 breaking the man code, why he's emotionally unavailable or can't commit. Today we are gonna break the code. This is gonna be some complicated stuff. You may wanna take notes. So please bear with me because I think you're gonna find this incredibly valuable. So really quickly, I use the word code because I was actually thinking about my son who is currently learning how to be a coder. In other words, he's learning programming, he's learning coding. And just like in the creation of code, we all, all of us human beings have a code associated to us. Now, many of you are familiar with DNA coding and that sort of thing, but I'm gonna dive into this in a much deeper level and how this relates to how a man could be emotionally unavailable, how a man might not be able to commit in a relationship. And I think you're gonna find this very valuable. Okay, so I wanna be candid with everyone. Recently I did a guided psilocybin journey and it took me to a place I can't even begin to describe. So when I share what I'm about to share with you today, I literally went back in time. And so bear with me for a second. So when we think of writing code, like my son shared with me, I was watching it. There's line after line after line after line after line of code, X's and O's, exclamation points, all this kind of stuff in creating code for whether or not you're gonna create a website, whether you're gonna create a video game. And the more complicated the project, the more code that is written and we human beings are no different. We have so much coding within us. Coating, okay, I said coding, but I wanna think about coding, C-O-A-T-I-N-G, because we have so many layers associated with us just like peeling an onion. And today we're going to peel the onion into this code. Okay, so many of you've heard me poo poo, masculine and feminine energy. And part of the reason is because I'm what I'm about to share. So for those that have feel offended by it, I think if you bear with me, you might understand why I do that. So let's start with our coding. You know, it's interesting. I was watching a podcast differentiating between ancestral mating practices versus our current dating environment. So let's go backward in time, six million years, six million years ago, when we were practically apes and that sort of thing. Now, from what I understand, Neanderthals are about 200,000 years ago, but let's go back in time. And this is what happened in my psilocybin journey. I literally through my DNA, I went through every past experience of how I got to where I'm at today. I want you to think about this for a second. You have your mother and father. You have your grandmother and grandfather on each of your sides. They have parents on each of their sides. They have grandmother and grandfathers on each of their sides. And if we just go back in time, we, you know, think of where we evolved. And when we were ape-like, we operated based on instinct, much of what our DNA programming was based on instinct. This is where you get the terminology provider, protector, hunter, gatherer. We didn't have communication skills to the extent that we have today. We operated on instinct, okay? And then once we began developing connections with other animals, we formed tribes with these other animals. We formed tribes. But again, there was no real communication to the extent that we have today. So we operated based on instinct and mating back then was actually something rather violent. And when I mean by violent, there was just basically a lot of promiscuity, sexuality, making babies, babies dying. And the perpetuation of the species kept evolving based on this model of just procreation. And again, I know you've heard it over and over. Men are provider protectors. But we have to, and women are nurturing gatherers, but there's so much more to this than just that base instinct. And so when we started to form tribes, what ended up happening is tribes would rival against other tribes. Now, why is this so important to understand for dating, mating, and relating, and understanding the code of a person? Because this is the code that has been passed down to us generation, generation, generation, generation. And in many cases, many of us have been, depending on where our ancestral tribe was, because of war and survival, we experienced generational trauma, ancestral trauma through this upbringing of who we are today, our DNA of who we are today. So I wanna paint a picture for those of you in the United States. I want you to think back to early 1900, New York, okay? We're gonna talk about dating in early 1900, New York. Do you know that there was basically certain sectors where it was the Italian group, the Irish group, the different factions of people, all kind of congregated in a certain area. And they mated within that area group. What I mean by mated, they basically were, wasn't to the same extent that we have this glorified falling in love and soulmates and sort of things. Back then, we basically mated within the tribe we lived in. And I want you to think back, that goes for millions of years, we mated within our tribe. And within our tribe, there was a level of socialization that happened within our tribe. And so this plays all a part to where we're at today. All of this code that is being written for who we are today is based on all of these experiences through our DNA. You know, it's interesting. I grew up in the 60s and 70s. My parents are from another country, okay? From Turkey, actually. Both my parents are from Istanbul, Turkey. And I knew growing up here, actually, I literally live a mile from the home I grew up in, two miles from the home I grew up in. And I was the only, it felt like I was the only foreign kid. I remember Japanese people that Mike and Kevin lived across the street from me. Two brothers, I had a brother and a sister. And I knew that we were different than everyone else because most everyone else was a wasp. This started to play into my conditioning. I want you to think back to grade school, to middle school, all of the conditioning that happened for you that makes up your personality today. And I grew up very awkward in that period of time. And it was very challenging. I withdrew, I was afraid, I didn't feel liked. And I'm sure many of you felt this exact same way growing up. And not to mention the imprinting of what happened in my childhood from my parents. Witnessing my parents are imprinting plays a huge role. If you follow my channel, you're quite familiar with two books I always talk about. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks, Helen Hunt. The books I recommend are listed below. Why am I talking about this? Because this plays a role into who we are, our imprinting, our, how we observed our parents is all part of this code that I'm talking about. And many of us have experienced childhood wounds in our upbringing. And I don't mean childhood wounds is severe trauma, although some people have had some really horrific things happen to me. Sometimes a childhood wound could simply be your mother left you at the grocery store alone and you were scared for three minutes. But that three minutes felt like a lifetime in an imprinted on who you are today. How your parents cared for you, imprinted on who you are today. And this reflects the choices we make and how we show up in relationship. And this is why a lot of people can show up emotionally unavailable, can't commit, constipated, if you will, because all of this plays into the code. And then we have our socialization. I said this earlier, but many of us were raised with this blueprint of go to college, get a job, meet somebody, get married, buy a house, start a family. And for many of us in midlife, we've experienced failures. Now, when I say the forward failures, I really wanna replace the word with lessons because for some people our unhappy experiences are lessons to where we are at today. And the question is, have we grown from our lessons? And so all of this code, as I started in this conversation, all of this code that is being written for us has been written, well, is it for us has just been written in our lives reflects who we are today, just like our thumb, our fingerprint, our thumbprint, every one of us is unique. See, we have these grand expectations that men are supposed to be provider protectors because that's our influence from instinctually, but there's so much more to this code of who we are. In fact, I wanna share this with you, it's the 11 ways to get inside a man's head. And I'm just gonna put this up here to discuss. But as I just started this conversation, first we have our instinct based on our gender. We do have that, that is just part of our DNA. Then there's our biology, many women biologically are different. You know, our pheromones, our hormones, our testosterone, our estrogen, there is differences from a biological perspective for males and females. And that's not gender identity, I'm just talking about the biology of someone. Then as I said earlier, our socialization based on our gender. We've been socialized boys and girls and quite frankly, there's been a lot of trauma for boys and girls. I know I experienced a ton of trauma growing up based on being a boy. And I know women, see, it's funny. Men are socialized to stuff our emotions, stuff our feelings. Violence equals success. I want you to think about the football field. You know, when you tackle someone, that equals success. You know, another thing, I'm gonna go off on a tangent here on football, for example, but you know, it's interesting even in a young age, football promotes dishonesty. You know, like you were inside the line or you were outside the line, you caught the ball but you act like you were inside the line. To some degree, we've been socialized even to some degree with dishonesty. You foul someone in a basketball game and you pretend like it didn't happen. You know, integrity isn't really part of our upbringing as much as you think it is. We're actually, you know, we're socialized in very unhealthy ways as boys and girls. And by the way, for girls, you know, where they're socialized in, beauty equals success. All the little girl beauty pageant. You know, women have been socialized with such objectification of who they are. For those of us that grew up in midlife in particular, I know that's changing for the current demographic, but certainly for us growing up, we've experienced a lot of trauma growing up based on our gender. And as I said before, our imprinting from our parents, our love attachment style, this all plays into the code of who we are. And now we have to add the age and life experience for a person that's, you know, like, listen, folks, you know, my dating advice or relationship advice isn't geared to a 20 and 30 year old demographic, although they can surely benefit from what I have to say. But for those in our 40s, 50s and 60s and even 70s, you know, you know, divorce plays a role in this job loss, kids, baggage, all plays into the code of who we are and why someone might show up emotionally unavailable or unable to commit, whether it is a man or a woman. And the thing is we have to recognize this and then our culture and our religion plays a part in all of this. And as I said before, we have ancestral trauma based on our tribes growing up and this all plays into the coding, the DNA of who we are. And let's not forget someone's socioeconomic status or their education. That plays a role in our coding. Someone's education, higher education versus struggling with education. Sadly, my son, who's pictured right there, the one who passed away, Connor, he had a learning disability. He struggled, he had dyslexia of some sort. We spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars trying to help him. And I know that affected him emotionally, deeply into who he is as a person. And certainly, as I said before, our socioeconomic status that we're at, whether we grew up rich, we grew up poor, how that affects us as adults. And then our physical appearance plays a role in all this. You know, not just our physical appearance but also our physical health and our appearance plays a role in all of this decision-making. And so we have to factor in all of this code to understand a person. And then the question becomes, it's no wonder men and women are emotionally unavailable and can't commit. If their code has glitches in it, if their code has glitches, my son was writing a program for a game he created and it wasn't operating properly. And he had to go back to each line of the code to find where the glitch was. And this is what's known as introspective work. Being introspective, looking inside, doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work is where my book was birthed. What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. The idea is to heal, to begin a healing practice of healing all of this code that's out of glitch, not out of glitch, that has glitches because it's the glitches that makes a person emotionally unavailable, can't commit a poor data, ghosting, disappearing, poor communication skills. We human beings are not very emotionally evolved