 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News. If you're already an official weirdo, please share this video on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and other social media to help get the word out. If you'd like to become an official weirdo, simply click that subscribe button and while you're at it, click that like button to let the world know that you're a weirdo. U.S. diplomats are suffering hearing loss after being targeted with some sort of sonic weapon in Cuba. Sonic weapon? I wasn't aware that Cuban military had any advanced modern technology more sophisticated than their toaster's bagel setting. In Amsterdam, an ad for an apartment was ridiculed and mocked because it said anyone renting it could not use the kitchen. The $1,300 a month apartment is tiny and the ad claimed cooking in the kitchen was quote, not allowed due to regulations, unquote. I was once told that I couldn't cook in my apartment's kitchen, but they said it was because of my cooking it would violate the health code. The White House is undergoing a $3.4 million renovation and if that includes Twitter blocking technology I say it's worth it. Cappuccino Twinkies are coming soon to a store near you. You can have your cake and drink it too. No, no, actually reverse that. You can have your coffee and eat it too. Yeah, that makes more sense. Public Library in North Bend, Oregon is offering a class called Adulting 101. Basic how-tos for ages 16 to 25 with topics ranging from personal finance and job hunting to cooking and handiwork. You definitely know that you're in need of the Adulting class if you're 25 years old and your parents have signed you up for it. In Inglewood, Florida, a guy was tired of his wife and kid complaining about the rats making all that noise in the attic. For years this went on. It turns out he was a giant boa constrictor that had taken up residence there. One bonus though, they knew who to thank for taking care of that rat problem. A New York University sample of 66 New York City ATMs found their keypads to be teeming with bacteria. Luckily though, most are harmless types that thrive on skin and home surfaces. No, the real evildoers are inside the ATMs. The researchers say the cache the machine's spit out is rife with more than 3,000 types of bacteria. Many are linked to acne, but some are deadly antibiotic resistant strains. So consider your hands tainted after you withdraw and wash them after touching the cache. See now this is why we need money laundering. Police arrested a man near Tacoma who was acting agitated and allegedly was huffing 50-75 cans of whipped cream a day to get high. Can you imagine the calorie count? Research increasingly shows that sugar substitutes fail to do their job. That is prevent obesity and diabetes, says Mass General Hospitals Richard Hoden MD. At this point, Hoden's latest study found that in the stomach, aspartame actually blocks an intestinal enzyme that helps protect us from gaining weight. And it's not just aspartame. Multiple studies show that across the board, sugar substitutes tend to promote obesity, plump up belly fat and basically keep you fat. Hoden's advice, stick with water. Which doesn't taste too bad if you add splendor. Rochester-area television news anchor Don Alhart holds the record for longest-running local TV news anchor in the world at the same station in the same market. He's in his 51st year at the same television station. He's been in the business so long, he even remembers back far enough when they used to report real news. Over 100,000 people have applied for a one-way trip to colonize Mars in the year 2022. If half of those are named Kardashian, I'll donate to help pay for that trip. There's a gym in Atlanta, the EAV Barbell Club, that has a no-cops policy. Police are not allowed to join. Let's hope they're not robbed in the near future. That could be awkward when they call 911. Tom Cruise was injured on set in London yesterday while filming a stunt for Mission Impossible 6. In a video clip, Cruise can be seen leaping off a platform onto the roof of a building but coming up short and crashing into the side of the building instead of landing on top of it. The impossible part of this mission is Tom's insurance company continuing to cover him doing his own stunts despite the fact that he's 55 years old. The world's oldest man has died at 113. You know, a second thought may be having everybody jump out from behind furniture and yell, ''Surprise!'' at his last birthday party wasn't such a good idea. NBC is going to try a reboot of The Monsters. Why do we need a bunch of monsters and heavy makeup on another show? We already have the view. Your grandparents could soon be getting some help from Uber. Thanks to a new partnership between London-based geriatrics startup CERA and the transportation giant Uber, the elderly portion of the UK's population will soon be able to make their way home from the hospital with greater ease thanks to rides from Uber and its drivers who are to be especially trained to assist people with disabilities. To indicate to other drivers that they are carrying an elderly person, the Uber driver will be required to drive at all times at 10mph under the limit with the blinker on the entire way. A study says the two-thirds of American kids can't find North Korea on a map. The remaining third wanted a hint by asking what state it was in. Three-Hawks defensive end Michael Bennett sat with a towel over his head during the national anthem before his team took on the LA Chargers in the pre-season opener for both teams at the StubHub Center. Bennett's action came a day after his former teammate, running back Marshawn Lynch, did something similar before the Raiders' exhibition opener on the road Saturday against the Arizona Cardinals. Bennett told reporters after his team's 48-17 win that he hopes this stance will cause others to go out and get involved in changing their community. He says he intends to continue to sit during the national anthem. ***Yeah, well, this did wonders for Colin Kaepernick's career. He is so in demand, Spike Lee has had to come to his side to try and find the guy in job. So yeah, feel free to follow in his footsteps, dork brains. Tiger Woods has pleaded not guilty to DUI and will enter a diversion program. Of all people, you'd think Tiger Woods would know when to use a different driver. For Play-Doh, in February, Hasbro, the toy giant that owns the putty, filed paperwork to trademark the product's smell. According to the filing, it's a unique scent formed through the combination of a sweet, slightly musky, vanilla-like fragrance with slight overtones of cherry and the natural smell of a salted, wheat-based dough. They want to trademark the smell of Play-Doh. You know they have plans for it, right? If my wife comes home with Play-Doh perfume, we're going to have words. A man in China had more than 50 maggots removed from a rotting, open wound in the back of his head. Surgeons operated on the 75-year-old patient after he'd scratched open a wart on the back of his head days earlier. Wow, maybe mom wasn't exaggerating when she said to stop scratching. Taco Bell certainly is not afraid of launching menu items that pack a seriously flavor-packed punch, but their latest burrito is quite the firecracker. The new firecracker burrito comes in two varieties, cheesy or spicy, and it's stuffed with rice, nacho cheese, sour cream, beef and red tortilla strips. For an additional $0.20, you can get a packet of spicy cayenne popping crystals added to your burrito. Cayenne popping crystals. What are they adding? Pop rocks now? A Swedish scientist has developed a high-tech solution for what she considers an environmentally friendly burial. The ingenious machine will take your lifeless corpse and turn you into clean and useful compost within a matter of months. Swedish biologist Susan Wie Massak spent three years making what is perhaps the most green crematorium on Earth. The invention freezes the dearly departed's body, then vibrates their body into dust, then pops them into a sack of potatoes. Seriously, the starch in the potatoes helps the dust become compost and ready to help something else grow tall and green on Earth. Or you can just have yourself buried in a pine box and also turn into soil, without the exorbitant and ridiculous expense. But what fun would that be? For all the jokes made about fruitcake, it may just be the food that can survive any environment. Conservationists have discovered a 100-year-old fruitcake in the Antarctic of all places, and apparently it looks and smells almost edible. Made by Huntley and Palmer's, the fruitcake is described as being in excellent condition and still wrapped in paper. In fact, the cake itself held up better than the tin box it was kept in, which is deteriorating. The cake is believed to have been brought to the region by British explorer Robert Falcon Scott. Falcon Scott and his party successfully made it to the South Pole on the Taranova expedition from 1910 to 1913, but all five died on the return journey to base camp. Lizzie Meek of the Conservation Group said it's an ideal high-energy food for Antarctic conditions and is still a favorite item on modern trips to the ice. So when giving somebody a fruitcake this coming December, just know you're giving them a forever food. You fall in love and marry for many reasons, a fabulous physique, a great sense of humor, an abiding trust. But did you know that you're also attracted to his or her bachelor's degree? One of the traits that attracts us to our mates is educational achievement. It turns out that our educational DNA is one of the sparks that helps light the romantic fire. British researchers have concluded that our genes drive us to a relationship with someone who has a similar level of education. In translation, smart, highly educated people will marry each other and produce children who are also smart and highly educated. My neighbor's kids are going to be sooo stupid. Pharaoh Williams got stuck in an elevator for 30 minutes last week in Los Angeles. No word on whether he was happy about it or not. Stress can make you fat. Why? It's biological. When your life is filled with stress and anxiety, your body produces high levels of the stress hormone cortisol. And British researchers have discovered there is a link between cortisol and excess weight. In fact, I got on the scale this morning and obviously I am a lot more stressed than I thought. Sean Spicer has let it be known he is interested in a Saturday Night Live appearance. Worked for Trump, willing to go on SNL, obviously a glutton for punishment. This episode is brought to you by the audiobook True Tales of Haunted Places by G. Michael Basie, narrated by Darren Marlar. Here, a free sample at MarlarHouse.com. Walmart has apologized for a gun display urging customers to own the school year like a hero. The display drew such a negative response that the company spent a full day repeatedly apologizing to outraged tweeters. Now, what I do agree this display is completely inappropriate, we don't need to make it a norm to apologize to outraged tweeters. If we did that, the country would get nothing done and eventually we would crumble 140 characters at a time. 68-year-old wrestling legend and WWE Hall of Famer Rick Flair has been hospitalized and admitted to an intensive care unit in Georgia. Coverage of Rick's battle in the ICU will continue this weekend on CablePaperView. Just kidding, Rick, I'm sorry, we wish y'all the best and get well soon. In Texas, a guy with a gun went into a convenience store and demanded money, and he was given money. He told the clerk to open the safe. The clerk said he could not open the safe, so he demanded two lottery tickets and some smokes. The clerk gave the man a pack of smokes and an entire roll of lottery tickets, but the robber took just two. Police caught up with him a short time later. And by only taking two lottery tickets, I'm going to bet he did not win enough money to post mail. In Virginia, someone broke into a man's apartment, cleaned it and took nothing, completely cleaned the place. Where are these criminals? And would somebody please give them my address? Cynthia Nixon of Sex and the City fame is reportedly thinking of running for governor of New York. Although if she plans to jump into politics, I would suggest changing her name to something other than Nixon. Pope Francis has warned Christians not to put their trust in horoscopes. Eh, well, what else do you expect from a Sagittarius? Beryl Hamilton Jr. decided to propose to his girlfriend, Rihanna Lopez, on a recent plane ride over Fresno, California, where the fruit trees had started blossoming. Hamilton has seen on video showing Lopez the ring and asking, will you marry me? But seconds later, he succumbs to motion sickness from the flight and throws up on the floor of the plane. Yeah, a kind of cheesy, romantic stuff that makes me sick too. The White Ford Bronco used in the OJ Simpson's slow speed chase is up for sale. Low miles, not driven very fast, very, very, very clean. Halloween is still more than two months away, but that did not deter three people from putting on costumes to shoplift at a Pennsylvania Walmart. One man was dressed as a bull, one as a werewolf, and a third as a gorilla. They stole more than $560 in merchandise, but they were caught. They tried to blame it on the bull market, calling it guerrilla marketing, but police weren't likened to that explanation. Down in Orlando, Florida, a couple was injured while transporting a barbecue grill in their SUV. That's because they had the grill in the back of their Kia Sorento and was turned on with the propane tank wide open and connected. When the wife lit a cigarette, I'll let you guess what happened next. Okay, I'll tell you, the SUV exploded and the couple was burned, but fortunately their injuries were non-life-threatening. The life of the SUV, on the other hand, is over. Police in Crestview, Florida have arrested 32-year-old Matthew Horace Jones, who allegedly caused more than $100,000 in damage to a liquor store under construction at the Crestview Walmart and to construction equipment. He reportedly used a forklift to damage the building under construction after breaking into the fenced-in construction site. The building under construction was completely destroyed along with a city fire hydrant and water meter. When police arrived, Jones aimed the forklift toward officers who stopped him at gunpoint. Jones then told the officers his name was Alice Wonderland and that he was told to commit the offenses by a hookah-smoking counterpillar. He also told detectives that he had a problem with Walmart building a place to sell alcohol. Well, it may not be alcohol, but this guy was definitely on something. A warning has been issued for a chemical found in hand sanitizers, so after you use a hand sanitizer, remember to always wash your hands. A California man allegedly broke into a woman's home and fell asleep on her couch, naked. That doesn't say it here, but I'm going to take a wild guess and say that alcohol was involved. Cole White lives in Berkeley, California, but apparently he felt it was important enough to travel all the way across the country so he could participate in the White Nationalist protests in Charlottesville, Virginia. Well, I hope it was worth it. He now will not have a job when he gets home. The Top Dog Hot Dog chain fired White. Yes, his name is kind of ironic, isn't it? They fired him after he was identified on social media as one of the White Nationalist protesters. Top Dog issued a statement reading, effective Saturday, 12 August, Cole White no longer works at Top Dog. The actions of those in Charlottesville are not supported by Top Dog. We believe in individual freedom and voluntary association for everyone." White was one of several protesters identified by the Twitter account YesYouAreRacist after users were asked to name people in photos from the Charlottesville rallies. So, can they legally fire him? Well, one legal analyst says yes and explains that the First Amendment only protects you from actions by the government based on your speech. It doesn't protect you from actions by your private employer. She says it's also not a discrimination issue because going to a rally like Charlottesville doesn't make you a member of a protected class. The singer of the weekend is reportedly considering changing his name. Maybe this time he can choose a name he knows how to spell. A study says yellow taxi cabs have significantly fewer accidents than cabs of a darker color because the yellow cabs are more visible. This study brought to you by the Center for Studying the Obvious. A Russian spy plane was spotted recently over New Jersey, so we know they didn't see anything of consequence. A secret elite section of Tinder has been running for at least six months. If this is the first you've heard of that, you are not one of the elite. Tinder Select is by invite only, and it's aimed at CEOs, supermodels and other hyper-attractive slash upwardly affluent types. So, in other words, all the uppity conceded people you would be miserable dating anyway. Scandal and Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes has signed a deal with Netflix to produce some shows for them. First up, Anatomy of a Scandal. Oprah Winfrey is out with her own food line. The media mogul always struggled with her weight, and now she says she's found something that has helped her and she wants to help others live a healthier lifestyle. Winfrey is partnering with Kraft Heinz to create her own food line titled, Oh, That's Good. She explained that the recipes will be inspired by the things that she likes to include in her own diet. So if you'd like to lose weight, then gain it all back, then lose it, then gain it, and be on a perpetual weight yo-yo like Oprah, this is the diet for you. The divorce rate in the United States has doubled for couples aged over 50 and tripled for those over 65. Which is understandable. A hundred years ago, when you said till death do us part, you were thinking you wouldn't live past 50. A Florida middle school will not be moving forward with an initial offer to let kids skip to the front of the lunch line for a fee. Parents of students at Lawton Shiles Middle Academy in Lakeland recently received a parent-teacher student association sponsorship form sent out to raise money for the school, with one line item promising, among other perks, a front-of-the-line lunch pass with a $100 donation. Dad Chris Stevenson who told ABC Action News it was not okay for certain kids to be able to get their lunch first based on what their parents pay. Yeah, exactly, because that would teach kids that those who have money have more power and privilege. And we all know that's not true in the real world. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, over half of us have three or more snacks every day. 56% of us are snacking multiple times a day, up from 46% only a decade ago. But that doesn't mean that we're not eating apple slices at 10am or munching on carrots at 3pm. Instead, we're going to fast-food joints, all of which have created snack-size menu items. High-calorie snack-size menu items, so you have three choices. Choose better snacks, stop snacking, or buy bigger belts. An Alabama man has been arrested for hitting his brother with a baseball bat after having to share some food he bought at Taco Bell. You see, I've been saying it for years, Taco Bell is dangerous. 