 and welcome to the pilot episode of the Site 42 Critique Lab. In case you don't know, because this show doesn't exist yet, today I'm going to go over a real-life draft SCP. This is kind of a go-between before it goes to the draft forums. So yes, an idea of the show. Mission statement. There are too many... There are so many, not too many, there can't be too many SCPs, but there are so many SCPs written every day, and there's only so many people in the critique staff. It's a tidal wave of stories and not enough people to read them. And we need editors. We need stuff to be done. So this is kind of community service for the SCP community. If you're in my chat, which I have pulled up right now, you'll be able to help me as we go through a real-life draft SCP and see if we can help it get ready to go up on the wiki. Now, for my credentials, I am not a professional writer. I have written one SCP that stayed up on the site. That's SCP-3086. So I do have one SCP to my name. I can technically be called an author. I've only done one. But I have written some theater scripts before. I have done a little bit of proofreading. So... And anybody who's in the chat along with will help out. Today, Redditor IstabU has turned in a draft called Boron Biggs. And if you look in the description of the video, I left a link to the sandbox. So we're going to go through this in three phases. Phase one, I'm just going to read the whole thing. We want to get the whole idea before we dive into what needs to be fixed. After that, we'll go through the nitpicking phase, which is where we will go along and do things like spelling check, grammar, stuff like that. And in our third phase, we will go over the greater ideas, such as, is this a good idea, is the anomaly good, stuff like that. So we'll do read it, technical writing, spiritual writing, idea writing, emotional writing, stuff like that. So from the top, I'm just kind of riffing until you guys get to the link. Boron Biggs, item number, SCP-3333, object class, Euclid, correction, uncontained, special containment procedures, SCP-3333, breach containment on redacted. At the present time, Mobile Task Force Gamma 4, codenamed Maustraps, are assigned to track down SCP-3333 in order to bring it back into containment. These act whereabouts of Person of Interest-3333-A are unknown, but are presumed to be with SCP-3333. See Incident Log-3333-C for more details about the containment failure of SCP-3333. Hello, Ellen, hello, Sea Jobs. Hooray for notifications and spiritual writing. Show Pass Containment Procedures. SCP-3333 is to be kept in a customized humanoid containment chamber with walls reinforced with at least 10 cm thick steel sheets with a layer of glass on the inner surface. SCP-3333's cell is to be fitted with a modified sprinkler system capable of quickly flooding the cell with concentrated hydrochloric acid. This is to be used only as a last resort. Okay, to know why I looked at that weird, you have to have seen this picture, which if you have not pulled up, it is this adorable blue creature. I don't know why we are dousing it with hydrochloric acid yet. Let's get back to it. SCP-3333's primary containment is voluntary, and as such, its needs and requests must be kept in consideration for purposes of containment. Request for objects such as toys and books by SCP-3333 or by the SCP-3333 containment specialist, Dr. Veronica Clark, may be granted on the approval of the current SCP-3333 lead researcher. If SCP-3333 enters a rage state for any reason, take a shot for rage states as a... uh, what's the phrase I'm moving for? Cliché? Rage state. Dr. Veronica is to first attempt to calm it down before any other methods are tried. This procedure was put into effect upon the conclusion of incident 333 dash 2 1 dash a, and now we're going into strike through. Since its implementation, Dr. Veronica has been successful in regaining control of SCP-3333 in all cases when it has entered a rage state, proving this to be an effective containment procedure. So, I'm assuming that they did not successfully get it out of a rage state this time. Dr. Veronica is also allowed to make daily visits to SCP-3333's containment chamber as this has shown to effectively reduce the average number of rage state episodes experienced by SCP-3333. Description. SCP-3333 is a short-legged, muscular marsupial, similar in appearance to vombatiformis vombatidae, common wombat, in all aspects except for its characteristic blue fur. SCP-3333 is capable of bipedal locomotion, standing at 66 centimeters tall on its hind legs. SCP-3333 prefers bipedal locomotion when moving at a slow pace, switching to a typical quadrupedal gate when running at higher speeds. SCP-3333 is sapient and possesses an intelligent analogous to that of a 5-year-old human child. It also possesses the capability to learn new skills, albeit at a slower pace than humans. It is generally curious and inquisitive about its surroundings. SCP-3333 is capable of communicating in the English language with basic sentences, which are often described as being childlike. SCP-3333 is practically indestructible and has shown to be able to survive gunfire, explosives, incendiary damage, and other forms of physical harm. SCP-3333 rapidly regenerates any bodily harm done to it through unknown means. If a major part of SCP-3333's body is destroyed, it will regenerate from the largest surviving chunk. Research into SCP-3333's abilities has been hampered by the difficulty in obtaining live tissue samples from it. Drink for regeneration, cliche. Under normal circumstances, SCP-3333 is extremely craven, usually hiding under furniture or in corners when research staff approach. It often adopts a posture where it covers its face with its front paws while cowering, which is adorable, I might add. If SCP-3333 perceives itself to be cornered or in extreme danger, it will enter a rage state. While in this enraged state, SCP-3333's behavior will change to become extremely hostile. It will attempt to kill or injure all personnel present and will attempt to break out of containment. This rage state will only be subdued if it perceives itself to be alone and away from all containment. If it is injured to a point where it is unable to fight or regenerate itself fast enough, or if it can be calmed down by other means. SCP-3333 came into the Foundation's custody when it was found rampaging through redacted. Australia, everything's terrible in Australia, defying any attempts by law enforcement to contain it. It was captured after being hit with multiple anti-take RPGs, which resulted in over 90% of its body mass being destroyed. Containment teams noticed rapid regeneration of flesh and it was quickly placed under containment. After regeneration, it was noted to be completely placid, exhibiting confusion related to its current location. It was later revealed that SCP-3333 does not retain its memory after regenerating from significant damage to its brain, however it is somehow able to retain skills it has learned in the past. Show details for incident 3333-1-B, and this is a collapsible, so we're going in. Incident 3333-1-B took place soon after initial containment. After SCP-3333 was discovered to be completely placid, Dr. Osborn Armstrong, level 3 Foundation researcher assigned to study SCP-3333, attempted to take tissue samples to study the rapid regeneration capabilities of SCP-3333, along with Dr. Veronica Clark, at the time a level 2 junior researcher assigned to assist Dr. Osborn. The following is a transcript of the video recording from SCP-3333's containment chamber during this incident. Oh, hello, Boron Biggs made it. Huzzah, welcome, this is his deal, so let's see how this goes. Begin transcript. Dr. Osborn Armstrong is seen to enter SCP-3333's containment chamber. Dr. Veronica Clark, following closely. SCP-3333, which was previously looking at a light on the wall of its containment chamber, is seen retreating to the corner furthest away from the entering researchers. Dr. Osborn is seen discussing something with Dr. Veronica and then slowly moves toward SCP-3333. As he does, he raises his right arm forward in an inviting manner. SCP-3333 is seen to be visibly shaking, presuming from fear. Dr. Osborn approaches SCP-3333 and touches its fur with the tip of his hand. SCP-3333 is seen to scream and run parallel to the wall towards another corner of the cell. Dr. Osborn is seen to ask Dr. Veronica for help and both move towards SCP-3333. Dr. Veronica approaches SCP-3333 and lays a hand on its fur, which causes SCP-333333 to visibly recoil, but it is unable to escape to another corner. Dr. Veronica strokes the fur of SCP-3333, which visibly calms it down. Dr. Veronica approaches from the left with a needle in an attempt to obtain a blood sample from SCP-3333. SCP-3333 doesn't seem to notice immediately what is happening. As Dr. Osborn inserts a needle into the flesh of SCP-3333, it enters into a range state and growls loudly before jumping to attack Dr. Osborn's face. SCP-3333 produces long claws which were not visible before and proceeds to severely injure and then kill Dr. Osborn, who tries unsuccessfully to break free from its grip the entire period. At this time, all doors to the containment chamber are locked to prevent a containment breach. Dr. Veronica runs toward the main entrance of the cell but finds the door to be locked. She hits the door multiple times with her fists while screaming to be let out. The door stays locked. SCP-3333 seems to have finished with Dr. Osborn and his lifeless body lays on the floor. Dr. Veronica is huddled in the corner of the chamber and SCP-3333's now turns to face her. SCP-3333's leaps to land on top of Dr. Veronica and raises its right claw to strike her. At this point, Dr. Veronica screams and is seen holding her hands in front of her face. SCP-3333's is seen holding its position above Dr. Veronica without striking her. Dr. Veronica is seen to be visibly shaking with fear. SCP-3333's leaps off of Dr. Veronica and is seen sitting beside her in a much calmer manner. SCP-3333's is seen to speak for the first time and conversive with Dr. Veronica for a period of 8 minutes before the containment chamber doors reopen to retrieve Dr. Veronica and remove the body of Dr. Osborn and the transcript. So, uh, what I gather from that transcript is, oh, you're a chicken too! Let's be friends. Alright. At the conclusion of this incident, Dr. Veronica was debriefed and revealed that SCP-3333's was interested in where it was and what the Foundation was, but had no recollection of how it got there or anything that it had done before coming into Foundation custody. Taking into consideration that Dr. Veronica was the first person to successfully interact with SCP-3333's, it was decided to appoint Dr. Veronica to the position of containment specialist for SCP-3333's and all new experiments involving SCP-3333's are to be conducted after consultation with Dr. Veronica. Show details for incident 3's.23-B. So now we have another log. Ineclapsible. This incident occurred in the last 23 separate attempts to obtain biological samples from SCP-3333's, all previous attempts that resulted in SCP-3333's entering a range state. However, it was controlled each time by Dr. Veronica. Dr. Veronica vehemently opposed any attempts at trying to obtain biological matter from SCP-3333's, but it was considered the utmost priority to study its regenerative properties in order to better understand it. As part of this test, Dr. Veronica was asked to comfort SCP-3333's as another sample collection was attempted. Transcript. Dr. Veronica has seen entering the containment chamber of SCP-3333's closely followed by D-33294. D-33294 is a trained veterinarian as has been informed of the samples to be collected. Dr. Veronica approaches SCP-3333's who greets her by clutching her hand tightly. Dr. Veronica and SCP-3333's sit next to a wall with Dr. Veronica stroking spur and appearing extremely calm. Dr. Veronica presumably informs SCP-3333's that another attempt to collect biological samples is going to be made. SCP-3333's is seen immediately tensing and standing up, but Dr. Veronica manages to convince it to sit back down. Dr. Veronica signals to D-33294 to begin the attempt, and D-33294 produces small plastic scissors which she used to obtain a sample of SCP-3333's fur. The sample is obtained without incident, but SCP-3333's seem to be noticeably shaking. D-33294 produces an automatic needle which she presses onto SCP-3333's leg and presses a button to quickly punch a needle into its flesh. SCP-3333's is seen to enter a rage state despite Dr. Veronica's presence and proceeds to jump up to D-33294's face using its claws to inflict deep wounds. Dr. Veronica seems to be trying to get SCP-3333's off of D-33294 and trying to calm it down, but it does not seem to respond. In an attempt to cut into D-33294's chest, SCP-3333's accidentally swipes across Dr. Veronica's right shoulder which results in two gashes across her upper right arm, upper arm, through which blood begins to pour out. Upon seeing Dr. Veronica's injury, SCP-3333 immediately returns to a normal state and leaves D-33294 to rush over to Dr. Veronica, SCP-3333 clutches her arm and it pauses and tries to stop the blood, flow blood by pressing its paws against the wound, becoming creasing- oh, sorry, just got the coughs. Woo! Become increasingly distressed as it is unable to do so. SCP-3333's is seen standing, seeming confused before it begins crying and vocalizing loudly for help. After one minute of SCP-3333's crying, it is decided to enter the containment chamber. SCP-3333's does not intervene with recovery efforts and transcript. Dr. Veronica was retrieved in an unconscious state after having suffered significant blood loss. She was rushed to Site-19 medical wing and made a full recovery. Resuming her previous duties after three weeks, SCP-3333's was seen to cry for four hours after the conclusion of incident 3-23-B and remained at elevated levels of anxiety over the next week before returning to normal. Did I remember that this was kept at Site-19? No, we didn't mention that before. Okay, that might come up later, I'm not sure, we'll see. Alright, proposal 3-B-24. Email from Researcher Callahan, CC Callahan at Foundation to Dr. Robert Preston, SCP-3333's lead researcher, Dr. Preston at Foundation. Subject makes proposal for extraction of biological matter. Good afternoon, doctor. I feel personally responsible for the incident last month involving Dr. Veronica. I hope she's doing better now. However, for the next attempt, I got to reading SCP-3333's files and it occurred to me. When we initially captured the thing, we managed to do enough damage to it for it to be rendered to mobile. Why not do that again? But this time under contained circumstances using an acid bath. Then we could take samples while it's incapacitated. Let me know what you think about it and please pass it through Dr. V for her approval. I don't think that's going to happen. From Dr. Robert Preston, SCP-3333's lead researcher to Researcher Callahan. Subject regarding next proposal for extraction of biological matter. The proposal is approved. Please schedule it for next Monday. Please put the order for the supplies you need to site 19 procurement department with my reference. And don't worry about Veronica. I'll pass it through her when she's well enough. Incident long threes dash C. Camera feed 152. Dr. Veronica's sitting in her office. She closes her laptop, grabs something from her drawer and leaves the office. Camera feed 112. Dr. Veronica's seen entering SCP-3333's control room. No one else is present in the room at this time due to an unrelated breach in another wing of site 19. Dr. Veronica has seen sitting in front of the terminal after writing some commands into the computer. She scans her access card on the card scanner next to the terminal. SCP-3333's from Camera Feed 115. SCP-3333's containment chamber door is seen to open. However, the alarm is associated with do not activate due to technical failures. Dr. Veronica has seen entering SCP-3333's containment chamber. She emerges two minutes and 22 seconds later with SCP-3333's by her side. They move down the corridor to an emergency access door. Dr. Veronica checks the door and indicates that it is locked. SCP-3333's