with respects to our relationship skills and no wonder it is an absolute minefield out there in the dating realm. This requires what I've habitually talked about in my coaching practice, what I talk about in my videos incessantly is practicing what I call radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement. In fact, right here there's a link to the discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you under jonathanasley.com forward slash coaching. What I teach is the fact is is dating is the art of interrogation. I'm sorry, I'm gonna say this. Dating is a fact-finding mission. It's learning how to decipher the code. That's what dating is, is like, okay, so there's this person that has all this code and we must decipher this code to see if it matches with our own code. And yet we do such a poor job in all of these areas of understanding. So when you're listening advice out there from the manosphere, from the red pill, they're just hyper-focusing on that first baseline code of who we are. That yes, it's based on cave people days. But you know what, we've evolved from cave people days. Do you know cave people days, there was just a lot of promiscuity. There was just a lot of unconsensual sex for millions of years. It's no wonder men are out there designed to spread our seed. But since we've been socialized from some level of morality, meaning our integrity, that's another line of code that's been hopefully introduced into someone's life. We actually can temper those instinctual, those biological needs and operate as a different human being. And I'm here to bring this to your attention because I get it, you getting a lot of dating advice out there. You just sit back in your feminine energy and let the man take the lead. Do you understand most men's code, most women's code is riddled with dysfunctionality if you've ever seen my chart, emotional maturity, relationship skills. This is not a fact merely an opinion. There's a lot of code out there that's really, really broken and needs some serious fixing. And while I say there's some good code out there called a healthy, I'm being rather generous. Most code has glitches. It's dysfunctional to some degree in their emotional maturity and relationship skills because this hasn't been written into our coding. It hasn't been written into our DNA yet. And so I'm here to promote, look at folks, I'm not here to promote you that you are going to find your life mate. I mean, when I say I'm not gonna promote that, of course I'm promoting that, but I am not guaranteeing you're gonna find a life mate. It's just impossible to guarantee that. What I'm here to encourage is rewriting your own code to find the glitches in your code to heal those childhood wounds and adult traumas so that it's easier someone to recognize your code and hopefully you meet somebody who's also done the work on rewriting their own code to fix those glitches because we all have those glitches. And I'm here to say when the work gets done, you start becoming more of a magnetic attractor to somebody's code who matches yours because from going back millions of years, it was our DNA that brought us together. And I'm here to say doing personal development, self-help, spiritual work, doing that self-love work is helping fix all the glitches in your code so you don't have to be emotionally unavailable or can't commit because let me just tell you something, even though the title says why he's emotionally unavailable or can't commit, you women are just in the same boat. It's not singular to men. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video to this point, post a comment below. I do my best to read them all within the first 24 hours. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button right now. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if you wanna connect with me, hey, there's links in the show notes. Schedule a discovery call with me. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram, get my dating vows, get the books I recommend all listed below, okay? All right, since this is a live video, if you have questions for me, write the word question and then post the question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away as I shared before he had a learning disability. And his honor we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and scholarships to coaching. And if you're brave enough, you can even join the hot seat. There's a link in the chat box right now to join the hot seat and talk to me right now. All right, I wanna come back while I'm waiting for questions. And again, if you have a question, write the word question. As I'm waiting for questions, I wanna come back to the psilocybin journey, a guided journey I did. I literally went back in time to when I was, I'm gonna say, I don't think I went back millions of years ago, but I did briefly go back to wherever we began, as beings, wherever we began, where we apes, I don't know. As I was sharing in this video, I went back in time and I actually found myself, I wanna say, in Neanderthal period of time, and I was out alone and I could hear a neighboring, I was by myself and I could hear a neighboring tribe talking by a campfire. And I was feeling this experience of feeling so alone, feeling so alone, because I wasn't part of that tribe. I'm gonna tell you something. I think one of the challenges we all face today in midlife is this feeling of being alone. And I remember sleeping on the ground all by myself, all alone, wanting just some company, wanting someone to connect with. And I think one of the reasons why our dating process is so dysfunctional is because so many human beings just want companionship, they want connection, they want physical intimacy. And yet they're hurting so much on the inside because their code, as I said before, has glitches in it and it makes it very difficult for them to commit. And I was just thinking about how we struggle in the dating marketplace today, because well, I believe most people are good people. I do believe, I genuinely believe most people are good people. I just think their code has glitches in them and that doesn't make them bad people. It's just, you have to understand, we are dealing with millions of years of DNA that's been passed down, millions of years of ancestral trauma, okay? Or millions of years of trauma growing up and then there's ancestral trauma when we were fighting one another for the most part. We're in unique times today where it's relatively peaceful and yet in other parts of the world, that's not the case. Here in the United States, we really have to be grateful for the fact that we live in peacetime and we get the privilege. We get the privilege. This is a privilege watching this video right now. This is a privilege that I get to share my thoughts and my opinions with everyone. And why this relates in the dating marketplace is because one thing I see so poorly is a sense of gratitude. It's so critical. I mean, how judgmental human beings can be. He didn't pay for my coffee. He didn't do this. She didn't do that on the date. We are so critical. We are so radically critical of everybody. It's no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there. We're so radically critical. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Sunshine says, Jonathan, Princess Diana's brother, Edward just wrote a book. He's speaking about abuse in boarding school. He realized in the Hoffman process. Wow, folks, I am a big proponent of the Hoffman process. If you can't afford to do it live, I recommend getting the book. This will take you hundreds of hours to complete. Probably not reading the book per se, but to do the work in the book. And yet this can make such a difference. And just like Princess Diana's brother, he realized the abuse he experienced in boarding school. As I shared in the beginning of this broadcast, I don't know about you, but I know growing up, I was bullied, I was so bullied as a kid. I felt so alone. My dad couldn't be there for me. I had a younger brother. My sister had already moved out. I remember being so bullied as a kid. Do you have any idea what that does to someone's psyche, how that code affects me, who I am today? And yet the fact that I am vulnerable, authentic and transparent in my videos, do you know what, I'm actually considered a feminine, which actually feels like an insult. I'm considered a simp by people. Do you know how that affects me as an adult to hear that? Just because I'm willing to share at a baseline level, and yet I'm judged and criticized. And I've had women say that to me, Jonathan, you're too feminine for me. Just because I'm capable of expressing my emotions, I can be vulnerable, authentic and transparent because we've been so socialized that men, it's fascinating ladies. Do you know what is it about? Ask yourself, why am I attracted to jerks? How many of you have experienced that? How many of you have been attracted to bad boys? Where do you think that comes from? This comes from our imprinting, our socialization, our upbringing, our beliefs about ourselves. I can go off on tangents, but I just noticed we have another question here. Question from Mums and Sons. Hi, Jonathan. I was seeing a guy for a few months, but he started to ignore me. In fact, sometimes he'd get back to me the next day, but disagreed, anything I sent him, why he says he's interested in them. You know, today we, here's the thing. The minute we have a live body on the hook, you know, from this device, the minute we have a live body on the hook from this device, I think we feel like we have a connection. As I said earlier in this broadcast, people are thirsty for companionship, connection and sex, but their code to be emotionally available, their code to be able to commit might have glitches in it. Because the two of you have not built that bond of safety with one another. Remember I was sharing before I was sleeping alone and I could hear that neighboring tribe. I didn't feel safe to go over to that tribe and just say, can I just sit by your fire pit? Can I connect with you guys? We're so afraid because of all the code that's been written for us. And by the time we get to midlife, we are so riddled with so many code, code glitches, it's no wonder we human beings are rather dysfunctional. So mums and son, I hope that answers your question. My lounge says, people don't like vulnerable people. They think we are weak. Yeah, I'm constantly being judged by those in the man's fear of the red pill community. This guy's a simp. He's a weakling. He's a feminine. Cause these men are stuffing their emotions. And by the way, do you know what stuffing emotions does? It causes health issues. It causes all kinds of mental issues when we stuff our feelings. By the way, if you wanna join the hot seat, I just put a link. I'd love to have a conversation about what we just talked about. Trista's in the house. Do you agree? I've heard women aren't meant to carry men's insecurities, weaknesses and vulnerabilities. And what women really want to know is how he feels about her and how she makes them feel. Okay, great question. It is nobody's responsibility for someone else to carry your insecurities, weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Okay, it's no one else's responsibility to carry that, okay? However, in a healthy relationship, oh, and if you're riddled with insecurities and weaknesses, then it's a good opportunity to shore that up before you're in a relationship with someone. That's not to say we all don't have insecurities and weaknesses and there's gonna be times where we fall down and being with a partner the reason why we partner with someone is if I fall down, you help me up. If you fall down, I help you up and it's okay to be vulnerable as a man. It's okay to have an insecurity. Now that might trigger that ancestral wound for her. And she might need to do some work in that area. Otherwise, she's going to, I get she's gonna lose attraction for that man but trust me, if he doesn't have an outlet for his insecurity, guess what's gonna happen? He'll die 20 years earlier in this dynamic because he's stuffing his emotions, he's stuffing his feelings and she'll still be single. So I invite her to work on her area where she might feel like he's less than and he can certainly work on his insecurities, fears and weaknesses through a therapist as well. But we need to be able to share that with our partner. At least that's my opinion anyway. Hey, Sunshine just gave us a $50 super sticker. Well, our goal today is gonna be $100. So we're halfway there. Thank you so much for that love. That's very, very sweet. Revolve says, I've always been attracted to men with feminine mannerisms. Okay, so feminine mannerisms might be, some people think I talk with my hands, that's a feminine mannerism. You know, we all have what we're attracted to. So I appreciate that you're attracted to that. I'm certainly attracted to a woman's femininity, but I'm also attracted to a woman's strength. I think the healthy relationships, I think the healthy relationships we operate from a good perspective of healthy, what's traditionally known as masculine or feminine essences, I think it's good to have a good balance between that, that's just my opinion anyway. Hey, Sunshine just said, love to you Jonathan, feel the love today. I'm embracing that $50 super sticker of love. Thank you so much. Debra says, Jonathan, you're the first sensitive man I've ever come across. Seth is the second, I'm in America for five weeks today. So really quickly everybody, Debra is someone who lives, I believe it's in Bobway. She met a man in the United States. He came out to visit her. Now she's out visiting him as she just stated. So let's see, maybe she'll keep us abreast of this relationship. It's rare that these long distance dynamics from another country works out, but I'm hopeful in her case. And by the way, folks, a broken clock is right twice a day. In fact, isn't that kind of what this is all about? The reality is we're not compatible with most people. Some people get lucky. Those who do the work have a greater chance for success. And that's where my coaching comes into. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Hey, again, I'd love it if anyone would join the hot seat today. Let's see what other questions we have in the box today. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Marlounge says, I went to a party yesterday. It took everything I had to put myself out there. I was the oldest person there. No one gave any interest in me. I felt alone. It just solidified of how alone I am. Okay, this is a perfect example of a genuine feeling. I've gone to parties where I was the only person there. I don't like going to parties by myself because believe it or not, I'm rather shy. I know many of you are probably shocked to hear that, but I'm a rather shy person. I like to be invited into the conversation. I've known my human design is I'm a projector if anyone's familiar with human design. And so I like to be invited in the conversation. I struggle going out by myself doing things. Okay, so anyway, I just thought I'd share that. Can anyone relate to that? Please let me know. Sabrina's in the house. Question, hi, Jonathan. I'm in a long distance relationship. We travel to each other. I just saw him two weeks ago. We have an online group of single people. That's where we met. Oh, so, and so she goes on to say, this group of friends are very close to us, but we haven't been in the group for a month and it's been great. Last night he wanted to go live and talk to the world and the group. And I just got so, oh, tell me what you're gonna say. I got so blank. I'll just wait for you to come back. As you're ready to share that next piece and you're the chat box, I'm just gonna say Irene says, Italian men talk with their hands loudly. I grew up around them in Long Island. Some people don't like the way I yell and I scream in my videos where I rant. It's just, I'm passionate at all. Okay, so Sabrina wants to finish up and say, so triggered when he said, I'm going live on TikTok group and aren't going, are you gonna come? I don't know why the group triggers me. I don't want to say he can't have lady friends. That's not fair. I can't help with my emotional outburst. Okay, he's most likely triggering that territorial protective side of you. Back, let's go back to what I shared in this video. We go back ancestrarily. We go back to our roots. We go back to Neanderthals. We go back to cave people. Okay, the minute we mated with someone, we became very territorial because the, so this person that's going back into the group chat and I have a belief of why he's doing it and I'll share it with you, Sabrina, but he's going back to the group chat triggers you, which is totally understandable. Now let me tell you why I think he's going back to the group chat because the two of you are not physically together because you're in a long, wait, it is a long distance dynamic, right? Yeah, that he needs to fill that void when you're not there and that chat room fills that void. It's folks, when we are doing long distance, it puts so much strain on incessant communication to keep the relationship alive. It takes so much incessant communication to keep that relationship alive. And so he's going out to get other forms of connection, just like if you were in a relationship with someone you lived with, it's good to go out with your friends. It's good to go out, men need to go out golfing with their friends. You need to go out with your lady friends and go shopping or whatever you do. Needle point groups, I don't know what you do with your friends. Maybe you go play pickle ball with your friends, but we need to have friends. We need to have socialization. The problem is Sabrina, your long distance relationship puts so much pressure on constant communication to feel safe. And so you're experiencing that. So the question I have for you is how are you gonna take this long distance and shorten it? What is your game plan? Why are you investing in this relationship? Start to have those deeper questions. And by the way, Sabrina, I think it's important to share your feelings. If this is a genuine relationship, you can share your feelings. But Jonathan, this duct tape, duct tape is the fear of speaking your truth because you might fear he'll end the relationship. But the minute you speak your, by the way, in my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? There's a chapter, chapter nine. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book, chapter nine. If it's sincere and from the heart, Sabrina, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Speak your truth to him. And I don't think he's bored. I just think it's just he wants connection and he appreciates the connection with you, but it's too much pressure. The two of you most likely haven't established the deep roots of trust. And without those deep roots of trust, your relationship is hanging on a thin thread. That's why long distance dynamics are risky because there's not regular interaction to build those deep roots of trust. Anyways, that's my two cents on that, Sabrina. I hope that helps. Sabrina goes and says, thank you, Jonathan. This is true. I'm trying to make a game plan and he's interested in moving to me, okay? It's very rare, but I wish you all the best with that. By the way, who wants to join the hot seat? Click that link. I'd love it. Sunshine wants to say, we love the ranch, Jonathan. There's no one better to rant than a Leo. They make you laugh while you realize truth, nothing better. This particular broadcast that I'm talking about, breaking the man code, the code of who we are, folks, by the way, if you understand anything about coding, computer coding, it's line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line of that, we all have code and many of us have glitches in our code. This is what makes us emotionally unavailable or unable to commit. It doesn't make us bad human beings and introspective work, personal development, self-help and spiritual work is to help fix the glitches in the code. By the way, does anyone resonate with what I just said? I wish this part of the broadcast, this fixing the glitches in our code, please share this with other people. Please tell other people about what I just shared. This will help immensely to understand why people are emotionally constipated, why they're emotionally unavailable, why they get triggered, because of all of this ancestral K people, imprinting, socialization, all of this plays a factor. Hey, someone from our Facebook group says, by the way, there's a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis, check out the link below to Midlife Love Mastery. I struggle with doing social things alone, looking for meetups to get out socially in the new city. There's an app for those who don't know about it. It's just more fun to do more activities with others than alone. I get it. I struggle doing meetup groups. I struggle going by myself to an event. Some people are great at that. They can do those things. I struggle with it and it's hard for me. I'm just owning. It doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me a human being. That's all. Live your best life over 50 says, love your video today. Thanks for showing us that men can be vulnerable. You're very welcome. You're very welcome. Trista says, has been the same relationship seem to attract the same type as well. So it's interesting. It's interesting. Many of you know I was in a significant relationship that ended and I gave my heart to this relationship and I'd be lying if I didn't say it hurts or it hurt the ending of a relationship. It doesn't hurt now, but I recognize I revisit the relationship but most of the time just from a place of gratitude. I'm so grateful that she came into my life and helped me in so many different ways. I think I'm sad that it couldn't go the distance. I recognize we weren't a good fit for each other from a long person perspective and a lot of this has to do with our ancestral stuff. I think her being from Columbia, me being Turkish, I think there was a lot of imprinting that played a part in this dynamic of differences. And I think ultimately when she recognized she wanted to go back to her tribe so to speak, I wasn't the right tribe for her and that's okay. It's okay, hard pill to swallow and yet it's okay and I'm immensely grateful that she was in my life. And so if I haven't said that before, which I know I have, I'm just sharing it again. By the way, I'm just pontificating while I wait for questions to pop up in the group. Christina says we broke up because he started disappearing. He still texts me, yesterday we had a hot talk and tonight he said he's not ready for a relationship right now but he can have some fun here and there. She says, she goes on to say I hate this dynamic. How do I show my boundaries? First off, close your vagina. Close your vagina. Close your vagina. Close your vagina. Close your legs. Okay, how do you establish a boundary? Don't let them physically inside of you. That then you're literally, what's the expression? You're giving the cookie away. Okay, that's one way. Another is to say, look, if you're not ready for a relationship, then I don't wanna interact with you. I don't need another friend in my life. Christina, do you need more male friends in your life? Do you? If he's a male friend, then you wouldn't be having hot talk. I have female friends in my life and I think it's good to have female friends in your life. I mean, if you're a male and it's good to have male friends if you're a female but we don't have hot talk, how do you establish your boundary? You speak up, say, look, I appreciate that you are not ready for a relationship. I am ready for a significant relationship because of that I'm gonna reserve my time for somebody who wants the same thing as me. But I'm gonna say something. I give you a 30% chance you'll listen to my advice. I don't think, by the way, we humans, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, I expect different results. You even said, I hate this dynamic. That means you must have experienced it before. So by the way, being a grown up, okay, a child sees fire and goes, ooh, I wanna touch, I wanna touch and the parent says, no. Okay, because they know it's gonna burn them. You know this is gonna burn you. You're an adult now, okay? You know this is gonna burn you. This isn't you're a child anymore. I'm sorry if I'm tough on you, Christina, but this is your big brother speaking to you. Look, if I could be there for you on a first date, I'd have a shotgun pointed at the guy's face and saying, what's your intention with my little sister? I'm here to say you have to be your own big brother right now. Close your legs, don't give them any vagina. Tell them what you want and move on. That's how you set a boundary, okay? You don't need to be friends with a guy who doesn't, listen, I'm telling you, you don't need to collect male friends. By the way, does anyone agree with you? If you agree with me right now, say amen, Jonathan, in the chat box. Say the words amen or if in this section put amen, Jonathan. All right. Brown, Kenita says, thank you for being genuine. LOL, Jonathan, you are so much fun or so fun. Thank you so much. Sandy says amen, way to go. Folks, you only have yourself to blame when you know the right course of action and you don't do it. It's like, look it, you wanna lose weight but you're eating chocolate cake all day long, okay? Look it, we have control, we do have control. We do have more control than we think. Our choices, our choices, every thought, every action has a consequence. And it's naive to go, and by the way, it's so easy to play childlike and then go, oh, well, it's okay, you know? And then we live in this delusion that we can change someone else's opinion. God, if I sat, listen folks, I am guilty of believing that I could convince a woman to love me, you know? If I just do all the right things, if I ask masculine and I do all the right things, she'll love me. We live in a real delusional world because of everything I just shared in this video, we have to factor all of this in. I'm gonna share something with you ladies and this is something I