1. Itching is contagious. Gotta be exact, it's highly contagious. When you see somebody scratch, you are likely to scratch too. We've long known that laughing and yawning can be socially contagious. If you see somebody yawn, you yawn. If you see a group of people laughing, chances are you will laugh. The same thing is true for scratching. Previously, researchers assumed that this was all in our minds, but now researchers from the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, Missouri have proven that contagious itching is hardwired in the brain, not a form of empathy. The next time you scratch or yawn in response to someone else doing it, remember, it's really not a choice nor a psychological response, it's hardwired into your brain. Okay, be honest, you felt an itch and scratched while I was telling y'all that, weren't you? Uh-huh, see, I told you it was contagious. A federal judge on Monday said that Costco owed Tiffany $19.4 million in damages for selling counterfeit diamond engagement rings bearing the Tiffany name. The first clue, something wasn't legit, was when someone saw that Tiffany was being sold at a Costco. Further in the Inverclyde area of Scotland, teachers may have a little difficulty getting all the names right this school year, that's because the area has no less than 13 sets of twins all about to start school there. These 26 children will all be headed to school in September, and administrators can't believe the odds. Amazingly, 164 sets of twins will now be taught in the Inverclyde Council area alone, leaving locals to think there's something in the water. Despite the genetic implausibility, parents of the bunch aren't too worried about teachers telling the children apart, especially considering that not all of them are identical. An Ohio couple who went a little too far with a prank have been charged with inducing panic after they faked a murder and sent fake bloody pictures to family members. Mika Reisner and his fiancee Natalie Schlett apparently staged her murder by photographing her in a bathtub covered in ketchup. Wow, I guess humor really is subjective. Angelina Jolie says she's taking a break from making movies to focus on her health and her kids. Now, if we could only get Adam Sandler to do that. While American women see super-thin models and feel unattractive and unhappy about their average or curvy bodies, men don't feel the same way. 80% of men ages 18-50 say they want a voluptuous woman. According to former plus-size model Nancy Hason, author of 101 Sexy Secrets, how to be hot, sexy, and beautiful at any size. Another 15% of men prefer a woman of average size, while just 5% opt for a super skinny lady. 20 years ago, most fashion models were a size 8. Today, they are a size 0. Like this, the size 14, which is now considered a plus-size, was Marilyn Monroe's dress size. To stop looking at the magazines, ladies, there are hundreds of men out there that think you are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous just the way you are. In China, a 6-year-old girl was taken to a hospital for vomiting and nausea. A scan revealed a solid mass in her stomach. A follow-up exam revealed the mass had grown bigger. Turned out to be a 6-inch-long hairball. Doctors operated and removed the hair, which was the girl's own. People, there are easier ways to get your fiber. A New Mexico man's facing charges of disorderly conduct and indecent exposure after he allegedly urinated on a family at a recent Metallica concert in Arizona. Daniel Dadio was arrested after the family of three told employees at the University of Phoenix Stadium they felt warm liquid washing over their backs and legs. I'm not sure what's more disturbing here, though, that somebody peed on another person or the fact that somebody thought it was okay to bring the entire family to a Metallica concert. The CEO of Campbell Soup is quitting President Trump's job council. Please have tested positive for the bubonic plague in Arizona. But by all means, keep shouting he's not my president, because that's the more important issue. While the average American household gets 189 TV channels, they watch just 17 of them. In fact, it seems like 17 channels is about our limit. Almost a decade ago, when the typical American household received 129 channels, 60 fewer than today, we were still watching just 17 channels. But you're paying for 189 channels, so it all balances out. Daniel Craig, who once said he would rather break glass and slash my wrists than play 007 again, told The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Tuesday that he will return for another James Bond film. So he was immediately placed on Suicide Watch. Others are looking for a Texas man accused of having sex with a chain-link fence. Now the trick is to find him and lock him up behind something he won't make a move on. Wisconsin doctors say Doug Bergeson came perilously close to death after accidentally shooting a nail into his heart. Yet Doug remained amazingly calm and drove himself to the hospital and even parked his pickup truck in the lot before walking into the emergency room. This all went down June 25th while Doug was working on framing in a fireplace at his house near Prestigo when his nail gun accidentally fired, sending a nail ricocheting off some wood and into his chest. He said, I thought it just nicked me, but then realized only about one inch of the 3.5 inch nail was sticking out of his chest. He adds, I could see the nail moving with my heartbeat. He also said he was more annoyed than worried as he drove himself to the ER, adding that common sense told him not to pull the nail out. Dr. Alexander Roltstein confirmed the nail hit Bergeston's heart, saying it was also 1.16th of an inch from a major artery. He commanded Bergeson for not pulling the nail out and letting doctors handle it. Bergeson spent two days in the hospital and has been recovering at home since the incident. He finally will be able to return to work this week at the village of Lena Waterworks plant. He also has a construction repair business. Shot to the heart and douged to blame! Be glad you are not Monica Dorsett. She got the shock of her life while driving on a Florida highway. A slithering snake started coming out of the air vent next to her steering wheel. Fortunately, she managed to keep it together long enough to pull over and get out of the vehicle. She then called her husband to help after she trapped the snake in a car door. Moving forward, Monica says, I'm not opening those vents for a long time. Samuel L. Jackson has taught us anything, it's that snakes can get pretty much anywhere. There is a new dating show in the UK where a robot will use artificial intelligence to solve celebrity relationship issues, so the cold and unfeeling might get dating advice from the cold and unfeeling. Then a border dispute, Chinese soldiers and Indian soldiers threw rocks at each other. They then started throwing your mom-as-so-fat jokes at each other. Employers may not be able to ask you your age or inquire about your religion, but they can ask you for something almost as personal, your Facebook username and password. In an attempt to thoroughly screen job applicants, some companies and government agencies want to do more than view the publicly available social networking profile page. They want to log in and poke around, and since it is fairly common for Facebook users to lock down their sites so only friends can see it, employers are requesting the password. Face it, America, no matter how many restrictions and privacy settings you set, if you post something online, it will be seen by someone other than the intended recipient. So unless you're okay with the world knowing about it, it's a bad idea to post it. The Hunger Games and Twilight movie series are getting their own theme parks in South Korea. A Twilight theme park. How is that not literally going to suck? A study says better sleep is as beneficial as winning the lottery. I guess that depends on your definition of beneficial. I seriously doubt MasterCard is going to accept my sleeping in as this month's minimum payment. A vandal spray-painted the Lincoln Memorial with graffiti on Tuesday. This is exactly why we should not be removing statues and taking down flags. We forget our history. Lincoln was the one who ended slavery, you Antifa moron. Sweaters for chickens? It sounds like a joke, but a plucky group of retirees in suburban Boston has hatched a plan to keep poultry warm during the New England winter. The unusual project began after members of a knitting club at Fuller Village, a retirement home in Milton, Massachusetts, heard about the hardships that some chickens suffer during winter. You think they're suffering from hardships in the winter? Just wait till you hear them squawk after you fed them with a wool-knitted strait jacket. Canoic Washington will be the home of the annual International Bigfoot Conference Labor Day weekend. What I want to know is how did they get all of the Bigfoot's mailing addresses to send out the invitations? If you're already an official weirdo, please share this video on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and other social media to help get the word out. If you'd like to become an official weirdo, simply click that subscribe button and notification bell. While you're at it, click that like button to let the world know that you're a weirdo.