 W-E-A-F, New York. 8.30 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime. See the 17-Jewel Priscilla. A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalons cost you less. So why not always Avalon? The Del King saying, Welcome to Avalon Time. Featuring radio's red-headed raggamuffin, Richard Redskeldon, with Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, vanned over the Avalon chorus, and Bob Strong in his orchestra, opening the program with O. Johnny O. Ladies and gentlemen, the first time you try an Avalon cigarette, you'll probably say, The price of quality cigarettes is coming down. Yes, friends, just one trial is all that's necessary to tell you union-made Avalons are unsurpassed in quality. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brand. That's why you'd never guess Avalons cost you less, three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. Remember that price, won't you? Three to five cents less than other popular price brands. A real saving. Truly, friends, any cigarette that offers you so much certainly deserves a trial. Why not get a pack of Avalons tonight? And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you that all year round Santa Claus, the man who always has long white whiskers on his jokes, Red Shelton. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and, Dell, that was a very unwise remark for you to make at this time of the year. You know, present, present, present. Oh, yes, you were doing your Christmas shopping yesterday, weren't you, Ed? How did you know? I saw you on Woolworth's. Now, wait a minute. I only went in there to buy some stickers for Christmas packages. These stickers, Dell, when I passed the stationery store, the envelope flaps, waved at my tongue. I didn't mind that so much, but my tongue kept waving back. Yes, sir, it's getting to be a beautiful friendship. You had a lot... You had a lot of packages to wrap, eh, Red? Oh, yeah, but that was nothing. When I got to the post office, it was so mobbed that the air mail service was rushed. Oh, it was terrible. And they were using every possible form of air mail carriers. While I was standing in the line with a big package, a pigeon walked up to me and he says, Where's it going, bud? The charges on the package was 97 cents, so I just took a dollar bill in his beat and told him to keep the change, you know, a very big shot like me. He must have been very happy about it, the temp, because when he flew away, he kept saying, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. That's really a canary joke, but I put it in there. We needed a laugh. We still need one. I finally got to the stamp window and it was so crowded that I couldn't see what I was doing. You see, as I licked the stamp, Washington looked up at me and he says, On the other side, slob. By this time, I was so knocked out that I went to sleep right by the window with my mouth open. And a near-sighted old lady came up and stuck a 50-cent stamp on my tongue and I woke up the next morning in Detroit. Hi, young lady. Oh, Dick Todd, ladies and gentlemen, our singing style. Say, have you got a little Christmas Carol tonight, Dick? Well, not exactly. I'm singing. I thought about you. Oh, that's very nice, but I'm crazy about Carol. Eddie Lamar's ain't bad either. Sing, Dick. We said we were through, but what did I do? What I thought about you thought about you seems that I read or somebody said that out of sight is out of my, be that so. I tried to go, took a trip on a trip. I passed a shadowy lane and I thought about you. Two or three cars parked under the stars some little town and were beat at every stop that we met. No, I thought about you. But when I pulled down the shells then I really felt blue. I peeked through the crack and looked at the track. The one going bad, what did I do? I thought about... Thanks, Dick. And to show you just how much I really enjoyed it, I'm going to give you your Christmas present right now. Here it is, Dick. All right, you shouldn't have done it. Oh, go on. Open a box. Take a look at it. Go ahead. Let's see. Oh, it's lovely. Gosh, I've always wanted a pincushion. Not that much. Well, that's my little gift to you, Dick. Thank you. Well, uh, you got anything you want to take to me, Dick? Yeah, thanks. Gosh, I didn't get you anything, Brad. No? I feel like a heel. Oh, don't be silly, Gee. I didn't expect anything from you, Dick. Guys, you don't have to feel like a heel. Yeah, heel. Well, I may as well give the rest to cast their presents while they got time to go out and do a little shopping. Oh, Edna. What is it, Mr. Scouton? And honest, I didn't expect anything. Yeah. Well, you're going to get it anyhow. Here, I've got a surprise for you. Put your hand in my pocket. There. Yeah, what do you feel? A big roll of bills. Well, the wrong pocket. Here it is. That's for you, Edna. Oh, how lovely. The watch with phony diamonds. Yeah. Wait a minute. Those aren't phony diamonds. Look at those big red stones. They're phony rubies. Oh, it isn't a gift, Mr. Scouton. It's the thought that reflects the character of the giver. Yeah. Does the watch work? It does the watch work. Certainly the watch works. Just have to shake it a little. Oh. Well, then I'll shake it. You see, it has a Swiss movement. A movement? Sounds like a retreat. Well, before I forget it, Edna, here's a little present I got for your mother. What, another can opener? Yeah. Now, I didn't give your mother a can opener last year. That was two years ago. Last year I gave her a very lovely present, and those were genuine ermine garters. Genuine ermine. My mother dropped a head of lettuce on the floor, and the garters jumped down and ate it. Those were rabbit garters. They were not rabbit garters. Well, then how come my mother had six pairs now? Now, let's quit stalling around. What'd you get me for Christmas? Oh. Well, put your hand in my pocket. Okay. Hey, you haven't got any pockets. Well, Merry Christmas. You wouldn't dare. Well, that's two presents I wasted this year. Ark, Ark, Merry Christmas, throw me a fish. Ark, Ark, Merry Christmas, throw me a fish. Hey, who are you? Oh, just a Christmas seal. Hey, wait a minute. Come back here. Hey, I know who you are. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a surprise for you. A new member of Avalon Time, and he's going to be on the show every week, and here he is, that slap-happy grand-pappy Cliff Arquette. Oh, little kids. Well, grand-pappy, welcome to Avalon Time. You know, I heard you on the Rudy Valley program in the hall of fun, and I think you're swell. Oh, well, Reddy Boy, I heard you on the radio, and you're a killer yourself. Well, thanks, grand-pappy. Gee, but I think you're much funnier than I am. Oh, no, Reddy Boy. You get more laughs than I ever dreamed of. Shall I turn out the lights so you two can be alone? Well, Reddy, I just dropped in to give you this little Christmas present for me. Yeah, it's a sweater. Oh, gee. Don't tell anybody, but I crocheted it myself. Gee, grand-pappy, that's, well, a beautiful traffic cop sweater. Pull over. And the... That's cute, Reddy. The thing, you made it with your own little hand. Say, wait a minute, what are those two big bumps on the front of it? Well, those are the baggy knees. It started out to be long underwear. Pretty funny, ain't it? Yeah, they're so funny now. Well, I got the wrong one. Now, high, ditto, ditto, Reddy Boy. Still on, grand-pappy. See you next week now. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Bob Strong and his orchestra will play Jimmy Fiddler's theme song Jingle Bell. Cigarettes. Well, the store clerk greeted him with... Merry Christmas, sir. Merry Christmas. Santa Claus back. Yes, give me a pack of cigarettes. Those right there with the civil letters on the outside. Sorry, Puss. Hey, you've got some change coming. Those are Avalons you've got. They cost three to five cents less per pack. Three to five cents less? Mm-hmm. I get money back? Uh-huh. Avalon cigarettes amounts to many, many extra dollars every year, and it's just like getting a gift of that much money, too. Because judging by the quality, I never guess Avalons cost you less. Three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. They're guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. So the next time, try Avalons and save the difference. Del, that was the best commercial I ever heard. Is this to show you how much I appreciated it? Here's your Christmas present. Oh, thanks, Red. Gosh. Just what I wanted, too. A pair of riding breeches. Yeah. They're the latest style, too, Del. These were the Bilden-Slongs Linnemann. Linnemann. Absorbing Junior. Go ahead. Oh, gee, it's too bad that I didn't get something for you, Red. Uh-huh. I was gonna get you a saddle for Christmas, but they didn't have your size. God, give me that stuff. You buy saddles to fit a horse. Oh, so that's your size. Yeah. Ah, let's forget the whole thing. You're everybody forgetting me. What is it? Don't feel badly because you didn't get any presents. A little bird just told me that Santa Claus is coming to see you in person tonight. Oh, good. Santa Claus is coming up here to see me? Oh, best Santa Claus. He better have his reindeer's vowels ground. Well, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, and he's red. Wait a minute. Are you Santa Claus? Well, I'm not the good humor man with high blood pressure. Hey, ladies. Are you supposed to be Santa Claus? Where's your whiskers? Whiskers? Oh, my goodness. I thought that breakfast food tasted flat this morning. Look, the next time you eat shredded wheat, you better put your whiskers up in a snood. Hey, um, I heard you drive up just now. Tell me, do you whip your reindeers to make them pull a sled? Oh, parry's the thought, kiddo. Why wouldn't make those poor reindeers pull that sled? Well, how do you get anywhere? We all jump on the sled and go bellywopping. Yeah, it must be fun, hunky. Fun? Say, Mr. Kelton, did you ever have a reindeer jump on your back horns first? Well, it must be kind of nice playing Santa Claus, hunky, except for going down those dirty chimneys. Oh, it touched me. Oh, Santa Claus, you really reached down the bag for that one. What do you need for Christmas? Some new jokes. But tell me, hunky, um, is it a lot of fun going down those chimneys? Well, I went down one last night and it was simply horrible. Why? The darn fools forgot to put the fire out. Oh, you mean you got a hot foot? Well, that wasn't the seat of my trouble. Well, here you are, kiddo. The whole cast chipped in to get you this lovely present. Oh, well, gee, I knew they wouldn't forget me. Wait a minute, this package is almost sticky. Well, I didn't have any strings, so I wrapped it in flight paper. Well, let's see what it is. Oh, what a beautiful gift. Like it. An egg beater. Gee, now I can have an omelet every Thursday morning. Yeah, with the eggs you lay every Wednesday night. Well, I gotta go now, Mr. Skellen. You see, I have to deliver some presents to my little friends out in Hollywood. Yeah? See, they're Shirley, Temple, Jane, Wethers and Baby Snook. Hunky, are you a friend of Baby Snook's? Am I? Well, I've known Baby Snook's ever since she was 45. There's a little old church that's covered with moss where I held your hand tenderly. I always at the cross and dream how I'd love to hear the organ in the chapel in the moon while we're strolling down the aisle to hear you whisper in the chapel in the moon how I'd love to hear the choir chapel in the moon Of course, singing chapel in the moonlight. Hey, Dick, how come you always sing songs about chapels in the moonlight? Well, you know, Rad, when you're with a girl, a chapel always go for moonlight. Honey, allow me to give you another Christmas present, Dick. Here. Oh, why, Rad, you dropped it. Yeah, leave it late, Dick. It's your option. And now we come to our slice of life. You set the scene, Del. Okay, Rad, as you know, ladies and gentlemen, women are more and more taking the places of men in business. Tonight's slice of life shows what happens when the wife works and the husband takes care of the house. As the scene opens, the husband is alone in the parlor. Knit two, purl two, drop one, drop kick, touchdown. I wonder where Edna is. She's never this late. Oh, why does she worry me like this? All day I've had a terrible feeling that something was going to happen to her. And I had the same feeling the day they hung Dick Tracy in the well. Oh, she could at least call me. Oh, for goodness sake, another salesman. Well, I won't go to the door. I don't care if you knock your knuckles off. Take it easy, then. Guess you left your door open. Wait a minute. Don't let this apron fool you. Very funny, sir. Very funny. Now, I have here... I don't want any. Customers always try to force a sale. Get your foot out of the door. That's right. Keep smiling, sir. Let go of my apron. I have a real bargain here. Get your hands from off my throat. Look, bud. Look, bud. I'm trying to get an education by selling magazines. Yeah? If you buy four magazines, you'll help me through college. I don't want any. Well, why don't you buy two and help me through high school? Now, with every copy of the real American magazine, we give away absolutely free a full-blooded Indian. I can't use it. Well, how about the home companion magazine? With every copy, I personally brush your teeth, comb your