Me? Who makes out your income tax? Eh... Well, you overpaid your income tax, too. I've got a check for you for $40. What? Pascuali. Mr. Pascuali, I'm taking you at your word. Here you are, Mr. Basko, Mr. Pascuali's check. Thank you, Mr. Pascuali. Well, Woody, you wait till we're gone! Come back! The only thing that comes out... The final within came a taxidepartment Hummer STILL they got a Grandpa's overcoated He gave it to Uncle Pietro. And the best of all, if you bore to him, setting you separate a package with paid off of Silver Canal Styx, Eh, you like them... Ahh, ma ooh ma ah ya. You see, I'mma keep them, I promise. And...and...and if you see couple of tears on it's a page it. don't you think it's it's a me crying? That was a Pasquale when he's a pay for the candlestick. Well the momma me a happy birthday. You can't hear me singing while I'm writing this but I'm a singer just did the same. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday momma excuse me while I'm turning the page. Me a happy birthday to you. You're lovin' to send Luigi Basker a little immigrant. Friends the makers of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of life with Luigi and they want to remind you that Wrigley Spearman gum is a refreshing treat you can enjoy while you're doing other things. Wrigley Spearman gum always tastes good and you can chew and enjoy it even when you're working with your hands. There's lots of lively real spearmint flavor in it to freshen your taste and sweeten your breath. Besides the chewing itself gives you satisfaction. It makes the time pass more pleasantly, makes your work and other activities go a bit smoother. So enjoy chewing delicious Wrigley Spearman gum often during the day. It's satisfying, it's refreshing and it makes whatever else you're doing more enjoyable. The makers of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at this time when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his momma Basko in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mac Benhoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mr. Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Jody Gilbert as Rosa Mary Schiff as Miss Faulding, Joe Forte as Horowitz and Ken Peters as Holson. The music is on the direction of Love-Gluston. This is Charles Lyon. This is CBS Radio Network.