 Now, it's R. Miss Brooks starring E. Barton. Well, over the years, R. Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High, has had more than her share of difficulties with her principal, Mr. Conklin. Recently, however, their relations have improved. Yes, my uncle and aunt feel a lot better. Actually, things have been a bit smoother between Mr. Conklin and me. In fact, when I suggested the plan I had heard about to supplement our teaching with movies, Mr. Conklin gave me the money to try it out. So until last week, when the great experiment was to take place in one of my classes, everything was going splendidly and in more ways than one. Because Thursday morning, Mr. Boynton was over at my house for breakfast. My landlady was attending an early club meeting, so there were just the two of us. I could sense that Mr. Boynton felt the warm romantic implications of this domestic scene because his voice seemed choked with emotion when he said, I wonder how long Joe Paluco will be champ. I haven't quite this idea. Why don't you ask a little abner? A little abner? He's been staring at me from the other side of that newspaper for the past 10 minutes. Oh, pardon me, Miss Brooks. Reading the paper was rather rude, I guess. It's just that I feel so at home here, I didn't think you'd mind. Oh, I really don't, Mr. Boynton. That's just the way I want you to feel. Good. I haven't had this sort of breakfast since I was home with Mother. Well, uh, have you ever thought that you might enjoy a breakfast like this every day, Mr. Boynton? Of course I have, Miss Brooks, many times. But dad needs her too much for Mom to come down here. That isn't quite what I had in mind. Uh, how's your latest project at school working out, Miss Brooks? I don't know yet, Mr. Boynton. The first film, The Lady of the Lake, was shown to my English class yesterday. And you don't know how it worked out? No, I had to do something for Mr. Conklin during that hour, so I let the kids run the picture themselves. We'll know how it was received when Walter Denton picks us up in a few minutes. Well, films can be a big help to all teachers. While other schools have been showing movies in their classrooms for years, I wonder why Mr. Conklin would never allow it at Madison before. He hates popcorn. Davis is very fond of the idea, though. In fact, she's showing a film at her club's breakfast this morning. She rented it from the same place I did. Hmm, what picture did she rent? A little number called Shearing Sheep at Big Billabong, Australia. Oh? What's it about? It's about Shearing Sheep at Big Billabong, Australia. It's perfect for the ladies in Mrs. Davis' club. Shearing Sheep in Australia? Why should that be perfect for the ladies in Mrs. Davis' club? There are some pretty wooly ladies in Mrs. Davis' club. Oh, that must be Walter. Come on in. The door is open. I'm anxious to hear how your audio-visual experiment was received by the English class. If past performances mean anything, I know exactly what happened five minutes after I left the room. What? They left the room. Well, what a pleasant surprise. Greetings to my two favorite faculty members, the fairest of the fair and the brawniest of the brawny. Oh, he's got the padding in these shoulders that makes me look... You mean him. Hi, Walter. Hey, where's the effervescent Mrs. Davis this morning? She's spizzing at a ladies' club breakfast. Oh, that must be the same one mom and Mrs. Conkelner attending. Walter, we're both anxious to hear how that audio-visual experiment worked out yesterday. Yes. How was the lady of the lake received, Walter? Oh, great, Miss Brooks. Unfortunately, the sound part of the projector didn't work, but the class made up for that. Oh, you never heard such whistling in your life. Whistling? At the lady of the lake? What did she do? Come out? No, not exactly, Miss Brooks. You see, the title on the can the picture came in said the lady of the lake all right, but the picture turned out to be something called sirens of the screen past and present. What? Yeah, we put it on at two o'clock in the afternoon and every fellow in the class was late for dinner last night. But it's only a 15-minute short. I know, but we ran it 23 times. Well, you don't mean that. Yeah, and we stopped the projector for 10 minutes every time we got to Marilyn Monroe. What have you got planned for next week, Miss Brooks? A little epic called the teacher dies at dawn. Conkelner heard about this yet, Walter? Oh, I don't know, Miss Brooks. I hope he hasn't. I know what this project means to you, Miss Brooks. Mr. Boynham, even if he has heard about it, we can still get a picture of the lady of the lake. What do you mean? I may drown myself. Now, if you'll be seated, Miss Brooks, I'll come directly to the point. Yes, sir. As an experiment in audio-visual education, I gave you not only permission, but also $15 to rent a projector and film of the poem, The Lady of the Lake. Something go wrong, Mr. Conkel? Miss Brooks, when I did so, I had no idea that the Lady of the Lake would turn out to be Marilyn Monroe. Neither. After Williams would have been much more appropriate. I mean, I can explain this, Mr. Conkel. Explain? Explain this then. When you wanted this film, you told me it was Sir Walter Scott's poem presented against a background of Scottish sea. The only Scotch in that entire picture was in a glass in Peter Barra's hand. Oh, then you run the picture, Mr. Conkelman. Five times, Miss Brooks. That is, I ran it through a few times to convince myself that what I was seeing was true. Sirens at the screen indeed. I've already heard from Mr. Stone this morning and he was curious. It seems that five parents have already complained to him about it. He blames the whole thing on me. But why you, sir? It was my idea. I know, but I took credit for it. Conkelman, this is a mistake on the part of the company. Institutional pictures. It probably won't happen again in another 10 years. We're all entitled to one mistake, aren't we? Sometimes, when I think of you, Miss Brooks, that is the only thing that keeps me going. But I told Mr. Stone it was all a mistake and I also told him we had another film in case he wanted to reassure himself on the subject matter of the pictures we're showing. But, sir, we haven't another picture and, including the projector, they cost $15 to rent. That is your problem, Miss Brooks. You got us into this thing and you are going to get us out of it. In any event, Mr. Stone said he wouldn't bother to come over unless there are further complaints. However, if there are, he said heads would roll. I was good, Conkelman, principle speaking. Who? Yes, she's right here now. It's for you, Miss Brooks. For me, sir? Hello? Hello, Connie. This is Mrs. Davis. Oh, hello, Mrs. Davis. I just called City's Club Breakfast. I see. Well, how did cheering sheep at Big Billabong turn out? All those scenes in the nightclub were true. Nightclub? Yes, and the ones in the showgirl's dressing room were even more sensational. Well, where were the sheep? Hey, Mrs. Davis. Oh, she... Not at all, Mrs. Davis. My tongue always sticks to the roof of my mouth in the morning. I'll speak to you later. Goodbye. Goodbye, dear. What was that all about, Miss Brooks? Mr. Conkelman, did Mr. Stone really say heads would roll if there was another complaint? That's exactly what he said, Miss Brooks. What about it? Nothing, sir. Only I wonder how we'll both look when we're ten inches shorter. I told Mr. Boynton about my predicament in the school cafeteria at lunchtime. Let's see if I've got it straight, Miss Brooks. You must have another film here to show Mr. Stone when he arrives this afternoon, or the entire project goes right out the window. Followed swiftly by me. And the cost of renting a new film and projector is $15, which I've got to get somewhere. Isn't Mr. Conkelman giving you anything? Yes, two hours in which to dig it up. Well, you can count on me for part of the $15. Oh, really, Mr. Boynton? What part? $2.35. Oh, here's the $.35 now. Well, thanks, Mr. Boynton, but where's the $2? Oh, just a second till I take off my shoe. You mean you've got $2 in your shoe? No, I've only got $1 in my shoe. Where's the other dollar? In my hatband. You make a nervous wreck out of a holdup, man. But I do appreciate her. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mr. Boynton. Oh, hello, Harriet. I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I... Mr. Boynton, what are you doing with your shoe off? He's just airing out his money. What is it, Harriet? Well, first, Daddy asked me to tell you to be sure to be in his office with the new film by $3.30, because that's what Mr. Stone's due to arrive. And secondly, knowing the position you're in, I went around to all the girls and took up a collection for you. I'm beginning to feel like a charity case. Remember the old proverb, Miss Brooks, pride goeth before a fall. Bad I knoweth. And at this point, I'm not going to turn down anything. I knew you needed $15, so I canvassed about 30 girls, Miss Brooks. I told them to cough up as much as they could. How much did you collect? 