is seen to tear the door off its hinges. Dr. Veronica is seen to pick up SCP-3333's and move out of camera's view. Out of the camera's view, no alarms are triggered due to technical failures. The containment breach was not detected until 12 minutes afterward at which point Mobile Task Force Gamma Force mobilized to respond. No sign of SCP-3333's was found on site 19 and it is unclear how SCP-3333's or Dr. Veronica managed to leave site 19. Following the conclusion of Incident 3's-C, Dr. Veronica has been reclassified as Person of Interest 3's-A and recovery efforts are underway to recapture SCP-3333's. Okay, we made it to the end of the skip, so let's reset all the collapsibles. Okay, so I'm going to change the order a little bit. I mentioned that we're going to do this in three phases. We're going to read it, we're going to nitpick the technical details, we're going to do the spiritual slash overarching stuff. I want to do the overarching stuff first, I think. I think that'll make more sense before we get into the nitty-gritty. So what we have here is a wombat. Now the wombat is blue, so it has an anomalous color. The wombat regenerates and is freakishly strong and the wombat has at least a childlike intelligence. And we don't know how old it is, so it could be just a growing creature that could have an adult intelligence one day, we don't know. So that is four anomalous properties for this one item. Now, if we still have boron bigs in the chat, I would love some more information on what they thought ahead of time. The nice thing about getting to chat with the author if they're here is that we can kind of get their ideas along the way. But in the meantime, my first thought is that we might have too many anomalies. Its childlike ability to speak and like reason don't really come into effect that much. It seems to me that the phrase I'm looking for, it seems to me that everything it tried to accomplish speaking could have just been like wombat cries and it having a human level intelligence did not add anything to its story. Like, I understand that maybe the Doctor Veronica would have been more caring towards it because it was like a child versus I mean it's kind of like a cute pet wombat. Like, it's freaking just gosh darn adorable. So, I'm thinking that she might do the same thing if they were trying to burn a wombat in acid. Which thanks site 19 for pulling the 682 plan out for this case. Oh, and I forgot we also have the regeneration is an SCP cliche that happens all the time and rage states are an SCP thing that are kind of like a joke now. That's not that you can't have these things. It's just that you need a really good reason to have them because they're so cliche that a lot of the site voters won't care. They'll be like, oh, it regenerates. Oh, it has a rage state. So, those are things to think about. I'm not saying don't do them. I'm saying make sure you're doing them really well. I'm not sure this idea has fully pulled that off yet but we're going to get into it. And if you're in the chat, feel free to chime in. You are all foundation researchers for the critique lab. So, if you've got interesting critiques, I'd love to hear them along the way. But for now, that is my summary of the skip, what I can glean from it. Also, it's uncontained, so hunting. We can take or leave an uncontained skip. That's not a big deal to me. Some people are like, uh, uncontained. It does do a lot of... I'm hearing from the chat now. It kind of is Wolverine but a wall bat. Ha ha ha. Amazing Ellen from the chat points out that the image quality could be a lot better. I'm on an iPad so I can't see it too great but if it's pretty blurry, that is... it either needs to be a smaller image or you need to get a higher quality image to make it bigger. Oh. So yeah, that's fair. Boron Biggs, the author, says that he has a better image that the sandbox won't let him upload so we can fix that later. He's got the idea. He, she, they, they. I'm going with they. And the regeneration of Rayche stuff might be resized. That might help. Okay, so, here we go. Into the nitty gritty. Uh, item number SCP-333, fine, nuclear uncontained find, SCP-3's breach containment on redacted dates. Um, does the date need to be redacted? Can you just pick a date? Is there a reason to redact the date? Because if not, I would just pick a random date. That way we have like a timeline for when this happened. So this is a style point for the wiki. Uh, mobile task force gamma four. Uh, usually the code name, in this case, mousetraps is typically in 333, or sorry, mousetraps is typically in parentheses and quotation marks. So it's, it does both. You have, uh, parentheses and then quotes inside the parentheses. And that's kind of like a code name style thing that I think most of the wiki adheres to. So in full thing, mtf, oh, and you don't put a hyphen between mtf and gamma. So it's mtf space gamma hyphen four, open parentheses, quotation mark, mousetraps, quotation mark, close parentheses. It would be the style for that. Or assign to track down scp3s. Oh, and in general, uh, I know this is scp3333, just in general for writing in a sandbox, using 4x's rather than just picking a number is better because you never know if your number will be open by the time you get there. So xxxtx is typically the way to go there, but that's, that's a super nitpick. Like no one cares about that one. That's just, alright. If it were me, I would capitalize each word in the, uh, collapsicles. In the collapsible, I would capitalize hide past containment procedures. I think that might look neater. Uh, scp3s is to be kept in a customized, uh, humanoid containment chamber with walls reinforced with at least, uh, your at least needs a space between 10 centimeter thick steel sheets with a layer of glass on the inner surface. So what that says to me is that you have a a layer of glass on the inner surface. Is that you have a containment chamber with walls of reinforced steel and, okay, so this is reinforced with at least 10 centimeter thick steel sheets. So is that one steel sheet that's at least 10 centimeters thick? Uh, or do they need multiple of these at least 10 centimeter thick steel sheets? It seems like, is it layered or is it just like reinforced with at least 10 centimeters? How would you say that? Containment with walls reinforced, uh, containment chamber with walls with reinforced steel walls at least 10 centimeters thick. The glass is for the acid bath. Okay, so the entire containment chamber is also filled with glass? Or is that just like the bottom of it? Because I'm imagining a glass cube with a steel box around it. Is that what you're going for? In the meantime, scp3s cells to be fitted with a modified splinker system, capable of quickly flooding the cell with concentrated hydrochloric acid. This is to be used only as a last resort. Okay, so when we did the acid bath thing earlier, when we said it there, I thought it was a, uh, because it says last resort, I think I thought it was used as a defense in case they need it for the rage stateness. But at the bottom in the proposal, where do we say the acid bath? So in proposal at the bottom, you mention, hey, why don't we use an acid bath? So that makes me think that the acid bath wasn't installed in the procedures, because they hadn't used it yet. At least in all of the like, shown, that's the phrase I'm looking for, rage states they never actually gave it an acid bath. Veronica always calmed it down, either by calming it down or being scared or being injured. So in that case, having the acid bath in the procedure seems weird, because later on, right before it escapes, they were talking about what sounds like the first acid bath. Now maybe you take it out of the procedures, or maybe instead, you make the doctor at the end come in and say, uh, when he proposes the acid bath, that he says, hey, we have an acid bath installed just in case, why don't we use that to incapacitate it? And that could be an easy fix for the, for that problem. I apologize about the coughing. I'm recovering from a sore throat, which is why there haven't been any recordings this week. My voice isn't up to snuff