 Hey, tribe of draining men and women Wouldn't you say that Quarantine makes you look like a badass ninja? Think it does, but obviously, let's not use it here because I found a quiet peaceful spot or No one else should be coming down. This is kind of this weird wooden bench in Vilnius capital, Lithuania and Today I wanted to sit down with you and talk about something very special It's actually a It's actually a story that I haven't yet Recorded anywhere publicly and it kind of dawned on me this morning When I actually woke up in like at 6 a.m. In the morning, obviously not ready to get up from bed yet But but this thought started kind of sticking with me and I realized Damn, it's an important story that needs to be told and I never actually told it I guess I'm not even sure why the story is actually about my first I kido instructor whom I rarely talk about I guess I mainly focus on my main I kido instructor with whom I learned it in Switzerland and I only studied for four years in my first instructor back in Lithuania in my hometown, Penevegy's But at the same time it was a really significant experience, you know that guy he Helped me get started on the path of I kido But also to be honest, that's the person who showed me the expose me to the dark side of I kido I understood that only later but now that I think back he's Kind of gets a great representation of the bad things that I kido does or could do to you if you miss handle it And it's one thing. It's an easy martial arts and miss handle So Today we're gonna look all about that. We have college to take away Let's have a sip and let's get started on this subject so The initial part of the story is that I was 14 when I started training with him. I kind of just turned 14 and I was always into The whole Japanese culture eastern Asian culture and I always wanted to kind of you know I was interested in the Bushido the the the samurai code of Loyalty and raveness and kind of the samurai conduct value system I always wanted to kind of be a samurai and I think you know when you're 14 it's a very impressive age when it's easy to make an impression on you and Despite the fact that I was always into martial arts I was I never really trained one until I kind of trained at home My father was always physically active So I would copy him and kind of train with him at home with non-martial arts I would do my own make believe martial arts at home some times play samurai But only when my friend invited me to try out a kido together with him. I Went to the first class ever. I didn't know much about a kido. What's ever and But the very first time I saw it it was just like whoa It was like it dawned on me like that's exactly what I'm searching for like, you know There's the Hakama and there's the samurai swords and wooden swords But still there's the whole samurai culture and the movement and the flow of I kido Just kind of really struck me like this is exactly what I want and then the more I dug into I kido the more I learned about it. I was reading the art of peace. It's it's kind of interesting And actually a nice book by the founder of I kido more here Shiba who actually that book is also Shown and walking dead if you ever watch that TV show famous TV show There's an episode where a guy learns I kido and he's given to read in I kido book And that's the art of peace There was our bunch of quotes from the founder and some of them are really nice ideas and the translation was in my native tongue We're kind of it peculiar now that I look back. It was definitely heavily influenced by the person who translated it but at the moment it really Resonate with me because it was spoken a lot about peace and kind of creating impact on other human beings and Disturbing others and being in harmony with everything else and the more I read about it the more I felt like oh my god This is exactly the martial art I need and especially because I like to say that once in a while that I used to be a peaceful kid I never liked violence But I was living in a rough city where my friends would get attacked a lot of times and I would be in danger myself often and I But I never wanted to kind of hit someone or hurt them I always kind of felt this compassion towards others and and Empathy and I didn't want to hurt other people But obviously I didn't want to get hurt either or I didn't want my friends to get hurt And I kido officially states that it's it's all just a defensive martial art. It's all about defense It's not about attacking and that it's kind of about protecting yourself without harming others now that I look back It's a long story short, but I don't think that's true. It's not really possible with the way I kido was trained but that was that idea was presented to me and And I obviously believed it You know, I thought it's true, especially because and that's kind of the one of the main points I'm heading on to here is I wasn't that impressionate age and My I kido instructor. He was he's actually my dad's age Because they used to be classmates for a couple years but so he He he was older like around 50. I guess 45 50 and He kind of had that Stature of a sense, you know, he had this straight posture and he was well-built quite athletic and and he had this kind of Face nice where it looks like he looked like a wise person and he kind of acted like one to you Which you know is good and bad But but but you know he the way he spoke and thinks he spoke he kind of acted like acted like a wise person and That really got to me. I was like, oh this guy is something beyond I really trusted him and and I was always like I used to always be a very good student and I was always the guy who would really focus on Learning as best as I can. I was a very loyal student. So whatever he would tell me I would believe him and I would You know try to do my best To fulfill whatever tasks he would give me Now that I look