 Hello everybody welcome back to esoteric Atlanta in section 9c of our reading of the Magdalen manuscript now if you are watching this over on rumble This is the first time I've ever posted any of this playlist to rumble So I would definitely suggest you follow the link below to my youtube channel So you can explore part one all the way up to 9c to have a better understanding of What is being spoken about in this particular book if you're viewing this on youtube? Once again the playlist will be in the description box as it is every single time We upload a section of this manuscript. So we left off in one woman's story And of course, this is the story of Judy who is the partner of the man Tim who channeled Magdalen for this particular manuscript. So we're starting back on page 210 When I got home that night and my husband was no emotional where to be found preferring liquor to a few ice cubes. I snapped Women keep score retroactively Men erase their bad mask at the end of the day of each day So I was at five years of not much rope left This was the three millionth time he hadn't been there for me He figured he hadn't done anything wrong yet that day Besides he'd always gotten away with it before and I will say that there I agree with that and we know from the previous reading that her husband ended up being gay, which You know, it's fine. That's probably why He maybe wasn't really there for her the way a husband should be there But for me the emotional intimacy that is lacking is is even worse sometimes in the physical intimacy and I will say some of my gay guy friends have been more emotionally available to me in the past and boyfriends have and it does get quite quite Annoying when um when your partner is not there for you emotionally or supportive emotionally So I I absolutely understand that where where she's coming from When he drank he always threatened suicide and I always hit the keys to his car and pleaded earnestly for him to come to a Senses which usually meant staying up all night negotiating deep passages of his inner turmoil after which he usually celebrated By cleaning the marble tiles or stripping the furniture But it had been a bad day and that night I was a new woman This time I threw the keys at him suggesting he take a long drive Preferably off a short pier packed my suitcases and walked out the door I left him the spanish mansion on the lake and the antique furniture in the statue of david And the slightly damaged buick electra Luckily, I had built a good reputation and advertisement and was quickly offered a job in television The day I signed my contract at the tv station management walked out leaving me the only person on staff at a management level And so it was that I ran a television station for a year I had stumbled into radio on bluff and bravado and gained a tremendous education Spent five years in award-winning ad agency and now fate had rounded out my resume quite Nicely fate had a few other surprises in store for me in my personal life as well And I apologize because my dog's in the room with me and so you might hear some scratching and Doggy noises coming from the corner over here I went to unitarian cocktail party and saw the most handsome man I'd ever seen across the room Judging him to probably be equal equally egotistical and no longer trusting very handsome young men I spent the night crossing the room in the opposite direction. He went determined not to run into him I survived the party without encounter and joined a group for dinner only to find myself seated across from him in the end I took him home and ultimately we married. We were deeply comfortable together He and I he was an intellectual with a great sense of honor deeply wounded from his childhood But who isn't I didn't understand the drivers implicated from my childhood and I had already fully embarked on my you need to be more giving Smarter prettier sexier nicer funnier and more talented than anyone around you to be equally and deserving life phase I think we've all been in that phase especially Especially as as women I I think I've talked about this before with shanti from aquarius rising africa we've talked about body morphic disorder and um I Struggle with that a lot. I remember when I was a little girl people would always talk. Oh, you're so pretty. You're so pretty You're so pretty and my mom would say that all you know All the little boys in your class their mommies tell me that they think you're so pretty and so that that kind of Has been a hard one for me to work through as an adult and um Feeling like I'm only valuable if I look a certain way or if my hair is done a certain way Which is funny because I let my hair air dry this morning. It's kind of crazy right now Five years ago. I would not be filming with my hair kind of crazy like this, but um Yeah, I think a lot of women go through that and I'm sure men to an extent too and so it can cause a lot of um Vapid pressure, but it's like your whole value is wrapped up into a certain Thing you think you need to be in order to be accepted so That translates to a woman headed for being super woman and a potential victim I sub for a late night radio talk show host on occasion as well as during those days And I remember an incident that foretold a lot, but which took another 20 years to finally make sense The regular talk show host was a conservative and needless to say I considered myself a liberal I received great joy and what I considered opening the minds of his listeners when I did his show On a particular night. I chose to talk about a very controversial legal situation It was a court case in a nearby state in which a black woman had been jailed as an accomplice to a burglary Her boyfriend had stolen something while she was riding in the car during the night Her white jeller entered herself and RAPE beat her if you're watching on rumble This also was going on youtube so there's certain words. I can't stay on youtube So that's why I either spelled them out or I mute them is because of the youtube so We can't say the r word on youtube during the RAPE She managed to grab a knife from his belt stabbed him and ran He died his seamen splayed on the walls and his pants around his knees She fled to another state fearing southern justice and an extradition process was begun to bring her back to face murder charges Feminists were appalled rednecks wanted blood I merely brought the circumstances to the attention of my listeners that evening Representing both sides of the argument though. I admit my obvious bias towards what I consider to be an enlightened and Compassionate point of view. I interviewed a local judge regarding the legal issues and also interviewed area feminist to get an argument on the woman's behalf When the show was over, I switched to I switched the fm to automatic as I did every night checking the logs and closing down the station I exited the side door shutting the lights off behind me. I was alone in the station always at that hour I walked out into the huge parking lot to find a row of cars down one side of the parking lot Another row of cars down the other side of the lot and a row of police cars down the middle Holding them apart from one another the cars on the right were there to hurt me The cars on the left were there to defend me and the police were there to keep order I slunk to my car and drove home and sobbed all night. How could any bun have been so angry at the truth? And how could they hate me so? I was only shedding light on the dark truth. Why didn't people want to know the whole story? It was a crisis point in my southern life a life where a woman is not supposed to be offended or questioned I get that I've been through hell and back this last month because of the truth Because I just wanted to fix my absence. Um I've been through hell and back for it. So I understand that feeling of Why anybody would be angry for you just wanting to fix something and speak the truth So I get that It's a hard place to be By dawn I come to the realization that essentially I had a power which I didn't I hadn't wanted and didn't know what to do with People all sat I sadly realized either really really liked me or really really disliked me There was for whatever reason no middle ground this incident pointing this out regularly This incident pointed this out regarding my speaking voice I was later to realize that I had the same effect on people with my writing and even my sheer presence the same Same I know I trigger people. I know I do. Um, I was told By my military contact and yes, this is a military operation It absolutely is other people have done videos and rumble about the fact that I am now in a military operation um One of my contacts told me that I was a target for the cabal because of um, a few things Because of what I cover on my channel Doing books like the magnolia manuscript doing this at via code Going through the missing books. The bible is um something that the controllers don't want to happen Because the church the religion is like the last hold that the um Controllers have over the public And even though i'm not the first person as I've said like i'm not the first person to do this I'm not the first person to read the missing books of the bible I'm not the first person to read this via code. Why am I targeted? I was told it's because of the way I present it that people listen Which is flattering I also have connections to obviously, um It's come out that I am up the magdalen bloodline and that magdalen bloodline also runs through royal family and because of my great great great grandfather There's also a target on my back as well But yes, I do trigger people because of my research and um, that's been very confusing for me So I understand what she's saying because research is just research. That's all it is It's just research But yeah, I'm targeted Back in november, um Larry gators another youtuber openly on his show So that his job was to decapitate witches and then he said like that witch brice down in atlanta door Which is an open death threat? um At that point I became a What's considered a witness a federal witness? So yes military is definitely 100 percent involved and has been involved with me For many reasons And again with the larry gator situation like I was so confused I had never even spoken to larry gators before and I know he's a fundamentalist I didn't know that he was part of The controllers at that point I do now and I know that he's connected He would be surprised to know he's gonna who he's connected to So I understand what she's saying And it's a really hard place to be and I think a lot of people have probably can relate to what this woman is saying Especially as a woman You know, it's even even in today's world and I'm not I'm not like a feminist. I'm not, you know, I understand that that That has been very much um manipulated the divine feminine has been very much manipulated as well as the divine masculine But still I think there's this um Viewpoint where men it's okay for men to be controversial, but for a woman to be controversial It brings a different um Flavor a different uh energy to it and I don't even mean to be controversial. I'm just trying to research You know, I'm actually a really nice person in life Um So I understand what she's saying and that is a very hard Hard thing to carry on on your back and I cannot there's so much I can't say for me in my situation one day I was told actually because they that project looking glass I was told once that I will be writing a book It's gonna there's gonna be a book that I'm gonna write about everything that's happened um But I guess if there are people out there That are feeling like she has felt like I'm sharing with you You know, I just want you to know you're not alone Don't ever Stop speaking the truth The way I see it. I know that there is a contract out on me by the controllers. I'm aware of that And it's very scary to know that but I'm not going to stop I'm not going to stop speaking the truth. I'm not going to shy away I'm not going to let some coven Still my sparkle And if there's anybody out there that is feeling like this woman like judy is feeling the way I'm feeling too and can relate to that I want you to know that you're not alone You're not alone Yeah, there will be smear campaigns. Yes, there will be lies Said about you the best lie I've heard about me is that I'm a Rothschild. Well, if I were a Rothschild Then I would not need to fix my absence absence is how you get paid on youtube If I were a Rothschild, I would need that so You know If if you are feeling that as well and you've experienced that I just want you to know you're not alone Don't do anything stupid. That's what they want you to do. They want you to do something stupid and remove yourself I know that's what's in my contract that they're trying to get me to actually myself It's not going to happen I'm too protected Too many people around me that love me but genuinely love me So if you're going through that, I just really want you to know that you're not alone And they're targeting you for a reason And keep doing what you're doing Because your voice could be the voice that changes something And um, if you are someone like me and you're going through this, you can always email me esotericatlantic, you know Try my best to get back to as many people as possible You're not alone Your life matters You matter Perhaps you were born for such a time as this all right That night and for many years to come it brought me great pain to imagine having such a presence I was frightened Of power and what a nothing to do with it. I much preferred to be loved by all seeking only approval It was years later and many more tearful nights before I came to respect and accept this particular power as something to own Something to use to make a difference It would be decades before I realized that people who made differences usually offended someone people please people pleasers seldom trigger change My husband's government career moved us to washington dc and I began a consulting business incorporating everything I had learned in my years in advertising Perhaps it was the sands in the biological hourglass and their ever-present descent from future into past But my husband and I began to speak of children and ultimately had two exquisite daughters But our life began to unravel with the intrusions into our private time first jennifer developed allergic reactions to milk Soy all proteins and all sugars as I struggled with that diagnosis and some system for of nutrients for her Adrienne began a series of ear infections that continued until she was about 12 years old Nights became a blur of shuffling from one room to another from rocking one while she screamed in pain To crossing the hallway to lift another crying infant into my arms These were my superwoman days as I lived on about four hours of sleep broken by feedings and disruptions and then Served my clients during the day My office was in my home and had a full-time help which meant I could be with one daughter While the help was with the other That way I could be with the girls when I wasn't on a deadline and make sure no one heard them The oldest jennifer literally cried most of the time due to the stomach discomfort she was in and from 10 age And from 10 days of age. She never napped She finally fell asleep crying at midnight She woke crying at 2 a.m. And again at 4 a.m. And then that was up for good at 6 a.m. Every day The youngest simply cried all the time when she had an ear infection She had 12 in her second year those two girls sound like my one Childhood in a nutshell. I had ear infections all the time. I still get ear infections a lot and I never slept as a baby I never slept Still don't sleep that much as an adult but When I visited my client clients I frequently took the girls and this that are along stopping along the way at a playground at a children's museum or a mall That way they could play with they could play why I handled business meetings We were living near near washington dc at this point And so it was only logical as I was prone to stumbling through life now that I fall into political consulting I had a gift there too. It seems I treated the politicians the same way I treated a shoe company It was really quite simple It's all just wondering what the client stands out on and what his soul is made of and how to out picture that in the marketplace It was during the management of a particular campaign that I began became painfully aware of the encroaching power of the right winged evangelical agenda The ominous and obvious protons terrified me The evangelical movement terrifies me. Well, we know that's part of the ball Like we know that the evangelical movement is part of statinism. I mean, we know that so It's very scary My crystal ball foretold of a future had with chiseled constitutional rights I first saw a horrible future world dominated by the kind of consciousness I grew up around Narrowed and bigoted and ignorant. I saw censorship ahead and loss of freedoms all the name of god and righteousness mind you I felt totally helpless in the face of this writer as I felt in my life in general I was astride the back of a horse nothing like the horse of my childhood Where this one was headed. I didn't want to go but in my observation mode my action button hadn't yet been engaged The more my daughter's demanded the more my husband withdrew He left for work at about 6 a.m. And returned around 5 p.m. To take a long hot bath Sometime something I greatly envied then he either disappeared into the office at home or into the television He emerged from one from one or the other hours later I could probably count the number of times he put the girls to bed on my fingers and toes Emotionally, he became colder and colder until one day. I realized it had been three years since he had touched me And I wasn't allowed to make overtures My attempts at dialogue about it were fruitless my demands for counseling Brokered only one worthless marriage counselor who could have created divorce between the world's greatest lovers I cried myself to sleep most nights and he never noticed One day I recalled standing by the foot of the bed. Why don't you ever touch me anymore? I asked biting my lip steeding myself for his answer I don't find you attractive anymore And that was all he had to say He went back to reading them and I went back to keeping the girls from bothering him Which is how I spent my evenings. He didn't like to hear them cry However, my business life was starkly successful And we lived in the right town and we drove the right car And I had oriental rugs and antiques again and the girls were in the very best nursery school And I had been tested and had been tested for gifted programs Which was all the rage in north virginia if you were anybody who dreamed of having successful toddlers Then the visitations began. I was asleep in my own bed one night. I felt a finger prodding my arm I turned over and opened my eyes expecting to see jennifer standing there wanting my attention Instead I was shocked to see no one standing there But when I looked at my arm my skin Was indented and cadence to the feeling of someone poking me in the arm I looked around the room and at the foot of my bed was a large luminous shape Rather like the shape of a human body, but with no body only glowing pulsing presence Extended a firm finger and whispered to me come and write And I got up and went into my office and began a series of poems. I later called the the phantomic series These poems desperately hungered to know what this presence was It was a it was definitively male presence a highly sexual feeling presence I yearned to know who had entered my life this way Reminding me what passion was missing from my own existence I have chased you across the paths of time through birth and death and birth and death You ignite me and I burn I wrote to him My childhood experience with the three light Visiting me in my room one night had left me with a great interest into the paranormal I'd read a book on egger casey when I was quite young and fully accepted the understanding of reincarnation and karma I just felt right and my soul knew the truth of it for me anyway But it had been a while since anything had come to call especially anything that had changed me so After these visitations which continue nightly for nine months I began to write a newspaper column and I moved back more deeply into alternative spirituality with a growing ferocity and commitment My previous interests had been in the paranormal But now I began to contemplate God and I knew that it was I My husband thought I was crazy But the visitations continued for nine months long enough to birth a newspaper column Which I wrote for the next four years for the local paper when my first columns was about the first day Jennifer went to kindergarten It waxed quite poetic about a mother's hope for her child intended to speak about the hope we have for all children Only using my own experiences as a metaphor I remember one line read may your toes shoes never hurt It only appeared to be about Jennifer going to kindergarten But was much more about a childhood and a life lost all crouched in a collage of beautiful languages It spoke to all our hopes and dreams for our children and for whatever reason people hated me for writing it The editor was a friend and he understood the power of columnist He was delighted with the controversy I'd created and featured the hate mail totally in print I mean, how could they hate me for writing a sweet column about my daughter my daughter going to kindergarten and all my hopes and dreams for her I have read and reread that column and to this day. I can only see it provoking tears not hatred But instead I opened the paper the week after it appeared and there were two Facing pages of hate letters about my writing. I cried all week Next week the paper came out and there were letters praising my writing I was up against my old issues of pleasing people Why couldn't they all love me? One day I signed a check at the grocery store in the checkout clerk recognized my name and commented on my column Which led the woman behind me to say how much she hated me Which led the woman behind her to say how much she loved me. I slunk out of the store. I went home and cried again I told myself that if my five-year-old could grow up and go to school I could grow up too Growing up to me in this instance referred to getting over my fears of not being wanted and not being approved of It was the same old same old abandonment. Why doesn't anyone love me stuff? And you know what it was holding me back from being all I could be I knew that as long as I care what people thought I wouldn't be all I could be I was using all my energy trying to write pleasing things. Please my husband, please my children, please my clients I had no energy left for me My life is a series of stumbles and cracks. I stumble into something and I crack and I get out I guess I should have known that a fissure was opening a hole in my marriage large enough for me to fall through We were traveling different roads and only meeting occasionally when we came up at a crossroads But I don't give up easily and I kept trying to make things work or pretend that it didn't matter that I wasn't happy One night we went to dinner with a friend. He was on in town on business. He always took us out to dinner during his visits But on this occasion we were in georgetown at a french restaurant where the waiters wore roller skates and jumped on stage And did little musical numbers in between courses I had a drink which was very unusual for me. It only takes one drink to make me very happy and very tipsy Emotionally, I melted Remembering the man I'd fall in love with and married the man I'd felt so strongly enough about tap children with and so I leaned over around my fingers along his neck imagining deep Luscious thoughts of sensuality He never looked around but he must have mistaken my fingers pressing his neck for an instant Insect because he slapped his hand around behind his neck like you would swipe out of fly to shoot it away It felt like someone had slapped me in my heart It was for whatever reason the last straw the last intimacy rejection of the hundreds. I'd suffered with him I snapped I stood up Slip the keys towards him so he could have the car god knows I didn't deserve the car myself And walked out the door I had 25 cents in my purse when I held the taxi and asked him to take me to a bank machine So I could pay the cab fare the 30 miles out to rest in where we lived The cab driver was an iraqi student working on his phd We stopped and I picked up a girlfriend along the way She had a trumpet and I stopped at the house and picked up my clarinet And we sat together on the main plaza in town and we played music She on the trumpet and me on the clarinet the cab driver was on a tablet in vocals We played and sang the blues on lake and plaza until sunrise. I sang about lost love She sang about lost lou youth. He sang about the horrors of war. Why no one complained. I don't know I intended to leave the next night But he talked me to staying for a few more weeks saying a mother with two small children shouldn't have to go out in the cold He said if I just give him a few weeks, he'd find a place, but he never left I found out later that his father had advised him not to leave Fearing I might say he deserted and claimed the house He obviously didn't know me I walked away from the house and the antiques I don't deserve for anyone to take care of me. I take care of myself No one loves me no matter how much I give or how hard I work or how much I love I am an orphan and that is the way it will always be And after all I am just a woman and everybody knows we are of no value We cannot be saints or mystics. We are only fours We can only serve a man that we are necessary for the birth of children is only a temporary importance And we are about to be replaced biologically by test tubes and peach tree dishes I wound up staying another six months or so after the incident But I took off my wedding ring and no longer considered myself married And I began to work earnestly on my spiritual life of which he wanted no part I ran into cottage And spent two weeks alone with no clock and no phone It was my first adventure into a long time since the back roads of virginia I soaked it in I sponged it in I softed it up. I reveled in it I splashed it on my face and bathed deeply in it seeking it to myself anointing myself with a space to breathe and think I made friends with the fishermen who saved me the best of his catch of the day And I lived blissfully on a daily ration of one huge crab one glass of red wine and one artichoke As I walked the Atlantic coast beach of the sister island I had what can only be described as a life altering experience I began a dialogue with the words about a voice that lasted three full days as I walked the beach during the storm The teacher who appeared in my head was the most challenging and powerful presence I had ever experienced at that point and I was both awed and humbled by the power of this presence These words without a voice taught me about the illusion of perfection And about the light spectrum and our creation through it that we fell into matter I Was taught about the physics of consciousness and about the perfection in what might appear to be in perfection He it felt like a male presence taught me about the physics of soulmates How we began the journey into matter as one light that spills into two lights male and female positive and negative And we fall through the light spectrum to enter into this electromagnetic plane of consciousness twin flames He told me that almost never are these two original lights on the same plane plane even that the reuniting of these lights is extremely rare And that if it should happen prematurely before each has finished its own individual work They might blow up each other so powerful are the magnetics of our original lights After these caveats had been delivered this voice told me that my destiny lay in the reuniting with my original light A spark was rekindled and that little girl who had always believed in true love Who'd always known that there was another part of her somewhere out there And though the spark had been relit with clear warnings my heart left at the possibility I looked deeply at my life and saw that the that the foremost issue for me had always been the relationship It was my work. It was my love And the truth was finding the other half of me was what my search had always been about And if it were true that you should meet before each of you had finished your own personal work Then I better go to work on myself. And so it was that I vowed to call forth my unfinished personal work So that I would I would be ready I walked those three days through a fierce nor'eastern up loose steadily galed force at me So that I had to walk leaning into it. I argued with this voice of god in my mind as I walked railing about the inconsistencies and vagaries of life and metaphysics At one point after I debated vehemently over a point. I was ordered to pick up a seashell that lay in my path It was cracked and barnacle covered slick with a sludge of oil on one side What had once been life was no more and it's in its place only parasites and waste and pollution The sky in my mind split down the middle and for some period of time. I cannot describe. I saw truth I saw it all I saw the revelation of the cosmos And cosmos multi-leveled multi-round world within worlds and layers of purpose Purpose and perfection were contortionist that could bend into anything they needed to be in the moment It was all perfect And even the concept of perfection was limited and that was perfect The imperfection was perfect I stayed in this place of sheer bliss for I don't know maybe one second maybe hours after all I had walked into a gale force win for three solid days sunrise to moonrise I had asked what's it all about And a big alfie had answered me I went back the fourth day at sunrise and I asked to be able to write what I had been taught as I had never heard such Communication and I was told I have to earn the words back And that when I owned them in my own life, I could have all the teachings back They would come from my own mouth and heart Then and not just be a repetition And so it is that I can tell the story and not yet write the full teachings given by the wind in those three days Back home. I could never be the same I'd seen something and I was different I loved my husband, but he wasn't capable of loving himself And I should have learned one of life's great lessons at this point I can't love someone enough to make them love you if they can't love themselves. Surely they can't love you But I had gotten that from my first marriage and wasn't to get it for my second attempt Instead I had laid awake at night tears rolling down my cheeks for years lying right beside me and he had never noticed After 10 years of waiting for a change in temperature. I figured he'd frozen to death and wasn't going to fall And so I left And I reached a point in my growth where survival could not compensate for emotional freedom and truth I refused to let the girls grow up in an environment that was a lie perpetuating the myth of mommy daddy Based on a common agreement to stay together for the sake of the children if this was my soulmate He surely didn't see it that way and we're going to stop it right there for now because that's another good turning point in her story Um, I actually really needed to read that today because personally for me I have been on the verge of tears all day um, just about everything that's happened to me and the fact that I put my trust in someone when it came to my channel and my password and the last nine months now I have not gotten My income because my absence got compromised because of that of sharing that password And the hell I've been through just trying to fix it privately just trying to fix it And so I needed to read that because I know that In the cosmos in the greater schemes of things what's happened had to happen for a reason I know what that reason is now. I know more than I can say And I know that people do hateful things to other people because they hate themselves I know that I studied that for years with yoga every action we take is a projection of something we're feeling And so I know the threats that I've received from people I perceive to be friends Just because I wanted to fix my absence Is something coming that's you know broken inside of them Um And as for my income we'll see I know I have a job lined up coming in the near future So I know that I'll be taking care of then but for now I'm just living off of My yoga teaching and my patrons my patrons you guys are amazing You have literally saved my life these last nine months. And so I I'm so grateful to you for that So I I hope that this reading I know I needed to read it today because I am feeling very sad today and um You know Be kind always Be kind always don't be a mean person There's a bigger picture at play here. We're all a part of the story Some people are not who you think they are In both the good ways and the bad ways But know that you are not alone You are not alone And your life matters