 Good afternoon Saints of the Most High God. It gives me great pleasure to welcome you back to God's house. To worship and adore Him. And as we start this fellowship and song, I would like to invite you to bow as we whisper prayer. Those of you in the sanctuary will ask you to rise so that we can pray together. Let us pray. Our Father who art in heaven, we come before your throne of grace. Thanking you for this blessed Sabbath that we've enjoyed thus far. We want to invite the host of heaven to Tabernacle with us. We pray, O Lord, that your children may leave this sanctuary saying that they've seen Jesus. Be with every person that shall lead. O Father, grant them messages from on high. As we now worship you in song, O Lord, may angels themselves in our midst walk with us through this session is our prayer in Jesus. Amen. Amen. We want to start this song service. And I want to start by asking my sister Faye, which song would you like us to sing? Happy Sabbath church. I love song number six until then. Him, 632. Until then, my heart will go and sing. And see what's in the deck here. This butter-stepping store is upward. This trouble will go until then. We joy and carry if we recall to turn on. On singing until God calls us home. We're going to sing him 626. The song writer says, we've been this side of heaven too long. Amen. To go home. Him, 626. Let us sing together. Let us sing a song that will cheer us by the way. In a little while we're going home. For the night we're ending the everlasting day. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we shall cross the bill. We shall meet at last when the stormy winds have passed. In a little while we're going home. We will do the work that our hearts may find to do. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we shall cross the bill. We shall meet at last when the stormy winds have passed. In a little while we're going home. We will scoot the path for somewhere we won't fit. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we shall cross the bill. We shall meet at last when the stormy winds have passed. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we're going home. In a little while we're going home. In the where the stormy winds have passed. In a little while we're going home. gaining every day. Six hundred and twenty-five. When he's around, my prayer, my aim is high. Lord, lift me up and I just have a stable life. Lord, plant my field of heart. I want to live above the world. I don't say that's a joyful sound. I snuggle with racing high. But I just have a stable life. Lord, plant my field of heart. When he has a glimpse of glory bright, But see that ballistic weind too high. And lift me up and I just have a stable life. The best table at a higher place by feet. Kepha, what song are we singing next? Sing song number 159 on a hill far away. On a hill far away. The old ragged crowns. Of suffering and shame. And if we rest and bless On a world of lost, seen, of lost wars. So we'll cherish the full match for Peace and love. Next day, December 8th, Four nights by the sunrise. The traction for which to So we'll cherish the full match for Peace and love. Change the time, it's shape and grip. So we'll cherish the full match for Peace and love. Next day, December 8th, Restore the image of God Shelter in the time of storm. Not a rock in him will find A shelter in the time of storm. Secure water, be tired, and shelter in the time of storm Do you walk in a way which could be safe, and shelter in the time of Shed by death, defense by life, and shelter in the time of storm No, and shelter in the time of storm All the people in bed, and shelter in the time of The round of speed, and shelter in the time of storm We find our safe reaching, and shelter in the time of storm Walk in a way, hide for the bill, and shelter in the time And shelter in the time of storm No, and shelter in the time of storm And shelter in the time To take care of these people during such a time We are going to sing 20 series of the 7th day and 26th Because my saviour lives, and despite Covid and everything else we can face tomorrow He saw in Jesus, he came to know My saviour he calls, he's not great as he He calls, he calls, he's not great as he Nearly one in five high school students report being bullied within school environment One in seven report being electronically bullied On Instagram, on Facebook, you name it One in five female high school students report being physically And or sexually abused by a dating partner The statistics of the World Health Organization Coming down to our Kenya children and youth surveys The most recent one, violence against children study by UNICEF The 2019 reveal that 16% of young women and girls have faced sexual violence On the other hand, 6% of young men And boys have faced sexual violence 39% of young women and girls have faced physical violence Whereas 52% of young men and boys have faced physical violence Welcome our viewers, today is ended now emphasis day And to help us have this conversation I have two great resourceful persons On my right is Sister Patricia Nyawindi Sister Patricia comes to us from Lovington Church She is a wife, a mother to three adult children She's also a mother-in-law and a grandmother Professionally, she has been a practicing advocate for over 30 years Both in the private and public legal sector And she's very passionate about the children and youth ministry And of course human rights and the rule of law You can say hi Thank you and I'm also very happy to be here today Karibu And on my left, a familiar face to us, Dr. Elijah Kwasa Dr. Tari is married to Magoma Kwasa And he's also a father of three children He has been a previous chair in the health ministry And he has also served in the schools And also in the youth ministry here in our church Karibu Dr. Tari Awesome too Thank you so our viewers, we welcome you to interact with us On our social media handles Facebook and YouTube at Nairobi Central SDA Those of us in the congregation, you may also write down your question And pass it to the communications team And we'll be able to address them We've had the statistics, Dr. Tari And these are people and numbers don't lie That children of God that have gone through a lot of childhood experiences Adverse childhood experiences And it's real in our world today Dr. Tari, what do you think is a cause of this youth violence? So youth violence and when we say youth we are speaking in the broad definition This is not just limited to people who were in school going age But indeed even beyond that Youth violence largely seems to arise It's not an isolated thing So you have a situation and especially in the context of our discussion today Where abuse can be physical It can be emotional It can be psychological And indeed it can be sexual And many times these things don't happen in isolation So you'll tend to find that where physical violence abounds There is a propensity or a danger of finding sexual violence Where verbal abuse is occurring Then the slope becomes very slippery Largely if we were to ask spiritually what is the cause We know it, we live in a fallen world And we know that because we live in a fallen world There are certain vices, certain things that will happen Because of the fallen nature that we have But that does not then excuse it Because we are told that And this is in James That let no man, James chapter 1 Let no man say when he's tempted that I am tempted of God But God cannot be tempted, neither tempted he, any man But every man is tempted when he's drawn away by his own lust And these lusts when they are matured bring forth sin And this violence is sin And sin in its maturity brings forth death So it is actually a deviation or aberration of desires that were put in us That turn into lust And that then becomes the source of violence So whether it is a desire to be heard And you have an aberration where now you must, your opinion must carry the day Then that can lead to violence Whether it is a desire for affection But then there is a deviation of that And then you decide to not look at your brother or sister as another human in totality But look at them as a means to an end to physical satisfaction Then you find a lust that brings forth this sin Great So what I hear you say doctor is that power and control is at the root of youth violence Thank you Let's bring in sister Patricia So where does this violence mostly occur? Actually that tragedy is that for many people They are not They fall victims Not to strangers But people they know very well So for children it might be in a school setting So it will be a teacher In the home setting it will be their own parents A visiting relative A sibling A trusted neighbor Never a stranger In the church setting Again it will happen so Going back to what are the causes You can see in all of these environments where it's prevalent There is first of all the trust There is the fear There are so many cases of young children Who either have been physically abused sexually abused Are being emotionally abused by their parents But they do not know that there is another adult who will trust them or believe them So the children sit in the fear and say Who will believe me that my father could do this My brother could do this My mother could do this to me The other thing is the stigma that's attached to it If my young man probably Violence is being meted on me by my parents There is the shame element Like how do I let people know that I don't have control And then finally I think in all these three contexts Is the issue of the impunity The fact that there is very little risk of consequences So you know A father knows I am a breadwinner No one is going to jeopardize me paying their fees So no one is going to hold me to account For my improper behavior So in many of these contexts There is also the fact that you feel you're not answerable And you can get away without anything So as opposed to for instance If I am walking outside Laventon and somebody slaps me The police station is across And it's a stranger I will get my immediate justice But if it's between my child and I There is the child's You know who said that is the child who broke that marriage You know so that the children fear If I follow up on this What does it mean for our