back. I realized that's one of the first mistakes That's one of the first bad things that happened because I would blindly follow him and I would not question him But at the same time, you know, I was just 14. I trained with him like for four years until I left for Switzerland but The thing is at that age, you know critical thinking is not common in general yet alone in that age and again As I mentioned you're very impressionate in that age And I think now that I look at being an instructor or a teacher. I recognize it's so important To educate your students about the importance of critical thinking To tell them Look, I'm not an almighty god being I am a faulty person myself. I make my mistakes. Don't believe everything I say I do my best But I'm not perfect and to kind of educate your students that they would be realistic about what you're giving them And that they would be critical about that that they wouldn't take everything for you know for a real thing The dark side to my relationship with my first Ikea instructor was That that was not encouraged You were more or less Encouraged not in a direct way, but but the way the dojo the school was built and the way he would teach He would present everything as absolutes you know, he would present things as that is the truth and That's already a bad thing to do. That's kind of a the lack of recognition of your own lack of Your own lack of knowledge or skill and and and if you don't recognize What you're missing if you don't know what you don't know one of my favorite quotes these days and then you are Passing along knowledge. You will obviously pass on a lot of bad things and so to come back to That whole story and and how it started to roll. So I went to the first class. I really liked it I read about aikido and the more I read about it the more I became devoted to it and The interesting part with the that particular school or aikido that that I used to attend my first aikido school I used to kind of joke that it was cursed because But that was so now I think that was because of two reasons but back then I could recognize only one So one thing the kind of more universal thing was that that city It's the fifth biggest city of Lithuania, but then whenever people would finish Going finish their high school They would usually leave to go to university somewhere else So that was one of the reasons why my aikido instructor never had You know long-term students who would reach their black belts and he was not a black belt himself at that day long story why again but he wasn't And although he trained for years and years If you're very interested why part of it was political part of it, I think again, it's due to his character. That's a long story But coming back to the curse So so he would have either adult students who were just you know doing it for leisure So they never really progressed very far Or he would have young guys like myself enthusiastic, but then we would hit the time for school and we would leave and that was it So it's kind of this kind of a limbo state But now I also recognized there were other faults too and one of the parts was that He was He was very much holding us back For a reason I could kind of understand but But I don't think it was a healthy reason And it's one of the things I don't want to go too deep into today, but but I'll just give you a general layout. So He he would really want us to become perfect Before we move on to the next exam and he was not examining us ourselves himself. You know, he didn't have the permission he had to go he had to go to His like you know instructor in a different city and then we would pass exams like once in Six months or a year and so when the other schools would Get their grades much faster. We would take a long time to perfect our current rank We would work we would work really hard on the same stuff again and again and again Until he would approve and say, okay, you're ready To pass your exam and then we would go and do it But that would take forever and so the progression would be really slow, which I think is wasn't healthy because The thing is now if you dissect and break down The the things I feel like the bad things the bad messages the bad lessons I took from that school Or that teaching style that teaching method Was That first of all we were given the impression that it's possible to be perfect Now that you should always aim for perfection, which I think is a generally a flawed Way to go and I'm planning to make a whole video about that. I think that You have to realize that no one is perfect. You'll never be perfect And and that kind of makes you a bit more loose and then you Do things and you experiment and you motivate yourself to keep going and then you just gradually become much better But it's not about being perfect, but in that school we were kind of being demanded to be perfect And that's crazy, you know, because that's that's already putting on demands and an unhealthy perspective And and that would kind of breed a bit of competition in me against my friends You know wanting to be better or always demanding more from myself always pushing myself harder And that's kind of you can see there's a good sight to it But also there's a bad sight to it because you would become over demanding and I would burn myself out And that's one of the next parts. I'll come to you would eventually burn yourself out bad But Again coming back to that curse So that was again kind of a cursey thing But but I think also too to be honest and you know, we could say like that's my personal opinion, but That I base it quite on strong arguments I also think the younger students when they would become more mature They would start to see that there's something off about That teaching method or something off about the way our teacher was handling us as a group, especially the young kids You know kind of that a bit of a