 As-salamu alaikum and welcome to Making a House a Home on Imam Hussain TV with myself Raqad Baqal and our expert live coach and NLP practitioner, Fahima Mohamed, who today will be addressing the issue of culture versus religion. As-salamu alaikum Fahima. Alaykum As-salam. I'm really glad you've brought this up for discussion because a lot of us face this issue every day. Yes, it is. Culture and religion, what are we meant to follow? Yes, there is a clash between the two issues and how to live and to what extent does one follow. And it is a general issue that it's becoming more and more problematic actually. That's why in the show it's really important to bring it up because we want to make the house a home. We want to make it where there is clear, concise understanding and meaning between the two. It's not to say that we have to eradicate one or the other. We have to define each other, the religion, the culture and understand what is that represent? What does that mean? Who are we? What does that say for us? How do we see ourselves? And it's really about in today I know reading up about psychologists who have studied religion and culture generally and they came up asking students how do they identify themselves and usually they will call out their ethnicity, which is like I'm Chinese, I'm Latino, which country they come from. And they were told so what is it that defines their culture and that is to do with their answers were basically it tells us how to live. Our culture tells us what's right and wrong and it gives us our beliefs but not as in religious beliefs but actually what they feel is the way to follow, the way to live. So it's like their habits with regards to the language, their dress and it's normally obviously we know culture is because it's a group of people living in a particular area place country. Which is all fine, we need to have that identity, we are sometimes very patriotic about where we come from, it gives us some sort of sense of belonging and being and that's all well. The thing is in Islam we have to know how to function in a way that the cultures there, our Prophet, Peace be upon him and family did recognize culture, did introduce it into some of the religious regulations and rulings as part of religion. But eradicated a lot of culture because it actually did bring a lot of contradictions as to how we should live in regards to women, children, husband and wife. A lot of rules that is followed by culture is not necessarily to our benefit but as we see in certain cultures it's still carried forward and it's the most important thing that people feel that they need to live by. It's almost as important as the religion itself. And they come from other countries to the western world for example and they will bring in their culture more than the religion and that's why we have problems with integration even within the Muslim communities. We find that there's so many of us will have different centers, different communities calling ourselves we're from this part, we're from that part and Islam really doesn't really promote that. If you really follow religion and understand what it means it actually eradicates a lot of that and it actually brings multiculturalism a lot more. So if we look at it in that aspect then we should enjoy, we should celebrate our culture but to what extent do we actually live by it? We should segregate ourselves. Yeah even in marriage of course a different caste, different race, different background, different skin color even, it brings about so much of the segregation that is imposed in our homes and societies and then our religion totally doesn't accept any of that. So actually our religion is quite modern and moving forward whereas culture is actually holding you back. Yes because culture just stays where it is. It stays where it is, it doesn't evolve and also in religion there are reasons why there are certain rulings whereas culture is just the way it's been because our ancestors and generations has actually followed through in that suit so they feel they have to without real reason and meaning. It's what's comfortable. It's what's comfortable. It's a mediocre life and it's actually got no real purpose whereas religion especially with us following what we do and what we know if we were to follow it properly with real understanding and meaning then you will find that actually our homes can be a lot more simpler, our decisions can be made a lot more easier and things are black and white to a certain extent but if you understand religion properly it's not just about following it black and white as well because there are certain rulings, it also depends on how it affects the other person so even if you have to listen to your husband and you have to do certain things the wife's feelings are taken into consideration. Your parents, your background or whatever it may be might not consider that. So I think religion is something that we need to focus on more than we do on culture but doesn't mean you have to take that away completely as long as it doesn't overlap and clashes with what Islam says. So that's the most important thing I think and obviously our religion is something where we have to understand the history of it that a lot of the customs and traditional cultural sort of habits were eradicated because it wasn't actually there for our benefits. So unless you don't have clear understanding and knowledge of your religion you're not going to think of it as something that you can actually live by and so people just follow the culture instead. I think that's what gives a reason for a lot of people in the West to attack Islam because a lot of the cultural things that come within it, for example the arranged marriages where the man and the woman haven't met before or the fact that some cultures treat the woman at a lesser grade or as less than double standards whereas actually in Islam the woman has a haqqa on