 Item Number – SCP-367 Object Class – Euclid Special Containment Procedures – SCP-367's containment area is to be checked daily for damage done by SCP-367. Any and all damage to containment area is to be repaired immediately. Should damage exceed that which can be repaired in a 12-hour period, SCP-367 is to be moved to a temporary containment area and kept under constant observation while repairs are made. Any attempts by SCP-367 to damage or escape containment are to immediately be met with chemical suppression tactic A11. Every two hours, SCP-367 is to be provided with one kilogram of feed which may be composed of any available biomatter. In the event that no suitable biomass is available, other items may be provided for consumption and CST A11 is to be placed on standby in case of rejection behavior by SCP-367. SCP-367 is to be weighed after each feeding period to monitor weight and density increase leading up to division. Additional instances of SCP-367 forming in containment are to be disposed of. No unprotected interaction with SCP-367 is to be undertaken unless it is within 30 minutes of a feeding period. SCP-367 may not be removed from the containment area without approval by site command. No instances of SCP-367 are to be released to staff for any purpose other than testing. Description SCP-367 appears to be a small dog of variable breed, most often appearing as a small brown puppy. SCP-367 exhibits a slightly elevated appetite in activity level for a dog of its apparent age and size and does not sleep but otherwise behaves as expected for a dog. SCP-367 is a massive single-celled organism composed of what appears to be a mass of yellow slime with several white threads suspended in it with a semi-solid sphere of grey material in the center deemed the nucleus. It is unknown what SCP-367 is made of or why its outer shell appears to be a juvenile dog. However, testing data expunged, further investigation, the strings appear to function as the muscular skeletal system and under most circumstances the movement and general behavior of SCP-367 are indistinguishable from a normal dog. SCP-367 is capable of feeding on any solid matter and has shown the ability to dissolve and digest concrete, steel, titanium, carbon fiber, bone, wood, data expunged. When presented with an item that cannot fit into the external shell's mouth or be broken down with the teeth, SCP-367 will project pseudopodia from its internal mass and break down the matter into a consumable form. It is unknown how this occurs as no acid is used but it appears to be a disruption of the basic atomic bonds of the matter which is still under investigation. SCP-367 does not increase in size when consuming items but does increase in density. In addition, SCP-367 does not produce any waste. After consuming enough material to double its starting mass, SCP-367 will find an isolated location such as in a cabinet or under furniture and liquefy its outer shell. It will then divide into two equal masses and reform its outer shell, creating two instances of SCP-367. If SCP-367 is left without food for more than three hours, the internal strings will project from the eyes and mouth areas of SCP-367, an attempt to bore into and break down all nearby matter. In this state, SCP-367 is highly aggressive and has been observed to data expunged. Notes on recovery. SCP-367 was recovered from the residential home of Ms. Myra Bancroft in Ireland. Mrs. Bancroft was reported missing several days before and Foundation staff established containment of her residence when it was reported that she had over 80 small dogs in her home which had consumed her corpse and most of the home. A single instance of SCP-367 was recovered with all other instances eliminated via CST-A11. Ongoing monitoring is in effect to isolate any remaining SCP-367 outside of containment. Item number SCP-357 Object Class Euclid Special Containment Procedures A 10 kg seed sample of SCP-357 is to be contained within a hermetically sealed container within a 3 m x 3 m x 3 m room at Site-19. Samples removed from the container are not to exceed 1 kg. A detailed log must be kept of all SCP-357 that is produced, complete with accurate records of what had been used to feed it and how much of the sample was subsequently destroyed via compression. The mass of the container is to be monitored electronically. Changes in mass that are not accounted for by removal or return of samples will result in an automatic lockdown of that section of Site-19, as this indicates that a breach of the container may have occurred. Unless provided level 4 approval, researchers are not to expose SCP-357 to temperatures exceeding 100 degrees Celsius. The amount exposed to these temperatures is never to be greater than 1 cubic millimeter under any circumstances. Description SCP-357 is a malleable substance with a density of 250 kg per cubic meter. The material has been found to reflect all radiation with 100% efficiency. To date, chemical analysis of SCP-357 has yielded no conclusive results. Electron microscopy of SCP-357 has shown no inherent granularity at any level. These two latter results suggest that SCP-357 may not be atomic in nature. However, there have been no satisfactory hypotheses as to how baryonic matter is able to interact with it. When permitted to physically interact with SCP-357, researchers describe it as having a consistency similar to that of Play-Doh brand modeling compound. However, unlike Play-Doh, SCP-357 will not retain its shape for any length of time if left at rest. It will settle at a rate of approximately 0.5 centimeters per minute until it reproduces the shape of the inside of its container. SCP-357 will form a meniscus inside the container 7.5 centimeters high. The thickness of the substance at the top of the meniscus is 1 millimeter, at which point it merges with the surface of the container following a Gaussian curve. If allowed to settle on a flat surface, SCP-357 will spread until its average thickness is no more than 1 millimeter. The edge of the mass follows the same Gaussian function that is seen in the meniscus. If solid matter is