 When you feel like the narcissist has defeated you, when you feel like they have won victory over you, when you feel like they have prevented you from achieving your desired aim or result, it can be very distressing during this time. It can cause anxiety or depression. It can make you feel like giving up. It can make you seize making an effort. It can make you admit defeat. During these times, you may feel like you don't want to try anymore. You may feel like the narcissist has won, but the narcissist hasn't won yet. They haven't defeated you. They have just tricked you into accepting this state or condition. They have tricked you into giving your power to them. They have tricked you into accepting this as your new way of being. No one can make you feel a certain way unless you agree to it. No one can make you stop trying. No one can make you give up unless you choose to do so. This might sound harsh, but it's true, and I say it with compassion. Because I have been through it myself, I know what it's like to feel helpless, as though there is nothing you can do to change the circumstances that you are in. I know how it feels to go through that. You feel as though there is no point in trying. You feel as though you might as well give up and accept defeat. I know how it feels to experience that. In October 2017, I was at the lowest point of my life. I had been out of work for over three years. Due to the character assassination and smear campaign, I found it impossible to find a job. Any interview I went to, I found myself being manipulated and used for their entertainment. The one time where I was given a job, they made me work for a day in their call centre, and it was obvious that they had given me a database of callers who had told them to take them off their list. It left me being attacked for an entire day. When all I was trying to do is do the job that they had given me. When the work day had ended, I was told that I was not suitable for the position and they didn't even pay me. It was clear that once again, I had been exploited by another narcissistic boss. Just as I was in 2014, when I worked for one week and was then dismissed because I was unwell for a day and they then refused to pay me for the week that I had worked. After going through all of that, it then led up to the night on October 2017 where I was at the lowest point of my life. I couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of the smear campaign. I was sick of being used by narcissists. I felt as though I was in a hopeless situation. I felt as though there was nothing I could do to change it. So I attempted suicide. I took an overdose of prescription pills and hoped that it would end my life. I began hallucinating and seeing a monster crawling on the ceiling. The fall began to break apart as though there was an earthquake. It was a frightening experience. I then messaged a friend and told her what I had just done. She told me to phone an ambulance. So I then called the out of hours paramedics. I waited by the door to my apartment and eventually the paramedics arrived. They laid me down on the floor but because there was no support for my head I fell back and hit my head on the corner of the wall. It was very painful and I jumped forward suddenly because of the intense pain. The paramedics then used this as an excuse to say that I had assaulted them. By this point it was clear that they were all fine monkeys who were involved in the smear campaign. They called the police who then must have arrived after I had fell unconscious. I later arrived at the hospital It was early in the morning. I had a black eye bruises all over my body and a chunk of my heel missing on one of my feet. It was clear that they had been assaulting me while I was unconscious and I later looked at the CCTV at the apartment and I could see that they had dragged me by the hands along the carpet and then outside onto the concrete with one of my shoes missing. So that explains the injury to my foot. It was clear that they had no care or consideration for me even though I had just tried to take my own life. And while I was at the hospital I tried to get some rest but the police officers were waiting around me due to the alleged assault that I was meant to have made on one of the paramedics and while I was trying to sleep they were talking and making coughing noises trying to find that they would see me drifting off. It was clear that they wanted me to stay awake they wanted to put me in a state where I was very weak and powerless. From the early morning until the afternoon the police officers continued to sit around me keeping me awake until they then took me to a police station where I was locked in a cell then they took me to court and I was forced to plead guilty to the rest going to prison. So even though I didn't assault anyone and it was actually them who assaulted me just after I tried to take my own life they had then spent the entire night and morning making noises to keep me awake I had to plead guilty to something that I didn't even do I was then given a 180 hours community service I had to do work around my city where I was doing things like picking up rubbish and leaf blowing I was around more narcissists who were constantly harassing me verbally abusing me and even threatening to assault me while the supervisors did nothing about it and even seemed to encourage this behaviour this went on for another few months while I was trying to recover from my attempted suicide the prescription pill overdose had left some severe withdrawal symptoms where I had difficulty functioning I had neck twitches every few seconds which the flying monkeys around my city would constantly imitate and make fun of I would have seizures every time I moved my eyes I would get a sudden shock sensation in my head which I called brain zaps these were all the effects of the prescription pills after months of going through this eventually I started to feel better it was in February or March of 2018 that I learned about narcissism the first videos I watched were by Sam Vaknin it started to awaken me to the truth of everything that I had been dealing with it made me realise who these people are it taught me how to deal with them and how to protect myself it's like finally after 29 years it finally made sense over the next 6 months I continued to study narcissism I continued to study the flying monkeys and spear campaigns until I finally felt like I understood what I was going through I finally felt like it made sense I had already left many comments on the youtube videos and from the amount of thumbs ups that they had received it appeared as though they were helping people I knew what I needed to do I knew that I needed to share my knowledge and experiences with other people I knew that I needed to make my own youtube channel I purchased a microphone from Amazon for £20 I recorded my first video the narcissist doesn't want you to look or feel good I was very nervous and self conscious at the time I didn't really feel like I was ready to be making videos but I did it anyway I put the soundtracks from youtube studio and the images from pixabay together and finally it was complete my first video during this time there were only a small number of subscribers I remember it was an amazing feeling when I reached my first 100 subscribers and then the first 1000 in November 2018 it was only one year before that I was at the lowest point of my life and now I was making videos helping hundreds of people from there the channel continued to grow until it reached 30,000 subscribers in its first year today we are now at over 50,000 subscribers and 8 million views with more and more joining us every day and this was just something that I started with a £20 microphone from Amazon it's really amazing how things can change so quickly I went from doing nothing to inspiring thousands of people every day changing people's lives preventing other potential suicides and while it was really painful and difficult to go through everything that I had to go through to get to this point I wouldn't change any of that because it's helped so many people and it's made me who I am today it's clear from the comments that these videos have changed many people's lives but what you may not know is that they have also changed my life it is a great feeling to be able to make these contributions to the world and now I have finally had the chance to leave the flying monkeys and the smear campaign of my town for the last two weeks I have been travelling through Asia I have been able to eat good food and meet amazing people my life has changed completely and I am now experiencing things that I may never have experienced if it wasn't for you thank you for watching my videos you have helped to change my life and I know that I have helped you too I want to be an example to everyone who is watching this video that no matter what you are going through right now you might be depressed you might be suicidal but it will pass and you can make a difference in your life just as I did you may not feel ready to do anything right now but sometimes the greatest things that we can ever establish are created when we are not ready just like this channel I didn't feel ready when I created my first video but I did it anyway and as time went by I began to perfect my craft and the channel continued to grow so when you feel like the narcissist has defeated you question those feelings doubt them ask yourself is that really true have you really been defeated it's only true if you agree to it but if you choose to believe that you can change everything believe me you can and that is why I am now offering my youtube coaching service for people who are interested in starting their own channel I would like to give you the opportunity to create something great because I believe that you can just as I did anyone can do it you just have to believe in yourself don't wait for the narcissist to believe in you don't seek validation from them believe in yourself and then your life will begin to change thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you if you are interested in my youtube coaching service you can email me at nalchforacoachin at tumel.com please like comment, share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you would like to donate my paypal link is in the video description coaching inquiries you can email me at nalchforacoachin at tumel.com thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon