 The Kraft Foods Company presents the Great Gildersleeve. Gildersleeve, starring Harold Perry, brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of a complete line of famous quality food products. Bessie sprained her wrist yesterday and couldn't type, so I had to finish up a lot of letters and things myself. You look tired, Auntie. Do you want me to get your slippers? No, thank you, my dear. I might just slip off my shoes, though. Poor Auntie. Would you like Birdie to make you a cup of tea? Well, that might not be so bad. Now you stretch out on the sofa and I'll see about the tea. It feels good to wiggle my toes for a change. Give them a chance to breathe. Miss Gildersleeve, is that you? I thought I heard somebody come fronting in. Yeah, it's me, Birdie. He's terribly tired, Birdie. Could he have a cup of tea? Oh, right away. I got the kettle on the stove. Thank you. Something you wanted, Birdie? Well, yes, sir, that was, but seeing you don't feel so good, I can say it's gone. Thank you, Birdie. Yes, sir. I figure why I kick a man when it's down. Man, it's all war. I don't want to hear no bad news. Yeah, that's right. No, sir, I ain't got no use for people coming running with news of trouble. That's the way some folks do, but not Birdie. Yes, sir. You get your rest, Mr. Gildersleeve, and I'll fix your teeth. And you just forget about that leaky roof till tomorrow. Leaky roof? Don't you worry, Mr. Gildersleeve. I won't say another word about it. See, you know anything about the roof leaking, my dear? Oh, it's not a very big leak yet. There won't be any rain before Monday. Now, don't think about it. Just shut your eyes and think about something pleasant. Yes, that's a good idea. Have you thought of something? Yeah. You know, Mydry, if I had a suspicious nature, I'd think you were trying to get something out of me. What? But I haven't, of course. No, my dear. I realize you're getting older and more thoughtless. It's a great comfort to me. Oh, I'm glad. Yes, yes. Happy little family. Happy little... family. Whoever that is, I'm not here. I'll answer it. I'll answer it for you. I heard her at the police station. They've been arrested for stealing some lumber. What? Ma'am? No, no. Just tell them I'll be right down. Arrested. Where did I put those... shoes? Your self-liroy. Your self-liroy? And I'm sorry to see you mixed up in this, Craig. I do. Now, now, let's have the facts. They're going to put us in jail or... No, no. Nothing like that. I want to go home. We'll go home as soon as I talk to them. Who was it that called me? That fellow behind the desk? Yeah. I'll tackle him in a minute. But I have to know exactly what happened first, Leroy. That means the truth. Okay. We thought nobody had won. I want the truth, Leroy. If anybody had minded... Just a minute, Craig. Is that all, Leroy? Absolutely all. Sure, but... I didn't take any. What about the nails? Nails? Craig's got a whole pocket full of them. Well, walk easy so you won't jinkle, Craig. Now, come with me, both of you. Are you in charge here, Sergeant? Yes, sir. Are you this boy's guardian? Yes. The one that needs a haircut. Now, just let me have your name and address, please. Never mind that, Sergeant. It just so happens that the Chief of Police is a close personal friend of mine. But if you don't mind, I'll just take this up with him. You mean you want to see the Chief? I do. Now? That is correct. And if you're interested in keeping your job... I am interested, but I am not worried about it. The Chief is out of town. Go over to Salinas this afternoon for a visit with his mother. Oh, he did, Eddie. Every time there's anything popping in this town, the Chief is somewhere else. Well, now look here, Sergeant. Have a cigar. I don't use tobacco, thanks. Oh, admirable. Yes, indeed. Now, let me tell you, Sergeant, just as man-to-man, don't you think it's ridiculous arresting these boys just for picking up a couple of sticks of wood? Well, the report says they were walking off with three planks of number two Douglas Bird. Well, that's the difference. To a boy, they're just pieces of wood. That's all I thought they were. I'm just a couple old pieces. I'm handling thisly right. You're in a very serious predicament. Let me do the talking. I suppose this is only petty larceny, isn't it, Sergeant? What do you mean only petty larceny? In this state, you can get a year in jail for petty larceny. Ankh! Did he say jail? He's not talking about you, E. Roy. I want to go home. Made for heaven's sake. I told him not to take it. You be quieter. I'll tell him about the nails. Is Sergeant... I'm sure the chief will straighten this out when he gets back. That may be. All I know is these boys are booked and they'll have to appear in court on Monday morning. Monday? No, no, I'm sure that I can... These boys are my custody, Sergeant. I'll be glad to. Stop crying, Craig, or I'll leave. Nothing I can do but let the law take its course. Call yourself a lawyer? Not only a lawyer, but a judge. My oath pledges me to uphold the law, whereas you're trying to get me to circumvent it. Oh, you make me tired, Judge. I'm not asking this for myself. I'm asking it for Leroy. Think of the effect this court business will have on him. I suspect you're thinking of the effect it'll have on you. What are you hinting at, you old goat? The publicity. It won't be nice. Don found Leroy. He thinks of absolutely nothing but himself. I don't know what to do with him, Horace. By George, I've got half a mind to send him to military school. What the dickens for? Because he's getting out of hand. Because he won't pay any attention to anything I say. This is the way delinquency starts, Horace. Oh, nonsense. Sending him to military school would be simply crawling out of your own responsibility. It would not. Military school would be the making of that boy. Teach him to sit up straight and toe the mark. You're nephew, but I'm against it. What would you do? Have you tried reason, Dr. Morton? Reason with Leroy don't make me laugh. I mean adult reason. I've watched you try to reason with Leroy and you treat him like a child. Leroy happens to be a child, Horace, and a pretty childish one at that. It makes no difference. Treat him as an adult, and he'll respond in an adult way. You really think so? Well, as a lawyer, you're a total loss. Why I should take your advice on child psychology, goodness only knows. Well, there's one thing about it, Gilda. It's free. I'll take it. Sit down here a minute. What for? I want to talk to you. As man to man. Sit down. Okay. Not way over there. Come closer. Closer? Yes, bring a chair over here. Now, as man to man, you realize you've been a bad boy today. Yeah, I guess so. I want you to think about it a little. I want you to think about what kind of a man you'll turn out to be. I want you to, Leroy, what are you counting if I may ask? The squares and the carpet. Well, stop it. And stop looking at that carpet. Look me in the eye. Okay. Now, I'm going to treat you like a grown-up. My boy, you've committed a serious offense. And I want to ask you a serious question. What? What do you think your punishment should be? Me? Yes, you. I'm putting the decision up to you. You've committed a crime. You've broken the state law. You've broken one of the ten commandments. Number eight, I believe. What kind of punishment do you think would be fair and just? No dessert, Leroy. I give up. I'll tell you what I'm going to do with you, young man. I'm going to send you to military school. Yes, sir, military school. You'll wear a uniform all day. And you'll keep it neat and clean. And you'll learn to salute and march and say, sir. Now, what do you think of that? I think I'll like it. Then you can't go. Now, get upstairs to bed. No, supper. Well, no dessert. By George, we're going to have some discipline around here. Did you ever stop to think that the only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little word, extra? You mothers might take, for example, those vegetables you were as a family to eat every day. Now, sir, play. And the children may sometimes think they're pretty ordinary. But when served with a rich golden cheese sauce made with smooth-melting Belvita, they are extraordinary. It's wonderful, that extra flavor Belvita adds. Rich yet mild cheddar cheese flavor. And there's extra food value, too, for Belvita adds high-quality, complete protein, precious milk minerals, food energy, riboflavin, and vitamin A. With Belvita, it's easy to make that rich-tasting, nutritious cheese sauce. Just melt a half pound of Belvita in the top of your double boiler. Then stir in one-third cup of milk and there's your sauce. Delicious on such vegetables as broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, green beans, or onions. Grand on fish, too. So when you shop tomorrow, be sure to get Belvita for marvelous cheese sauce that's such a splendid help during length. And for snacks and sandwiches, too. Insist on the genuine Belvita, the cheese food of craft quality. Now back to the great Gilder Sleeves, who is once again where he so often finds himself at his wit's end. Baffled in discursions by the problem of how to bring up a young nephew, he has decided to shove it aside for the moment and seek diversion among his friends at the Jolly Boys Club. And so he sets out a heavy-hearted Jolly Boy glumly in search of an evening of fun. Greetings, Peavey. You going to the Jolly Boys? Yes, I thought I would for a little while. Well, I'll walk down with you. Well, it feels nice of you. I'm glad to have you company. You don't mind if I close up shop here first. I'll take a bit of my time. Yes, yes, go ahead. Peavey, don't ever have any children. Are they crying? I say whatever you do, don't ever have any children. Well, don't. They'll drive you crazy. I say they'll drive you crazy. Peavey, I'm trying to talk to you about children. No, you're not. You're counting. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to close up here. How about children, Mr. Gilder Sleeves? Oh, let it go. You seem to be a little out of touch this evening somehow. Well, who wouldn't be? Leroy's gone and got himself in jail. Leroy? Well, not in jail, exactly. He got himself arrested. Leroy? Well, not arrested, exactly. I had to get out of the police station and bail him out. You had to bail him out. Well, not bail him out. They released him in my custody. Are you sure it's Leroy? I don't need joking. Well, it's nothing to joke about. You don't know what worry is, Peavey. You've never had any children. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say I never worry. After all, I'm a married man. Well, why have to be blessed? Well, of course. In many ways. But these aren't really fun to do again. Yeah, but you don't have to worry about her going out and swiping lumber. Is that what Leroy's been up to? I'm afraid so. And I always say, boys will be boys. I know you do. I wish you'd think of something different to say for change. Come on, Peavey. Let's get out of here. Some other time, fellas. I'm not in the mood right now. Come out of here. You don't seem like your old foolish self tonight. Is the chief of police going to be here, Floyd? I've been trying to get a hold of them all day. Well, the chief's out of town. This is his mother. At least that's his story. Why? Nothing. Gildersley's nephew has had a bit of a run-in with the police. Leroy? He's been helping himself to wooden from a new house, if you must know. A car baloney. A couple of little boards. Who hasn't swiped a couple of little boards when he was a kid? Well, I bet every one of us sitting here in this room has lugged off more lumber than Leroy ever saw. Including Peavey. The new house goes up. A kid just naturally got a play on it. You know that yourself, Commissioner. Well, I guess it is pretty tempting. But playing is one thing. Stealing is something else. Stealing? Well, who's stealing it? So a couple of boards are laying around. The kid sees other people building things and he wants to build something. Monkey sees monkey do, that's all. Floyd is right, Gilder. It's just as he says. The creative, impulsing youth needs an outlet. That's all. Did I say that? If the community provided proper facilities for play, these little peccadillos wouldn't occur. That's right. I'm for kids. You know, Horace, you've got me thinking maybe I was wrong for once. That I would say is a major achievement. After all, Leroy only wanted the board so he could build himself a clubhouse. Leroy is a good kid. I'm for Leroy. After all, a clubhouse, fellas. Has there ever been a kid who didn't want a clubhouse? Yes. Arm Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Penrod, all of them. The first thing they want is a clubhouse. A place they can call their own. I'm for kids. Kids are better than people. Yes, well... They are only real friends, the kids are. You know that? A kid will never knife you in the back but I wish I could say of some other people mentioning no names. That's true, Floyd. I don't know, I cut their hair every day. I see all kinds. The only thing I got against kids, they won't sit still. At least they ain't crabs and sourpusses. I hate a sourpuss. Like I told my wife when I come home nights after a hard day's work I like a little cheery atmosphere around the place. Floyd. But I'm for kids. Yes. I think we can safely say that we're all in favor of children, Floyd. Well, count me in. But what we're discussing is, at the moment, Leroy. Leroy's okay. He's a good kid. Granted. I was a kid once myself. You were not alone in that, either. Ahoy out there. Hulles, it's the Chief. He's back. Ahoy yourself. Come on up. Now stick with me, fellas. We've got to make him see this my way. Here's the issue. The Chief's a good kid. I'm for kids. Hi, Chief. Well, well, here's a pretty sight. If I didn't know you all, I'd swear it was a Dillinger gang. Evening, Chief. Evening. How'd you find your mother? Ah, she swelled, yeah? She just swelled. She's getting on now but I kid her along. I tell her she doesn't look a day over 60. Well, Pee-Vee, how's drugs and sundries? No, I can't complain. I don't know why I say that. Business is terrible. Well, he pluggin' Chief. Commissioner, I didn't see you standing there under the moose. I wonder if I could have a word with you, Chief. You bet. And what's this I hear from my desk sergeant your nephew being picked up this evening. That's all I wanna talk to you about. No use you two getting so confidential over there. We know all about it. Now, look, Chief, Leroy's a good kid. Why don't you just forget the whole business? Well, it's not so easy. What's hard about it? Well, the phone of it's building the house is Hornerath. Hornerath? He's a lous. Well, sure, he's kind of a lous but he's got influence and he claims the kids are swiping his lumber so fast that he can't get his house built. But, Chief, a few crummy little boards. I know it's a petty crime if there ever was one but, unfortunately, it's on the blotter now. If it hadn't gone on the blotter... Well, if you'd been on a job it wouldn't have gone on the blotter. Why weren't you out catching crooks, Chief, instead of gallivanting around the countryside? My sergeant takes care of that and it seems he caught a couple. Oh! Gentlemen, gentlemen. There he is. This is not a chance. Yes, it is. Hey, Chief, let me ask you a simple question and you can answer it or not as you see fit. But you're a bum if you don't think. What's the question, Troy? Were you ever a kid, Chief, or were you born a cop? Of course I was a kid. I've got pictures of when I was a kid and my mom has. I was going through the album with her only yesterday. Then don't you remember, Chief, what it was like to be a kid? Didn't you ever play hooky from school? I guess so. Didn't you ever roast Mickey's in a