hair, and carry out your ashes once a month. Get out. Get out! Get out! Darnhouse the house salesman. Give him a nest and he'll take a foot and shove it through the door. And slamming my door that way. I better look in the oven. If he made my cake drop, I'll scream. Well, it's about time you got here. Where have you been? Well, I had to work late at the office. He gets every night. Don't get excited, dear. And how about dinner? That's all you ever think about. I'm tired cooking for you. It's no fun opening 30 or 40 cans every day. I'm getting apple, it's rest. Why don't you let me do the... housework and let me go out and get a job? Oh, now, dear, a man's place is in the home. Now, how about something to eat? Dinner is burned. What happened? There was a fire at the delicatessen. Well, fix anything, dear. I've had a hard day today. You had a hard day. How about me? Do you know what I go through with these neighbors? That Mr. Jones next door. He's such a cat. We were both hanging our laundry in the yard this morning and he looked... he looked over at mine. He says, hmm, title-tailed gray. Oh, I hate him. Oh, stop whining. Get dressed and we'll go out to dinner. Get dressed? You know I haven't a thing to wear. What's the matter with your gray suit? Well, that's the only rag I've got to my back. Don't I deserve more? I slave for you. Wash dishes. Look at my manicure. Run. I'm sorry, dear. I know you're a good husband. Darling. What is it, Richard? Well, I was looking in the paper today and I saw the cutest new suit, only $17.50 with 14 pair pants and a bicycle. We can't afford it, Richard. Look at these bills of yours. Kidney plasters, $0.80. Ask for $0.30. $5 for a tooth extraction. That's $6.10 for your own selfish pleasure. No... No wonder you're always running low on your allowance. Well, how do you expect me to run a house on $20? Look at Mr. Smith down the street. His wife gives him $30 a week. Well, Mr. Smith, I'd give him $30 myself. You brute. You, you, you big brute. My father always said you had shift the eyes. Fighting with me this way and at this time. Why, Richard? What do you mean? Of course, you wouldn't notice what I was doing when you came in. I'm sorry, dear. What were you doing? Knitting. Knitting? Knitting what? Little sweating. Darling, do you mean? Yes. Our police dog is going to have rickies. Ladies and gentlemen, if you live in a city or state which has recently imposed additional taxes on cigarettes, here's a way to get your cigarettes for pre-tax prices. Switch to Avalon cigarettes. You see, Avalon's regular price is three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. And that saving brings your cigarette cost down to the old lower price, the pre-tax price. Yes, friends, no matter where you live, Union-made Avalons save you money. And at the same time, guarantees you unsurpassed quality. Avalons are truly an unusual cigarette and certainly worth a trial. Get a pack tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, before we say good night, we won't be able to see you before next Wednesday and on behalf of our sponsor, the cast and myself, we want to wish you a Merry Christmas. And I hope Santa Claus leaves in all your stockings the things that you've been hitting for all week. So until next week, we say Merry Christmas and goodbye now. Well, friends, we hope that you've enjoyed our show and be with us next Wednesday night at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation again presents Red Skelton, Slap Happy, Grand Papi, Cliff Arquette, Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, Bob Strong and his orchestra and the entire gang at Avalon's time. This is Del King speaking, reminding you that during the week when you ask for Avalon's cigarette... Don't forget your change. Yes, you'd never guess, but Avalons cost only ten cents plus city or state tax. Pipe smokers, attention. For the very finest in pipe smoking enjoyment, try Sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco of America. Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest-selling pipe tobacco in the Army, in the Navy, on American college campuses. In fact, everywhere you find men who know quality smoking. And here's a mighty fine Christmas gift suggestion. A big one-pound vacuum-sealed tin of Sir Walter Raleigh. It'll make a big hit with any pipe smoker. This is the National Broadcasting Company. W-E-A-F, New York. 9 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime.