 I'm not fucking drove a face into the cement. Welcome to episode 19. This week, we have our special guest Connor. Hello. He's a YouTuber from Cracker Milk. Yeah. And let's let's let's talk about what type of content Connor does. I make sketch comedy. Sketch comedy. So if you're listening to this, we need you to go to YouTube and type in Cracker Milk into the search bar. Then you'll see a list of results. Click on the Cracker Milk with the little brown logo with the little milk and the little crackers and click on that and then go subscribe to it and just watch some videos. Yeah, these guys are in some some of the best ones. We've all known each other before we were rich and famous. Yeah, well, you two are rich and famous. I'm still fucking disgustingly poor. 50K is not bad. 50K on YouTube. That's not bad. It's all right. It's all right. We're getting there. Right. Yeah. All right. Well, what's happened this week? Let's shut the bed. Michael shut the bed on the weekend. Yeah, fucking hell with my girlfriend. So bad. I didn't remember it until she told me yesterday. And that's like three days after shitting the bed. We're probably going to get a brand deal from an adult nappy brand or something. I didn't really shit the bed. I just I guess farted. And then like, how did you not realize and like, why did you not realize you were covered in shit? I don't really remember. I think it's just so normal now. I've got a question for you. Do you think you may have like early stages, MS? And you can't feel the bottom half of your body. And that's why you're shitting and pissing yourself so much. Holy shit. Is that what happens? Yeah. What's that? How do you what's the long form for that? Multiple sclerosis. Sclerosis. Yeah. SC school. One more time. Is that what happens? I'm going to say that if you don't realize for three days that you've shit your pants, that there's something alarmingly wrong with you. And weight gain is another side of that. And people have been saying you're fat as fuck. Fuck. I just got a message from the symptoms of pain, spasms, fatigue and weakness. You definitely have that bladder and bowel dysfunction. Definitely have that sexual dysfunction. No, you can still get your own good. Yeah, cognitive problems. Cognitive problems. What's that? That's I saw. I can't think properly. That's I saw. That's like perfect. I saw my eyes are fucked. Oh, fuck. Oh, dude, it sums up. I've M.S. You probably have M.S. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, Christ. So, yeah, Michael, shit the bell on the weekend. It's hot. I had a nice, quiet weekend. Yeah. Connor, what about you? I worked all we can. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, I remember when we had to work. God, that sucks work. Oh, man, that sucks. That's so funny. You guys are so fucking funny. Yeah, we are. Today's date is the 9th of the 7th, 2019. And on this day in 2001, the office mockumentary created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, starring Ricky Gervais and Martin Freeman, premiered on BBC Two in the UK. Surely after a gunman entered the office, mowing down 14 extras. I did not know that happened. Oh, shit. 2001, look it up. In 1877 on this day, first ever Wimbledon tennis championships begin. First official lawn tennis tournament, men's singles only, followed by ladies being allowed to play, but only in cages. Oh, that's cut. It would be interesting, interesting there. In 1815 on this day, first natural gas well is discovered in the US, followed by a mass culling of possums. What's a culling? They just killed heaps of possums in the area. I don't know, maybe they were a threat to the natural gas supply. I'm not sure. They're killing or culling culling. Culling. They slit their throats, slit their throats. Yeah, a hunter walking over the knife, slitting possum throats. They cull it. You know what? What's it? How? Fifteen. Famous birthdays. No. Happy birthday, Tom Hanks. He turns 62 is a regular viewer. Good day, Tommy. I'll I'll give you a buzz tomorrow about that car. And yeah, happy birthday, mate. I'll we'll be coming to America soon. So bloody keep that garage door open, mate. And we'll have a fucking couple of beers. Can't we'll have a couple of beers in the in the garage, mate? Or cast away. Me, Forrest Gump. Yeah, happy birthday. O.J. Simpson, famous footballer who murdered his wife. Brutally, brutally allegedly and got away with it. Yep. What's that word? Double jeopardy, double jeopardy. What's that fucking mean? That you can't kill the same person. Why can't you charge for killing the same for a trial? Why didn't they catch him? Why don't they just arrest him? You look at you just look at his face and arrest him. And Courtney Love is her birthday today as well. She's still alive. Coco Bain's ex, she's 54 now. Whoa, that's crazy. That's the craziest thing ever. Rest in peace, Coco Bain. You can do heroin and live till you're old. Yeah, she probably doesn't do it anymore. You