Published on Jul 23, 2012
i woke up in Justin's arms and noticed tear stains on his shirt. I then remembered everything that happened last night. Announcing we were together, all the hate, cutting myself, Justin walking in. Usually waking up in his arms makes me feel good, but today it didn't make a difference.
I could tell that he knew i wasn't okay.
Justin: Are u alright?
When i didn't answer he just sighed.
Justin: i'm so sorry. I feel like this is my fault.
Selena: It's not.
I couldn't say anymore or else i'd burst into tears.
Justin: No, they're my "fans". They bought tickets to your show before they knew i was there. They were your fans first and the fact that they're---
i cut him off with a kiss.
Selena: It's not your fault you're irresistible.
Selena; i'll be in the shower.
I got up and he grabbed my hand before I could leave.
Justin: Just, don't do anything okay?
I immediately knew what he was talking about.
Selena: I promise I won't.
He let me go and i walked into the bathroom.
I quickly got dressed and walked to the kitchen on the bus.
Alfredo: You look terrible.
Justin: Thanks *sarcastically*
Alfredo: What happened?
Justin: Selena was crying and I got no sleep.
Alfredo: What happened?
Justin: Death threats from my "fans"
Scooter: *Walks in* I told you that you shouldn't have told anyone yet.
Justin: *angry* YOU WERE RIGHT OKAY?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?! DOES THAT MAKE EVERYTHING OK?!
I stormed off to my room and slammed the door behind me. Shit, I probably scared her. You know what, no. i'm sick of having to feel bad for everything i do cause of her! I don't know if I could take this anymore...
I heard a slam which scared me to death. Who was that? I quickly turned off the water and wrapped a towel around myself. I walked to my room and quickly through on sweats and a t-shirt. I walked towards Justin's room and gently knocked.
Justin: Go away!
I slowly opened the door and walked in. He didn't even look at me.
Justin: Go away Selena.
Selena? He never calls me that...
Selena: Jay, did I do something wrong?
Justin: Just leave me alone.
Selena: But what did I---
Justin: *yelling* God damn it Selena! Go away!
When I heard him yell it scared me to death. I'm not used to him talking to me like this.
Selena: Justin, please stop. You're scaring me.
Justin: Every thing scares you! Everything makes you cry! I can't take it anymore!
Then i watched him storm out out of the room as a tear rolled down my cheek. All the hate from last night started to go through my mind. "Kill yourself. You'd be doing the world a favor". Maybe it's time the world gets what it wants. I'm not happy, they're not happy, and Justin doesn't want me anymore. i have nothing to live for.
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