yet. Honey lemon water. Or lemon water. Yep, rest in peace. I will. I have died. So continuing on, we, so yes, I suggest making the email mention that the acid bath is already installed for emergencies and that they should use it. Continuing on, SCP-3's primary containment is voluntary. It has such, it needs, its needs and requests must be kept in consideration for purposes of containment. I, I'm not sure how I feel about that one. Um, I don't think anything is really contained voluntarily. Like, I don't think anything is contained voluntarily. I mean, even if it is volunteering, because I mean, we're going to contain it either way, right? Um, and also it's not, is it voluntarily contained if we had to like, anti-tank missile it? And then, like, knock it all the way down until we could contain it. Like, it's played nice since Veronica, but I don't really consider that a voluntary containment. So, if it enters, I'm sorry, I'm going to go grab a cough drop. That will make, that may help. I will return in a moment. I apologize for the interruption. I guess I'll just die here. Right, so, back to where I was. Three's primary containment is voluntary. And as such, its needs and requests must be kept in consideration for purposes of containment. Requests for objects such as toys and books by SCP-3's or by the SCP-3's containment specialist, Dr. Vernon Clark, may be granted on the approval of the current SCP-3's lead researcher. Okay, so the lead researcher is not the containment, the containment specialist and lead researcher are different. But, okay, that's good for later. If SCP-3 enters a rage state for any reason, Dr. Veronica is to first attempt to calm it down before any other methods are tried. This procedure was put into effect upon the conclusion of a incident, blah, and since its implementation, where I've been successful in regaining control of SCP-3's da-da-da-da, in a rage state, proving to be effective in terms of procedure, okay, good. They're also allowed to make daily visits, adorable. Okay, so that line's fine, going down to description. SCP-3 is a short-legged, muscular marsupial, similar in two pairs to vombediformis, vombedidae. Okay. I think there's a space between vombediformis and vombedidae that shouldn't be, I think, like the hyphen should be there. Are those typically, are the scientific, the Latin names, or are those typically done in italics, I think? I don't know, let's take a look, let's find some fancy science. What's an SCP with some fancy science on it? One that's got an animal. The chimp that's on fire. Which one's the chimp that's on fire? Girl on fire, SCP. I know that one has a monkey. All right, 2984. SCP-2984. So, it is a, so in this one, it says SCP-2984 is a female Bornean orangutan, in parentheses, pongo pygmies. And the pongo pygmies is in italics, in the parentheses. So that's what I thought you were supposed to do. So what you ought to do there is you ought to switch it to similar in appearance to a common wombat, and then in parentheses, vombediformis, vombedidae. And you can take the hyphen out of there and just have a space, but it needs to be in the parentheses. Good, back to the chat. In all aspects, except for its characteristic blue fur. Now, that is, we're saying it is characteristic for the anomaly, but we could also say it's uncharacteristically blue fur because it's uncharacteristic for a common wombat. So, and yes, Morrigan asked, is that the actual Latin name for it? That I don't know the answer to. So, uh, to Google, vombatema-ta-ta, common wombat Latin name. Vombatis ursinis. So, uh, yeah, get on Google and get the proper common wombat, which is vombatis ursinis, ursinis, for your science name. Continuing on, SCP-3s is capable of bipedal locomotion standing at 66 centimeters tall on its hind legs. SCP-3s prefers bipedal locomotion moving at a slow pace, switching to a quadrupedal gate when running at higher speeds. It is sapient and possesses an intelligence analogous to that of a five-year-old human child. It also possesses capability to learn new skills, albeit at a slower pace than humans. It's generally curious and equivocative about its surroundings. So, uh, SCP-3s capable of communicating in the English or in the English with basic sentences, which are often described as being quote, child-like, if you do wombat scientific without that. Okay, so vombatidae is the classification for the family of creatures. So, looking at the Wikipedia for the science term, vombatis is one of the family. So, vombatis ursinis is the common wombat in the family of vombidae, because the vombidae includes lasso sinus, lasso son, all these things that I can't say. Cool, moving on. So, it is capable of communicating in the English language with basic sentences, which are often described as being child-like. I think you should lowercase the C in child-like, and I think you should put a hyphen in there. I think child-like should be hyphenated and lowercase. SCP-3s is practically indestructible, and has shown to be able to survive gunfire, explosives, incendiary damage in other forms of physical harm. We're not going to generate any bodily harm done to it through unknown means. If a major part of SCP-3's body is destroyed, it will regenerate from the largest surviving chunk. Research into SCP-3's abilities has been hampered by the difficulty of obtaining live tissue samples from it. Under normal circumstances, SCP-3s is extremely craven, usually hiding under furniture or in corners when research staff approach. I just want to check on the word craven real quick. It's not a very common word. Like, yeah, so craven just means, oh, okay. So I don't think you want to use the word craven here because craven is what you call a cowardly person if you don't like them. Contemptively lacking in courage, it's what you're calling, uh, you're calling them scared, cowardly, but you're saying it in a specifically mean way. You're saying, you craven jerk. So I don't think you want to use the word craven in this situation. Uh, Dilgaph in the chat points out that childlike is one word, and that is a good call, thank you. Uh, amazing, Ellen points up. If it can regenerate from the largest part, why wouldn't they just take the smaller part from the sample? And that's a good one. Uh, Boron wants to know about other words for craven if we're not going to use craven. If you were going to use, if you were going to say it's extremely, I would say timid almost because the wombat and timid has that kind of small sound. It's all ready. Timid's a good one. Are there any other good synonyms for cowardly that we want to use? What is a good scientific term for cowardly that fits? I'm getting timid, timid is good. Faint-hearted, lily-livered, spineless, chicken-hearted, craven, timid, timorous, fearful. Pus-alanimous. Pus-alanimous. SCP-333 is practically indestructible. Under normal circumstances, SCP-3s is extremely timid. Under normal circumstances, SCP-3s is extremely meek. I like timid the best. I think meek could also be good. Okay. Usually hiding under furniture or in corners when research staff approach. It often adopts a posture where it covers its face with its front paws while cowering. If SCP-3s perceives itself to be cornered or in extreme danger, it will enter a rage state. While in this enraged state, SCP-3's behavior will change to become extremely hostile. It will attempt to kill or injure all personnel present. It will attempt to break out of containment. If SCP-3s perceives itself to be subdued, it perceives itself to be alone and away from all containment. If it is injured to a point where it is unable to fight or regenerate itself fast enough, or it can be calmed down by other means. Morrigan points out that some kitten-ish could be another timid word. Dilligaft goes for maybe submissive. That makes me think skittish could be a good one. Skittish could be good. I don't know if that's a real word. Is skittish a real word? Or is that a slang word? It's a real word. Huzzah. Of an animal, especially of a horse, excitable or easily scared. Skittish may be the best one because you say it of an animal. Although... Okay, so I liked timid. And we