 I just got done recording what I thought was gonna be a best-to-worst list ranking the Star Wars films, all the live-action ones. It didn't turn out to be the case, as I was 30 minutes into recording and was still on the last Jedi. So I've decided to reshoot the whole thing, because I never made it past the last Jedi, and instead use this footage as a separate video altogether. Now I know this is nothing new, especially on YouTube, someone to complain about this film. It might not be for the exact reasons. You know, I'm certainly not crying about Mary Sue's or anything of that nature. I just don't like it from a normal standpoint. So since you're here and you clearly have the time, why not listen to a grown man once again cry about a space opera film? Let's begin. Hey, before I dive in, if you hate the last Jedi as much as I do, make sure to force push that subscribe button. If you love the film, make sure to push it as well. Just do it a little lighter. It's gonna touch it lightly as a protest touch. All right, let's continue. What is there to really say about the last Jedi that hasn't been set online about a million times already? Not much. I hate it. How's that for a quick overview? It looks gorgeous. This may be, arguably, the best-looking Star Wars movie, full stop ever. I truly love the design. I love the atmosphere. It's got a darker vibe to it. It's got a somber feel. Ryan Johnson knows how to film a movie. I'll give him props there for sure. The score reflects that really well too. I love the music in this film. The soundtrack's phenomenal. The clothing, the ships, the designs, the porgs. I love me a good porg at the end of the day. I know they're just corporate, money-grubbing little shits created to sell merch. But I'll buy a porg. In fact, my son owns a porg. He has a little stuffed one in his bed. Looks at him every night. Haunts him. I know the red room scene, the throne room scene gets a lot of shit about poor choreography. Have you seen the original trilogy? Why we lie to ourselves? There is plenty to criticize in the last Jedi. We don't need to make shit up. Or we don't need to harp on things that are clearly apparent in other Star Wars movies. More so even. That fight in a new hope? Were they just playing patty cake with the lightsabers and doing little twirls? Obi-Wan's like, Ha! Ho! Uh! Ho! Don't you wish your Jedi was hot like me? Don't you wish your Sith was a Jedi like me? Don't you? Plus we got Daisy Ridley rocking that gray ensemble. Just gorgeous. Love it. Love everything about it. We have to take a couple steps back and talk about The Force Awakens. A film that I defended. A film that I slit my wrists to, opened them up and said, I'm here, man. I'm with you, J.J. Abrams, to the very end. I was online saying, What are you talking about, Mary Sue? I never even heard this stupid term before. What are you assholes going on about? Oh, she's perfect with The Force. She already knows Jedi tricks with no training. She knows how to fly a Millennium Falcon and fix it better than fucking Harrison Ford does. Who cares? There's something going on behind the scenes. This is the first film of a new trilogy. Let it have time to breathe. Let it have time to grow. This is Disney. They have a plan. These are the guys that brought us the MCU. That clearly had goals in mind. It was set up, step by step along the way. They're not just going to wing this thing. I have a plan. I put on several videos. Apologist. Saying, Just wait. You shit. You don't know anything about the next film. You don't know anything about what the future holds. Rey is most likely the daughter of Luke. She could have been Jedi Force Wiped, for all we know. She was left on a planet to fend for herself. We don't know the reasons why. Maybe the Sith is hunting down her father and mother, who we've never met yet. I can't wait to meet Luke's wife. I'm sure she's just a treasure. We don't meet her. We don't even meet Luke as far as I'm concerned. There's so much potential here. So let's talk about A Force Awakens. It built up a very similar premise to A New Hope. You could argue it was a carbon copy, and you wouldn't be entirely wrong. But it's a playbook that worked, you know, like a million years ago. Let's bring it back for a new audience. Let's bring those familiars in. That maybe didn't like the prequel so much, like myself. Let's win them over here. Let's say, guess what? We're back to the basics. You know this story. We're doing it again for a new gen. We're going to bring back the old Reliables, Han, Luke, Leia, Chewie, R2-D2, C3PO, and then we're not going to use them at all. We're going to treat them like secondhand characters. We're going to treat them at this point like they're an old, retired person that needs to be put in a home and ignored for the later part of their years, because they're useless to us now. We have to think about the future. G.J. Abrams delivered Ryan Johnson the easiest goddamn lamp on the planet. Here's the ball. I set the hoop to three feet. So you just walk up, drop the ball right down in there, or dunk it if you want, and do a victory lap around the court. Wave to the audiences. Go by. Blow some kisses to the ladies. They're going to love you after this. We have some intrigue. The force is calling out to this new young Jedi girl. Specifically, Luke Slidesaber. That's some weird little orange alien chick has and says it's a story for another time. A story we're never going to hear! Luke has gone into hiding. There's a secret map that's so important and precious to stay out of the hands of the new Empire. Rebuilt. Rebranded. The First Order. Or the New Order. I don't know anymore. I don't care anymore. There's a new, mysterious, Palpatine-type figure behind the scenes, pulling the strings. Was he Palpatine's master this whole time? Is it Palpatine reincarnate? The evil emperor? In a new shell of sorts? Are we going to get some cool flashback to return to the Jedi where we find out a distressed beacon is sent out to Snoke and maybe even a couple more dark Sith lords? I know there's some shit about one master, one apprentice thing that was brought into the prequels. I believe. My knowledge is a little sketch on that. So what? Change it. We change stuff all the time. I don't care about that. That's like such a dumb thing too. That's lame. Now forget all that though. Forget all the things that you think would have been cool. Uh, Ryan Johnson and other plans. Now, there is an argument that I've heard after this movie came out that just boggles my mind. And that is, you weren't happy with the film because it didn't go where you wanted it to or your headcanon was different. So therefore, you're wrong. When has it been said in stone that you can't have a better idea for a film? Or where is it said in stone that you you don't have to like the way a film was written? Are we now defending films like 50 Shades of Grey or Twilight? Because when I look at those movies, I think to myself, man, there was a thousand better ways I could have wrote this. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I would be disappointed if you didn't come to that conclusion at one point or another when watching a movie. Like critically thinking about a film's plot and going, you know what? That doesn't make sense. That doesn't add up. Why didn't they do this instead instead of mindlessly watching a film and digesting whatever they put on the screen? Art is subjective after all. You don't have to like the same painting someone else does. You shouldn't like the same painting someone else does just because you're told to or because the score on Rotten Tomatoes is high. What the last Jedi essentially boils down to is a slow moving space chase for a few days. It doesn't push the story forward at all. Outside of we find out that Luke is useless and doesn't have anything to do with the franchise really. Outside of he was a failure as a teacher and he kind of turned his back on the force. There's some interesting ideas there. Don't get me wrong. The whole like throw out the Jedi scripts or the Bibles or whatever. It's all BS written by a bunch of idiots that don't know anything or they thought they knew but they were arrogant. Okay, cool. Let's go into that a little bit more. Oh no, we're not going to? Okay, fine. Usually when a hero or a protagonist comes to that conclusion though they don't just throw it all away and then give up or make one final sacrifice one last hurrah and call it a day they usually forge their own path and try to do things the right way instead of moping and hiding for 30 years on a rock before you die on the damn thing alone. Hey, but Luke did do something. He gave those rebels a chance to escape. He bought them all of I'd say 25 seconds extra to go run into the back of the cave where Rey was conveniently on the other side force pulling the rocks up so they could get out. I don't think they needed Luke at all. I'm pretty sure Rey moves those rocks. She runs inside and says, hey guys, we can get out this way. I mean, I don't think he did shit. I don't dislike the last Jedi though just because Luke was mishandled. Okay, fine. He was mishandled. I don't like the last Jedi for a myriad of reasons. One, the tone is all over. At some points, it's dark and cool and mysterious. And at others, you're like out of a shitty Harry Potter film. And I love Harry Potter. This is a shitty Harry Potter film that was never made until last Jedi. Where they're in this casino planet jumping on cars, running away on these awfully rendered horse things. You got broomstick boy doing the force, which I don't believe goes anywhere. That's how the film ends. Like the force is awakening in people, which was the title of the last one, but they're awakening now. And then I don't... That doesn't do anything. It doesn't go anywhere. Almost every single character is mishandled in this. Rey has no growth as a character because she was already seemingly perfect before. She had some parenting baggage to get over, but that really didn't seem to hinder her in any sort of respect. Kylo Ren's the only cool character in this whole goddamn thing because he's got some conflict. Even though it's conflict we'd already previously seen in the prequel films, albeit I think Adam Driver's a much better actor. No disrespect to Hayden Christensen, but maybe it's just because Driver had better lines to work with and scene direction. Something Lucas isn't the most equipped to handle. We have Princess Leia though, Mary Poppins in through space, Superman-ing back to a ship, looked atrocious, made no sense. She has force resurrection abilities? How? I thought it was cool that she was a trained Jedi like off-screen, and they did that awesome flashback in the final installment, which I loved, but they don't do anything with it. She's like, I'm gonna use the force like two times in this film, and it's gonna be pretty useless. Like the first time is just to save myself, and then the second time is to say goodbye to my stupid brother. Poe becomes absolute trash in this one. Just a cock charidia to get some of his platoon killed. For some reason, the upper management is keeping secrets from him. I don't know why. It makes no sense. They're trying to teach him a lesson when they have a squadron of like 50 people left. Yeah, now's the time to start teaching lessons about being a leader. You know what? Maybe don't keep one of your main lieutenants in the dark about what your plans are, especially when it makes no sense. Then we have good old Finn, the Stormtrooper who couldn't. What happened? He was also great in a Force Awakens. Terrific chemistry with him and Daisy Ridley going back and forth, and then they just sideline this guy and put in Rose Tico for some stupid love story arc that goes absolutely nowhere like most of the new setups in this film. The stuff that was previously set up thrown away. New stuff is introduced and goes nowhere in the next movie because you have two directors who supposedly were working together and chatting, making their own movies that don't add up to a cohesive trilogy. And then they have the gall to do these interviews pretending like it was all in the plans. And then they do separate interviews later saying, no, we never talked. And then later interviews saying, oh yeah, we were in constant communication. What the fuck? The movie is also a chore to get through. It's incredibly long, just pacing-wise. It feels miserable to sit through even though it looks so pretty. And it has visually stunning sequences. Outside of the Mary Poppins stuff. I just don't care. I don't want to watch it. It's a miserable watch. Maybe a couple more porgues scenes and I'm invested again, but no, they're not in it that much either. Not enough. Not enough. The final battle on Planet Salt is so incredibly stupid. I can't even comprehend it. They're flying these little skiff planes or whatever. Just absolute piles of shit. And you have this massive army they're going against with state of- top of the line weaponry, just blasting these things. And out of nowhere, Rose Tico's side-swipes, Finn, sits down with the guy and is confessing her love to him. While the entire first order is looking at them like, brah, should we shoot them? But then they see who it is and they're like, nah, let's not even waste a laser on them. Do lasers run out? Apparently, fuel does in this film. That's new. But I don't know. I don't even think they'll waste a never-ending laser on them. That's how pathetic Finn and Rose are. Alright, so at the end of the day, the rebels escaped the planet. At least we still have Snoke to deal with, you know? It's not just going to be some lame Rey versus Kylo thing. Oh no, they kill Snoke! Snoke's dead. He's not coming back. The big new bad is just Kylo Ren. The whiny, kind of unsure, spoiled little brat that will probably turn out to be good in the end anyways. Or at least, you know, make the right decision at the end. Just like, you know, Darth Vader did. Sweet. Alright, so that was my bitch-fest of the last Jedi. I didn't know it was going to go this direction, but I guess I should have. I should have known myself by now. Anyway, let me know your thoughts about the film. Has it become the next Empire Strikes Back for you? Like, people have been saying for years online that it's going to be the next Empire Strikes Back and we just are stupid and don't see it? Or is it still a shitty film that you don't ever want to watch or think about it again? Like, myself. Leave a comment if you haven't. Like the video if you want to. And make sure to subscribe, though. I put out a lot of new movie content every day at this point, so hopefully I'll see you around. May the Force be with you. Wow, what a ride. It certainly took a turn, didn't it? I'm not one with the Force, but if I could, join me on Patreon and give me a dollar or five dollars a month. Show your support or join right here on YouTube for the same. You get an exclusive access. 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