 Those are Sailors, Marines, Coast Guardsmen. Here's the Benny Show with Dennis Day, Rochester, Phil Harrisley's Orchestra, Mary Livingston, and Jack Benny. And now, ladies and gentlemen, continuing our sightseeing tour through the courtesy of the Chamber of Commerce, I would like to call your attention to that beautiful house on the right. It is the home of that very fine actor, Lionel Barrylaw. Lionel Barrymore? Yes, ma'am. And on the left is the residence of that famous movie star, Gary Cooper. Oh, boy, Gary Cooper. I could sure go for him. Remember, Poopsy, we're on our honeymoon. And now, turning the corner, we come to another beautiful street. Say, Rudy, isn't this an interesting tour? Yeah, Poopsy. It's nice of the Chamber of Commerce to furnish these free trips. It sure is. Well, we want you to like our town. And now, ladies and gentlemen, that one Spanish house with a red pile roof is the home of that glamorous actor, Hedy Lamar. Did you notice, Poopsy, I didn't say ah. I know you didn't, sweetheart, you're mine, all mine. Yes. I keep saying to myself, what has Hedy Lamar got that you haven't got? And all the time, I know. Are you all right, ladies and gentlemen, between those two rows of palm trees is the home of W. C. P. M. W. C. P. O. Yes, notice the lovely swimming pool in the yard. Yeah, you can even see the green apple venus. Madam, those are all it. And now, folks, if you will look to the right, you will see Claudette Colbert's house. Next to it is Spencer Treesey's residence. And here on the left is the home of Jack Bennett. This is where I get off, driver. Stop the bus. Did you stay away again? What? Take off that beard, I know you. Don't be sarcastic, driver. This isn't the only bus that goes to Beverly Hills. It's the only free one. Never mind, stop the bus. Now, watch those steps. I don't want you to get hurt and sue the company again. Oh, quiet. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we leave Beverly Hills and drive out to Santa Monica. Yes, folks, beautiful Santa Monica, where you will be home. Da-da-da-dum, da-da-dum, please, George DeBron. Da-da-dum's anything I hate is a smart-out bus driver. Da-da-da-dum, da-da-dum, he was I surprised when we passed Claudette Colbert's house. He's still using the same old curtain. Da-da-da-dum, I wonder what Paramount's paying her now. Oh, well. Hello, Roger, sir. Hello, boys, you're late. Yeah. That bus must have gone to Santa Monica first today. No, no, no, we came right to Beverly Hills. Any mail, Rochester? No, but Miss Luella Parsons called. Luella Parsons? Yes, you want to get an interview about your career in radio. Well. And pictures. Pictures, too? I talked her into that. Oh, good, good. You know, Miss Parsons only interviews important people. She'll have to think of something interesting, some interesting things to tell her. Tell her about your choice through North Africa, Egypt, and Beverly Hills. Well, don't worry, I'll think of something. You better think fast, boys, you'll be here this evening. What? That's what she said. That's what the lady said. She said that. Luella Parsons is coming here tonight, but I invited my gang for dinner. That's good, boys. Good, what do you mean, good? See a big shot, call her up and tell her you're giving the dinner in her honor. Say, gee, you know, Rochester, you really think fast. I wouldn't last long around here if I didn't. Look, you go in the kitchen and get things started, and I'll get Miss Parsons on the phone. Number, please. Operator, get me Crest U5-2717. Crest U5-2717? Yes, Crest U5-2717. Crest U5-2717. Let me see. What's the matter, operator? I'm new here. What? I haven't had any experience. Well, for heaven's sake, don't pass up this opportunity. Debbie, Debbie Crest U5-2717. I used to work in May's department store. I sell girdles. I don't care whether you sold girdles or not. Look, Miss, this is Jack Benny. Jack Benny? Yes. My, my, what a small world. Here I am saying to you what number, please, and only last week I said to you what size, please. Look, you're a telephone operator now, so will you please? My girlfriend is selling those girdles