had meek, which was also good. Skittish is particularly aimed towards animals. But also we have the idea that skittish sounds a little slangy. Someone might mistake it as not being slang enough. Several people in the chat today just learned that pusalanimus is a real word. Huzzah. Amazing Ellen points out that he'd be a tax everyone with him, surely then the part with Veronica is very unlikely. The only reason I would say we kind of got a solid on that one that it's actually not bad is because she does do his exact fear pose and so it could be an imprinting thing. So maybe that... Because he attacked the heck out of that doctor but when she did his exact fear motion he stopped. So that's actually pretty good. I kind of like that that happens. Okay, it off and it off the posture where it covers its face with its front paws while cowering. If SCP-3 perceives itself to be cornered or in extreme danger it will enter a rage state. Does that need a comma? If SCP-3 perceives itself to be cornered or in extreme danger comma it will enter a rage state. I think it does. Colt mentions that this does seem a little bit like a combo of SCP-1048, the terrifying teddy bear who's actually adorable until he murders you and 682, the unkillable lizard. And you write that is two very things that you could like smash together and make a new SCP out of. To be fair, it's never that bad idea if you can write a good enough story around it. We're gonna take a pause on this for a second. We're gonna go back a second to the spiritual writing. So we've got the story. The story here is we have a cute creature who befriends a researcher and then the researcher doesn't want it to get hurt so she breaks it out. Now, we've seen that story happen before. That one's already been done. So we're not bridging too much a gap here plus you'll notice that at the end it's unknown how they got away. Oh, for the chat. Check the link of the day. This is a draft. The critique lab is for work in progress SCPs. In case you're getting 45 minutes and you didn't know what's up because a lot of people have been confused. So yeah, the story right now is cute critter, researcher befriends it and then breaks it out and then they disappear out of nowhere. I think two things have to happen here. Either A, we need a very thorough explanation of the escape because this rescue and SCP has happened before but it could be interesting to go down that road of how the heck did she Mission Impossible get out of there? How did they get around the containment teams? How did she rig this situation? That might be an interesting story or B, they have to get caught again and that could be an interesting turn of events because right now I don't think there's enough story for the item because the item is a combination of two items which the tangent I was going to go on but with that is my SCP, SCP 3086 Honestly all I said is what if Fred were evil? And I think Fred is SCP 423 but I just said what if Fred were evil and from there I extrapolated the rest of my skip? It's obviously different than just that but at least that's where I started so you can make a story for that. Dylan got points out on the escaping front that there were sympathetic agents in 231 You're right, he did get shot down in the escape So maybe, so yeah, if she became caught and then we had like an interview or something that could be a tragic ending or we could have a different tragic ending or we can like detail their escape and make that the story and then that could be a fantastic end So yes, long story short, way too late I think we could use a little bit of story and Boron points out that he didn't think of those two when he wrote this but it makes sense that happens to all of us There are so many SCPs that your mine 3086 was supposed to be audio only The idea is that if you wrote him about him or drew him, it would come to life So if you spoke about it, it was fine so you made a recording and we already have one of those and I didn't know it 11 something is a harp that you can't write about so he had to record it all but mine was a different enough anomaly that it got to stay up because yet use the audio format but it already did that or it did it differently enough Alright, so moving back down we have that comma where if it perceives itself where was the comma at it was foundation custody Craven hiding Rage State will be subdued Vidlone Foundation custody was found rampaging through Ruck Where did I want there to be a karma? a comma a karma a comma Ah yes, if SMB3 perceives itself to be cornered or in extreme danger, comma it will enter a rage state Let's continue While in this enrage state SMB3's behavior will change and become extremely hostile It will attempt to kill or injure all personnel present and it will attempt to break out of containment This rage state will only be subdued if it perceives itself to be alone and away from all containment If it is injured to a point where it is unable to regenerate itself fast enough SMB3's came into foundation custody when it was found rampaging through redacted Australia I'm fine with that redacted, it doesn't matter Boron in the chat says that I think I'm just going to drop the whole rage state thing It sounds weird hearing it from someone else's mouth That's fair, I've done that before where you say it and you're like oh, that doesn't sound as much as I like Alright, so I'm going to go through I'm going to keep going through that way if you salvage any parts it will still exist So after regeneration it was known to be completely placid exhibiting confusion relating to its current location It was later revealed that SMB3's does not retain its memory after regenerating this new significant damage to its brain I think that's the end of a sentence like period however, comma it is somehow able to retain skills that has learned from its past Colt Messer asks in the chat just, this is a good show question This is unrelated to the Drafted Hand It's a thing you can submit your drafts to and then you'll tear it apart or do you find random sandboxes and just critique them without warning Oh my God, that's a scary idea No, Colt, please This is a submission series This is, I asked on Reddit if anyone would want to be involved in this That way, you submit your work in progress and I kindly take it apart I don't want to go tearing through random sandboxes That sounds like a really mean show Sadly, probably get a lot of views Sucks being a good person sometimes on the internet You can submit your drafts to the Site 42 Discord server or you can submit it to scpsite42 at gmail.com Those are both places you can submit your drafts and we can, I think we'll make this like a Friday show We'll do this every Friday as long as we have skips to read So, moving on from the regenerating we're going to incident333-1-B Incident333-1-DVD to a place after incident containment after it was discovered to be completely blasted Dr. Osborn asked Armstrong In the parentheses I think foundation at the least should be capitalized Researcher might want to be capitalized too because it's a title especially after foundation I like to capitalize both foundation and researcher it seems a little more proper I think that could just be level 3 researcher I don't think you have to say it was assigned to study scp3s because that obviously they're studying scp3s Attempted to attain tissue samples to study the rapid regeneration capabilities of scp3s along with Dr. Veronica Clark at the time level 2 junior researcher assigned to assist Dr. Osborn That one could stay because it's stating something different sort of The following is a transcript of the video recording from scp3s containment chamber during this incident I was going to enter scp3s containment chamber Dr. Veronica Clark following closely good scp3s was previously looking at a light on the wall of its containment chamber seeing retreat into the corner first away good sentence Dr. Osborn discussing moving Veronica slowly moves towards scp3s period slowly moves towards scp3s to 3 period as he does, comma, he raises his right arm forward in an inviting manner seen visibly shaking presumably from fear, good Dr. Osborn approaches scp3s and touches his fur with the tip of his hand scp3s seem to scream and run parallel to the wall towards another corner of the cell Dr. Osborn is seen to ask Veronica for help and both move towards scp3s that's fine approaches scp3s and lays his hand on his fur which causes scp3s to visibly recoil but is unable to hit another corner a repeat of the email for a cult is scp site 42 at gmail.com and now Osborn approaches the fur with the tip of his hand scp3s seem to scream and run parallel to the wall okay, that's a fine thing for a comma Osborn is seen to ask Dr. Veronica for help both move towards scp3s, that's fine approaches scp3s and lays his hand on his fur which causes scp3s to visibly recoil but is unable to escape to another corner strokes the fur of scp3s which visibly calms it down approaches from the left of the needle and attempts to obtain a blood sample good, doesn't seem to notice what's happening, good Dr. Osborn inserts a needle in the flesh it enters a rage state that sentence is fine long claws which are not visible before and proceeds to severely injure who tries unsuccessfully to break free okay, I don't know it's not a bad sentence, but it's funny that you say it severely injures and kills Osborn who tries unsuccessfully to break free it's like, yeah, that was really unsuccessful, amigo seems... it seems like something you could split up like, proceeds to produces long claws which are not visible before and lunges at Dr. Osborn who tries unsuccessfully to break free from its grip until he is slain, parishes something like that oh, oh, wait, but you did say who tries unsuccessfully to break free from its grip the entire period okay, that fixes it, my bad didn't read far enough at this time all doors to the containment chamber are locked from about the containment breach runs through the main entrance of the cell and finds the door to be locked chases the door multiple times with a fist while screaming to be let out the door stays locked has to be threes seems to have finished the doctor I would kind of like that if it was screaming to be let out period and then the door stays locked just like capital T there the door stays locked is a four word sentence with a lot of power behind it uh at this point Dr. Veronica screams in his sorry she hits the door multiple times with her fists while screaming to be let out the door stays locked it sounds really menacing it gives you that cold foundation vibe where like they did not try and save her seems to have finished with Dr. Osborne and his life his body lays on the floor oh I'm sorry I'm going no, I'm not sorry, I'm not going to change what I said I was going to go back and say another thing I'm leaving it as it is, let's keep going seems to have finished with Dr. Osborne and his lifeless body lays on the floor lays on the floor, lies on the floor I always get that wrong as his um and his lifeless body lays on the floor and his lifeless body lies on the floor I don't know the answer to that one so I'm going to my friend Google his lifeless body lies on the floor alright so I'm hearing lies is the correct answer and uh Boron hey I'm happy you are here in the chat at all it is very nice to have the author in to interact with the draft that way we can get some ideas and some backing for it that would be very helpful if I keep this show Fridays at noon so it's nice and consistent like this I would love it if the authors were able to peek in once in a while okay so leaps on top of Dr. Veronica Dr. Veronica does the cowardly move SCP-3 is seen holding its position above Dr. Veronica without striking her Dr. Veronica is seen to be shaking leaps off of Dr. Veronica is seen sitting beside her in a much calmer manner I just think it would be nice if like I just think it would be nice if it left off and then like nuzzled her that would like up the adorable factor a little bit like it just hopped up and like rubbed up against her I don't know seems adorable that is a very good question Alan Dr. Veronica is that's not her that seems like a first name we should be calling her Dr. Clark this whole time shouldn't we it should probably be Dr. Clark throughout this entire document see that's why I have you guys in the chat I completely missed that that was a good point made Dr. Veronica would be what a kid might call her that's true but we're not a kid we're a research a scientific research foundation so our document is definitely going to say Dr. Clark it might call her Dr. Veronica Clark once to introduce her but from then on Dr. Clark is going to be the way it goes now in the uh if there were an interview with the Wombat that would be the time for it to say Dr. Veronica and that would be another cute thing alright so we have the incident occurred in the past oh wait at the conclusion of the incident Dr. Veronica was debriefed and revealed that SCP-3's oh wait I didn't finish that paragraph going through line by line you gotta remember where you were sitting beside her in a much calmer manner SCP-3 seemed to speak for the first time and conversed with Dr. Clark for a period of 8 minutes before the containment chamber door is reopened to retrieve Dr. Veronica and remove the body of Dr. Osborne so numbers in writing typically number 10 and below tends to be written as like spelled out E-I-G-H-T and I think once you get above a certain number you start to add like you start to do digits so like 8 would be a word but I don't know if it's like you go up to I don't know what number you start using digits instead of the words point do you type the number instead of using numerals what does it say? alright here we go expressing numbers in your writing number versus numeral first and first was the difference between the number and numeral spell small numbers out the small numbers such as whole numbers smaller than 10 shouldn't be spelled out uh experts don't always agree on the other rules some experts say that one word number should be written out two word numbers should be expressed in figures so you should write out 12 or 20 but not 24 that makes sense to me so once you get to a yeah once you get two syllables you're supposed to use the words you're supposed to switch to writing digits so everything up to 20 basically is written out but then 21 starts to use digits is reopened to retrieve Dr. Clark and remove the body of Dr. Osborne and transcript at the conclusion of this incident comma Dr. Veronica's debriefed and revealed that SCP-3s was interested in where it was and what the foundation was capital F for foundation where was I but had no recollection of how it got there or anything it had done before coming into foundation custody again capital F taking into consideration that Dr. Veronica was the first person to successfully interact with SCP-3s it was decided to appoint Dr. Veronica to the position of containment specialist for SCP-3s and all new experiments involving SCP-3s are to be conducted after consultation with Dr. Veronica okay okay okay so moving on to the next incident checking the chat for help plus three syllables can 15 year olds join the foundation okay that's a little off topic but to join the SCP Wiki I think you have to be 15 years old to join the Wiki but remember it's just a creative writing site real moving on hi details for incident 3s-23-b this incident occurred in the last 23 separate attempts to obtain in the last of 23 this incident occurred in the last of 23 separate attempts to obtain biological samples from SCP-3s all previous attempts alright so there shouldn't be a sentence break there at the very least this incident occurred in the last 23 separate attempts to obtain biological samples from SCP-3s period capital A all previous attempts resulted in SCP-3s entering a rage state however so yeah I think again rage state period capital however it was controlled each time by Dr oh here we go more cough drops it was controlled each time okay so I don't like the way those sentences are coming together at all that's a weird little transition I think let's take a look at it this incident occurred in the last of 23 separate attempts to obtain biological samples from SCP-3s period good all previous attempts have resulted in SCP-3s entering a rage state comma each one I think if you said entering a rage state comma each one alright so some form of like talked down some sort of talked down where like talked down from the ledge each time talked down by Dr Veronica all previous attempts resulted in SCP-3s entering a rage state each time calmed by Dr Veronica each incident was something each incident was it's not some dude something like that I'll go on it might come to me later Dr. Veronica vehemently opposed any attempts at trying to obtain biological matter from SCP-3s but it was considered the utmost pride it was considered the utmost priority to study its regenerative properties in order to better understand it as part of this test Dr Veronica was asked to comfort SCP-3s as another sample collection was attempted begin transcript seen in our containment chamber of SCP-3s followed by D33294 the D class is a trained veterinarian and has been informed of the samples to be collected Veronica approaches SCP-3s who greets her Dr. Veronica approaches SCP-333 who greets her by clutching her hand tightly I think a comma goes after approaches SCP-333 I think a comma before the word who but I'm not sure about that in the chat someone said I don't know how to say your name man sets a water caca patata that is but point is our Russian bot said deescalated the situation for what we should say to calm it down each time Dr. Clark deescalated the situation that's not a bad one I like it so Dr. Veronica approaches SCP-333 who greets her by clutching her hand tightly should there be a comma in there question mark I approached Carl who blah blah blah I feel like there should be a comma in there looks like Boron agrees with me let's keep rolling Dr. Veronica and SCP-333 appear extremely calm Dr. Veronica presumably informs SCP-333 that another attempt to collect biological samples is going to be made SCP-333 is seen immediately tensing and standing up but Dr. Veronica convinces it okay so this one is instead of a comma here it's a semicolon because SCP-333 is seen immediately tensing and standing up but Dr. Veronica convinces to sit back down is a complete sentence so you have two complete sentences a semicolon would be a thing right there thank you for joining us for When You Dig Colts uh going down so that is timestamp 110320 you could split that with a semicolon instead of a comma Dr. Veronica signals to D to begin the attempt and D produces small plastic scissors which she uses to obtain a sample of SCP-333 spur the sample is obtained without incident but SCP-333 is seen to be noticeably shaking D produces an automatic needle which she presses on to SCP-333's leg and presses the button to quickly punch a needle into its flesh SCP-333 is seen to enter a range state despite Dr. Veronica's presence I think there shouldn't be a comma there is seen to enter a range state despite Dr. Veronica's presence comma and proceeds to jump onto D33294 apostrophe S face apostrophe S there using its claws to inflict deep wounds Dr. Veronica is seen trying to get SCP-333 off of the D-class and trying to calm it down but it does not seem to respond in an attempt to cut into D something's chest SCP-333 accidentally swipes across Dr. Veronica's right shoulder which results in two gashes across her upper arm through which blood begins to pour out good, good upon seeing Dr. Veronica's injury comma SCP-333 immediately returns to a normal state and leaves the D-class to rush over to Dr. Veronica SCP-333 clutches her arm in its paws and tries to stop the flow of blood by pressing its paws against the wound becoming increasingly distressed as it is unable to do so SCP-333 is seen standing seeming confused before it begins crying apologizing loudly for help after one minute of crying comma it is decided to enter the containment chamber period SCP-333 does not intervene with recovery efforts so I'm going to repeat that after one minute of SCP-333 crying comma it is decided to enter the containment chamber period SCP-333 does not intervene with recovery efforts and transcript Dr. Veronica was retrieved in an unconscious state with significant blood loss she was rushed to site 19 there should be a hyphen between site and 19 at least like most of the time there's hyphens there and made a full recovery resuming her previous duties after three weeks three should be spelled out due to the rule earlier THRE SCP-333 was seen to cry for four hours after the conclusion of Incident 3-23-B and made it elevated levels of anxiety over the next week to normal into the proposal Boron tells us that this is actually based on Lilo and Stitch and that is adorable uh that is adorable and it's far enough removed that I didn't guess that was it so hey, that's pretty good and uh this is an important moment Carl wants to know about I guess my personal opinion on SCP-953 right now anything that's not the focus of the current work in progress I'm not going to talk about uh this show is about this work in progress that is for another stream my uh skip dictation live stream where I record the skips when we talk behind the scenes that is where we'll talk about more off-topic kind of things but we have a purpose today cool so into the emails from researcher Callahan um I think it's a CC Callahan app foundation in other places where they have emails they put something after the word foundation uh SCP-2317 comes to mind because there's a lot of emails in that one skip net so yeah, they do appfoundation.scp because they're on the foundation skip net so that's a good thing to do for the emails 2. Dr. Robert Preston you should capitalize lead researcher here because you do it in the next email as well uh I suggest capitalizing both lead and researcher both times uh Dr. Preston at foundation.scp subject and explosive abstraction biological matter good afternoon doctor so good afternoon doctor typically should have a comma after good afternoon good afternoon doctor but then you have the comma afterwards for the letter not exactly sure grammatically how that would work uh that would be something to google I feel personally responsible for the incident last month involving Dr. Veronica comma I hope she's feeling better now I would do a semicolon there if that's a good place to split however for the next attempt I got to reading scp3's files and it occurred to me when we were when we initially captured the thing we managed to do enough damage to it for we were running out of mobile why not do that again but this time under contained circumstances using an acid bath then we could take samples wallets and capacitate let me know when you think about it and please pass it through Dr. B for her approval I'm Dr. Robert Preston lead researcher capitalize both uh researcher Callahan Neff Puzzle Puzzle Puzzle schedule it next Monday please put the order for the supplies you need to the site 19 capitalize site and hyphen 19 procurement department it's a department I would capitalize the P I would capitalize the D with my reference and don't worry about Veronica I'll pass it through her when she is well enough I mean these are emails they're left formal on purpose I can kind of get it but I mean these are still researchers they're still kind of precise in their wording so take it or leave it inside the emails but like I would still capitalize lead researcher either way alright so camera feeds Dr. Veronica is sitting in her office, period that should be a period she closes her laptop grabs something from her drawer comma and leaves the office points out that it sounds weird to pass it through her you should probably run it by her or pass it by her run it by her run it by her so this first camera feed should be Dr. Veronica is sitting in her office period she closes her laptop comma comma and leaves the office Dr. Veronica is seen entering SCP-3's containment control room no one else okay I would say period and then no one else is present in the room at this time due to an unrelated breach in another wing of Site-19 capital S-19 Dr. Veronica is sitting in front of a terminal period after writing some commands comma