 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely, delightful internet friends. I want to preface today's video by saying that if you are new to my channel, I usually have a little bit more energy than this. I'm usually a little bit more smiling, a little bit more peppy, but today I'm just gonna come to you as I actually am. I wanted to share with you a story today of the first time that I've ever been genuinely scared for my life. I realize that sounds dramatic, but it also felt dramatic because as someone who deals with chronic illness and chronic pain, I have been in and out of the hospital, I have seen more doctors than literally I can count. I've been to the ER many times, but I've never had a moment of thinking, oh my god, that was almost it. Like if I, I was, like I was so close to potentially losing my life because I wasn't listening to my body because as someone with chronic issues, you kind of become accustomed to writing pain off and not paying attention to it because you feel it all the time. So I wanted to share the story to let you guys know what's been going on, but also as a reminder to those of us who do deal with weird body stuff, be that chronic pain, chronic illness, something else that if something feels off, it's very important to get it checked out because I almost didn't. And if I didn't, this story would have a very different ending. So with that being said, allow me to take you to two weeks ago. I woke up at one o'clock in the morning in a lot of pain, a lot of lower abdominal pain, a lot of lower back and sort of up into my flank pain. And initially I didn't really think anything of it because that's not that abnormal. I deal with a lot of pain pretty much every day. So I got up because I knew I couldn't sleep upstairs. I came downstairs. I made myself a little nest with blankets. I put a heating pad on my lower back. I was going to make myself some tea. I get ready to try to just pass on the couch downstairs and go to sleep, but that lower back like flank pain was just weird, right? Like I don't usually get pain there. So after thinking about it for a while, I hobble upstairs. I wake up my dear sweet husband who had a meeting at like six in the morning. I was like, Hey, I'm super sorry. I know everything's fine. I know this is nothing because we've been here before and we'll be here again. But I think I need to go in the ER because I'm having trouble breathing and can't really stand up straight and just the pain is different. So we get up, we go in the car right over is awful because the bumps in the road like spike the pain up so much. So by the time I got there, I was like, yeah, it was probably maybe it was a good idea to come in, but I'm also very used to going to an emergency room or going to a hospital or going to a doctor's appointment for people to be like, everything's fine. We're not even sure why you came in in so many words. So I fully expected that to be the case. They start running labs, do a CT scan and come in to tell me, Joe, you have a very serious kidney infection that's pretty advanced. Why did you not come in sooner? Like they immediately started me on IV antibiotics. Eventually when they sent me home, they sent me home with very high doses of a pretty darn strong antibiotic to kind of knock that out of my system and as kindly as they could were honestly scolding me for waiting so long. Right? Like you shouldn't wait so long if something's wrong. You know, this this almost turned septic that could have killed you. In fact, the nurse told me right before I left. She was like, just so you know, there was a 19 year old girl here who was expecting last week who died because she waited like you did. Like you really need to come in. If you think something's wrong, you know, please take care of yourself. And at that moment, I started crying, which I don't really do often in front of doctors. I don't do super often in front of anybody. But in that moment, I was hit by the realization that as someone who is in a lot of pain who deals with weird body stuff that oftentimes doesn't have an answer. Though we are getting very close to that answer. You will hear in future videos. I've completely lost the gauge for what's serious potentially life threatening or what's just a normal day, which is a normal day of my body feeling. Not great. I was in a significant amount of pain and I was going to write it off as I don't know cramps and pass out on the couch with a heating pad. Like I can't express to you how close I was to just doing that and not bothering with going in because I knew it was just going to be nothing. I'm so glad there was some part of my body or my subconscious that was like, Yeah, this is a little bit different, a little bit different. Maybe you should go in, but just sort of the understanding that I have no idea what's serious or not after living in a body that for 20 years has been painful and uncomfortable. I am so ready, willing and able to label anything weird or odd or off as just just my body's being weird, right? It does these things. But if I had done that this time, very, very possibly would have died. And that was the first moment in my life when I've ever felt real fear of like, Oh, I don't have a compass. I don't have an accurate gauge for what is normal versus abnormal anymore to know when my life might be in danger, right? Like, am I having a heart attack or is it just a normal day of all of the symptoms of a heart attack that women get that I'm having, but I know I'm perfectly fine? I think that's one of the most bizarre things about being a chronic pain and illness person is it feels like for normal people, if you're like, Oh man, my stomach's really hurting. It's not going away. This feels weird. I should get it checked out. Like that's a normal thing to do. But when you're someone who that's like a daily occurrence, you just try your best to like move on, forget about it, keep working anyways, do whatever you can. And it's hard to know. I said this probably too much in this video, but it's really hard to know what's serious and what's just your body being dumb, right? Like just your body doing what your body does because your body has issues. And I hope to kind of personally learn from this experience to pay a little closer attention is different symptoms that I'm having and to maybe not write everything off. But I'll be honest, it is very unnerving. Is this life threatening or is this a normal Tuesday? If you are someone who deals with chronic issues, let me know if you felt this way in the comment section down below. And if you're someone who doesn't, but maybe know someone who does, I just want to let you know that this might be something that they're dealing with and going through and when they're talking about symptoms or, you know, don't know what to do. It is genuinely confusing. It's really hard living in a body that functions differently than the average person because sometimes you don't know what to do. But it's very important to listen to yourself, to listen to your gut, to your intuition and to get checked out even if it's super inconvenient and just feels stupid and is also really expensive. It is worth doing if it could save your life or save you from something very, you know, more difficult to go through. Also, side note, kidney infections would not recommend them. Not super fun. I don't know if you guys have ever had a kidney infection. You know, I always knew that your kidneys were kind of generally and like you'd feel them like in your back. I used to fight MMA and I like knew what a kidney shot was. I knew that was like super painful for people. But man, I know exactly where my kidneys are now and I would like to not feel them ever again. It was not like the worst thing ever, but it was significantly uncomfortable. So if you think you might have something going on with your, you know, kidneys, get it checked out. I do want to note for anyone who's been following along on Instagram, I'd love to see you there if you feel like joining me or in my past video. There's been a lot more that has occurred over the last two weeks when it comes to the world of medicine and doctors and really bad experiences and also an actual diagnosis, which is cool, terrifying, really not sure yet. So the next few videos are going to be me talking about a few of those experiences, talking about some of the issues surrounding those. There is a plane flying overhead. Hopefully you can still hear me. It's really loud. I'm going to wait until it passes. I'm sharing some of the good bad and the ugly. So if you are interested, I would love to see you in those videos. If that's not your cup of tea, skip the next couple. I'll see you after that. But enough things have occurred that I really want to talk about because I think they matter. I think they matter on a much larger scale than my little life. So be looking for those in the near future as I am able to film them. But I feel very out of sorts today. I don't feel all right just yet. I'm not sure if that comes through or not. But if it does, that's what's going on. I'm just kind of struggling, kind of having a hard time. But I'll be all right. Do you like how my voice kind of quivered there for a second? I will be a-okay. It's just something to get through. So I will see you guys in the near future. I am not sure when. As soon as I am able to film again, to you watching this video, thank you so much for spending a few minutes out of your day here listening to me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else and you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes. I really appreciate that. A huge thank you goes out to all my patrons over on Patreon. I cannot express to you how much your support, especially during the last couple of weeks when I have not been able to work a lot, it's been incredibly helpful and enabled me to like actually be able to rest when I needed to. So thank you for your support. It means the world to me. And thanks for being here guys. I love you. I'm thinking about you. And I'll see you in the next video. Bye guys.