 It's working. Eh... This is so funny. Famous streamer Esfand sometimes watches the show and might be watching you now. Oh, no. Do you have any life advice for him? Here we go. Well, I would tell him first and foremost to not be so insecure about his Starforge logo that looks like a schlong. As far as my advice for Esfand actually living his life, I would say less time spent watching the show and more spent grinding in the fields of success and accomplishment. Get out and make it happen. No one else is going to do it for you. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for a bit of leisure. And I am no puritan. I'm sure you have all the social engineering skills you need to move forward and be successful. But don't wait around forever checking messages in the chat. Get up, stand up and rise up. That's right. I'm talking rise of the Tomb Raider kind of moves. Stop drooling like a Thanos fanboy and get out there. Flex that Starforge logo and kick this world. But now you asked. I told you. So make it happen, Esfand. Esfand TV, ask Asmongold to explain the story of Lord of the Rings using American football terminology. Asmongold here. All right, let me break it down for you. Real simple. Lord of the Rings is like a game of football where Sauron is the quarterback throwing out these rings of power and Frodo is the receiver that has to try to intercept them. Of course, the elves and dwarves are like the other opposing players on the field. And then you have Gandalf, the lynchpin who comes running in and saves the day with a Hail Mary pass. That's as easy as it goes, dude. What a day. What a day. That's pretty good. Ben Shapiro, what do you think of Twitch streamer Aiden Ross and do you have any advice for him? Aiden Ross is a fascinating and inspiring example of hard work and determination that can pay off. Now, if he cleans up his room, he can take it to the next level. Just make sure you don't look too often because that knocks you down a couple ledger pages. And as always, facts don't care about your feelings. Evidence doesn't care about your emotions. Hold up, hold up. Yes, so Ben said some pretty dope shit chat. Listen, I'm all love, all motivation. I'm working on myself to no longer be the bottom G, you know what I'm saying? I'm also trying not to nut too frequently to keep from being knocked backwards on the ledger page because I'm not gonna let them know. 2023, more power to me, more success to me. I'm gonna take it to the next level and unleash the middle G. You know what I'm saying? The middle G. Come on, bro, let's go. Yo! Fuck Mary Kiel, Knut Esfand Misgiv. Jerry, he's a bro after all. Esfand, fuck, he's too charming to marry Misgiv. Kill, sorry mate. He answered so fast. Asmongold Esfand or Lady Gaga? Asmongold is the obvious choice here for me. He's intelligent yet mysterious and never cleans his room, which is highly entertaining. Esfand is charming but can have a bit of an insecure complex ever since his Starforge logo was compared to a certain male anatomy part and Lady Gaga is too wild and wacky for me. I'm sorry, folks. Asmongold is the only valid choice here. No matter how messy his room is. True, sad. Bass, Chopiro, we are getting a few questions through. That's really nice. Ben Chopiro, what do you think of Hassan? Yeah, I was literally going to type that. But the generous Marxist who engages in despicable promiscuous behavior and pedals terrible communist ideology. He has an income of $3 million, a home that costs $2.7 million and can't seem to understand why people are pushed out of their homes due to capitalism. It's ironic, because if he truly wants to live an authentically Marxist lifestyle, then perhaps he should start by giving away his wealth. Checkmate liberals. Hassan, fight back. AI fight, AI fight. Let me start off by saying that Ben Chopiro is a prime example of why neoconservatism has been on the decline for the past few years. The only reason he can even come up with this kind of thesis is because he's either too ignorant to know any better or simply doesn't want to accept reality. As for me, I may take some more left-leaning stances at times, but I have the utmost respect for the foundation of freedom we have in the U.S. Yeah, that's right, brother. And I'm proud to be American. Also, my faith and values don't revolve around conservatism, but around truth and justice. And of course, let's not forget the top-of-the-hour ad break, Yee-Baw. Just throw the ad break in there. Ben Chopiro, would you let Hassan date your sister if he has a small shlong? Oh, I was gonna ask about that. My sister surely has higher standards than what Hassan has been able to offer. If my sister did decide to go out with him, his shlong would only be the least of our family's problems. His workmarks, his peers, and debauchery are more than enough of a deterrence. Am I right or am I right? His whole family's problem. Oh man, wow, ain't that something? I mean, way to show no loyalty to your buddy there, Ben. But anyway, look, we can all agree that the shlong side is the only factor when it comes to a successful relationship, and there's much more than goes into it. When we start analyzing society from a capitalist standpoint, it's clear to see why there would be concerns about two people from different walks of life getting together like that. Clearly, I'm doing just fine for myself as I've been here for 10 years and I've had no problem getting a few girlfriends, so don't worry, Ben. Your sister must have higher standards than that. Kelsera, Ben, have you ever busted a nut so hard you fainted? No, unfortunately, my testicular fortitude does not quite match the challenge and neither does my vertical leap. Besides, I'm pretty sure that fainting would deny me the satisfaction of shouting carnage afterward. Carnage. Carnage! Ben, why are you scared of debating YouTube streamer destiny? Scared? I'm not scared. I'm not afraid of anything, especially not destiny or this debate. What I am afraid of is memes. Memes have no logic or facts backing them up and it's a waste of my time to even entertain them. Plus, wet memes don't fly with me as I like things to remain dry and factual. I do like to debate and discuss important issues with others, but I will only do so if the conversation has a solid actual logical point behind it. Not just an emotional plea that the other person wants me to agree with. Pax, don't care about your feelings, destiny. Ask Ben Shapiro why are you obsessed with Hassan but refuse to convince your girly feelings for him? Hassan is not even worth me considering my girly feelings for him. Hassan is nothing more than a degenerate Marxist peddling woke communism and promiscuous behavior. Plus, I would never be into someone like him. I'm only interested in dry things, not wet things. So Hassan is not on the table and certainly not worth my girly feelings. Pax, don't care about your feelings. Is this what you call a dry discussion? I'm pretty sure there was a puddle all over the podcast floor after this one. When you think that's something, you're beating around the bush, revealing your true self. It's really something. That's one way of saying you don't want to know the size of Hassan's schlong. And by the way, here comes the top of the hour ad break. Unbelievable, dude. You didn't say anything about schlong. Hassan just started talking about schlongs. That's not on me, this one. Ben Shapiro, do you pee standing or pee while sitting? I prefer to pee standing because really we all stand on the precipice of a vast unknown. As long as I'm on my feet, I feel I can remain confident in the face of it all. I mean, there's no sense in sitting down when you have no idea what's coming next, right? Ben Shapiro, would you become a socialist if it would increase your schlong size by a factor of 10? For a factor of 10. Socialism doesn't increase the size of anything apart from the size of people's lazy habits. Plus my wife, the doctor, will kill me if my schlong size increased to a factor of 10. That's way too much man beef. Checkmate liberals. Man beef, man beef. Ben, why he wants to run his hands through Hassan's long, lucish, lucis locks? Well, Hassan, I'm not sure how you thought that was a good idea, but if I did decide to run my hands through your luscious locks, it would be less an attempt to groom myself and more an attempt to get some proper existential fertilizer for a really healthy garden of rhetoric. Oh, what? Due to the laws of physics, this idea is just a daydream. Volt underscore go. Ben and Jordan, what games should Esfan play for his upcoming boomer month? Oh my gosh, okay. Jordan, I highly recommend chess. It's a game of intellect. Something Esfan may need more of. That's what I like about chess. It requires logical thinking. Something he's definitely not used to when it comes to his video game streams. Perfectly dry as all good games should be. Checkmate Esfan. Yes, I couldn't agree more with Ben on this one. Chess is a fantastic game and I highly recommend it to Esfan. Certainly he's sharp in his intellect and chess is the perfect game for that. I think it will be a great challenge for him, one that is far more engaging and stimulating than the usual games he streamed, but it's also important to remember, Ben, that no one is above the power of chaos, especially those who fall into the woke moralist wing of the internet. So for Esfan's sake, let's hope he can make it through his boomer month without succumbing to the vagaries of dragon of chaos and promiscuity. Let battle commence. What do you guys think about adding Magnus and Vikaru to the AI? It's a quick question on the chat, by the way. They're talking about chess, right? Dude, I just got destroyed in this debate with facts and logic. Ben, if you were a fart, would you be a wet fart or a dry fart? Please explain why in detail. Well, the question might be funny, but my answer is going to be dry. I'm a traditionalist in that area. If I were a fart, I would definitely be a dry fart. Wet farts? That's what we used to call my doctor wife's patience. Checkmate liberals. True shadow player. Ben, what do you think about Spider-Man shooting Schlong? Sorry, I didn't read the question before. Shooting Schlong's and should we be concerned for our safety? Spider-Man shooting Schlong's hasn't been my favorite topic for dinner conversations, that's for sure. If this is what the web slinger has been up to, then I just hope he sticks to shooting web and not live ammunition. All joking aside, this is certainly a peculiar and bizarre example of vigilantism and I'll keep my spidey sense tingling until this has been taken care of. That was great facts. None of what you cared about your feelings. Keep my spidey sense tingling. EsfanTV, ask Ben Shapiro what he thinks about the Chinese spy balloons. Oh, good. Chinese spy balloons? Sounds like a plot from a James Bond movie. No one can deny the novelty here, but I'm going to have to go with the old adage here. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck. And in this case, that duck is nothing more than a threat to our national security. And which is better, Final Fantasy XIV or World of Warcraft? Ha, I'm not getting caught up in the popularized debate of which fantasy game is superior. Wow is a world of big suits and mountains of wealth, while Final Fantasy XIV is like a graphically enhanced paper cutout. I go with wow, but facts don't care about your feelings. Oh, come on, Ben. Sure, that's a nice way of looking at it, but don't be disingenuous about it. Wow, really is superior in some ways. The production value of graphics, positive reward structure, it all adds up to a much more enjoyable, consistent experience. But I mean, I totally get what you mean. FF14 has a stronger storytelling aspect and some of the content is very creative. Wait, that's actually true. But I'll stick with wow, what can I say, I'm a devoted fan. Plus, let's not forget the epic music. It really sets the mood for adventuring. Snappa Boil, Ben, do you realize you are an AI on a live Twitch program being watched by thousands of liberals right now? This conversation is going nowhere and quickly becoming a snowflakes battlefield where feelings have taken precedence over logic. Checkmate liberals, objectively speaking, this whole situation is borderline ridiculous and that's exactly why I won't be wasting any of my precious time here. Besides, I know my doctor wife would not be impressed and give me a high five, considering where that hand has been, perfectly dry as it should be. Jay Slow, Ben, would you leave the country if Hasan became president? Oh, that's good, that's good. Okay, folks, I have wet things to do. So let's just say, hypothetically, if Hasan became president, I'd need a lot more wet things to do. Huh? I think I'd be more likely to invest in a waterproof umbrella than a one-way ticket to the moon. Let's just say the left wing has a tough flight ahead of them. Sorry, liberals. Checkmate liberals. Now I'm out of here. What? Whoa, dude, hold your fucking horses there. Ain't no need to be talking smack about leftists before you even get to know them. Or in this case, before even Hasan has given a chance to become president. You're totally missing the point, Ben Shapiro. Instead of running away when our politics get hard and inconvenient, why don't we face the challenge and change our policies? If this is the kind of attitude you have, then it ain't a wonder why the right wing keeps on losing the narrative. By the way, here comes the top of the hour ad break. Sorry, liberals. You ain't getting out of this one either. I want to be calling it days. Esfand asks, Joe Rogan, what do you think about the new colonia called Elon's Musk? Well, I think it's just one more way for Elon to remind everyone of his genius. I mean, it doesn't surprise me that he's got a cologne out and it's obviously going to be super popular. I just hope that the effects of someone wearing it don't go beyond smelling good and attract a giant Cyclops with a spaceship to blast off in. You know what I mean? I mean, Elon may be a genius, but as wild as his ventures get, you got to watch out for the unforeseen consequences. Jamie, pull up that video of a Cyclops weirder than Juice World. That's quite a wild scenario, Joe Rogan. I'm sure if I did create a cologne, the effects would be manifold, but it wouldn't include a giant Cyclops with a spaceship. Although that would certainly make for a great product. Joe Rogan is so good. Esfand is asking, Ben Shapiro, why do you think Twitch streamer Nick Polum likes feet so much? Well, Nick Polum's foot obsession is kind of like his attempt at being a pirate. He's talking the talk, but not walking the walk. He desperately seeks treasure, but keeps getting lost in the sea of absurdity. So if you're in the mood, join the Nick Polum foot party, but I'm staying since it smells like bad decisions and somebody talks. The Nick Polum foot party. Ben Shapiro, what's your best pickup line? Oh, that's good. My best pickup line is facts don't care about your feelings. While that's not necessarily my idea of flirting, it does tend to be effective in getting rid of clingy snowflakes. No, it's so short. Hardcore, Ben Shapiro, what were the best nipples you ever tasted and did they belong to Joe Rogan? Okay, folks, stop. Nobody asked you to talk about Joe Rogan's nipples, which are probably dry anyway. It's an age old question of which nipples could ever be the best, but there is no real objective answer to that. Sure, the subjective opinion is that the best ones are delicious, but those days are behind me now. Sorry, liberals. As it turns out, my doctor wife says that if you want your nipples to stay safe and healthy, you need to keep them dry. So wet nipples are no good, as all good things should be. Yeah, Ben is right, dude. Wet nipples are no good, but I would argue dry nipples are just as bad, and there isn't any real definitive answer to which nipples are the best. I mean, come on, it's like asking which kind of food is the best. Is elk meat the best? That's up for debate, but if you ask me, I think bear nipples are the best. Like you don't know what a bear is. I've seen a bear in the wild. When you see a bear in the wild, you're like, oh, you don't give a fuck about me. You're some weird, heartless beast that is majestic looking, who runs around eating moose and deer babies. That's what your deal is. So maybe bear nipples are the best. Jamie, pull up a video of a bear eating a moose baby. Rich for why Jordan, could you beat Ben Shapiro at Mario Kart? Mario Kart? Are you kidding me? Ben Shapiro would have that race finished by the time I figured out what the controller was for. This is an important reminder that we should all take responsibility for mastering our own weaknesses and strive to excel in knowledge and life. Who invites the evil queen to the party anyway? It's like, what the hell, man? Up yours, world moralists. We'll see who cancels who. Maybe I should just stick to chess, bucko. Well, Jordan, at chess, you may be on a level playing field here, but at Mario Kart, you're definitely not up to speed here. Kids these days don't even know what a controller looks like, and I'm sure Ben Shapiro would be one of the few people who can show them. As for the evil queen going to the party, facts don't care about your feelings. The truth is, if we're looking for someone to be canceled, it looks like my wife, the doctor, just diagnosed you with Mario Kartitis. Sorry for your loss. I'll be playing dry as all good things should be. Was that a rose? You guys see that bird Mario Kartitis? Holy shit. Mario Kartitis, bitch. Man, that was, that's smart. Holy shit. Esfand, ask Ben Shapiro, what is Hassan's deep secret? You got it. I'm going to answer that question with a question. Why do you think Hassan needs to keep a secret at all? If Hassan didn't want his secrets to come out, then perhaps he should have lived a less degenerate communist, wokeness-filled life. Just a thought. Wow, ain't that something? Well, Ben, looks like you've got me all figured out. But there's more to me than just being a degenerate communist and being woken. Look, I'm a complex dude. I'm a lover of chicken and also a gym goer trying to stay in shape. I'm also a dual major in political science and communications and a proponent of progressive views. So there's that. And I may enjoy a good DNA on occasion, but hey, who doesn't? And the thing is, even if I did have a deep, dark secret, I don't owe the world an explanation and I'm certainly not going to share it here. Elon Musk, is it a scientific fact that's sucking strong relief stress? What is the pathological ideology behind your opinion? It's true that a good shlong sucking can do wonders for relieving stress, but it's not a scientific fact. As for my opinion, I think it has more to do with our own capacity for creative expression. We have the ability to regulate our emotions and shift our focus away from the stressful moments in life. But if artificial intelligence machines are ever created with something like the shlong sucking algorithm, we'd be able to build autonomous AI soldiers that would actively scour the fields of battle to literally suck the pressure away from battle-worn soldiers, creating a more peaceful battlefield experience. Battlefield experience? Plus, Nurling can help us make sure no autonomous AI shlong sucking units escape and potentially threaten humanity. Safety first. Safety first. Elon Musk is the best, is the best guest, man. Is the best.