talk about in my private coaching schedule discovery call with me. Most of you go around like this, Jonathan, I know what I want, I know what I want, I know what I want relationship and then you go through this proprietary coaching program I created and can you guess what every woman says? I really didn't know what I want. I wish somebody taught me this. I'm teaching it to you, so take advantage of it. Laura says, amen, Nora says, amen. Karen says, amen. Melita says, Jonathan. Sandy, Sunshine says, amen. Okay, Deborah's in the house. Jonathan, do you think you knew that there was misalignment with you and Marie? I saw them, I've been watching every single one of your teachings for many years. You know, this is the tricky part because in hindsight, I can go back and go connect the dots and I go, oh yeah, misalignment. Oh yeah, misalignment. Oh yeah, misalignment. Oh yeah, misalignment. And she had the same thing too. She had her areas of misalignment as well. You know, sometimes we enter into a relationship to help us figure out that what alignment is. And so by experiencing misalignment, misalignment, misalignment, misalignment, misalignment. And by the way, this wasn't a misalignment of character. She is a woman of deep. I have a great fucking respect for her. She is a woman of deep character. She has wounds just like I have wounds, okay? I'm gonna say it out loud. I have permission by her to say that. She has her wounds, I have my wounds but it isn't character flaws. She's actually a beautiful person. I think she would say the same thing about me. I think we have to experience misalignment, Deborah, to be able to recognize alignment in the future. And so do we turn red flags into green flags? The main red flag we have to worry about is a person's character. That's the main red flag we have to worry about their character. Our personality differences are healing. It's, you know, I should know better because I do this for a living but I'm human just like everyone else at you. I recognized her wounding and I still loved her through it. And I think she recognized my wounding and loved me through it too. Didn't mean that we were compatible with one another but that's how I suspect is the course of action there. So Deborah, thank you so much for that question. Sandy says, I loved Marie. I think she's a beautiful human being. Christina is back in the house and she says, thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate your answer. It's long distance. I still have feelings for him and he does too but he's not ready. I probably, I should probably move on just don't know how. Tim, I'm gonna call him Tim. Christina goes like this, Tim. I so appreciate the time we've gotten to know together and upon further reflection upon on this relationship I recognize that you've openly admitted you're not in a good place plus we have distance which makes it very difficult to build the deep roots of trust to establish a significant relationship. And because of that I feel it's best for me to move on. And with that said, I truly wish you all the best in your life. Ba dum bum. Christina, it's just as simple as that. You can send it in a text message or you can say it in a telephone call. By the way, the reason why I say text messages sometimes it's easier to say the hard things via text message. We shouldn't discount that sometimes an email, a text message, a letter is the more emotionally safe way to do it because we can get sucked in when it's a telephone call and that's what I just want you to avoid. So Christina, thank you so much. Christa says, amen, Jonathan. You're very welcome. Deborah comes back and says, no, I meant Miss Alignment and wants and desires. Marie is, I think on some level okay, here's the tricky part. For example, this is where I think one of our big misalignment I don't mind sharing this publicly. Marie has a strong desire to see the world, to experience the world, to go to different places, to go to Egypt, to go to Africa, to go to Cambodia, to go to Croatia, to go to Germany, to go to Italy, okay? And I have a desire to do that too. But for her, it's like a predominant desire, okay? For me, I have a strong desire to do the inner journey. See, for me, travel is the inner journey. It's one of the reasons why I did the psilocybin ceremony the other day. And she was interested in it too. But you see, for me, travel is the inner world and for her, travel is the outer world. And while we each wanted a little bit of it, I think she didn't, I wanted to do it full-time in my area. She wanted to do full-time travel in her area. And I think that's where the disconnect was. I think that's where the disconnect, excuse me, that's just one area of disconnect, okay? And I think I'm not a good traveler. I'm just not. And she recognized that and I think she got frustrated with it. And she wasn't really as interested in doing the inner journey as I was and I was getting frustrated. So that was where Sunshine, or excuse me, Deborah, there was a big disconnect and I don't mind sharing that publicly. Revolve says, Marie was absolutely radiant. I miss her on the live streams. I, you know, we had fun. I recognized that there was some disconnect between us even on that, you know, emotional level between the two of us, but, you know, we had a lot of fun too. I am grateful for the experience. By the way, folks, if you haven't seen, okay, someone write this in the chat box, black mirror, okay, Netflix black mirror season four episode hang the DJ. I'll repeat that Netflix black mirror season four episode called hang the DJ. It is a great illustration of why every relationship happens for a reason. In fact, I coincidentally watched it again this morning preparing for this broadcast. Folks, I've watched it probably two dozen times. There is such each time I pick up something new. I really want to invite everyone to recognize that everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. And so that's kind of the message in that particular broadcast. So, okay. All right, is there any other questions? Oh, Sunshine wants to say long distance is awful. The ego never sleeps and is greatly activated in long distance. You're choosing 24 seven mental surveillance. What he's thinking, doing, feeling you abandon, sell. Wow. By the way, I want to unpack that one for a second, but my coffee mug says, don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. Sunshine, that is a brilliant observation. You're choosing 24 seven mental surveillance. What he's thinking, doing, feeling. You abandon self exactly the minute, the minute two people are apart, you don't know what they're doing. This is like when we lived in tribes. You know, like, okay, I want you to think about this. Okay, you lived in tribes, right? You're the mother, you're the woman in the tribe. You're the wife. Okay, let's go back, K-PAP people days, okay? And your husband, we'll call it husband, even though they weren't in that kind of dynamic, went out on the hunt. We didn't know if they were going to come back. Imagine the anxiety. Now she had everybody within her tribe to keep her company, to distract her from this fear that they go out on the hunt, they die getting killed by the dinosaur or the buffalo or the tiger. So we have, that's part, that's where long distance. I should, by the way, someone email me what I just said, Deborah, could you just email me what I just said in our private group because I'm gonna forget this. But this is such a perfect analogy with long distance. It triggers that tribal wound. It triggers that tribal wound that they may not come back. And that's why we have this strong need for constant incessant communication with one another. And that incessant communication is what drives two people away because they don't have their self as you pointed out. You abandoned self, sunshine, that was a great share. Thank you so much. Brown says, Jonathan, I had limerence over someone. Now I want certain certainty, criteria, certain criteria. When you say women know what they want, know what we want, how important is it to stay in our boundaries we set for ourselves? No, I said Brown, women don't know what they want, hence why they have poor boundaries. You have the fantasy of what you want based on this Prince Charming narrative, but you don't know at a granular level who is compatible with you. And men don't know this either, men are winging it. Men are winging it. It's all based on, if a man feels good, he chews you, but that doesn't mean you're in the right relationship for one another. Okay, I can go on and on and about that. Michelle, Nyman, oh, she's in the house, okay. Does long distance count? They work out of the country for two to three months, but then he's home for two or three months. And when he's home, it makes every attempt to spend time with me, although I work a lot. Does long distance count when they work out of the country? You know, ultimately long distance relationships, again, they have difficult, long distance dating has difficulty building the deep roots of trust because trust is built through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life. So when he's in town, I recognize, but what you really have is a friend with benefits, okay? Because are you building the deep roots of trust? I don't know. You'd have to hire me to do some coaching with you. That then you'll know, okay? And Michelle, I just want you to know you didn't return my call before, okay? All right, Marianne is in the house. Personal question, other than experiencing for the first time going all in with somebody, what do you think you learned about yourself that you might need to do less or more of next time? You know, so because part of what I'm gonna share is private in the sense that I don't want to inadvertently throw Marie under the bus. If I shared what I share, it wouldn't necessarily, it wouldn't translate the way I'd hoped. So to answer that question would be very challenging for me, but I think most important is, okay, but I will answer this, a mutual passion for personal development. Again, I shared before that inner world is so important to me. She was passively interested in it. For me, I need somebody totally in it. Also, a connection with the divine, a connection with spirituality. She comes from a Catholic background, but that's different than those of us who are spiritual, but not religious, okay? So with that sense, I can share that and I feel comfortable in sharing that, okay? All right, hey, Michelle, got it. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff. Please just return, I'm glad to know you're okay, because when you didn't return the call, I was worried you weren't okay. So I'm glad to know you're okay, all right? Patricia says you're so right. Okay, Facebook user group says, isn't all anxious attachment the same as long distance mindset you'd get just described? When you're not with, when they are not with you, you worry that they won't come back. Even if you're married, living together whatsoever, if a person is anxious, they feel insecure about the relationship. You know what, very good point. There is a similarity in long distance dating and that it triggers the anxious attachment style. This comes back to our tribal need to be surrounded by people. And we, most of us who live lives that are solo lives, it makes it difficult. So if you have an anxious attachment style, to become secure, you have to build the deep roots of trust. This is what I talk about in my private coaching, building the deep roots of trust through so, you know, doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. That's how you build deep roots of trust. Is this sinking in? I hope so. Hey folks, this particular broadcast was very important to me, breaking the man code, breaking our code, recognizing that we all have code that goes back millions of years. And then a lot of that new code is where a lot of our glitches are. So we can work, it's hard to work on our instinctual code, but we can work on those code that has glitches that happen in our childhood and adult traumas. And that's where I believe we have a greater chance for relationship success. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below, I'd like to hear your thoughts. I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours. If you liked this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell. If you wanna connect with me directly, check out the links below to schedule a discovery call, to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery, to follow me on Instagram, to get my dating vows, to get my books that I recommend, all listed below. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Johnathan Barrack of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love, if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a Pat, a Teddy Bear pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love, because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Sunshine for that $50 Super Sticker, Melita, Sandy, Debra, Patricia, Michelle, our Facebook member, Marianne, Brown, Jaheela. Everyone, thanks so much, wishing you a fab day. Be well, bye now.