 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic are many even capable, capable of a serious commitment. The truth. The truth. Wait a minute. Let's go like this. The truth. Okay really quickly. If the content here resonates with you and you're interested in speaking to me directly, check out the link to schedule a free discovery call to see if working with the coaches right for you. Okay that the truth about men are they the truth are they really capable of a serious commitment. Okay a few days ago I shot a video about the skill night this one skill gains 99% of men's respect and in that I shared with you a little bit of the dysfunctionality of men today especially men at midlife. So if you follow my work my specialty is midlife which is after baby making years and before retirement. So if you're 42 to 69 you're in the right place. Although younger people follow my work and get a lot of value from it as well. But I shared a graph and so I'm going to share it again today and I want you to take a look at this. Okay and it says 10% 10% 40% and 40%. Now I just want you to look this first 10 this half first. Okay roughly about 10% of men have clinical issues. I mean they've got some real cynical issue clinical issues. They're narcissists, they're sociopaths, they're passive-aggressive, they're bipolar, they're you know borderline personality and it's probably even greater than that but that's why I've been really deep clinical issues and then it it kind of goes like this. Okay and this is because a significant because most human beings have suffered childhood wounds and traumas childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that have caused them serious mental and emotional issues in their lives. In fact I always say the number one emotional health issue is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable I'm not likeable and if you're not familiar with inner child work then I definitely want you to check out the book called the Hoffman process for yourself and for understanding why men are in this space because the main reason why someone can't commit is because their emotional traumas are causing them to not be able to get out of them their own issues and be able to take on a partner in their life. Let me repeat that they're so stuck in their own issues that they can't take a partner in their life. Now this other this 10% these are the guys that got their shit together they've healed their wounds they're they they're introspective in that sort of thing and then there's another 40% that's leaning into this they're leaning into it okay they're on their way but sadly most men are only capable of putting in so much and I say most is because 50% or more are struggling and yet you're wondering well why do they even want a relationship because most human beings want companionship they want connection I just spit by the way they want companionship they want connection they want sex but their capacity to actually lean into a serious commitment is very challenging for them. This is why if you're not familiar with the work of Esther Perrell check out mating in captivity and watch her videos she explains why 80% of relationships don't work out just Google in YouTube Esther Perrell and 80% of relationships fail. She did a podcast with Lewis Howe that's fantastic for understanding this. I'm giving you some insight into why this happens and I know it really fucking sucks to put your energy to put your heart to put your love towards a man who's incapable of being in a serious relationship. This is why I'm such a big proponent for each one of you to lean into your sovereignty to lean into your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your self-love and if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway see written by Jonathan Asley. There's a link to all the books I recommend below in the description under Jonathan recommends in my book self-lovethebook.com if you want to check it out but I want to encourage you to lean in because I know it's frustrating being in relationship with men who pull away and ghost and disappear and you're being taught to lean back and wait for him to come get you. Well here's the thing the 10% of guys this is the one you all covet this is all the ones you want right this is the one you're looking for. Here's the challenge with those guys they're never gonna pull away they're never gonna ghost they're never gonna disappear. The other guys it's because they've got some stuff going on that needs healing so by pulling away all you've done is create more anxiety with them as well. Yes the stupid book The Rules created this whole game playing egoic way that we've got to play this cat and mouse reverse psychology bullshit. What's most important is you leaning into yourself that's the most important thing and here's the thing I want in that just as I shared in that one video the 99 the one skill that gets 99% of men to respect you that one skill is knowing your standards it's knowing what you want in relationship so why do I and why do I always say this ladies I know you want men to lead the relationship but you're giving the job to the wrong person you have to be in charge of your own destiny this is why I recommend this book Eight Dates by Dr. John Gottman and Julie Gottman this teaches you the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship is this sinking in please tell me if this is sinking in oh I just noticed the red and the blue the blue here the red here but is this content sinking in with you are you getting it are you making the shifts if this is your first time watching please watch my other videos because I've got this theme going on because the truth about men in commitment at midlife most men are rather clueless you need to be directing the process by setting your standards by leading by example and I know you're all coveting that 10% these guys know what they want I get it but if you're not with one of those guys then guess what you either set the standard or you move on because it's no sense trying to hope for magic fairy dust to make him change how many of you are waiting for magic fairy dust that he's gonna somehow evolve at some point in his life the only way he's gonna evolve is by you setting the standard for what you want in your life because when you set your standard either can jump on the train with you or you say bye bye bye bye listen I'm your big brother here if I was vetting these guys on the first date I'd be saying look don't fuck with my sister either know your shit come to the table knowing what you want be I'm vetting for those 10% guys on your behalf okay I'm doing my best and if you need support with that schedule a call with me that's where I can help you with on a much grander scale all right I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job the bear hug of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or even a pet and give them a hug because right now we all could use more love in our lives and hugs are a great source of love I want to wish you a super duper wonderful fantastic day bye bye now