her head even if she's nursing her child, you know things like so many rights that no one knows about because culture has an origin that absolutely and that's why our homes are really suffering. In many cultures today that are existing even in this Western world that we're in, you know there are so many problems in marriages in your homes with siblings, with spouses, with relatives because it's not religion that they're following, it's the culture. So this is really important and if you don't know your religion, seek the advice, go to the manager, go to you know whatever is there and people like oh well you know we don't really want to follow any manager but you know what it's like a doctor. You know they study, they're scholars, you've got to give them the respect and they take it upon their heads and it's responsibility on them for what they have studied so you can follow and it's taken away from you to a certain extent as well. Yes, you don't have to do the research yourself, it's already been done for you. Yes so what is the problem with that? You don't have to have all of it so I don't understand even the question about that but then even following a certain manager it becomes like a thing where those people that are following certain suit they also like isolate themselves. They won't listen to any other manager but they can think that actually other managers have also done research and what they've come to. The thing is in life it's going to be tough where you're not going to be able to like everything that you hear and see but just like going to a doctor you're going to take the medicine and you're going to take and go through surgery that it's going to be painful and it's going to take time to heal. It's the same thing with religion so don't just think that one or two things you don't like and approve of then you're going to forget it all and just follow the way you want and you know what it's fine if you want to choose to do that but look at the consequences of it look at the homes today that are broken look at how people are living with even everything that they think they have and they're still so unfulfilled and unhappy and this is the homes that we have today where you know technologies that is its highest you know money is available we have so much available to us generally we're not in an under developed or developing world and we still have so much issues and it's all because the foundation of the home and you know that unites us that creates us that builds us that gives us a support system it's just broken yeah yeah if you just follow the simple rulings of the religion I think would be would be much easier to just yes and you know the new generation without children as well you know it's not being presented to them properly so they also following it differently you know cultures taking over and they don't know which way to follow and they just think it's easier to be in a Western world and just do what they need to do and just bring back what you know rituals they had from back home and it's just such a mix up but you see with religion there is no differences you can bring anyone it they say in Islam it's like you know be kind and you know good to your neighbors doesn't say which neighbor could be from any culture any cast any whatever so take that forward in your way of thinking and believing so you can actually be a better person when you follow more towards your religion than you would do with culture because there's no segregation there's no sort of like differences and boundaries exactly there's no limitations in that way between people and this is what we need in society today because we're all referring to ourselves with regards to the country that we come from which is fine it's part of our identity but at the same time it's actually you know secluding us it's actually putting us in boxes and labeling ourselves and we say that yes we're so forward thinking and we're integrating and we're doing this that the other but you ask anyone you know they'll be friends with you but to you know invite you into their homes to for marriage purposes it's which caste which religion which sorry which you know country you come from and which city even you know all of these things and and then there's women that are sitting there over their thirties it's not getting married because of that reason you know is that nice is it religious it's not nice no of course and they just destroying their own homes that way and the future so you know be really careful how you follow your culture and to what extent you can enjoy it like I said you can celebrate it but seriously when it comes to real decision-making you need to really understand your religion more yeah we to identify ourselves as Muslims yes rather than as a certain cultural background absolutely and I think that's what needs to be understood is you know where is the difference between religion and culture and how you know it contradicts everything sometimes in the way in which we live and we need to be now thinking forward we need to start waking up and just not live mediocre lives and because we lazy because this is what our parents told us we think it's real we think it's right and we just follow suit and then we just pick you know whatever we decide that is for our benefit but you know at the end of the day it's it's a whole picture and it filters into what happens in your life afterwards yeah so in terms of culture versus religion and now that we're in the times of Muharram and Safar a lot of people spend this two months just wearing black or living a certain way of life some people even don't watch TV for the two months is that more of a cultural thing or is it more religious thing what's your thoughts on that well religion does like I said overlap with culture but like I said there's meaning behind it there's reasons behind it and it's who we're following so we're not following just a generation without meaning we're following something which gives us sort of respect and understanding as to why we are you know we are mourning in this month so it's it's it's said to be wearing these sort of colors and to perform certain rituals obviously there are certain extents where people take it to another level in which they will follow and that is cultural too you can keep it very simple or you can go beyond so I can understand that there is a you know there's an understanding there that you know religion can be cultural and yes because it's over time that certain things are done from the time of our resolve and at the same time you know but like I said it's with understanding and meaning there's a benefit to yourselves and to everyone else there's you know there's meaning behind it there's so much more in depth reasoning than just following a certain culture for no benefit and especially you know if it's of you know good use and if it's like beneficial if it makes you know doesn't help and hurt anyone then yeah culture can be followed but when it becomes harmful when it becomes where someone's been treated unfairly then obviously it needs to be questioned now wearing black or mourning or being respectful and you know having some sort of like remembrance because it's reflection there's nothing wrong in that even if it does come under cultural sort of ways which is fine and even most cultures if they do certain things which is actually going to benefit you you know according to the rules and regulations of Islam then there's nothing wrong in that but when there's double standards when they you know there's mistreatment between you know gender when there's like you know stoppage of you know marriage or potential life that's been lived in a in a much more open way which religion is it allows but culture doesn't then obviously there's something to be questioned yeah so we have to be careful to portray or to pass on the message to our children yes when it comes to the rituals of Muharram and Safar yes they are just out of respect and it's not because you know I hear a lot of children saying oh it's Haram to wear any colors in Muharram and Safar or it's Haram to Choo Chooingam in Muharram and Safar so they don't understand that it's actually respect it's a culture thing and it's not Haram you're not gonna get punished for wearing certain color yeah I mean it's also out of respect that you know people won't get married during this month I mean the Nikah can be performed as long as it's done in a respectful way but most people would not even do that so you know that's just like I would say it's like a lot of common sense but obviously to children it has to be explained in a way that you know this is not the time for sort of celebration because it's like yeah it's a sad time so then you follow suit with regards to it just like if there was a funeral in your own home you're not gonna be doing certain things and you're gonna be you know keeping away from certain things it's the same sort of concept so it's not necessarily cultural it's just you know it's it's a way of being with certain things that happen and occur so that's what it is I find myself explaining to people when they asked me about why you don't do celebrations even by Shia themselves I just say just imagine one of your family members exactly a grandfather of yours so we should act the same way that as if our grandfather or a family member has died yeah how sad would you be and to what extent would you celebrate to what extent how would you dress in those times yeah I mean exactly it's an emotion that you're going through so you know and it's even if you don't have the emotion it's the respect of of what's happened so yes that's what you know you can actually come forward like you just said so in order for us to actually you know live in a most healthy balanced way I think it's it's nothing wrong in you know being proud of where you come from and you know dressing a certain way obviously speaking the language you have foods that are amazing from different cultures and backgrounds and you know the habits that we have but like I said we need to understand our religion more so those cultures do not take over and they do not you know sort of like contradict our religion and I think our homes nowadays are just totally you know not all of it but a lot of it because of the problems that are being faced is because people are confused they confuse as to what is right what is wrong what we can do what we cannot do and as psychologists ask you know generally people what is their identity and why is that their identities because they feel that this is the way we have to live and belong so when you are in a home and you've got family you've got generations around you whether it's your you know your own children or not you need to really know what does you know Islam do for me how am I living as a Muslim what is my identity how do I see myself and when you have those questions you got to keep questioning you know as children we question we got to learn from them as we get older and still keep questioning so that when we question ourselves we can come up with the right answers and we can live in the right way because we need to take ourselves out of the sort of like realm that we're in sometimes and not just get bogged down with you know just living this ritual that we do without questioning it and follow the right way which is the way that our Prophet and his family peace upon them have taught us to be and that's the guidance that we need in our homes thank you favor that was very very insightful and I'm sure a lot of people a lot of people would find that very helpful because a lot of us are actually confused as to which is more important I mean we all know in our hearts that religion is more important but sometimes we do end up following culture more just to please our community or society and that can actually affect our religion because sometimes you do something and you're not sure if you're actually doing it for Allah or you doing it for society yes or doing it to please the people surrounding you so it's a very important subject to be to be addressed and we really appreciate it and we're coming towards our break and inshallah after the break we'll be reading some of your questions that you have sent to Fahima back soon Assalamu alaikum and welcome to making a house a home where today we're discussing culture versus religion we're back with some questions from the viewers Fahima I've got a couple of questions for you from one from Layla how can culture not be part of living when it has been the way for generations and especially when it carries part of our identity yeah it is a very important part and no one's saying we should totally eradicate it it's just to what extent that you're going to be living your culture and you gotta really know yourself what is more important what do you love you know do you love you know the generations that you've been brought up in you know Islam exists today because things you know were eradicated from the time of you know time for a prophet before that because things were just not done in the right way so we can't be blinded to we have to know that religion comes first and that's our identity first and foremost that's who we are and that's what gives us the way in living so I know it's tough I know that there's many cultures out there that they follow a certain suit because it's important for them to do certain rituals but like I said if it if it contradicts your religion and if it's something that overlaps in a sense that it's actually causing more harm and damage then you do need to question that and it does you know obviously it will not benefit you in any way in fact you're gonna be doing harm to your home and your family and make yourself aware and be knowledgeable as to you know what exactly are you doing like I said before you know eating certain foods speaking a language dressing a certain way but even that to a certain extent does that conform with the ways of Islam so yes it's part of us and yes we will always identify ourselves with where we come from and we will continue with certain ways in which we live because of our culture but when we take it to the extent where it's actually stopping us from you know integrating if it's stopping us from being fair and just if it's stopping us from being righteous in the way in which we should be if we're gonna call ourselves Muslims then you know that's something that you really need to sort of look into a lot more deeper and I have another question from Mustafa in my background I have seen that it is it is more important to follow traditions that are cultural so how can this be changed when it has been practiced for so many years especially now when the new generation can see how much unnecessary conflict is can bring I mean you know with my training and being in coaching and doing NLP yes we as humans generally find it very hard to break habits but if there's an identification and an awareness of what we're doing right or wrong and we can actually you know be conscious of you know what changes we want to make then we have to take that upon ourselves first before we try and change society or families so you as an individual need to be aware of what it is that you want for yourself take the steps to go through those changes and a habit generally it says between 60 to 90 days but I think personally you know if you love something and you believe in something and you want it it can happen instantly too it depends on what that change is when anyone loves something they'll make time for it and they will make changes for it you love a football game you drive miles and hours sitting traffic pay lots of money and go watch that game when it comes yes of course you'll take time and plan when it comes to your own family members to take time or someone that you love or you committed to you make excuses so any habit can be changed and it starts with yourself so if you want to change others it's very difficult unless you can change yourself first and there's a filter you know there's like there's a domino effect but it always starts from yourself so you want to you know make a difference in the world and if you want to you know see the change do that for yourself and you know inshallah you know that only will bring out the differences in your family and if you feel that the culture that you're following is not hundred percent correct or it's in contradiction with your religion then you be that change and then the rest will follow as they say if you want to change the world you start by changing just yourself that's all it starts with yes and that's all you need so you know we always like make judgments and opinions about other people and we see ourselves as higher for whatever reason it may be but that's not the way to look at it because when you're making judgment it mainly defines you not the other person so I think just constantly look in the mirror and if you know yourself well or you want to learn more you want more knowledge or you know you want to better yourself you want to do things for the world you want to do things for society your community your family it just you got to take that first step and it's not easy and you can you know it it can actually cause even conflict within the family so that you have to be aware of it so you got to know your answers when you're going to be questioned as to why you're changing or why you're not doing certain things if whatever the issues are that you feel is causing you know problems in the house which you are following culture more than religion so you stand up with those answers you know that you know okay you call yourself a Muslim you are Muslim this is what Islam says so this is what I'm going to follow so then you have to be ready and prepared for that don't just do it blindly as well you have to be you know having the wisdom and be smart use the right language don't be forceful don't be arrogant about it don't have pride about it because you think now you've got an awakening no you would be humble about it as well yeah you know it's all these things come into play to be very careful because you know these things have been practiced for generations and for decades and for centuries in some families and cultures so it's not going to be that simple to break but step by step you know one by one and that's how you move okay a question from Amina can one not describe religion as culture yeah we briefly touched on that before by saying that you know certain things in religion is looked upon as cultural but like I said it's because it has meaning to it whereas some cultures are you know are followed just blindly without meaning or it's a meaning which is actually of not beneficial beneficial to yourself so you know with religion and especially religion of Islam there are reasons for everything that you know we have to abide by there is you know there are certain circumstances where we might not understand fully but we are given a lot of answers and sort of you know reasons why we should do certain things and we should follow certain ways so that's where I think it's more powerful where you cannot put the two as the same because in culture it's just because we've always done it that way whereas religion you do it this way and this is the way of our prophet who we believe in and his family peace be upon them but at the same time it's it's it's not a blind belief it's not a belief that is that is just so lacking sort of like understanding and reasoning so I think you cannot really put the two as the same even though it can be looked upon that way because obviously our religion is for generations and you know for periods of time integrated within culture integrated but I don't see like I said anything wrong in that being integrated as long as there's no contradiction to the religion and if it's bringing benefit if it's bringing communities together if it's exciting other people with regards to giving them knowledge of how different people live around the world and you know how they do things differently we can learn from different cultures you know it's information it's knowledge as well so don't disregard it thinking that it's completely something that we should not take upon ourselves so culture is beautiful it's absolutely wonderful and at the same time it should be respected because a lot of the times we even use that as an excuse to actually make fun of other people because they're not from your culture so you know look as people as human beings as human race is one with different colors different backgrounds different smells different looks different everything but knowingly that Islam brings it all together no matter where you come from no matter what you do that's what unites us and even within our religion we should be welcoming people from outside the religions go be go beyond that and even people that have no belief or things that are completely contradictory to what we believe in open yourselves out there don't just judge because you have no understanding of why they've come to that conclusion so the question of religion and culture is extremely important and I think that we need to have much more in-depth understanding in-depth knowledge and have a really you know useful way of you know bringing it to our homes so it's to benefit us and we can enjoy the both and we can actually celebrate both and we can actually live in both but you know just be careful how you sort of like use one or the other and there is a balance to a certain extent so as a life coach would you say that a person that had that questions can religion and culture be described as the same thing would you think that the person is a bit confused or I don't think it's about confusion because it is it is something which like I said can be overlapped I just think you know the more questions you ask and you choose how you want to live if you identify yourself as a Muslim that is first and foremost and I think that's where we get our problems because we identify ourselves as Iraqis we identify as ourselves as Hoja we identify as us Iranians or Pakistanis that's when there's a problem identify yourself firstly as humans with brothers and sisters alike as you and deserve the same as you treatment you know quality and standards and our religion brings that and our religion is the umbrella for all of this so you have to be very wise and knowledgeable that our religion is actually the movement that needs to be so it's only because you look at it in a as a backward way it's only because you look at it as something restricting something that you cannot you know live life because it's you know all these rules and all these things that you can and cannot do but in every country in every you know where that you go that's what rules and regulations are for but our rules and regulations are actually a lot more advanced than even some of the Western society yes so I just think it's not about being confused it's about having the right knowledge reading in between the lines being clear knowing yourself and your identity is really important so identify with your identity but prioritize what comes on top and I think religion comes on top thank you so much for him you've given us such an enlightening insight about this topic and inshallah all our viewers have benefited from our discussion and we really appreciate your questions and inshallah we've been able to answer them the best way we can inshallah we'll be back next week with more topics to discuss thank you my Serana if you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode please contact your local GP over here on the hand on coach FM one at hotmail.com