 Out of the station, we open our newspaper to the March of Events and City Life section, a section of wit and humor that appears in hearse Sunday newspapers throughout the country. Here we find the writings of America's foremost laugh provokers, O. O. McIntyre, Sam Hellman, Will Rogers, Arthur Bugsbear, Milt Gross. There are also sparkling cartoons by the leading humorous artists of the day, a million dollars worth of mirth and merriment. So what's this we have at the top of the page? A cartoon showing a reception room of a business office. An attractive girl is seated at a desk, and an eager young man with a book under his arm has just come in. I'd like to see Mr. Wallington. I'm afraid you can't do that. You see he is. Yes, but it's very important. Important to Mr. Wallington, I mean. I'm sure Mr. Wallington wouldn't be interested. You see... But I'm certain that he would be interested. I know all about Mr. Wallington. He's a very farsighted and ambitious man, always looking for anything that will broaden his viewpoint. I have a book here that will do just that. Oh, so that's it. You're a book agent. Well, not exactly. I represent the self-advancement company, Incorporated, and we have compiled a book entitled Self-Help, which gives the secret of all six... There's no use of your wasting your time. You see, Mr. Wallington has just done something that... I don't care what he has just done. Whatever it is, this book will help him do it better. You think so? I know so. Just tell me what he did, and I'll prove that he could do it better. Well, he just jumped out of the window. Love calls! Places in this world, but you never heard of one as tough as Rufftown. Arthur Bugsbear tells all about it in the March of Events and City Life section of the Hearst Sunday newspapers. The heavyweight champion of Rufftown is a guy named Wallamann, but just now a pall of anxiety hangs heavily over the town. Wallamann has been missing for several days. Let's hear what news there is today. I'm very spiteful, Papa Dell. Well, what are you supposed to hear? Well, the last anybody seen of him, he was playing leapfrog over the Rocky Mountains, just to get in shape. Well, maybe he stubbed his toe on one of them peaks and fell on a snowdrift. I thought of that, so I sent a pack of St. Bernard dogs up there with kegs of cognac around their necks. Yeah, did they find anything? We don't know yet. The dogs ain't come back. Hey, hey, what was that? That sounds like a dog barking. Now listen to that. You're right. There they come down the street. There's the St. Bernard's I sent out after Wallamann. Come here, dogs. Come here. There's something funny about this. What's becoming the kegs they had around their necks? Well, there's something tied around that ones, Nick. Hey, come here, puppy. Looks like a note. Yeah, there is a note. What's it say? It's from Wallamann. It says, thanks for the snifter. I enjoyed it very much. If you don't mind, please send up an elephant with a wine list. It is written by Sam Hellman in the Hearst Sunday Newspapers in all parts of the United States. The updykes are very mysterious people, the mystery being how they ever got away from their keeper. But here they are. We'll let you form your own conclusions. Hail, my sweet. What do we have on for tonight? Stranges that may seem, my sweet. We're going to the opera. Pardon me. I guess I wasn't listening. It sounded as if you said we were going to the opera. That's exactly what I did say. Mrs. Flugelman just called up and said we could have heard that for the opera. I have heard the opera. I resent that. You resent what, my sweet? I resent the idea that I would occupy a box that had previously been occupied by other people. Oh, so the Flugelman's box isn't good enough for you. Is that it? I've got nothing against the box. To be perfectly frank, I'd be glad to sit in it. They'd just move it out to the opera house. The trouble with you is that you're just a born Bulgarian. What do you mean, Bulgarian? I eat lots of meat. Aren't you thinking of vegetarian? As a matter of fact, I wasn't. I was thinking about an opera I wrote myself when I was a mere boy. What opera did you ever write, my sweet? What was it called? That's just the trouble. I couldn't think of a name for it. Oh, wait a minute. It seems to me the fellow I tried to sell it to suggested a name. What name did he suggest? I'm sorry, but it's nothing I could tell you over the radio. I'm not surprised. I should think you try to forget such products of your misguided youth. Yeah, that's a nice attitude to take. Always holding my past against me. Always holding your past against you, my youth. Oh, you are. Don't be silly. In the first place, how could I tell your misguided youth from your present condition? In the Hearst Sunday newspapers recently, Ovo McIntyre told what goes on behind the scenes in one of those strange marriages that takes place every now and then among the literary and artistic folks. Now, while these marriages may seem strange to us, some of them at least have greater lasting powers than the conventional ones. At any rate, here's what happened while a long-absent friend was visiting the husband. It's great to see you after all these years. You old rascal, still a bachelor, aren't you? Oh, yes. I guess I'm out of luck for life. What's the matter? Are you nursing a broken