nope I lied Dr. Veronica is sitting in front of a terminal period after writing some commands into the computer comma she scans her access card on the card scanner next to the terminal I would say she scans her access card on the scanner next to the terminal SCP-3's containment chamber door is seen to open however the alarms associated with do not activate due to technical failures okay that weirds me out so first I would take out the I would put a period after open take out the however and then the alarms associated with it do not activate due to technical failures now do the uh do the alarms not go off due to a technical failure or they not go off because Dr. Clark disabled them I think that should be made a little more clear also okay so there's an unrelated breach and she takes the opportunity to flee I think in the first camera feed you might want to she's seen sitting in her office maybe some alarms go off and like there's flashing lights and that alerts her to go do the thing she's like there's a breach this is my chance because right now she just kind of gets up out of nowhere and there happens to be a breach going on so maybe there's something in there that she's like oh this is my chance and goes possibly I don't know maybe I think so uh moving on so uh we have a response from Boron an induced technical failure I think I should describe the whole escape log a bit more but I was afraid it would get too long I think this is the real spot where it's going to shine I like the escape concept but if it works uh we'll talk more about structure in a minute I'm going to get to structure after I finish these last lines Dr. Boron is seen entering the chamber she emerges two minutes and 22 seconds later with SCP 3333 by her side is it important that it's two minutes and 22 seconds later or is it or could it just be she emerges carrying SCP 3333 or she emerges with SCP 3333 I don't know could go either way Dr. Boronica checks the door and indicates that it is locked that could be a period in another sentence or it could be a semicolon SCP 3333 is seen to tear the door off its hinges Dr. Boronica is seen to pick up SCP 3333 and move out of cameras view no alarms are triggered due to technical failures again either period or semicolon so the reason I keep saying that is because a semicolon's job is to connect two complete sentences uh that are related so I went out to lunch it was delicious that could have a semicolon in the middle if you're connecting two whole sentences semicolon if one of them is a sentence fragment that's when you throw a comment in there so Dr. Boronica checks the door and indicates that it is locked that is a sentence SCP 3333 is seen to tear the door off its hinges that's a sentence so that could be a semicolon or a period rather than a comma it could be either a period or a semicolon depending on how you want the structure to be but it should not be a comma I don't think and the same for Dr. Boronica is seen to pick up SCP 3333 and move out of the cameras view no alarms are triggered due to technical failures the containment breach was not detected until 12 minutes spell out 12 afterwards comma at which point mobile task force gamma 4 put a hyphen in between gamma and 4 is mobilized to respond no sign of SCP 3333 was found on site 19 capital S hyphen 19 and it is unclear how SCP 3333 or Dr. Clark managed to leave site 19 put the hyphen in there following the conclusion of incident 3333-C Dr. Clark has been reclassified as person of interest 3333-A and recovery efforts are underway to recapture SCP 3333 cool that my friends is the entire nitpick phase 4 Boron bases work in progress so any final notes from the audience in the chat I think my final note is again on story structure um I think you've got 2 test logs for the incident but they both amount to uh creature freaks out kills who's not Veronica so yes it hurts her the second time that's a little different but I'm not sure you need both logs I don't know maybe injuring her and him taking care of her at the end is enough to justify a second log but they're both fairly long long logs at least a page of ipad screen and what we accomplish is A that uh it kills him and not her and B it kills one and not her but it also hurts her and is sad about it I don't know if that's enough to justify both if it were me and again this is all the subjective stuff now we've gotten through the technical writing a little more subjective stuff talking about this I think we have our cute critter who's super destructive I don't know how much of that you're gonna change but you're gonna change parts of it but what interests me is how she got away right now it's just cute critter liked by a researcher and helped to escape but I feel like more of the story could be in how they got away together maybe again that's opinion, that's me other people might have something to say uh Dillagat points out no there are two different tests there should be two different logs what I'm saying is maybe there shouldn't be two different tests maybe we can get it all done in one or maybe the second result comes up somewhere else like during the escape she's injured and he's seen trying to help her now this may be a relevant since this is the universe of SCP where almost nothing makes sense but I don't see something inside of a common wall in that taking down a door that's probably reinforced um okay well it was let me see in the incident log I want to check before I say this alright so this seems to be a regular door as opposed to uh reinforced like containment door although the doors to the outside are what's the phrase again the doors to the outside of the site are probably reinforced as well and we know that a 10 centimeter 10 centimeter steel door can stop it so probably it's not too keen on exchanging that uh yeah what I think is I think the escape needs to be fleshed out I want to know how they got away I want to know what her plan was I want to know how she did it cause then that's like all of your story setting him up can actually be a lot shorter you don't need two different tests you just need them bonding in story somehow and then your story is their great escape and it's a like Lilo and Stitch the it's the teamwork we're going to go in together and that we're friends and we're going to make it and you could end it in true foundation shape with it going badly and she gets injured and they don't get away and it's sad or you could make it a happy ending and they fell in Louise out and that could be something different for the foundation so whether it goes bad or whether it goes good we don't have a lot of foundation escape stories like the foundation escaping it's happened but I don't think it's been elaborated on and that could be an interesting angle if not for your story then for us story if you want to write that scp go for it write an interesting breakout story or like an scp heist like Oceans 11 and they get it out but overall I hope this has been helpful I hope this helps Boron Biggs to improve the skp I hope this helps all of the viewers to both learn more about their writing and learn more about their critiquing I think at right about an hour and a half we had a pretty good run at this skp so I would like to thank all of you guys for tuning in to the pilot episode of site 42's critique well we'll critique me later the site 42 critique lab pilot episode great success I want to thank you guys for tuning in remember we can keep doing this I've got our second one now because Colt sent me his scp I think we'll do this as a weekly show I can do this every Friday we'll get skips, we'll read them, we'll critique them this will be a good time remember help out the channel do things like liking and sharing and subscribing and patreoning and things like that we'll keep building the channel and the scp community as a whole we thank you guys foundation staff we just did a good deed for the scp community we just helped a burgeoning author we just helped the community make better writing all of us are going to do better because we sat here and came to class good work everybody thank you so much see you guys in the next video peace