 Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, Alhamdulillah wa-salatu wa-salam Wa-ala-a-ashif al-anbiya'i wa-al-mursaleen Sayyidina wa-mawlana wa-habibina Muhammad, salallahu alayhi wa-salam, Wa-ala-ali wa sahbihi wa-salam tasbiman katfira For those of you who are joining, we are covering a very important text called Agenda to Change Our Condition, which I have right here in front of me. And what I'm going to do, inshallah, is screen share because we're going through some slides that I've created. So let me go ahead and share my screen if you just give me one moment. All right, so I'm just going to do a quick summary because some may be joining again and I want to bring them up to speed. So we're on, we're reading this text together called Agenda to Change Our Condition by Shechem Ziyusif and Imam Zaid Shakhir. We're on chapter three, which is titled Practical Steps to Change Our Condition. And we've covered so far, let's see here. We have the five pillars, active outreach and focus. That's what we, and I'll go back to the slides here. So we covered these three slides last time. So it was about two weeks before, right, when we met. So we have these three that we went through for today. We're going to continue with chapter three. And actually, let me go back to this slide. In this chapter, this is all, there's several sections in this chapter. And so these are all the different sections. So that's where we cover the five pillars, active outreach and focus. And so now we're going to, inshallah, do the next four sections here. And we'll talk in depth. So we'll go ahead and read from, or get to that slide. So the slide for today we're going to do is cooperation. So this is, for those who do have the book, it's on page 29. So if we read this particular section of the chapter, it talks about the, and I'll just go ahead and read. This religion is based on recognizing the abilities of the believers that constitute the Oma, the Muslim community, and facilitating the use of their respective gifts. We need to understand that if one person focuses upon an area that differs from our own area of concern, he or she is complimenting our own work and not detracting from it by not joining us. So this is, again, practical steps to how, and how we can change our condition, right? So we need to understand the importance of working together with our fellow community members, people around us, so that we have mutual goals and we don't see one another as in any way a threat or a competition, but rather we see that we all have the same basic desire, which is, inshallah, to do the work, the good works that will please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and that can be in many different forms, right? There's people who are very politically activated. There's other people who do relief work. There's other people who enjoy teaching and grassroots, you know, work, working within the community. So everybody has their own niche or their own calling and we should respect that and also see that inshallah, we're all part of a larger body, the ummah, and we have to respect one another. And so this chapter or this section is really about cultivating that. And so, you know, again, if you continue point three here, to not see individuals or organized groups as competitors or antagonists, but rather, again, as brothers and sisters working towards the same purpose and really they go into a lot of detail about just the importance of the inculcating that love for one another, you know, through the, all of the sunnah that we're taught, you know, afshasadam abaynakum, spread peace, right? We smile, smiling is asadapa. So when we see one another, whether it's in the masjid or at events or just, you know, in the grocery store, when we know that people are working for the cause of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that we wish them well, that we want their success, but that we're genuine in our love for them and that we really are about seeing one another as part of, again, one body, that umma and there's so many hadith that reinforce that idea to always write that the umma is one body if one part of the body hurts, the entire body hurts, all of these had either to remind us to really see one another as being part of something great and not to in any way, let those divisive feelings enter our hearts where we start to compete or saqlullah maybe even do worse than that, right? to deter people or to ruin or somehow affect the progress of other people's works. There's, you know, people, protect us from those diseases of the heart that would lead to that, but there are some people who, you know, may sabotage another person's efforts just because they don't see them as their brother or sister, but rather as a competitor. So really trying to rid yourself from that and they go on to say, there are many paths to Allah and he guides those who struggle with themselves for his sake alone. We should not see other Muslims either individuals or organized groups as competitors or antagonists. Rather, we should see them as brothers and sisters and either work with them or work separately with amicable relations, the least of which is giving them the greeting of peace with a smile, right? Our communities suffer from an unhealthy competition viewing another's failure as our own success. We should all hope and pray for the success of any activity that is good in nature and beneficial to the aims and purposes of sacred law. So for example, competing massages or, you know, organizations or even businesses, you know, subhanAllah, if you have, you know, a restaurant or some other business that you don't see another Muslim who has a similar business or restaurant down the street or in another part of the city as being your competitor, but rather as another believer who, inshallah, is providing, you know, the community members with halal risk and is, inshallah, you know, putting halal income in back into the community. So you always see the fruits that these fruits will reach everybody, but instead of just looking at your own personal, maybe, you know, your own personal issues that you may have and those we have to work out, right? So really getting rid of those feelings in the heart. And then they go on to say Islamic work through diverse organizations should never be the basis for negating the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood established between us by Islam. When that happens, we are no longer doing Islamic work, but are engaged in politics. So, you know, really, you know, Allah protect us again from fitna from in any way being a part of fitna because we may be part of, you know, some organization or a masjid or other school or something else. But if we allow politics to enter, you know, the community and to cause divisions and, you know, parties and a lot of breaking up, then obviously stuff with Allah, we're not doing much, you know, to please Allah, but we may in fact be held accountable for our part in all of that. So we should really seek refuge from that. We should speak well of other organizations or be silent about them. You know, instead of trying to take down or discredit or, you know, just cast a negative, you know, opinion or perpetuate maybe gossip, never do that, right? Just with anybody, let alone an entire organization, right? Once we recognize that most of them are engaged in a different aspect of the same struggle, we come to respect their efforts. Now, there does, you know, there's some space here for thinking, you know, if you feel that an organization or an individual may be Allah doing something wrong, of course, that's a different situation, right? So if some appear to be or actually are misguided, then we should offer counsel and pray for them. If they have deviant positions or beliefs, then we should request that qualified scholars clarify with clear proofs what those deviations are. In doing so, such a scholar must not use personal opinions, but rather those of the rightly guided scholars of our tradition who are recognized by the scholars of the past. So when there are, again, those people who may be doing something questionable, you want to always have the right approach, you know, casting people out or, you know, what now is very popular, which is cancel culture is, you know, it's really tragic because it's you see communities being really affected by that. And I personally spoken with community members who have a hard time with their faith when they see fitna or people being canceled or entire organizations almost being shut down because of some scandal or what have you. And most of the time it's because, you know, the approach to these situations is off. We should try to always seek, you know, to to fix the situation with good intentions, not just to want to see something go down just because we're unhappy or upset or angry about it, but rather thinking of the collective benefit or the collective harm. And that's where we make our decision. So if there's going to be a collective harm, then of course we should be very careful. Make sure that we approach the individual or the organization with discretion, you know, request meetings privately, try to approach them that way first. And then, you know, however, the consensus is to proceed at least doing it that way. Inshallah, the consciences are clear and we can avoid, you know, some really horrible things from happening. So just to make sure that we know that there's protocol and that protocol. We should follow that always with the best of intentions inshallah rare opinions of one or two scholars that stand in disagreement with the majority of scholars on a given issue must not be used at the cost of unity through diversity, though the opinions may be valid. If it turns out there is a difference of opinion among our scholars regarding the issue, then we should leave it for the sake of unity and not argue or fight over it. However, if it is indeed wrong by consensus, then we can bring it to their attention wisely and with a sincere desire to help them. So you can see the intention and the council here is to always seek to do things without causing bigger problems, right, to have the most minimal effect, you know, that you can possibly have give the council try to, of course, you know, make sure that the right opinion is issued and is understood, but not to argue, not to fight and not to let it, you know, have ripple effects that affect the entire community. We ought to keep in mind that Musa alaih salam was commanded to go to Pharaoh and speak to him with a gentle word, which is, of course, chapter 20 verse 44. And this is advice for all of us really, because giving advice is something that not everybody can do. It really isn't. We should learn how to I should say, you know, just because you you want to correct someone doesn't mean you're the right person to do it. Because if you don't have the gentle or right approach, it could actually cause a further a bigger problem. So you want to make sure that you're somewhat aware of the the art of giving to see how does one do that being gentle again, not having, you know, not being accusatory right off the bat. You want to approach it very just in doses and steps and make sure that you're aware of how to do that in the best way possible. And so this reminder is good for all of us just in general, but especially those in the community who may be charged with this responsibility to correct another individual, a public figure, a teacher, someone in the public guy or or an organization on an issue that's controversial, that person should absolutely know what what how to approach it. And here's the advice right to be gentle, but of course firm, inshallah, and try to not cause further problems. And then they go on to say that remembering that we are not more righteous than Musa alaihi salam and that our brother or sister is certainly not farther astray than frown. We can approach the matter with gentle humility and a genuine desire for the well-being and guidance for all. And that again is the mutual benefit, right? The collective benefit, inshallah for everyone. We have an example of this gentle approach when Imam Ali sent Ibn Abbas to reason with the secedars, the khawaraj, Ibn Abbas succeeded in guiding thousands of them by providing clear proofs. This mass repentance lessened the severity and length of the complagration when the two forces met on the battlefield. So it's just a, you know, from from the history. We cannot view other Muslims as objects of hatred, no matter who they may be. If they are Muslims, they have the sanctity of Islam and their name is to be honored unless a situation obliges us to condemn and act or position that is in contra distinction to the sacred law and tenets of universal Islam, as opposed to sectarian views of Islam. And then moreover, we should not listen to or partaken backbiting Muslims or people of other faiths. And I think this is really also very important council that, you know, backbiting or any negative quality lying, you know, in and of itself, they're, they're blameworthy, they're wrong, they're haram. It's not a matter of the object, right? Sometimes people think, oh, well, if it's an non-Muslim, why does it matter? Oh, they're kafir or they're this? No, that's, you're, you're reflecting the disease within yourself and the target of it is irrelevant at that point. The fact that you do it, the fact that you backbite, the fact that you lie is the problem. It's not who you're lying about. And so this distinction that we should not harbor negative feelings towards Muslims, but also we should not allow our these habits to extend to people of other faiths is very important. It's just wrong in and of itself, right? If it is necessary to point out deviations to clarify them, we should do as the messenger of Allah said, Allah had said, did on occasion, he declared, what is wrong with the people who do such and such? So when the problems of Islam would want to correct something or, you know, someone's behavior, he would never out them. He would never mention their name in public and stuff for a long anyway, embarrass them or humiliate them. He would always focus on the issue. And so this is a very wise mashallah way of addressing the problem without speaking directly to the individual, right? So that is certainly acceptable. And of course, we should be tactful and mindful of how the phrasing and the words we use, you know, you want to make sure like our teachers would remind us not to use identifiable or identifying language, you know, if you're speaking about a specific situation or incident or organization, you don't want to, you know, in any way reference things or give clues that would lead people to know who you're speaking about or which organization you're speaking about. So, you know, don't you got to be tactful and very general in your in your delivery so that people can't draw their own conclusions because otherwise you're just, you know, you're contributing to further maybe suspicion and unwarranted suspicion or gossip and those things. So you want to just keep it to the issue itself, right? We should also be vigilant in avoiding stale and sterile debates that have persisted for centuries and produce little benefit and much harm. Really argumentation is there's plenty of hadith and proofs against arguing. It's really blame worthy. It's something we should avoid. It all costs healthy, you know, productive discussions are different than argumentation, right? In addition, we should avoid labeling people, right, or groups such as Salafi, Sufi, Wahhabi, for example, as these engender animosity, name calling is condemned in the Quran if the intention is contempt. So if you are referring to a group of people in your delivery, it's clear that you don't like them. This would fall under this and, you know, may Allah forgive us because sometimes, again, we think we're in the right. You know, there's sometimes you see something that may be deviant or you just don't agree with and you feel justified. You know, why do they do this? You know, anybody who's been to the sacred lands, for example, you may have seen things or heard things that really bother you or trouble you. But if you are using those labels, again, in this way, this is what they're speaking about, that we have to be careful from that. If the intention is to elucidate a position that we must examine our intention and also our level of understanding. Most of us are not capable of debating with any legitimate authority whatsoever. Imam Raqad al-Aspahani said, Disputation is detestable for scholars and those close to Allah. So what is to be said of the argumentation of the uneducated and foolish? Consider the words of Allah to his Prophet. So the law is said them, they said, Debate with them with what is most excellent. This is in chapter 16 verse 125. So this is all still we're still talking about cooperation. They've given Mashallah more than, you know, two pages, almost three pages to this section. And it's because there is so much fitna that we already see in our community, but also to hold ourselves accountable so that we're not, you know, in any way participating or condoning or blind to what what is behavior that would be blame worthy on us. So all of this is really important to consider. Then they go on to say that thus Allah did not permit the Prophet's life so them to dispute without stipulating that it be with kindness and in a beautiful manner. Moreover, Allah describes the Prophet's life so them as being a vast ethical character and disparages argumentation in his words, right? This is chapter 43 verse 58. They did not say it except to argue. And in another verse Allah says from among humanity are those who argue about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an illuminate or an illuminating book. That's chapter 22 verse 8. And then always they say heed the advice of Allah, if you find those who ignorantly discuss our signs and turn away from them. That's chapter 668 verse 68. And he mimics said he said disputation is not from our religion. So this all of these verses, all of these proofs, all of these quotes are to reiterate the point of not falling into disputation argumentation, especially when you don't have the knowledge and you're not in a position of authority to do that. May Allah forgive all of us and you see this a lot now, maybe not so in the masjid or in the community per se, but a lot of it is online. You can go to anybody's, any of our scholars pages online and you'll see trolls, you know, people who are, that's all they do. They just, you know, go around picking arguing they've lost adab. They may even address the scholar in a really contemptible way, just really lacking basic adab because they think that they have a position that's superior or better or they found some mistake the scholar made and they're ready to just cancel the scholar. You see this all the time online. It's very, very toxic behavior and this is demonic behavior. It's not part of our tradition. So may Allah protect us from that behavior. And when we see it, we should certainly not encourage it. You know, you see some people liking these comments. It's just vitriol. It's just pure poison and you'll see a bunch of likes and you're just like subhan Allah. So the one who's doing it, you know, subhan Allah, they, you know, at least they had, they were able to speak up and say whatever they wanted to say, even if, you know, they were wrong, but the cowards who don't say anything but then fan the flames by liking and forwarding and sharing and spreading the fitna. Those are also, we have to make sure that we don't do that, you know, because that's the, it's just as worse if bad just or potentially even worse because you're spreading this, right? So all of this is on the section on cooperation. Now we go into the next slide here, which is on good character and this is just a shorter section, but of course reminder for us all, right? We must inculcate good character in our daily lives and always display courteous behavior with Muslims and non Muslims alike. This is again, reinforcing what was previously said about just being a good person and not falling into, you know, bad character flaws with anybody, Muslim or non Muslim, it doesn't matter. We should rid ourselves of those character flaws and really display the best character inshallah. The most effective outreach is good character. This is, if we want to do effective Dawa to our family members, you know, there's people who have non Muslim family or secular family, people who are just not practicing, you know, giving them lectures is not really effective. You know, you can guilt, I've seen it and fold in front of me, but I've also seen people really get worked up because, you know, so-and-so doesn't pray or they're not fasting and I get so mad and I can't help myself and they get really worked up because they feel so justified to correct their family member when they're, you know, when they're heedless or they're disobeying Allah SWT, but we have to be very careful from that because everybody's at different levels and there's also, this is where I go back to the point I made earlier about Naseehah, not everybody is able to give Naseehah because it takes patience, it takes understanding, it takes emotional intelligence to know where people are at. Are they emotionally stable? Are they even listening? Are they receptive? Are they having a faith crisis? You know, there's something going on. If you're not aware of that and you're just, you know, caught up in your own self-righteous indignation and anger and frustration then you may very well push them further away from Islam instead of, you know, what you may think is this tough love approach. So within our family, when it comes to Muslims who may be not practicing, we want to be very careful. And then of course, outside of that, our neighbors, our co-workers, the people that we meet in this markets or wherever we go, we want to remember that the best dawah is not, you know, we're not people that, you know, go and force our faith on people. We don't prostrate ourselves everywhere we go. We're not preachers. We invite people, right? We invite people with good character. We're kind or patient or gracious. We are, you know, generous. We're hospitable. We have all those, inshallah, prophetic qualities. We try to inculcate them in ourselves and we should display them so that when people meet Muslims, they are impressed and then they may inquire like, oh, wow, you know, or they're just curious like, why are all of these people so kind or why do they treat their elders with so much, you know, respect or their children or all the beautiful things that we learned from the Prophet's Salaam, this will hopefully make them want to learn. And that's how we can do effective dawah. And then they go on to say that with good character, people achieve levels of proximity to Allah, but even those who are persistent in praying and fasting have a hard time reaching. Subhanallah. That's really, you know, just a powerful reminder for all of us that the ritual acts, of course, they're far, they're important. We have to do them, but they are many times, you know, they're self-serving. They, they, they're more fulfilling our obligations to Allah and they benefit us. But when you, you know, suppress your, your, uh, or when you're patient with people who are difficult or you're displaying these beautiful character qualities that may require restraint, that is harder oftentimes to do. Right. It's a sacrifice. You're actually, it's, it's more of a Mujahidah. So people who have really great characters, mashallah, they've gone through their disciplined people and they oftentimes do suppress themselves for the sake of, you know, the good, the sake of the other. And that is why there are so much immense reward in that. So that's the point here is that you could really advance in your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala by having really beautiful character because the Mujahidah is so sincere and it's really, truly difficult. Whereas some people may pray and fast, but they don't work on their character and they don't really excel. Right. They don't get as as ahead because they may be impatient or rude or just, you know, and we've all I'm sure had incidences with people who outwardly look practicing, but they just didn't really leave us feeling good. You know, and that's that that should be a sign when you're with a believer, someone truly sincere, you should feel good in their presence. You should feel positive. You should feel their light. You should feel love, genuine sincerity, have the love, all those beautiful qualities, but if they constrict you and they make you feel bad, they chastise you, admonish you, or they speak ill or other things. Even if they outwardly look the part, then clearly there's a problem there. Right. So a good character is very, very important. This is the most important thing that we should all be working on every single day, inshallah, to achieve. So then he goes, I'm sorry, then they go on to the next section. So a good character again, very short section. This is on page 31 now for those who are following along with the text. The next section is on kinship. So we should strive to maintain excellent kinship bonds and forgive the shortcomings of our relatives for the sake of Allah and hope that he may forgive our shortcomings. The sacred bonds of blood must never be severed. One of the greatest of the major sins is filial impiety, which is prevalent in modern society. So we know what filial piety is, right? That's good. So serving our parents. Well, this is the opposite, right? Relationships are a trial from Allah and the Quran reminds us we have made some a tribulation for others. Will you show patience? This is chapter 25 verse 20. And they say family is difficult. Subhanallah, right? Family is difficult, but the rewards of kindness toward family are immeasurable in this world and only realized in the next. Moreover, the least harm that is accrued from severing kinship bonds is a life of pinery. So, you know, the fact that and I guess because in my work I deal with this quite a lot. Actually, you know, people have complex relationships with either their parents or their siblings or, you know, mother-in-law or father-in-law or someone in the family and a lot of times they feel that the only thing to do is just cut that person out of their life and, you know, they don't have time for them and there's a lot of just intense emotions and, you know, they want to they're protecting their own interests and so it just seems like the easier route to take, right? To just say, I'm done. I'm not going to bother anymore. I'm cutting this person out and that's it. We'll remind it over and over again that, you know, cutting ties is one of the combat it is actually considered, you know, a grave sin. And so we really an enormity we really want to ask Allah to protect us from that. But also to just remember that, you know, the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam told us in a Sahih hadith and this is related in the Musnad of Imam Ahmad that the believer who mixes with the people and endures their harm has a greater reward than the one who does not mix with the people nor endures their harm. So this is a really powerful reminder for us that, you know, in some cases the family member who gets on your nerves who maybe asks too many questions who's, you know, just, you know, prying and always, you know, into your business and or you just don't really like to be around so much not coming around or causing, you know, problems at the family because you just can't handle that person. You don't like that person is actually, you know, less there's it's you're not getting it. You're losing out on so much reward. Here the hadith is clear. If you go and you sacrifice your comfort for an hour half an hour, however long it is just for the sake of your parents. Let's say it's an uncle or an aunt or someone that is close to them, but maybe you have no connection to and you're there and you're just going to take a little bit of that discomfort for the sake of your parents. Just imagine the immense reward in doing that, right? First of all, you're pleasing your parents, but then on top of that, as this hadith reminds us that you're enduring that hardship and so the process is promising that the reward is greater, right? So remember that if you have to be around people that are challenging to be around instead of just wanting to to take the easier route because, you know, again, it's very in this society, if you look at the you know, the breakdown of the family bonds, it's just everywhere. You know, people don't talk