80 cents. That's not much of a cough. Well, I've also got a dollar of my own I want to lend you. Oh, no, really, Harriet. I wouldn't dream of taking it. Oh, but, Miss Brooks... Well, all right, dear, if you insist. Where is the dollar? I'll give it to you as soon as I go down to my locker after lunch. The dollar's in your locker? Not exactly, Miss Brooks, but that's the only place I can remove the stocking I'm wearing over it. The wallet industry depended on this school as it go broke. Well, thanks a lot, Harriet. Well, here's the money, Miss Brooks. I did the very best I could. I knew all the precincts hadn't been heard from. Would you take up a collection, too, Walter? Oh, yes, sir. I went around to all the fellas in your English-lit class, Miss Brooks, and I told them you needed 15 ironmen for a new film, and since they'd all seen sirens at the screen, this was one little way of expressing their gratitude. Oh, and how much did you collect? 65 cents. It's done a bigger business with Lady of the Lake. Oh, but that's not all. I want to lend you a dollar of my own, which I've kept for just such an emergency. Thanks, Walter. Where is it? Well, you know that good luck charm I wear around my neck with my mother's picture in it? Yes. Oh, that's not my mother. It's George Washington. I said there was more to you people than meets the eye. Now, let's see. Mr. Boyden has $2.35 for me. Harriet, $180, and Walter, $1.65. That comes to approximately $6. Then I've got another couple of dollars of my own. Well, I didn't think you had any money, Miss Brooks. Where did you get $2? Remember when I went to the dentist last week? Yes. Well, I stashed $2 away in the temporary filling. Well, I'm dreadfully sorry, Miss Brooks, but institutional pictures can't accept $8 on a projector and film which rents for $15. But, Mr. Gibson, it was your mistake in the first place. You sent a sirens of the screen past and present when I'd ordered the Lady of the Lake from your salesman. I think his name was Blake. Oh, yes. We've had nothing but trouble with that man. Our manager wouldn't raise his salary, so out of sheer spite, he switched any number of films on us before he quit. I'd like to help you, but we have a strict 24-hour ruling and you've had your film for several days. You'll just have to tell your organization. What is it, by the way? A ladies' club, social service group, union? I teach at Madison High School. What? Well, our biggest rental is to schools. You showed sirens of the screen to a high school class? With a 10-minute stopover at Marilyn Monroe. Looks like a very fair-minded person. I'll tell you what I'll do. You keep the $8 now that you have the new film and projector for nothing. Well... I'll make it four films for nothing. Well... Forget about the rentals entirely. I'll give you a year's supply of films free if you'll get your school to forget this incident. Well... And I'll throw him $10 for yourself. Well... Ms. Brooks, aren't you going to answer me? I'm doing good enough with the well. Mr. Gibson, just give me a good film to show the head of our school board when he comes to Madison this afternoon and we'll call it Square. Oh, you're the salt of the earth. I have just the thing for the occasion. The board of education at work. Don't you think it's perfect? I suppose so, if you like fantasy. Mr. Gibson agreed to rectify his mistake and give me a new film to show Mr. Stone. It seemed that my troubles were just about over. At three that afternoon, we were getting everything ready in Mr. Conklin's office. Well, the projector's all set up, Ms. Brooks. All we have to do when Mr. Conklin and Mr. Stone get here is turn the switch and run the film. Yeah, this office ought to be a perfect projection room. You see, the way I've fixed the shades, no light can get in through the windows at all. Oh, you've done a beautiful job, Walter. There's only one thing that bothers me. The sound on this projector doesn't work. With Mr. Conklin in the room, nobody will notice the difference. We've still got a few minutes before Daddy gets here. Why don't we run the film through once for the four of us? Good idea, Harriet. Let's sit down. Yeah, but there are only two chairs in this room. Where are the four of us going to sit? We can worry about that when the lights are out. What are you talking about? What Walter means is that he and Harriet can share the big comfortable chair that Mr. Conklin keeps for visitors. But what about the two of us? We can divide this narrow one. And don't look so panicky. We can either show the film or just turn out the lights and wait until Mr. Conklin and Mr. Stone get here. Just turn out the lights? What good will that do? I'll answer your question. Maybe we'd better run the film. I was afraid you'd see it that way. All right, Walter. Turn off the desk light and let's get started. Yes, ma'am. There we are. Gosh, I can't see a thing. Where are you, Miss Brooks? Are you seated yet? After you, Mr. Barton. That is, I'll sit on the edge of the chair nearest the projector switch. Now, are we all set, Walter? Walter? Now, what a magnificent view of the rock of Gibraltar. I feel as if I could reach out and touch it. You're staring at my chin, Miss Brooks. You're leaning rather close to me. How nice of you to notice. Well, we've missed the title, but we know it's about the Board of Education that work. Well, look at that sign with the side of the road. It says you are now entering Las Vegas, Nevada. It's probably all about the Las Vegas Board of Education. I hope you're right. Of course I am. There they are now, all working around the table. Mr. Boynton, this is a picture about gambling. There's been another terrible mistake. Turn off the projector at once, Miss Brooks. Well, I'm trying to. The switch is stuck. Pull the plug out of the wall. I don't know where the wall plug is with the lights off. Walter, turn on the desk lamp so Mr. Boynton can find the plug. Walter. Walter, do you hear me? Big help. Do you have to find it in the dark, Mr. Boynton? Well, I'll try. Good. You've found it. What on earth is going on in here? Mr. Conklin. Oh, adjust the moment, sir. I'll turn on the lights. No, no. Never mind the lights, Miss Brooks. Since you've apparently started your new film, The Board of Education at Work, I'd like to have a look at it before Mr. Stone gets here. Oh, here. Sit in my chair, sir. Where will you sit? I'll stand in front of the screen. It isn't a very good picture, Mr. Conklin. Stop, stop babbling, please. I'll just settle myself in this comfortable chair on the other side of the projector. Here we are. Something speared me. Harriet, what are you talking about? I doubt if I can hold up both of you. He's between the devil and the deep blue sea. Well, turn on those wall lights, Boynton. Yes, sir. Harriet, I want you and Denton to leave this room at once. Through my inner office, please. And I'll speak to you both later. Very well, Daddy. Mr. Conklin, appearances are very often deceiving. And I want you to know that Harriet was in no way responsible for what happened. I'll take the full blame, sir. It was all my fault. And I insist that you let me accept the entire responsibility for this whole... The stone ought to be here any minute now, and we can get rolling again. At least our heads can. Mr. Conklin, I... Oh, everybody, come in. Well, good afternoon, Mr. Stone. Good afternoon, Osgood. Hello, Mr. Boynton, Ms. Brooks. Hello, Mr. Stone. Want to go for a nice walk? A walk? I came over here to see a movie. That's what I mean. Let's walk over and see a movie. The Bijou has a fine Marlon Brando picture. Ms. Brooks, what are you jabbering about? Now, turn off the lights, Boynton, and I'll put the plug back in the wall here. If you say so, Mr. Conklin. Ah, there you are, Mr. Stone. What a scene. The members of the Board of Education gathered round a table rolling dice. Now, it's certainly a far cry from the reports you heard about the picture yesterday with the shocking exhibition of movie queens and... and... Ms. Brooks. Why are the members of the Board rolling dice? The light-jag dealers are on strike. Pull that plug. I'm turning these lights off. So all my suspicions were true, Ozgood. Your moral laxity is undermining this entire institution. Oh, pardon this interruption, Ms. Brooks, but there's been another mistake. Now he tells me. Who is this man? Mr. Gibson, the man who rented us the film. I'll do anything to rectify my mistake, Ms. Brooks, while I'll even... Oh, hello, Mr. Stone. Oh, you know Mr. Stone? He's evidently mistaking me for somebody else. Oh, no, sir. Do you remember when that friend of yours got married last month? You rented two films from me for a smoker you gave him? What? I remember it distinctly because one of the pictures caused all the hubbub today. Sirens of the screen, past and present. Oh, is that so? Well, for your information, when I flashed it on the screen that night, it turned out to be the Lady of the Lake. So, Mr. Stone, you are going to call my moral laxity to the attention of the Board of Education. Oh, you don't really think I meant that? Do you always good? Not on your tin time, my boy. If anything, it's Mr. Gibson who should be brought before the Board. Oh, that would be a waste of time, Mr. Stone. A waste of time? The way Mr. Gibson operates, by the time he got there, he'd turn out to be Zha-Zha Gabor. And now here's our star, Eve Arden. That film mix-up really has got me into hot water. On this book, sorry, Eve Arden's Turn's Drive was produced and directed by Larry Burns, written by our roles, Virgin Al Lewis, with the music of Lud Bluskin. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan, Joseph Kearns, and Joel Samuel. Station, Eve Arden in the role of Madison High School's favorite English teacher, Miss Brooks, will again call the student body together. Don't you be absent. Our Miss Brooks is presented each week with the worldwide facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service. This is the American Forces Network, Europe.