family? What does it mean for my continued schooling If I am going to tell on my teacher Thank you Patricia You brought in very key elements That first of all violence Youth violence occurs within the social environment Of our children of our youth And right at the top is a home The home is a base where violence begins And most often occurs And you've also mentioned that it occurs By people who are well known to the children Well known to the youth that we are speaking about And of course the element of justice But before we come to the element of justice How do we know that this child is being violated Elijah How can I tell as a parent My child is actually facing abuse So there are several ways to identify this And it's important that we are aware You we are told in medical school The eyes will not see what the mind does not know So if it is not in your mind to look for it The signs will be there and you'll miss them totally We've heard all too often people who say No no no my child can't do that Or that couldn't have been in my home And it's simply because your mind is unwilling to Conceive that this thing can happen So there are a number of telltale signs that Someone can be undergoing abuse Whether physical or even sexual One of them is in medical terms We call it non-accidental injury So there's an injury that was not of accident What does that mean When someone falls for example Usually they'll fall and sort of reach out To protect themselves So injury will be on the palms and maybe the elbows So when you start seeing injuries like on the In aspect of the arm In aspect of the thighs That is not an accidental injury There's something more going on there And it's imperative for us as parents To take time with our children And assess this Now for those who are a bit older You may notice certain changes For example someone who is wearing short sleeve Now the sun is shining but they're wearing a sweater You know it's hot outside And they are really covering themselves up And you have to ask yourself why What has caused this aberration Also you may find Even if it's not physical signs There can be psychological or emotional cues So for example a child who Is manifesting behavior or language Out of character with their age So a child who's doing certain perverse gestures Or behaving in a rather inappropriate way That should be a red flag That where have you learned these things What is going on and who is teaching you these things Another issue that tends to come up is Someone who suddenly becomes overly aggressive Or overly timid Because unfortunately as victims of abuse It is a learning process And that which has been learned then gets practiced So you may find that the violence being meted on them They then want to meet out to someone else They may start doing that to their relatives They may start doing that to other children in the neighborhood And you start getting complaints That don't tally with who you know the child to be Those should be red flags Someone who's using language that is At variance with their upbringing Very mature gesticulations and gestures Those sort of things should be red flags It does not then mean that anyone who does this Is being abused But it opens a door for you to stop and think My mind now knows that there is something called Violence Whether it's sexual, emotional, psychological I am seeing something at variance with the normal This is a cue to open up that discussion If not on your own even with support But those are the telltale cues So they are physical signs They are psychological signs And indeed they are emotional signs So even a child who is overly timid And a very interesting one A child who does not protect themselves from danger So for example there is a loud bang And the child is just apathetic It doesn't move them Something happens There is something traumatic that you hear And the child is not phased There is something going on that is blocking this child From expressing their emotions And that's a cue to try and find out what's going All right, thank you Dr. Rhee Indeed there will be red flags When a child has been abused You can tell But you have to be keen to know that this has happened Now Patricia There can violence be justified Violence against the youth or the children And what are the protections that are available That we need to be able to put in place for the children Sadly oftentimes when you come across a situation Where a child is being subjected Especially to physical violence The adults in their lives will even quote scripture And say you spare the road Spoil the child And in many circles People say this is biblical That we ought to be ready to discipline Our children I think the tragedy is that many people then don't take time To see when do you cross the line From discipline to a situation Where you are actually inflicting harm On your child And if you look as Dr. Rhee had set out the definitions Of abuse is that where you change You impact on the esteem of a child That is now abuse Where you take away a child's confidence Where you harm, you physically harm The child wound them emotionally Cause them to have panic and anxiety And all these things Then you are abusing this child I think that the tragedy is If I take advantage of my years now Is that some of us were raised With the assistance of a cane And therefore we believe that if it worked for me It ought to work for my children So we justify and we say if it happened to me If my parents came to me I ought to be caning my children But actually even the scripture guides us You know we will be judged according to the light That we have received And therefore in the modern age I think parents should use the cane As a last resort And there is lots of guidance That guides us on how to discipline our children I think increasingly we are being encouraged That train your children as disciples Do not discipline them You know this especially Corporal punishment And if in the secular world It has been taken very seriously I mean look for instance if we are discussing Kenya Where our constitution There is an entire section that focuses on the rights of the child And actually we are required Those of us who are in a position of responsibility To ensure that everything that we do Is in the best interests of the child That's the priority Then you come down to the laws There is the children's act That prohibits corporal punishment Either in the private or the public space So even in our homes And it is just probably an account of the limitations Of our social services That parents who physically abuse their children Emotionally abuse their children Or even neglect I think they are tragic incidents If you talk of completely dysfunctional homes Where usually It is usually the father Sorry Dr. Terry It is usually the father who has a falling out With his wife And the children suffer the consequences of that They will not be educated They will be thrown out of the house They will not be clothed And you just wonder What is your appreciation Of being a parent So this has necessitated laws Like the prevention of domestic violence act That then also provide that Before we litigate Because you know Having to take people to charge them in court The priority should be to remove the child From the danger Or the person who is being abused Remove them the danger So that's what the prevention of domestic violence act Is seeking to The gap it seeks to address Like the agency is not the prosecution Of the person But to provide a safe environment For the child And then of course there is the matrimony of laws That allow for families Either to be separated or for divorce And also provides for issues around guardianship And what we do for our children In those circumstances So I think if we are seated here Discussing this as Christians The question that should really bear heavy on our minds Is that if our parliamentarians have invested so much In seeking to provide A safe environment for children And provide consequences Where there is that So as Christians Should we even be living on a higher pedestal And saying what is God's design What's God's ambition for our homes And how do we live In accordance with God's word Thank you, thank you for those insightful comments So what I hear you say is that The government has brought in mechanisms To protect children from violence Protect them from child abuse And you've mentioned some of the legislation Our constitution The Children's Act The Protection Against Domestic Violence Act Which by the way emphasizes on One can seek protection orders And if in the case that you find yourself in court Then the court even has the law Allows for families to have counseling happening So it's not an outright separation But then families can be able to have an environment Where they are able to have a conversation And how we can protect the youth within our families Thank you We'll look at the life of Jesus as a child Towards the end And be able to see how do we make our homes even safer But Dr, this child has faced Abuse What is the impact on this child? So there's a phrase that is being Used a lot now in social media Social spaces that hurt people Hurt people So when someone is abused It tends to not end there I'll give an example When I went to high school When we joined from one There was something called a grace period And we're being treated very well And seniors would come and help you with your things And we said hey this high school is quite good How long was the grace period? Two weeks Only After those two weeks We learned that they called it the honeymoon And all hell broke loose there after And what we then found as we're wondering what's happening Is that when we asked what is this grace period We were told that was instituted and it's always been So why must life be so hard for form ones? Because that's the way it's always been So the form one who was abused, bullied, whatever you call it When they reached a position of authority They did not then say, I really suffered I would not want that to happen to anyone else They say now it is my turn To do that which I saw being done And to be So it's actually a perversion of the golden rule of the bible Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you When people are abused The tendency, the human nature Is to then do that which was done to you So abuse Whether physical, sexual, emotional What it tends to do is perpetuate the vice So you have a situation where someone has been abused And even if they don't want it Even if they say, I will never Their carnal mind and their nature Pushes them towards doing the very same thing And it is very unfortunate It is very unfortunate I know of someone who was very keen to They had something against their parent Because they saw the parent abuse their mother They really loved the mother And it caused them great angst And this person is a friend of mine And later in life Started doing the same things to the wife And you know you come and say chief I know you and you said These are the things you would not want And it's almost like Romans chapter 7 What Paul says I know what I want to do But that which I want to do I don't do And that which I don't want to do I find myself doing So the impact here is not new It's been there in biblical times And even before that And the sad reality is Violence, perpetuates violence It becomes a cycle It becomes a cycle So you can imagine if there's a home Where a father and mother are violent Either one towards the other or towards each other And there are four children You've doubled the amount of violence Because every one of those people gets affected Now is it to say that It is a fatalistic situation Nothing can be done? No With man Nothing is There are many things that are impossible But with God all things are possible So submitting that nature Because at the end of Romans chapter 7 Paul says O wretched man that I am Who shall deliver me from this body of death I thank God through Jesus Christ So in my flesh I live unto death But in Christ I live unto the resurrection So it is a very dangerous situation For someone to be a victim of violence Because they should realize They are now at a higher risk Of being a perpetuator Of the violence that they experience Right I hope your friend was able to come back to himself And is not perpetuating violence at this point Maybe we can go back to our online audience And just see what the comments or questions That they've come through Please continue to share with us your comments and questions Have you faced abuse? Would you like to seek help? We are here and we are available to give you That assistance and direct you to the right persons What kind of violence have you seen? Have you encountered youth that have been violated? And what help did you offer at that time? As we go down and Dr. You've mentioned that one of the effects is a cycle It becomes a cycle of abuse One when one has been abused Or has seen somebody being abused They are more likely to abuse somebody else Patricia what other outcomes Are there for the youth that has been abused? From a health perspective From now graduating into other forms of dysfunction What are some of the things that this youth who has been abused Either from when they were very young or at their youth All have observed people being abused And what are the other effects Or things that are likely to happen That will be detrimental to them as a human being I think the most painful is the fact that it takes away A child's innocence You know children by nature are trusting are loving And in an abusive context That's what you take away from the child This gift of God to live in a loving environment And to be nurtured And as Dr. I said to take away a child's confidence See how children before they are exposed to all this They are so bold They'll come here and stand and talk No fears But to take that away from a child I think is one of the worst The second I think most painful and as we observe Is that then the capacity Negative capacity for a child to absorb pain So you will find if there was abuse in the home Girl gets into an abusive marriage and it's normalized You see so this person then Is a sponge For all this negativity And I think that the worst is that it just stands Your spiritual growth I think it is impossible both for the abuser and the abused To fully have a vibrant relationship With God And I think that's just for the gravity Of what we are dealing with to sink in If I may add Just as she was saying this and she referenced it earlier I remembered a meeting we were in Where one of the One of the things that was found and this was research done By some anthropologists Is that the presence of a father in a home Is an independent contributor to overall well-being and less Lessons the likelihood of abuse But this is a father who is not abusive of course But just the presence of that person Another thing that was found which was very interesting is The presence of a father coming to church Increases the likelihood of the children coming to church More than the presence of a mother who comes to church Why because fathers we have a position that God has given us to Lead the home And we can lead it unto life everlasting Or lead it unto destruction And even choosing to not be present Is a choice unto destruction for the home And this I mean this has been replicated in several Studies and it's worth pointing out that Not to say mothers don't have a role because even as we look at At the word of God as we look at Writings from an author called Ellen White It is clear that the mother is the first teacher of the child But this does not abdicate the father's responsibility Both in raising up a child To the image of God And in protecting that child simply by your presence and consistency So an intention of father can play a role in Minimizing the risk of the child being abused Definitely and even in the absence of a father in a home a father figure Can fulfill such a role It is it does not diminish the presence of the mother But it just highlights the need and this is for both boy children and girl children It sets a model on which they can see what a healthy relationship Should look like Right Yeah And when a lot of it reminds me of what people say out here when you see children, especially the girl child Having certain Forms of dysfunction and people said oh this one has daddy issues And it's not entirely on their fault But there could be contributing factors of when the father was not present And because they missed certain aspects of A wholesome home parenting brings in the aspects of of violence Now we want to go down to Another form of youth violence that is happening End it now Resources have timed it as dangerous Kissing cousins They're not only dangerous But they're also kissing meaning There is some form of intersection between these two and this is pornography Being linked or Intertwined with domestic violence or intimate partner violence as we'd call it and I was trying to recall my first encounter of Phonographic kind of content And it was many years back I must have been between the age of seven and ten And we were in the village and I saw An older man, maybe he was in his At ease at that time Mentally disturbed and he passed by where I was And because of the nature of the clothing he had won I saw his private parts And you know, it was Choking first of all because it was something I'd never seen before And so that was my first Encounter Patricia. What was your first encounter? What on a photographic content? I can remember I was either informed to Or from one I can't remember the class, but I remember the location It was outside the classroom One of our friends had smuggled in a magazine And as I was passing by there was a crowd of girls And she called me and said come and see And you know that time the The magazines we had I think were called Samsung the Samsung with a bell in London something like that Working Ben I can't remember what that cut so I thought that's what I walked there expecting to see to my horror It was male genitals And then when she turned it was full female Genitals it shook me to the core Because the way I had been raised even when I was bathing I never would look at myself I never and even as I was morphing as a teenager It's kind of like I was ignoring the changes that were ongoing in my body because it was bad manners So I couldn't get my head to wrap around the fact that my chest was changing I had hair coming up in funny places so to to come and look at this image And then you know Things wires connecting that these are those private parts have been told never to look at I must confess I was dry mouth I walked from there. I was shaken And then I thank God because because of the fear I I didn't have appetite to look at it again. I was just horrified. I said these are those and you know Our socialization had even been It is so easy to fall pregnant So and the worst thing that could have happened Is becoming pregnant is becoming pregnant. I said if I look at those pictures again I just might end up pregnant By just a look Yes, because there was negative sex education. It was nil. It was nil and so to see this thing Me was Absolutely It was like an earthquake had happened In my life And to this date actually when I was invited To discuss the subject. I remembered that moment and I was like What a day that was Yeah Wow and intended but You find yourself you've met your first Encounter with pornographic content and thank god for you It was a complete turn off and for most girls studies have shown that when girls first of all meet Pornographic content. They are shocked and they are taken aback as opposed to the boys Children who would then are more likely to progress on Dr. So Maybe to bring it further down What are the consumption aspects that we see in the pornographic industry so to speak? Dr. So when we look at consumption The consumption rates traditionally were primarily male But that scale is shifting just like the way smoking was traditionally a male practice But that scale is shifting I I was fortunate enough to discuss with someone who had some access to Internet consumption data in Kenya and Africa and Apparently first of all, it's no secret that pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry globally But Kenya is the second highest consumer Pornography in Africa Second only to South Africa So South Africa is the highest consumer and this is as a 2020 and then Kenya. We are performing well. We are you know This is one of the places. I wish we were not so prominent but The shocking thing is, you know, most people consume through these devices Through the phone. Why because it's it's private You're seated at home. No one is there You you just go online and you you know close the page very quickly after But you are still a consumer now the thing about these devices It it's very easy for the mobile Mobile internet provider or even your home Wi-Fi provider to know who you are Simply based on the data that's available on your phone. So as a 2020 51 percent of consumers or pornography in Kenya were male So 49 percent were female That that is coming to a nearly 50 50 split When you look in other parts of the world, it still tends to be so you know in the in the north and half of the world It still tends to be more male, but it's now like 60 to 60 to 40 65 to 35 sort of split But the the rate of consumption is what is alarming now What is the method of consumption? Like we said, it's mobile. It's it's mobile devices primarily. So it includes phones tablets And computers. What is the problem with this number one? Anyone who's used the internet you'll you'll use a site and then you'll find When you go to a different site something now comes up So you can imagine you're using a device and you Went and consumed and then your child wants to use the device for You know the distance learning and now the banner's coming up In advantage inadvertently push your child into a pornographic space And it doesn't even have to be that dramatic these days when you when you're searching things It's two or three clicks to some very obscene content And usually the clickbait is very easy. It's it's people who we know, you know There'll be some famous person's name there And it it's it's called clickbait because it pulls you to click and then once you click on that it'll open multiple tabs And the next thing you're seeing is you know all manner of medications to do this that and the other And from there, it's a very slippery slope Down to consumption So it requires you you you mentioned earlier an unintended consumer And many people your first interaction with pornography is unintended You don't know what you're going to see. You don't know what you're getting into but once you're there They have you hooked on the click and we'll discuss what clickbait does to the mind and the body but Many times our consumption we think Is in secret But in reality it perpetuates and it pervades I'll give you another example in in my house. Of course, I have my phone We have a tv that can connect to the internet And I have deliberately not logged into any of these devices But it's very interesting that If I if I check content on my phone In two days The application on my tv is giving me suggestions Based on what I have consumed on the phone I have not connected them But of course they can they can localize that you know You're in the same geolocation this that and the other so as you're consuming things on your phone and saying no no no It's only on my phone These guys their job is to push content So don't be surprised one day if you then find that on the on the device that your child is consuming Something is coming up That they had never picked on you may inadvertently make your child An unintended consumer By virtue of what you've been consuming by virtue of what you've been consuming And we've seen Kenya is the second highest. So whether we want to hide it or not The facts are there in fact Research done including research available to the church shows that non-christians A self-confessed male consumer 65 percent of men A self-confessed consumers of pornography But those in the church 64 percent of men are self-confessed consumers of pornography So the one percent really I don't think that is a spirit I think it is just telling us the lack of the spirit in guiding our private lives in guiding our character Sure. Thank you. So what I hear you say is that it's a multibillion entertainment industry Whether we like it or not Phonography will be there And it will continue to be there not just for us, but even for our children And whatever you do with your phone is likely To spread across even to your children Viewers, please interact with us share your comments Questions and we'd like to be able to read them out When we get to that level Share with us. What was your first encounter of pornographic content? I know this is a subject we do not have not very comfortable discussing but today we are discussing it and We thank God that our church has taken a stand and has even issued a public statement on pornography So Dr. Ray Coming back to you. And we We've talked a lot about Abuse and maybe just to bring in some of our audience On the questions that they are sharing Maybe Dr. If you can bring them on board. What are some of the questions and comments that we have? Yeah, so Thank you for engaging with us. I'm seeing a question that's coming up and someone is asking how should we handle emotional abuse So this means we are aware the abuse is there we've even Characterized the type of abuse. It's emotional and how should we handle it? In this instance, someone is saying this is occurring from a mentor Fellowship mentor so someone you hold in high regard Um There's been an attempt to engage but it is all in vain um If if if I would start It's it's very important number one to identify it and We call this insight you cannot sort out a problem unless you know there is a problem If someone is addicted to smoking They cannot want to quit unless they know that smoking is a problem So the fact that whoever has asked this question has identified the abuse Is very useful now Secondly, the next question the next question there is there's been an attempt to engage on this But it is not being fruitful Christ actually tells us how to handle this We are told that if you have if you have a problem with your brother or sister in christ Approach them one to one and say this is my issue with you. This is my issue with this situation Um, and we are told that if that does not work The next step is to approach with two or three believers Not to go and tell two or three believers But rather to approach and say This is the issue and we want to discuss it if that persists We are then told depending on the magnitude of it to bring the person before The leadership of the church and if that still persists then you treat them as a public and what does that mean? It means that you then dissociate Maybe you do not need to have this kind of influence Guiding you as a fellowship mentor But that's just um the biblical perspective um that I understand from christ's words I don't know if there were other inputs How to help our viewer what I like about that question is that For in many instances when there is abuse Responsibility shifts to the one who is being abused So you begin saying to concussing yourself and say what could I have done to attract this? And even the person who is abusing you Kind of is persuading if you want stupid, I would not call you stupid You know if you didn't have a big head I would not say you know because emotional abuse is verbal and it it is actually Sometimes I say physical might be better because You know, it's the pain, but the emotional those words come and sink And often someone is trying to change your own image of yourself And all the time making you feel responsible. I think the first essential step Is that as we talk about abuse is to emphasize responsibility never lies With the the the victim it is never their fault A child could have gone wrong But the fact that they have been caned And it has gone overboard. It is never the child's fault There are other excuses that people say oh, I was under the influence of alcohol Oh, I'm just stressed, you know, oh, I didn't know what was happening. There's so much happening in my life You know, uh, oh, it was just this one isolated incident You know, it's it's it's it's not But I think if someone does it two three times You you need to start saying there is an issue So I think the first step to the person was asked that I think Dr. You've talked about the insight thing I feel And we will come to this I know part of What we ought to be doing as a church Is really standing with our young people standing with our women And saying the church has zero tolerance. It's not acceptable. It's not excusable It's it's it's it's there are no varying degrees Of it. We just need a complete societal Shakeup that says it is wrong It is wrong for you to treat another human being like that When we do that is when The moment, you know, like that person who feels they're under emotional abuse They'll say you're not even my mentor and they can walk out. But you see right now the burden is Probably the mentor is someone as respectable as Dr. Quasa, you know And so if she comes to somebody in church and says I know I was working Dr. Quasa But it's not working people say no, you're the problem the way we know Dr. Quasa no way Instead of handling and Inquiring into why is Patricia saying she can no longer work with Dr. Quasa. So I think There is the need for us, especially as a church. I mean, there are other spaces. There's the school There's the home, but I feel as a church We really need to step up on how we are Intentionally addressing Uh violence and even the pornography that we are discussing now Thank you. So there is hope and we can find help for that person who's being abused and Reach out to us reach out to us and we'll be able to also guide further to get support I believe there's there's need for psychological Support beyond the survivor or the victim so that then they are able to overcome The abuse that they've gone through Vin is asking us a question. Yeah. So Someone else is asking how can one stop being driven by the mind desire? How can one overcome mental past torture and also recalling the past sins? So It's a two-fold question one again is acknowledgement that the desires are internal Um and really every addiction is an internal struggle first It starts within and then manifests outward And another important cue here is that there is an acknowledgement of previous The word used here is torture, but I assume it means that there's been some insult Probably some abuse to the person as well and then also considering the past sins. So there's been a Behavior pattern that has led someone to a certain point Where it is shaping and guiding the desires I think we'll get into this A bit more as we are looking at the physiology Of pornography And how how should we handle that but briefly I think it's also important to acknowledge That the desires are internal and aberrations of these lead to sin And who should we Who is the overcome of sin in our lives? It may sound You know in a big in a in a church context. It sounds cliche to say take your burdens to the cross But it's literal But more than that we are told Confess therefore your fault james 516 confess therefore your faults to one another and pray for one another There's application of a righteous man Avail it much in its working If you see yourself in a position where you are struggling with something and you've acknowledged that you're struggling with it And you want to break this chain this cycle that we discussed earlier Sometimes yes, you are praying about it. Yes, you are working on it Find someone who you can work with Who is righteous And to find this person you you you do need to pray because We look at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart It is useful to find someone who you can share these things with Because we are also told that someone else can actually pray for the deliverance of us as long as the sin Is one that is not unto death So it's worthwhile to have someone with whom you can fellowship with and say My brother my sister. This is a struggle. I'm dealing with Pray for me and help me so that if I call you at 11 p.m That I am here at home alone. I have my phone. I'm I'm getting tempted Have someone you can speak to as opposed to just saying, hey How do I you know trying to have google as your solution? How to get rid of pornography the first page will give you an answer The banners on the side will lead you totally astray because they'll pick the word that will guide you towards destruction Going back to pornography. Thank you our viewers for those questions keep them coming With every click That is I've shown that as you click You see a Half you maybe you see the top part of a half naked woman another click You go down further down and down And you continue to click past picture graduates to a video Graduates to a series of pornographic content I think I've heard of some that are called 50 shades of love And you continue to click and click Unaware that something is happening in your brain. What is this happening in our brain doctor? So it's Before I get into that as you are talking about clicking I I remember and noted that There is an issue where we say if you are not paying for something You are the product So if you can find pornography so readily available Please believe That multi-billion industry They are earning it from those clicks So first of all, we are going to get into that want to take a break because the the the things we want to discuss on Pornography and how it hooks you in are quite heavy But with your permission, I think we may take a break allow people maybe to Breathe hydrate before we get into a bit more of the science of very true very true Thank you so much as you ponder on what happens on our brains when we click Pornographic material or content who are going to a short break of seven minutes and when we return We'll find out what the dopamine effect is Thank you our panelists for A very very steve late lightening discussion um, I can see viewers from home giving their thumbs up and A number of calls actually saying that they're really really pissed um We want to sing and we will sing from the seventh day adventist hymnal hymn 600 and About a time when we all get to heaven and all these nasty things we are talking about will be normal. Let's sing together When we are We are We are When we are And Like that experience of getting to heaven I'm looking forward to seeing all of us Um gets to heaven We will sing which is your choice. There's a song you really would love us to sing Will your uncle hold In the strong tides lift and the cables spin Will your uncle drift off from We make the song Stand first and show While the bill goes wrong First and till the rock Which cannot And from a keep in the sleep In despair in the storm With doubt He's now secure by the saviors And the cable starts from He's not interested We have it across the Keep the song Stand first and show While the bill goes wrong First and till the rock Which cannot And from a keep in the sleep In despair in the storm With doubt He's not interested We have it across the Keep the song Stand first and show While the bill goes wrong First and till the rock Which cannot And from a keep in the sleep In despair in the storm First and till the rock Which cannot And from a keep in the sleep In despair in the storm With doubt He's now secure by the saviors And the cable starts from He's not interested We have it across the Keep the song Stand first and show While the bill goes wrong First and till the rock And from a keep in the sleep In the saviors When the eyes be Hold in the door Shining clear so far Which cannot And from a keep in the storm First and till the rock Which cannot And from a keep in the sleep In despair in the storm First and till the rock Which cannot And from a keep in the sleep a blessing in singing. We are back, that is how we end up on our graph here. Doctorie, tell us what happens with every click. As we click, what happens in our brains? Okay, so there are several studies that have been done and I'll try to not get too technical, but there's a reward or pleasure hormone in the body called dopamine. And this is the feel good hormone. I mean there are several, but this one is relevant to the reward system. There are studies that have been done that have been shown, they did this on rodents that if you put an electrode that stimulated the dopamine center of the brain and you gave a rodent a button to click, it was willing to continue clicking that button to the exclusion of eating, to the exclusion of sleep, indeed to the point of death. So dopamine is a very, very powerful hormone and a lot of the things that we interact with are triggered on that. So when you click on this content, I mean that's why they call it click bait. You're trying to read your emails and a banner comes up and there's a curiosity that stirs and you click on it and then there's a graphic imagery that comes up. Curiosity usually is the first instinct. Sometimes it is then succeeded by repulsion and by God's grace there are those who never go back to such content, but there are also those who then become curious and click and as we said it starts from something that seems relatively innocuous, something more malign and more explicit. But what then happens is it arouses a certain satisfaction in the mind, especially for men and why is it that men traditionally have been higher consumers of pornography than women it is because men are visually stimulated while for women largely it's an emotional thing. So a man needs less emotional involvement to get aroused or stimulated by this content and that's why unfortunately most pornography is geared towards men. Now what then happens is as you click, you know you got something and when you clicked you saw more and then you clicked and you saw more and that is creating a reward system. So if I keep clicking at this I will keep getting more and the problem with that is there is something called a plateau. So the kind of high if you will that you get from that initial click is unlikely to be replicated and so the mind wants to get back to that initial high and so it triggers you to keep clicking and keep clicking. So initially it's curiosity. So it's psychological you're just wondering what can I get out of this? But then as you continue clicking and you keep getting the dopamine feed then it becomes physiological. What is physiological? It means there's changes that begin to happen in your body that drive you towards pursuing this. And this concept by this point for those who are unaware we are now talking about addiction. So even when you look at drugs, recreational drugs they're drugs that are psychological which means your body doesn't really change when you use them but you tell yourself that you need it. When I was younger I used to go out with my friends and by God's grace I've never had alcohol but many of them would say they need some alcohol to be able to talk to a lady. There's no correlation. You could talk to a lady but in their minds they needed alcohol to do it. That's psychological. But then it reaches a point where your body habituates and needs this to function. That becomes physiological dependence. Psychological dependence is easier to break than physiological, why? Because psychology is just how you think and if you can change the way you think you can change your clicking habit. But when it becomes physiological it is no longer simply about how you think. That is when you're in proper addiction. When you hear about things like alcohol, nicotine you know the currently socially accepted drugs of abuse the problem with them is that they cause physiological dependence. So it is something that if you said today I want to stop, your own body does not allow you to stop. You are compelled to continue taking it. And if you say that I am stopping instantly for people who have been on alcohol there's actually a condition called alcohol withdrawal where you'll actually sweat, have shivers, throw up and all manner of very nauseating effects so that they even if the person wants to do it their body doesn't allow them. It's unfortunate that pornography has the same effect in that by the point you've been clicking and getting this fulfillment or so you think your brain now starts to change what it considers sexually satisfying. To the point where you are no longer satisfied by the book of Proverbs tells us to rejoice in the wife of our youth and to be thou enraveished with her why should you pursue a stranger? Pornography literally is just pursuing strangers. There's no one there you know. And it rewires your brain to say this is what is more pleasurable. If I want to have satisfaction it is a click away. I don't need to interact with someone I don't need to understand who they are and how their day has been not necessary. I just need an internet connection. And so it then changes even your interpersonal relationships. It makes it harder for people to develop these interpersonal relationships. But beyond that you become physiologically linked to it so that when you want to when you've had a very bad day you're looking for a high so you want to click. When you've had a very good day you're looking for a high and so you want to click and it becomes pervasive. Indeed pornography has broken homes it has caused people to lose jobs it has caused people to have interpersonal conflict even within families outside of marriage. And so the real issue here with the dopamine hormone is when we have been hacked as it is the industry has understood that all we need to do is create a stepwise system of getting them to a place where they would never go if they knew that was that was what it was at the beginning. By the time you are there your mind demands this of you. And it becomes very hard and literally at that point you are addicted. So that is a danger of dopamine and how this clicking and clickbait can work to destroy us. And of course at that end point where you find yourself in very weird things and this will circle back to the violence that we see in society we then tend to carry a lot of shame because this is not a public act that we are doing we are doing it in a very private way but we know what we are doing and so people who are utilizing pornography tend to then stop studying their Bible. They tend to stop praying because there's an element of shame. You would rather not address anything that causes conflict what you want to do is get to that click. So it is not exactly harmless fun as we would like to excuse it. And it's also not private in as much as you're clicking and it's only you who is saying nobody else is saying it. It's not a private matter. And Patricia that is I've also shown the link with these two dangerous cousins. Please share with us. How does pornography link with domestic violence? I think first of all is to say at least the visual one, the video or even the fictional books. It's it's not real life. I think just to underscore that that's not like National Geographic going to Serengeti or Mara and get those and capture. And this is an elephant. This is an industry that is deliberately putting a distortion of what sex is. When I talk to young people, I say, by the way, human beings, we are not the ones who discovered sex. It's good. And he gave us it to us as a gift. So there is it's not like, you know, it's not something that we are discovering and then finding out for ourselves how to use it. It's God given numerous within healthy relationships. The Bible says Adam knew his wife, Abraham knew Sarah, you know, referring to some intimate engagement. So sex is God given. That's I think once you get your mind there, it will help you when you're when you're engaging with pornography. So a lot of the pornographic videos are deliberately, you know, short to show the man as the strong in that video. You know, he can go on forever first of all and the woman responds to the requests including abnormal requests. So when somebody's watching on pornography in your mind, it registers first of all, when it comes to sex, the role of the woman is to meet my needs. Whether or not they are reasonable and I am Superman when it comes to this act. What that means when you come to real life, you are coming with that mindset that says it can get physical. And therefore the studies have shown people who watch pornography when it comes to actual sex, they are also aggressive because of the fact that of course what you are trying to replay here cannot happen, they are frustrations. And therefore those of us who are married will know the worst frustration is in the bed. If within that, the two of you you are unable to sexually satisfy yourself, it adds fuel to the other engagements. So there is this link now between people who as I said have a dependency on pornography and abuse because you are trying to bring into the real world things that are not actual. And the tragedy then is that the woman, I actually was talking to a young girl who was telling me it's now a thing for young couples to watch pornography together. And so if I have my boyfriend, this is how we are spending the afternoon watching. If you'll allow me Kate, what I've always said, is going to, when you've been given a gift by God and he has said, this is for you. Enjoy under these conditions. Then you allow a lie to say, you can actually take the polluted version because I love myself. It's like someone inviting you to Kempinski and saying with this token, have any meal you want at Kempinski in the restaurants. You get to Kempinski and you go to the dustbin outside the kitchen. What a waste. And you feast on that. And you say, I am feasting on food at Kempinski. That for me is what pornography is like. This is God has given us sex. Has said, enjoy. And then we say, no, I am going to be on internet entertaining myself. I'm going to read lewd books. I am going to, so I hope that that very crude example for somebody who is struggling and saying, but it really entertains me. I just want you every time if you're in Nairobi, drive by Kempinski, drive by Intercon, drive by Panafrik, drive by the Grand Regency and then go straight to the dustbin at the kitchen there and say, I know you're serving in the restaurant, but I would like to eat from the dustbin and see how they will treat you. Sad, have you been going to the dustbin? Yeah. And if you have, whether a young person or a moderate couple, you do not have to be hapless victims of these instruments of pornography content. It is within our power to make the decision and to take the necessary steps to begin to become rid of these toxic, poisonous devices that the devil is using against us. Elijah, how do we bring light into darkness? How do we start the journey to freedom from pornography? Speak to our youth, speak to a couple that is struggling with this addiction. So I think, like we said earlier, first of all is to acknowledge what it is and acknowledging first of all that it's an addiction and that it's deleterious. It's harmful to your existence, to your relationship and not just yourself, but beyond you. It is harmful to your children. Now there's something else that I think needs to also come up there is to, unless we understand the filth of sin, as Patricia has rightly put it, we then do not see the need for deliverance from sin. Many times, if you look at pornography, there's something called human trafficking. And I always used to wonder, why are you trafficking humans? Humans are always trying to move themselves. Who is this who is taking people and moving them elsewhere? And it really confused me because when you look at the situation, for example, in the global south, there's a tendency to desire to go to the global north. And then people are called illegal migrants and all that. But human trafficking actually is largely funded and driven by pornography. Right. The reason the vice that is human trafficking exists is almost exclusively pornography. I mean, I know there are mules for moving drugs and things like that, but largely it is about pornography. So even those people who are being watched, many times are actually prisoners. And I saw a very interesting article that they're actually prisoners of our cliques. The reason they are there is because they are consumers. Yes. So if you get rid of the consumer, you get rid of this industry. So it is like you asked earlier, it is not harmless fun. There are people whose lives are being uprooted. When you hear children are being abducted and teenagers go missing, where do you think they go missing too? Once someone has been drugged, inebriated and abused, the reason for that is not because the person buying these drugs and giving them all these things is a volunteer. It is because they know they will get a return based on those cliques. So we are actually perpetuating these vices in society. To the question that you asked, what then? So someone sees themselves in this situation and they say, like someone had asked earlier, how do we get free? First of all is to acknowledge that pornography is as powerful and as dangerous a vice as alcohol, cocaine, crack, marijuana, you name it. It is as powerful and as dangerous a vice and it needs to be addressed with that seriousness. Another thing to acknowledge is in the same way that when you do this thing privately, it does not only affect you. You need to acknowledge that you cannot also get out of it on your own. Especially if you've been doing this for a while and now you've gone from the realm of psychological to physiological dependence. If you are finding yourself in a situation where you have no desire to, this is not limited to children because they are adults who consume pornography as well. So if you're in a marriage situation and you're finding that you have no desire to your wife, you have more desire to your phone after hours because of the content you consume, then this is something that you really need to bring before your spouse and say, I have a challenge and we need to work through this together. And this, I'm not speaking this in an imaginary situation. I have friends who've actually spoken to me about this and we've been praying about this and by God's grace and His delivery, this journey is being won. It is another thing to acknowledge is the same as people who've been alcoholics. They do not then say, I am now sober. They say, I am an alcoholic but I have not had a drink since X amount of time. This is something that we need to acknowledge that if we are in addiction, let us acknowledge that we are in addiction and say, I have been addicted to this but I have not had this since this time. And it is by daily submission of our will to God's will for Him to deliver us from that. Beyond that also, it is important to be able to get someone who can walk this journey with you. Private sin is very easy to slip back on. Why? Because at that time when you're alone with your thoughts, the devil knows how to manipulate you. The devil can't give you thoughts that's why James says that