 Palm olive soap, Colgate dental cream and palm olive shave cream bring you our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. One of the truly fine friendships our Miss Brooks has made in her years of teaching English at Madison High School is the one with her landlady, Mrs. Davis. Their friendship is so close that there are times when each knows what the other is thinking without either saying a word. No, not one word. All Mrs. Davis has to do is raise six fingers, and I know just how many weeks I'm behind in my room rent. And all I have to do is make a circle with my thumb and forefinger, and she knows how much chance of getting it. Thursday morning when another week's rent was due, Mrs. Davis was at a meeting of her ladies' aid club, preparatory to inaugurating their new clubhouse that evening. Taking her place at breakfast with me was one Walter Denton, who usually managed to eat as if he were three Walter Dentons. Thursday he was doing his best to live up to his reputation. You enjoying your breakfast, Walter? Just nod your head, boy. No words could possibly escape through that barrier. Well, pardon me, dear teacher, but you caught me with my jaws chock full of Mrs. Davis's salubrious vic-tuals. The trick is to catch you when they aren't. Now if you're through, we'd better be on our way to school. All right, but first I have something to show you. Really? What? Well, if you'll step to the window and pull up the blinds, I'm sure you'll get a big surprise. What are you gonna do? Push me out? It's standing right in front of the house. All right, let's see what it is. We're lovely orbs upon it, dear teacher. Your newest means of transportation. Where? All I see out there is a broken-down moving van. She's a beauty. I own it. Our rather-boned snodgrass and I own it together. We traded our jalapes in for the moving van the day before yesterday. As soon as we saw it, we knew this would be the perfect business for the firm of Denton and Snodgrass, a firm that combines brawn and brains. Really? Who's the third partner? Yeah, and to prove it, I already have our first order for Mrs. Conway, a friend of my mother's. She wants the stuff delivered tomorrow morning. Yeah, out in yonder van is her entire one-room suite of furniture. A complete with chandelier. Oh good. My one ambition has always been to ride to school hanging from a chandelier. So far, you've had me hanging from everything else. I'm not kidding, Miss Brooks. This venture is the most important of my life. Unfortunately, I'm still faced with one or two problems, one of which I feel certain you can help me with. How? Oh, it's very simple. It concerns where I'm going to leave my moving van overnight tonight. I thought you'd persuade Mrs. Davis to let me leave it in her driveway. Would you, Miss Brooks? Well, I suppose... Oh, thank you, Miss Brooks. I knew you would let me. Well, now that that's all settled, I guess we'd better be on our way to school. Yeah, unless you want to pick up something before we go. Only the rest of my last sentence. However, I suppose you could leave the van in our driveway overnight, since Mrs. Davis won't be using her car till it's repaired. Now we'd really better get going. Unfortunately, I have to see Mr. Conklin first thing this morning. You do? Well, now that is a coincidence, since Mr. Conklin happens to be the second problem you can help me with. I'm sorry, one truck is all our driveway can handle. That is, you'll have to handle Mr. Conklin yourself, Walter. No, it won't be difficult, Miss Brooks. It's just that I have to drive this van past his office window to put it in the school parking lot. And if he happens to see it, he's liable to erupt like old faithful. Twice as juicy. But I fail to see how all you have to do is keep him from looking out of the window for a few minutes, Miss Brooks. I guess I could do that. Well, of course you could. Just keep him looking at you. That's an idea, Walter. If he can spoil my morning, I can spoil his. Martha, there's nothing I'd rather do. Nothing in the world. Can I help it if I have to be out of town tonight on business for Mr. Stone? Oh, I suppose not. Certainly came up awfully suddenly. Well, you told me about the meeting awfully suddenly. That is, I would have let you know sooner, but I didn't think it was necessary until you told me about the meeting. Well, it certainly seems strange to me. You had to go out of town for Mr. Stone the last time my lady's aide group asked you to speak too. The man has a simply uncanny knack of picking just the wrong knife. Osgood, it isn't the fifty dollars you were asked to contribute after we inaugurated our last clubhouse, is it? Magnolia Blossom. How could you even think such a thing? Give him for a moment. I thought it was the fifty dollars. Oopsie girl. How could you doubt your Osgood? Oh, just a moment, Martha. There's someone at the door. Come in. Good morning, sir. I have the report. Oh, it's you, Miss Brooks. Excuse me. My wife's hanging on the phone. Well, quick, cut her down. You're speaking to her. Well, go right ahead, sir. I'll wait. Hello, angel eyes. Just put all those horrid doubts out of your mind. When your Osgood says he has to go out of town on business for Mr. Stone, your Osgood means exactly that. I'll see you before I go. Goodbye, Pat. Miss Brooks, can you imagine my wife not wanting to believe I have to be away from home overnight? Seems incredible to me. Then you really have to go away on business, your Osgood. Uh, Mr. Conkler? Of course I have to. Do you think because my wife's lady's aid group wants me to speak and perhaps contribute fifty dollars tonight, that I'd resort to the twin shames of deceit and subterfuge? Which hotel are you staying at in town, sir? Oh, I wouldn't dare stare at a hotel. It's much too risky. It's, it's, oh, oh. Well, if you must know, I simply can't afford the fifty dollars, Miss Brooks. Now that my secret is out, perhaps you can help me find a place to sleep tonight. Oh, I'd like to, sir, but our driveway is already spoken for. That is, most of the people we know are members of your wife's group. I know. And if she ever finds out... Here you go. What was that? What was what? Those sounds outside my window. That was either a truck backfiring, or those were shots. I knew someone would catch up with Miss Enright sooner or later. My, isn't it awfully bright in here, sir? I don't know when. I've seen such a glare from the sun. I'd better pull down your shades. Glair from the sun? What are you talking about? How could there be any sun in here this time of morning? My windows face west. Well, uh, the, the days are getting awfully short this time of year. Anyway, there's no use waiting till the last second. Now I'll just pull down your shades. Is a truck backfiring? Well, I'll soon see what it's doing outside my window. Oh, but, Mr. Compton, I'm certain that... Holy cow, it's a moving van. And Walter Denton's driving it to our parking lot. What is that idiot Denton doing with a moving van? Maybe his books are heavier than the other kids. Didn't want me to see that van pass my window, did you? Now, suppose you tell me what this is all about. Well, since you've already seen it, sir, I suppose there's no harm in telling you that Walter and Bone Snodgrass have gone into the moving business together. They've gone into the moving business? Yes, sir. They've already got their first order from a Mrs. Conway. Her entire one-room suite is on that van. They're delivering it tomorrow, and they just need a place to put their van till they collect the money for it. Tonight, I'm letting them leave it in our driveway, and I... Ah, so you're a collaborator on this scheme. A scheme which is against all the rules of this school. Using school property to conduct a full-time business is the severest offence I can conceive of. An offence demanding instant expulsion from... They've got a one-room suite on that van. Is that a complete one-room suite? Yes, sir. Complete with chairs, bed, and built-in principle. I think it might be just what I'm looking for, Miss Brooks. Yes, just what I need. A perfect place to spend the night. Now, no one must know about this, Miss Brooks. Oh, no, sir. Neither students nor faculty. This is a secret which you must carry with you to your grave. Understand? Yes, sir. If I don't, that may happen a lot sooner than I expect. Miss Brooks, wait a minute. Oh, hello, Mr. Boynham. How's everything? Well, Miss Brooks, I'm faced with a problem. Now, I don't want you to think I'm crying on your shoulder. Just put your head there and let me worry. I won't, Mr. Boynham. What's your problem? Well, um, it's the same old thing. That is, it's something old and yet something new. Make that something borrowed and something blue, and I might get interested. I still don't understand. Well, I'm slightly in arrears in my room, rent to Mrs. Miller. But we're all slightly in arrears in our rent, Mr. Boynham. How much are you behind? Counting this week? Yes. Three months. I'll give you Mrs. Davis in six weeks. Hey, you are in trouble, aren't you? Up to my neck. Mrs. Miller is so angry she threatened to hand me my eviction notice if I didn't have some of the rent by tonight. She's stopping by before her lady's eight meeting at eight, and again when it's over. Well, what are you going to do? Well, the only thing I can do is find some other place to stay overnight. Oh, I know by tomorrow she'll calm down and reconsider. However, I did think of one possibility. A place you could help me with. Where no one would think of finding me. Where I'm reasonably certain. Well, now don't laugh when I say this. But Walter's moving van would be perfect for my purposes. That's not a moving van. That's a hotel. Walter told me it'll be in your driveway overnight. And if you'll let me stay there, I'll be in your debt as long as I live. Well, all right, Mr. Boynham. But there's something I'd better warn you about in case you wake up in the morning. I'd better warn you about in case you wake up in the middle of the night. What's that? If you happen to find two feet in your face, don't be alarmed. They're not yours. I agreed to let Walter leave his moving van and Mrs. Davis' driveway overnight. I had no idea I'd have to put a quiet do not disturb sign on its rear doors. But with Mr. Conklin and Mr. Boynham persuading me to let them use it as sleeping quarters for the night, I felt like a desk clerk without portfolio. Quietly cursing the brains of the firm of Denton and Snodgrass on my way to the school cafeteria at noon when I happened to run into the brawn. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hello, Bones. How's everything with Denton, Snodgrass and company? I think you made a mistake, Miss Brooks. A mistake? Yeah. There's my brother's stretch, Snodgrass, and me. Bones, Snodgrass. But there ain't no one named Denton, Snodgrass. I'm talking about Walter, Denton. Well, I'm going to meet Walter at the lunch. And boy, have I got some good news for him. You have? Yeah. Well, that Walter thinks he's so smart just because he got an order from Mrs. Conway. Waitly hears about the order I got. Mrs. Davis give me an order to move all her furniture from our old clubhouse to a new one tonight. Mrs. Davis can't do this. Not with Mr. Boynham and Mr. Conklin the sleep. Excuse me, Bones. I've got to make a phone call and an awful hurry. All the people to pick to give the moving job to, I can't. Hello. Hello, Mrs. Davis. This is Connie. Oh, Connie, could you call me back a little later? I'm expecting phone calls from Maude Richards, Peggy Lowell and Sally Norton about the clubhouse inaugural tonight. If I talk to you, I'm liable to get all confused. You won't get confused. I want to talk about clubhouse business, too. Well, all right, if you say so. What is it, Maude? Look, I'm calling about the moving job you gave Walter and Bones snodgrass. You've got to cancel it. But why, dear, Walter and Bones are such nice boys. They deserve to get a start in business. Of course they do. And I wouldn't ask this of you unless there was an excellent reason. I'll tell you what it is if you'll keep it a secret. Promise me you'll forget it as soon as I tell it to you. Oh, you can trust me, Sally. I think of anyone I could trust more. All right, Mrs. Davis, the reason I'm asking this favor is that Mr. Conklin and Mr. Boyman are going to be in the moving band tonight. Really, dear? Who gave the order to move them? I'm looking in at Mrs. Davis. Neither of them once had known where they are for one night. How exciting. They're hiding out. Well, trust me, to dummy a kid, I wouldn't squeal when two of the mob are keeping undercover from the bulls. Our television set has been fixed again. Then you will call Bones, Mrs. Davis. Of course I will. Can I depend on it? Just as soon as I hang up? I'll do it as soon as you hang up, Peggy. I horten. Gosh, Wala, I don't understand what happened. This dame gave me the order and now a lady she calls back and cancels it. Well, don't let it bother you. I got another order myself a little while ago. The biggest order we've had so far. Hey, that's great. Who'd you get it from? For Mrs. Conklin. I phoned her a half hour ago. And we're moving all the furniture from our old clubhouse to her new one tonight. How's that for using the old bean? Boy, I got a hand it to you, Wala. I wish I had thought of that idea. Gosh, Miss Brooks, I don't understand the rush to get over here. It's only eight o'clock. I wanted you to get comfortable before Mr. Conklin arrived. But you said he wouldn't be here till nine o'clock. That gives us an extra hour in this moving van. No, full hour. Alone. In a crowded moving van. Just the two of us. You and me. Gosh. Sit down, shall we, Mr. Boyden? Say, I just noticed. There seems to be a lot more furniture in here than earlier in the day. Extra chairs, tables, that big couch. Probably the rest of Mrs. Conway's suite. Sit down, Mr. Boyden. Maybe so, but those pictures of Washington and Jefferson weren't here earlier either. Nor this huge American flag. No, they weren't. Sit down, Mr. Boyden. What would Mrs. Conway be doing with a huge flag in her room? Maybe she likes the salute before she goes to bed. Nice and comfortable. You know, Miss Brooks, this situation would really be rather humorous if it didn't have such serious overtones. Did you ever imagine we'd sit huddled together in a crowded moving van? Just the two of us. With just a dim light bulb between us in complete darkness. You haven't got a BB gun on you, have you? Suppose we might as well do something while we're waiting for Mr. Conklin to arrive. Yes, we might as well. Mightn't we? We might as well do that. We certainly might. Now what would be something for two people to do in the semi-darkness of a gloomy movie? This isn't I'm already puckered up. Oh, I've got it, of course. Let's play Ghosts. Playing Ghosts is the only thing you can do. Good evening, Miss Brooks. Expecting you so early, Mr. Conklin. Apparently not. Mr. Boyden, what are you doing here? Miss Brooks, does Boyden know about me? Yes, sir, but you don't know about he. Him. Mr. Conklin, this is your new bunkie. My new bunkie? Yes, sir. You see, since we're both in the same boat, trying to avoid a member of the ladies' aid club for one night, Miss Brooks and I figured you wouldn't mind if I slept here with you. I'm no trouble at all during the eight hours I'm asleep. And to prove it, just watch him the sixteen hours he's away. What kind of a room made you our Boyden? Well, folks, the doors was open, so I just snodged grass. Snodged grass? What are you doing here? I think you made a mistake, Mr. Conklin. There's my brother, stretch snod grass, and me, bone snod grass, But we know there's no snod grass, snod grass. But what are you doing here, bones? Well, I might as well ask you all the same question. It's my moving van. Yes, but it's our question. Well, wall or me have got this furniture to deliver right away. So far, this deal has been nothing but a lot of anger-revation. Anger-revation? Yeah, you know, exasperation. Now, if you'll step inside, Miss Brooks, I'll pull up the ramp. What? Snod grass. Where are you taking us? All right, wall or me. Yes, sir. That's what frequently happens with the moving van. Snod grass. I insist that you tell us immediately where we're going. It'll only take a couple of minutes to deliver this furniture to your wife's lady's aid club, Mr. Conklin. And we'll have the van right back in the driveway. Oh, well, if it'll only take a couple of minutes to deliver it, I certainly won't be unreasonable about it. Particularly since we'll be using the van with the... Deliver this furniture to my wife's lady's aid club! Where to, Mrs. Conklin's lady's aid club? I vote aye, and... I don't intend to stop this van immediately. Possibly hear you, sir. All this furniture has made the interior soundproof. Yes, but Miss Brooks, in another minute, we'll be at the new clubhouse. What am I going to do? I've only got one more minute. Now, please, Miss Brooks, help me. All right, you start thinking of a speech while I look through your pockets for the $50. The only other thing I can think of is for you to hide, sir. Good, good. Very good, yes. Now, where will I hide? How about the big couch, sir? You could stretch out under the soft cushions. Yes, good idea, under the cushions. But are you certain no one will see me under them? Even if they did, it would look like nothing but more cushions. Look, can I use the couch, too? Nothing doing. You had your chance before. Behind the couch. Front and tell Walter to stay up there until I can get rid of Mrs. Conklin. Okay, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mrs. Conklin. Are you here to help us launch our new clubhouse? Just hand me a champagne bottle and stand back. That is, I felt since Walter and Bones were driving over anyway, I'd come along with you now. Oh, it's a madhouse in there, my dear. A hundred women milling around in practically no furniture. Why don't we just sit on the couch in the van and talk? Sit on the van in the couch? I mean, sit on the man in the couch. I mean, sit on the couch, Mrs. Conklin. Oh, why not? Nothing happened to it on the way over, did it? That's it. Something happened. Something dreadful happened to the couch. Really? To its legs? That's it. It acquired two more. It looks perfectly all right to me. I'm sure whatever happened won't prevent us from sitting on it. Oh, no, really, Mrs. Conklin. Don't sit there. You'd better not. When you sat down, I said you'd better get oof. Look, to prove it, I'll stand up and flop right down. That, Miss Brooks? Maybe the couch creeped. How many couches do that, you know? I... I heard it groan. Very few couches do that. But we'd really better go in. There's... there's someone under those cushions. Oh, no, there couldn't possibly be... Miss Brooks? There's a body under there? Don't be alarmed. I doubt if it's still alive. Oh, don't even try, sir. Mrs. Conklin, there is only one explanation that covers all situations like this one. One explanation? What's that, Miss Brooks? Her husband was standing on a corner, minding his own business, waiting for a moving van. After Mr. Boynton was discovered, too, I really got busy and thought up a whale of a story. I practically convinced Mrs. Conklin that both her husband and Mr. Boynton had done this merely to surprise her and help with the clubhouse inaugural. Well, I still can't quite believe it, Miss Brooks. But I know Mrs. Miller will be as delighted to see Mr. Boynton as I am to see Ozgood. Did my landlady mention me this evening, Mrs. Conklin? Well, yes she did, Mr. Boynton, but I forget what it was about. This has been such a hectic night. Oh, dear, frankly, I don't see why we moved at all when we'll only use this new clubhouse for a few hours, twice a week. You mean you only meet here twice a week? That's right. The rest of the week it's dark. It is? Well, uh, don't be surprised if you happen to be passing some night and it's not completely dark, Mrs. Conklin. Why, what do you mean, Miss Brooks? Mr. Boynton tells me he likes to read before he goes to sleep at night.