 I know you speak about you were involved in 19 murders and I don't want to mention names because I don't want to go down the same route as every other interview but I don't want to upset people as well but your first murder that you've done, I've spoke to a lot of killers and a lot of them are nervous, 99% of them are nervous, you weren't, why? I don't know, I don't know, maybe fighting, maybe all the things, maybe being trained in the in the military, I don't know, I questioned that myself to myself when and I said it a bunch of times, I watched movies guy kill somebody who's going to kill him, he kills him and he's sweating, he's scared, he's nervous, he's this, he's that, I expected that to happen, I did the murder, I was done, we cleaned, got rid of the gun, cleaned the car, did this, did that, did everything and I went to a apartment where me and my friends were staying, took a shower and waited for that to happen to me, it didn't happen, I got dried off, I went to bed, I slept like a baby, the next morning I woke up, little girls were up in that place and oh my god they killed Joe Colucci and this and that and it was in the paper and I remember asking one of the girls, did they know who did it? She said no, they were investigating it but no, they don't know and then they went to the corner and hang out, I came a little bit later and when I walked there I was there standing right there but I almost had like an out of body experience, I felt like I was way above them listening and they didn't see me and but I was able to see them, it was a weird feeling and what took me out of that feeling is that Shorty Spearler had pulled up, got his nephew Tommy, get Sammy, call my personal wants to see him and I came at him, Shorty said listen don't explain what happened, he did a good piece of work last night, let my nephew tell call mine because he was on the head too, explain to him what exactly happened, you'll be quiet, I didn't say a word, he explained the whole thing and when we got in call mine parts to go grab me, hug me, kiss me on the cheek, he did a good piece of work, pat me on the back so to speak and I left and it always bothered me, why didn't that stuff I saw in the movie, why didn't it bother me, the only thing I could come up with maybe I was just a natural born killer, like I said when I went into military and I would have went to Vietnam I would have killed, I had no hesitation about fighting for my country, protecting my family, this is a now I was protecting goes in Austria, it was a different type of army, maybe that's it, I don't know what it is but I never had that feeling and I don't know why because we talk about being a product to your environment do you think you always had that something in you, you would have been involved in that some sort of violence or killings no matter where you grew up