 Oh, yeah, he had sex with it. You told strangers about it. Oh, oh my God. Hey, are we live, man? While Michael swells his flatulence up into his nostrils. I can't tell it's affecting the frequency. Anyway, episode number fucking 26 of the Muddy Michael fully actual podcast. We're here in James's shed because we're in between homes. But now we can tell you is good. We're going to tell we're going to reveal it to Matt on the podcast. But the fucking real estate send him a text message congratulating him because he'll be living in this house. We've found a house. Matt is the caretaker. So that's unbelievable. We finally found a fucking house and it's not a bad house. It is. Oh, man, it shits all over my old. Yeah, it's like a nice house that we can enjoy for the next year. So we're going to work there from there. We'll have the podcast there. We'll do all that filming there. It's there's a fair bit of land and Matt is going to live there. You dumb fuck. You have no idea how dumb that is. Your life is fucked. His room will be called the have hole. Yeah, his room will be known as the have hole. It'll be the sickest little corner. And I'm sure he'll do his own things and put spider webs up all over the walls and shit like he likes to do and put heaps of air con in there and make sure there's ice on the floor. He actually said the other day that he's just going to have the bin in the kitchen as his room, I think. Well, whatever you want to do, Matt, anyway, we get the keys this Saturday. So next week, we will have a new podcast set. And that podcast set, we will have for like a good solid year and it's going to be good. Things are looking up. We finally did it. We it was so stressful. We had to get insurance. Yeah, it was. Oh, man. We had someone had to insure us in order for this to happen. Like it's been a really difficult process trying to juggle. We're like, I'm trying to rush the insurance guys like hurry up and find someone to insure us and also keep the real estate calm. Like, yeah, don't worry, man. Yeah, we'll have insurance within the next 24 hours. No worries. And then juggling that all week. And then here we are. We have a fucking house and it's nice. You'll see it all. We'll do a fucking house tour on the website. That's for sure. Oh, yes. Love our little house tours and TV cribs edition. This would be a good one, too. Yeah, finally. This will be our first good house that we have. It's the first good thing we've ever had. Apart from the van, the van used to be good. The van's our only asset. The house that we'll be renting is the first nice thing that someone's letting us use. The van's a bit shit now. It smells like COVID. So it's going to clean it. It's fucking. It's exciting times ahead, boys. We fucking did it, buddy. We're going to buy a house, but shit got crazy. So we're going to rent now and then just save up and then hopefully after this, this renting period. Imagine we could buy a castle. That's the dream. Is there any castles in Brisbane? Yeah, yeah, there's nine. There's nine. Yeah, yeah, in North Brazil alone. James Cook and shit loves castles and shit, man. And Botany Bay. Yeah. Remember? Yeah. Sorry. What else do we have to talk about? We went to the Echo and fuck. All right, if you honestly think that the Echo is something to rave about and it's fun, you are such a fucking, you are warped. Yeah, I eat shit. Yeah, I have golly bottles, but fuck me. The rides there? Yeah, they're quite scary. No, no, the thing about the rides, right? Everything just goes in circles. Everything's just makes you dizzy and nauseous. And oh, everything's like 10 times the price that it should be. And it's literally like probably, it's like a shit, really shit version of the Olympics. I was going to say Commonwealth Games, but or even like Dream World, you pay the same price to get in the Dream World and at least, you know, you might see a family die. But you might have to explain what the Echo is for people. The Echo is like, like, it's like Brisbane's Carnival. Every year, every city has like their own little carnival. It's like Brisbane's show or carnival. And it's not like there are some cool things about it. There's some cool food for animals. Do you love the animals? Marty's obsessed with the animals. Padding the animals is always a great life. Anyway, we've vlogged it. It'll be on the website. We're at the wood shopping. Michael and I, there's a funny, there's a guy who goes around to pick up all that shit from the animals. And we walked up to him and he's wheelbarrow full of shit. And I'm like, that's not shit. And we started like putting our fingers in and stuff. And dude, that's not shit. That's not shit. He didn't break like, he was like, no, no, it's definitely shit. He was so chill about it. It was weird. But that's just the taste of what's in the vlog. Oh man, yeah. Look, it's for website only because it's just. Yeah, it wouldn't be worthy. It'd be weird putting a vlog on our Facebook. If we put that on YouTube or Facebook, you guys would be like, dude, what the fuck is this? Why aren't you guys fucking maiming each other? So it's for website only. We know the podcast fans are different too, but yeah, obviously we can't put a vlog on the podcast. So I can't watch it. Well, you can. All you have to do is enter your card. Do you even have a fucking card come? Do you have a fucking card come? No, stay off the grid. In your bra, you do. You're living out a little. And you sell concrete to corporations. You're the caretaker. You are the fucking corporation, cunt. You're the head of the snake. Spit in concrete out. New building, new building, new building. Anyway, we got a very good episode for you today. We got, what do we got? We got lying to Locky will fill you in when that segment rolls around. It's a Hail Mary. It's a big, big lie this week. Then we have Bachelor Brown. James will be joining us on the podcast. He's here. James? James is ready. Then we got prank call. The screaming segment is back. The black book. And of course, all of the other shit as well. We're not viable. German segment, we'll probably have to miss again and probably PO box again because it's a jam packed episode. It's fucking huge. So strap yourselves in your dogs. And before you continue listening slash watching, we are running a comment competition. Do you understand? We are going to give $1,000 to one random person who has commented during this entire season. So we're gonna pick one comment from the entire season for all of the comments. So the more time, if you comment once, you're in the running to win the $1,000. If you comment twice, guess what? You've just doubled your chances. What happens if they comment a third time, Matt? They bomb. Third time's chances. Basic math. It's basic maths. Four times, four times the chances. So if you comment 100? 100, the chances. So it's basic maths. So fucking, we'll pick it at random. So get commenting, because the more times you comment, the more chances you have of fucking winning. And that's cool, man. Well, like it's just an easy way to make a bit of money. Yeah, it's financial advice. We're a bank, sort of. Yeah, we're loaning and shit. Will you get Matt a house? Oh, don't worry, Matt. Here, live here, please. Oh, fucking man. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, it sounds nice, doesn't it? I reckon you have to wear a robe. Yep. The caretaker's robe. King Brown. And it's a dress. It's a wedding, a used wedding dress. I think he does that anyway. You just went from a robe to wedding dress. Okay, well, that's what I said. Which one do you want? I want the wedding dress. I think a mix of the two. Anyway, it's, yeah. You're in for a, oh, I can't wait, Matt. Are you going to get a dog? I don't know, but I'm definitely going to, I'm going to enjoy bounding around that, uh... Oh, yeah. Filched from Harry Potter. Filched from Harry Potter, yeah. Yeah, he needs to grow a bit of hair, though. How can we do that? Would you, if we paid for him, Matt, would you get hair plugs only on the back section of your head? No, no, no, no, no. I've got an idea. I don't need plugs. I don't need my hair gloves. You have to grow your hair out. You're not allowed to shave it for like five years and we'll give you a... Five years. Every week you don't shave your head. We give you $100. That's not worth it. Oh, I reckon it's fucking worth it. You're making five K a year. Five grand to not shave your head. Just wear beanie dogs for five years. That's like fucking one-tenth of your wage. You're probably half your wage. No, I'm not a person. Healing wage. That is a poor offer. I reckon, okay. I'm worth more. No, no, okay. Dude, imagine you with stringy, weird hair. Like the back hair, that fucking Harry Potter character. I would love you like that. I would embrace you. I'd fill you up more. I stand with that. Anyway. Stop it. Anyway, let's quickly pump out these fucking sponsors because we get a lot on. Hey, everyone who's listening, why don't you sit down? Sit down and open your laptop, okay? If it's available, have a look at it. Bang! Virus. You've just fucked your whole life up and your dead cunt because you're out on the streets and you've been thrown out because the government knows where you live, you dumb bitch. Fuck off and get NordVPN, you stupid pigs. All of you are so fucking dumb and twisted. You won't just sit there and let them all take your data. Let them gobble it down, dickhead. Fuck off. NordVPN will protect you like hyenas protect carcasses, cunt. Ooh. That's good. There's something that I've got to read. Hang on. There's something I've got to read. Threat Protection Deal. Are you under threat? I am from you. Sorry. Threat Protection Deal communication will end on... Ha ha ha ha ha. Hey, Nord. Oh, you keep that in. I look, keep that in, Connor. NordVPN. If you don't know what a VPN is, then fuck you. A VPN hides you, it hides you in the internet. It's like VIP shit. No one knows where you are. You can't get fucking, you won't get hacked. You can watch entertainment from anywhere in the world. So it's like, if you do anything on your laptop, you're gonna want a VPN. It makes sense. If you work maybe 10 minutes a day from, if you check emails on a laptop or your phone, NordVPN, NordVPN, use our discount code fully actual. The link is in the description. NordVPN slash NordVPN.com slash fully actual and you get some cool shit, all right? What is it for fucking, hang on, let me see. No one who uses, everyone who uses NordVPN is alive. Yep. Everyone who uses NordVPN is alive. People who don't use NordVPN, most of them are dead. They do die eventually. Do the maths, idiot. If you're dead, you're not using NordVPN. So maybe go get it if you wanna stay alive, dickhead. And that's McLei flu, I can stand. Let me just scroll up and find out how much it was again. McLei flu is clear. Yeah. Oh man, where has it gone? McLei flu is clear. It's like fucking, cut all that, Connor. NordVPN, okay, it's your money back guarantee. First of all, let me start by saying that. So if you're wondering, oh, I don't know if it's gonna work, I don't know if it's for me. Shut up, shut up. Shut the fuck up. It's money back guarantee. If you don't like it, you get your money back. No questions asked. Okay, it's like, if you sign up for the yearly deal, it's like $4 or some shit. I don't know the numbers off the top of my head. What do I look like? Some kind of nerd, idiot. It's like $4 a month for a year. Plus you get a gift. Do you want a gift, Matt? It could be a diamond ring. No, I don't want to put my kid in here because I only focus on porn. $5 a month or some shit. Probably less to sign up for a year. That's like half a cup of coffee or some shit, baby. Yeah, it's basically free. Look, NordVPN is the future. And if you don't get with it, then fuck you. Yeah, I'll stand by that. Fully actual, okay? If you want all the perks, you get a lot of cool shit if you know you know us. If they know that you know us, you're pretty cool. NordVPN.com slash fully actual, link in the description. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. If you don't get it, fuck you. Actually, nah, yeah, fuck you. And sorry. Hey, everyone, have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, fuck, I just want to fuck. What's happened, man? I've gone down some dark paths and now I look like this. Yeah, you're laughing, you're relating to it. Matt relates, if that's you, then how about you go to manscape.com, okay? Because these fucking legends have taken every great invention ever made for your appearance and put it all on one website. Manscape.com and better than that, we're going to give you 20% off because we know the owner can't. The owner's one of our best mates. Yeah, yeah. The CEO of Manscape says, oh, fine, here. Use this discount code fully actual 20 and you get 20% off for everyone who listens to you. That's our gift to you, 20% off. Just at least click on the link and just go to the website and see what they have. Because to be honest, they have so many products that I don't remember one of them. Well, we've got some right here. There's the shaver. There's a shampoo, a body spray, a cologne, some undies, some ball wipes. The body wash, the shower body wash is so good. Refining the gentlemen. There's, they went, these guys took off because they have a shaver there. You can shave your balls in the shower, okay? And it doesn't cut you. It doesn't, look, you start to be careful but it's far less likely to cut you. They've got nose trimmers, fuck you, man. Manscaped.com, go to Manscaped. Go to Manscaped. Go to Manscaped.com. Fully actual 20, 20% off. Use it or get fucked. Say use it or lose it. Use it or lose it. Oh, yeah. Pleasure, pleasure. I'll send the invoice tonight. Pleasure, pleasure. I'll send the invoice tonight. Use it or lose it. Anyway, and that's Manscaped. And our final sponsor, of course, is the University of Marker, which is our very own subscription website where we post weekly videos. We haven't missed an upload for like two and a half years, by the way. Did you know that? Not once? Not once. Really? Really can't. You haven't missed an upload at all. So it's like 250 videos. Not one. Wait, 220, yeah, there's like 220 videos at the moment, right? Someone call that dedication. That's a big weekend. That's a big weekend binge. Dude, I worked it out. It would take you far more than a weekend to watch now. Marked, man. It would take you like, honestly. You're not caught in my fling there. It would take you like, honestly a week to watch it now. Because a lot of our episodes are over half an hour long. So that means 50 episodes would take you 24 hours. Wow. Yeah. There's so much content. Dude, it's unbelievable. And some of the shit on this, there's some of our, no, they are, we have the best videos we've ever made on there. Okay? Look, I don't want to go into it, but there's some good shit. What's coming out right now while people have listened? We had the, oh, you guys remember when we went to the red carpet event in Sydney? That got messy. We got fucked up and tried to meet Chris Hemsworth. We got so sloppy drama. That's on there. That vlog is on there. You saw the stories on Instagram and Facebook. It was a wild night, man. And as well as the extended version of whatever prank is coming out. So it's just wild. Wild shit. When does Brown Gov come out? Brown Gov is being edited right now. Oh, sorry. It's edited. We've watched the edited version. I watched the version of it and you sent it to me. We, yeah, that's like it. Yeah, it was. It was really good. So basically it was me and Brown versus Marty and James in golf nine holes. After each hole, if you lose a hole, you're going to do a punishment. And there's, it's got really gross. It got really close. It got really close. It got very close. It's in the bushes. Yeah, that's not revealing. I forgot about that. I blocked it out. So that's coming on the website too. So we, you know, social media has all these rules. And like, yeah, it's not, we put out social media videos and we see all the OG fans like, these guys used to be funny two years ago. We want to put our shit on social media, but we can't. Hence the website. Sellouts. Yeah. Basically. So if you can't do any of those things to help us out, that's totally fine. Okay. Just please like, comment, subscribe and five star review on Spotify because that keeps us going as well. If the money dried up, the only thing that keeps us going is the engagement and the reviews and just the women for Matt Brown. They keep the wheels turning for him. I didn't get any women. What all this? Ah, ah, ah, ah. Stop, nobby. We're loaded. Stop. No. We can't have this in there. Okay, all right, we'll cut that bit, but we'll leave in the end bit then where we're like, no, no, no. Matt just asks us to cut something. All right. You need to know Matt just asks us to cut something. Sorry. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Break it, break it. All right. Let's move right along, hey? Ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, oh, oh. Flush. Oh, fucking flush. On this date. On this date in 2003, Russell Crow headbutted a taxi driver to death for taking a wrong turn. Cops came and he headbutted them too. He grabbed their arms to hold them in place and then repeatedly slung hard and fast headbutts directly forehead to forehead. It was truly shocking to see. So they tased him and arrested him. He regained consciousness and jail and headbutted through the steel bars. He headbutted the guards. Bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang. He escaped and police were too scared to chase him. Not knowing what to do, John Howard, who was the prime minister at the time, called Russell and said he's free to do what he wants. Russell said, give me a footy team. John Howard said yes. Don't fuck with Russell Crow. That's why he bought the rabbit-o's. Sounds like he didn't. He got given the rabbit-o's. He got given the rabbit-o's. John Howard. If I ever met that man, why are you called that, you fuck? I don't mind him, mate. I'm all right with him. John Howard. Yeah, I know. There's an actor called John Howard as well. There was. They look exactly the same. I think they're the same person. I'm pretty sure they're exactly the same person. Yeah, man. All right, guys, it's time for a segment that... This is probably the most wholesome segment of the whole show. Michael has basically written down... Wholesome, you say? Every piece of wisdom that has been produced in his brain and squeezed out. He's written it down in a... What is it? It's a Bible, to be honest. And to be honest, it matches the actual Bible in my opinion. Well, anyone can write a fucking religion. And Michael's proved that. And during this time, he's not Michael, he's... Beesus. Beesus. It's Jesus but B. Because Jesus was not... He wasn't B. Very B when he was hanging on that cross. Especially now he's dead. That's like, just relax, man. It's B a bit more. Simple. Simple maths. It's simple maths. OK. Wait, I'm just getting to that page. I'm actually a clola flogger. Le flea. OK. All right. This is chapter 888. Reading is like talking if you read out loud. See? So let me read some more. Sometimes times have some different times than other times. Example, if the time is three o'clock, then that time is three o'clock. And if the time is four o'clock, then that time is that time. Clocks are time's keepers and watches are their leashes. If there were no clocks, there would be no watches and time would run away telling everyone I gotchas. Sorry. And that explains it for me. That answered a lot of questions about time that I had. Matt? See? Matt agrees. Well, thank you, Michael. Truly, it was beautiful. Inspirational. It feels like poems. Yeah, it is. It feels like poems. It's poetry. It's a book of death. All right. This is the book of death. OK, now it's time for the book. You're from the Bible to Lucifer's Bible. We must have light for there to be dark. And here comes the dark. All right, I'm about to read to you an excerpt from Matt's little black book. And this book contains every single sexual experience that this freak to my left has ever fucking done in his fucking life. And let me tell you, there are some fucked up shit this cunt's fucking been through. And you don't want to know about it. If this is your first time listening to this, skip this shit because you're going to want to call the cops. It's fucked. Fuck him. Actually, call the cops. Call the cops. Please call the police on us and show them this podcast. I don't feel safe. No one feels safe. Matt Brown's little black book. OK, so last week, as you remember, Matt wakes up in hell and is taken to a party where he sees Julian. You find out Satan fucks you to death every day, even though he's a VIP. Satan then fucked Matt to death and humiliated him by pissing on his back as he died. He pissed on your back. You know, is this like, is this vivid in your fucking mind? Yeah, I was there. Yeah, exactly. OK, it's getting warm. Number 62. I set up once again in hell. This time, no creature came to greet me, but I knew my way back to the VIP castle party. I stood, and the pain from my Satan fuck still remained. I scooped some Satan's spunk out of my colon and slapped it on the ground. Then I started walking. Again, as I looked around, it was nothing but torture and screams. I kind of liked it. I made it back to the VIP castle and banged on the door. Paul Walker answered with a munted face. Yo, Matt Brown, Satan fucking nailed you yesterday, man. Holy shit. Not as bad as that car X that it nailed you, though, Paul. I pushed the cunt aside and walked in. Again, loud Aussie hip hop filled the air and people were pining in the middle. I looked to my left. Yeah! Mattie ran. I watched Julian sucking off Kobe Bryant with four heroin needles protruding from his arm. Steve Irwin was circling Amy Winehouse, who was desperately trying to suck some spilt vodka off the ground. Steve Irwin was quickly undoing his belt, staring straight at Amy's asshole. You all right, mate? You all right? There was alcohol, drugs, and sex as far as the eye could see. I walk up to the bar. What do you recommend? I asked the creature bartender. He slides me a plate with a heroin needle, 10 lines of coke, five different types of painkiller tablets, a bottle of vodka, five acid tabs, and a meth filled pipe on it. I look at the creature and he nods. Do it all together. You can't OD in hell. I pause momentarily. Fuck it. It is hell after all. I consume the whole plate of drugs and alcohol, except for the meth. I'd only ever do meth if someone gave me $1,000 for it. The mix of the drugs completely alters my state of mind. I'm relaxed and euphoric all at once. Within minutes, I'm completely impaired. I turn back to the party and decide to join in. I storm into the middle and see a beautiful lady shed flowing black hair and stunningly pretty face. I groped her tits and pissed on her legs and moved on to the next. Two human creatures with horse heads were dancing together. I eagerly groped in between their legs and showed them my dick. My little brown was painfully hard and pre-mince was fizzing from its end. The two horse humans look at each other confused. I bang their fucking heads together and start fucking any holes I can find in their bodies. I squish their skin together on their backs and ram my dick in between the folds. I fucked, a fucked-looking eagle thing flies over me and I shoot my arm up and grab its leg. It lifts me away from the horse humans and mid-air I start tearing its feathers out and stuffing them up my ass. The fucked eagle thing started flying out of control. I firmly maneuver my fizzing cock into the eagle's ass as it slams against a wall. The wall slam drives my fleshy fuck stick so deep into the eagle that I feel its ass tear wide open. We crash to the ground hard. I fuck down at the eagle thing for a bit and then turn back to the crowd. My vision is blurry from the heroin coursing through my veins but I see a crumpled up heap of something on the ground. I drop to my knees and stab at it with my dick. I don't even know what it is but I managed to find some sort of hole in this thing and start fucking that too. Suddenly I hear screaming from across the room. I shit myself and pull my little brown-avel out of whatever the fuck that is. Then I see him. Satan has made his way into the room and he was fucking all the VIPs to death. I see Michael Jackson attempting to moonwalk away from Satan but Satan appears behind Michael Jackson and with a huge backswing slings his thumbs straight up Michael Jackson's ass. Oh, hey! Michael Jackson drops to his hands and knees and lets Satan drill him into the ground pounding harder and harder until Michael Jackson was just a pool of mashed body. Then Satan turns and sees me. I'm still so fucked I can barely process what's happening. Just let him fuck you, my friend. It's over. The quickest way is that way. I slowly turn and see that Hitler was standing next to me. Tomorrow, when you're back, come and find me. We can work together to find a play out of him. I lean in and kiss Hitler. The kiss was so perfect. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Just the right amount of tongue and just a little bit of lip-sucking. Hitler pulls away. See you soon, my friend. Hitler sprints away and now Satan is standing in front of me. My little brown is so erect that the skin on my shaft is beginning to burst like an overcooked Frankfurt. Nice to see you've joined in today. I saw you have a few of the creatures who live here. Very impressive. I can barely understand him because of the cocktail of drugs I'm on. Why don't you get fucked, Lucifer? And then I spat in Satan's face. A smile crept onto his face. Then bang! His hand shot out and grabbed my neck. He lifted me in the air so that we were eye level. Then lowered me onto his massively dick. His massive, his absolutely massive dick. It tore open my arse and I screamed in agony. I didn't dare break eye contact, though. I stared straight into his black, soulless eyes as his grip around my neck tightened and as his hip thrusting became violent. He fucked my dangling body as he held it in place and I could feel him mixing my internal organs with his cock. Then he slammed me onto the ground and got on top. Powerful, long fucks plowed into my arse all the while Satan continued to choke me. I was blacking out when I felt it. Satan began coming. I still maintained eye contact and could see his face contort with pleasure. And then I felt his ejaculate pouring into my anal cavity. It burst through my intestinal walls and started filling my guts. Hot, foamy ejaculate then works its way up into my lungs and started gushing on my throat. I began power vomiting Satan's creamy cum back into Satan's mouth. He willingly swallowed it from Satan's dick into me and out of my mouth, then back into Satan's mouth. This was the freakiest shit I'd ever done. Then moments later I was dead again. I woke up where I started my journey once again. Fuck! No partying this time. I need to stay focused. Oh, oh yes. Bravo, bravo. Oh my God. Man, that is some of the best shit I've ever heard. Disgusting. Holy fuck, I love the little pile of whatever he didn't know what it was. He just fucked it anyway. He just fucked a pile of weird shit. And you made out with Hitler passionately and he's a good kisser. Oh my God, that was fucking good. Oh, I feel better now. I feel better. Thank you. That's crazy. Man, I didn't think you'd get out first time. Like it's gonna take some time to get out of hell. There's a few stories down there. Yeah. What do you mean? How do you ever get out of hell? I don't, I can't see a way out of this. Well, she did. Look, I know, but like, I don't know. It just seems like you're saying this. It's just confusing. Maybe this is hell. Oh, who knows? You just have to wait. You fucked, oh man. The eagle? Oh, there's always a way. You always love eagles. Oh, and Julian sucked off Kobe Bryant? Yeah. I think I remember him telling me about that once. I thought he was lying, but... They had a game of one on one. Kobe won. Oh, fuck. That was so, that was pleasurable. Thank you. Anyway, everyone, sorry about that. Moving right along. Look, let's cut to the chase. Let's do the line to lock your segment. Holy shit, I can't wait any further. We have recruited the big guns this week, all right? Step this one, yeah. We've reached out to his dad, and he's finally gone back to us. So this is the lie. Locky's dad's name is Matt, okay? Good name. He's a fucking legend. He's a good guy. We've partied. Michael, yeah. I've made out with him. Yeah, Michael and him get along like a house on fire. It's fucking crazy. You should imagine if you became Locky's stepdad. I can't really do that anymore. It's true. But anyway, the lie is Locky's dad is going to call Locky and he's gonna say that he's been audited and that he needs to borrow some money. It's a big lie, okay? This is risky. It's a Hail Mary. Michael wanted to go with this one. Look, I thought- I wanted to say that he died. Or like he's dying from something we already got. Look, we've reigned it in a little bit. So now he's just gonna ask for money. But just to let you guys know, this is risky. This could crash and burn. He could know straight away. But if this succeeds, it'd be the best lie ever. And it also tests if Locky is an honorable good son. Cause like- I think regardless of how he answers, he is an honorable good son. Okay, it doesn't test that, but I like to think that. It looks- No, fuck it, it does. Whatever Locky says here, this is the true Locky. If we get him. So it's like, hopefully the lie will lead to Matt, Locky's dad asking Locky, can I have some money for my tax bill? And Locky's like, no, man. And we can see how him being a bad son. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do if he says, Dad, I know your line. It's Marty, Michael, where are you? We're just laughing. Then yeah, I guess he's got us. And that's the- No, fuck that sucks. That sucks a lot. Look, look, I just thought of it. I just thought of it. I don't, we cannot be bamboozled tonight. All right? If that happens, right? We're gonna call Jackson. And we're gonna get Jackson to call him and be like, oh, hey dude, can you come around tomorrow at 12? I just wanna film something. Bang, lie, fuck you, Locky, done. Yeah, yeah. That's what's gonna happen if we get caught. I reckon he, no, Locky will know we're lying. This is too big. So that is a good cover up. So this is basically the decoy for Jackson's dad. No, this is the Hail Mary, but if this fails, we do have a plan B. Yeah. Okay, that's exciting. I'm excited. I'm kind of nervous, eh? You sent me Mattie's number? Yeah. All right, here we go. I have to check if Matt knows how to... Yeah, we've, Matt, we've been planning this for days. For days. I'm so excited. Well, hey, Mattie, it's Marty and Michael here and Matt as well. And you're on the fucking fully actual podcast, mate. Hey, you bloody traveling. Fucking fantastic, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sounds like Locky too. Yeah, dude, look, Mattie, we are fucking so excited for this one. All right, so, all right, let's try the call now. If he doesn't answer, look, he doesn't answer. If he doesn't answer, oh, fuck, we didn't go over that if he doesn't answer, eh? Then we fucking bring him, don't worry, he'll answer. All right, all right, sweet. All right, all right, Mattie, we're gonna stay on the line. Yeah, you do your thing and we'll come in once, if we get Locky, Hawkline and Sinka will come in. Good luck, dude, we fucking love you. Thank you so much for attempting this for us. All right, here we go. All right, here we go. I'm like genuinely nervous, eh? Hey, what's that? I was hoping payment, payment, payment for my client. Yeah, fucking, like, it's $50 fucking $4,000, man, I need to fucking, I tried to ask you, but fucking, sorry, man. Huh? Nothing's happened to us, there's no stress. You fucking stress the man, fucking like, I've got nothing now and I'm gonna pay you back and fucking gonna lose that unit and, you know. That's fine, no, huh? Oh, trust us money. What else was in there for the day, or what? You sure? I saw it laying in it the next week, that's fucking like, that too. Yeah, yeah, I'll do it some more. Man, that's fucking, that'd be awesome, we can do that, you know, that happy-out fucking heaps, so much. Yeah, that's trust at all. Yeah. Well, guess what, Locky? You've been lied to, you idiot! You fucking idiot! You died as an initial money, you fucking idiot! You need a fucking retard. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Well, Audrey, this is what... Oh, what the fuck! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha! That is fucking crazy. Oh, my God! Oh, oh, Maddie, you fucking nailed a mate, holy shit, well done Bailey, and well done everyone, except for Locky! You got lied to! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, my God. What the fuck, you little... How much were you gonna send? How much were you gonna send then, Locky? A hundred, a hundred. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Only mountain of the morning. Oh, that is... Oh, you got Gottfried, you got Gottfried. He's a fucking good son, everything, everything is just genuinely, he's just such a good help, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, no stress. How much do you need? Gottfried, Gottfried. By Gottfried, yeah, by Gottfried. You got fucking done, you got fucking done, brother. That's fine. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, we got him again, oh, well done everyone. Oh, my dad would never. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! We had to pull out the big guns this week, we had to get your dad on board, look, I don't know what we're gonna do next week, but fuck man, we're running out of people. That's very good. Very good, very good. I don't think I'm getting more friends. Don't trust anyone, any time ever, Lucky, it could be a lie, all right? Oh, mate. Your life is a lie, Lachlan. You'll be in therapy soon. You might not even be Lachlan. Anyway, that's all I'm gonna say. Anyway, sorry for wasting your time again and we'll chat to you soon, we'll see you on Friday anyway. Yeah, I'll see you next time, yeah, see you Friday. Oh, well done, well done everyone. Oh, my cactus. Yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Still wants his cactus. Yeah, we'll get that to you eventually. We'll bring it to you, dude, I'll bring you, I'll bring it. Yeah, it's very good. All right, guys, have a good night. Thanks, everyone for helping. Thank you, Matt, you fucking saved the day. Matt, you're a fucking legend. All right, guys, see you later, right? BONG BREAK! What? What's happened, man? What's happened? Sit down! Everyone, everyone sit down! The fuck are you talking about, Matt? Sit down! Oh shit, Matt Brownie! Strolling the man's gay products around in a fit of rage! Alright, we're back, everyone, by the way. Matt just tried to go up for a piss during that bong break. But, um, Bachelor Brown is about to commence. Bachelor Brown is about to commence. Bachelor Brown is about to commence. Now, Matt, just remember that we love you, and we do all this because we want the best for you, alright? Alright, Michael's coming in, sit down, Michael. Matt's got a hankering, he's got a suspicion. I already fucking know, just bring her in. What? What do you think is happening, Matt? I know! I know what you've done! What have we done? Yeah, I can just read you guys! What have we done? Bachelor Brown is a segment, by the way, for those who- AHHHHH! He's in the building! BOLFED! From phone dates, to real dates, Matt Brown! He's coming here! OOOOOOOOH! Ollie, he's coming! He's coming! Come on in, Ollie, get your little cuddle! Oh, look who it is, Mattie! Look who it is! Oh! You're not pushing her away like you wear that male stripper, are you? Yeah, yeah, you're much happier with this, aren't you? You're much happier with this. Bachelor Brown is a segment where we try and find Matt Brown a future partner, because he sucks at it. He's like 40 years old, doesn't matter where to go to find females. So we've taken it upon ourselves to do it. And Isla is one of our favourites, because she's an absolute legend. Isla, thank you for coming. Matt, are you going to thank Isla for coming? Yep. Now, now, since we've done this... You guys can't be trusted. Look, since we've done this, all right, I think that we should, like, we should all step out of the room and let them have a genuine few minutes. Let them have a genuine few minutes just just to chat. See what happens. Just to feel warm, warm. All right, so we're going to go. Am I red? I can already feel I'm going red. Hey, Matt, before we go, Matt, Matt, hey, Matt, you remember, you know what to do, OK? Stay confident, project yourself. You're a confident, successful man, OK? Despite of how your life is, you're a confident, successful man. Right, you can do this. This is your moment. This is it. Remember the conversations. I fucking hate you guys so much. Ask about them, ask about them, learn about their interests, et cetera. We've talked about this, coach. Yeah, don't, Matt, do not. You fucking keep your hands to yourself. You got all this got headphones. All right, we're going to step out for a minute. See how it goes. Matt, good luck, dude. Dude, I'm so excited. We'll see. We'll see what happens. Are you actually leaving me? Just really like a little. Oh, I'm so scared. Are you actually leaving me? I don't know what to talk about. Yeah, this is going to be so awkward. I've no one to watch it. Matt, you can do it. You go good at it. Wait, wait, I'm looking at my beat. All right. I feel like this is going to be even worse than a phone call. Don't show it to your dick yet. I'm glad I dressed up today. Usually I just look really nice. Yeah, thank you. You look better than me, though. Oh, this is so. What are you doing here? Look, it was a long drive. It took me two hours. Yeah, I bet it did. So, yeah, getting paid by the minute, though. Fuck. How was your day? My day was good. What did you do? I did some work, actually. You did. You filmed today, I think, didn't you? I saw something about that. Yeah. How exciting. Well, how was your day, Matt? Oh, it was horrible. I had to work. So at my normal job. What's your normal job? I was busy. Stop. This is partly your fault. I know. This is, like, kind of all your fault. You could have just said no. Remember when I said, would you actually come on? And you're like, good money. You paid her to come on. You paid her to come on. That's even worse. She's a busy girl and time is money. Time is money. And it's a long drive. She refused that brown. She refused. Fuck it, Gravador. Try and have a side. Go for the throat, Brown. Did you like my chair? Yeah, I do. Yeah, you're positive. It's an ergonomics chair. Hostage is getting better? Yeah. Yeah, that's good. I even find at work, I'm straight, just sitting in a normal chair. Look, we'll sneak in. We'll sneak in. So, how was it? That microphone's on, Michael. Is Matt a ball of charisma and excitement? He's a crisis, isn't he? I am. That's all red and shit. What does that mean? It means that you're born on a certain date and that date is crisis. All right. Now, look, Ayla, there's, you know, the podcast listeners have been contacting you, haven't they? And everyone's really keen. Look, when Matt, because Matt off camera and this really, truly happened, Matt off camera was like talking about you a lot and he was saying, you know, all these good things about you genuinely truly was. And we were thinking like that you are like the perfect, you're the fucking perfect person for Matt. So, I know you live at the Gold Coast and Matt lives in Brisbane, but if Michael and I pay for the dinner at the restaurant of your choice, we'll pay for travel there and back, your Uber from the Gold Coast to Brisbane and back will pay for everything. You can have cocktails, you can get loaded as fuck. Just a dinner on us. We'll get you a bag. If you want, if you want a dinner on us. You guys are disgusting. Would you consider doing it? I know Matt's coming, he's trying to be like all like, oh, I'm not that interested. But trust me, he's very, very interested. He wanks a lot. To my own defense. I wouldn't, I would 100% say half the bottle he's accumulated is all because of your image. That's a compliment. I think I want to go home. Can you label the bottle I look home? Yes. Yes. Yes, we will. Yeah, just I will. I'll just call it I'll. So I'll, you know, if we're, we'll stay into contact with you, obviously. Would you, would you, is that something you're at least? You don't have to say yes or no right now. Is that something you're open to? Sure. Okay, well there we go. Now Matt, I'll throw the same question. You know, would you like to have an all expenses dinner, really fancy dinner on us with a really beautiful girl, Eila? Well, yes or no? You don't give me much choice, do you? Well, no, you got plenty of choice. The choice is a yes or no? Yes. Ah! Ah! Wiking cunt! It is wiking cunt! Oh my God, we found it. We found you the reason to live. And look, we're not saying you guys have to get married. Let's just go and have some fun, you two. Like we love both of you. Just go and have a fun night out. Stop, stop, there's no way you're gonna let us go out without having some fuckery in the background. No, you have a gentleman's agreement. A gentleman's agreement. I want nothing but the best for you. Look, I'm shaking Michael's hand. Shaking Michael's hand. You've even premeditated this. If you see us at your date, you can leave. Oh, honestly, I will do something drastic if you see me. That's exactly what I mean. Yeah, not to you, to myself. Like, I will self-harm. Oh! So that, there you go. Is that what you want, Matt? I just got a message from you. There you go. So that means they're going on a date and if you see me, cut my upper thigh. All right, Ayla, thank you so much for coming. Honestly, on such short notice, busy, busy girl and we've been trying to get her on for weeks. I can't believe you came on. Okay, this is called, this part of the podcast is called seeing if you really are a match. And it's, I say something, you say word, you say word and we see how similar that is. I say a sentence. Okay, ready? Okay. All right. Orphans do not belong in orphanages. Wait, what? Orphans don't belong in orphanages? No, orphans do not belong in orphanages. They're not below. That doesn't make any sense. First word that comes to your head after my sentence. That was pretty similar. What? That doesn't make sense. Both confusion. That is such a similar thing. You're not here. So we have confusion now. Now you do one, Marty. Okay, all right. A sentence. Okay, first thing that comes to your mind. Depression. Yeah. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Holy shit. One plus one. Three. Hey. One plus one. Two. Two and three is the same. That's so close. It's so close. And of all of the numbers in the world, there's only one number apart. The same. You don't want to always, you want to have a little bit of clashing like that. You want to have a little bit of clashing. Okay, I'll go one more. That's good. And I'm kind of angry at you more than them right now. Don't hit her, Matt. No. Come on, not yet. Say that for the second time. Oh! I'm trying to think of another sentence. Okay, let's go with Pictionaries or OK, but look, I'm more of a monopoly guy. Yeah. Oh, my God. At the same time. At the same time. Holy shit. I reckon, no, no, no. I'm going to say it's fair to say, you guys, it's the relationship started. Well, that's just like, that's just for you guys. So you can take that information there with what you want, but you guys clearly have a lot in common. All your and maybe you're together. Officially, exclusively. You're going to put my initials in your bio. Oh, my Instagram bio. ID. Yeah, it's not ID. It's not ID. I fucked that up. I owe. That's right. See, it's just, I know I stuffed it, but it's easy. All right. So Ayla, since we got you here, how have you been? You've been all right. What's, what's it like being Jackson's brother, by the way? Is that good or bad? It's really good being his brother. Is it what's the best thing and what's the worst thing about it? Oh, I can't put me on the spot like this. OK, yeah, you're right. We didn't give you any. OK, the best thing. Yes, we can. We can put you on the spot just like you put me on the spot. What are you talking about? You saw it before you came in sort of. You handled that this whole day. Quite poorly. You were putting it all in there. OK, I thought you were far better prepared than that. OK, it was very awkward to watch and we had to intervene. I told you it was going to be awkward. I just thought after being fucked around last week, I thought I'd have a week off. It's sort of nice. You went from Dom, who is hot to Isla, who's hotter. So look, it's a girl. You've got a girl now. It's definitely the best surprise I've had. Yeah, I see. Every now and then he softens and that's when you're like, oh, that's why I do what I do. But how's your life been Isla? So what are you doing there? You're doing mostly only fans? Yeah, that's my only. Isla's only fans. Well, it is Isla O'Doherty. Isla O'Doherty. OK, we'll put it. Dot com dot com. All right, we'll put it in the description if you want to see Isla. Advertise. If you want to see Isla's boobs and bum, go to Isla's only fans. Matt's done it. Highly recommends it. Sexy mehexy. He's filled half of your own bottles. He's filled half of the Isla cum bottle with it. And send me picks. Oh, wow. And you're still living in the in the mansion. Jackson's in Jackson's first house. Yeah. Oh, in the mansion. You're in the mansion right now. Yeah, he's that's gone soon, though, right? Yeah, another four weeks. And then what? Where are you going to go then? Europe with my new husband, Matt. Oh, wow. You're going to Europe. And then she's going to move into the mighty and Michael there's an invitation. Yeah, have you heard? We literally just got we haven't bought a house. We rented a house, but it's awesome. It's like a good, nice house. And the only the only person who's living there will be Brown. Literally, we've got we're going to go there nine to five to like work, but Matt will be living there full time. So if you ever want to stay there, you have our blessing to stay there as long as you want for as literally as long as you want. Do you want a bedroom to stay in for free? Perfect. All right, done. Five bedrooms we can christen. All right, done. Oh, Brown's getting all horny. He's getting friskified. He's getting all creamy and pink steam bubbling in his nuts. What were you? Why would you come? I know. It must have been the worst. Were you driving up and be like, what the fuck am I doing? In traffic. Thank you so much. It must have been very nerve wracking. You don't know what you're coming into. There's we're very unpredictable. All you know about me is a black book and it's not good. Yeah, it's yeah. I think thank you so much. Let's just see if there's a spark. When you guys touch, don't you dare touch fingertips? Yeah, I agree. And look, Michael and I'll do it like there we go. Oh, what did that feel like? Smooth skin. Oh, you've imprinted on that now. We are you've imprinted on that now and now you will be hunted for the rest of your days. Oh, thank you so much for coming on. Honestly, I'm sorry. Yeah, thanks for driving all the way up for this. So you've honestly, I guarantee you our podcast fans will really appreciate it. Thank you to everyone who's been messaging Eila. Yeah, you've got some good fans. I really like you guys. And because you're such good fans, go and support Eila. Follow her on Instagram and social media. And if you feel like, but don't try and get sliding, don't steal Matt's bread. This is Matt's bread. Let's clap that. Let's clap that chat. Yeah, imagine if you were dressed in one of your fuckwit costumes. Can't we just say goodbye to Eila? And like, yeah, like she she's such a legend. Fucking such a legend. And we love you, Eila. Yeah. And we spoke, we legit spoke about the date out there. Guys, we think it's going to happen. We the fanciest restaurant you want, Matt. I'm not into like high and fancy. Like, yeah, I understand. I love you. You may as well like the option to limitless is what we're saying. Like, you know how we went to to Greg's restaurant? Greg. Yeah, like, not the one, not the one here. The one at, at South West End. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's nice. Dude, yeah, whatever you want. Like, you can go to a really like Italian. You can't go wrong with Italian. Of course, even fine dining Italian is like familiar flavours. So there's stress. You don't need to go to some random ass fuckhole. With Greek there, I'd feel comfortable. With like fucking $10,000 for a fucking little egg or some shit. Do you want me and Marty to come? No. What do you mean? No. Look, how much would, oh, man. No, look, we won't, we won't, we won't be there. Let's not put pressure on it. We won't be there. But guys, the bachelor brown, it's like Eila is clearly the front runner here. It could be the way out of bachelor brown. And also next week, we're going to, we need a top five, Matt. We need a top five because. No, I'm going to date Eila. And yeah, that's fine. That's fine. But we want Eila at the top, obviously. And then the four underneath her because we need to know where everyone needs to know where they're at. And we need to contact. We do need to contact the top three regardless if you're engaged or even married. Definitely God, even married, even married. Oh, we decided it doesn't matter. We're still going to get the other two girls on. They have to live with you guys. They have to live with you guys. What's going to happen? I've definitely got, I've definitely got top two. One's Eila and one is, I can't say her real name. But she came on, she came on as Jess. All right, well, look, OK, look, yeah. This is good. What about Dom? Yeah, maybe. No, what about Jasmine? Surely Jasmine, you fucking want to date with her. Yeah, Jasmine could be in there as well. Jasmine's top five. So let's move on. But what I'm saying is. You're confusing people with top fives and top three. No, we invite the top three on to the finale. The top five, I just want to know so that we can, we know like who is in the scope. So you've got to back up if in case one drops out. Well, that too, yeah, that too. So we're next week. We're not getting them on. Next week we'll work at the top five from this game. And Eila and Matt will be going on a date and Eila has been invited to live in the house that we have just found. Holy shit, that's right. So, you know, she might want to film some OnlyFence content with the Brown. So keep an eye out. If you want to see the Brown go to town. Oh, if you want to see. That could be your. That could be your OnlyFence. Tom and I have a sling in his cock up things, can't. Brown's town, you call it. Eila doesn't do hardcore OnlyFence. Anyway, let's move along. Look, it's getting quite late. We still have a lot to get through. You're at an hour and 23 minutes on the clock. All right, guys. So without further ado, everyone's been asking for emails. The top comment last week, when are we going to have James on? James is a lifelong best friend turned working for Marty and Michael at the beginning of this year. And everyone's been fucking loving him. He's the hottest fucking guy in the group. He's got. Times 10, cunt. He's fucking. We finally have like seven female fans. Take your shirt off. And James. Show us the bicep. Mr. James on the podcast. Fucking finally, cunt. All right, James. Oh my goodness, it sounds funny. I know, it's nice. It's different, isn't it? Yeah, very. All right, James, now, fuck, how long have we known you for? Since like we were in high school at that party that we met, right? We've known each other longer than these two just. Oh, I think you met them at the same maybe just before you met me. Well, Brown and I were blockbuster buddies. I think I was 17 and you were 16. Really? Do you remember the moment? It was pretty nice. I remember the moment. Let's all right. So we went to we went to high school. No, I'm too high. We went to we went to high school with with James's ex-girlfriend. All right. So she was in Michael's year, right? And we were pretty good friends with her. And she's a legend. She is. We went to a party and the James's ex-girlfriend was there with James. We hadn't met James yet. And then what happened? James in what what how the fuck did we get to know you? This is kind of a fucked up story. Really? It's not too bad. It's worse. Yeah. But the the people who are annoyed at us, do you remember why? Oh, that's oh, I know. I know. Can we talk about that? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The full actual podcast. That's it's fine. We do we were children goes back to our stories of how we were really destructive. And we don't we don't condone or endorse any of this behavior, but we were fucking children. Oh, we're thinking of different things. who thought the dark humor was like the funniest shit in the world. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. Yeah. So I remember doing that awkward thing at a party where you sort of walk around and just sort of associate with the people you know, sort of glanced over at this dark little patch of because it was like in a huge open backyard and there was just two guys standing there next to each other, abnormally both quite tall and their pants around their ankles. That's right. Yeah. I just remember thinking. Every party we go to for a while, we go to the darkest corner and pull our pants down and just whenever anyone sort of wandered over to us, I would have noticed that our pants were down and then very weird. And you're always saying to each other before we went to parties, let's try and lose some friends tonight. That might help explain the interaction we had with James. That didn't work. It gained you. It gained you a lifelong friend. Yeah, but then it was just love, love at first sight. So we just, then we sort of just, I realize you sort of had a similar sort of sense of humor to mine, but more advanced in the sickness. I think we weren't as caught up. You were more evolved than us and we thought everything dark humor was funny. So what happened was there was a big party and you got to choose whatever music was on. So we played this Coldplay song. It's a very sad song and these guys came up to us. Mike, we kept putting it on over and over and over. I really liked the song after he found out. He continued to put it on. I actually genuinely liked the song. It is a very good Coldplay song. And it's sad. And these guys were like, to be fair, they were very rude without us even knowing why they didn't want us to play the song. They were like abnormally rude, like, don't fucking play that. Just came up out of nowhere, abusing us. It's sort of like if you get told not to do something, you sort of have to do it. Oh yeah. And then it was that sort of thing. So we didn't explain it first off, but it was too far aggressive to not play it again. Every chance we got put the song on. Well, it took the second time for things to escalate. Then they came over and say, we find out why they don't want us to play the song. It's because their friend has died and that's the song that they were playing at the funeral. Is that what it was? I thought it was their favorite song. And then that's actually, no, it might have been actually, you're right. You seem like such a nice guy right now, Michael. You were the instigator. Yeah, yeah, but like, probably sounds worse. No, it probably sounds much worse if they played it at the funeral. I think you're right. I think they said he liked that song. So it's like you've come up too aggressive at the beginning. And then he also said, oh, yeah, like, don't ever do this again. So, yeah, look, we played it. We played it all throughout the night. You get, it's like a carrot in front of your face. Yeah. And it was very entertaining for James. And that is where we, it was through our sense of humor that we sparked the relation. And James laughed and giggled at that. So we couldn't not keep playing it. Making our new friend laughy. It was very funny for him. I just had an epiphany. I've just realized that so many of my close friends, the relationship starts with a huge, a connection in sense of humor. For you, it was the dumb shit you do at tennis with Henry. I remember Henry was getting yelled at by a teacher and I'd never met Henry. And I was standing behind the teacher. I started making faces at him and Henry started laughing. And then we both got kicked out. And that's why, and with Matt, it was, oh, I'm hiding in the fucking boot of a car. No, you came up to me and you were in front of the 7-Eleven. I was just about to say oh, hey, I'm Marty. Watch this. And went straight in the 7-Eleven and started busting chip packets. So immediately it is a sense of humor that brings us together. Do you understand? It's like, I guess a bit dark at the time. Yeah. In the spontaneity of ridiculous things. Yeah. Yeah. That many other people were hurt by our act. But we established some really lifelong connections through it. So no ragretts, zero. Yeah. Well, I guess, and you learn too. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. We've learned now. We wouldn't do that again. But anyway, wouldn't we? No. There's one major, maybe if they came up billion. No, I guess. No, no, no. They would really carony. 100% we'd do that again. Yeah. We probably do. I think we probably do something else. I think we do something else to upset them. We wouldn't play that song. So there's one major fact with James, the fully actual podcast would not exist with the three of us if it wasn't for James. He didn't invite me. Yeah. If you didn't invite me out to see a band that night, I would never explain that. Explain James and Matt. Explain how you guys met. Yeah. Well, my mum knew you before I knew you. She was, she's like this big personality would just come into the video shop and make friends with everyone. And she loved brown because he had a sense of humor. He was floating with her. Very attractive. 100% And I can see. She was. And the funny thing was when she came with you the first time, the first time I ever saw you, I thought, oh, she's got a young boyfriend. That was the first thought that went through my head. But then I realized when you came to the counter, you both sounded like loud and the same. And I was like, oh, hang on. I think it's their brother and sister. But mum gave Matt, because she found out he was going on a trip to Mexico. She took a hat from me without my permission and gave it to him to take an Australian hat so he could represent Australia and Mexico. First weird thing to do, mum. Second, don't take my shit and give it to my future best friend that I don't even know yet. She linked it. She knew. She fucking knew. Kaz has switched on. I actually spoke to you on the phone before I actually. Cause I got a job, right? Yeah. You got the job at the video shop and I walked in. I remember the first, like our first ship, you looked at me like, do you want to play a game? I went, what do you want to do? And I was like, you know, like we've got to, each time someone comes in the shop, you've got to address them differently. Oh, great game. So you can say, hey, hello. And then after a while, the normal ones are all done and you've got to go with something to get weird. You have to use like a name for them. Like you obviously use, get a mate, like they're gone. Can't use it again. By the end, you're like saying, oh, champion. You go through animals like, oh legend. Welcome. Now speaking of when we were younger and now James was, look, Michael and I, oh man, this is such a good story. And it's so funny because now it's like, it's literally sort of become into existence. Michael looks back in the day, we used to look a lot like the Leasinger from a band called Gyroscope. They're not like massive, but they're like, they're a big Australian band at the time. And so if you heard the name Gyroscope, when you went out, you'd be like, you'd know the name, but you wouldn't know what they looked like. It's like a band on that level. Right. So we'd go out, Michael, and I'd pretend to be the fucking bass player because I knew nothing about music. And James would pretend to be our manager and fuck me. It worked so well. Your free night at the casino. We were like 20 years old. And you had that car, remember that fucking car? The Chevy. Yeah. Beautiful, like old American car that does not suit me. It stands out. So you drive around in that and then you see us get out and you're like, oh yeah, we're a band and James is the manager. Everything sort of fit. And Henry was living in the fucking penthouse at Aurora at the time. It was so easy. We tell people, oh yeah, we live at the penthouse. Like everything just fitted into that narrative. It was perfect. Do you remember the Swedish girl? Yes. Yeah, dude, that whole night was perfect. We went to the casino, everyone thought we legit thought we were fucking famous. We like, oh, I'll go buy this round. Even though we had no money in our wallets, never on the no, no, no, no, no, no, I will get this round. Seriously. That's why that dude cowered away from us. He tripped over us. He's like, no, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for pumping into you. I will buy the rest and like the rest of your beer. Oh, that was ridiculous. And now isn't it funny? Fucking like 10 years later over 10 years later, now it's sort of starting to play out in reality, except minus the, minus the fucking drugs and alcohol. We're drinking a wine now. I need to get the Chevy back. Yeah. The high 30 doesn't cut it. Little Hyundai. Yeah, I managed Marty and Michael. No, you didn't come. It's sort of on brand though. Now you do. There's always one story, Michael and I love that James told us from back when he was a child. So again, oh, and this is obviously anyway, I'll let him explain the story. I've got it. I've got it. I've got to be to James. Is it the one I'm thinking of that your mother doesn't know? And are you afraid to tell it? It's time. I think it's time that she knows. If she watches this story, I've ever heard the best way to find out. Okay. Well, I was a pest when I was little. So just ridiculous amounts of energy. So my parents used to like work out different camps that they could send me to on the longest school holiday. Just get rid of James. So they're going to be a tennis camp and I sucked at tennis. It'd be like a drama camp. Love that shit. But like the one they sent me to was a horse camp. Like you go and learn how to ride horses. How to kill horses. And there's this one kid there, the exact same kid as me. Like his parents wanted to get rid of him. He was a bit of a mischief maker. We just fell in love. Do you remember his first name? I don't. I remember exactly what he looked like. Like little scrawny kid with black curly hair. I imagine if it was me. But yeah, we decided one night we had this class up the top like milking cows and it was on the top of this huge cliff and we're sort of like looking at this cliff and sort of bored by the class by then and we saw this like monstrous boulder. It was big. It was probably like twice the size of the podcast table. And we were like, we could get that off that cliff. If we worked hard at this, we could get it off the cliff. So we're like, he woke up in the middle of the night and like woke me up and we were just like, let's fucking do this. So we went up the top of the cliff, got like chunks of wood and like wedged it under this boulder and we're like rolling and pushing at this boulder to try and get it over the cliff. And we got it like right there and we're like, just one more push with this and like you push all wedge and it's going over and surely it did. And there was just that beautiful like three seconds of silence as this boulder's falling, we're just waiting for the sound. But we didn't know that the cliff like sort of wasn't at this angle. It went like that at the bottom. Like a ramp. Yeah. So the sound was disappointing. It sort of just went boom. It's like rumbled. And we fucking realized that this boulder was quite round and it was rolling. There was a meadow of cows at the bottom of the cliff. And this boulder like wiped out a cow. It had no chance. Cows sleep standing. It would have been in a peaceful sleep. Oh my God, it's evaporated. It was like a rag doll. It just like flew off to the side so quick and like skidded along the ground and came to a halt and didn't move. And we were just frozen. We just like stood there and we're like, we're going back to bed. We don't talk about this ever again. So you knew about the cow. I thought you didn't find out till the day. No. They had a meeting the next day and they made us, they like sat everyone down. They were like, look, we're going to have to cancel this camp unless whoever did this because we left the wood at the top of the fucking cliff. They would have thought you did it on purpose to kill the cow. Oh God. I was lying in that fucking dairy cow. Oh my God. Man, we wiped that thing out. And then the meeting and then did you guys fess up? We did in the end and they gave us the choice. They were like, look, we know it was an accident because we explained ourselves to them. We weren't nasty kids. We sort of were polite and apologetic. And they're like, look, we've got to send you home. But we're going to give you the choice. We can tell your parents the truth or say that you're homesick. Oh my God. Your mum would have been like, oh, poor James. He's homesick. Oh, come here. We're coddling you and rewarding you. She was suspicious. There's no doubt. It was only like six hours before the end of the camp. It wasn't that far until the end of the camp. That is a traumatic experience. Man, kind of nice though. Kind of nice to watch. When they took you out of your bed, did they take you to the dead cow and line everyone up? It was at the top of the cliff. They sat us down at the top of the cliff. So you're all up there watching down at the dead cow. Can you imagine all the other kids just like looking at where the boulder was, this huge like divot in the ground all these sticks and just thinking, what the fuck is going on? What happened? Oh my God. It was terrifying. You should have fucking blamed someone else. Did you have guilt with me? Were you just amazing? When I killed the birds, I was like, that's why I had to sort of try and find like a way to save the last one. If I had to kill the cow, especially, oh. I think the fear overtook the guilt. I was so scared to get in trouble. Yeah. So anyway, James is completely throttled a cow. Yeah, Julian is an alpaca. So it's not that bad. Exactly. And you're a kid. Let's not forget about Matt fucking that baby whale on the beach. Before Pinocchio died. Yeah. So that's one of our stories. Well, one of that's James's like beautiful story. There's another story from our early beginnings. We'd go out a lot, you know, in our early 20s, we'd go out all the time. All of us boys, didn't we? We fucking had a great time. And sometimes we've been a big group of guys and we would get into brawls, like full hearted out brawls, usually started by no one other than fucking Michael. And we were talking about James coming on. We're like sometimes. What's another story we can talk about? And we thought about what's our favorite brawl that we've been in together? And the races brawl sprung to mind when we went to the races and that brawl. Man, that was a good brawl because we didn't, well, we didn't really instigate. They started the physical aspect. We kicked their ass, all of us, and they all got kicked out. So it was like the perfect three things just to just to be like, fucking, that was so good. That was so fun. So Michael, so what happened was we're with some girls as well. And what happened again? Why did you fucking arc up and fucking start spinning that bitch? I didn't spit at her once, but she slapped. And the reason was because she was hacking into our friend about her acne. Yeah. So this random girl was like, oh, that's fucked. You can't just do that. And it made our friend really sad. And Michael jumped to her defense and started abusing the other girl in return with her faults. Oh, no one is better. But you're outstanding at that back in the day. You can just pick anyone's fault. Because there's so much hate and you've got all the ego and pride when you're younger. It's like receiving airline, got it. It's lazy eye, got it. You just pick that in some way. But as soon as like, you know, if that happened now, I wouldn't react like that. But it made our friend hurt so bad. And we would loaded, hammered, fucked up drunk. And so Michael starts picking at this girl, this girl starts crying. She's slapping Michael. No, because she made our friend cry. Yeah, I know. Yeah. So she's slapping Michael hard. And Michael is just like, whatever, whatever. And she goes back to her group of guys that she's with and a group of guys like edge over. And then we have a bit of a tussle with them. There's a bit of pushing and a bit of this and a bit of that. And we go our separate ways, right? We go separate ways and the day goes on. We haven't seen a horse yet and we're fucking happy. And then we're talking to some other people later on in the day. And I see this group of dudes like looking at each other talking and edging closer and closer to Michael. And I remember walking back and saying to someone, I can't remember was this, get ready. This is about to be a physical brawl. They're like right behind Michael. They both look at him. They grab him and start trying to fucking punch. Do you remember that? They tackled you with the ground or something. It's all I have visions of the day still, but like it was so they all fucking swarmed Michael and we all just running and start picking them off one by one and just beating the sheet out of them. God, it was good. And then and then the fucking cops come all of a sudden. And then it's like they're the ones who are bashed, but they're getting kicked out. And it's because there were witnesses there that were like, yeah, no, no, they started it. They started it. And then we're like laughing and making fun of them as they got kicked out. It was such a good feeling. It's like such a fuck you for being fuckwits moment. Yeah. Do you remember my best punch in that in that fight? I like this guy was sort of like Johnny was in a bit of a scuffle with him. And he sort of broke loose from Johnny and came at me and I'm just like, just grit on my teeth and just swung with my right hand, completely missed him and just hit John right in the forehead. And I was so guilty. I remember looking at his face after the fight ended and he had like a serious chance. I told him mate, I was like, mate, I'm so sorry. That was me. Oh my God. Such a, we're with a perfect group of dudes to get into a fight with. Oh dude. Yeah, seriously. Messy, messy day, but fuck. Were you there, Brown? No, I wasn't there. Sad. He would have been having everyone. It would have been so good. He definitely would have fucked someone. Horses. All right. So, um, all right, James. I was like, questions. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I've got a couple of just, just one question really. Okay. So since working for us, Marty and Michael, best and worst thing about working for us, because it is a, look, it is a very strange job. It is. And like, I've come from teaching, teaching is a strange job. Like kids say weird stuff, but it's at least, but at least someone has done that before you, you know, to teach you the ways. But here it's like, yeah. I think the best thing is just like when, when we're like filming our, our stunt videos and you just land like just that, that, that odd one is sort of like a one in a hundred. There's just the cleanest shot on Michael and that true, the true panic sets in. And we get to just have that moment where we just, no offense, Michael, we're just laughing at you. It feels like old times. Like, you know, when you fall asleep and we just have the best time bullying. It's just like that, that. Michael's, it sucks. And even Michael, I think is quite after the pain is gone off. Michael, Michael, Michael's agony brings such joy to millions of people. It's true. When you see me filming that moment where I turn to Marty and I'm filming him and we're both laughing, that's the best part. And there's so many good things. But that is, that is just, it's such a pure moment. I'm sorry, Michael, that you're in a bad time during that. I'm glad that my pain can bring that. That's why we do it is we wouldn't do it if it now. I can guarantee you we would not do any of the painful shit right now, unless it was helping. Well, not helping, but making changing the world. There is no doubt. Yeah. Making lots of people laugh. Well, we have fixed world hunger. We've fixed heaps of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And the results have been outstanding. What is the, what would you say is the worst thing about working for us so far? James. Oh, it's hard. It's hard to. What's that? Coles. Tolls. Oh, tolls. Yeah, tolls is gone. That's all right, though. I don't mind. I've got Mr. Ballan. He keeps me company on the drives. That's easy. Yeah, he does. But oh, it's hard to go past the Jackson, Julian date date. Just like, and it spans across, but it's smells like there is nothing on earth like the smell of like a mixture of piss, shit, vomit, and sirstraming. Even like, if you have not had that, it is, it's life changing. I'm not forgotten that day. And afterwards it was sort of like Julian fucked off and Jackson and Lockie were off. And then we all, all of us three just looked at each other and were like, okay, cool. We've got this house that's just covered in piss, shit, vomit, blood, thrown up wine, fucking everything disgusting under the sun. I'm wearing white shoes. Oh, it was all over me. So I had to shower. It was all over your face. And I love a clean. You know that, but that was a hard day. As soon as I have a memory of, as soon as opening like the sirstraming can, you just went straight away. It was the first time you smelled that. That was unbelievable. He just, he was like, what the fuck is that? You thought someone shat already. It reminds me of the first time we smelled it. Yeah, it's not the birth. Oh, it's so, it's so much worse than you'd expect. Dude, you have a strong nose. The first time, the first time you smell, I remember the first time we smelt it, I did get up and leave the table too. And that was what kind of different. It's different. It's, but it's like, it's like really bad egg. That's your way of saying good though, different. You like different. Michael would be swirling it into his nostrils here right now. Oh, wow, that works. James, yeah. James, did you just do one there? That's what, no, I didn't fart. Yeah, the swirling does work. It's scientific. He wouldn't be wasting his energy on something that doesn't work. James has been producing some good shit lately too. Fart wise. Sometimes it's one of the other shit things though for working for us surely some, because when we go out and film our social experiments or do dumb shit in public, because that's something that you just get used to over time. There's nothing you can do about it. It doesn't matter what your personality type is. If you're not exposed to and completely embarrassing yourself in public, in front of huge amounts of people knowing that it might be funny for people when they watch it on video later. But in that moment, everyone there thinks you're a fucking loser. A piece of shit. That's all I reckon. It's hard to turn off that cringe. And it's hard to, it's hard to prepare people for that. Like when we're like, oh, James, we're going to go do this now. And you, and James has to be standing there filming sometimes. Everyone looks at him like, oh, you're part of this. I try to just have a really professional look on my face to make it seem like, no, no, there's an art to this. Yeah. You, I think you've been at the worst one. The boxing, the boxing in the library. That was hard because that woman was like next to me while I'm filming the fight. And she's just like, stop filming. Stop filming, stop filming. I'm just ignoring her. Matt's gone. He started the fight. I blew, yeah, I blew the whistle. And then she came next to me and I was like, all right, I'll see you. Oh man. You got to be a certain, you got to be able to fucking, yeah, withstand that until you're used to it. But yeah, that is, because a lot of the shit comes across funny in videos, but when we're filming it, especially the public shit, it is fucking cringy as fuck. Yeah, I didn't think of that. But yeah, I like smells then that I love that though. I love the cringe shit. Michael fucking hates it. Oh man. Even today, what were we doing? No, there was a woman at an ATM in front of us. And I was like, oh, look at her. Look at her. And her hearing that, her hearing that, she wouldn't know, oh, they're talking about me. So I knew that. I knew I had that psychologically to fall back on. But Michael thinks she's going to turn around this second. Marty's going to keep talking to us. So Michael just turns his back to the situation. It's so funny because then straight away James comments or Michael's just like looking the other way right now. Then we all start laughing at the fact that I'm all fucking paranoid. Michael, that's honestly. But no, okay. Really fun times is when Marty just let's go in restaurants. Because you are, strap yourself in. I struggle for that. Head down. Everyone just looks at the table. Marty's adjusted his seating to just go. Loudest fart. But the worst part is when Marty's opposite you, you've got to see the people behind him. That's my favorite. That's my favorite. If you're directly opposite him, you're doomed. Yeah, yeah. But I honestly think embarrassing my friends is what has made me so comfortable in doing the public shit. Because I just, I focus on the reaction from you guys and not, not what's actually going on. And that makes no peace of mind for anything else. Yeah. Fucking. Oh man. That's the best. It was, yeah. Well, it's created some fucking laughs. Oh yeah. Oh come on. Some funny moments with you boys. Oath. All right. Look, we better move on. It's nearly fucking 9 p.m. Holy shit. But James, he's been an absolute treasure on the Marty and Michael team as everyone has seen. And he's, it's just so beautiful now that we get to work with one of our best friends. And it's just the fucking best. So if you want this life, go and fucking get out there, cunt. Get close with your mates. That's bang on. Fucking oath, brother. And now we love you, James. Love you too, boys. Thanks for coming on, dude. And thank you guys, the fan people. You're such legends. I was like, I know when there's a new person coming on the scene, it can be like, who the fuck's this? But everyone's been legends. Yeah, it does happen. And, and James has passed with flying colors, obviously, for obvious reasons. That's why he's here. Okay. I'll leave you guys to it. So, so. Sorry about that. Oh, it sounds so different. Like imagine that you're going to have kids with that girl. We just found you your wife. They'd be pretty hot kids because she's got just a good looking girl. You know, Odoity jeans, dude. Yeah, the Odoity jeans are, they're very, very good. You could have, Jackson would be the uncle of your children. That's pretty fucking cool to say. Imagine saying a little brown, little Greg will be Jackson's uncle. Or Jackson will be little Greg's uncle. You have to call your kid Greg, you know. Oh, Connie, you probably have to leave that in. That was pretty good. So I reckon. I reckon, yeah, Jackson's going to be the uncle of your fucking kid. Holy shit, we're back. And holy fuck, man. Holy shit, man. Fucking crazy, man. Oh, no, no, no, sorry. Look at Matt Brown. Like, what are you doing on there? Come on. Pretending like he's working. That screen is black. There's nothing on that screen. It's off. The laptop has been off for four hours. Look at his pose. Yeah, he's trying to be a catch. That's Spider-Man shit right now. Questions. All right, guys, it's time for comment of the week. And if Matt has lost it, we will have to pull one out of nowhere. Comment of the week is where we pick the best comment from last week's episode, right? We cut it out and we stick it on a fucking canvas. So you will be immortalized forever. We'll keep that for the rest of our lives. So if you want a comment staying in our lives forever, write a comment. And if we pick it, it will be not only that, you're in the running to win a thousand dollars. Goes on the board. Goes on the fucking board, which Matt hasn't done for about 10 weeks. The trust as it will go on the fucking board. It has to go on the board. I've got them all though. He's got them all. They're just not stuck on yet, all right? He can't find the glue. There's nowhere, no store in Brisbane sells blue tax. And the print is broken. And the print is broken. I'm in love with Ayla. I've been distracted. But he loves Ayla. Extra comment competition. Comment of the week. What is it this week, Browntown? Comment of the week went to Tim Karris. And his comment was Matt Brown, town, downtown, brown downtown. Down, wholesome. Sorry. And that's every word that we know. That's all of them. What are you saying? Other words right now? No, no, no. But like, they're sort of... Matt Brown, town, downtown. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, that's very good. Oh, very good. That is right. You are now in the running. You are now in the running for a thousand dollars because of that piece of art. It's good shit. That is some good shit. All right, let's quickly pump out some fucking questions. All right. So this is the question segment where we answer your questions that you've commented on the Marty and Michael Fully actual YouTube channel. And we answer the most liked questions first. So after you comment your question, have a scroll and like the questions that you also want us to answer. Do you understand that? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Good. Top question. Batchy. Sorry. Top comment went to Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Camerado, Camerado, depending where he's from. Question for the podcast. What's the angriest Matt Brown has been at a Marty and Michael? Or have you seen him? Or have you ever seen him that overboard angry before? I can't say. Like Matt angry, when Matt's angry, he hides it. He hides it. He'll give flashes that he's angry, but Matt does a very good job. In hiding his anger until the anger has subsided. And then he can come out and be himself again. So I'm pretty good to be around. Yeah. Yeah. You don't, Matt doesn't have the personality where he will show his rage. He might have a little and then he will, he will compose himself and then come back and be a cool, calm, collected Matt. So we've never driven him to the. It all depends if he's have. It feels like it would take a lot to drive him to be like, to show his rage. And I don't think that I want that. He's come a long way. I just don't recall ever being angry at you guys. Unless you haven't had. Just hit me. Just hit me in the leg. If Matt's haved, it's good. Oh, it's real good. Yeah. Very good. Then he's been fed. Matt hasn't haved. Hungry. It's fucked. Hungry man. It's real fucked. Searching for. So I'm just making sure I get the top ones. He's lashed out at us. I found this funny. No, I'm not going to say that. Matt has grasped. I haven't told you my, he one time pinned me down in the bathroom. I think you did tell me that, but you told me not to say anything. Matt hits. Next question is from Brendan Hinton. His question was, Marty and Michael, has there ever been a prank that's backfired really badly in public? Not really badly in public, but yeah, he's the pranks have backfired. He used to have times where I've been like, fuck, I've just like fucked myself. Sometimes the messes that I make. Oh, remember the, oh, the witches of the UQ? Oh yeah. Yeah. The, the, that, that thing is like. It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes our social experiments, if we accidentally prank the wrong person, then they're like, back and like. Witches and shit. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm going to make, I'm going to make sure that you're like. We could not any longer film. We could no longer film. Yeah. Well, we've been banned from every university in Queensland. We're no longer allowed to set foot on any university grounds in Queensland because of one mistake. Is that real? Really? I'm sure that they wouldn't enforce it very hard, but we haven't really tried. Yeah. True. Well, we sort of, I've been on my, yeah. On my ground. Amber graduated there. I went there the other day. Yeah. And we've been there since, but like we haven't been doing any outrageous shit. What's your name? Matt Brown. Brown. Browntown. Next question is from James Kirk-Pactrick. What's it going to take for one of you is to pour Matt's juice over your head once it's full? Yeah. I don't know if we'll use it like that. I want to make sure that we really get a lot of content out of that bottle of fuck. That's a whole lot of what that means. See if we can make pancakes with it, freeze it, use it as face cream for our friends. Remember the sunscreen prank we did? Do you imagine if you were just rubbing cum on your face? Could be good eye drops. Very liquidy. Is it very liquidy? Like very water? I'll let you see it. Is it thick anywhere? Sort of. It's something's growing at the bottom. Oh, that's good. Is it green? Imagine if a baby formed and it was Matt's clone. And it turns out that that's how you clone is just to come into a bottle hundreds of times. Next order? Yeah, it might be that. You don't know until you check it cum. All right. And final question. That should be the name of our channel. Oh. You're amongst a check. Oh, you could like Flamington. All right, and I'll just do the last question. You could like. Because we're going to get this going. Last question is from Ryan Maddock. What's something that makes Matt Brown flaccid? You could like Flamington. A healthy middle-aged lady rejecting him. Oh, yeah. That had upset me. Yeah, that really kills his boner. I don't know. I think hot spoons. If he's walking around with a massive reaction, I'll put a spoon in a microwave for a couple of minutes and slap the end of his cock with it. And it dies really quickly. He kills his. And it crumples up into this fucking sort of like a sock. Yeah, it retracts into him. Well, the matter inside it tracks, but the skin is still there. So it leaves this empty sock just hanging there. Nailed it. Well, that's just what I've seen. I wish we, I want to remember what you said originally. That's Michael's highlight. What are you, what are you going to about to say something about him being high as you're holding a fucking baby? You're a baby holder, bitch. You hold babies all day and all night, baby. It's mine. Thank you. That was a fucking good moment in my life. I'm sure it's sit-out. All right, look, all right, let's finish now. We need to just finish off. All right, screaming segment, fuck off. We're going to have to wait till next week. All right, it's 9 p.m. We're at two hours. What's still open right now? I don't know. All right, look, the prank call this week, here's what I'm going to try and do. Okay, I'm going to be Darren. The police wouldn't call that guy this late. It's 9 p.m. We're going to waste it on that guy. We have, we got sent in a pretty good prank call. We'll save it for next week. Right now, Darren's going to call the business and say, look, I've applied for a new job. I've put you guys down as a reference. Could you, if you get a call, can you please just put in a good word for me? It might not work. We'll go. Sorry. I'm sorry. That's all we got time for tonight. Okay. In the future, when we all live together and Matt Brown lives in the new dwelling that we're going to. Okay, take off. I can do like 50 prank calls until I get one that says yes. And then we can go on. But for now, sorry. We get one shot at this. Imagine if we just use that prank. Hi, this is me. I'm sorry. How can I help you? Yeah, good day, mate. My name's Darren. Look, I've... Yeah, Darren. Here you go, mate. Yeah. So I've put you down as one of my references for a job application that I've gone for a couple of days ago. I did... Yeah. Yeah, I didn't actually work for you guys. I worked at a south port in Atigali, but that got shut down. So I sort of just wrote yours ones down because that's where I sort of live near now. Okay. So I was just wondering if I could maybe speck to the manager or something about maybe if this new job people call you, which they probably won't even do. Like, you know, they never check all the references and that. But if they do call maybe someone just say, oh, yeah, nah, he worked here for six months and that and he was on time and that or whatever. Oh, yeah, okay. My manager is just doing an order right now. So I'll have to get back to you on that. I'll switch you on hold. Yeah, yeah. If you wouldn't mind just putting me on hold, mate. Yeah, because I sort of got to get the manager involved to let everyone know. Because like, yeah, if someone answers and says, oh, no, I've done that, Darren. Like, I'm sort of like, yeah, a bit fucked and that. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, nah. So I'll speak to the manager if he's all right with that. Yeah, that's all good. Okay, I'll just put you on hold now then. See, see. Cheers, Ralph. Hi, sorry about the wait. How can I help? Hey, nah, that's all right. So I don't know if your staff tells you, but so just to sort of give you a bit of a recap, right? So I'm applying for a new job, right? And they asked for references. I put the number down for this store, but I haven't worked at your store. I worked at a d*** in Southport on the Gully, but that got shut down like six months ago. So I was just trying to fill me references and that, and then I'll get a text late tonight saying they're going to start calling the references tomorrow, double checking that. So I was just wondering if he could do me a solid and maybe just let them know like, oh, yeah, Darren worked here for six months from the third of 2021 to the ninth of 2021 and just say, yeah, nah, he's all good or something like that. I just thought I'd call and just see if that's a possibility or something. Yeah, so do you remember the name of the managers that, where you work at Southport? To be honest, there was probably like, I reckon like five of them, right? And they cycled through like so much, right, that I don't remember any of their names, but I do remember some of me co-workers. There's this guy called Cody, me and Cody go along real well. There's Katie and Joanna who worked at the front and there's another piece of guy called Peter, he come in on weekends. So it's me, Cody, Peter mostly, right? And then the two chicks at the front and look, it was a good gig. Like I'll give you, is that like, he's not had to handle your staff on that. And I left on good terms. I left to pursue me career in hip hop and rapping and you know, push comes sharp COVID and that, right? And I've had to come back and yeah, so I need to apply for another, like a normal job and I've had to put these guys down as references, so. Yeah, okay, I'm so sorry, but I can't just give you a reference. You didn't work here. You need to contact someone who works at Southport. I can't help you with that. No, I hear what you're saying, but like I tried, like I googled it and shit, like I fully like googled Southport. That got shut down. Like that's in my search history. I can send you a screenshot if you want. I did look into it, right? I can't find none of the managers and I know, I know, right, that you don't want to be given a reference to some bloke you don't know. I might be some junkie dog. You don't know nothing about me, right? And I get that, but I'm telling you right now, right? I'm straight, I'm straight up. I'm clean, clean skin. I'm straight up. I don't, I want this job, like bad luck. You know I must want bad luck. I'm calling you, right? It's like 10 past nine on a Wednesday night, right? I'm calling you on my knees right now, just saying please. And I don't, you don't even need to like, or talk me out nothing. You can even look, how about this, right? You can even say, I was late sometimes. You can say that if you want, but all I'm asking, right? And I'm asking you to throw me the dog a bone, right? And you've got the bone in your hand right now, okay? They're going to call you tomorrow, right? They've just texted me that. So I need you to please, please, I'm begging you. I'm on my knees right now, bro. Please put in good work for me. No, no, no, I don't want to, come on. What if one of your employees does that and doesn't even tell you, say you don't even need to be like connected to it and that, what if who answers the phone, right? You say, oh yeah, talk to Johnno, talk to Johnno. And he will give you a reference. Oh, pay ya! How much do you want, darling? You want 400 bones? I'll sling you $400, ball. That's what, that's like two weeks work. Thank you. I'm going to hang up the phone now. Have a day, have a day. I'm coming down to your shop. That was sick, man. Oh my God. That was something else, dude. That was a fail. No, that honestly made me happy. And I fucking love Dean. I should, next week, we should call as... Dino? I forget her name, damn it. But we should... What was his name? No, we should listen to the back call back. Darren, that's fucking stupid. Connor, when you're listening to this, can you message me on Messenger her name that she said her name was? Because I'm going to call back next week as the reference guy. Yeah, I go, hey, Darren said he's working for. Oh, see what they say. Let's see what they say. Just keep the recording on your phone. You can just get it off that. No, but Connor might bleep the name, but Connor, what I'm saying is bleep the name. Yeah, bleep the name, but then message the name to me as you're bleeping it at the same time. And do it at the same time. Sorry. Don't do one after the other at the same time, please. That was fucking funny. I fucking love Darren. I thought I might have had him. Do you channel your childhood friend? I don't know what happens. You go so in depth with explaining what he's going through. Down on my knees. Yeah. Fucking ice cream. Yeah. Here we go. Darren's a fucking salesman at heart. Anyway. Oh, okay. Fuck. It's 10 past nine. We've got a fling clay there. So we've got a big drive ahead. We're going to get up early and throw shit at each other. I've got concrete to deal with. Matt's got concrete waiting at the house. We're moving in in like three days. Yeah. We've got tomorrow and then Friday and then moving day. And then the week starts again. We never get a break. It's a crush. The fireworks display. It's going to be good. Anyway, guys, next week we'll have a brand new set. And please like, comment, subscribe. Five star review on Spotify. We made you even smile slightly today, you bitch. We're the best, you fucking bitch. We are the best. We're the best, you fucking bitch. We are the best. You fucking bitch. I was the best. Fucking bitch. Best, you fucking bitch. We're the best. Best, you fucking bitch. 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