 Freedom as some of you are aware we are currently looking for directors for this hub and others Which means that you have the opportunity to pitch shows that you think would fit the format that we're looking for If you're not quite sure what format we're looking for if you check that I you should be able to check out a video that explains what we're looking for and This is the first in what may become a longer series of me Going through some of the submissions and letting you know why they do or do not work Just a disclaimer this might be a little bit mean in some parts But keep in mind this is of course, you know, it is constructive criticism That's how I mean it and I hope that you know all the participants will take it that way They'll also have links in the description if you want to check them out So let's go ahead and get right on into this. I'm nervous The first pilot that we'll be looking at in this series is one from Kaiser Herzen Which is actually someone in the community that I do have respect for he's been in the community for quite some time But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna go easy on him Just saying let's go ahead and roll a clip Hello there ladies and gentlemen, grand and dear and random viewer The very first thing that I notice is of course you greet your audience with something branded and unique But at about five seconds you do have kind of an awkward pause This can be fixed with a jump cut or by simply Re-recording that particular bit and moving forward from there. Thanks for joining me on this video of let's talk history cookies Moving ahead a few seconds at about seven seconds I see the first major gap especially when it comes to a pilot your head is cut off It looks like you're using chroma key or green screen as some people know it and your head is cut off Which means that the camera angle is In such a way that You know, you're just not getting all of yourself, especially as you move back and forth and up and down This is a mark of being a little bit nervous in front of the camera Then again, of course, there is some natural movement at all times of course, but you should compensate for this Let's go ahead and move forward and the topic of this video is Quotes that tempted fate the first story is about a passenger He's about to be a passenger aboard a ship at 16 seconds of this video You make another gaffe now This is something that lets me know that the video was not scripted or maybe not scripted well enough When you say that this is about a passenger who was a passenger this line probably should have been a gentleman Who was a passenger or a person who was a passenger? Of course, this isn't a huge deal breaker because as many of you are aware I am you know prone to a couple of on-screen mistakes makes you know However for a pilot this is definitely when you want to put your best foot forward This is when you want to make sure that everything comes across as you intended to with the inflection you intended to and of course You know that the delivery lands Unfortunately on-screen errors like this is going to make sure that the person watching or reviewing it doesn't Necessarily connect the way you're looking for and that's not true with just a pilot. That's true with anything you do here on YouTube That's not to mean that this kind of thing isn't okay for a vlog or maybe for a let's play But for something where you're trying to do polished hosted content Definitely something you want to avoid and before he boards. He says not even God can sink into this ship Well that passenger happened to be one of the passengers Board to the HMS Titanic the second story take at approximately 30 seconds you end your story about the HMS Titanic and You missed a really great opportunity to use Not just what you said, but how you say it to make your point You said this person happened to be a passenger on the HMS Titanic You moved directly on to the next thing as far as pacing goes That's actually a good thing. However as far as letting it sink into an audience Occasionally it is a lot more valuable to pause or to stress a syllable So that they let it sink in so for instance if I were to deliver this line And this gentleman happened to be a passenger on the HMS Titanic Whereas of course that is very much a me thing to do It's also recommended if you're going to let something sink in Stress the syllables that you want to stress to get the points across that you want to get across It takes place during the American Civil War and officers riding his horse into a battle and his sergeant goes Sir, would you please get down from the horse? There are sharpshooters around here to which the general replies The enemy they couldn't hit an elephant at this range Moments later he was shot and killed by a sharpshooter your second anecdote deals with a man riding a horse during battle and This I feel does fall a little bit flat I really feel that if you would have maybe given a little bit more detail about the battle about the day That this really would have been driven home a little bit more now That's not to mean that you should make it not so much of a quickie. I Just believe that if you would have scripted it a little bit better you would have probably found a way to Let the viewer feel a little bit more invested in this story if there's a moral to this story, it's never Tim today and These are actually historical phrases and quotes that actually happen I've noticed several times during this video You seem to look off-camera and you may be checking notes. However, I Would actually prefer as a presenter if you were to do something riddled with jump cuts where you actually looked into the lens Then something where you were looking off-camera and not making eye contact with your audience Not only that but you also Ended it somewhere around a minute and two seconds and said something along the lines of these are Phrases and sayings and things that actually happened. This is something that the audience should Automatically assume seeing as you're talking about historical quickies my advice as far as this is to Find some scripted way to do this because it kind of seems like you were just winging it Which is for some content a good thing to do other content like this something where you're supposed to be an authority Maybe not so thank you for joining me on this episode of let's talk history Quickies and I'll hope to see you in the next one soon. Thanks for watching. Thanks for stopping by happy learning And I'll see you next time one of the things to keep in mind about this exercise is the fact that we're not necessarily looking for someone who's going to put themselves on the screen though those who do it's Appreciated because we're looking for people who can connect on an emotional level often having something on the screen where you can Read somebody's body language facial expressions and that kind of thing is very valuable but also While doing that making sure that you use the most of those facial expressions those body languages That was kind of creepy is very important So Kaiser though, I do think that you are a very talented person I have to say that this pilot was denied for many of the reasons that I've already put Hopefully you've taken this as a constructive criticism if you'd like to see more of this series Let us know in the comment section down below and we'll explain more about what we're looking for and Of course why some of these things were either accepted or denied if you'd like to check out Kaiser herds and link in the description Where you could find his channel till next time don't forget to like subscribe and do all those things that make me love my job Also be awesome to yourself and amazing to each other. Bye for your family