now. Look, I'm not interested in girdles. They have a new model called Fatty Secret. That came out over five weeks. I don't know anything. I don't know anything about Fatty Secret. Now, will you please get me my... Come in. Operator, try and get that number and call me back. Hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. You can't get here yet? Not yet, but guess what? Llewela Parsons is coming over tonight to interview me. She is? Yeah. See, Mary, I want everything to be just right when Llewela gets here. Rochester, don't forget to put flowers on the table. Yes, sir. And go down to the cellar and bring up some wine. The cheap wine or the important stuff from Pomona? The important wine, of course. See, imagine Llewela Parsons coming to interview me. Sir, I hope everything goes along all right. I hope to get the right impression. Oh, Jack. I hope I know what to tell her. Oh, watch this, sir. Don't forget to put flowers on the table. I'm putting them. I'm putting them. Got it. Imagine an interview. Well, all right. Sir, she's coming over to get an interview. What are you so nervous about? I'm not nervous. Stop running your fingers through your hair. Put it on and relax. Oh, oh, yes. Jack, the curl goes in front. It's not a curl. That's the loop I hang it up with. After all, there's nothing wrong with being neat. That loop is supposed to be in bag. Well, tuck it in. You look like full man, too. There is no time for jokes. Now, let's see. When the gang gets here, I want them to be sure. Oh, I just thought of something. Rochester! Put some flowers on the table. Boss, what are you going to do with Miss Parson's seat in a bag? Do what I tell you. Now, Mary, Mary, come on out in the kitchen and help me get things ready, will you? Now, come on. Come on, Mary, let's finish setting the table. The well is vital to be here any minute. Oh, Rochester! What are we having for dessert? We're having devil's blue cake. Good. Now, Jack, remember when the wallet comes in. Compliment her. Tell her how nice she looks and that she's much thinner than you thought she was. Women like to hear that. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Hmm. Hmm. Hey, boss, you know that devil's blue cake? Yes. Even the devil would need it now. I knew that would happen just when I'm nervous and everything. That must be Luella now. All right, Jack, don't get so excited. I won't, I won't. And when he answers the door, be gracious. I will, I will. I'll even bow as she comes in. I'm coming! I'm coming! Welcome to my humble abode. Hey, Jackson, what are you looking for? Did you drop something? Jackson? He's bowing, he's bowing. Oh. Oh, Phil, I thought it was somebody else. Hiya, Jackson. Hello, Mary. Hello, Phil. Are we time to eat? Pretty soon, Don. Oh, everybody. Hello, Dennis. Come on in, fellas. Oh, boy, am I hungry. Oh, say, fellas, if I got a surprise for you, you know, we're having Luella Parsons for dinner. You promised us roast beef. We are having roast beef. Miss, Miss Parsons, I didn't mean it that way. Miss Parsons is the guest of honor. Oh. In fact, she's going to interview me. Now, listen, kid, Luella's coming here to get the story of my life, so don't do anything to embarrass me. Say, Jack, I just happened to sing. Don't forget to talk to Luella about her book. Her book? Yes, The Gay and Literate. It's all about Hollywood. Oh, yes, darn it. I wish I'd had time to read it. Did you read it, Don? I just started it. Oh, gosh, I wish. Say, Phil, did you read it? Not me. I don't want to clutter up my mind with a lot of outside stuff until after Flat Pop gets a chair. I should have known better than I asked you. You never read a book in your life. What are you talking about? I just finished Jimmy Sire's book, The Corpse Came Cod. That's The Corpse Came COD. All right, COD. What does that spell? Herring? I promised us roast beef. Dennis, we're not talking about the dinner. See, Mary, I... Mary, gosh, I... I don't know what to do about Luella's book, The Gay Herring. I mean, The Gay... I mean, The Gay and Literate. Well, she probably won't mention it, but if she does, we'll change the subject. Okay, okay. Now, remember, fellas, that's her now. Now, don't forget, Jack. Tell her how wonderful and slim she looks. Yeah, I will, I will. Coming! Coming! That's for how to leave that footstool in the middle of a hall. Well, get up in the loop golden back. Welcome to my humble... Oh, hello. Remember me? I'm Herman Peabody. Yes, yes, Herman. You're the one that belongs to the carpool with my gang. Yeah, they always go places and leave me waiting outside. Well, look, Herman... See, I'm an insurance salesman, and I joined this carpool three weeks ago. I haven't been to the office since. It's awful. Well, remember, your business comes first, Herman. Why don't you pull up with some other insurance salesman? Oh, I tried that, but I couldn't afford it. Why? They kept selling me insurance. You wouldn't think it to look at me, but I'm worth $8 million dead. Every morning when I wake up, my wife gets so mad. Well, look, Herman, once I overslept for 15 minutes, boys, did I jump up fast? Why? What woke you? They were throwing dirt to my face. Well, look, look, Herman... Hey, Jackson, don't keep her out there. Bring her. Come on in. I'm expecting a guest for dinner, but it'll be all right for you to stay. Oh, thank you. You're sweet. Well, I... I tried to please. Hey, watch this, sir! Yes, boss! There'll be one more for dinner. After we have dinner, I think we ought to do something to entertain you well. I'll tell you what, you guys insist that I play my violin. Wait a minute, Jackson. We ain't getting that kind of dough, boss. Jack, if you want Luella to be entertaining, why don't you let Dennis sing? Sure, I'll sing for Miss Parsons. All right, Dennis, you sing, and I'll accompany you on the violin. Come on, kid, let's rehearse it now. Okay. For Gold. Well, Dennis, that's a beautiful number. Be sure and sing that for Miss Parsons after dinner. Yeah, then maybe she'll write about me in her newspaper column. That's right, she might. I can just see the headline now. Dennis thrills Luella. Oh, sure, sure. If my girl sees that, she'll flap my face. Dennis, you won't be in the headlines or forget about it. Yeah, which Luella would get here? Me too, I'm hungry. Hey, Jack, I just thought of something else. Why? You better have your camel locked in the garage, or Luella won't be able to stand it. You want to hear something, Mary? I don't even know where my camel is. It disappeared this morning, and I sent... Phil, where are you going? I'm in the kitchen. If that roast beef's got humps on it, I'm leaving. Don't be silly. The camel's probably wandering around the neighborhood. I sent my air about to look for him. I'm so hungry I could eat the camel. Me too, Mr. Benny. I'm starved. I haven't eaten since breakfast. Breakfast? Well, that isn't so bad, Herman. That was before I joined the carpool three weeks ago. Anyway, we're going to eat pretty soon, and you'll have a knife. Whoop! That must be Luella now. I'll go to the door. Now remember, fellas, act nice and no monkey's in it. Phil, straighten your tie. Dennis, Dennis, smile when she comes in. Jack, don't be so nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm coming. I'm coming. Oh, Jack, don't forget to tell her that she's much thinner than you thought she was. I won't forget. What? Coming. Coming. Well, Luella Parsons. What a surprise. Hello, Jack. Come in, Luella. You know, I've been here sooner, and the bus went to Santa Monica first. Huh? Oh, yes, yes. Say, say, Luella, don't put this in your column. But when you passed by that Colbert's house, did you notice those curtains? Huh? Yes. I have the same kind in my house. Well, aren't they lovely? Come on in, Luella. I want you to meet my gang. Right this way. They're in the other room. John, that footstool. Well, don't stand there. Pick me up. Oh, yes. Yes, I'm sorry, Luella. Hey, fellas, I got a surprise for you. Luella Parsons. Hello, everybody. Hello, Luella. Nice to meet you. Yes, she's here to get an interview. How are you, Luella? I haven't seen you for a long time. I'm just fine, Mary. Just fine. Well, you're looking wonderful, isn't she, Jack? Huh? Isn't she looking wonderful, Jack? Yes, yes. You know, Luella, you're not nearly as fat as I thought you were. I mean, I mean, you really look very slender. That's because she's standing next to Mr. Wilson. Then, as behavior sells. Oh, that's all right, Jack. I know I look pretty well now. And so do you. Yes, yes, we do. Thanks to Fatty's sister. You know where the body's buried, Luella. Well, shall we get out with the interview, or would you like to have dinner first? Oh, am I staying for dinner? Certainly. So you're the guest of honor. Oh, well, thank you, Jack. First, I'd like to ask you one and two firsts. Go ahead, Luella, fire away. I was born in Warp-Tegan, Illinois. And I went to the grammar school until I was about... Jack! Jack, where does he ask the question? Oh, oh, yes. Yes, I'm nervous. I'm sorry. Now, Jack, tell me. Why are you going, Luella? I mean, when are you going to make another picture? Well, Luella, right now, I'm making a picture called The Horned Lows at Midnight at Warner Brothers with Alexis Smith, produced by Mark Hellinger and directed by Raul Wall. She would have long titles. Dennis, be quiet. Now, Jack, how long have you been in radio? Radio? Well, uh, oh, about 13 years. And of those 13 years, how long would you say you've been a star? Well, I... I don't know. I'd say seven years. Seven years, uh-huh. And how long has Rochester been with you? Seven years. Right, he's a wonderful butler. Yeah, yeah. He's pretty good on the radio, too. Yeah, once in a while, I let him take a line when I'm short of an actor. Anything, anything else you want to know, Luella? Yeah, when do we eat? Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I almost forgot about dinner. I didn't. Well, come on in the dining room, Luella. And while we're eating, you can ask me some more questions. Come on, everybody. Don, you take Luella in. Come on, fellas. Oh, you sit by me. Here's my arm, Luella. Thank you, Don. Oh, say, Luella, uh, I want to ask you something. What is it, Don? Uh, about that girdle called Fatty Secret. Does it come in king size? Huh? Don, what do you think? I'm wearing the junior myth. Well, here we are. Everybody sit down. Yes, sir! Sit right here, Luella. Now, let me fill up your plate. Make some roast beef, some green peas, some mashed potatoes. Thank you. I just love mashed potatoes. Yes. Uh, say, Jack, I wrote a book called The Gay Illiterate. Did you, uh... Here, Luella, I have some more mashed potatoes. They're delicious, you know? Oh, thank you, Jack. Did you read my... Uh, here, Luella, I have some more mashed potatoes. Thanks, Mary. Now, as I was saying, I wrote a book called Here, Luella, I have some more mashed potatoes. Luella, Adobe Bash will have all you want. Say, Luella, I meant to ask you, you just got back from New York, didn't you? Yes, Bill. And while I was there, I did a broadcast at Fred Allen. Luella, please, we're at the table. I'll never permit that name to be mentioned in my dining room. Excuse the expression, Mr. Benny, but I like Fred Allen. All right, Chester! Yes, sir! No more meat for Mr. Peabody. Now, shall we drop a subject or are there any more vegetarians here? That's better. Now, Jack, getting back to my book, did you... Here, Luella, I have some more mashed potatoes. That's very thoughtful of you, Don. Wasn't it, Luella? Luella, was it? Luella, where are you? Right over here behind me. So I can see you. Ask me a lot of questions. I'll give you a brief story of my life. All right, Jack. Go ahead. Now, I was born in Waukegan, Illinois in 19- in 19-5. After graduating from grammar school in Waukegan, I went to high school and took an interest in music. Later, I went to Chicago where I studied the violin under Hugo Corbjock at the Chicago Conservaty of Music. After four years of intensive study... Ah, shut up! ...then... Anyway, Luella, after... after four years of intensive study, I showed much promise, so much promise that my professor decided to send me to Carnegie Hall. I haven't eaten in three weeks, you know. I live in New York in June, a stranger of the same. Luella, good night, everybody. It's a presentation of Beyond Forces Radio Service.