fucking alcoholic cunt. Hey, I've got MS. Leave me alone. All right, that's the end of the shit talk. Moving on to our second segment, which has been renamed from Matthew Brown, Halsom. Love the way he says Halsom. Halsom Concreting. He's got a Halsom. There's an R in it. He's got a Halsom shirt on. So, brand new segment and it's called. You scared me. And in this segment, basically, we just answer fan questions. So this is a fucking fever dream. We've got fans have sent in some questions. So do you want to open your fucking phone so we can answer the fucking questions? Now, this is from Amelia underscore. Dip a Olo and she has asked, will you guys ever get married? Connor, who am I marrying? Sorry, I do think you will be married one fuck. No, no, absolutely not. Disgusting. You'd be single for life. Absolutely. I mean, you just be with her, but you won't or him. Him and won't be married. No, it's I will never touch another person, another human being ever. OK, illegal to get married if you're gay in Australia. Yeah, it is now. Really, they got through. Yeah, Michael, do you think you'll get married? I reckon it's all because he's he's girlfriend sitting right there. Oh, maybe do the ceremony. But since I'm I don't want to give half of my shit away. If shit fucking just sign a prenup sign a prenup, mate. All right. Yeah. But if you guys have kids, you guys have kids that prenup doesn't work. Yeah. So you got two options. You don't have kids or you have kids. And then when you get divorced, you obviously smuggle the child. I bought them. Yeah. Later abortion, abortion. Yeah, I'll probably get married. Yes, I will. I will 100 percent be getting married. We're probably in the next five years. Let's be real. I'll probably be married within three months. Like your next question. I'm engaged to Monique. Are you actually engaged to Monique? I don't know. I didn't know either. I couldn't tell either. That's it. Next question is from James underscore wall bank. Well bank. It's actually and I think the W is silent. It's a James all bank. So W, A, L, B, A, N, A. Yeah. Try and pronounce it again. Well bank. No, no. Remember silent W at all. All bank. All bank. Well bank. Better. Very good. If you two switched bodies, what would you do? I would. I'd rip all my fucking hair out and then I'd go and go out and start a fight with someone and expose my teeth and walk towards them like this. As I was insulting them and get my front teeth punched out of my fucking skull. I'd rape Bosley. Oh, man. Imagine how disappointed he'd be. Yeah, the betrayal. He'd be so betrayed. I think I think deep down he'd know that it's not me, though. No, no, no. He's a fucking dog. Sometimes he'd know I just do the same thing. He's a dog. OK. You always do that anyway. Conor Conor, what would you do if you were in? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I transferring to? Michael's body. Michael's body. I don't know. Get a pedicure, braid my hair and then sign over all of the fucking rights to these cunts to me. And they'll have fucking nothing left. What would you do if you were in my body? I'd crack some milk. Ah. All right, next question is from Ozzy underscore carts 99. I think the A.U. at the beginning there is it's French. So it's Ozzy. Ozzy underscore carts 99. And they have asked when you next meet up because I'm always going to be there to see you boys again. Oh, it's our mate from bloody fucking inflatable. Oh, yeah, we met. We met Bryce the other day. Yeah, he was good. Hey, Bryce, how you going, brother? Hey, yeah, what are you going? What have you been up to? What have you been doing, Bryce? Hey, what do you mean? I can't believe I haven't heard from you, mate. Hey, what have you been doing? You been working? Hey, where are you? Yeah, anyway, I'd say end of the year. Yeah, yeah, we usually have a meet and greet at the end of the year. We had one last year, but no one came. Oh, no one actually come. Oh, you know, a few people came. Yeah, like as we had different locations. So depressing. Yeah, it was it was pretty sad. You guys just getting fucked up by ourselves. Wow, you guys should kill yourself. Wow. No, that's a that's a good thing. You should draw yourself to suicide, I think, if that's how things are going. Yeah, well, just look, that's if it happens again, I will definitely be hanging myself. That's professional feedback for you guys. I'm not that's not just hang myself. Yeah, absolutely. I'll support that thing anyway. Yeah. All right. Next question. So at the end of the year, right? At the end of the year, we'll do another one. If we but we're definitely going to confirm numbers before this time because it was. Yeah, it's pretty embarrassing. Connor, I'll be there. I'll be there. What are we doing? I'm just going to get fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, brother. Fuck yeah, bro. At that point, Michael's MS will be so bad that we have to go to wheelchair. You guys are going to have to push me around. Pubs and stuff. I'll be pranking the dude with that. At least we'll get heaps of attention. I think you'll get that'll be more popular. Your hair will become your leash. That's good. Yeah. Next question is from Mitchell 0104. I think the IT is actually Yugoslavian, and it's Mitchell chill. Oh, chill. Marty, I know you find cows fascinating and like to fuck them pretty hard, but do you also find bulls attractive? Oh, look, I've I don't know why this keeps getting brought up. Look, I'm certain that it's normal to have some slight attraction slash violent urges with cows. Yeah, I've seen some feminine looking bulls that have tickled my fancy. But at the end of the day, you're attracted to like masculine looking bulls or is it just a no, it's yeah, it's more the feminine ones, the big ones. That's like I've mentioned, it's it's it's involuntary. I'll see a cow and blackout and they'll be flashbacks. It'll just be it's a mix between trying to kill it, kill the animal and somehow I'm fucking it. And then I wake up and so you're fucking a female cow, but you just can't be gay. You can't fucking bull. It's it's it's a gay thing. I just think the bull might I think just hurt you. Maybe you're just intimidated by the bull. Yeah, I think maybe the bull could hurt me. I think that's what cows don't fight. But let's not rule it out. You know, it's only there are far more cows and bulls around. I'm sure if I find that you're often having sex and then start trying to kill it, or is it more of like you try to kill it and you end up like you slip in because I find when I'm fucking cows, I slip into them. It's usually I see the cow. I the urges bubble up very dramatically and I black out, lose consciousness is what it feels like. They'll be parts where I come to and I've got it by the throat and it's hooves are trying to push me off, but it's on its back and like my hands just completely around its throat. Just one hand. Yeah, yeah. And so impressive. Hind legs, I've lifted to expose its rear and I'm just sort of thrusting. So I've got two back legs in one hand, my other hand on its neck and I'm thrusting forwards and it's obviously squirming around trying to get out and then I'll black out for a bit and come to and I'll be punching it and it'll be trying to run away. And that's when you're inside the cow. Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you finished before you start hitting it? I don't really check, but I think so because my nuts are drained for the next four days. Next question. Jaco sin star. Jaco's insta, it's pretty straightforward. Yeah, it's basic. Fucking hell. M.S., can't do it. Yeah. There's the eyesight better. Fuck. All right. Now, your thoughts on Nick Kirios, shit bloke or good Aussie fella? Who's Nick Kirios? He's a tennis player? He's a tennis player. Yeah, I don't know. He's exciting, I guess. He's better to watch than most players because he's got more of an attitude. I'd say I wouldn't hang out with him personally. Yeah, I wouldn't fuck him. Is that what you mean? No, I like being to have a beer or like, I wouldn't be friends with him, but I prefer to watch him over most boring tennis players. Would you have sex with him is what? We're trying to fucking get at here. Would you have sex with him? Why not? Why not? Imagine being able to like, imagine just a picture of this. You're in your real, true accessible pub, sitting down with your mates and you look up at the telly, Nick Kirios is playing and you can turn around a bunch of strangers. You can go, hey, fuck him. Fucked him. Yeah, I'd have sex with him. Yeah, right, yeah. Imagine being able to say that and people would be like, what do you mean? How did you do that? And you're like, don't worry about it. Yeah, don't worry about it. I mean, leave. Yeah, and just leave. Don't talk to them ever again. Well, you might need help. You need some help. I'd roll away. Be at least one person you'd have to tell. Hair get caught in the wheels. Yeah, MS does affect your hair. You can't cut it. As he's rolling away, his hair would get pulled to the wheel. It's scalped, this fucking scalp comes off. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. Definitely. Yeah, what about you? What I fucking? What do you like him? Oh, he's all right. I hated him when I was a coach because it made all the kids behave in a really unattractive way. Wrong word, wrong word. It just made them behave poorly. Yeah, yeah. That's really more appropriate. What about you Connor? Do you like him? You don't know him. I don't know him. Next question. Oh. Roman underscore ran out. Yeah, I think it might be two underscores. Maybe, I'm not sure. Yeah, two underscores. Maybe, MS. How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant? Great question. Really good question. You know, we've got a science background. So our guess is an educated one and judging from the data that we've done from similar experiments, I think 17 chickens, doesn't sound like many, but 17 chickens would be able to... I've done separate research and I can confirm that 17 chickens would just absolutely fucking destroy an elephant. It induces some sort of shock to the elephant. Yeah, yeah. Withers quite a question. Would you be surprised if you saw 17 chickens? 17 chickens aggressively come towards you. He'd have fucked you up? Yeah. Yeah, they can fly a bit. A little bit, yeah. You know, elephant heart palpitations dropped to its knees. Next question's from the underscore fairy underscore squatmo dot dot dot. Squat mother, maybe. I can't because it's a screenshot. Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay, yeah, maybe squat mother. Fairy squat mother, I think. If you were a superhero, what would your name be and what would be your superpowers? Also, who would be your sidekick? I, you know, can I just quickly say I love superhero films and Marvel films. Marvel is a great establishment. I think. I know you're just staring at me. What are you talking? You like that shit? Fuck off. Get out. What do you mean? It's shit. No, it's good. It's for the, it's good. It's adult content. It's made for adults. It stops adults from going up. And I'm all about that. What are you talking about? You're all about going up. Yeah. You're becoming a responsible young man. DC's just as bad. All that shit. Oh, you're just like, you're just like Thanos. That's you. You're just like Thanos. He's the fucking guy. I think I've seen that guy. You've seen him now. Huh? Yeah. From Avengers, like Avengers, right? He's the bad guy. Yeah. Thor's brother. Yeah, that's it. Thor's cousin. No, brother. Thor's brother. Yeah. So what superhero would we be? I'd probably be some sort of. Donald Duck. If my superpower, I guess, would be speaking cow. And my sidekick would be my uncle. Very strong German man. And I think my superhero name would be. The heifer fucker. Michael, would your superpower be to walk again? Yeah, yeah, I'd fucking nod. Your superpower includes a stronger immune system. No, I just want the. Working bow. The wheelchair to be able to levitate like three centimeters. So you want to be able to fly and you'd be called the MS dude. That's it. No, that's it. MS dude. And your sidekick could be a stillborn. And you just drag around on a little chain. But with my hair. Oh, man. Yeah, I'm imagining it. I think that is everything. Is that all the fan questions? All right, next segment. And this week, Matthew Brown from Halsom has renamed segment number three. Can you just repeat who is that and where are they from? Matthew Brown. From where, sorry? From Halsom. OK, thank you. Halsom concrete. I hate your words. OK, sorry. Oh, I told you about the message we got from someone about fucking segment changes on Matt. Oh, yeah, you heard me. Yeah, I heard you. You were speaking right next to me. Yeah, fuck, that's the MS. Sorry, man. Yeah. Standing right next to you. I commented on an after. We're all after together. I tapped you like this and said, I can't believe that, man. You lend in for a kiss and I pushed you once. Yeah, shit. Oh, yeah, I forgot. All right, the next segment has been renamed. Guess Conner joins. Mikaiphi, I'll turn the carpet on a hush and I'm pushing it. No, no, cut in. Some sort of Japanese dialect there. Matthew Brown, Halsom concrete. And basically this segment has it just has a brief description here. It says Gust Conner joins. Hello. Gust. Gust Conner. It's a spelling. Yeah, I think he was meant to. Yeah, wait a fuck that up. This is my fucking moment. This is my goddamn moment. You fucking gust me. He's he's fixed it. Wow, thanks. That's rich. Holy shit. That's technology hard. You fucking linked them up. CJM. I'm just trying to write. Yeah, yeah. Just so we're all aware of where. So, Conner, yes. How are you, man? I'm feeling great. It's good to be here. Thanks for having me on. What's your earliest memory of us? Holy fuck. I can't even remember. I remember you in like a when you lived in Chermside and I came and had to review. So I just had a stroke. We have two people here with that. Yeah, I had to get fucking drunk and review a movie and I got so hammered from you feeding me drinks that I died on the side of the road and I was throwing up on the highway on the way home and I can't drink whiskey ever since then because you you did want to be mad. Yeah, I was my hands were super curious. You were fucked. Yeah, I mean, I did invite him. No, you weren't there. I don't remember. I don't remember the first time I met you. I think that was at the next place. So where do you see yourself going with your little cheeky YouTube channel? Probably just still doing it, but probably more like I'm doing it and getting paid money for it. Yeah, just a bit. Oh, well, cash. Bit of money. Jewels and rubies. M-women's. Small followers. Pussy, power. Pussy. Pussy. Yes. Nothing else. Share it. Oh, yeah. And similar dreams. Similar dreams then. Yeah, we're all kindrous spirits. We've been doing this for just as long. I think you guys have been doing a bit longer, you know? You've done it much better. But you know. Only in the last two years. We sucked before that. We sucked hard. Was there any live streams we did? I was coked to the eyeballs all the time. Oh, good. We used to hurt ourselves bad, but like 300 views. Yeah. And only because the pain was like therapy. So it was so sad. I still remember when I first sat down with both of you ordering lunch and I was talking about, oh, what are you guys going to do with YouTube? Like, what else would you be doing? And you turned to me and with that missing a beat went, it's this or heroin, man. It's this or heroin. And you weren't lying. You know, it's a fucking point in living. Yeah. You can't do what you want. Yeah. All the time. Fuck, oh, that's how I feel. Yeah. So YouTube will be your career soon. Oh, well, he's hoping, you know, we're on our way making some funny content. We hope. I'm all right. Well, I think we're this is kind of everyone. Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah, we love we love this shit. They're some of the funniest, probably like 16th or 17th ranked. We watched like a good 25 sketch comedy groups and they're like the top, top 20. You just went from 16 and 17 to fucking top 20. Yeah, yeah. I was just remembering. Yeah, he's 18, 19. It's pretty good. Go and have a look. I really like the ones that wear it. Yeah, yeah, they're definitely the best. I saw one of your sketches on Facebook the other day. Yes, some fucking piece of shit free booted it. Did you get up then? No, no, no, no, 750K views with us in it. Yeah, I fucking do. Yeah. Yeah, fuck. It's happened. It happens a lot on Instagram. Do you get that a lot? People with your shit? But now we have the power to strike them. Do you actually? And it's like gods. Oh, my God. And claim their earnings. Really? Yeah. So you can claim what they've earned off the video so far. Yeah. And then strike them after. So I'm taking everything. Thanks for all the views also. Fuck you. Yeah, dude. Wow. We haven't done it. This is going to be our first month doing it. That's powerful. It's going to feel so good. Yeah, that's going to feel great. Yeah. If you rip content and put it up as your own and don't credit people, you're a dirt piece of shit. And you earn money off other people's shit. Yeah, you're a dirt piece of shit. Less than dirt, some would say. Oh, my God. I have a pain in my chest from that. It's probably just the MS reaching your vital organs. Oh, MS. Right, we're going to fucking manifest this and it's going to happen. Yeah. Is there a cure? Yeah, stop fucking drinking. Oh. All right. There's no cure for multiple scars. Get better medicine. Yeah, medicine does have to sort itself out. It's so lazy. That's why I don't vaccinate. So many medicines and none of them fix that problem. Yeah, that's ridiculous. And doctors and scientists out there, I'm sure if we sat down. Easily do it. Work on that. I'll send an email. I'll send an email. Are you guys vaccinated? I think so. Yeah, when your uncle shoves his thumb up your ass. That is exactly what vaccination is. Yeah, I'm definitely vaccinated. I'm going to be vaccinated. That's exactly what vaccination is. Well, this is going to ruin my career. Oh, God, it's going to ruin my career. Oh, crap. So no story this week, but we'll have a story next week. No. But what was the story we were going to fucking tell? Oh, the time you fucking killed me. The time Michael wanted to jump off a bridge, changed his mind. And then I stomped his fingers till he fell into the bridge. And I was like a 10-meter drop. 10-meter drop. I was piss drunk at like 3 a.m. Stomped his fingers. I decided screaming for help. Yeah, I was like, stop. No, dude, I've changed my mind. No, dude, no, dude. And there were heaps of people watching. There was a crowd watching. And you could tell they all wanted me to fucking fall. And so Marty just fucking, yeah, put. I did what I had to do. Put me down. Stomped his fucking wall. Then once I realized that it was doable, I ran back up and did it again. Nice. So you really, you're a good friend. You're a real good dude. I was showing me the way. I was showing him what to do. What did you jump into, sorry? The Brisbane River. You know the bridge that goes from the casino to South Bay? Yeah, off that one. Wow. I can't believe he stomped. That's really high. And you just stomped on his fingers like he didn't give a damn. And maintained eye contact as I watched him fall. Oh, I didn't even laugh. I love that I see you. I love that I see you guys once every three months. It's a perfect amount of time in like six months. It's been a long time since I've seen you last. Yeah, because you live like in the other Egypt. I do. It's true. All right. Moving on to the next segment. This segment has been renamed. From Matthew Brown. Wholesome. So this segment is called. And this is just a segment where we read new trending news stories and comment on them. So let's let's begin. All right, we have a story from the Daily Mail and they have reported anyone have a hack for getting the misses out of here. Frustrated dad stuck shopping in Kmart for three hours. Please for help. How the fuck is this a story? How the fuck do you get stuck shopping in? Just leave the store. How the fuck is this a story? This is this is national news. International news. Anyone have a hack for getting the misses out of here? Who the fuck did someone just have to come up with a story and they realized they'd forgotten the deadline was in half an hour and then they just fucking ran to Kmart and found someone. He didn't fucking yell out in public. He's just put it on his social media and gotten a bunch of responses. And then the Daily Mail contacted him and said, hey, that's a great piece. You know what I think we should do? We should look for some Marvel news. Let's look up some hot, fresh, Marvel movie news. Find out the latest on the superheroes. I'm keen to find out who the next Batman is. Batman is. I'm also who's going to play Tom Hanks in the next Marvel film. That's what I want to know. The next Batman has actually been named. Yeah, it's Robert Pattinson, isn't it? I mean, I don't know who that is. I don't even know who the fuck. Is that that guy from Twilight? Yeah. That's the toy guy. He watches. He's like a big boy. John Robbie. Check out my channel. If he's a vampire, he's like a bat, which he's like a Batman. That sort of fits. I don't mind that. You going to see that one? Oh, they fucking weigh. This story is from Metro and they have reported, wrestling midgets killed by fake hookers. The world of Mexican midget wrestling is in mourning after two of TIT's most famous stars were apparently poisoned by fake prostitutes. What? What? That's got to be fake news. How do you even joke about that? Brothers in arm locks, Alberto and Alejandro Perez-Gimenez were found dead in the hotel room after being drugged and robbed. Wow. Wrestling midgets. Well, I guess like it's smart. Those fake hookers, like it's not to be mean to smaller people, but they're easily physically. They're much bigger. Yeah, if I was if I was going to rob someone and I saw a midget or a normal person, or a normal person, a person that is normal, then I would pick the midget every time. It's much easier to steal things from them. It's much easier. There was probably an accident. Here's the thing that confuses me though. They went after wrestling midgets. So you're going after the strongest midgets. Well-trained midgets. And what's stronger, a wrestling midget? A strong, like a Dwayne Johnson style wrestling midget or a normal, like you, Michael, who would win? Like a skinny man. Yeah, you know, and if I was a fake hooker, I would drug and rape you, Michael, before I'd drug and rape a wrestling midget for a number of reasons, mostly sexual preference. But- I'd allow it. All right, next story is from the Daily Mail. And they have said, he was a strong little bitch, stand-up paddleboarder claimed he walked on water to escape savage shark attack. See, he's good. That's what we do. Like, fuck, like, remember that fucking dickhead so they died or something the other week from that. He must listen to the podcast. This guy must listen to the podcast. As we've said before, if a shark's coming towards you, stand up and walk away. This guy's clearly taken that- He walked on water. It's perfect. There you go. It's not hard. So there you go. Proof that it works. What are you guys doing in a tsunami situation? Just to throw one out there. Look, you just, you turn on- I turn over the wave. You don't, on duck dive under it. Duck dive under it. This is what I don't understand, right? Second-day tsunami 2004 killed, what, 250,000 people? Yeah, they must have been swimming. Just swim. Yeah, you'd think that, like, at least half of them had had swimming lessons when they were younger. Yeah, and, you know, it's a bit of a disgrace that they hadn't because look what happens when you don't take them to early swimming lessons. Yeah, fuck, all right. Yeah, just, there you go, guys. If you've got kids, take them to swimming lessons so that when the tsunami comes, they can swim. Swim away. Yeah, unless that kid has a mess in which case they're fucking gone. Just tie their hair to a pole and give them a quick death. Give them a quick death. What, how would the fucking, why would you tie their hair to a pole? Just so they can't move around. It's over quicker. What, so all MS people have long hair? Just assuming everyone with MS has long, blonde hair. Fuck me. I'm so getting MS. There you go. Finally, someone who's listened to our advice and that goes for anyone else out there and you, if you're being shot at, if someone's attacking you, just get out of the way and walk away. All right, this, this story is from Newsweek and they have said, Florida man arrested for playing basketball completely naked