to family members for decades sometimes or they've lost touch with aunts, uncles, grandparents and they don't really think twice about it. But then, you know, you'll know the value of your family over other friendships or other relationships that may come and go. Even marriages are not sometimes they don't last, right? We know that divorce divorces are very common. So, you know, sometimes people think that giving up their family is worth whatever they're going to get. You know, peace of mind or because of this relationship I want, I need to, you know, give up my family. But the reality is, is those relationships are oftentimes conditional and, you know, they may not may or may not last. Whereas with family in many cultures, traditional cultures anyway, there is this unspoken sort of understanding that even if you don't agree, even if you have very, very different lifestyles and just believes or, you know, you don't, you just don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. The bond of family keeps you together. And so you'll be able to call on your family when God forbid you're, you know, facing some hardship. Maybe you have a debt or a health problem that you didn't know about. And all of a sudden you're in need, you know, how many people have had their lives saved because of a family member who stepped in, not because of that friend or that roommate or that co-worker that you, maybe yes, enjoy a rapport with and you get along with and you, you know, everything is fine. But again, when the going gets tough, that's when you really know, right, who is there for you and who's not and oftentimes it is your family. So we have to really appreciate, appreciate our families and not take them for granted. And so this is the reminder and I apologize. I just realized there's a, a little typo here on this slide. This should be kinship bonds. I don't know what happened here. I was like, clearly missed that. But so that's the, this is the slide on kinship. And then right after this particular section is it follows up, you know, if kinship of course has to do with extended family members, but now we get, bring it a little bit more closer with regards to the actual family, right? And so the next section is called families. So here they mentioned that we're obliged by sacred law to treat our families and especially our spouses with the utmost respect and dignity. The Prophet, said, the best of you are those who are the best to their families. A man is judged in this religion by the honor and love he shows his wife and children. Wives should treat their husbands with respect and flexibility for most women. The spiritual struggle of this life is within the confines of home and family. According to the tradition to bear this with patients and righteousness is to obtain the reward of a warrior for the sake of Allah. No room whatsoever exists in the Islamic tradition for domestic abuse or violence. A home is a sanctuary and if the wife and children do not feel safe, it is not a Muslim home, but a jahili house and jahili means ignorant. Violence toward family is clearly prescribed prescribed in the sacred law and the blight of domestic violence must be uprooted from our communities. This is a really important section also to think about because you know, there are so many homes where there's immense strife and conflict and you wouldn't know it because we've gotten to a point where people are very consumed with their image, right? So social media of course adds to that, but even prior to social media reputation, right? You want to have a good standing with your community members. You know, I'm an upright citizen. I go to the masjid. I do this. I do that. I volunteer at my child's school. So you have parents who are very concerned or very good about keeping those those appearances and making sure that they look put together and everything's fine. They'll show up at weddings and events and parties and and other things. And you would never know that behind closed doors is a completely different reality. And this of course is troubling just hearing something like that should trouble anybody, but also for the people who are living that lie, you want to think about your standing with Allah, you know, that if everybody in the community sees you with respect and they come to you and maybe they ask you for advice, maybe you have that position, right? Of status and importance and people mashallah turn to you and so you you're feeling the benefit of all of that, but then in your home, you are a different person, you know, you are a tyrant or you're abusive and you use foul language and you curse and you, you know, just threaten and you withhold and you're very harmful. You're you weaponize your words. Your actions are harmful. Then where do you think your reality is, you know, is it because the people all praise you and you have the their esteem? Is that who you really are? Or is it that your spouse may be displeased with you, may not may have issues with you? Your children may be afraid of you. You know, think about that. Think of what your family feels about you, right? How they would describe you is really, I think, good indicator for all of us to evaluate where we are with Allah, like if you're inshallah, your family members, of course, are upright and good, but if someone were to ask them, what do you think about this person? Are they kind? Are they compassionate? Are they patient? Are they, you know, do they care? Are they genuine? Are they sincere? All those beautiful qualities that we readily display to strangers, you know, subhanAllah. Some people, it's like a switch. They can go outside their house and their neighbor, they can be so kind and just engaging and really chatted up and generous and willing