every man is tempted when he's drawn away by his own lusts but it is important, iron sharpens iron so does a countenance of one to another. It is important to realize that of your own volition you got yourself into this situation. You need to work with God and work with someone who can work with you in this. A God driven and God motivated person to pull us out of this. It will not be easy but it is necessary. Thank you Elijah. So what I hear you say is that start now, break the cycle, break the addiction now. Stop clicking immediately. Then guard your mind as Philippians chapter four verse eight and nine tells us. Begin to guard your mind with the correct content. If it means changing your browser, do it. And then this is a strong thing that you're fighting. You can't do it alone. Recruit somebody to help you, seek help outside where you are. Going back to our viewers and even our audience here you can send in your questions through the communications team and they'll be able to highlight them. There are several questions that are coming in and we'll be able to come up with them or rather read them and respond. One person asked what is your comment on the role of media in promoting pornography? For example, celebrities are dressing mode and the less the body is covered, the better for the media. Patricia. Recently we had the Olympics and there was a big fallout with one athlete because her sponsors were insisting that she wear very revealing clothes. So apart from celebrities I think there's just this big thing around, especially women's body and how they are shown. Look at us recently, our political discussion and there was somebody was promoting an economy. It took on another angle where we were referring to anatomy and very lewd images coming to us on WhatsApp. So I don't go to look for it. I'm sitting on my phone, I'm in a WhatsApp group sometimes with people in the same church. You know, it's your AWM WhatsApp group. It's a WhatsApp group, you know, things that are put together in church and someone posts it there and says, this is that bottoms up, this is what it looks like. So I do not know that we can overemphasize what Dr. Harry has said. There's a lot beyond from Joseph's approach to this when Pontiff's wife was approaching him. Let the problem with us sometimes is we say, I trust my strength as a Christian and you expose yourself. Dr. Harry has said the role of media is to sell and the moment we are there busy clicking or you've seen, I don't know this one with this particular feature, you click on that story, then they'll show you another bottoms up, another bottoms up. Before the day ends, you've just been busy, can you imagine using these very expensive bundles to look at bottoms up? It's devastating. I really think for us why this kind of conversation is important for us as a church is there is a way when we deal with each other as Christians, I am happy to deal with you at face value. So what I see, I am satisfied. What these kinds of conversations do for us as believers is I hope we are reflecting and saying, what is this thing I am doing that is personal to me? Because I think the message that the church is sending out this year through the End It Now program is that this thing will destroy us. This thing will go into destroy us. I think we encourage everyone, take your time, read the material and just see what is its impact. Just think if, you know, when you ask me what was your first encounter, I'm sorry, I then thought, no, but apart from that magazine, we then had a season of reading very graphic novel, Jack on the list. You would take this book, it had very explicit descriptions of what two adults were doing and you would read one after another and think about the energy you are diverting from what you should be doing as a student. And this, you know, when I sat here, I reflected, I said, for me, my liberation was to say, I am spending so much time on Jackie Collins and one Jackie Collins is like the previous one because you just wait for people to drop their clothes and then that's what's going to happen. I had to be studying my history, my literature and that for me was to myself, is this how I'll be spending my time? So I think to ask yourself, this thing I am doing, what am I gaining out of it in the grand scheme of things, if you can get there? And I think the other thing is don't imagine that having fallen into that hole, you can pull yourself out of it. If you need professional help, please seek it. Please seek it because I think, like you said, Dr. Ray, it's like alcoholism. Alcoholism gets to a stage where you are not going to rescue yourself and addiction to pornography sadly also gets to a level where you are not your own savior. Thank you, thank you so much, Patricia. Another question comes, what is the role of counseling in addressing abuse? And the second question, which is almost related, how can we address domestic violence amongst church members? And when we respond to this, I would like us to now delve into how do we make the church a safe place? When we began, we looked at youth violence and we saw that most of this violence happens at home and even in church. How do we make the church a safe place? And the communications team will be able to show us a church self-assessment tool that we can use as a church. And I don't know whether this is happening. These things are happening in Lavington Church. Members here, you can begin to question, are they happening in our church? Are we creating, deliberately creating, a safe place in our church where people who have been abused or are struggling with pornography addiction can come and be able to get assistance? So, Sister Patricia, going to this assessment tool, maybe you could take us through so that we can examine. Before then, we come to addressing the two questions on, what's the place of counseling? Is it available in church? And how do we handle domestic violence in church? I think, as with all forms of violence, the reason that it continues to be so pervasive is that we are ignoring it. We have put our heads in sand and we said because we are members of the Remnant Church, this is not happening. But the statistics are there. If you say that in Kenya, six of 10 women have been exposed to one or other form of violence, that must mean including in Adventist homes. I think that the key thing is for us as a church, there is no shame. It's by addressing it that we will find healing. It's addressing it that we will find healing. So, there is a church assessment tool and the first step is acknowledgement, awareness, making it known that the church also knows that there is domestic violence. That domestic violence is not something that happens on Monday to Friday and on Sunday, and therefore is not going to be found in the sanctuary on the Sabbath. So, what we are encouraged is that we should have information on what is domestic violence. The questions we are asking ourselves, what is emotional abuse? What is physical abuse? What is financial abuse? What are the myths about domestic violence? That is information that should be readily available. And as churches, we should strive to make this public. And also point people to where help is. Where can they find help? That is important. The second step is it's one thing to have, for instance, in a prominent space, a poster that says domestic violence is not in accordance with God's will. Our homes are meant to be heavens of love. The second step is that at every opportunity, we must talk about domestic violence. Whether it's in our summons, whether it's in our children's classes, whether it's in our afternoon programs, let's make time as churches to be talking about domestic violence. So that our members feel that this is something that church knows exists. This is something that the church does not condone and this is something that the church is going to provide for. One strong statement that the church can make is actually in any of our departments, even amongst the elders actually, we have somebody who we know is responsible for handling issues of violence within the church and end it now representative and ideally should be at the top level so that you see, if we house it within the women ministries, the assumption is that it is only women who are violated against. Yet today's conversation is saying to us, it's the youth, sometimes men, you will remember when my lawyer in this country was talking about violence against men. They were laughed out of town and yet it is something that is prevalent. We need half policies in our church that speak directly to the issue of domestic violence. We need child protection policies. We need as part of our marriage counseling to be talking about domestic violence. I think and a very important thing to be always conscious of is that there are no innocence when it comes to domestic violence. The devil is at war and therefore you will find domestic violence in the house of a pastor. You will find it in the house of somebody who only works in the church on time to listen to the sermon. So across that prison, there is domestic violence in the church. So I think let's not say some people are exempt from this. Let's support our shepherdesses. Let's support our pastors. Let's support our elders and the elderesses because it is happening in all levels of our churches. And then very important is that when it happens, members should know I can find help in church. I have seen instances where we address this through avoidance. So, you know, when I, as a battered wife, finally gather the courage and raise it, maybe with a deconest and say, by the way, I was unable to do it on duty because that morning all hell broke loose. Then the deconest, the head deconest also gets stuck because I happen to be married to the first elder or something like that. So what we encourage is provide protocols so that even when the head deconest or any member of the church receives a report from another member, they know this is how Nairobi central, this is how Lavington handles domestic violence but it's not my responsibility. I know that when it's reported to me, I go to the end, it's now representative and there are structures within the church. I really thank God that within the Christian context there is opportunity for counseling, there is opportunity for people to be supported and we should also extend this kind of support to those who are suffering. In economies where they are developed, it should be possible even for those who call themselves survivors. You know, we have chance for everything. I think part of breaking the stigma of this is allowing for those who have been exposed to one or other form of abuse to be able to have even anonymously say, this is how I am coping. So that part of this is the shame because I say, look at how everybody looks so beautiful in their suits, it's only my family that is going through this terrible thing. So part of helping each other is for us to be able to say I am struggling with this, I am struggling with this and we support each other. Let's remove the stigma. I don't think there is shame around it. This as we learn looking at Galatians 5, 19 to 22, these are the works of the flesh. These are truly the works of the flesh and what we want to do is to support each other so that increasingly we manifest the fruit of the spirit. Thank you Sister Patricia. So what I had you say is that we break the silence and assess ourselves as a church and see where we are and create mechanisms of creating the church or making the church a safe place. As we conclude Quasar, how can we make our homes the sweetest type of heaven? As we conclude. Okay, first of all, I want to pick up something that Patricia said and reference Proverbs chapter 6. This is verse 27 and 28 and the question is, can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned? Many times when we hear about these things we think, yeah, but that's for those guys who are really badly off. This is lack of insight. So yeah, I only click once or twice a week. Me, Missy, Jafika, Uko, Babaya, you know I'm not doing so badly but what you're doing is taking hot coals onto yourself and believing that your clothes will not burn or you're seeing fire and walking on it but saying, I will be fine. So I think it's for us to realize that, as she said, Joseph's interaction with Potiphar's wife, flee, flee from these things. Now how can we make our homes better? First of all, the reason we've been talking about pornography and domestic violence, in case it's not clear, pornography predicates on violence. It typifies violence as a male-female interaction and so it makes one assume that that is the natural order of things and that violence tends to not be limited to the bedroom. It then spreads beyond and then the children visualize domestic violence. So the two are very close cousins. How can we fix this in our homes? Number one, acknowledge it is a problem and acknowledge the role that we have played in this problem. Number two, acknowledge that we in and of ourselves are not able to deliver ourselves from some of these things. We need for God's intervention and submit our will to the Lord, resist the devil and he shall flee. How do we resist the devil? By daily submitting that which we should guard our minds from all these things. There's an interesting comment that came up that pornography isn't always on these X-rated sites. It's also in TV programs. When I was growing up, the sort of lewd dressing were ladies in jeans shorts. These days I think that would be a blessing for them to wear any type of shorts. And this is at 6 p.m. When children have just come, presumably from school or whatever, but it's even before news. There's some very toxic pornographic dancing in the name of entertainment. That is pornography. You don't need to be clicking. You just need to be viewing this content. And that is pornography. It's in the movies. It's in music. It's in advertisements. Like you said, it's in political discourse. So we need to guard our minds and realize that this is a problem. Don't share things that would lead your brother to stumble. Don't share things that would cause problems in your home. If you're on sites and social media applications that don't really add value, just get off them because the bulk of the content there is actually lewd and lascivious. If you're married, why do you have a dating app, for example? If you are in the dating phase, find your partner in church because a lot of the things going on online might be chaotic. But ultimately, submit your home to God and genuinely confess your sins, whether you knew them or you didn't know them. Confess your sins and then ask for God to intervene in your home to control you and bring about peace. I know time is out, but I have a testimony. Some people who are with me in high school will not believe me here talking about violence. I used to have a very bad temper. The reason I had a temper is because I was assaulted when I was in school and it boiled up inside me. At one point, I remember there was someone who... I was put in a position of authority and I threatened someone with violence to the point that my own colleagues restrained me. And when I spoke to another student, they left the church and I asked... I was told, you know, let's go find out why this guy is leaving church. And he said, how can I go to that church and that guy is a senior person in our church? And that hit me. And I prayed for God to deliver me. I had a foul mouth. I was very aggressive. By God's grace, I never got into many fights because I was big, so people wouldn't challenge me to fights. But it took many years for me to become calm. And I don't believe that I am now calm. I believe that also is an addiction, violence. And so to date, I am aware of things that would make me angry and I avoid them. Not because I think I am this superhuman who can beat everyone around, but because I am aware that if I manifest these things, I will be teaching my son and my daughters a violent way of life, which is no way to live. So submit this thing that is a vice in your life to God and genuinely ask for his help. It wouldn't take a day, sometimes it wouldn't even take a week, but as long as you're consistent, the Lord is able to deliver us. Amen, amen, amen. And today you are a proponent of ending it now. So it is possible. If it happened with Elijah, even for you, it can happen. Your closing parting shot, Patricia. I think for me, my liberating moment, I have struggled with many things, struggled with many things. But my moment of liberation, of hope, was when it sank in who I am. First of all, when I discovered the meaning of the, the name Patricia, that it means of royal, that completely changed my perspective and my outlook on life. And then when I became a Christian, and you know, you're a royal priesthood, you know, God has got good purposes for you. It has completely, this is now my worldview, and I am able to look at things and say, how does this compare to whom I know I am? So I just want to encourage, we started, Dr. He said, with man, these things are impossible, but nothing is impossible with God. I just want to say, Kate, I'm seated here humbled because I am conscious that between me and God, I am not seated here because of perfections, but I feel I am seated here today sharing with people because I am a testament of the things and the ways that God can reform you, the ways that God can just come into your life and turn things around. I am so grateful. And if there's somebody there who is struggling, either with domestic violence, you either are the perpetrator or you are the victim. You know, this is something I must say has been real for me to what extent it is and excuse it. And when I got to a place where I said, no, I am of royal birth. I don't need to accept anything less. It is God. I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly. I have struggled with not pornography, but equally bad vices and God has delivered me. I don't want to talk here. I don't want church business to be convened urgently tomorrow. Let it just be known I have strength with vices and God has helped me overcome. And so I just really, a word of encouragement. We are seated here and sharing. It is because nothing is impossible with God. Amen. Amen, amen. Viewers, we have come to the end of this conversation today, but it's certainly not the end of our continuous action to end it now. And as the panelists have shared, each one of us has had a date with pornography. Each one of us has had a date with violence, but God, but God, God can deliver if we stretch out to help. Some of the resources that you can access if you're struggling with pornography online, you can go to getwaytoholeness.com. You can also go to newfreedom, tolove.org and communication team who share this. You can also go to fightthenewdrug.org, thetruthaboutporn.org, fewerlifeministries.org and join45.org. Down here in our context in Kenya, you can also email us if you would like support from the church. Yes, there are many systems we are still working on, but you can email us at infoatnarobicentral.org and we'll be able to connect you to the right persons where you can get help. You can also go to women.adventist.org and get resources on end it now and that can equip you to seek the healing and support that you deserve. In our country, you can call 1195 if you have been abused. If you know somebody who has been abused, 1195 can offer you support and link you to places where you can get help immediately. So as we conclude, I want to thank you so much our viewers for watching and tuning in and interacting with us. My parting short is that silence does not facilitate healing. I can, you can, together we can, end it now. Thank you. God bless you. Dr. Upre as we close. Let us have a word of prayer. Almighty Father, we thank you for this opportunity to discuss tough issues before us, but we need to come before you and ask for your deliverance. So we ask that for every person who has heard this, every person who will hear this, according to your will you will deliver them. Help us as a church to acknowledge the vices within us. Help us to realize that we may think we are rich, but inside we actually poor. Help us to protect women, the children, and even the men from violence, be it psychological, physical, emotional, or sexual. Be with us through the rest of this sabbat as it winds out, and be with us as we continue to discuss this beyond these hours of the sabbat. We pray this in Jesus' holy name. Amen. Amen.