cultish feeling, I guess, but I'll get into that in more detail but I think with maturity Because I would meet his older students who you know graduated Kind of left the city because of university and I would meet them and they would all kind of be acting a bit weird They were all a bit uncertain about their memories about that school And I'd be like oh, you know come back down because I was so enthusiastic I was so pumped about that school and about Aikido and the way he taught That I would always be like oh come back, you know, let's train and I want to learn from you And they would always be like, you know, maybe maybe not today And you know, they were kind of holding back and I wasn't sure at the day like what was it And then I realized because My realization now is because they grew to mature and realized that there was again signing off about that whole Thing and they weren't so enthusiastic to come back to it now with a more mature mind So to kind of get you a better give you a better understanding of what that was and what difficulties I went through and what I learned through them Coming back to the initial stages of my story So I became a very loyal student and I would train all the time and I really wanted to excel I really wanted to Learn as fast as I can and I was getting very devoted And so I asked my teacher to let me train not only with the with the kids group Which was until 18 but also with the adults and he gave me the permission So I would train like two times per day then eventually I also asked him to let me join the kids class And so I would be there all the time I was training all the time kids teens Adults and I was fully immersed and then that naturally kind of led us to develop a relationship like a close Mike you don't structure we would he started to invite me to his place Which was you know, just such a Such a cool thing for me I felt you know, so special to to get a chance to get hang out with him And when I was just swallowing everything he was saying like I was really like, you know listening with my eyes open Eyes and ears open like to whatever he said and I was listening with you know, super focus Trying to remember everything trying to kind of take in his wisdom And so he would invite me to his place and we would have tea and sometimes we would just go for hours and hours talking Well, actually, you know, now that I looked back it was him talking I was barely talking You know, I was just listening and listening and sometimes maybe asking questions And so we became really close and he actually I was like 16 But I think because of that curse that he would be losing students all the time He never had advanced students He started to ask me to cover him for initially for teaching kids And then I even to cover teaching adults, which was great experience for me because I wanted to be an Aikido instructor I was developing that hunger for it and that was great experience for me. You know, it was crazy. I was a 16 year old guy teaching adults Or being responsible for like a group of 15 kids But but it was a valuable experience for me because you know, I was exposed to it and I could practice my skills of being a teacher I think that helped me in the future Although it's a bit crazy. I'm not sure if you know, that's that was a correct thing to do Given now now looking back at it more rationally. Well, nevertheless, I appreciate that that opportunity but now To kind of look at the dark side of those things because there's definitely there's there definitely was one Uh, I think the main flaw with the whole School and with the whole method of how he was conducting that the group was Now that I look back there was a huge There was a huge lack of critical thinking Not only, you know critical thinking encouraged in us, but also he was as much as I you know, hate saying that as much I'm sorry to say that but But I have to admit he had a huge Lack of ability to have critical thinking He was believing in the esoterics and the mystical And the reason I think that's one of the reasons why Also my relationship with my main acute instructor the one I you know Took on later My bad experience with him Combined with my first experience with my first instructor. I think that's what Makes me feel so strong and heavy about wanting to talk about this and wanting to bring up the subject of How important a student and teacher relationship is and how dangerous it can be if it's if it's Conducted in a bad way And yeah, so so When there was a lack of critical in him I don't know if he understood that or not, you know, how impactful he was to us, especially the young guys You know the the open minds, especially such as myself who was not questioning him at all I was trusting and believing whatever he said Like, you know religiously And the thing is the things he said Oftentimes where you know, they were silly or they were just off Like I'll give you a few examples. So you would know what I'm talking about. So for example, he There's one thing I actually it's as crazy as it is I am you could say still fighting that till this day I'm frity now And I was hanging out with him between 14 and 17. I guess 18 years old year old and In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that He read and and that was the thing he would sometimes read something and he would instantly believe it and tell us that as truth He'd be like he wouldn't be like, oh, I read this and this sounds interesting and let's look at this He's like he read it and he's like, oh, you know what now. I know that this is like that And so to give that example is he read that you have to put your tongue At the top of your mouth like you have to you know, kind of attach it that then your key or chi travels better It's a full circle and if you don't do it, your your cheese is not as powerful You know at that day because Partly because I was a kid, you