to help their neighbors or willing to help their family members. I've worked with many couples where this has actually been a really big complaint in the marriage that with other people, my spouse is so gracious, is so kind and everybody thinks that he or she is just an angel, you know, has the best character and they all sing his or her praises all day long, but in the house, it's a different story. And I always, you know, that's to me very, it's just subhanAllah, we should all really wake up to that, to the fact that what, what does it matter if we are good actors? You know, what does it matter? How does that say anything about who we are? If we've managed to impress everybody outside our home or at work or in the community to assume that we are upright and kind and this and that, if to the people closest to us, we are the complete opposite. And this is actually a reality. That's why we have, you know, domestic violence is a very common problem, unfortunately in our society and certainly in our community. We have shelters, we have, and it works both ways. I actually know of a male, you know, males who have been abused or have been in situations that are incredibly toxic and they have had, you know, they've been threatened and they've had their rights taken or, you know, those things have been threatened against them. So they've been forced in really difficult circumstances, forced to accept conditions that they wouldn't normally accept because of a threat that was a real threat to them. Their finances, their, their standing, you know, suffer a lot. There's a lot of very vindictive behavior that can happen in marriages sometimes and or in divorce situations. We have to really audibly ask Allah to protect us from falling into that type of a delusional state where we, you know, think we can get away with it, these things, you know, within our, because nobody knows about it, right? And then go outside and present ourselves as something else. Now Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala sees everything and we should fear Allah in that, you know, every injustice, every harm, harmful word, every harmful action is accounted for. And he, you know, will certainly take us to task over those things. So not to get too comfortable, especially for anybody in a marital situation who has more power. You know, we really want to think about what that means because it's not just about physical power anymore. Financial power is also a very big, you know, that this is probably more of an issue in many marriages that the one who has more financial power tends to wield that power and they can sometimes be unjust because of it, right? So you want to be really aware of these things that how your spouse, your children see you is really telling about who you really are. And if you feel that there's been complaints, you want to work on those complaints because like I said, if social media, you have a great following and you're getting all this praise or in the community, like I said, people are just always turning to you and they make you feel like you're just the greatest thing ever, but in your home, that's not consistent. Then none of that is relevant because they don't have rights over you, right? Community members and strangers, but your family, your spouse, your children, they absolutely have rights. So those are the people that you want to prioritize and make sure you're impressing them and that you're the best of you is to them. And this is why the props lesson tells us right here, the best of you are those who are the best to their families that he didn't say the best of you are those who are the best in their communities or have the most friends, you know, or have the most titles and get the most praise. That's not what I had to accept, right? And so really important to hold ourselves accountable, inshallah. And then this last comment about domestic abuse or violence, you know, I've worked with so many couples and sisters over the years. It's certainly a great hundred percent with the wording here. It's a blight in our community, in our world, and we have to do everything we can to remove it. So one of the advice or something from my experience, I'll just share is making sure that when, if we know that someone is in a situation where we think that they are either being emotionally verbally or God forbid physically abused that we don't give them that advice of, oh, just be patient. You know, it's okay. Be patient. Where we don't take their pain seriously, or maybe we are so uncomfortable with the situation and somebody may turn to us and confide in us with their deep secret and we just are really uncomfortable knowing that information. And so we take that quick exit out of the conversation and say, hey, you know, it's okay. He'll change or maybe she'll do this and you just kind of give some, you know, just general advice because you want to move along from the topic. You're not thinking about the person's well-being or their safety or what if, you know, there's children involved. You're thinking about your own safety or I'm excuse me, your own comfort and this is wrong. You know, that's not Islam, right? Want for your brother, what you want for yourself. So if you, if someone confides in you, you should really, you know, help them to get help. You may not be the right person. You know, you shouldn't feel obligated to counsel them and check on them and do that. You know, because that's not for everybody to do, but the very least you can do is empower them to turn to the professionals and inshallah in the community or the services that are provided in the community where they can figure out what their options are. It doesn't mean that you're pushing them into a divorce and the family is going to fall apart and now you're going to bear the brunt of all that. That's, I think, the line of thinking that a lot of people think, Oh, I don't want to be a part of that. You know, I'm just going to stay out of it because I don't want to be, I don't want that on my head, you know, that they divorce and the poor kids and everybody kind of takes the story to that extreme. And so they recuse themselves completely and want nothing to do with it, but then they leave that poor brother or sister or, you know, situation. They leave it. They just completely leave it and wash their hands clean of it. And then subhanallah, we just don't, you know, there's so many ways that that story can end. We've certainly seen horrible, horrible outcomes all the below where people's lives have been lost because nobody wanted to step in and do the right thing. So if we become aware of a situation of violence or any type that would even lead to that young couples, you know, if you know of a new couple where already red flags are present, encourage them, please to be brave enough to speak up, you know, and that can be to their parents to the people that, you know, are there appointed mahram, if there's someone, you know, a convert, for example, or the community members that are doing this type of work, whether they're a therapist or a spiritual counselor or someone who has the background to be able to advise them, but not to just turn away and be like, oh, no, my problem, you know, subhanallah, because you could very well help, you know, that couple, inshallah, save their marriage instead of, you know, lead it, go, let it go down and into a really horrible, worse situation. So anyway, you know, just just an advice there about really being responsible with information that comes to you and putting the needs of the other people before yourself, inshallah, in your, in the advice that you get. So, alhamdulillah, that concludes this section. So, okay, we're sort of right on time. I'm going to go ahead and stop here so that I can see if there's any questions. But again, I'm just looking over if there's anything else that I missed. So chapter three, we covered five pillars. I'll active outreach focus cooperation. Yeah, so alhamdulillah, the rest of the next section will be on charity and we'll continue with the remainder of chapter three, inshallah. But let me go ahead and stop the screen share here. All right, alhamdulillah. So now if you just permit me, I'm going to try to go on here and again, I'm doing this solo. Brother Salman, inshallah, was had a previous engagement. So he was not able to facilitate tonight, but inshallah, he'll be back with us. Hopefully next time around. So let me look and see if there are any questions. And if there are, please do feel free to I'm on, by the way, I'm not sure if this is broadcasting live to Facebook. I have no or excuse me, YouTube. I have no idea, but I'm on the Facebook page. So let me reload here and see if there's any questions or comments. Mashallah, Asalaam. I see some lovely comments from some of you here. I just see this is interesting. I see one, two, three, four comments, but it's saying there's nine comments. That's odd. I've never seen that before, but let me see if I switch this around. Do I see any more? No, I don't see any more comments. Okay, so I don't know where the other four comments or five comments are. I don't see them, but if there aren't any questions and inshallah, we can conclude and oh, wait, is there? Is it okay to ask a sister to make the off for a son or family member? Of course. Of course, we can always ask someone to make the off for another person. There's nothing wrong with that. Inshallah. I don't, you know, you don't have to give the details, you know, if it's a private matter that they're going through and they need some, you know, help or you just want to provide some some support for them. You don't have to disclose the reason. You could just say, please make the off for so and so, you know, you can say they're going through a difficult time or just, you know, for their well-being for their guidance. You can say general things like that without giving any specific information. But yeah, there's no harm in. Alhamdulillah. Yes, that's true. Actually, maybe that is the reason. Thank you, Sister Nancy. Mashallah. But thank you for your question. So Alhamdulillah, are there any other questions? And again, for those who are watching, I really do encourage you to get the book. The book has, you know, just it's just a very good resource to always have on hand. And there's some nice exercises in the back of the book that you can do on your own. It's it's a great resource to have. So I think you should, inshallah, all invest in this and get this book. And then we can read along and you'll be able to follow. I try to, you know, match those slides as best as I can with the content. But inshallah, I look forward to more conversations with you guys. And thank you again. Sorry for the technical issues tonight. But inshallah, the recording will be up soon. If you missed any part of it and you can catch up and then we'll see you on. I think the next one is on the 17th. I want to say, yeah, so two weeks from tonight, inshallah, we will see you. But thank you again for tuning in. JazakAllah Khairan. We'll end in Dua. Audhu Billahi Minash-Shaytanir-Rajim. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem. Wa-l-Aasir. Inna l-insana la fi khusr illa ladina aminu wa-amiru s-salihati wa-tawasabu l-haqi wa-tawasabu s-sabr. Subhanak Allahumma wa-bihamdi tashadwan. La ilaha illa anta nastaqbiluka Thank you so much, everyone. Inshallah, we will see you in a couple of weeks. All right. As-salamu alaikum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuh.