 This makes the narcissist obsess over you. This fills their mind continually and to a troubling extent. This is what they want to know. This is what they are trying to figure out. They want to know if you are happy without them. They want to know if you're doing good. This is a very important thing for them to know as it helps them plan their next steps. It helps them decide what to do next and how they are going to approach the situation. They would rather see you still in pain. If you're still hurt, it gives them an advantage. It gives them an opportunity to toy with your mind, which then gives them supply. The narcissist cannot deal with you at your best. They have to approach you when you're vulnerable or they have to target your weaknesses. There is no fair game with the narcissist because they already know that they will lose. They already know that they lack the capabilities and potential. So the only hope they have is to bring you down to their level first. You have to play on their playing field. You can't just operate at your level and expect them to accommodate you. That's never going to happen. They are never going to put themselves in that position when you get to look down on them. That's how they play the game. They've always got to be condescending whenever they're around you. They've always got to have this attitude of patronising superiority because they secretly believe that you are superior to them. But they won't ever acknowledge it because then the game would be over before it's even begun. There would be no game. They would just be there looking stupid with no power over you. Actually, they don't have any power but they have to trick you into giving your power to them and they do this by acting as though they are superior to you. Even though there may be nothing that may suggest that they are superior to you they will always imply it in some way and if they can get you to believe it, it makes it more believable to them. But in reality, everything they see or do comes from a place of inferiority. It comes from a place of seeing you as being superior to them and that is why they will obsess over you. They will constantly be wondering if you are happy without them and naturally they will assume that you are because they know the only reason why you wouldn't be happy is because they were around you. They know the effects that they have on people. They don't keep coming around you to bring anything to you or to make you happy. They know that all they have to give you is misery and pain and they will hope and constantly question if they are still having an effect on you. Narcissists want to be significant. They want to matter to someone. So if they are able to affect you emotionally in their minds that means they are something significant. That means that they do matter to you. They can't emotionally connect with you or interact with you on a human level. But if they can get you to feel something whether good or bad in their minds it means that they are significant and that's all that really matters to them. If they see that you are happy or successful this will hurt and offend them. This will eat away at them to the core. They always see the grass as being greener on the other side so if they see that you are doing better without them they will feel as though they have made a big mistake. They want to know if you know that they are with someone else or they want to know if you know that they are not with someone else but even if they are with someone it doesn't mean that they will want to reveal this person to you. The discard phase where the narcissist happens very suddenly and while you may be hurt and confused the narcissist is able to move on without a care as though they never loved you but your empathy exposes them. Your feelings were real and it reveals that they lack empathy and lack the ability to experience an emotional connection which is something that no narcissist wants to admit because they know that's not a good thing. Deep down they know that's the most important quality in a relationship and without that there is no relationship so they will pretend that they just needed to move on and focus on themselves but really the issue they have is that they cannot emotionally connect to you and once you've figured that out they just want to save themselves a shame and get themselves out of there because without that connection without that empathy and compassion how could we even call ourselves human and they know that they don't like how it makes them feel so they're not going to stick around they're going to get themselves out of there and find someone who hasn't figured that out yet and they will be wondering if you know that they found a new victim or if they're not with anyone they will be wondering if you know that once it's all over the narcissist will be obsessing over whether or not you blame them for what happened they want you to take the blame it makes it a lot easier for them when they start their smear campaign they want to convince you and everyone else that you were the problem you were not good enough and it also gives them supply to know that you were questioning yourself or doubting your own abilities the last thing they want to see is you thinking that you're anything great the last thing they want to see is you loving yourself or realizing your worth they want you to hate yourself they want you to hate every cell in your body because that's how they feel about themselves and they project these emotions onto you they also get extremely envious and jealous when they see that you do realize how great you are especially when there's someone else involved someone else who gets to partake in everything that they never valued, respected or appreciated it makes them look stupid and it cuts off their fuel supply they want you to blame yourself for everything that happened so they will be wondering about that they will be wanting to know if you are still in the rabbit hole where they left you the narcissist will be obsessing over if you are dating they will want to know if you are seeing other people or if you're with someone already when they see that you're trying to move on with someone else that is when they will start hoovering again they don't want you to forget about them narcissists have a strong need to feel significant they also get extremely jealous they want to see if you are going to find someone else they know that you have the qualities and abilities that other people might find attractive even though they could not get the same fulfillment they know that you would be good for someone else and that just winds them up even more it makes them look at themselves and realize that they were the problem that they couldn't partake in everything that you had to offer or get the same level of satisfaction that someone else might receive the narcissist will obsess over whether or not they can come back to you they will want to know if you are seeing someone else and if they can pull you away from the new person if they can't get you back this will put them into panic mode because they act like they're so great but without someone to validate their illusion they don't feel real it triggers them to reflect on their feelings of worthlessness and insignificance but that's all they're really coming back for they don't care about you they don't love you they never did it was all a lie and that is why it was so easy for them to leave you that is why it was so easy for them to move on with someone else you have to stop validating their illusions you have to stop believing in them in a way any hope that they might change or become a better person it's not going to happen you will never get validation you will never get closure you can't keep going back to mcdonald's and expecting a five course dinner thank you for watching I hope this video resonates with you please like, comment, share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you are lighted today my paypal link is in the video description coaching enquiries, you can email me at nagsforevercoaching at gmail.com thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon