 Craft presents the Great Guilderslave. The cheese company who also brings you big obs, every Thursday night presents each week at this time, Harold Terry is the Great Guilderslave, written by Leonard L. Levinson. We'll hear from the Great Guilderslave in just a moment. But first, the tip for you men, folks, who love macaroni and cheese. If you hanker for light macaroni with cheese goodness all through and through, better mention craft dinner to the little woman, For with Kraft Dinner, she can make swell macaroni and cheese in just seven minutes cooking time. You see, the Kraft Dinner package holds a special kind of macaroni that cooks tender in seven minutes for the clock. And then you sprinkle the cheese goodness all through it, with the Kraft Grated that also comes in the Kraft Dinner box. You're all set, ready to fork in. Sounds well? It is. Just say to your wife, let's have that quick-made macaroni and cheese. Kraft Dinner. Remind her to buy Kraft Dinner tomorrow. And now let's visit our friend, the great Gildersleeve, who's just arrived home in great humor, for the local paper contained a big write-up and picture of our hero. The latest in a series they've been running and titled, Men Who Have Pushed Summerfield Ahead. Number 89, Trockmorton P. Gildersleeve. Go ahead, read on, Marjorie. Mr. Gildersleeve gained his college education at Princeton, where he was a member of the class of 14. He was one of Princeton's star athletes and musicians, and was selected by his classmates as student most likely to weigh 200 pounds in 10 years. Oh yes, dear old Princeton. Incidentally, Marjorie, do you like the picture of me the newspaper printed? Oh, yes, Uncle. You look positively handsome. Handsome? Oh, no. What do you think of it, Bertie? Just like when their movie starts, only you've got a pretty much fashion he ain't. Oh, is that so? Which star do you mean, Ronald Coleman? No. No? Are you positive? Well, definitely. Tyrone Power? No. Clark Gable? Frederick March? Robert Taylor? No. Um, Cary Grass? Victimature? That's it, now I remember. Who? Victimature? No, sir. Costello, the Everton Costello. Now, if he only had... Excuse me, I'll get it. This is Trockmorton P. Gildersleeve. Who's speaking, please? Now, place yourself for a surprise. It's Brownie. If Brownie? I don't know any Brownies. Which Brown are you? Your old pal, Bob Brown. I just arrived in town for a few days. I thought I'd give you a raise. Well, that was mighty nice of you. If Bob Brown is... I still don't remember him. Well, we'll have to get together sometime. You betcha my life, old kid. How about you come right downtown and have a dinner with me? Oh, I couldn't do that tonight, but hold the line a minute, will you? Oh, Bertie, would it be all right for me to invite a guest out for dinner? Yes, sir. The roast is a stretch. You're sure that we have enough of everything now? Oh, indubitably. Only maybe you better ask him to bring his own sugar. Yeah. Hello, Brown. Say, I've got an idea. Why don't you come out and have dinner with us? Oh, no. I wouldn't dream of troubling you, foe. Oh, that's quite all right. The roast will stretch. Yeah. Come on out. We're at 747 Parkside Avenue. Yes, 747 Parkside. I'll be there, kiddo. By the chimney, I can hardly wait to see you again. Rocky ol' socky. Good luck. Goodbye. It's Brown. It's Bob Brown. I better get out the good linen. Incidentally, Miss Marge, is with them a tassin and finger bowling tonight. Yes, Bertie. Alira, I go comb your hair. We're having a guest for dinner. Jeepers, every time we have somebody for dinner, I gotta comb my hair. Who is it, Uncle Mort? Well, I can't quite remember, my boy. There were two Bobby Browns in my class at Princeton, and I don't know which one this is. Gee, when you were at Princeton, I bet you were the big noise around the campus, Uncle. No, my boy. I didn't go out for cheerleader. He was more athletic type. He was? What a good story, Uncle Football. No, my boy. I was associated with the water polo team. Gee, how do you play that? Well, a water polo is a sort of a soggy version of soccer. The team whose pole motor breaks down first has declared the loser. And what position did you play, Uncle? Well, I had a very important position. I was the assistant business manager. It's all great jumping jeeps. That must be him already. I'll answer it. Where did he phone from? The corner drugstore? Well, guilty, you old coon. How's the kid? Oh, he's a... Oh, you mean me. I'm just Brown, Dandy. I mean, I'm Dandy, Brown. Come on in, won't you? Oh, sure, sure. Hey, Caby, just throw my luggage up on the porch. Well, Rocky, it's great to see you. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh... uh, uh, uh. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Cisner! How are you, old rascal? You know you haven't changed a ton. I haven't. Oh, no, no, no. No, sir, Reeve. Some of your pompadour slipped down to your lower lip, and some of your chest is slipped down to your belt, but I still know you anywhere. I wish I could say the same about you, brownie, old fellow. Hey, come on in and meet the family. This is Leroy, my... Well, Leroy, you're certainly the image of your old man, aren't you? Lee Roy happens to be my nephew. Oh, yeah. Yes, of course. And this is my dream. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Brown? Why, dearly, you old reprobate. Congratulations, what a beautiful young wife. Marjorie is my niece. Your niece. Oh, yes, of course. Well, I was just kidding. Don't mind me, folks. Well, dinner, sir. Oh, yes. And this is Berger. I know. You're made. Oh, Mr. Brown. He was one of our star athletes. Gee, Mr. Brown, tell us some more things that happened to you and Uncle Morton College. Yeah. You seem to know so much, but Uncle Morton has never even mentioned it. Yeah, and so much has never even happened. Well, I'd love to, kiddies, but I'd better get out in town and register at one of the, uh, hotels. But, uh, couldn't you stay with us? You expect to be here long, Brown? Oh, just a day or two, then off again like a gypsy. Gee, I'd like to travel all the time. Oh, you'd soon get tired of it, my boy. Say, I'd give my IT for a comfy home like this with a big fireplace, couple of swell kids, and a little guest room in case an old friend should show up. Um, Uncle, couldn't we... By the way, Brownie, do you ever run into Eddie Maxwell or Bill Simmons or Clarence Benzer? No, can't say that I have, but I, uh, saw Paul Green in New York last summer. Oh, good old Paul Green. Don't believe I remember him. Oh, he was one of the boys. Now he's in the game game. Game game? Yes, he makes puzzles. Now, there's a great guy. You know, he insisted on me coming out to his Long Island place for the weekend. Uncle Mort, don't you think that we can... Oh, yes, Green, I remember him now. A stocky fella with sort of sleepy eyes. Yeah, that's right. And talking about sleepy eyes, eyes sleepy. Yes, but now it seems there's nothing to do but tattle along to a lonely room. Gee, I can't, Mr. Brown, stay overnight in our guest room. What? Oh, of course, our guest room. I wonder why I didn't think of it myself. You will stay, won't you, Mr. Brown? Oh, now please, Margie, don't call me Mr. Brown. Just call me Uncle Bob. Hey, Uncle Bob, you mean Uncle Boob. Ah, you know, this is just too grand of your gildy. I'll just get my luggage. I think the driver left it on the porch. Oh, no, you just sit there, Uncle Bob. I'll go get it. Now we'll have time for a few more yarns about college, eh, frocky old socky? Oh, yes, of course, brownie old clowny. You know, when I think of those ivy-clad walls... Wait a minute, hold on there, Brown. There was no ivy on the walls of Princeton. Been back there lately, gildously? No, but... When I think of those ivy-clad walls, I can't help remembering the days of the frost rush. Come on, come on! Excuse me a moment, won't you? Yes, Leroy, what is it? Would you mind helping me, Uncle? What's the trouble? Can't you handle Uncle Bob's luggage by yourself? Cheapers, no, Uncle Bob... Brother, what a memory. I've got a tray full of breakfast, Mr. Brown. Listen, gildly, your friend, show his pleasant company. Yes, pleasant and permanent. He's been here three days already. Bertie, did he give you any hint as to when he's leaving? Well, he did discuss plans for a picnic for the July. Now I've got to fix him a nice poached egg for his breakfast. No, George, I'd like to fix him a nice poached Mickey. Uncle Bob, Leroy, Mr. Brown is not your Uncle Bob. I know, but he's such a swell guy. He hasn't had enough use of his own, so I sort of adopted him. That guy gets more service around here than a cop in a kitchen. Nobody ever feeds me poached eggs in bed. Oh, good morning, Uncle Boy. Oh, hello, Marjorie. At least you're not going to neglect your Uncle Icy. I should say not. How's he feeling this morning? Why, I... who? Uncle Bob. Oh, so you've adopted him, too, eh? Yes. He hasn't any nieces of his own, you know. That Bert hasn't anything of his own but an appetite. Oh, yes, isn't it a shame? That's why I've arranged a nice big formal dinner for the night. Formal dinner? Do you mean I've got to put on soup and fish? Just to listen to that fish eat his soup? Now, Uncle, I've invited Judge Hooker and Rosita Callaghan to meet Uncle Bob. You think he's Rosita's type? He wears pants, doesn't he? What is it, Leroy? Uncle Bob asked me to tell you that he'll be ready to leave right after breakfast. He will, splendid. I've been waiting for this. Yeah, can you have the car already then? Oh, with the doors open and the motor running. Good. He wants you to take him out for a long drive in the country. Yeah, I should have known. Gildersleeve, this is Hickory Hills, isn't it? Yes. During the last war, Camp Hickory was located here. I remember the rifle range was right over there. Hickory was one of the biggest training camps. Well, we've got bigger plans for it this time. Yes, yes, yes, we have. Oh, not you, my associates and I. You know, Gildy, I haven't discussed my reason for being in Somerville. Oh, there was a reason. Oh, yes, yes, and it's very confidential. Yes. See those hills? Yes, yes. Our mining engineers report that they contain one of the richest deposits of manganese in the country. If manganese? It's not so loud. Yes, you know what it is, of course. Oh, it's a very valuable mineral. It's used to toughen steel. Right. It's in great demand now for war production. You mean someone's finally found something of value in them bare hills? Gildersleeve, there's millions in them bare, bare hills. Millions. Brownie, oh, pal. Yes, Gildy? Suppose we were to snoop around and find out who owns this land. Don't you think we could pick it up? Pretty cheap? No, I'm afraid the owner wants a pretty stiff price, Gildy. Oh, you know who it is. I'll say I do. Look here, Brownie little chum. After all, we were schoolmates together. Princeton, do you mind telling me the owner's name? Not at all, kid. Good. Then who is it? It's me. Oh, hello. It's nice to have you so jolly again. You've been awfully grumpy the past few days. Well, that's all changed now, my dear. Now run along and get into your tuxedo. The guests are due in half an hour. Oh, the guests, of course. It's deep in my heart. You all right, my boy? Are you waiting to see me? Yeah, uncle. I sort of stumbled into something by accident this afternoon and it's got me worried. What is it, my boy? This. I found it up in the attic. Why, that's my old college yearbook. Say, wait till I show this to Bob Brown. He'll get a terrific kick when he reads it. No, uncle, you'll give him a terrific kick when you read it. Leroy, why should I kick Uncle Bob? Because he is Uncle Bobby, an Impostorator. He's a... Impostorator? What do you mean? Look, this book's got pictures of your whole class, including the two Bob Browns who graduated with you. Yes. And one of them was Bald, so that couldn't be him. I remember now. Baldy Brown, he finally graduated. But couldn't Brownie here have been the other one? No, look, the other one was in Indian. Out the first one? Leroy, why couldn't you have found all this out just a few hours earlier? Why, Uncle Morse? Because this humbug just took me out and showed me a reasonable facsimile of a manganese mind. See, he's a faker looker. No, my boy, he isn't looking anymore. He just sold me a half interest in his manganese mind. The great Gildersley will be back with us again in just a few minutes. But first, a note to all you women who are on the alert for thrifty main dishes. You know that macaroni and cheese is a good one. But do you know that you can now make