know watching dragon bull z and wanting to save the world but part of it because he was putting faith in stuff like that I You know, I I really want it Sorry, I'll just fix the mic a bit You know, I really wanted to attain all of that all those superpowers and It was all that cheese stuff and whatnot was super was super important for me And when he would say a thing like that, I I would I would take it You know with a hundred percent conviction And so when I heard that specifically and trust me there were so many things like that, but I'll give you that specific example When I when I heard him say that Every day every single moment of my day I started to put my tongue at the top of my mouth and hold it there Initially it was a struggle, you know initially It took effort to do it But I kept doing it again and again all the time until it became such a strong habit That I did it all the time Every moment I would catch myself and I'm always I always have my tongue at the top And and that later years later I started to realize that's not really good for me because you know my tongue is There's tension in the mouth, you know, it's like it's an extra effort at least I think it is And it just doesn't make sense when you look at it rationally the whole thing But even till today I sometimes catch myself having my tongue at the top of the mouth And I have to force myself to let go of release the tongue kind of loosen up my jaw It's mental. It's bizarre. It's crazy that it is, but it still is I have to fight it and I'm trying to reprogram myself for so heavily programmed in me I have to refight myself not to do it And there were a lot of things like that He was very precise and very strict about certain things Like one time he read That you have to put your when you're in seiza, which is a traditional Japanese way of sitting on your knees That's how we would do our meditation And he would tell us that he read ones that and he would tell us that's the truth That you would have you have to put your right toe on your on the top of your left toe Because that's kind of that delivers better the masculine energy or something like that And and you know, I would Suddenly do that thing and there were so many things again like that And he had so many beliefs like strong beliefs that he would tell us as truth And I think that that would further Develop my lack of critical thinking and and no, maybe some of you who are douchebags You know, you could listen to this and be like, oh rocus. It's your fault because you know You listened to me didn't question him and you you know, it's your fault that you believe in him Fuck you man or women Whoever you are That's such an unfair thing to say and I kind of laid it out already, but You can't you can't expect a child of that age Without specific education to to be qualified to have such a bullshed detector You know, it's unfair That's why it's so important for any teacher Who works with it with adults too, but even especially children to be mindful of that and to be humble and to Really pressure test and really double check your sources of knowledge what he's giving to students because I Trust me. There's a lot of kids like me Maybe not as devoted as I was but there there are you know kids take things You just send me you just throw something out there without thinking about it much But but some kid will hear you and he will take it to heart and he will you know, really believe it and really practice it and Even if you didn't intend it to and you have to be careful about that You have to educate the people who you work with especially if you're the authority figure Because the authority figure that's how our society works. We are we are taught to believe in authorities So it's a double way relationship, but especially if we're talking about kids and adults It's 80 percent adults responsibility And if you don't agree with me, then you know, turn the city off and And go live in your fantasy Now let's continue So some of the worst things that happened to during that period was And probably the worst thing which would kind of Started to develop my resentment to Aikido already in that stage Or at least it enforced or strengthened my my resentment to Aikido Like if you showed my martial arts journey, you know that for a while I was really heavy Against Aikido like I was really like negative about it trying to say to people like look this doesn't work. This is dangerous or so on And part of it was because I remember those days and how I was how I was how I was fooled how I was strict and how dangerous it was uh to jump a little bit to the future where I was with my Next Aikido instructor I thought he had things to figure he had things to figure out and I believe him again my mistake I guess But I thought for a while that okay, okay, he's not doing the same mistake my first instructor did But I realized he did just on a more subtle level and that's why it became even more frustrating You know, I saw that it's all over the place. It's all over the world. It's It's not a one-time thing which again made me more negative But then coming back to the first scenario to my first instructor Um, you know, I mentioned in the in the first stages of this talk his kind of quest for perfection And this this was the part which again as I said was really frustrating for me because He he was very very specific about how the Aikido techniques had to be done There was zero freedom about it Even if we did freestyle Aikido like if you know, Randori like people would attack you you would still have to be exactly the way The instructor was telling us to do And so it was like grab this Grab like this Not like this if you have a bit of an angle wrong It's wrong. It doesn't work which is crazy because first of all if you look at martial arts A real life attack is chaotic. You'll never be exactly like that So to demand the person to do it exactly that way is crazy But if you're not into martial arts because you know, I I want this to be a valuable lesson for everyone If you're not into martial arts Do realize this applies to everything else Especially like to yoga I went through the same with yoga When somebody tells you you need to do this exactly right like this And I I kind of ranted about this in my why yoga sucks episode Where I said that you know, you don't know specifically what injuries that person has And you can't say like if something works for you it doesn't mean it's going to work for another person You can't force him to do it the way you do it And eventually that started to make me frustrated in regards to you know the the Aikido school Because my Aikido instructor was demanding me to do it that way And And it was it was basically the way he did it, you know And I was much taller than him. I was leaner than him. I had a very different build And I had to force myself to do it exactly like him. So it's just mental. It's just crazy Uh, which again kind of made me more more or you know Stuck in a way thinking that there's only one way to do things which is maybe it's not, you know, the worst Belief to have or in body, but but it's still not a good mindset And that was being taught but But that what kind of what that kind of led to as well Well the dangerous side of it especially in terms of martial arts Um I mentioned to you that you know the city I was living in it was a dangerous place I would be facing a dangerous situation of a potential attack Pretty much daily like you could get mugged in the middle of the city center doing day bright day That would happen that happened like not I luckily I was always able to avoid an actual mugging But I had to defend myself multiple times and I had my friends mugged in front of me During day in the city center So it was a dangerous place to be So being attacked was very possible but then I was being taught by my you know instructor. There's that there's only one way to do the things There's only one right right way, which is right his way And if you're attacked even if you're attacked you need to do specifically like that And there were multiple times when I was actually attacked and I was stuck in that mindset of Crappa he had to do it specifically like that and there's one story which I did share when I was jumped by five guys And they wanted to mug me And I freaked out and I didn't know what to do in that situation because nobody grabbed me Actually, actually funny enough one guy grabbed me on the collar, but I didn't train Techniques like what happens like what do you do if you're grabbed by the collar? And I freaked out. I don't I don't know a technique from this position. I just hit him with my fist They peppered me peppered me then and I ran away and actually actually I was also I stood there standing because I was taught My kid instructor never taught me that running away is a good option And and so I stood there five guys jumped me I hit one they freak out They didn't expect me to fight back and instead of running and taking that opportunity as they're freaking out Which would be the smart decision I stood there In my Akito stands looking if they have knives pretending to defend myself against four guys because of Let's be honest because of that teaching that's how my instructor taught me Again, then these peppers made me then I ran away. So thank goodness. I made it safe but the thing is Including that situation and some others That when I was jumped and I was attacked and I had to defend myself, you know, I would always talk with my Akito instructor about that afterwards. I would tell him look I was jumped I didn't know what to do and guess what his response was Now not in the same blunt words, but basically his message was it was your fault It was your fault that you were not able to defend yourself You want to guess why? Because you did not train enough You did not train well enough crazy, huh? Can you believe it? That was the The vibe of the school that was his teaching method every time I was jumped and there were quite a few times And I was not able to defend what the stuff he taught me. He never thought Maybe the stuff I'm teaching is shit Or maybe I should change something he would blame me. I'm sure I'm sure others He would tell us he would tell me well you should train more Or next time if the guy grabs you like this you should do this technique And now that I look back I think that's kind of one of the dark things I I did want to address and did want to point out is that Through that period I was in in deep fear I was in constant fear it's kind of almost actually something I almost forgot You know, obviously it was enough that I was living in an environment which was dangerous all the time But not enough with that my kiddo did not give me any confidence I always was whenever I would be walking and seeing someone Some potential threat and that was common You would see three guys walking your way and you would know that probably they will attack you It was a huge chance. So I was all I was always scanning my environment and I was always You know being prepared to defend myself and Yeah, and uh and And the thing I would do I would imagine okay They're gonna attack me if they grab me like this I'm gonna defend like this if they grab me like this I'm gonna defend like this if they grab me like this I'm gonna defend like this And it's like oh But if what if they're gonna grab me like this and I would start to freak out because I wouldn't know all the answers Because I was taught that that's the way you defend yourself. That's the way I like, you know And I would always blame myself for being afraid And for not knowing the the technique enough and And the thing I would do Afterwards, I would just train more of the same shit And now that when you dissect it and when you look