at park. We've done this. We've done this. You've done, you've played basketball naked at park. We've played a version of basketball. High as fuck, naked. Yeah, out of school. I was doing it to try and psych Michael out. Oh, it did. He won the match. Every time, every time I won the match. He was screaming naked. In a school. Yeah. Holy shit. If we were in a school. Yeah, I know. I just said that before. I can't be here. But like it was up, it was up to hours. Yeah, that was, it was a high school. It wasn't a primary school. High school, it's fine. And it was mostly after hours. You know what I'm trying to get? Government funding. Yeah, you gotta put this in it. For a web series that will be in. So Newsweek. Fuck me, how the fuck are some of these? Do you get arrested for shit like this and then become like a registered sex fender? Is this the sort of thing that makes you registered? I think so, yeah. Fuck. Just for playing basketball naked, like that's not sexual. That's not a sexual thing. Unless you have an erection. Yeah, but I mean, who doesn't have an erection when you're playing basketball naked? That's the real fucking question. Especially at a school. This story is from Ladd Bible and they have reported man steel 7.5 inch dildo and sex machine stand from adult store. A man in Australia to be caught on camera fleeing an adult store with a 7.5 inch squirting dildo and a sex machine stand. Whatever that is. Wait, does everyone else know what they are? The bloke in question who is wearing some fairly bold pink purple trainers and a bright green sleeved top can be seen gazing longingly at the adult items in his hands. Now after a short pause, the guy decides he simply must have them but will not pay for them. Eggs in the store, stage left. The store in question must be daring. I'm not strong at the bulge and all the Brisbane and they share the safe 18.8 footage on Facebook and I haven't tracked them down in the safe. I also took the opportunity to take a dig at the dildo idea. The pie's red. The person who was stuck in a hurry in their freshest fucking cakes he's going to pay for the 7.5 inch starting dildo and a sex machine stand. Who's right out there who wants to start? Wow, it got really big in like a lot of explanation marks at the end. Again, I'm not sure that should be newsworthy but there you go. You see something you want, take it. Yeah, that's... That's a lesson in that. You see something you want, take it. Without question. Yeah, that's good. Oh! It's a good summary. God! Oh! Can you talk like that more often? Are you guys going to put me on a watch list? Are you going to put a fucking watch on his watch list? Oh, man, I've got some bad stomach cramps right now. Like, I have got... Today we ate the world's hottest burger. The fucking circus! This is a fucking circus! This is... He ate the world's hottest burger down at Redland Bay, wherever it is, Swirling Point. Oh, burger urge. Yeah, burger urge. 2.5 million scoliovill... It's scoliosis units. Sclerosis... Scolumultibles. That's what gave you the message, the burger. Bottom half is shutting down right now and my stomach is cramping up half. And that number, 2.5 million, is that's four times more than the Carolina Reaper chili. Yeah. That's crazy. That's what's going through the bike at the moment. Oh, it's bad, dude. Did you cry when you had it? Jev, look. Tears came out of my eyes. Fuck yeah. I still kind of rubbed my eyes or assholes. Oh, and I had a piss. I had a piss after and touched my dick and burnt my dick. You burnt your dick hole, like the top of your dick hole? It's looking at us, maintaining eye contact with me. He's about to show us something on his board. Go ahead, man. What is it? What have you drawn now? One of your silly little pitches again? The concrete truck. The concrete truck. And your little numbers. Oh, my God, it's this exact street address. 50 minutes. 50 minutes. He's fucking around again. See, I'll look at someone saying 50 minutes. What are we meant to do with that? What does that even mean? Anyway, moving on, the next segment. I've never met this cunt in my life. We started recording and he showed up. Never met this cunt. Matt Brown works at Halson. Oh, dude, it's bad. Getting worse. I might have to go have a bathroom break. Are you going to shoot yourself on camera? It's going to burn. I had, ah, anyway, let's move forward. All right, the next segment has not been renamed. Wow, it just says, simply, segment five prank call. Holy shit. Yeah, which is very self-explanatory. I like it, Matt. Let's not change it. Who is this cunt? And why haven't you introduced me to him? He's like a neighbor or something? Never met him in my life. He's the concrete man. For this week's prank call, I'm going to pretend to be a really arrogant, gross, female, social media influencer. Are you going to get a community female voice? And demand discount codes. Maybe I'll just be a guy. No, it's got to be a female. If it's an influencer asking for codes, you've got to know female. Because they'll understand, they'll know it's a prank. If you, you can't do a female voice. I can. I can. Yeah, all right. Yeah. Who are we calling? We're calling Domino's. All right, sweet. The same restaurant that we call every week. It's the same. The same one, the same time, the same shop. Fuck you, Domino's. Fuck. I hope this goes well. Hey, how are you going? So, yeah. You're going to be like, hi. Or should I just be myself? No, because I do do the arrogant. I reckon if I just be myself. Yeah, no, I'll just be my really normal, arrogant self. Yeah, yeah. Hey, mate, it's it's Marty. It's Marty here. Well, Marty, Marty from from Marty and Michael. Yeah, I know, mate. Yeah, it's just I'm ordering pizza. I just thought you'd know who I was. Anyway, can I just get a couple of pizzas, please? I'll come and pick them up, please. I've got a I've got my driver waiting out in the front. Fucking can't just use it. Use it, use it, use it, use it. Fucking yeah, mate, sorry, did you just put me on hold there, was it? Was it was that an accident that you just had me on hold for about 30 seconds? Yeah, that's a bit bloody rude there. I was trying to order my pizza. Anyway, moving right along. I'll have three pizzas, please. What's that, mate? Yeah, what's that? What's that, right? Can I get one large barbecue meat lovers? Now, how old is the meat? How old is the meat? Yeah, how old is it? How old is the meat? Is it fresh meat? Yeah, OK, great. I'll have one of those. I'm not we've got I'm I'm I'm the I'm the YouTuber guy. I'm on Facebook. You would have seen my videos. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Doesn't next Peter is the Hawaiian, please. Can I get a large Hawaiian pizza? OK, Marty, you've never heard of Marty and Michael? No, you've never heard of it. You definitely would have seen our videos. We've got we've got nearly 600 K on Instagram. Got a lot, a lot, a lot of money. Anyway, so the second pizza is the Hawaiian and the third pizza. Is he sure you haven't heard of us? This is the first time this has happened. Usually the one of the other guys, they usually give me a bit of a discount because I'm a bit of a local celebrity. What's that, sorry? Yeah, the third one, a barbecue chicken pizza, please. Barbecue chicken and bacon. No, no, no bacon. Thanks, I'm looking after my figure. We've got a shoot next week. We've actually just been nailed a brand deal. We're doing a video with bonds, you know, the underwear company. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, so those three pizzas, thanks. Chicken bacon or chicken bacon range? No, no, no bacon on that, please. I'm looking after my figure. I have a shoot next week in Malibu, she says. OK, chicken and bacon and no bacon. Chicken and bacon and no bacon. Yes, I'm making it just a chicken pizza. After chicken and bacon and remove it. OK, anything else? How much is that in total? $20 on for the last time, I sort of just gave you guys a shout out on Instagram. And and you guys, the guy I spoke to just sort of gave me the pizzas just because he knew who I was and and just because like, you know, it's we've got nearly 600K on on Instagram. So like, yeah, it's it's definitely worth it. So I can come and show you our analytics, if you like. And we can just waive that fee. OK, thanks. Marty from Marty and Michael, whether you whether YouTube is Marty, yeah, the the the the famous Facebook. The the hang on the Facebook guys, you seriously? Have you ever seen a video? How does quit smoking on Facebook? Do you have your phone on you? Yeah, I'm not. I can't. I don't have any coins on me to pay for that. I'm just going to come in and give you guys a swipe up on our Instagram. OK, I'm going to have to cancel that order. Time to order. Yeah, cancel it, mate. If you don't know who I am, I can't shop here. See you, Marty. I'll bring up my analytics and we'll waive that fee. She's sick. Yes, chicken bacon without bacon, just chicken. Oh, no, that's for a guy like that. It wasn't fun. Usually it's fun. That wasn't that fun. He was too nice to you. That's why didn't he tell you he would give you a discount? Wasn't he like, I think he was just trying to get me off the phone. We'd have to take the podcast down to Domino's. Oh, my God, oh, that was one of my favorites yet. I think really, I feel real sick. Yeah, but it was so entertaining, dude. That is you did a great job. I don't have any coins to pay for that. Thirty six dollars. I don't have any coins. Oh, this is your card. I don't have coins. Oh, man, let's end this because I need a shit. All right, guys. The next week we've got Koby via coming out. We're just coming out. You're live out of temporary tempura battered fish and chips from the cocaine store out of it. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. Thank you for coming on the show. Con is not bad either. Oh, much for having me. You really drank that. Fuck. Oh, my ass. Yes.