delicious macaroni and cheese in just seven minutes cooking time? The magic lies in a product called craft dinner. You see, every box of craft dinner contains a special macaroni that cooks tender and boiling water in just seven minutes. No need to blanch or bake this craft dinner macaroni. You just drain it, add a little butter and milk, and then sprinkle the cheese goodness through and through with the craft grated that also comes in every craft dinner box. In a jiffy, you have fluffy light macaroni drenched in cheese goodness. Craft dinner will be such a help with the budget. Such a help with getting quick meals, you'd better stock the pantry shelf. Remember that tomorrow when you order. For delicious quick-made macaroni and cheese, ask your food dealer for economical craft dinner. Uncle Mort had to go through with the dinner in honor of his old college chum, Bob Brown. Right now, it's cigars, coffee, and conversation at ten places in the living room. Okay, look at him go after my cigar. Oh, my dearly, Mr. Gillis, leave. It was the most charming dinner, and I think that Mr. Brown is most charming, too. Oh, yes, Miss Callaghan. That fellow could charm a sneak out of his skin. The present company accepted, of course. Oh, he's led such an adventurous life. I understand that he was once an aviator. You're right, sort of a fly by night. However, I have hopes that the government's going to step in and ground him for the duration. And then the judge turns to the prisoner and says, you may be deaf now, but you'll get your hearing in the morning! Oh, for corn's sake. Leroy, I don't blame you. I'd like to talk to you the moment, too. Excuse us, won't you, Miss Callaghan? Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Gillis. Yes, Uncle, what is it? Leroy, do you want that brown chap to get wise that we suspect him? Gee, no, Uncle. Then put away that junior G-man fingerprinting outfit. But how else can I trap him? Look, I'm going to call in a mining engineer the first thing in the morning. We've got to be sure where we're stepping before we put our foot into it. Well, what do we do now? Well, just keep our eyes open and pretend we're completely ignorant. The way I let myself get swindled, I won't have to do much pretending, either. Uncle, here comes Judge Hooker. Yeah, what is that old hippo? Oh, Judge Hooker, how are things? Hey, Gildy Sleeve, I must admit that I was completely taken by your friend Brown. Uncle Mort was taken, too. Leroy, go away someplace and pass the after-dinner men's. Okay, Uncle, maybe I can get some prints that way. Prints? I was just thinking, Gildy, how nice it is to renew old friendship. Yes, very nice indeed. You know, I'd rather have an old friend than a million dollars. Wouldn't you? Well, I suppose so. Although, there seems to be some rule that you can't have both of them at the same time. Oh, now, Gildy, you mustn't be so hard-bitten. I can't help with this, because I've bitten so hard. Judge, there's something I better tell you, and quickly... Hey, Mr. Brown just left with Miss Callaghan. He's taken her for a ride to the Magnesia Mine. What? Oh, the Manganese Mine. Yeah, he's got her interested, too. She's got to stop before she does anything rash. Come on, Judge, maybe you can help. Here, hon, maybe this'll help. No, Leroy, I've told you before. I don't want that finger-bread outfit. There's Rosita's car parked up ahead. Huh? I wish I knew what this was all about. Yes. Oh, I hope I'm not too late. You divert Brown's attention, Judge, while I talk to her. Eh, Rosita! Oh, my, Mr. Gildy's asleep. You want to talk to her? Hey, what are you two doing here? Eh, Rosita, I must speak to you alone. Judge, you take care of Brownie. Oh, Mr. Gildy's asleep. This has been a most delightful night. Now, what do you want, little me? Well, excuse me for asking, Rosita, but why did Bob Brown bring you out here? Well, I thought I had an idea, but I was wrong. He wanted me to buy a quarter-interest and some perfectly wonderful mining property. Oh, my, and did you? Well, it was like this. The moon was so beautiful, and he was so persuasive, and I'm so impulsive. I just couldn't say no. Oh, I never should have introduced you to him. Gildy's asleep. Yes, what is it, Judge? Gildy's asleep. The most wonderful thing has just happened to me. You'll never guess. I bought a quarter-interest in a manganese mine. Be here, Brown. I'm not going to beat around the bush any longer. You're a fraud and a fake, and I know it. Oh, you won't talk, eh? Well, I demand my money back, and right now, too. And if you don't... Excuse me, Mr. Gildy, but is Mr. Brown in here? No, Bertie, I'm looking for him myself. Hello. Hello. I was just passing by, and I thought I heard someone paging me. Oh, yes, Brownie. It's a little matter I'd like to discuss if you have a minute to spare. Always have a minute for my little bunkie. What is it, Lord? Well, excuse us for a moment, will you, Bertie? Yes, Mr. Gildy. Now, what was it, pal? Well, I sort of been thinking over that mining deal of ours, Brownie, and I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't very fair of me to jiff you out of a half-interest for only $10,000. So I was thinking... Well, if you're not satisfied, Gildy, I'll take the stock back. If you will. Sure, I'll give you back your check and the $500 profit. If $500 profit? In cash, surely. Now? Just as soon as you hand over your stock, Certificates? Stay right there. Don't move. I'll be back in a flash for the cash. Oh, excuse me, Bertie, get out of my way. Oh, Bertie, are you waiting to see me? Yes, sir. I drew all that money out of my building and loaned like you done told me, Mr. Brown. Good. I have your stock certificate all ready for you. 1,000 shares and 50 cents a share. Here you are. Oh, what a beautiful certificate. And here's the $500, Mr. Brown. Take good care of it now. Yes, don't worry. Now, remember, not a word of this anyway. No. Mr. Gilda Sleeve would be awfully angry if he found out that I let you in on this, too. Don't you worry, sir. My mouth is going to be a closed book. Good. Itch. Here he comes. Hide that certificate. Yes, sir. All right, Brown. Oh, Bertie, will you please excuse us again? Thank you very much, sir. Oh, you've brought your certificates. Good. Now, here's your check back and $500 in cash, old man. Let me have the stock. Yes, yes. Wait a minute, Brownie. Don't rush me into this thing now. But that's what you wanted. Yes, but if a shrewd operator like you is willing to pay me $500 profit on the deal, there must be something to this little mine after all. But, Gilda Sleeve, we just made a bargain. We didn't shake hands on it. No, sir. You're not going to jip me out of my investment, Brownie. I wasn't born yesterday, you know. I'm going to hold on to this stock. Good afternoon, Margie, my dear. Any mail or messages or dividend checks for me? No, no mail, Uncle Mort. But there's been a Mr. Connolly phoning all afternoon. Oh, yes. Bill Connolly. He's the mining engineer I hired to give me a report on the manganese mine. What did he say? I don't know. Uncle Bob took the message. Oh, Uncle Bob did? Well, I'll have to go ask him that. Oh, wait a minute. I forgot. I've got some good news for you. Good news you have? Yes. He's been so anxious to get rid of Uncle Bob. Well, now he's left. Left? But my dear, I don't want him to go now. Are you sure he's gone for good? Oh, yes. Right after he spoke to Mr. Connolly, he phoned for a taxi, tax, and scooted right out. Oh, great jumping jeeps. That can mean only one thing, my dear. Hand me the phone, Margie. Yes. Oh, thank you very much. I've got a warrant. Judge Hooker, the brown is a phony. He's a what? I'll explain later. Judge Hooker's residence. Hello. Mr. Gill... I mean, this is Mr. Gillersleeve. Is he there? Oh, no, Mr. Gillersleeve. He's gone to the bank. Oh, the bank. Thanks. He's not there. But, Uncle Mon, I don't understand. I've been done brown by brown, my dear. He's a crook, a thief, a confidence man, a confidence man. He never went to Princeton. Speaking. Oh, Mrs. Sheehan. This is Mr. Gillersleeve. Is Judge Hooker there? Judge Hooker? Why, he just left. Oh, too bad. Mrs. Sheehan, I want to stop a check that I wrote made out in favor of a Robert Brown. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Gillersleeve, but Brown was just in here and cashed that check. No. Come on. Are you sure? Judge Hooker brought him over and introduced him. He cashed a number of checks. Is there any message in case Mr. Brown comes back? Thanks just a thing, Mr. Sheehan, but that bird will never come near your cage again. Bertie, you let me know just as soon as it's Mr. Conley. The expert shows up. There may be a remote possibility that there actually is a manganese in those hills. Yes, Mr. Gillersleeve, I sure hope so. If not, don't take it so hard. Bertie, after all, you didn't lose any money? Yes, I did, too. All my building and loans just gone. And that Mr. Brown had paid your honest fee. Why, Bertie, how could you be so gullible? Oh, I guess it just runs in the family, Mr. Gillersleeve. I'll take that to you. I'd like to lay my hands on that crook. Now, me, I'd just like to cook for him. You'd like to cook for him, Bertie? I'd like to cook for him one day, that's all. Gellersleeve, are you home? Oh, there's Judge Hooker bellowing like a hook. I'm in here, Judge. I'm Miss Callagane. Well, Mr. Gillersleeve, you certainly have fine friends who treat a poor innocent girl. What poor innocent girl? What's her name? Oh, you. I'm terribly sorry about the whole thing, Rosita. Well, you'll be a lot sorry when I file a lawsuit against you. Judge Hooker, I'd like to sue him in your court. Can I make an appointment now? In his court? But Miss Callagane and Rosita, you know I tried to stop you. I... I'm getting in, Mr. Gillersleeve. Folks, that's probably the mining expert I hired. We might as well hear the sad news. Yes, that Mr. Connolly has been waiting for. Hello, Mr. Gillersleeve. Well, Connolly, is there any manganese in Hickory Hills? Now, Mr. Gillersleeve, it's a well-known methodological fact that the presence of manganese and commercial quantities in this region is a geological impossibility. Does that mean I get my $500 back? No, it means that we're all sunk. Very well, Mr. Gillersleeve. You should hear from my lawyers. Gillersleeve, never speak to me again. Now, wait a minute. Oh, I'm sorry if I've upset you, folks. By the way, I stumbled across a curious thing up there. It might interest you. You know where the Camp Hickory rifle range used to be during the last war, Mr. Gillersleeve? Oh, yes. It's on my property. What about it? Well, the hills in back are just chuckful of bullets. Must be 2 or 3,000 ton of pure lead just waiting to be dug up. Yes, sir. What? Does that mean we're going to make a profit after all? Sure, Judge. Come on. All we've got to do is get the lead out. Lord, it's wonderful. Not only is this a profitable business venture, but you're reclaiming vital metal for our war production effort. Yes, Marjorie. And here's some more good news. In order to dig those bullets out, we've got to level off those hills, which means they'll make dandy building lots after we've finished. A more profit? Gee, Uncle, you're a regular financial wizard. Leroy, my boy, that's the wrong word. Oh, my mistake, Uncle. You're a regular financial blizzard. Just let it go. Let it go. Good night, folks. Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randolph. This is Jim Bannon speaking for the Craft Cheese Company and inviting you to tune in again next week at this same time for the further adventures of The Drake Yielderslave. Economy is mighty important these days, so I'm sure your resourceful homemakers will be interested in a delicious, nourishing food that's wonderfully economical to use. This thrifty food is wholesome parquet margarine, the delicious bread-for-bread made by Craft. Parquet margarine tastes so good, you'll be proud to serve it. And it's an economical source of important food elements, too. One of America's truly nutritional foods. Yes, parquet margarine is one of the best energy food you can serve. What's more, it's a reliable year-round food source of vitamin A because every pound of parquet contains 9,000 units of this important vitamin. So serve parquet margarine at your table. Use it in cooking, too. You see, using parquet margarine is a wise economy because it's as nutritious as it is delicious. So tomorrow, ask for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Craft. This program has reached you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.