at it, I don't like to Blame people, you know, if you know part of my philosophy is taking your own responsibility But it's difficult not It's difficult not See that That was the conditioning that I was in You know, I I came to conclusion. I I blame myself and I came to conclusion that, you know That I was coward That it was my fault That I don't know enough aikido or that I'm just a scary security security pants, you know A cowardized person And my aikido instructor well, I guess, you know, he didn't know what he didn't know I can't expect him to know everything And I wish he would have told me that fear is natural That it's it's okay to be afraid Everybody's afraid Even the best fighters in the world are afraid if you're not afraid, you're stupid That fear is not a bad sign It's what you do with that fear that matters That it's normal to be afraid that it doesn't mean you're a coward I wish he would have told me that it was his mistake That he didn't really taught me Real self-defense He didn't question that he didn't question himself. He just blamed me. He just blamed us And that fear stuck with me for a long time And I was conditioned by the difficult environment that I was around me of always being jumped on But a lot of it was just stress that I don't know what the fuck to do in it My second aikido instructor didn't help me much either. I developed false confidence with him Only when I started training mixed martial arts and Brazilian jiu-jitsu I started developing real confidence and real understanding that what a physical conflict is And I realized that That you know, I'm not an ultimate human being but also know how to fight And now I'm more aware more cautious more humble but also more prepared. I'm not afraid anymore You know if there's some douchebag You know Who would be attacking a lady on the street per se? And I would feel the responsibility to step in and and protect her Doesn't mean I wouldn't have adrenaline which most people confuse with fear But I would go in there because I would know that you know, I would risk my life. It would be dangerous But I would know that I know what I'm doing, you know, I'm I'm used to Dealing with real conflict You know with people who want to choke you out or punch you punch you like seriously But back then I couldn't Because of the, you know, terrible education now. Again, you could look at the story and especially if you're a deeply devoted religious Aikido person You know could look at the story and again say blame the the particular school or teacher And be like, oh, you're very lucky you met a really bad teacher. And yeah, I do think he wasn't that great But you also need to understand that There's a huge chance that there are plenty of instructors like him Exactly like him Or at least, you know, lesser versions of him But that direction I realized that's that's common in a culture where questioning is not encouraged And in aikido, unfortunately as much as in some yoga school spirituality, which I'm all about Talking about the shit that it delivers and gets people into It's it comes a lot of it comes from the lack of critical thinking It's a culture It's a high hierarchical culture where the instructor is enforced To feel like he knows it all He's not tested. He's not pressure tested. He's not questioned And that culture leads to a bad teacher and a bad teacher leads to bad outcomes for students I think that's one of the main messages here for me in the city and yeah, there were a lot of other things Like like I do I am quite upset about My kid instructor, but I think There's probably just one more thing which I will share on the video to make sure that hopefully if you're Working through the same if you're exposed to the same thing you will be able to see through it earlier than I did And you wouldn't blame yourself. You would understand that this is not a healthy way to conduct a group This is bad behavior It enforces bad habits And you shouldn't you know, put the blames on you. You should you should realize that it's not you It's the culture that you're in and now it's your responsibility to Get the hell out of that culture to find a culture which Which breeds confidence Which breeds humility humility and realistic Understand realistic assessment of your abilities Yeah, but so I think the last part that I want to share with you is I think eventually I started to kind of feel down about Learning Aikido with him because You know, I would train so much I would train pretty much I would go to the dojo I would have the keys and I would train with my friends every day and I would do so much but I would never be acknowledged by my Aikido instructor He would always be like well of orchestra still doing this wrong and it's not good enough and you should work harder Your technique is not that good But also didn't work when I was jumped when I was attacked. So I was starting to I lost confidence I lost more and more And I started questioning that maybe my Aikido instructor is not they're sending off at him Maybe it's just not me and it was a really difficult thing to do because you know, he was my father figure He was like a father figure to me and and I respected him so much So it was such a difficult thing to question and ask Maybe he's wrong. It was a painful process But I started doing that and it was more difficult and more difficult to Connect with him I started seeking answers outside of it inside of that place But also still wanted to be an Aikido instructor and It was crazy because he had one quality which I feel is A quality that should be avoided by all means And again It's something I'm hesitant to talk about because I don't want to you know make it too personal, but You know if I if I if I will keep my mouth shut and you know, I will let it slip. It's like that phrase That famous phrase which I think Einstein said or it's kind of a well-known phrase That If good people will It's kind of like that. I can't say it exactly but it's like if good people won't do anything about The bad things If the if the few people if the few good people will do something about the bad things that are happening then, you know, the world will be lost You know, it's sometimes difficult to talk about certain things, but But sometimes it's important to So a quality which I feel was unhealthy was that My first Aikido instructor he would I kind of mentioned that in beginning He would always feel like he knows the answer And he was very quick to tell that everyone else doesn't unless it was people he approved You know, it was like his his aikido instructor or or some aikido instructor from especially from japan He was at all About japanese. I think that's kind of a reoccurring that bad pattern where where yoga people think that only indians can learn yoga Where japanese where martial artists think that only japanese no real aikido and etc He was like that like if it was if it was a japanese person He was like that means he knows the answer. He was worshiping them But if it was someone especially a westerner who he did not know he was quick to judge and say it's bullshit You know, he's a heretic. He's fake he was very strong about it and I um When I decided that I will move to switzerland and become an aikido instructor, I thought he would be proud of me Because you know, I'm like my god, it's a big step, you know The path that he led me on to He he I thought about taking it on professionally. I thought he will be proud. I went to a legit high ranking akido instructor and And soon enough he decided he's fake You know without ever meeting him just seeing like a couple videos And he was upset about me. He was like, well Brokers, you shouldn't go there. You know that guy's a fake You should stay with me and train continue to train. That was his suggestion Trained with me and you will know real aikido Which is such an arrogant thing to say Again, such a lack of critical thinking and then I moved to switzerland and Ever since then he resented me. He never accepted me back. I know I I gained my ranks I gained a second black belt I would come and visit him sometimes and he would always give me a hard time He would always be like, well, you know, you're a kid of shit, basically It was tough. It was hard, you know, because Part of me wanted approval from him And it was painful for For me to be Concerned by him to be fake But that's how he was and I think again, it's it's an unhealthy way, you know, you should A student A teacher's quality should be the desire For your students to outgrow you that should be celebrated and I didn't feel like that was, you know, the case So it was kind of a weird direction and and to this day Actually only like About six months ago, maybe even less to be honest. I think it's just like a few months ago. I think it was january this year Because we haven't seen each other for a couple of years like live, but but he would be on facebook And he would come to my facebook page not not private messages But he would come on my facebook page and and he would give me like shit. He would write me like Really heavy criticism critical messages Like if I would release the video and he wouldn't the funny part is that he doesn't even understand english But he would watch some of my videos and and he would see me training in me and he was very judgmental about that He would judge me as along a few other people that, you know, that i'm a brute that i'm some violent brute and And I failed aikido and I never Learned real aikido and I never really understood aikido like he would write public messages Which everyone could see like that He would criticize me and he would be like Broke us. You have no clue what you're talking about. You're a lost soul And you're trying to help others, but actually you're just fooling everyone else. He would literally write stuff like that And again, it was a bit heavy for me to to read that because at a certain time I respected him And I was honoring him and I believed in him and I was taking him as an example and then He he it was you know part of me wanted to consider that maybe what he's saying is true, but it was so off Which made it even more painful and eventually Eventually, I just blocked him on facebook And that made my date You know, I I tried to reason with him. I tried to respond and said look, you know, like let's be humble You know, and maybe you don't know what you're talking about, you know Why don't you listen in more and try to understand what i'm talking about? You know, I don't I think you're not seeing the whole picture, but he was You know, he thought he was convinced he's right and I'm wrong And he was publicly giving me shit about it Yeah, so, uh, that was tough, but uh, that's one of the superpowers I learned is blocking people sometimes Like, you know, we Most of times we don't want to do it because we feel like, you know, that makes us weaker But sometimes it's there's a point where you just have to do it and I did it Never heard again From him since but Yeah And also too, it's what's interesting is sorry, but I feel like there's a couple more things important to say here Oh, there's a nice bird here. Look bird train does you see that bird? birdie birdie So, uh Yeah, so he Also too and this is something I will definitely not say on record You know, I want to respect his private life, but but I just want to admit that there were some things He did which were really unethical Like I it was just clear on like if you would write it down on a piece of paper and you read You read about it. You would be like holy crap This is wrong but then he would go out and Show himself as an example and and especially to young guys would pose himself as the guy who knows the answers better than everyone else And would and would and would tutor them