heart? Oh, no, no. I guess I'm just afraid of the sacred institution of matrimony. By the way, where's your wife? Oh, she's home, I guess. I never met her, you know. I hope to see her while I'm here. I'll get her to have us over to dinner sometime. You'll get her to what? We don't live together, you know. Oh, I'm sorry, old man. I didn't know. That's quite too bad. What's too bad? Why, we get on famously, more in love than ever. Are you spoofing? Of course not. We never did live together. We just stayed the way we were when we were courting. I have my apartment and she has hers. But why such a strange arrangement? Nothing strange about it to us. Areas paints and I write. We have our separate interests and our separate moods, so we just keep our private lives separate and keep them getting on each other's nerves. But, uh, but when do you see each other? Oh, very often. I was over to her place only last night. She was giving a dinner party. But that wasn't very private, was it? No, but Areas asked me to come as a special favor. Special favor? Yes, she was giving this dinner party and needed an extra man. All aboard. Next stop, Will Rogers. Will Rogers writes with equally brilliant wit on every subject under the sun. That's one of the reasons why his articles in the Hearst Sunday newspapers have their ever-increasing following. The other day, Will was discussing aviation and told the story of a round-the-world flyer who landed back home after a particularly hazardous flight. We re-enact the conversation that took place between the flyer and a reporter. A few questions for me. Not at all, far away. I understand that aviation has reached the point where crossing the Atlantic is just duck soup. Is that so? I'll say it is. Unless you're lucky, it's exactly like flying through a mess of thick, gooey duck soup. That isn't quite what I meant. What do you consider the most difficult part of your flight? Was it when your oil feed line froze up? Well, that is kind of bad, but I had more difficult things than that happen. You mean when you made that forced landing up in Alaska? Well, that is plenty tough, but I've done more difficult things than that. Perhaps you refer to the time that you had to live 14 days on free chocolate bars? No, even that couldn't be called my most difficult problem. Well, what was your most difficult problem? Well, I should say it was trying to get some sleep after I landed up in Alaska. What kept you away? Well, you see, it was so cold, I had to sleep in my flying suit. Well, didn't that keep you warm enough? No, I was toast, but you see, my flying suit had zippers on it. What about it? Well, the Eskimos had never seen zippers before, and while I was trying to sleep, they kept zipping them up and down. Gross has created a lot of famous characters, but none has a greater following than Joe Runt, whose life story runs in her Sunday newspapers from the Atlantic to the Pacific. Joe is the kind of a trusting, good-natured guy who hangs on every word his boss says. The other day, he heard the boss raving about a trip to the scenes of his childhood. So right away, Joe decides to take a trip back to the scenes of his own childhood, and that's where we find him now, paying a call on his boyhood sweetheart, whose name is Epi. Gee, Epi, it's kind of nice to see you again after all these years. Oh, don't mention it, Joey. I didn't mind waiting a bit. Do you remember how I used to pull your pigtails back in a little red schoolhouse? Oh, that's why you look so different now. I haven't got a black eye, Joey. Gee, do you remember how I used to lead the old village choir? They never did quite catch up with you, did they? And I'll never forget how we used to go down to that old village blacksmith under the spreading chestnut tree. And neither will I, Joey. It was all I could do to keep the blacksmith and putting shoes on you. Ah, gee, Epi. I often wish I had married you instead of Mrs. Runt. Oh, Joey, say, you ain't married yet, are you? Sure I am. Here's a picture right here in my watch. Oh, what's the matter, Epi? You look so sad. Will you excuse me a minute, Joey? I've got to make a phone call. Why, sure, Epi. Hello, Operati. Give me maypole 6431, ring two. Uh-huh. Hello, is that you, Clara? Mm-hmm. This is Epi. Mm-hmm. Remember that bet we made about 20 years ago? Yeah, that's it. Well, you win, Clara. Young Runt did get a wife. The Club Car Special goes its merry ways, scattering a cargo of laughs and chuckles everywhere. There is a continuation of this program awaiting you in the March of Events and City Life section of the Hearst Sunday newspaper and published in your community. There you will find long articles of laugh-provoking comedy written by the nation's leading humorists, Will Rogers, O. O. McIntyre, Bugs Faire, Milt Gross, Sam Helman, and others. No other newspaper provides such a wealth of comedy for your amusement. Follow these articles each week and keep in tune with the best and latest humor of the day. There are ripped tickling cartoons also. Remember, there is a full page of articles written by the nation's most noted humorists in the March of Events and City Life section in the Hearst Sunday newspapers. The Club Car Special program is scheduled to reach your home again at this same station next week at the same time. Be sure to tune in for another 15 minutes of chuckles.