 Any dollar at McCrack and Johnny Universal Adjustment Bureau? Well, greetings, Fasten. Oh, just being polite when I see a nice frac-tivation about to come my way. You know something? You clear this one up to me and make sure... Ah, this sounds a sweet music voice to my ears. Who, what, when, where, and why, Patrick? And what? I never. Missing? That's right, missing. From where? I'll tell you about it. Oh, it's a worth. I mean, this is pretty valuable. There's no sense. How much, Pat? Come on over. How much? Well, what? That's right, 321,400. OK, baby. I'm on my ever-loving way. In the exciting adventures of the man with the action-packed expense account, America's fabulous freelance insurance investor is surely Johnny Duller, professional investigator Johnny Duller, of the Universal Adjustment Bureau Home Office, Hartford, Connecticut, following his account of expenses incurred during my investigation of the super salesman matter. It's always the promise of a big commission did sound like sweet music to me. So, expense account item one is a buck and a quarter for calves at the Office of Universal Adjustment and the spear building down on the square where Pat was waiting for it. Oh, come in. Sit down and listen, Johnny. Sure, sure, Pat. Rochemont necklace. Part of some old crown jewels that something came over from Paris a few years ago. The whole collection was worth a couple of million dollars. Of various parts of it was sold to various people in various parts of the country, but the Ruby and Diamond necklace went to Mrs. Liza Rochemont now. She's a wealthy widow living out on the edge of town. Except when she was away in Florida, California, Europe, wherever, when she put a vault at the bank, she kept it in a wall safe at her home, a safe to which she alone has a combination and nobody's ever broken into it. You're sure? I'm sure. There's an automatic device that would show it. Well, did you ever wear that price of hock or a jewelry? Oh, quite often. Which is why she often had it cleaned and the stones checked in the setting. So a couple of days ago, she handed it over to that jeweler in the new building just across the square there. Hey, you see the shop? Parker? Clayton Parker. See, to me, she'd pick one of the big ones, one of the old time firms, or send it down to New York to Tiffany's, a Cartier or someone like that. After all, that's exactly what her insurance man, Tim Pringle, you know him? Surety Mutual? Tim told her this morning when he found out what's happened. What's happened? Clayton Parker called her up in the middle of the night and then barged in on her, looking like he'd seen a ghost or two. He laid the necklace in her lap and promptly fainted away. Parker? Parker. And? And when he came to, with the help of a little brandy, he shakily told her that her necklace, instead of the genuine article worth over 300 Gs, was faced, was a fake. You are kidding. No. She took it over to Wilson Brothers, her regular jeweler. They told her Parker was right, so she fainted. Well, now look. Well, if she came to, she notified Tim Pringle. He notified me, I called you. That is, after I took time out for a little thinking about it. Yeah? A universal adjustment bureau serves a lot of companies. I know. All over the country. I know. We get reports on every client company's problem. So? Well, something rang a bell. I went through the files. Johnny, this very same kind of thing happened back in 56. South in Chicago, down in Philadelphia, that was in 59. And in each case, the jeweler who discovered the switch answered the description of Mr. Clayton W. Parker. Oh, oh, oh. Has anybody been through Parker's shop? Well, now, Johnny, we've got a little problem there. Problem? Like what? Well, if Tim Pringle openly sicks the police or even a private investigator on the park, well, yeah, I see what you mean. Now, if Tim were to pull a booboo, make a wrong charge against his own new client. So what am I supposed to do? Bust in the Parker's shop some dark night? Blow it safe, maybe? Well, Johnny, he does not have a burglar alarm in that little shop of his, nor on the safe inside. So what? And it is easily accessible from a dark alley out in the back. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, wait a minute. Well, are you, are you asking me? Oh, of course not, Johnny. I'm not asking you a thing. What kind of a company do you think this is? Well, don't be ridiculous. However, if somebody were to find the genuine necklace in Parker's safe, someone that is unknown to us, I, uh... What did you say your name is? I didn't. And yours? What's it to you? OK. OK. Two hundred bucks to a man named Fingers J. Mac. But let's leave his last name out of this. I may have use for his delicate touch again sometime. Well, getting into the back of Parker's store that night was a cinch. And once inside, we could see why he didn't bother with much protection. His stock was small, and most of it was novelty stuff. And he must have been a super salesman to get hold of Mrs. Rochewan's valuable necklace. If it was the real one that he took in for cleaning. While Fingers worked on the old-fashioned safe I went over the store with a fine-toothed collar. Well, of course. No sign of the necklace anywhere, including the safe. So I helped Fingers out of the back window. We'd open, sent him on his way, made a careful check to be sure the place looked the same as it had before, then proceeded to hoist myself out of the window. I'll see if I can get this thing closed again. Huh? No, no, wait a minute. And this will keep you safe. And this will keep you here. For thousands upon thousands of new houses is needlessly destroyed. Watershed supplying vitally needed water for industry and life itself are laid waste. Wild life has cruelly killed their habitats ruined for many years to come. Sorely needed outdoor recreational areas are burned black. Homes are leveled to the ground and human lives destroyed. And what causes this terrible destruction, this tragic loss? It can be as tiny a thing as one paper match. 90% of our forest fires are caused by people. People who are careless for just one fatal instance with their cigarettes, matches, campfires. Every American, every one of us, man, woman or child, is a potential fire bug. It takes only a moment's carelessness or thoughtlessness to set fire loose in the forest. Let's all observe the simple common-sense rules of forest fire protection. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. And now, act two of yours truly, Johnny Dollars. Back up on my feet and out of that alley before the police arrived, I'm not quite sure what I somehow did. I ran a couple of blocks through some other alleys and then playing drunk, which wasn't hard after that column that I grabbed a taxi. That's item three a bucket and a half. I went back to my apartment, had a couple of stiff drinks, had a couple of aspirins and soaked my aching head with a wet towel. And after a good night's rest, I was all set to call Pat McCracken and tell him to go jump into the nearest lake until I remembered that officially he'd had nothing to do with all this. And then I did some thinking. If what Pat had told me was true, only true people could possibly have substituted a phony for the Rorschach necklace. The wealthy Mrs. Rorschach herself, of course. This new small-time jeweler, this Clayton Parker. But it wasn't in the store. So maybe hidden around his home someplace. Well, I could try. In the meantime, I hope he hadn't recognized me in that alley. No doubt he'd be in a shop this morning and if he was married. Hmm. Expense a girl item four or five dollars for a handful of business cards for a shop with small printer. Item five, seventy-nine ninety-five for a vacuum cleaner. One of the tank-type jobs with all the accessories. And I managed to grab a stack of literature on it. Item six, two and a quarter to pawn shop for a beta-fiber suitcase. The business cards went into my pocket. The vacuum cleaner went into the back seat of my car, which luckily was barely in need of a wash job, but kind of poorly. The accessories and literature went into the suitcase, then into the back also. I crossed my fingers and took off. Now wait a minute. Yes? Can't you see that sign over the doorbell? No salesman. Let me solicit it. Oh, well, of course. Well. When I came in and to the coupon, you mailed asking for more information in the, uh, free demonstration. Coupon? Oh, um, my, uh, my name is, uh, well, it is my car. Now look. No obligation to buy, you know, none whatsoever. Yeah, ma'am. Look, this is some kind of... same-staken sales engineer in a national vacuum cleaner service. Yes, ma'am. What the sales engineer? Um, you really want to know. Uh-huh. Well, it's just a glorified name for an ordinary salesman. Well, it's a pretty glorified kind of guy to have to be going around pounding doorbells. Well, gotta make a living. Yes, you do all right, too. Beautiful, lonesome, long-suffering housewife. You're a good-looking guy like you at the door, and pop off to work somewhere. You... probably do all right. Oh, well, now, wait a minute. Uh-huh. You should see some of those lovely, lonely housewives you're talking about. Uh, no makeup here. Still loving curlers. A pair of dirty bedroom slippers. Shoot up by the family pet. What? Yeah, yeah. And all decked out in a sloppy house, an old apron full of silk studs from the breakfast business. Oh, what a picture. Yeah, and maybe even kind of hung over from the night before. Uh, you mean that's what you usually run into? Oh, run away from. Oh, you're cute, too. And, uh, that's why it's such a relief to be met by somebody like you. I mean, uh... well, that is... Well... Hmm? No, I'm sorry. I mean... well, I mean, I brought the cleaner around to give you the demonstration you asked for when you sent in the coupon. Are you kidding me? I didn't send in any coupon. Oh, but you must have. Whoa. Would you like me to go get my list out of the car? Uh-uh. Oh, because if you hadn't sent in the coupon, I wouldn't... And I hate to do you out of permission. And I sure don't need to buy another vacuum. I'm sorry. Good luck. Well, I wasn't going to send you one. What? Oh, no, no, no. They're sold only in the stores. I-I simply get paid for the free home demonstration. Oh? So just let me come in and show you how it works, huh? Then you can fill out the card saying you have had a demonstration and... Well, this is Parker. Yeah. My name's Gloria. Well, look, things... Well, things have been kind of tough on a buy. If I don't fill my quota this week, well, look, I'll do the whole house for you and no obligation. No obligation whatsoever. Well, Mrs. Parker... Oh, look, Jimmy, if my husband should ever know that I... He doesn't like people in here while he's out. But, you know, come on in. And after all, it's... you have to work so hard. Maybe you could... Here's a little drink. Come on. Just to make the demonstration. Sure. Come on in. Just a minute. I'm a man of high principle. I have a job to do. Which is to say that as soon as I get inside, I unpack the equipment, hook it up, and went to work vacuum cleaning the whole house. And I'll tell you this, I should have studied the directions a little more carefully before drawing this crazy stunt, or maybe made a few practice swings through my own apartment. Now, modern appliance is now standing, and I'll have a great deal of sympathy for the American housewives. I mean, that living room was huge, and so was the dining room. But I didn't want to be obvious by heading into the study first. The study where her husband's desk would be and where, if I were lucky, she wouldn't leave me alone for a second. You haven't told me, isn't that enough? No, you got to finish your job. I promised I'd clean the whole place, and I'll do it. Why don't you just sit down and relax and read a book or something? What about that little drink, I promised? We could have it right here in the gym. Hey, look, I know. Why do you have the bottle and some ice and soda? Yeah, it's just fine. It's just me to see. We have the same taste. Yeah, well, while you're getting it, I'll finish up the study here, then we can sit down and relax for a minute before I start to relax. What? What did you say? Nothing. The side had only the usual jacket. But the third one down had a small lock on it. By stepping on the handle, I was able to spring it. And there inside, a small black metal box. Yeah, the Rochewan necklace. And even my untrained eyes told me this was no fake. But I couldn't very well leave it there. And what if Gloria Parker knew about it? What if she expected that my lobbyist job was just an excuse to close the drawer again and finish up my cleaning job before she came back into the study? But when she did, instead of a couple of drinks in a hand, she carried one of those interesting little devices made out of blue steel. Okay, baby, that's enough. Why don't you just put up your hands over your head? The value listeners put upon their services. They know you rely on them for accuracy at all times. And they have a firsthand appreciation of the importance of clarity and brevity, as well. But all of these standards are kept in mind by our highly skilled, and highly skilled people you'll appreciate the efforts of our CBS News staff. These men offer you a direct, link with history day by day. But more than that, they do their job with full regard for your busy schedule. They offer you accuracy, brevity, and clarity in news reports for news at frequent intervals at the most possible every day. Now, act three of yours, $20, and the super salesman message. Making like a salesman to get in here. Now, why don't you put that thing down? Oh, no. But you should have been smoother, Johnny. That was Clayton, my husband. He thought you might come here. You? Johnny, Mrs. Farger. That's right. Johnny Dollar, the famous dick. You stupid... You think Clay didn't recognize me last night? Oh. Then why didn't the police pick me up this morning? You thought the police find out you were checking on him. They might think he had something to do with that phony necklace or something like that. That what, Mrs. Farger? You know, that rich Mrs. Roshma. Ask the police to prove otherwise. Maybe. Crazy ideas. Well, I don't think anybody's going to hear them because when Clay gets... Ideas, huh? What? What if I have some proof of anything? All right, now listen. Cups are leading in the sheep to the slaughter. I'm glad you let him in here in the first place. Even if you didn't know who he was. Are you kidding? What do you mean, darling? Well, if you could have seen the open arm welcome I got on the strength of batting my nice brown eyes at a couple of times around your door. You don't keep very close tabs on her when you're out of the house, do you, Parker? Don't listen to him, Clay. He's lying. He's trying to trick you, make you drop your guard. That's right. It won't work, darling. Well, okay, I tried. So, now you can call in the police to pick me up, police. Don't make me laugh. Why do you think I didn't call them in last night? You're on this case. Are you sure of that? You try to tell me they'd go for breaking and entering my shop. They or that insurance company of yours? In the hopes that maybe you'd find that pretty little necklace? You admit that you substituted. Keep that gun on it, Gloria. Well, I make sure it's still okay. Don't worry. He doesn't have a chance to go for it. I've never seen him wear a look. Until you called, I kept him busy. I kept a great job of his busy pushing a vacuum. No. It isn't here. In this house? No, Clay. And I only left him alone in this room. Here, then. Shoot him down if he makes one move. Don't worry. I'll look in and around. He may be strict to my shorts and not to every inch of my clothes. Well, then, if it's worth a dollar, you don't leave this room alive. Well, when you didn't report to me that you'd found that thing and his... Well, when you were last night, please go home. Yes. Well, when I saw Parker from my office window, they saw him tear out of a shop a few minutes ago and burn rubber heading out in this direction. Obvious. And would you like to see the necklace? It's somewhere inside this vacuum cleaner I didn't sell. His wife yammered all over the place in the hope of getting off easy. Not to miss that thing. Expensive out total $189.95. Oh, and by all means, don't forget my comm... over 320 grand. Yours truly, $20.