placed in a container of SCP-357, it will sink into the substance at a constant rate of 0.5 centimeters per minute. SCP-357 will displace the appropriate volume as any other fluid would. If the solid object is fully absorbed by SCP-357, it will become impossible to distinguish between it and the substance of SCP-357. Theories range from the object taking on the properties of SCP-357 to the object being replaced by a corresponding volume of SCP-357. If a homogeneous pressure of at least 100 newtons to centimeters squared is applied to a sample of SCP-357, the material will decrease in size at a rate of 1.3 centimeters cubed per minute, or more, depending on the magnitude of the pressure. When compressed in this manner, the density of SCP-357 does not change. Rather, the mass decreases at the same rate as the volume, where the excess mass goes is presently unknown. If compressed to approximately 1 millimeter cubed at room temperature, no amount of force is able to decrease the size any further. Application of vacuum pressure does not increase the size of a sample of SCP-357. The only method found for increasing its mass is via the encapsulation of a volume. Addendum 3571 SCP-357 was initially produced by a cyclotron in 19- At data expunged. The responsible researchers at the university were given a class B amnestic, with the exception of Dr. R.B., who has been granted level 2 clearance and allowed to do further research on SCP-357. To date, the results of the initial experiment that produced SCP-357 cannot be reproduced. As a precaution, particle physics laboratories and particle colliders are periodically monitored for similar discoveries. Addendum 3572 SCP-357 is pending review for use in disposal of hazardous objects being held by the foundation. Until the properties of SCP-357 are more concretely understood, particularly in high-energy environments, approval is being withheld. It is already clear that SCP-357 should not be exposed to some objects due to risk of unlimited expansion of the material. Addendum 3573 Some personnel have been caught smoking indoors and exhaling into SCP-357 in an attempt to hide the evidence. This is heavily discouraged due to security considerations, health issues, and risk of accidental ingestion. File photos of experiments 3573 and 3574 are freely available to those who continue to practice this abuse of foundation property. Subject log 3571 Date undisclosed Subject 1 ping-pong ball Procedure SCP-357 is allowed to fully absorb the ball while in a container sitting upon an electronic scale. Details The ball is seen to sink into the sample of SCP-357. When the last of the ball disappears from view, the scale reports an increase in mass of 5.6 grams, equivalent to the difference between the ping-pong ball's mass and that of the equivalent volume of SCP-357. Experiment log 3572 Date undisclosed Subject a mass of SCP-357 Procedure A sample of SCP-357 is molded into a box and placed upon an electronic scale. Before being allowed to set, the lid of the box, also molded from SCP-357, is placed on it. Details A mass increase is detected, exceeding the mass of the lid. Bissection of the box shows that it is now a solid mass of SCP-357. Experiment log 3573 Date undisclosed Subject one healthy ratus norvegicus Procedure A 5mm cubed sample of SCP-357 is placed inside the rat's food. The rat is to be monitored for 24 hours after ingestion or until death, at which point it is to be dissected. One hour after ingestion, SCP-357 is observed to be eliminated from the rat's digestive system. Soon after, the subject exhibits a pain response. The pain is observed to increase over time. Though the mass of the animal does not change, an increasing amount of SCP-357 is eliminated from its body, concluding with a continuous stream after three hours. Death occurs within minutes of this event. It reveals that the entire digestive tract has been converted into SCP-357 along with a number of surrounding organs. Death is believed to have been caused by blood loss. Experiment log 3574 Date undisclosed Subject one healthy ratus norvegicus Procedure Procedure is identical to experiment 3573. The subject is provided an intravenous supply of blood to prevent premature death. Details Observations up to the three hour mark match those of experiment 3573. The stream of SCP-357 extruded from the rat continues at a steady rate. After 30 more minutes, the subject becomes increasingly lethargic. 15 minutes later, death occurs. Experiment shows that much of the rat's viscera has been replaced with SCP-357 along with a significant portion of its muscle mass. Cause of death is determined to be due to conversion of part of the cardiac muscle into SCP-357. Experiment log 3575 Date undisclosed Subject SCP-357 in cryogenic conditions Procedure SCP-357 is placed into a liquid helium environment and mechanically compressed. Details A pressure of 100 Newtons per centimeter squared is applied to SCP-357. The sample is able to be compressed to only 0.01 millimeters cubed. While still compressed, the sample is allowed to return to room temperature. When pressure is removed, the sample immediately returns to a volume of 1 millimeter cubed. Experiment log 3576 Date undisclosed Subject SCP-357 in high temperature conditions Procedure SCP-357 is compressed to 1 millimeter cubed while at room temperature. The mechanism is then placed in a 1000 degree Celsius environment and then releases the sample. Details At a temperature of 750 degrees Celsius inside the compression mechanism, SCP-357 expands with sufficient force to damage it. 40 meters cubed of SCP-357 is produced within 10 seconds, fully engulfing the furnace, $50,000 worth of equipment, and two researchers. After one hour, the volume of the sample decreases to the equivalent of the absorbed matter. Object class has changed from safe to euclid. No further high-energy experiments are permitted, unless it can be definitively shown that a repeat of the incident will not occur. Experiment log 3577 Date undisclosed Subject SCP-357 Procedure A 1 millimeter cubed sample of SCP-357 is placed in a 40 meter cubed container. The