fire? Oh, sure. Didn't you ever go swimming in the old swimming hole? You too, gentlemen? Think of it, Chief, your childhood. Blessings on the little man barefoot boy with cheeks of tan. They were the happiest days of your life, weren't they? The golden days of childhood. Well, as I didn't want to do this, I was out of town at the time. But don't you see? There it is on the books. Well, as... Don't look at me like that. Well, I guess the Chief just hates kids, that's all. That's a hard thing to say of any man, Floyd, but I'm afraid you're right. Well, uh... The quantity of mercy is not strange. It falleth as the gentle rain from heaven. You said it, Judge. What's the use of being good to your mother if you hate kids? I don't hate kids. I'm as fond of kids as anybody. Even Leroy. Leroy? Well, here's your chance to prove it. But my duty, I took a note. The boy was formally booked. It's there on the blotter in black and white. Caught stealing lumber. It's up to the owner now, if he wants to prefer charges, my hands are tied. Well, let it go. Dear Floyd... He can't, he can't, that's all. Thanks, Floyd. I'm glad somebody understands. Chief, do you know what day this is? What day? Ten minutes to midnight. Ten minutes to St. Patrick's Day. I don't know if that means anything to you, but I happen to have a bit of Irish in me myself. What Irish is it? If there's Irish in a month, I'm sure there's twice as much in the gates. Well, be that as it may, and let's not be breaking any heads over the matter. I'd hate to have the good St. St. St. come in without a song to greet it. Oh, shake, Andrew, your old cool mic. Give me, boy. Shake hands with your sister, Kate! Shake! Oh, come on. If you're going to sing an Irish song, Floyd, give us one with a little heart in it. The commissioner, I thought she was a Dutchman. Yeah? How about you, Judge? There's a bit of Irish terrier in him, all right. The rest is goat. Come over here, Horace. You can sing if you'll sing softly. I sing loud or not at all? Well, that leads only to peeve. Guess peevee's the only one that ain't got any Irish in them. Oh, no, I wouldn't be answering that. Him, too. What a pack of liars. Come on, peevee. You know, peevee only sings one note, but it's a pep. Well, peevee? Peevee sings a note that can be heard only by dogs. Come on now, fellas. A little bit of, uh, you know. So sweet and pants apart. This way reminds me of my mother and me of little one on her knee. Well, I'm not ashamed of it. Honest sentiment is nothing to be ashamed of. You're right, Chief. And I'll tell you something else. St. Patrick's Day is hardly the time for a jolly boy to be jailing the nephew of a fellow member. It's all right. Yeah, how about it? By shameless, he's right. Oh, now, fellas, I wouldn't want to interfere in any way with the Chief's conception of his duty. Duty? He comes first. No, Commissioner, my duty's clear to me now. I'll have a talk with this hon-rat and see if I can't get him to withdraw the charge. You think he might? He'll either withdraw it or I'll have the building inspector hang a complaint on him. Fittin' on kids like that. Faxy. Here's, we all heard a lot about the precious protean food, how important these muscle builders are in the daily diet. Well, let's not forget which foods they are. For instance, the famous cheese food, velvita, is an excellent protean food. Whenever you spread velvita for snacks or slice it for sandwiches, whenever you melt velvita for glorious sauce, you're giving the folks a high-quality, complete protean. What's more, delicious velvita also helps supply milk minerals. Food energy, riboflavin, vitamin A. And this pasteurized cheese food is digestible as milk itself. All of this means the genuine velvita is one of your best buys for nutrition. And just see how your family goes for its rich yet mild cheddar cheese flavor. Look for the yellow package, marked velvita, the cheese food of craft quality. What are you doing awake at this hour? It's after one o'clock. I couldn't sleep. Stop being mad at me. My boy? But what's wrong? Christmas, like you said. Well, you forget it, my boy. I know you didn't mean any harm. Well, what was all the fireworks about? I'm going to tell you something, my boy. It may be difficult to understand, but it's a fact. Grown-ups can sometimes make mistakes. Yes, even your old uncle. It's very confusing being a grown-up. Very confusing. I often wish I were a boy again, like you. But make the most of the time when you're young, my boy. I want you to do nothing but have fun and have a good time. But you remember that? Yeah. But what about you? Well, I'll try. Now go to sleep. I haven't done this in a long time, New York. But do you mind if I kiss you goodnight? No, go ahead. Good night, my boy. God bless you. Good night, Al. Don't forget to take the ashes out in the morning. I'm worried about them there for a minute. Played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Macon. This is John Whedon speaking for The Craft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gelder Sleeves. And now here's a quick, easy way to prep up your lent and thyme meals. You simply blend creamy, golden-crafted salad mustard into appetizing egg and cheese dishes. 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