he would tell exactly what they're doing wrong what they should be doing right It's dark stuff It's dark stuff because it impacts that brain it impacts that person's lives like it did to me and I had to fight against that for years to kind of get out of it and not to say, you know Like it doesn't affect me at all anymore like with that tongue thing And actually I remember this I think this will be the last thing which is again an important part to acknowledge and recognize Uh How lack of critical thinking and an instructor can really damage you not only psychologically but also physically because He was also all about hardcore trading He was a very uh He was a very, uh Devoted kind of religious guys about kiyokushin karate Which if you don't know that's a karate style Created by masutamo A guy who lived in a forest for like a half a year just straining and breaking rocks with his bare hands And he would fight bulls actual bulls with bare hands and cut off their Horns with his hands, but and but but but he also created the style of karate called kiyokushin Which was really I think it was unhealthy It was full contact sparring but they would break each other's bones And Do like ridiculously hard types of training which i'm pretty sure it was it's damaging for the body like hitting walls and everything And I was inspired by that I guess that's what my keto instructor my first second instructor presented to me that as the as the way to go to So I was hitting walls with my bare hands. My knuckles are still They're still deformed like these two knuckles. See how big they are And and there's like, you know, I can feel like the bones are not right there Sometimes it's still a bit painful because I thought That it's all about conditioning them that that's the way to go And uh So but also we did other you know crazy things I would I would Inspired by him I would try to do a split And I ignored all other Stretching exercises and I overstretched certain parts of my body Which started to feel like like like I would have I'd have very strong tension in parts of my body and pain because I was always over stretching it in a wrong way And he was like he he was suggesting that it's a good practice to do just just go nuts doing your doing a split Um, he would also put us on top of each other Like I would a guy of my size Like 80 kilograms like 180 pounds would sit on my shoulders And we would do these aikido turns which are bad for the knees And we would keep doing them and eventually that led me to Years later, but it led me to my meniscus operation My knee was I had to have surgery because of that type of training Because I fucked up my meniscuses that's I could tell you the science behind it But it's clear that it comes from that shit You know and so there was so much hardcore training encouraged and the the crazy and almost ironically funny part is What I know of him now he's pretty much a cripple He can he can barely move he can barely teach aikido anymore. He he uses his students to teach for him Because because of that type of training he was abusing his body for years And he has multiple injuries and he already was had those injuries already when I was training with him He would he kept having surgeries and it didn't occur to him that maybe the way that he's training is is fucked up and And he shouldn't shouldn't teach his students the same but he did he encouraged us to do it and so inspired by that I would continue to do crazy shit. I would put on weights. I would put on like five kilos on each leg Four kilos and each arms and ten kilo wet west and I would run and do exercises with it and these unhealthy aikido turns on full feet Which are bad for the knees And when I was 19 when I moved to switzerland, I was like an old man My knees were painful. My knees are still painful till this day. I have to really take care of my knees Uh, my back was my back muscles were too short. I had constant back pain when I was nine 18 19 Constantly I was having back pains hip pains Shoulder pain Till today. I'm still actually recovering from that and on in yoga. Help me. I worked a lot. I do foam rolling and stuff to kind of Get get my body back to balance. But those few years that I trained with him and I was encouraged to go hardcore Uh, I'm actually still suffering the The implications from it Till this day, you know, there's there's a significant impact from it. So what's the moral here? My moral here is I think it's pretty evident. It's pretty obvious If you are a teacher, it's a huge huge huge huge responsibility People will look up to you Most people will not question you So that means you need to Make sure they question you You need to encourage that you need to always you need to question yourself even more than anyone else You have to if your students are already questioning you you should question yourself even harder I wish that my Akira my first Akira instructor would have been More intelligent and he would have looked at the science of stretching of healthy training Of all that mystical bullshit that he taught us as reality That he would have spent more time asking if it's the right thing to teach He didn't and I had to face a lot of shit because of that And again in a way, you know in a way, I can't even blame him Well, he doesn't know what he doesn't know but part of me wishes he did Part of me does So it's been a way longer video than I expected But I felt it was important to put it on video I know it's probably gonna resonate with some of you and there's a lot of Valuable insights and lessons that I learned there, which I feel will be valuable to you as well And if you are on the same page if you experience at least something to such a degree or if you're an instructor a teacher Then I'm pretty sure, you know, it was worth watching the whole thing Anyway, let me know what you think in the comments The journey continues