ambient temperature is steadily increased in order to determine the material's rate of expansion from application of thermal energy. Details The experiment is still pending level 4 approval. Models of expansion and further information regarding safety procedures are needed from Dr. B before a decision can be made. Foundation Terminal Online Please enter login information and password. Hello, Dr. Collingwood. You have one new message from 05 Command This message is for Senior Researcher Isabel Collingwood's eyes only. Unauthorized access will result in mandatory amnestic treatment, demotion, and possible termination. Do you wish to continue? Access to this message requires a multimodal biometric ID scan. Submit to scan. Commencing facial recognition scan. Do not smile. Identity confirmed. Commencing retinal iris scan. Do not blink. Identity confirmed. Commencing palm print scan. Place right hand on pad. Identity confirmed. Scanning hand for implanted RFID tag remains still. Identity confirmed. Access granted. The time, date, and location of your receipt of this message has been reported to 05 Command. From 05 Command Subject 05-999 Clearance Hello, Dr. Collingwood. And congratulations on your new appointment as SCP-999's head researcher. One of the cushiest and most enviable assignments in the entire foundation. SCP-999 is one of the few anomalies in our custody who will not only never attempt to harm you, but will actively try to save your life if you're ever in danger. Though your initial reaction when receiving this assignment was no doubt elation, you may have thought it was odd that such a seemingly low-risk position was assigned by the 05 Council directly. If you had already heard rumors of this prior to your assignment, you probably thought it was mere nepotism. The 05's protecting their friends and loved ones by giving them the safest job possible. Unless you are so narcissistic to think that someone on the 05 Council must be your secret admirer, you've likely realized that this is not the case. To understand why this is our concern, you need to know about 09-99's origins. You may have noticed that its file makes no mention of where it was discovered. This is a deliberate omission. If you're not familiar with the mythology of the Scarlet King, I suggest you read up on him. There's plenty of unclassified information on him in the Foundation database. All that's relevant for now is that he is to the best of our knowledge, the most powerful malevolent entity in the multiverse. A good number of RSCPs are either abominations born by the rape of his own daughters, or are the creations of mortals he empowered, either directly or indirectly. You've been with us since you were a research assistant, Dr. Collingwood. In that time, I assume you've heard many rumors about some of the horrific things we do here at the Foundation that you've never personally witnessed. Perhaps rumors about an innocent young girl who was the victim of a satanic ritual, and what we were forced to do to her to prevent an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario. Maybe you've even heard someone whisper the words, 110 Montauk. I regret to inform you that these rumors are true. Or at least, they were. A thaumaturgical cult calling itself the Children of the Scarlet King enacted a ritual wherein seven young girls became effigies for each of the Scarlet King's seven brides, allowing them to bear his horrid offspring. How they obtained the knowledge to perform this ritual is unclear, since all we ever recovered were handwritten notebooks. Superficial resemblances to some sarkic practices, thaumaturgy, human sacrifice, body mutilation, and forming a pact with a cosmic entity has led some to speculate that the Children of the Scarlet King may have some ties to modern sarkic cults. It's an interesting idea, but no concrete evidence has ever been found to link the two. Investigation into the matter is ongoing. As for the ritual itself, each birth caused more destruction than the last. The writings of the cult's priest predicted nothing less than the apocalypse if the seventh bride gave birth, which could only be prevented if procedure 110 Montauk was performed without fail each and every day. To our seemingly great fortune, the notebook contained detailed instructions on how 110 Montauk was to be carried out. Needless to say, we found this suspiciously convenient. Why would they devise a countermeasure to prevent the very apocalypse they were trying to invoke? We needed more information regarding these entities. Fortunately, our archaeologists have unearthed numerous tablets, scrolls, and artifacts of the ancient Devas. They were a sadistic and warmongering people who were granted unholy power and knowledge by the Scarlet King as a reward for the death and suffering they caused. One of the David tablets in our possession, found covered in dust and blood, was a theogony for the Scarlet King and his brides. It was quite informative. The information that we found most relevant to our situation was that the seventh bride was not like her sisters. She was never completely broken by her king's subjugation. Instead of monsters, she gave birth to great heroes in the hopes that they would destroy her sisters' children and overthrow their father. Thus far, all have failed. But by a vote of seven in favor, six against. Admittedly more out of concern for procedure 110 Montauk's lack of viability as a long-term containment strategy done out of empathy for the girl. The O5 council decided to believe that the seventh bride still remained unbroken and that her child would be an asset to us. At the risk of causing an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario, SCP-217 was relieved from procedure 110 Montauk following the deaths of SCP-211 through 6 and was allowed to give birth. SCP-999 was the result. Go ahead and read that again. Be sure you understand it in all its preposterous ridiculousness. The tickle monster is the child of the Scarlet King. We've been running a counterintelligence campaign ever since, which is why everyone in their mother thinks we've still got a prepubescent girl strapped to a rape rack in a bunker somewhere. Let them think that. Far better for everyone that the children of the Scarlet King believe that they're playing us for fools than for them to know that there is a threat to their king. The girl herself is fine, by the way. She was cured of the trauma from her ordeal by SCP-999, at which point it was decided she could be returned to her family, so long as they were all given class F amnestics, implanted with new identities, and relocated to a town at least 1,000 kilometers away from the children of the Scarlet King's nearest known activity. On the insistence of the Ethics Committee, the family was also given a seven-figure payout as compensation for our repeated misdeeds against their daughter, as were the families of the other SCP-231s. I suppose it was technically malpractice on our part. In case we have any moles for the children of the Scarlet King in the foundation, as far as anyone else knows, 231-7's family were killed in front of her as part of 110 Montauk. I'm sure you're skeptical. Are we insane? How could our sweet little tickle monster ever hope to dethrone all of crafty and horror of unparalleled might? Well, SCP-999 is less than a decade old. It's still just a child, and nowhere near its full strength. Even so, its power is incredible. Even brief interaction with SCP-999 can permanently cure severe depression in PTSD, and more recent experiments have resulted in the complete reformation of D-Class personnel who were previously unrepentant sociopaths. This effect is not chemical, but psychic, and one day, it may grow powerful enough that not even the Scarlet King himself will be immune. The experiment with SCP-682 was most remarkable. Based on multiple Dayvite texts, including descriptions from SCP-140 itself, we are reasonably certain that 682 is the offspring of the fourth Scarlet Bride. If this is true, then SCP-999 is already strong enough to temporarily quell the malevolence of its own eldritch siblings. One day, 999 could very well be strong enough to permanently reform its family members, just as it reforms human beings. It will not overthrow the Scarlet King by force, but with light, and love, and laughter that can brighten the blackest of hearts. 999 is not, in reality, a safe-class SCP. It is Thaumiel. It is the best, and really, the only weapon we have against some of the most powerful hostile entities known to exist. By all means, Doctor, enjoy the relative safety of your new position, but do keep in mind that SCP-999 is not a mere pet that we fancy. It is one of our most valuable assets, and must be safeguarded at all costs. Its safety and well-being are paramount, and you are not at liberty to share this information to anyone without level 5 slash 999 security clearance. As per protocol, unauthorized disclosure of level 5 classified information will result in your termination. This email will automatically delete as soon as you leave the terminal, so feel free to re-read it as many times as necessary to remember all of the pertinent information. Take good care of our little tickle monster. The fate of the multiverse may well depend on it. Your secret admirer, if anyone asks, 05- SCP-999 Message deleted. You have zero unread messages. Logging off. Goodbye. Warning! Containment breach detected. All Foundation staff members report to the affected cell immediately. SCP-999 has broken out of SCP Foundation control and is now in our world. For reasons as of yet unknown, SCP-999 has changed form, morphing into an 11-inch huggable, squeezable plush variant of itself, and has apparently started multiplying to millions over a small period of time via data-expunged fission. SCP orientation trainees and civilians all over the world are now able to bring SCP-999, the tickle monster, into their own home. Tickle monster plushes are available for pre-order now, and all orders made in the next 10 days also get a special limited first edition card. Worldwide shipping is available, so go to scpswag.com right now and pre-order your own tickle monster right now. And remember, secure, contain, and protect your tickle monster at all costs. Item number SCP-447 Object Class Safe Special Containment Procedures SCP-447-1 is to be kept within a 50-gallon clear plastic container at all times, monitored by camera by a security level 3 or higher staff member to prevent overflow. Areas to be maintained at level 1 clean room status, to prevent contamination by foreign matter at a site at least 10 kilometers from any cemetery, morgue, or mortuary. Under no circumstances is SCP-447 to be allowed to come into contact with dead bodies. Because SCP-447-1 constantly excretes a viscous greenish slime, designated SCP-447-2, at a rate of approximately 10 cc an hour, a class D personnel and good physical condition is to be detailed to harvest the excreted slime at least once per day. SCP-447-2 can be harvested using any appropriate equipment, so long as safety procedures are carefully adhered to in order to prevent on-site fatalities. Slime can be transported in an ordinary sealed glass or plastic container through any standard mode of transportation, provided that there is no risk of the slime coming into contact with a dead body en route. Although malodorous, the slime harvested from SCP-447-1 is non-toxic, non-corrosive, and non-radioactive. It is, in fact, perfectly safe, so long as it does not come into contact with a dead body. The slime is edible, and reportedly makes a good salad dressing. Adding 10 cc of SCP-447-2 to 1 gallon of gasoline improves fuel efficiency by 150%. Furthermore, SCP-447-2 can be refined into a useful lubricant, approved for use at all SCP Foundation installations, so long as said lubricant is never used to lubricate dead bodies. All staff assigned to SCP-447 are to be screened by polygraph for any suicidal, necrophilic, or homicidal tendencies. In addition, all staff assigned to SCP-447 must be in good health and good physical condition, and must adhere to on-site safety regulations at all times. This is to minimize the risk of SCP-447, or its generated slime coming into contact with a dead body. Description SCP-447-1 is a green sphere, approximately 5 cm in diameter, with a spongy surface texture, and a weight of 1.37 kg. The object is warm to the touch, approximately the same temperature as a human body, although its core temperature is slightly higher. Personnel handling SCP-447-1 have reported no adverse effects, so long as SCP-447-1 does not come into contact with a dead body. SCP-447 was retrieved by Foundation agents on in the city of California, United States of America. The incident clearly illustrates the danger inherent in allowing either SCP-447 unit to come into contact with a dead body. The dangers of allowing SCP-447-1 or 2 to come into contact with dead bodies have been clearly documented. Detailed eyewitness reports can be found in Appendix-447-B prior incidents. To summarize, however, initial effects include data expunged per 05 level directive. Research into this field forbidden upon pain of immediate termination or demotion to Class D. Please contact your supervisor for more details. Addendum 447A SCP-447 downgraded from Keter to Safe so long as security measures are in place to prevent SCP-447 from coming into contact with dead bodies. Please see Experiment Log 447A for further potential applications of SCP-447. Experiment Log 447A Experiment Log for SCP-447-2 Approved by 05 Project Head Dr. A. Cleff Date Expunged Test Subject SCP-882 Procedure SCP-447-2 was refined into a lubricant. SCP-882 was temporarily removed from its seawater bath and SCP-447-2 applied his lubricant to all joints and connections. Results Although SCP-447-2 was successful in reducing grinding and noise by 50%, it was also successful in removing rust from the structure. SCP-882 was immediately returned to its seawater bath, and staff on hand were placed in quarantine for examination. Notes Let's not try that again, shall we? Dr. A. Cleff Date Expunged Test Subject One guinea pig purchased from Pet Shop Procedure Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five minutes. Care was taken to keep the subject's head above the level of the fluid to prevent the death of the test subject. Results Subjects fur became saturated with the fluid. Test item required several hours of grooming to remove SCP-447-2 from its fur. No further deleterious effects reported. Notes After careful washing to remove all traces of SCP-447-2 from its fur, subject was subsequently consumed by Agent R, who is of Peruvian descent. Said Agent reported that the meat was, in his own words, the best kuyi I've ever had. Approval for testing of SCP-447-2 as a marinade is currently on hold. Pending review of whether or not a steak constitutes a dead body. Date Expunged Test Subject One tablet SCP-500 Procedure Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five minutes. Results In addition to curing all diseases, subject now also leaves the patient's breath feeling minty fresh. Notes About what was expected. Seriously guys, what were you thinking would happen? Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test Subject SCP-76-2 Procedure 500 milliliters of SCP-447-2 was added to 500 milliliters distilled vodka and two dozen ice cubes, shaken well and strained into a pitcher. Approximately 0.2 liters of the mixture report into a glass with mint and a lime garnish. Mixture was taken to SCP-76-2 who was told, A. Abel, try this, it's pretty good. Results SCP-76-2 agreed that the mixture was, in his words, refreshing, but immediately lost interest when told of SCP-447-2's interaction with dead bodies. Notes Because of SCP-76-2's tendency to become and or create dead bodies, further contact with SCP-447 is forbidden. Date Expunged Test Subject One Pentium-4 computer, 1.5 GHz, with data expunged. Procedure Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five minutes with the power cord unplugged. Results Subject became caked in goo and no longer functions. Notes Whoever came up with this one should be kicked in the head. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test Subject SCP-63 Procedure Dr. W. W. W. used SCP-447 instead of toothpaste to brush his teeth with SCP-63. Results Given that Dr. W. W. W. W. doesn't need to use toothpaste to begin with, not much really. Notes What is with you people? Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test Subject One Dead Body Notes Test was aborted. The scientist who made the proposal has been reassigned as class D personnel. Notes 2 Seriously guys, how hard is it to understand? No Dead Bodies None Nada Nine Don't think about it. Don't joke about it. And most certainly, don't do it. C.S. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test Subject Dr. A. Clef Procedure Dr. A. Clef was ambushed in the hallway, dragged into a room with a bathtub full of SCP-447-2, and immersed for approximately 25 seconds. Results Subject became irate, and threatened to kill staff members carrying out the experiment, if it were not for the fact that doing so would violate experimental protocol. Notes As soon as this mess is cleaned up, you will all be missed. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test Subject Potassium Nitrate Sugar Mix Procedure A spoonful of SCP-447 was added to the mix of potassium nitrate and sugar, in order to make a makeshift smoke grenade. Results Not only did the new mix slow down the combustion in such a way that the generated smoke was 10 times greater and lasted approximately 5 minutes longer than the original mix, but it also colored the smoke with a green tint, and left it with a minty smell. Notes Not bad for a $3 smoke grenade. Although this wouldn't work so well in the field, the odds of the smoke reaching a dead body are just too high. Date Expunged Test Subject Professor Snyder Procedure Two drops One microliter each of SCP-447, one in each of Professor Snyder's eyes. Note that Professor Snyder has an astigmatism, and normally wears corrective eyewear. Results Vision was clear and focused for six hours, though Professor Snyder reported to now see everything in a green tint. Subject's eyesight soon returned to normal, though both eyes are now a much more brilliant green than before. Notes Oh well, I look better with my glasses anyway. Professor Snyder Notes 2 This might be marketable as vision correction, but people might notice the extra green. Regardless, I'd like to request a couple of leaders of this stuff for personal use. Agent Maher Date Expunged Test Subject 8 oz 236 ml glass of skim milk Procedure Two teaspoons 10 ml of SCP-447 thoroughly stirred into milk. Results Milk turned a bright green in color and was slightly thicker, with a slight minty flavor. Chemical analysis later indicated that the concoction was now lactose-free. Notes You know, we might be able to market this stuff. I'm pretty sure dead bodies don't drink milk. Professor Snyder Date Expunged Test Subject 15 lbs 6.8 kg Quick dry cement Procedure Cement powder in 5 gallons or 19 liters of SCP-447 rotated inside a standard miniature cement mixer. Results Mixture took on a green tinge and solidified to a hardness 50% greater than normal concrete, though it took twice as long to dry. Notes It seems promising, but it's time consuming to make, and the risks of a dead body falling on a slab of this stuff is too high. Professor Snyder Date Expunged Test Subject Two cups of water 475 ml Procedure One tablespoon 15 ml of SCP-447 thoroughly stirred into water. Results Water turned a green tint, but is otherwise normal. Contaminants reduced by 78%. Notes This would make a good chlorine substitute for swimming pools. All the cleanliness of chlorinated water without the bleachy smell or hair discoloration. Too bad some swimmers are careless and turn into dead bodies. Dr. Ray A Date Expunged Test Subject One pizza produced by SCP-458 Procedure One small sauce cup of SCP-447-2 is held in one hand by Agent Palinac, while the other holds SCP-458. Results No outward change in the composition of SCP-447-2 is evident. SCP-458 produced a hamburger pizza on a cheese stuffed crust. After dipping a slice in SCP-447-2 and ingesting, Agent Palinac noted the taste of the substance was like a creamy Italian dressing. Following his consumption of the pizza, Agent Palinac's breath was said to be minty fresh. He then proceeded to hoard the pizza box to himself for a few hours. Notes Though this brings up new indication into the nature of SCP-458, nothing remarkable has come to attention from this, other than Pal's tendency to overeat. Slight psychological therapy may be in order. Dr. Del Marino I'd suggest remarking this stuff as a dressing, but people eating lots of pizza on a regular basis tend to become dead bodies, so... Agent Palinac Date Expunged Test subject One cellular phone Procedure Phone is placed in one small plastic container holding one liter of SCP-447-2 and left to sit for five minutes with power off and battery disconnected. Results Phone is ruined and subsequently destroyed in a nearby furnace. The ashes and fumes from the burning phone were reported to be green and minty in scent. Notes Hey, has anyone seen my phone? Agent Palinac Date Expunged Test subject One Trojan condom Procedure Dr. A placed the condom on his data expunged and applied SCP-447-2 onto it. He then tested the SCP-447-2 covered condom by data expunged. Results Data Expunged Dr. A reports that the procedure, quote, went really well. Notes I could market this as that kind of lubricant, but I don't think a warning label is enough to ensure that some necrophilia doesn't use it on a dead body. Dr. A Date Expunged Test subject Three cars One 2006 Honda Civic One 06 Dodge Stratus One 06 Chevy Malibu Procedure SCP-447 was used as liquids in each vehicle, mixed equally with oil, used as window washer fluid, and mixed into the radiator. Results Each car had each liquid added individually. The various components of each engine performed with superb results. The Honda's radiator did not overheat until temperatures reached an excess of 340 degrees Celsius, more than twice the average temperature of a vehicle. The water seemed to be tinted green, even after being drained. The Stratus's windshield was cleaned to factory new perfection, and resisted dirt and grime after use. Side effect described as green tinted glass. The Malibu's engine components were lubricated to perfection, and lasted over 160,000 miles on a dynamometer. Exhaust was tinted green. Notes Impressive, but given the intelligence of some drivers, the chance of dead bodies contaminating the sample is too high. Dr. Axe Date Expunged Test subject One roll of duct tape Procedure SCP-447 was applied to the adhesive side of a strip of duct tape, which was subsequently attached to a cement brick. Results Tape had bonded to the cement with twice the strength expected of a normal strip. Cement brick was left with a green stain in the shape of the strip of tape. Notes This could be marketable, but with all the possible uses for duct tape comes the even greater risk of coming into contact with dead bodies. Dr. Slav Date Expunged Test subject Nuclear reactor at site Procedure During the regular maintenance The leaders of SCP-447-2 were added to the moderator material in the reactor. Results The moderation of neutrons was increased by leading to very high thermal output and temperature alarms being activated. The reactor's chamber gained a green tinge and faint mint smell. Notes Effective, but the chance of an explosion in radioactive slime reaching dead bodies over a large area is too high. Dr. Kotska Notes 2 Dr. Kotska has been incarcerated and sent to a corrective facility for unauthorized and extremely dangerous testing. 05 Date Expunged Test subject One Colt Python revolver with an 8 inch barrel Procedure Gun was taken apart for regular cleaning. The cleaning cloth was put in a small tub of SCP-447-2 and soaked for 5 minutes. Cleaned as normally would. Lubrication replaced with SCP-447-2 Results Gun fired with a 35% reduction in recoil. Testing found bullets fired had their maximum speed increased by nearly 210%. And acceleration increased by 55%. Accuracy was increased by 3.7% at close range and by 486% at maximum range. Max range was also increased by 40%. Gun smoke was green in tint. Interestingly, unspent ammunition put into the gun were stated to smell minty and had a green tint. Despite this, when these bullets were removed and fired from another gun, said gun did not receive any benefits. Notes The more testing we do, the more I begin to wonder how more advanced technology would be. If only this damned dead body cursed didn't exist. This stuff would benefit us in so many ways. This test shows that guns would become extremely efficient. But then again, guns are used to kill people. So you will run into a dead guy at some point. Notes 2 I suppose we could use this in a combat situation, but only as a last resort. And even then we'd have to be careful. Dr. Clinton Date Expunged Test subject One liter of candle wax Procedure Wax was added to SCP-447-2 and a 2 to 1 ratio of wax to SCP-447-2. A candle wick was dipped into the wax to create a candle. Results The candle gave off 50% more light at a distance of 10 meters and also gave off a strong smell of mint as it burned. However, the candle burnt out in roughly half the time of a candle made solely out of wax and was far more difficult to extinguish, requiring a CO2 fire extinguisher to put out. Notes While it may seem like a good idea to market it, the mint smell was far too strong to the point of being nauseating. The candle also burns out too quickly to be used as a source of light as well. I suppose you could use it as an air freshener, but seeing how dangerous fire can be and how hard it is to put out. Well, let's just say there's a good chance of it coming into contact with a dead body somewhere down the line. Date Expunged Test subject SCP-586 Procedure 10 ml of SCP-447-2 was directly applied to SCP-586 Results No noticeable cha-chas to structure, composition, or effect of SCP-586 were noted. However, SCP-586 became more violently luminescent in its shade of gray and was reported afterwards to smell strongly of mint. Notes I see no point in continuing this line of zesting, but it is safe. Very little chance of dank bodies here. Dr. Date Expunged Test subject SCP-914 Procedure One liter of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container was placed in SCP-914 and refined on the rough setting. Results 10 cylindrical glass containers All exactly one-tenth the mass of the original container, each holding 100 ml of SCP-447-2. Notes Well, what did you expect? Dr. Date Expunged Test subject SCP-914 Procedure One liter of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container was placed in SCP-914 and refined on the coarse setting. Results One liter of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container All SCP-447-2 recovered in this manner gradually degraded to an unknown fluid with similar composition to Terciops truncatus with a half-life of two hours. Notes After most of it is sufficiently degraded, I suggest this new fluid be run through similar tests as were conducted before. Dr. Notes 2 Agent R, head cook at site, reports that this new fluid has a simple and rustic, yet surprisingly compelling flavor and has requested five liters for culinary use. Request denied Date Expunged Test subject SCP-914 Procedure One liter of SCP-447-2 in a cylindrical glass container was placed in SCP-914 and refined on the one-to-one setting. Results A dead body Notes Further cross-testing of SCP-447-2 with SCP-914 has been enjoined by order of 05 Date Expunged Test subject Two liters of brand paint primer Procedure 250 milliliters of SCP-447-2 was mixed thoroughly into the paint primer. Results The primer took on a green hue and started to smell minty. The resulting paint was approximately 200% more opaque when compared to a different can of primer. Notes This would be marketed in home improvement stores, but the chances of a dead body coming into contact with painted surfaces is too high, plus the smell of mint is overpowering when a whole room is painted with the primer. Date Expunged Test subject One pair of Adidas brand running shoes Size 12 Procedure Ten liters of SCP-447-2 was poured into a standard hardware store bucket. The pair of Adidas shoes were submerged in SCP-447-2 for five minutes and removed. Shoes were then applied to researcher Ortiz's feet. Results Rubber and sole increased by 37% in density, allowing subject to run slightly faster. Shoelaces became 13% more rigid, slightly decreasing the chance of the knot coming unraveled. Shoes emitted a minty scent. Notes We could market this as some kind of shoe conditioner, but I seem to be aware of the fact that many dead bodies wear shoes. Researcher Ortiz Date Expunged Test subject A variety of clothing belonging to Dr. Levy Procedure 100ml of SCP-447-2 was used as a substitute for fabric conditioner and a washing machine. Dr. Levy's clothes were washed for 30 minutes after which the clothes were dried and worn by Dr. Levy. Results The clothing seemed more resistant to rips and tears, as well as shrinking. Dr. Levy reported that the clothes felt more comfortable than before. Clothes took on a slight green tinge, as well possessing a slightly minty smell. Notes We could market this as a fabric conditioner, though some people might not like the green tinge and the smell. Plus, there's the problem that dead bodies are often clothed. Dr. Levy Date Expunged Test subject Dr. Heykilla's hand Procedure A drop of SCP-447-2 was placed on the back of the subject's hand via an eyedropper. Results Dr. Heykilla proceeded to slap a nearby researcher across the face. The researcher said that they had a minty taste in their mouth after being slapped. Dr. Heykilla proceeded to do the same to someone else, but the effect had worn off. Notes First of all, why? Second of all, why did we let him do it? Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test subject A ballpoint pen Procedure The ink cartridge was infused with 0.5 milliliters of SCP-447-2. Results Anything written with the pen became approximately 27% clearer and gained a greenish tint. A slight minty smell also started emanating from the ink. Notes This could be great to market to children. Scented pens And I don't think there's much of a likelihood of it coming into contact with dead bodies, although you can never be too safe. Dr. Aherna Date Expunged Test subject 111045 T5 wire stripper Procedure Metal portion of subject was submerged in SCP-447-2 for 30 seconds and used to strip 12 AWG copper NMS cable. Results Any installation was easily peeled off regardless of improper use of the tool, but stuck to the T5s and had to be removed by hand. Notes This would make the lives of new electricians so much easier. Unfortunately, they could be careless and get shocked to death while holding on to this. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test subject One standard-sized tub of Legos Procedure Tub was filled and submerged in SCP-447-2 for one minute and used to create a variety of items. Results Builders state that the directions just kind of come to us. We don't even need to look at the manual. Bricks also turned lime green and have a faint mint smell. Notes The only reason I say we shouldn't market this is the fact that a small child could choke on it. Then we have an entire new thing to deal with. Dr. Markman Formally requesting this tub for recreational use. They're really addicting. Dr. Sanders Accepted Have fun Dr. Markman Date Expunged Test subject One of each foundation security keycard tier leading up to four. Procedure Keycards were left to dip in SCP-447-2 for one hour, then tested on pre-made keycard testing doors. Results All keycards had their numbers erased and replaced with the level two tiers above their own. All cards performed with their respective new numbers. Notes Requesting an extra level four keycard and one liter of SCP-447-2 Dr. Sanders No Dr. Markman Date Expunged Test subject Two AA batteries Procedure Batteries were submerged in SCP-447-2 for 30 minutes, then inserted into Dr. Clinton's flashlight, which was then shown until batteries were out of power. Results Both batteries lasted roughly 28% longer than usual and were tinted a light green. The light from the flashlight was also a light green. Notes All right, this we can probably use. Pretty sure dead bodies can't use batteries, but uh someone may want to make sure that the green light doesn't have the same properties as the normal slime. Dr. Clinton Nope, batteries have a tendency to cause dead bodies when around babies. Dr. Engelhardt Date Expunged Test subject 10 M202A1 Flash Rockets Procedure Rockets were coated in SCP-447-2 for 50 minutes, loaded into an M202A1 flash to test explosion size, flame duration, and accuracy. Results The explosion size remained the same. The flame's post detonation lasted 10% longer, along with having a greenish tint. No temperature difference noted, no difference in accuracy. Notes Well, the accuracy of it isn't improved because it's not the rocket launcher itself, it's the rockets. Weapons Researcher Person Weapons Researcher Person It is requested that you not do this again. Weapons have a way of creating dead bodies. Actually, wait a moment. How did you even get in? With a weapon? Senior Researcher I have my ways. Weapons Researcher Person Date Expunged Test subject One Earn Procedure Earn was polished on the inside and outside with a mix of polish and SCP-447-2 at a 3 to 1 ratio. Results Experiment was interrupted just as ashes from a dead body were about to be put in. Notes Ashes from dead bodies are dead bodies too. I don't care how curious you are, but no ashes from dead bodies. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test subject SCP-999 Procedure SCP-999 was submerged in SCP-447-2 for 2 minutes. Results SCP-999 exhibited a green tint for 5 hours. And, in addition to curing depression, gave the subject green eyes. Notes SCP-999 looked pretty cool, and we may be able to do this again. We could even reconsider marketing it as an antidepressant. Dr. Fall No Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test subject One Katana Procedure The Katana was submerged in SCP-447-2 for 5 minutes. Results The Katana emerged with a distinct green tinge to the blade. Dr. Clef confiscated the Katana before any tests could be conducted on its performance. Notes Are you maniacs trying to give me a nervous breakdown? The whole point of a sword is to kill people. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test subject One vial of SCP-447-2 aged 30 days. Procedure The vial was submerged in SCP-447-2 for 5 minutes. After that period of time, the vial was removed. The contents poured onto the top of the SCP-447-2 solution for 5 minutes. Results Vial was tightly sealed. It's simultaneously easy to remove. The solution within the vial turned a bright green and gave off an extremely minty odor, now designated as SCP-447-3. Notes I really thought this was going to go nowhere. Maybe you slack-jawed yokels have some sort of a brain in that FedEx box of a head. Have the solution of 447-3 sent to my office. I would like to personally conduct an experiment with it. Dr. A. Clef Date Expunged Test subject Two $1 bills USD Procedure One vial was submerged in a cup of SCP-447-2 for 5 minutes. The other submerged for the same amount of time within a cup of SCP-447-3, referenced above. Results The bills submerged in SCP-447-2 became a US $100 bill. The bills submerged within SCP-447-3 became a US $2,500 bill, which, according to the US Hall of Records, never existed, yet is completely usable in a marketplace environment. The bill was removed from circulation shortly after by an MTF team, by command of Dr. A. Clef. Notes Why would you send that into circulation? Who knows what could happen to that bill out there? Dr. A. Clef Ooh, I wonder what we can do with this 447-3 stuff. Maybe we could make better and better liquid, like inception. Dr. Bright Request denied. We're playing with forces we don't understand here, Jack. Dr. A. Clef Dr. Bright Date Expunged Test Subject A copy of The Phantom Toll Booth Procedure Book was immersed in SCP-447-2 for 20 seconds. Results Book became green and gained a minty smell. Notes I realized a bit too late that paper might constitute as the dead body of a tree. We really dodged a bullet on that one. Still, let's not try to push the envelope any further. Dr. Norms